Work Text:
The League- or a few members anyway- gathered in the conference room, going through a debriefing of the battle they had just gone through. The holographic display at the centre of the table projected a map of Metropolis, where professor Ivo's latest crazed robots had been unleashed. Luckily there were no major injuries: Arrow had a few shallow cuts and Batman had gotten hit in the face by some kind of gas- he had an all in one pill that seemingly cured him though.
Now everyone( except Batman who was standing and yapping about how Lantern had made a wrong move or something) was slumping in their seats, barely registering the droning that was going on in the background. Clark longed for a distraction. He kinda wished something was happening back in Metropolis; curse that peaceful city. He sighed softly.
Batman could really talk when it was about work. He'd been rambling on and on for what seemed like the past 3 hours. Clark understood the need of it. He really did. But sometimes, even he, being invulnerable and all, got exhausted. How did Bruce, who was just a normal human, look the least tired. There were 2 aliens in the room, and they both looked like shit compared to him.
Finally, after what seemed like days, Batman sat back down in his seat with a husky "does anyone want to add anything?" Nobody ever did. Clark glanced at J'onn, then at the empty seat that belonged to Diana. It was almost always up to them three to add something. The others all had brilliant minds, and could very well pipe in, but they were generally on the verge of passing out from fatigue. Or too afraid to say something, just for it to get shot down brutally by Batman.
However, they were in for a surprise today: Green Arrow stood up. He stretched his limbs, as if the weight of Batman's gaze didn't faze him. "Alright, Bats. I've got something to say, "Oliver declared, his trademarked smirk firmly in place.
"I was thinking, maybe lighten up a bit? .We could use a little pizzazz instead of your constant Batglares" Flash, who had been drumming his fingers on the table, perked up at the mention of pizzazz. J'onn raised an eyebrow, clearly puzzled. Batman, on the other hand, looked ready to throw the green superhero out the Watchtower. And Clark was contemplating if he should do something.
"Is this some kind of joke, Arrow?" Batman's voice remained icy as he continued to stare down the man, who either didn't notice or didn't care based on the expression still plastered on his face.
"Oh, Mr. Broody, always with the serious act." Arrow rolled his eyes-rolled his eyes-at Batman. "Loosen the utility belt a bit! Dig that stick out your ass. Or maybe, I don't know, try telling a joke?"
Batman's scowl deepened. "We're not here for stand-up comedy."
"Sure, sure," he waved dismissively, gesticulating wildly in the air "But what if we combined both strategy and a lil razzle-dazzle? Picture this: Batman, the caped crusader, telling a knock-knock joke to intimidate the villains. Genius, right?"
Bruce grunted. Clark, being quite fluent in Bat-grunts decided it meant: "I don't have time for your nonsense."
Arrow dramatically clutched his heart. "C'mon Batsy. You're not making this easy"
Clark was sure Batman could burn a hole into the other man with just his glare. He was also quite confused as to why Arrow was antagonising someone he feared was some kind of 'ancient cryptid'. Nothing though- absolutely nothing- could prepare him for what would go down next.
The archer had somehow made his was over to where Bruce was sat and was now standing behind him. Chuckling, he stuck his arms out to the side, moving them slowly towards the personified shadow. What the hell was he doing? After a few very slow, agonising seconds, Arrows fingers reached Batman's cheeks and...he pinched them up into a smile.
There was an audible gasp. From several people, Clark realised. Himself included. The bat sat still, as he had been for the past minute, his hands steepled and resting on the table in front of him. Arrow, the madman, skipped back to his chair, twirling as he sat down. He had just dug his grave.
But why? The archer knew how stupid it was to mess with the Batman. Clark looked between the two men, one as dark and still as a gargoyle and the other with his shit-eating grin™.
If things were crazy at the moment, they were just about to get mental. Because now, Batman, instead of growling some curse on Arrow or going on a long tangent about how unprofessional he had been like how Clark would have expected him to, climbed onto the table and lunged across it like some kind of rabid marsupial. Cue the gasps once again.
