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It was summer. But the night was chilly. The mist from the ocean swirling around the air didn’t help. Earlier, it was so humid and dry. Now, it was cold and wet. Why Yukari would come out here for comfort was beyond Makoto. Perhaps she wasn’t thinking—she did seem to leave in a rush. Regardless, he went to follow her. Whether Mitsuru suggested to or not, he was already getting to his feet to go after her.
The closer Makoto got to Yukari, the louder the waves became. They were surprisingly active for this time of day. Maybe that’s why Yukari came to the edge of the beach in the first place—to drown out her thoughts. In a strange way, the waves seemed to hypnotize him, but Makoto cut his focus back to the girl. Her back was to him, but he could read her body language as if he was reading the expression on her face. She didn’t move a muscle. Makoto wasn’t even sure if she knew he was approaching her. His footsteps were soft, the sand silencing his every move.
“I believed in him for so long…”
So she did know he was here.
Without turning her head, Yukari continued talking. “This is too much…”
Makoto may not have known too much about Yukari, but he did know she had a complicated history with her parents. She didn’t elaborate too much, but he knew her father passed away when she was younger, and that she wasn’t on the best of terms with her mother. From what he understood, Yukari and her father got along well before he died. And of course, that she probably missed him a lot, especially if she and her mom don’t get along. Makoto doesn’t really remember either of his parents, but he supposed he misses them, too. He honestly didn’t think much about the accident, or them. But for Yukari, she obviously very much missed her father. Made sense, given her relationship with her mom. That man on the screen just a minute ago was him. Mitsuru’s father confirmed it, let alone how Yukari reacted to seeing his face in the recording. Makoto couldn’t begin to relate to her. How was he? They may share having dead parents, but his parents weren’t involved in the Dark Hour at all, just unfortunate victims. While Makoto accepted the Dark Hour with little to no hesitation, since he met Yukari he knew she had reservations about the entire situation.
Finally, Yukari turned her head to Makoto, confirming what he suspected. Her father died in the Iwatodai incident. Despite the revelation, her voice stung. Now you know the whole story. She told him like it was a thorn in her side, as if she was annoyed or stating the obvious (but at this point, she kind of was). But then she elaborated.
The venom in her voice still, Yukari continued. “Nobody knew the truth, so there were all sorts of rumors…because he was in charge of the research team for the Kirijo Group, people were really mean to me and my mom.”
Her eyes drifted down, her gaze going towards the sand, or maybe his feet. Although, this entire time Yukari never made eye contact as she spoke. “We even had to move a few times.”
Makoto kept his eyes on her face, even if she was avoiding him. He was never the best at socializing, let alone comforting someone. But, he was observant of others. Yukari and Makoto never truly hung out together, but they were paired on missions a lot during the Dark Hour and for other SEES activities, on top of sitting near each other in class. After a few months of living together with someone and essentially being around them 24/7, you pick up on their personality and quirks, even if you don’t particularly pay much attention. Sure, Yukari may not always keep her opinions to herself, but she always seemed to hide behind a facade. A glass wall, where you could see her, but not without a barrier in the way. At this moment, that glass wall was cracking. Suddenly, her slight standoff-ish attitude and her hesitance to trust Mitsuru made a lot more sense. And Makoto couldn’t blame her.
“That must’ve been tough,” he told her after a few moments.
“Yeah…” she confirmed, her eyes going back to the ocean. “But, all this time, I kept telling myself it wasn’t his fault.”
Before she continued, Yukari changed her posture, her hands balling into fists at her side. Makoto couldn’t help but see her brow furrow, too. “I always believed he was innocent, that he could do no wrong. I loved him, and looked up to him. Ever since I was little, I thought he could never do anything bad, or anything to hurt innocent people.”
Yukari let out a heavy breath, her shoulders loosening. It was like she literally dropped a weight from her shoulders, like the hardest thing to say was already out, so she could relax now. She lifted her face to look up at the moon, her eyes looking distant.
“Back in the spring, I received a letter from my dad. He wrote it ten years ago, before the incident. It was for me and my mom, but it was pretty much all about me. It cracked me up.” Yet, no trace of a smile was anywhere on her form. “That only made me believe in him more…”
This time, Yukari turned her back to Makoto, trying to hide any sign of vulnerability. Weird to do that now, consider this entire conversation was vulnerable. The glass was already breaking, but there was still more to go. Maybe Yukari felt it, too, and that’s why she was so keen on keeping her expressions hidden as much as possible.
“That’s why when I found out about being able to summon my Persona, I thought it was fate. I found out the same night I got the letter. I was scared, but I cooperated with the Kirijo Group because I thought I could find out the truth. That’s why I agreed to fight.
“But it turns out, all of that was for nothing.” Yukari finally turned around to Makoto, giving him a fake smile and her eyes filled with tears.
Makoto was stunned. He had never seen Yukari like this before. Even when she had problems sprung on her suddenly, even when she was close to dying when they first met, she never cried. For her to cry now, she must’ve been hiding a lot of pain.
