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Matthew may be a little hard headed.
Hanbin has been telling him that he needs to be careful. Not to go too far to the point of no return. That it’s dangerous, in a silent killer type of way.
But Gunwook, Gunwook makes his skin tingle. In the odd way he’s never felt before. He goes along with everything Matthew says just because it’s Matthew, even if it’s weird. Gunwook makes his heart beat out of his chest at just the simplest actions—a hand combing through his hair, fingers crawling up the back of his neck before he gets pulled into a hug, putting the stickers of Matthew’s favorite characters on the back of his phone.
For a while, he identified the feeling he got as purely endearment. There’s no denying that Gunwook is someone who carries a large amount of care for everyone. He hugs people like he’s trying to become one with them, protect them, take away the burdens that plague them if need be or show his acceptance of the love they give.
He’s a sponge. Sitting in the cabinet underneath the sink—always there if you need it and able to absorb whatever’s given to him.
Matthew knows, he knows, Hanbin is staring at the back of his head when they part after finishing recording their dance video. Gunwook makes a passing comment about going to one of the studios and Matthew finds himself trailing behind him after he says goodbye to Hanbin.
It’s not like he’s going to do anything. Probably. Hanbin’s only looking out for him, trying to stop Matthew from getting into the web that is in-group relationships. Hanbin knew about his short-lived crush on Jiwoong, he even knew about the crush Matthew had on him a few years ago. He knows Matthew is vulnerable and that wearing his heart on his sleeve can eventually tip him off the edge.
But Matthew also knows he doesn’t regret what he has with Hao. So all of this is a problem for a different time. He’s going to live in the moment.
Gunwook looks over his shoulder when he realizes there’s footsteps behind him. Matthew’s sandals are making that obnoxious flapping noise every time he takes a step so there was no point of hiding it.
He’s said it before, but one of many things that Matthew likes about Gunwook is that he really does go along with anything.
Even in the short amount of time they’ve gotten to know each other, it felt like they’ve been friends for years. Bonded by a red string of fate.
Even with something as simple as this. Gunwook reaches out his arm until Matthew is close enough to duck under it, pulling him into his side as they continue to walk down the hallway. Matthew curls his hand around his wrist and brushes his thumb across the veins leading up to his palm. An act of comfort.
Matthew doesn’t really know what his intentions are when he locks the door behind them. It could be nothing, he locks the door when he’s trying to get on a livestream to talk to the fans. Sometimes just because he doesn’t want anyone to enter in general—desperate for a moment of privacy that he so sparingly can get.
The lights are still off, Gunwook didn’t make a move to turn them on so he doesn’t either. Instead he sits on the bench by the door, watching as Gunwook takes a seat at the desk and moves to turn on the computer.
“Did you come in here to sing?”
Gunwook swivels around to face him, pushing his hood to cover his head. “Yeah, we can do something else. If you want.”
Something else. He knows Gunwook means nothing by that and not what Matthew takes it as. They could watch videos online, maybe write lyrics together, or draft the next idea for their mukbang show. None of that truly sounds appealing at the moment.
Matthew doesn’t even process himself moving to get up from where he’s sitting; he takes a couple of long strides to stand before where Gunwook is propped in the desk chair.
Gunwook raises his eyebrows as if he’s asking what Matthew’s doing, eyes wide and innocent. He has this boyish look that makes Matthew feel like he’s in high school again. Where he has a crush on someone in his class and only observes them from a distance. He wasn’t as direct back then.
Now, he gets what he wants, no matter the cost.
“Hyungie loves you,” Matthew says, moving to pull back the hood off of Gunwook’s head. His fingers dig through his hair until the pads of them brush against his scalp. Gunwook naturally leans into his touch, like a dog who lives for comfort and praise. It’s become a habit for him.
Gunwook’s never been one to shy away from saying those words to anyone. He expresses his love for their team loud and clear with no shame. But this side of him contradicts that one. This side of Gunwook is sheepish to the core. Compliments hit his skin like fire and heat it up as more come.
What Matthew finds interesting is that despite the embarrassment, he always responds.
“I love you too.”
Matthew lets the hand in his hair fall to his nape, then his fingers drag around his neck and back up to his ear. He observes how Gunwook only blinks in return at him, observes the way he can see the flush on his cheeks thanks to the light from the monitor.
He probably thinks that this is nothing again. Their usual skinship that Gunwook only receives from him, nobody else. It almost makes Matthew want to laugh.
He’s kind of tired of looking at Gunwook as some forbidden fruit. It’s annoying. What’s the harm in giving into want if nobody knows?
“Do you remember when you said you’d give me a kiss after your birthday live ended?”
“Hyung,” Gunwook whines quietly. His eyes dart away to look at something else; Matthew tugs on his earlobe to bring him back.
“It was a joke.”
For some reason those words don’t sting like they probably should. Maybe it’s because Matthew can see right through him. He knows how Gunwook’s stare lingers on him half of the time. The close proximity he puts them in even when there’s no plausible reason to besides selfishness. He’s had Gunwook spill his guts out to him when it’s just one of those nights where the day has been specifically draining.
It was not a joke. Just as Matthew wasn’t joking when he said he wanted a kiss from Gunwook. It had to be a joke because they were on camera, not because it actually was one.
“Would you still give me one? Even if it’s a joke?”
“Where?”
Where? Matthew wants to laugh again, but blocks it from coming out. Instead he smiles.
“Mouth.”
