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everything around him is making sae's head hurt. the sun glaring down on him, the loud conversation his teammates are making. the bright screen of his phone. the words displayed on it .
"FAMOUS MODEL (LAST NAME) (NAME) FINALLY BACK TO JAPAN AFTER A YEAR-LONG CONTRACT IN GERMANY"
there, below the headline, is a picture of you. you're taller now, and you look more graceful than ever. the way that you hold yourself with more confidence is evident in your posture.
"still," he thinks. " your smile still does wonders to his heart, like it used to do three years ago, like it used to do even way before you had agreed to go on a date with him."
then another thought made him frown, made him glare at nothing in particular, made him grit his teeth to the extent where he can hear them gnashing.
"have you found someone who can make you smile the way he used to be able to?"
sae knows it's been a while since he's talked to you, or seen you, but your effect on him remains. clammy hands, quickened breaths, frantic beating of his heart. ah , don't forget the fluttering feeling on his stomach. it's ridiculous, really. he's the one who ended things with you, the one who decided that he didn't want distractions while pursuing his football career.
you had been understanding then, but he wasn't really the kindest when he broke up with you. he had said some harsh words and made remarks he knows hit close to home, and yet you still spoke quietly, soft smile evident on your voice over the phone as you tell him that it's fine, that you get it, and that you will always support him no matter what.
he called you foolish one last time before ending the call, afraid that if he stayed on the phone with you longer, he'd take his words back and stay in a relationship with you.
and now, three years after the break up, and both of you relish on your individual success. him, as real madrid's midfielder, and you, as a model. sae wonders if you've moved on, or if you're too focused on your career to even consider dating. he sure didn't, not with his busy schedule, and surely not after you.
he only snapped out of his train of thoughts when their team captain, called out to him to resume their practice. he wiped his sweat and put his phone back on his bag before jogging his way back where the rest of his team was, discussing strategies for future games.
_
sae remembers the place he asked you out on very well. heck, he even remembers the date and time it happened. it was right after his practice, when you waited for him to finish his own personal training until it was already 7:45 in the night. he was walking you home, the silence between the two of you comfortable as you both savour the evening breeze. something about the way you look illuminated by the moon made him spit his feelings out impulsively, something he immediately regretted, thinking it would ruin what you already have.
it took you awhile to process his words, but when you did, you beamed so brightly one would've thought it was your shine that the moon was reflecting and not the sun's. everything went on a blur that the next thing he knew, you've already planted a kiss on the tip of his lips.
sae watched the press conference happening on the event hall of the same hotel he was interviewed at. he had gone back to japan to renew his passport, fully intending to return to spain after doing so. but this… blue lock project seemed interesting– ridiculous, but interesting. he barely heard his manager reminding him of his flight to spain.
"cancel it," he tells him. his manager sputtered, shock by his spontaneous decision.
"cancel it." he repeats, his manager finally taking the hint and fiddling with his tablet, canceling the flight.
he's going to play with those blue lock guys, no matter what.
sae ignores the voice on the back of his head that's telling him that blue lock is not the only reason he wants to extend his stay.
_
sae didn't expect to see you on the streets of japan alone. paparazzis surround you and cameras trail your every move. even with a lousy disguise consisting of a jacket, a cap, and shades, you're still recognizable. the paparazzis were so loud that he's surprised he heard you over their non-stop questions.
"sorry, excuse me." you smiled sheepishly at them as you tried to make your way past them.
still, they persisted, and sae notices you chewing on your bottom lip, a dead giveaway of your discomfort. he made an impulsive decision, something he could only do with some things that involve you.
sae calls out your name across the street and waves you over. he sees you look over to his direction, perking up at the sight of him before you waved back. that stunned the paparazzis enough so that you can get past them and get to his side.
sae glared at the paparazzis when they tried to follow you, effectively making them scatter and run away. he turned back to you, taking in your slightly disheveled state.
"are you alright?" he tilted his head, asking you with that monotone voice of his.
his breath hitched when you smiled softly at him and nodded.
"yeah," you breathed out. "thank you."
god, you've uttered only three words to him and he already wants to pull you closer, to wrap his arms around you as he breathes in your scent, feel your heartbeat fall into sync with his, and kiss you breathless like he used to. but he can't, even if he wants to, he won't.
he opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted by a call of your name.
