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Amy was an incredibly deep sleeper, always had been. She’d always found herself having to set multiple alarms for even a chance to hear them in her sleepy state. And even then, more often than not Rory had to shake her awake if he was home.
Because of this, she found herself extremely confused as to why she woke up in the middle of the night on a random Tuesday. She grumbled as she sat up, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Her eyes fell on her alarm clock beside her bed. The large digits that illuminated the screen read 4:27.
Her brow furrowed. Why the hell was she awake this early? It wasn’t like her. Amy had always been the type of person to sleep through the entire night. She never woke up to Rory’s alarms when he had early morning shifts, so what could have possibly woken her up at such an ungodly hour?
All at once, she heard it.
It was familiar enough, the clanging. The wheezing and groaning of the TARDIS filled the entire house. In her recently awoken state, she almost didn’t think anything of it. The Doctor was probably just leaving…
Her brain short-circuited, her eyes flying open.
The Doctor was leaving…
She jumped out of bed, nearly trampling poor Rory; he’d also woken up at the noise.
Amy pushed open her bedroom door, speeding into the hallway where the TARDIS stood. She watched in horror as it vanished, flying off to god knows where. Amy stood frozen in place, her mind rapidly trying to figure out what was happening.
She heard Rory’s footsteps enter the Doctor’s room. He stood in the doorway for a moment before he turned back to Amy. He shook his head in dazed confusion. “No note, no nothing. He…made his bed.”
That was concerning. Every day Amy had to pester the Doctor about making his bed—he truly was an absolute child sometimes. This wasn’t like him. It wasn’t the first time he’d popped out on some adventure, but he always told them. Even if it was late, he would wake them up, kissing them both on the forehead and promising to return soon.
Why hadn’t he done that now?
Rory’s hand rested on Amy’s shoulder, pulling her against his chest. “I’m sure he’s okay, Ames.”
Amy wasn’t so sure.
Five days later, Amy was sitting in the lounge, an old book in her lap.
She’d already read it thousands of times before.
She hesitantly remembered one time, after the Doctor had a particularly bad nightmare, the two settled onto the couch; his head in her lap. She’d stroked his hair gently with one hand, reading the very same book out loud to him until he drifted off to sleep.
As she lay there now, her hands curled into fists, silently pleading for the familiar feel of his soft hair beneath her fingertips. The worry was eating her alive, she needed to know he was okay, that he was coming home.
She nearly fell off the couch in her surprise when she heard the wheeze of the TARDIS. She jumped to her feet, eyes glazing over slightly as she let out a breath of relief. After a minute—maybe two—the Doctor emerged from the doors of the Police Box. He wasn’t wearing his familiar tweed jacket. His shirt was unbuttoned in various places, and his bow tie hung untied pathetically around his neck. Her gaze drifted to the rips on his sleeves, revealing deep wounds. His hair was a mess of sweat and blood.
Amy stared at him blankly, before pure anger filled her veins.
“Where the fuck were you?”
He furrowed his brow at her, panting as he gripped the edge of the TARDIS. “Just the usual, Pond. Saving planets, rescuing people…” His face darkened. “Or…trying to, at least.”
“And you didn’t think to tell us? It’s been 5 days!”
He looked surprised. “Oh? Only 5?” He grinned wildly, patting the side of the TARDIS. “Good job, old girl. Now, if you don’t mind me, I’d love a bath.” He made a move to step past her, his balance wobbly.
“Oi! What the hell is wrong with you!?” Amy demanded, placing a hand on his chest to stop him.
“Excuse me?”
Amy shook her head in disbelief. “You’re so selfish, it astounds me. We thought you were dead! And here you are, acting like nothing is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong!” He insisted.
Amy scoffed, crossing her arms around her chest as she glared at him. She knew she should be relieved he was back, she knew she should be concerned about the wounds on his arms and the blood staining his shirt and hair, yet she was just so angry. Did he not realize how worried she’d been?
“You shouldn’t have left without saying anything. Some stupid planet can wait, you have a bloody Time Machine for god’s sake!”
“Right like the TARDIS is so good at taking me exactly where I need to go!” He argued, his voice raised in tone. “Besides, people were going to die if I hadn’t gone when I did.”
“Of course, they were!” Amy finally snapped. Her hands dug into her scalp as she closed her eyes. “Of bloody course, they were going to die. Y’know why raggedy man ?” The Doctor flinched at the harshness of her tone when she uttered the familiar nickname.
