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Soap wipes a towel over his sweaty forehead, frowning at the rough texture. He's glad he finished his workout, everything is getting to loud in the gym. It feels like people are making themselves louder just to irritate him.
He grabs his water bottle and makes his way to the showers. He keeps his head low, ignoring everyone greeting him. He just doesn't have it in him to greet them back.
The 141 just came back from a grueling mission a few days ago. He's tired. He wants to go to bed and sleep until he's needed again.
When he gets to the showers, a relieved sigh leaves him when he finds it empty. He makes quick work of cleaning up and heads to his room. He enters his room, closing the door behind himself, leaving it unlocked. As always.
He drops his dirty clothes in his hamper, to be worried about later. He's on leave, he can be lazy for a bit. He climbs onto his bed, grabbing his phone on his night stand.
He looses time watching videos on his phone. He lays there for hours, the day passing him. When he looks up from his phone the morning sky has changed to a gray evening sky.
Soap puts his phone back on his night stand to charge. He lays there looking up at the ceiling. A soft knock on his closed door makes him turn his head, sky now black.
"Yeah?" Soap calls when the person knocks again.
"Wanna join us for dinner?" Price's voice sounds from behind the closed door.
"Be right out." Soap says as he gets up.
Soap wipes his hand through his messy mo-hawk. Making sure it's not standing in every direction. He makes his way out of his room, Price smiling when he sees him. Soap nods in greeting and they walk towards the mess.
"Your favourite today. Pork chops and mash." Price says, Soap can hear the smile in his voice.
"Okay." Soap says simply.
Inside the mess it isn't hard to find the rest of the 141. Gaz and Ghost sitting at their usual table. The one in the corner with a clear view of the whole room.
Soap dishes his food and goes over to the others, Price walking behind him.
"Haven't seen you all day mate." Gaz says as greeting.
"Just in my room." Soap answers, sitting down.
"You spent the whole day in your room?" Ghost ask, teasing tone in his voice.
"Just resting." Soap says, taking a bite of mash.
Gaz chuckles, Ghost just hums and Price looks over him. He ignors them, focusing on his food. He takes a bite of the pork chop, almost spitting it out after the first chew. He frowns, grimaces as he slowly chews the piece of meat.
He swallows. Maybe there was something wrong with his taste. He takes another, smaller bite. Yes, there was definitely something wrong. He finishes his mash, leaving the meat to the side.
"Not hungry?" Ghost asks when Soap stands.
Soap looks down at his plate. Meat sitting there, practically untouched.
"It tastes too much of pork today." Soap tries to explain.
Luckily, it looks like Ghost understands. They walk together to the bin, Soap throwing away the meat and putting away his tray.
"It's still early, wanna go for a walk?" Ghost asks as they leave the mess
"Not really." Soap answers.
"Have plans already?"
"No. Think I wanna lay down a bit."
They walk silently towards Soap's room. Soap keeping his eyes forward. When he gets to his room he looks towards Ghost, who's hovering close to him.
"I'll see you later." Soap says, opening his door.
Ghost doesn't say anything, he just nods. Soap can see his mask move around his mouth, but he doesn't want to read into it now. He enters his room and closes the door behind him, not locking it. He never does.
He climbs onto his bed again, grabbing his phone and gets comfortable. He looks at the time. Not even 8 yet. He lays there, scrolling through his phone and watching videos.
A knock makes Soap turn his head towards the door. He looks at the time. Just past 10. The door opens slowly, the person not waiting for his answer.
Soap looks at the door, Price's head pops in from behind it. He doesn't step into the room, just looks at Soap from there.
"Are you okay?" Price asks.
"Yeah." Soap says with a frown.
"Why are you keeping to yourself?"
"Just want to be alone I guess." Soap says with a shrug.
"You'll tell me if somethings wrong, right?" Price asks.
"Of course." Soap nods.
"Okay son. Rest well." Price says, closing the door and leaving.
