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We’re Somewhere Else Now
She had unlimited time now. She had opportunities she’d only ever dreamed of. Her life had changed, her whole routine was different. She was far from home.
But it wasn’t home anymore. Deryl was a place she had ruled, at least loosely. But a scrap mechanical land she inherited didn’t mean much. It was not the place she had desired.
Now Etheria was behind her, now she had a ship. Now she was set to wonder, to scatter herself across the universe.
Entrapta sat on the stool outside one ally of a recently appeared planet. This was the second planet she had landed on after her leave of Etheria. Hordak had had them refuel on a world that contained the materials required to last them many parsecs.
Now they were on a new planet, but this one rich with civilisation. So many new alien races she’d never seen before. The tech was exploding her mind, the way everything upon her became so compact and folded in on itself. Even the shops would fold and relocate once carried by transport ships. This was just one planet she knew she would have to come back to.
It was not their last stop. It was the closest planet with people, and Hordak recommended they buy food. He’d not eaten there since before he was lost on her world.
It had only been a few weeks since they had found themselves back together. It had taken time, but he had begun to remember much of his life. His hair had returned to its natural colour, and his eyes were currently yellow. Though there was no proof of it, Entrapta had deducted that his eyes would be red again by the end of the month. It had been more than rough for her friend, with everything that had happened to him.
She’d not said much. She wanted him to adjust, properly. Healing was important, and she felt doing it in small steps was a start.
Eventually, he returned to her, placing a bag in her hand.
“I got you a pizza square. It should last. I know you prefer smaller foods, so this should keep you fed for the day.”
Entrapta tried not to chuckle. “That’s not what I meant. I like the look of them, so tiny and cute, but I don’t have that less of an appetite.”
“I see,” he said back, awkwardly. “I’m sorry if it’s not enough.”
“It’s fine.”
She looked over and saw the two tubes in his bag. He nibbled one, then the other.
“What you got?” she asked.
“Sausage rolls. I selected one meat and one vegan variant.”
Entrapta raised a curious eyebrow. “Both? How come?”
“An experiment,” Hordak explained, passively. “The was no vegan option when I last ate here. I am comparing them. I wanted to see if they tasted the same.”
“Ooh! That’s neat. It’s great to see you’re still conducting. What you found?”
Hordak paused. “The meat one is sweater by zero-point-nine percent. I notice that the texture of the pastry is different, but that must be to tell them apart. Otherwise, I would be surprised if anyone noticed, unless they come here quite often.”
Things were getting better. It was like the times they had before.
Almost.
Entrapta hadn’t told him everything. She had not allowed herself to go all in as she had once told herself she would. She knew how she felt, and by stars, how every cell within her wanted to jolt with how much she wanted to say it. But she knew she could not. Hordak only remember so much; even if her theory was true, even if he had felt the same. It was not certain that he remembered if he did.
With every fibre of her soul, Entrapta gazed upon him. He was just casually eating, and he didn’t notice her stare. He didn’t know that her mind was making thousands of calculations, thousands of possible outcomes of her speaking her truth.
But whatever she hypostatised, the scientist knew she would never truly know unless she spoke. But why was it so hard, why has it always been hard? Even when they were close, when she spent literally the whole day with him, she still said nothing. He was right there, he was always gift-wrapped for her, but she never took the chance. Now he was a reconstructed man, but what had not been readded was yet to be seen.
“Do you-”
She stopped herself, but the clone was looking now. His left ear perked up.
“Do you remember any of our tests? The portal? Do you remember what we built together?”
Entrapta had to be careful. She didn’t understand people at times, she knew that. But she also never knew when it was her time to speak. She’d interrupt people by accident, all the time. She knew Hordak would need time to speak if she was to get to what she wanted to be in the conversation. It took a lot of restraint.
There was a sudden flinch from the clone. It was like he was trying to process something, but his own mental diagnosis was having the better of him.
“I remember… that I wanted to get home. Our first feat together was creating a portal that ended in success.”