She’d never said it that… bitterly before.
“Because you were involved.” She spat, turning her head to the side so she wouldn’t have to face him. “Everywhere you go, people die. You put people in danger, you —” She cut herself off, shaking her head numbly. “Get out.”
“Amelia–”
“Do not call me that.”
They stood in silence for a minute. Amy inhaled sharply and the Doctor wondered how this escalated as quickly as it did.
“Amy, please—”
“I said, get out.” Her voice left no room for further argument, she refused to look at him, tears welling in the corners of her eyes.
The Doctor, for once in his incredibly long life, had no idea what to do. He didn’t know what he could say to fix this, he didn’t know what Amy needed to hear.
He’d done it now. He’d gone and spoiled one of the only good things in his life. He’d officially driven his best friend away from him. One of the two people he loved the most…she looked at him with nothing but pain and resentment swirling in those gorgeous eyes. He knew when Rory returned home, exhausted from his shift, Amy would tell him what happened. He would look at him the same way—not that he’d get the opportunity. The Doctor would be long gone by then.
He had never hated himself more.
Still, he knew he had no choice but to obey her wishes, even if this was the last time he could.
He felt tears spring into his eyes at the thought but didn’t dare let them fall. He didn’t need to cause her more pain.
He turned around, his gaze plastered on his shoes. He entered the TARDIS but paused in the doorway, angling his head back so she could hear.
“I’m truly sorry, Amy.”
Before she could give a response, the door to the TARDIS snapped closed.
Amy broke into sobs the minute she heard the familiar whooshing of the box vanishing. She clapped a hand over her mouth, chest heaving as she doubled over. A little over an hour passed before Rory returned home—it seemed like an eternity. He immediately rushed over to his distressed wife.
“Amy? Hey, hey what’s wrong?” He took a grip on her shoulders, eyes boring into hers with clear concern.
Amy didn’t say anything, just fell into Rory’s arms as her frame shook with unadulterated cries.
What had she done?
It had been three weeks since Amy had last seen the Doctor. Every breath she took felt like a stab in the gut. It wasn’t the length of time that scared her, god knew he’d stayed away longer. It was that she had zero idea when or if he was coming back.
She’d been angry, so so angry. She couldn’t even remember half the stuff she’d said, but she knew she’d never be able to get that hurt expression on his usually joyful face out of her mind.
What had she done?
She hated not knowing where he was. Was he okay? Was he ever going to come back? Was her last memory of him going to be an argument?
She shook the thoughts away, begging her mind to allow her to focus on the dishes in front of her. Rory was working a late shift, he’d apologized profoundly but Amy enjoyed the alone time. However, she did not enjoy the way her brain taunted her thoughts.
Of course, he’s never coming back, you told him to leave. He could be dead, and he could have died thinking you hate him.
She loved him. She loved him so much.
The thought of him being alone terrified her. He wasn’t meant to be alone. He was meant to be with her and Rory. He was meant to be home.
Rory tried to assure her that he’d be back, he always came back for them, but as the weeks dragged on, she could see the doubt and worry creeping into his eyes.
She would never be able to live with herself if the Doctor didn’t know how much she loved him. Even when he was an idiot, even when she got angry with him, she still loved him beyond comprehensible words. She was especially worried about the wounds he’d had the last time she saw him. Had he cleaned them properly? Had he bled out in the TARDIS scared and alone?
She almost thought she’d been imagining it when the clang of the TARDIS echoed from somewhere else inside the flat. She rubbed a tired hand over her forehead. “I’m losing it.”
“Maybe so…” A voice—a heart-clenchingly familiar one—said from behind her. “But you are the same girl whose imaginary friend came back. So, I’m afraid, this is not the start of you ‘losing it’ .”
Amy turned on her heels, her eyes locking with the Doctors.
He stood in the doorway to the kitchen. He was comfortably leaning against the frame, but his gaze darted around the room, and his long fingers fidgeted with his pant leg. Her gaze drifted to his arms, she could see the outline of bandages wrapped around his skin. She could breathe a bit lighter, at least he’d taken care of his injuries. He wore his normal shirt, tweed jacket, suspenders, and bow tie. He looked normal until Amy looked back at his face, as his eyes.
He looked exhausted.
She knew Time Lords didn’t need much sleep, but he looked like he hadn’t gotten a whiff of rest in weeks.