As on cue, Gunwook pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, biting on it slightly before letting it pop back out. Matthew may have an obvious obsession with them. He thinks back to all of the times he’s pressed his fingers against them ‘jokingly’. Gunwook always lets him because it’s Matthew.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” Gunwook admits after a few moments of silence. Matthew’s heart beats wildly in his chest at the confession. It’s wrong. Gunwook’s first kiss should be special. He should turn away, tell him he’s joking, have them forget about the whole thing. Maybe go reflect on himself in a corner for a few hours.
“Am I special enough to be your first?” The sentence breaks out of his mouth before he can stop it, not like the barrier was hard to get through. He wants it, in a way he never has before.
“Yes,” Gunwook says immediately, reaching for the hand hanging by Matthew’s side and pulling him closer. Matthew takes the chance to fall into his lap, a thigh on each side of his hips, the back of them pressed against the front of Gunwook’s. He momentarily wishes that he didn’t have jeans on. To feel his skin against his in the way he’s been longing for.
The space between them grows smaller. Gunwook looks up at him with wide eyes, almost like he’s waiting to be told what to do next. It makes him feel giddy with joy.
Hanbin’s words are creeping down his spine as he moves to wrap his arms around Gunwook’s neck. He’s too far gone, nothing can stop him when he’s this close to getting what he wants. Hanbin doesn’t have to know. Nobody does.
What matters right now is Gunwook and Matthew. Matthew who is about to willingly give Gunwook his first kiss.
Matthew moves to peck his lips swiftly. First kiss embarrassment initiation. It’s over before it starts and he can’t help the giggle that comes out when he sees Gunwook’s dazed expression after pulling back.
Gunwook’s hands resting above his waist push him forward seconds after. He says nothing, rendered silent as he blushes more as each second passes. His body language says what he can’t. Matthew knows, and he wants to coo at him for being so adorable.
“Will you let Hyung be your second?”
Gunwook lifts his chin up as if that’s his response and presses his lips against Matthew’s this time. What Gunwook lacks in inexperience gets devoured by determination. Matthew can’t help but eat it all up—the idea of someone trying so hard just for him. All for him. He can’t get enough of it.
The slide of their tongues gets a sound of Gunwook that makes Matthew grin against his mouth. He brings a hand up to hold Gunwook’s jaw still, mouth going slack against his as he controls the kiss the way he likes it. He gets off on the way he knows Gunwook is overwhelmed by it all, breathing heavily every chance he gets when they part.
His button up is falling off his shoulders before he realizes Gunwook is unsnapping the buttons to it.
“You always wear these tank tops,” Gunwook states when it’s finally off and revealing the thin white shirt he has underneath. It’s pretty cold outside but Matthew is too hot natured to bundle up.
Matthew grabs Gunwook’s wrists and makes Gunwook’s hands drag up to rest underneath his chest. “Yeah? Tell me it drives you crazy.”
“It does drive me crazy,” Gunwook says mindlessly. His thumbs brushing over Matthew’s pebbled up nipples through his shirt. It makes the heat in his stomach turn so deliciously, he fights the urge to squirm.
Matthew leans forward to nuzzle his face into the side of Gunwook’s neck, humming at the feeling of his hands running across his torso. He smells like cologne that has a woody scent.
“Tell me you think about me the way I think about you,” Matthew says quietly, only for them to hear, before leaving a kiss near his jaw. Gunwook trails his hands up both of his arms and squeezes the muscles shamelessly, like he’s been granted an all you can touch free pass for a limited time.
“I do,” he responds, letting go of his arms and instead willing him closer by his neck.
The third kiss is indecent, burning with desire and want. Gunwook adapts quickly, like he does with everything, dipping his tongue into Matthew’s mouth just the way he likes it. Gunwook kisses him like he’s been preparing for this exact moment his entire life. It makes Matthew feel special.
“Hyung loves you because there’s so much of you,” Matthew whispers against his mouth. Touching him like this is a privilege—a pleasure—not something everyone gets to do. His hands move across the expanse of Gunwook’s back and up to his shoulders. Matthew suddenly thinks of all the times he’s put himself down because of his appearance and nearly frowns. “You should be proud. Hyungie thinks you’re perfect.”
He’s not lying, there’s a lot of Gunwook. He knows how Gunwook has to get an XL in most things just because of how broad his shoulders are. He resists the urge to reach behind him and pop out the tag on his hoodie to check the size. He’ll save that for another time he supposes.
Matthew likes how all of that ultimately means nothing. Gunwook will make himself small enough to cradle into Matthew’s lap. Matthew will pick him up if he asks for it.
He indirectly claimed Gunwook as his. Gunwook is undoubtedly only his.
“Say you’re only for Hyung.” He knows he’s just making Gunwook embarrassed now, making him say the words he wants to hear for confirmation that he doesn’t even really need. It just feels good to hear them.
Gunwook dips his fingers underneath Matthew’s tank top in a way that makes his gut throb with want.
“I’m only for you.”
Matthew smiles so hard his cheeks hurt. He wishes it could happen right now. Wishes that they were in a bed and Matthew could press him down into it. Gunwook would let him climb over him and have his way with him—break him apart just because it’s Matthew.
“My baby,” Matthew whispers, leaving a kiss on his cheek and then another at the corner of his mouth.
A knock on the door is what kills their moment. Matthew tries not to let the disappointment show on his face while Gunwook fails to. It’s cute enough to make Matthew no longer that upset about it.
Instead he leaves the room with the satisfaction of knowing that because it’s him, Gunwook is his.