Entrapta supressed a laugh. “I wouldn’t call it that in the end.”
There was a moment where Hordak looked away. He finished his food before scrunching the bag into a ball and tossing it into the closest bin. He looked cold, it was like his emotion had switched. He only muttered one word.
“Catra.”
“Hmm?” Entrapta spoke, confused.
“She- activated it.”
“Kind of. She got you to do it, but you’re right it was her intent.”
Hordak clenched his fist. “After- she tried to kill you.”
“That’s right. Do you remember- what happened after that?”
Hordak scowled. “Why is she free?”
“I’m sorry?” Entrapta asked, concernedly.
At that moment, Hordak stood. “Why must we wander the galaxy while she gets to doze in fields? Why is our legacy as those that tried to doom the planet, while the one responsible for it all gets held as the one who saved it? How is that fair?”
Entrapta considered her response. “Hordak, it’s not like that. We all made mistakes, and she earned everyone’s trust back. I don’t know everything but if Adora trusted her…”
She sighed. She didn’t like saying it.
“I spent my time on that planet, in my sanctum. I never ordered an attack; I never committed an act that wasn’t justified. The only war crime I committed was raining hell on that camp, but I only did that under Catra’s manipulation.”
Entrapta was surprised at this. She did not know of this event, but it made her more at ease. He was remembering, and at a much quicker rate that she imagined.
“I don’t get how people move on,” he muttered. “I don’t understand how people just look over everything like it can be forgotten. When you were gone, I remember no longer being myself. I remember losing all will to do anything. I never looked at that portal again, it lost all purpose to me. I just- don’t understand how one a can heal wounds so fast.”
“Like you and the Horde?”
Hordak lowered his head. “That’s not the same. It took me a while to accept that I was more than a soldier of my people. It was a long process before I reached the conclusion that their armada wasn’t my destiny.”
Entrapta tilted her head. That was not how she remembered it.
“The moment you recognised me, you blew your old boss’ back out. It was less than a second.”
At that moment, Hordak began to laugh. It was strange, she’d never seen him like this before. It was like he was laughing to hide just how much pain he felt, like he was trying not to cry and scream, and the laughter was all that contained him.
“Do you remember? That day, the day you infused me with that crystal. Do you remember the day you told me about my imperfections? Do you remember the test that led to that?”
She did, the portal exploded right before them. Hordak shielded her before giving up on the project for a good while. The armour that felt him together was shattered, but he let it, just to keep her out of harm’s reach.
“How did I know?” he asked, taking a step forward. “How did I know?!”
Entrapta felt uneased. Wanderers were looking at them. Quickly, she pulled her mask down.
“Know what?” she asked.
“The portal, I knew it was going to implode. It was supposed to happen, I made it happen! Before- you activated it, I overloaded its hard drive. You were playing with Imp at the time and didn’t see. Any evidence I did was lost in the rubble.”
Entrapta was lost for words. Gradually raising her mask, she looked at him, directly in the eyes. It was rare she did this, and Hordak was the only one she knew how to do it to even then.
“You… broke it?”
“I sabotaged the portal, yes. I planned to continue doing so, as well. The reason I wanted you to leave that day, was in that moment, I felt regret. I’d never felt the emotion before, being conflicted. It was only after that moment I realised.” He paused. “I wanted to stay.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“I thought- I believed you wanted to help. Without the portal, we had nothing to do. You had joined me to build it, that was your purpose as you saw it. If we stopped working on it, I thought…”
Hordak lowered his head. Sleepily, he dropped back onto the bench. He dropped his head into his hands and sighed.
“I thought cancelling it would let you down,” he spoke as he his head up to breath. “I didn’t think you’d stay otherwise.”
Entrapta felt lost in her emotions. She wanted to grab the clone and hold him tight. She wanted to hug him on this bench for hours, he goddamn needed it. But she understood his boundaries, and he was not a man who liked to be shown such affection in public. It took a while to accept this, she admitted, but it made the times when they were alone much more gratifying.