Everyone stood from their chairs, the various scrapings of metal on marble becoming one. Someone shouted "ARROW!" at the same time Clark did "BATMAN!"- Flash he guessed, by the voice. What the fuck was going on??
It seemed he wasn't the only one wondering as Flash opened his mouth to voice his thoughts. "WHAT?! GUYSWHAT'REYOUDOING?!!". The only answer that came was the deafening high pitched pterodactyl screech that seemed to be coming from the flopping man pinned under Batman. Clark, startled, peered over at them. Was Batman... biting him????
"BATSY WHAT THE HELL! GET OFF!" Arrow squirmed, his shoulder now free of the bats surprisingly sharp teeth. He looked past Batman, straight at the shell-shocked league members. If surprise had a face, this would be its most comical masterpiece. "Some help here??"
Clark blinked, closing his jaw that had dropped low enough to house a family of spiders. He nodded dumbly as he approached the black and green tangle. What was he even supposed to do? Pry Batman off of Arrow like a damn cat? Well, that's all he could think of at the moment. So that's exactly what he did. He extended his arms out, gently sliding his hands under the bats arms and lifting him with a supportive grasp.
…That was easy. There was no grasping of clothes or awkward squirming or whatever Clark had expected there to be. Although he couldn't see his friends face, he expected it had the biggest scowl. Clark continued to hold the limp bat in front of him for an oddly extended period of time before Green Lantern gave a small cough from behind him. "R-right. Sorry Batman." he stammered as he placed the vigilante down on his feet, slightly to the left of the still grounded Arrow.
"Uhmmm." Everyone (Minus Batman who was still faced the other away) turned to look at the speedster. "Is there going to be no explanation to this??? Batsy just freaking jumped someone." He glanced wearily at the dark figure, as if he was scared the same would happen to him.
"Yeah no, that ain't no Spooky" Lantern shook his head in denial." Batman does not bite people. That.. that was freaking Ratman"
"I'm pretty sure it is him" Clark retorted "The heartbeats and breathing match."
"Plus, he was acting normal until... that happened." Flash chipped in.
Lantern would not have it. He crossed his arms. "Well then, explain why he just tackled Arrow to the ground? And why, oh god, did he sink his teeth into him?"
"Oh!" Flash covered his mouth, gasping. "What if his inner vampire came out? It would explain the shit that just went down"
"C'mon. Batman is not a vampire. If anything, he's one of those shadow people" Hal shivered.
"Whatever the case, we need to figure out the cause of their strange behaviour" It was J'onn that spoke now.
"I'm gonna go ahead and guess it was that gas that the robot shot at us. Batman did take most of it to the face" Superman suggested, grimacing at the memory. It was weird how they were talking about him as if he wasn't standing right there, hearing everything they were saying. Clark glanced over his shoulder. Arrow had gotten up and was dusting himself off but Batman was still stuck where he was placed down.
"Well yeah, but he took the pill" Weird way to say that, Flash. Really
"So what if he did? The cure probably wasn't mixed in whatever that was." Lantern shot back.
A small grunt came from the side. Everyone whipped around, finding Batman now facing them. "He's right" his voice sounded less gravely than normal. "That fucking gas was a suppressor or some shit"
Woah.
The group was now re-sat around the table. This time though, everyone was awake and extremely intrigued. Apparently, the gas had stripped Batman of his inhibitions, leaving him unbridled to act on almost all of his intrusive thoughts. Clark found the whole thing quite funny. Everyone else was absolutely bat-shit scared (heh) after that whole debacle that went down, but Clark knew Bruce had no creepy, weird urges or whatever. If anything, he'd just want to talk with his kids or take a nap or do a totally normal thing. The other Leaguers were probably- nay, most definitely, hoping Batman wouldn't resort to killing one of them.