“That’s not true,” Makoto told her, his voice sincere.
Yukari just scoffed. “Hah, You’re just trying to make me feel better,” she retorted before her smile turned into a sneer. “Reality sure is harsh, huh? This is what I get for trying to fight my fears. Actually, I think I was jealous of Mitsuru-senpai this entire time. I mean, why my father and not hers?”
Her sneer leaving, and her brow softening, Yukari finally turned to face Makoto, a tear trailing down her cheek. “I’m really a horrible person, aren’t I?”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself…” Makoto trailed. He might not understand everything about girls, let alone Yukari, but from what he just heard her confess to him, nothing she did was wrong. It was normal to be jealous of people who have what you don’t. At least, he thought so. Even if he didn’t get jealous often himself, he never judged people for it. Right now, he especially wouldn’t blame Yukari for being jealous of those who still have their father.
Hearing his response, Yukari scowled at him. “Well aren’t you Mr. Perfect? Nothing ever fazes you. You always act so calm, like nothing even happens. And now, you’ve got the nerve to try and tell me how to feel?!”
The longer she talked, the angrier she became, and the more her voice rose in volume. “I bet you’re taking pity on me like everyone else!” she spat, taking a step closer to Makoto. “You think you know me? You don’t know anything! Don’t act like you understand me when you don’t!”
Before she knew it, Yukari was only a few centimeters away from Makoto, her hands tugging on his shirt. Makoto didn’t mind. She was upset, letting everything pour out. His shirt was a v-neck tee. He would be able to breathe fine. But it was Yukari he was worried about. The glass finally shattered. Just like when glass shatters, it breaks everywhere. Yukari was breaking on this beach, all over Makoto.
It seemed the emotional wreckage caught up to her, because after a few deep breaths, her grip on Makoto’s shirt changed from tugging him forward to rough him up, to clenching onto him for support. She evaded his eyes again, lowering her head to stare at her feet. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I’m pathetic. My head’s a mess… I’m scared… I don’t know what I’m saying anymore...”
Her grip got tighter, and her voice more desperate. “What am I supposed to do? I’m totally lost…”
The entire time Yukari had her hands on his shirt, Makoto didn’t look at her head. It wasn’t his place to see her so upset. Like she said, he didn’t know her. Not like that, at least. She deserved some sort of privacy. The last thing she would want (assumingly) was Makoto literally looking down on her.
Keeping his eyes up, Makoto told her what he thought. “Regardless, of everything,” he said quietly, his voice low and in his usual careless attitude, “You should keep believing in him.”
“Huh?”
Taken aback by his response, Yukari lifted her head to meet Makoto’s eyes, only to see his head turned back towards the ocean as if he didn’t say anything at all. She couldn’t help but let out a giggle.
“Y’know, you really are one of a kind.”
Yukari kept speaking as she turned towards the ocean herself. “I’m sorry I’m acting like this, acting like I’m the only one who lost someone because of that explosion. You’ve lost both of your parents…”
She smiled, this time genuinely. Without a trace of sadness or fakeness appearing across her visage. “But I’m alright now. I’m used to dealing with stressful situations. Anyway, thanks for listening. I’m glad I talked to you.”
Oh.
It seemed both teenagers realized at the same time the proximity of their bodies. Yukari’s grip on Makoto’s shirt, the way her body was leaning to his, how close their eyes were…
Clearing her throat, Yukari took a step back, her cheeks heating up as she broke eye contact. “Lemme guess, Mitsuru-senpai asked you to bring me back, right?”
Makoto could see through her bluff. It may have been only a brief second, but he saw something in her eyes before she stepped back. That something was in his, too. He didn’t realize it until now, but Yukari was always by his side. Sure, he wasn’t the best with girls, but how did he not see it until now?
Then, Makoto did something he never thought he would do. He took his hands out of his pockets. Firm, but not crushing, he wrapped his arms around Yukari, pulling her back towards him. His eyes focused on meeting hers, even if she kept trying to find somewhere—anywhere—else to look.
“I came because I wanted to.”
Makoto felt Yukari tense under his fingers. Her breath hitched, her face matching her top. Yet, she kept eye contact. It was like she was putting the pieces together herself. Were the two of them really this oblivious the entire time?
Courage was able to find its way to Yukari’s voice, her playful smile coming back. “Ooh~ such a gentleman,” she teased, her cheeks crumbling the facade her voice put on.
Makoto’s grip on her tightened so slightly, his ears pounding as the waves just beside them seemed to grow exponentially and crash louder than before.
“Am I still a gentleman if I do this?”
Not understanding his question, Yukari raised her brow, but nearly immediately after both of them raised up her face once she saw Makoto lean in. Makoto himself didn’t really know what he was doing, but he wouldn’t tell her that. All he knew were two things—that he did, truly, have feelings for Yukari for a while and just never realized until now, and two, that he wanted to kiss her right now. And he will admit, he didn’t know Yukari well. He doesn’t know her like that, and there’s a lot he still wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for tonight, but he felt like he knows her well enough to know she wants to kiss him, too.