“When the Horde arrived, I felt like returning to them was all I had,” he then spoke in sobs. “I thought you were dead, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to go on. I thought I could kill the one who ended your life, then restart my own. I thought away from that planet would allow me to move on. They couldn’t rewrite minds when I was their general, and I assumed they would give me a position where I could forget. I know now that- it would never have worked.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, carefully.
“How could I ever forget you? How could I ever forget what we did? It’s not just a matter of letting go and finding another scientist on another planet. You were more to me. I admit, I am still… learning. But I know, I know you meant more to me than the Horde ever did. I’d have killed my creator the moment I was aboard that ship if I’d known you were alive.”
Entrapta blinked. She could tell he was truthful; she knew he was serious. She felt horrible seeing him the way he was, and yet excited. She mattered more to him that what he had spent his whole life trying to find. The fact that Hordak was willing to throw away every ambition, every code he had sworn to, just for her. She could not find words for the feeling. She beamed.
If she moved her head forward, she thought, would he understand? Would he go in and give her what she wanted to give him? Would their mouths be compatible as she’d pictured it every night when she lay in the bed of his palace? Of course, when she first imagined, she was horrified beyond comprehension. But after fantasising about it for two whole weeks, she knew she had to confront the facts.
Was this how it was supposed to go? Was she destined to be his friend, waiting for him to say something? She desired more, she wouldn’t lie to herself. Yet, looking at him now, she knew it wasn’t the right time.
He needed time.
The fact was, if he did not feel the same way then how their time together in that ship would go, was something she hadn’t prepared for. She wasn’t motivated to be with him just because she loved him, but it was a factor. It would always be factor, and a drive that kept her by his side.
“Will you ever forgive me?” he asked.
Entrapta left her trance. “What?”
“For not coming for you.”
“Oh. Yes, I- never thought you meant to.”
Hordak scowled again. “I should have never believed her. I don’t think… I could ever return to Etheria. Not just because you and I are known for our acts of war, but I don’t think I could be on the same planet as that traitorous… bitch?”
Entrapta snorted. “Is that a question?”
“Bitch means cat, right?” Hordak asked, innocently.
Entrapta merely shook her head. “We’ll be fine; they’ll be fine. If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one.”
Hordak turned to her, his face showing upmost puzzlement. She sighed and frowned.
“I- knew how Adora felt. I knew I could never just- say it. She made you hate me; she made you want to fight me. You thought I’d left you.” She looked at him again. “Not a day goes by where I don’t think of dissecting her. Nonetheless, I know my friends wouldn’t want that. They care about her, as I do you.”
She smiled, and Hordak smiled back.
“You know,” he said. “There are many bounty hunters within this galaxy. An assassination can be paid for, provided we get the work for it, first.”
Entrapta giggled. “Okay, be quiet now. We should probably get back, I think Wrong Hordak will have things running by now.”
Hordak frowned before looking at the pavement. “I wish you would just name him. It’s so demeaning, that designation. For both of us. I don’t go by Original Hordak. Neither of us could be named as an acronym for our initials either.”
“We agreed he’d pick his own name.”
“Well, he better get on it. I’ve told him that Adam would be a suitable enough name. But he’s so difficult.”
“Every clone is. You might all look the same, but that doesn’t mean you are.”
Hordak chuckled, faintly. “I know. We are beautiful. Is that what you said? Very brash.”
Entrapta shot her face away, immediately. Was he flirting with her? If so, he was trying his best. Even then, he wasn’t seeing the volcano erupting on her cheeks.
“I think- we should go,” she let out before standing.
“Why is your mask down?” he said in a tone way too humourous for him.
“It’s- not,” she muffled.
“I can see it.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Hordak!”
She started running, far from him now. She was sure he was walking quickly with those long and powerful legs of his. She sighed before giggling, constantly. He was going chase her back to that ship.
Perhaps her confession wouldn’t have to be so far from now.