Green Arrow had also been affected by the mysterious gas. Hal had theorised it was 'Probably cause of his injuries. The gas went straight into his bloodstream'. Clark didn't think it made much sense but he didn't question it. He was just a reporter, what would he know? Fortunately, the effects were short term and the two would return to their normal selves in a few hours.
Clark now sat with his arms resting on his lap, glancing around much like everyone else. Well, except Arrow and Batman . The former was lazily inspecting his arrows, almost as if he didn't have a set of teeth branded into his left shoulder. The latter had his legs crossed and propped up on the table. He was slumped in his chair, his face as blank as it always was. The whole blood-curdling atmosphere that perpetually followed Batman was non-existent. The man actually seemed approachable now.
"Yknow..." Everyone froze as Batman's voice rang throughout the room. It was weirdly normal, albeit a little sultry- it didn't seem to belong to the gothic, caped crusader that probably scheduled his growls on a Bat-calendar. "This is some strong shit. Haven't feel this burden-less since my folks died"
He could not just drop the craziest piece of Bat-lore and not expect some sort of outrage. Clark could already hear the "You have parents!?" before it rang out in Flash's voice.
Batman raised an eyebrow. The others probably couldn't tell with the cowl obscuring most of the man's face. "What, did you think I just popped into existence?". The speedster looked away in embarrassment. he had thought exactly that.
Silence settled again.
That is until the bat shifted in his seat. With his gloved hands now in front of him, he looked at them puzzlingly. After staring at his gauntlets(that resembled armoured tank parts more than anything )for a while, Batman began to take them off. In all the years of knowing him, Clark had seen him do that only a couple of times, and even then, there weren't others around.
Arrow ogled his teammates bare hands. "Ayyy, Hand reveal." He seemed to have forgotten about the incident that just went down.
"I can see why they were hidden. I feel like I've just seen a young maidens ankle" Flash added.
"Barry, you're too young to be saying that" Batman looked at the speedster. Although his voice was still shrouded by a modulator, it seemed the most human he had sounded yet.
"What? I'm not even that yo-" Flash stopped speaking as his eyes widened, realisation dawning. Clark guessed it was probably cause Batman had used a name. Flash's name. "No, you cannot just do that! How did you even- ugh, you're Batman. obviously you know- Still though, HOW?"
"You just said it. I'm Batman" He leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest, those pretty fingers of his tapping his biceps.
"So Batman, you wouldn't happen to know who-? Lantern began, before rudely being cut off by a gruff "Hal Jordan" from Batman.
"What, so you just snooped on us? We're your team, bro" Lantern whined. J'onn hummed while nodding in agreement.
"I'm a paranoid man, what did you think I'd do? Trust you from day one? When I didn't even know you?"
"That is quite understandable Batman, but by now, you must have confidence in us, right?" There was a moment of silence. The League had been active for a little over two years now, Batman had to trust them by now. J'onn repeated the last worst again. "Right?"
A firm "Yes" came as an answer.
"You worried us there for a second, Batsy" Flash- Barry -spoke up. "So, who are you? I mean, you know our real identities so we should know yours. Right?"
"I'm not so sure about that, Barry. Honestly, I expected at least one of you to figure out who I was" He sighed, almost as if he was disappointed. "I wrote up hundreds of different scenarios on how I'd take suspicion off my real identity and I haven't had to use a single one. Do you know how long it took me to write those up?? and for nothing??" Obviously he would be annoyed at that. Typical Batman.
Batman turned to face him "Clark, you-" He stopped as he realised that Superman did in fact know who he was. He 'Hmphed', which Clark was sure meant: you only know cause I wanted you to.
His head moved as he looked at the others. "Hal, you're a smart lad- it takes a lot more than skill to become a pilot. You too Barry, your brain literally works hundreds of times faster than anyone else's."
The bat sighed again. Clark felt kinda bad as he saw the dejected looks on his teammates faces. It was still kinda funny though. "I expected this from Ollie, not you lot"
"Hey!" Arrow, who had been quietly inspecting the contents of his quiver , was now glaring at the bat.
