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Nick looked into his backpack. Struggling to find his Sertraline, he rattled around and found the package. He rarely felt as nervous as he did going back home, and his train was 15 minutes from arrival. Nick didn’t understand why, but he always felt stressed before going back home.
He’d just never felt at home there. Sure, he’d made friends at school, but Nick didn’t count them as true friends. They were excellent for playing rugby and playful banter, but Nick hadn’t truly known his rugby friends, and they hadn’t truly known him. Nick wasn’t even sure he knew himself.
Remembering back, Nick felt empty and sad. He felt that his childhood years were a time of lost opportunities and unfound friendships. This emptiness hurt, and Nick felt his depression and anxiety originated from this period, even though he couldn’t pinpoint why.
Going to university in Leeds had been better. Nick excelled in rugby, and during the final years he became the rugby king. However, he struggled to truly connect. All his friendships were based on sports, and his sexual encounters were based on parties and excess amounts of alcohol. He’d met plenty of girls, but he rarely fucked the same girl twice. Nick was looking for a girlfriend but never found a real connection. His loneliness and emptiness had slowly turned into bitterness and sadness. Why couldn’t he get a girlfriend like everybody else? Honestly, Nick thought he was a catch. He had a beautiful body, and he had a mind and a dick to match it.
After uni, Nick moved to Croydon as a teacher. Teaching kids was a true passion and Nick put all his efforts into the kids and classes. He’d tried to keep up with sports after work, but didn’t like the local rugby team. Evenings were spent at the gym, before going home to the telly. Lately, visits to the gym became fewer. It had gotten to the point where Nick didn’t like watching himself in the mirror. Whenever he did, he saw a growing dad bod. He could still be characterised as fit and athletic, but Nick realised he had to do something to stay that way.
The voice of the conductor interrupted Nick’s line of thought, announcing the train's arrival. He hurriedly gathered his belongings, making sure to be the first out of the train and to the cabs. He hurriedly chucked his luggage into the boot and got into the front passenger seat.
Looking over at the driver, Nick suddenly forgot what he was supposed to say, his mother’s address a lost memory.
“Hi”, the driver said as he gave Nick a puzzled look.
“Hi”, Nick stumbled out.
The driver’s look turned into a huge smile, revealing two adorable dimples and the bluest eyes framed by curly hair slightly out of control.
Utter confusion filled Nick’s mind, together with a tingling sensation in his tummy. This man… Fuck, there was something about him, and… Nick had met this man before, but... It couldn’t be him, could it?
“Soo…. Uhm, where can we get you to today” the driver interrupted Nick’s attempts at thoughts.
Nick fumbled out his mother’s address, and they drove away.
Deep, deep confusion ran through Nick’s brain. This couldn’t be Charlie Spring, could it? Nick never knew Charlie Spring, but they had attended the same form for a couple of weeks. He remembered Charlie was bullied because he was gay, and then…. Charlie had taken his life. Somehow the intense bullying had been too much, and he had just… ended it.
And now, in this very cab? The driver looked A LOT like Charlie Spring. Nick was mindboggled. The driver seemed to be looking a lot over at Nick too.
“You’re Nick Nelson, aren’t you?” the driver suddenly burst out. “I’m sorry, I just… I remember you lived here before, and I… I remember you were really good at rugby”.
“Yes”, Nick replied. “You feel really familiar too, but I don’t think we’ve met, have we?”
“No”, the driver replied with a sad expression. “I think you remember my brother Charlie? I’ve heard that we look a lot like each other, but I can’t remember. You probably know that he… h-he… Yeah, he isn’t around anymore… I’m his little brother Oliver, but you can call me Olly!”
Grief struck Nick. He hadn’t known Charlie, but he always seemed so nice. A genuinely good guy that Nick could have gotten along with.
The conversation between them continued a bit awkwardly, but slowly warmed up and they had a nice talk about Charlie and their lives.
Just before they arrived, Oliver slowed down and became a bit hesitant. “So, Nick, this might sound a bit weird, but you look like a REALLY nice guy, and… would you like to go on a date with me?”
Slightly surprised, Nick replied “But I’m not gay”.
“Would you like to be?” Oliver giggled, eyes sparkling as the car pulled up.
That was the most adorable giggle Nick had ever heard before. There was something about Oliver, something Nick had never felt before. What was this feeling? Of course, Nick wasn’t gay, but he wanted to know Oliver more.
“I don’t know…”. Nick hesitated. He looked up at Oliver, displaying the most adorable puppy eyes.
“Maybe”, Nick managed to get out, surprising himself.
Oliver seemed surprised before a playful smirk hit him. “Would you….” Oliver shifted his hand closer to Nick’s thigh. “Would you kiss someone who wasn’t a girl”?
The atmosphere in the car got intense, Nick couldn’t breathe. What was this man asking him? What was happening?
“I… I don’t know”, was all Nick managed to get out, not daring to fully name his real desires.
Oliver’s hand approached Nick’s thigh. “Would you kiss me?”
Woah, this all happened very suddenly. This thought had never crossed his mind before. Would he? Kiss a man?
“Y-y-yeah” Nick stuttered, leaning in.
Just as their lips met, Sarah's voice suddenly emerged from the front door. “Nick, are you in there?”