Soap looks at the closed door. It there something wrong with wanting to be alone? It's his off time, he can do with it what he pleases.
Soap huffs, putting his phone on charge again. He climbs into bed, covering himself with his blankets, falling asleep.
Soap wakes, to his irritation, to the sound of knocking.
"Mate?" Gaz calls.
"What?" Soap ask, voice gruff with sleep.
"Did I wake you?" Gaz asks, sounding guilty.
"Yea." Soap huffs.
"Sorry mate. Breakfast is almost over."
"It's fine. I'll grab something later." Soap says, pulling the blanket over his head.
He hears his door slowly open, Gaz making his way towards him.
"Are you okay?" Gaz asks, patting his hair that's sticking out.
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Soap hears him shifting on his feet. Soap stays quiet, almost falling asleep again when he hears Gaz leave. Soap removes the blanket from over his head. He turns his back to the door, closes his eyes and drifts of to sleep again.
That's how he spends his day. Waking up, scrolls through his phone a bit and then sleeps again. He misses lunch, Gaz asking him if he ate something. He lies to make him go away, so he can fall asleep again.
When night sneaks up on him, he flinches awake when someone knock hard on his door.
"Johnny!"
Soap gets up opening the door. He looks up to Ghost with a frown.
"Johnny." Ghost says softly.
Soap just stares at him. Still recovering from his rude awakening. Ghost looks over his face. Eyes jumping around as he looks for something.
"Are you okay?"
Soap closes his eyes, fighting away his irritation. He takes a deep, calming breath and opens his eyes again.
"I'm fine. I told Price and Gaz the same."
Ghost looks over him again, making his irritation grow with every second.
"Can I help you with something L.T?" Soap ask when it's clear Ghost isn't going to say anything.
Ghost snaps his eyes back to Soaps. Staring at him, again. Soap stares back, his eyes heavy from how tired he still is.
"Did something happen?" Ghost finally asks.
"What?" Soap asks confused.
"You're not yourself."
Soap looks at him, irritation making way for confusion. Not himself? He's just resting after a hard mission.
"Not myself?" Soap asks.
"Yeah. You're not usually like this." Ghost says, gesturing to him.
"Like what? I'm resting. It was a hard fucking mission! I am fucking allowed to rest how I fucking want to!" Soap shouts, sudden flare of anger bursting through him.
He closes his door, locking it for the first time. Ghost knocks on it again, calling his name. Soap ignors him, crawling back into bed. He covers his head with his pillow. Drowning out Ghost desperate pleas.
Soap doesn't know how long he lays there. Drifting in in out of sleep. Sometime ago the persistent knocking stopped. He doesn't remove the pillow from his head, so he can't see the sky change.
After who knows how long, Soap wakes up when someone touches him gently. He's still covered with his blanket, pillow securely over his head.
The hand soflty runs over his covered arm, up and down.
Soap feels heavy and far away. His head is a mess of fog and nothingness. He feels it thumping painfully with his heartbeat.
He lays there a bit, taking the small comfort that's being given to him. Whoever is there doesn't try to wake him. Isn't trying to make him speak. Just being there for him.
After a few minutes Soap removes his head from under the pillow. He doesn't look at who ever is sitting next to him. The hand freezes when he moves. But when he's settled again, it continues.
"We're worried." Price says soflty.
Soap just stares in front of himself. He has nothing to say. They shouldn't be worried. He's just resting after the mission.
"Soap?" Price calls softly, squeezing his arm.
Soap doesn't react. Just lays there, head empty but full of pain.
"Son?" Price tries again, voice so full of worry.
Soap sighs. He slowly sits up, looking towards Price.
"What's wrong?" Price asks, face twisted with worry.
"Nothing." Soap says.
"Don't lie to me." Price says desperately.
Soap looks at him confused. He's fine.
"Son?" Price asks again.