"You know I'm not wrong" the bat shrugged.
Before Oliver could say anything, Flash interrupted "Wait, why'd you even, for the lack of a better word, attack Arrow?" he glanced between the two, still on edge.
Batman gritted his teeth, his scowl back on full force. "Why?" He moved his head, looking away while he spoke. "Cause he's a bitch" he spat the words as if they were poison.
"What the fuck?? What'd I even do to you!" Arrow sounded exasperated
"Oh please, what didn't you do?" The bat stood, leaning forward with his hands on the table "Your idiotic pranks have the whole family against me!! You fucking embarrassed me! In front of my kids!"
The room froze. It was as if time itself had slowed, allowing each member of the League to reflect on the newfound knowledge. Clark knew there would be chaos in the coming seconds.
"...oh"
"WHAT??!"
"KIDS??!!"
"SPOOKY!!!?"
"excuse me??"
Everyone erupted at the same time, their voices overlapping in disbelief.
"Waitwaitwaitwait. Arrow, of all people knew, but you didn't tell the rest of us!?" Hal was also stood up now, and practically lying on the table with how much he was leaned in.
"What, no! I'm as lost as you are! And what do you mean me of all people??!" Arrow shot back.
Hal side-eyed Arrow, deciding to ignore him "Spooky, care to explain?"
"Ollie's just a stupid man that I have the displeasure of knowing." Batman was now glaring into Arrow's soul.
"Oh c'mon. Who even are you?!"
"oh you-" Batman was wiggling his finger at the other man now. He sentence was cut off by said man clambering over the table and grabbing his hand mid wiggle. Clark couldn't help but find the weird dejavu intriguing- Now both men had scaled the table like little rats.
"No way." 'Ollie' was staring at the bats hand, particularly a small scar on the pinkie. "I knew your hand looked familiar. You- Bruce?"
Batman's white-lensed eyes narrowed "Took your fucking time putting that together"
Clark still couldn't deal with Batman using profanities. It just really wasn't like him. Oliver slid off the table and back into his seat, quite shell-shocked. "I knew you were weird, but dressing up as a bat? Sheesh"
"Said by the Robin Hood wannabe"
Arrow gasped "You didn't!" to which Batman just gave a lopsided smirk- one which Clark had only seen "Brucie" use. The sweet enchanting smile
Hal clutched his pearls while simultaneously grabbing onto Flash's arm with his other hand. Clark couldn't blame him. The Brucie-smile™ really was something.
"Pause!" Flash shot his hand up. "Arrow, how the hell do you know Batsy? Or should I say 'Bruce'?"
"Well, we kinda grew up together?"
"Grew up together?" Clark repeated in question. He already knew, but he wanted to say something.
"Yeah. We were even roommates in boarding. Well, until I left" Batman spoke now.
"You mean until you ran away." Oliver chuckled, before his eyes grew in surprise. "Oh shit! Is that when you learnt all your martial arts?!"
"No shit" Bruce smirked again, slightly.
"I cannot deal with this" Flash's face was in his hands now. "I get a mini heart attack each time you smile Batsy."
"Same here. Plus I'm still so confused" Hal nodded, as if agreeing to his own words. he turned to face Clark "You knew didn't you? So does Wonder Woman probably."
"What!!. So it's just us two that didn't know?" Barry gasped, scandalised.
"I didn't know for a while either" Oliver raised his hands in defence just to be stared at by the lantern and speedster. Their eyes scram: traitor. "Okay fine." He huffed, a mischievous grin growing on his face. Oh no. "Would it make you feel better if I tell you that Batman is Bruce freaking Wayne"
"WHAT??!"
"NOOO WAYYY!"
Clark sighed. Sure, Batman didn't care if they knew who he was at the moment, but as soon as the drug wore off, he'd beat Oliver's ass