Oh.
“Before you say anything,” He raised his hand in the way of mock surrender. “I understand if you want me to get out or if you just want to tell me off more, but I needed to see y—”
Amy wasn’t sure where he was going with that sentence but she simply didn’t care. In a flash of movement, she crossed the space in between them. She all but yanked his lanky body into her arms, cradling the back of his head against her shoulder with one hand while the other clutched his jacket.
“You idiot. ” She whispered against the muffled fabric.
He was stiff in her arms for a moment longer than she desired, before a switch seemed to flip. He all but melted in her hold, his arms coming to hold her tighter against him, as though he’d never be able to hold her like this again.
He had thought that, hadn’t he?
The realization made something in Amy’s stomach twist painfully.
He sighed against her, pressing his nose into her shoulder in a way she’d grown familiar with.
“Not mad, then?” He asked after a minute. She would have laughed typically, but his tone just added to her heartache. He sounded so hopeful. Had he truly come here thinking she was going to kick him out again? To scream at him more?
Her poor, broken, Doctor.
“Not mad.” She confirmed, turning her head to press a kiss into his hair. He hummed softly against her in acknowledgment.
She held him tightly against her, unsurprised when she felt hot tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, words buried against the fabric covering his shoulder.
He stroked her hair gently with one hand in a calming way that was oh so familiar it made her want to sob harder.
“You were right. You don’t have to be sorry.” He whispered back. He sounded defeated, unlike his usual confident tone. She hated it. She hated that she was the cause of that tone.
“No.” She yanked back, hands cupping his cheeks gently between her palms. She sucked in a breath between her teeth when he flinched at the gesture. She gently stroked her thumb over his cheek, the ghost of a touch. “No, I was wrong. You can’t possibly think anything I said was true?”
He stayed quiet, his eyes fixated on the floor beneath them. “Amy–”
“ No .” The word was forceful, but not unkind. She needed him to believe her, he needed to. “You’re…you’re my hero. ” He started to shake his head in protest but she refused to let him continue. “You save so many people, you’ve saved me countless times. You’ve saved whole galaxies!”
“I’ve also been the cause of ruin to those same galaxies!” He argued, his fist clenching. “Everything I touch, I ruin. I’m a danger to anyone who travels with me. I put you and your husband in danger. You were right to be mad…”
“I wasn’t mad!” She snapped. She took a minute before she spoke again, willing herself to calm down. She was only making this worse. “I was scared, Doctor. You disappeared without a word and came home days later covered in blood, I was terrified. Listen, any deaths that may have happened were not your fault, okay? I know you would do everything in your power to save others but…” She paused, averting her eyes. “I also know you wouldn’t do everything in your power to save yourself.”
“Amy—”
“ No. Listen to me.” She pleaded, reaching out to hold his hand. She couldn’t help it as the ghost of a smile crossed her face at how their fingers always seemed to fit perfectly together. “You have to understand…I’m only human.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You say that as though it’s to be ashamed of.”
She shook her head, wishing he would just understand what she was trying to say. “No, all I’m saying is…humans tend to…misplace fear with anger.”
His eyes softened as his face shifted with understanding. “Amy—”
“I thought you weren’t coming back.” She whispered, tightening her hold on his hand impulsively. The truth of her words sank in. She hadn’t let herself think about that possibility—couldn’t possibly let her mind drift that far—but the thought of him not coming home, of never hearing his voice again…terrified her beyond measure.
“You can’t do that.” She whispered, staring up at his wet eyes. “You can’t just leave without telling one of us. Even just a note would do.” She inhaled shakily. “Never make me wake up to the sound of the TARDIS leaving again. You understand?”
He nodded immediately, pausing before he opened his mouth to speak again. “I’ll always come home, y'know.” He whispered.
He lifted their interlocked hands, pressing his lips to her fragile skin before gently resting it against his chest. She could feel the pounding of his hearts beneath her fingertips.
“Home?” Amy croaked. He’d never referred to this house as a home before.
He hummed softly with a nod. “I’ll always be back, for you and Rory.” He pulled her forward into his arms. “Nothing is gonna keep me away from you, Pond. Trust me.”
She believed him, she wasn’t letting anything take him from her, she would do everything in her power to make sure he would always come home to her and Rory, where he belonged. No matter how much he pissed her off, no matter how angry she got at him, she’d never want him anywhere else.
This was his home.