"Nothing's wrong. You're all allowed to rest as you want. Why can't I?" Soap asks with a frown.
"This isn't just resting son." Price says.
Soap tilts his head in confusion.
"What are you feeling right now, and don't lie to me."
Soap thinks a bit. He's not feeling anything but tired. And his head hurts something fierce.
"I'm tired. That's why I'm resting." Soap finally says.
"You've been in here for almost two full days. I think just being tired has long since passed."
"It was a hard mission. I'm allowed my rest." Soap frowns.
"When have you eaten last? Yesterday morning? Dinner has long since passed."
"I wasn't hungry." Soap mumbles.
"You know this isn't right. Son, please."
Soap stares at him, lost to what he's supposed to do.
"Please." Price repeats.
"I don't know what you want." Soap says honestly.
Price lets out a sigh. He rubs a hand over his face, looking away form Soap.
Soap doesn't know what to do. What to say. He just doesn't know what Price wants.
"Gaz is worried. You shut him out, pushed him away. Ghost is very worried. You've never locked someone out of your room. Him being the first, he's very fucking upset." Price whispers, still looking away from Soap.
Soaps heart aches. The first real thing he feels. He didn't mean to upset them. He just wanted to be alone.
"We missed you at the mess. We missed you in the comms. We missed you. We're worried about you." Price continues.
Soaps heart squeezes. His breath leaving him in a rush. A flood of unwanted, burried down, emotions hit him at once.
"I-I...I di-idn't... me-an to-o." Soap stutters out. Chest clenching with every aborted breath.
All the emotions he didn't want to feel, the sadness, the worry, the anger flood through him. It's too much.
"I di-dn't-..."
Soap lets out a pained sob. Chest burning, head aching.
"Son, breathe for me."
Soap tries, he does. A pained whine leaves him.
"Please. Breathe!"
"Sor-rr-ry...." Soap wheezes, feeling dizzy.
"Just breathe for me. It's okay. Please just breathe." Price says, nearly sobs to him.
Small breaths enter, enough to prolong the pain, but not enough to calm him.
"Fuck. I'm getting Ghost." Price says, standing.
Soap grabs his hand tightly. He can't be alone anymore.
"Please let go. He'll be able to help." Price says, desperately pulling away.
Soap hold on tighter.
"Shit." Price says, feeling in his pockets for his phone.
He lets out a pained sound when he realizes he doesn't have it. He looks around, seeing Soaps phone on his nightstand.
Soap stares through blurry vision as Price taps on his phone. Everythings getting harder to focus on. He is desperately trying to breath. To make the pain stop.
He moves his eyes towards the door when it bang open. Everyting happens in a blur.
Suddenly he's being held tightly against someones chest. Heat engulfing him. Soft words are being mumbled into his ear.
His grips loosens from Prices arm as he finally relaxed. He takes a deep breath, followed by another and another. He sags into the warmth behind him, closing his eyes.
"Don't fall asleep." Ghost deep voice startles him.
He open his eyes. Seeing Price sit back down on the bed. A few seconds of silence, Gaz enters with a tray of food and a bottle of water.
"How're you feeling Johnny?" Ghost asks as Gaz steps closer.
"Like shit." Soap huffs, throat scratchy.
Ghost takes the water Gaz hands him. He opens it and helps Soap drink. He finishes half the bottle before he turns his head away.
"Brought you something to eat." Gaz says with a small smile.
"Thanks." Soap whispers.
Gaz hands the tray to Price. There are some crisps and a mix of cut up fruit. Price helps him eat. Holding out bites for him to eat while Ghost rubs his arms. Gaz sits down by his feet, soflty rubbing his covered leg.
Soap feels tears roll down his face. No one comments. Just lets him be.
When he's finished, Price puts the tray on the ground.
"I'm sorry." Soap whispers.
Ghost squeezes him from behind, Price squeezes his arm and Gaz his leg.
It's okay.