Her hands already on his shirt’s neckline, Yukari gripped the fabric tighter. Was it nerves, or because she wanted him closer? She couldn’t tell you. But she wanted it enough to not pull back. Fingers encasing his tee harder, she slowly leaned towards the boy. Her heart was pounding so hard that her ears felt on fire, the mist from the ocean feeling like sweat. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to let go of Makoto’s shirt. She was frozen. The only part of her body that moved was her head, tilting forward closer, and closer, and closer.
Until she couldn’t be any closer.
Makoto wasn’t entirely sure how this was supposed to go. He never kissed anyone before. The only thing he heard of was from Kenji—a comment about a girl using too much teeth. In the moment, Makoto didn’t think about it when he leaned in. Only when his lips were already touching Yukari’s was when he became conscious of it. Maybe he was doing okay. Truthfully, he wasn’t too focused on it. All Makoto could think about was how Yukari’s lips tasted like her strawberry lip gloss, and that it wasn’t as sticky as he thought lip gloss would be. He could feel Yukari’s shoulders relax the longer the kiss lasted. Maybe he really was doing okay at this.
Yukari was drowning in Makoto’s embrace. His lips were so gentle, it almost felt like they weren’t even touching her’s. Her frame fit snugly in his arms. She felt warm and secure, like she didn’t need to worry about anything. Yukari couldn’t remember the last time she felt this way. She didn’t want this feeling to end. If it ended, she didn’t know when she could feel it again. So, she kept her lips pressed against Makoto’s for as long as she could, desperate for the kiss to last forever. Even if she had to be out here during the Dark Hour, she felt that she would risk it to savor this feeling.
Her dream didn’t last as long as she wanted. Although, she doubted any amount of time was long enough. Makoto softly pulled away, his eyes still locked to her’s. His face was as serious as always, but something was different about it. If Yukari hadn’t just shared that kiss, she probably wouldn’t have noticed the slight vulnerability in his expression, showing how he truly felt about her. No words were needed, because the subtleties of his moonlit visage told her everything she needed to know.
The waves were ringing in the teenagers’ ears, but somehow Junpei was still loud enough to get their attention. Both quickly took a few steps back from each other, trying to not get caught in such an intimate scene.
“Yuka-tan, are you okay?” Junpei asked, out of breath from how fast he booked over to the ocean. “You’ve been out here forever! Everyone’s worried about you.”
Smiling at him, Yukari assured him she was fine. Everyone, huh? she thought to herself. Makoto sure had a way of showing he was worried.
“Y’know, I’ve been thinking lately,” she admitted, turning her back towards the two boys. “Once you awaken to the power of Persona, your memories of the Dark Hour aren’t wiped away anymore. It’s like…trading away your innocence. No matter how much you want to forget, you give up being able to look away from the things that are really going on.”
She turned back around to face them, her lips curled in a soft smile. The moon shined down on her beautifully, outlining her with silver against the dark blue ocean waves and the black sky. Yukari was bright, and Makoto took notice of how she was brighter than even a full moon.
“I guess we have no choice. We can’t turn back. We have to fight, and I’m stuck with you guys.”
Junpei smiled back at his friend, glad to see her cheerful again after the last time he saw her earlier in the evening. “Pretty much! C’mon, let’s head back. It’s late.”
Tilting his head to lead the way, Junpei turned around and started walking back to the cottage. Makoto turned to Yukari, trying to catch her line of sight. She turned back to him, her smile still on her face.
“Thank you, Makoto,” she told him, her cheeks dusted the slightest bit of pink. If Makoto had to guess, it was from Junpei running in on them so abruptly. He felt the same way himself, and hoped his cheeks weren’t as noticeable as hers.
“It’s nothing,” he responded. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Yukari could just take his word for it, but she came to realize that Makoto just expressed himself a bit around the bush. Yeah, he did want to make sure she was okay. But he was still underestimating everything that he just did for her. Maybe she would talk to him about everything else tomorrow, or even after they got back to the dorms.
For the rest of tonight, she would not worry about it. Still, she felt reassured. What she learned tonight may not have been what she wanted to hear, and definitely not expected, but she couldn’t take it back. Her mind wasn’t jumbled as much anymore, and she knew she had others to rely on now that they learned the troubles she had kept secret for the last ten years. And she couldn’t wait to let Makoto know more.
Nonchalantly, Yukari slipped her hand into Makoto’s, keeping her head in front of her so she could see where she was going. Makoto was caught off guard, especially since Junpei was still here with them. Yet, he didn’t pull away. He held onto her hand strongly, making sure she didn’t run away again tonight. There might not be a lot he can do for her right now, but he can hold her steady when she falls.
The two kept their hands intertwined all the way back to the cottage, with Junpei none the wiser. And as they left the beach, Makoto could finally hear his own breathing again, for the waves stopped, and the ocean stay perfectly still.