"hey!"
a guy, probably around both of your ages, ran towards you. sae was ready to shield you with his body, but you called out the boy's name in what seems to be relief.
"rei," you laughed, jogging lightly towards the newcomer. "where were you?"
the guy, who he now knows as rei, just huffed and clutched both of your shoulders as he panted. he looked you up and down, seemingly checking for injury. sae frowned, not liking the close proximity that you and this stranger has.
"you're asking where i've been? you're the one who didn't stay in the car like i told you. i've been looking all over the place for you." rei continued to fuss over you.
you laughed, playfully swatting his hands away.
"oh, come on. i wasn't gone for long. 'sides, i get to run into an old friend of mine again." you gestured to sae behind you.
rei looks over your shoulder and meets his eyes, and sae smirks on the shudder that went through the guy's body when he glared at him. rei turned his attention back to you, not even bothering to greet him and opting to fiddle with his phone instead, checking the time.
"we have two hours before our next shoot, we better go ahead if we want to make it there just in time to get us dolled up and ready."
you rolled your eyes, though there's still a hint of smile on your lips.
"yeah, just let me say goodbye to my friend."
rei only nodded before turning his back and walking to the direction where sae presumed he parked the car.
you finally turned your attention back to sae, looking at him in a way that makes him want to melt.
"it's nice seeing you again, sae. let's catch up later?" your words were uttered softly, as if it hasn't been a while since you last talked to each other.
sae could feel his previous irritation with rei dissipate as he nodded to your words, fondness seeping into his voice.
"yeah, let's."
and when you walk away from him, he doesn't hold back the smile that made its way out of his lips.
_
it wasn't until two weeks after that that sae sees you again. you're at a café, together with that guy once more. "rei," his mind needlessly reminds him. he wanted to retort, but he didn't want to seem crazy for talking to that little voice on his head, and so he ignores it.
he doesn't approach you, not when you seemed so caught up with talking to that guy. "rei," his mind reminds him once more. he resisted the urge to groan out loud and slam his head on the table.
his eyes didn't stray away from your form. he takes in the way you laugh, the way your eyes crinkle with mirth and you lips move to form words. your companion sports the same look of glee, seemingly taken by your presence. he recognizes the way rei looks at you.
"of course, you do," his eye twitched at the annoying little voice on his head. "that was how you looked at them before, and even until now."
he watched the both of you longer, observing the way that rei nodded at your words, smiling. he watched as you waved your hands around while talking — a habit you've always had — clearly engrossed by whatever your topic is.
sae swallows the lump on his throat and turns his attention back on his food, not longer having the appetite to finish it. he doesn't look back at you, afraid that if he watches you for any longer, he'll see that you're looking at rei the same way you used to do with him.
_
sae paces around his room. his laptop is open, displaying the ticket selling website for the blue lock vs. u-20 game. he paces and paces, before finally stopping and plopping down into his bed. his thoughts are running amok and his hands are sweaty. chants of "you can do it" filled his head, repeating it over and over again like a mantra. he tells himself that it's fine, that he's inviting you just as an acquaintance, because he'll be pushing his luck if he calls himself your friend, not anything more.
he ignores the voice on the back of his head that tells him that being friends with you is not enough. that he wants you back.
he glossed over his mental checklist. buy a ticket? he's already done that. all there is left to do is to send it to you and invite you to watch the game. easy, right? besides, you had already made it clear that you wanted to catch up with him. unless…you didn't really mean it?
he quickly shook the thought out of his head. you're not like that, you always mean the things you tell him. after an hour of self-assurance – it was five minutes, but hey, it felt like an hour to him – he finally gathered the courage to send you the ticket. he doesn't bother to write a small message, knowing that you'll take the hint and hopes you'll attend the game.
"pray," his mind tells him. "pray that they're not busy that day. pray that they don't decide to hang with that guy you saw them with instead."
and he does.
_
he's pretty sure everyone in the stadium has already noticed him glancing around the audience every now and then by now. and even if they didn't, his temporary teammates sure did.
"looking for someone, loverboy?" that bug, shidou, asked him, an annoying smirk present on his annoying face.
sae merely rolled his eyes, ignoring shidou's teasing.
"focus on the game, idiot."
shidou only laughed. "how am i supposed to do that when you yourself looked distracted?"
he rolled his eyes at this, annoyance seeping on his tone.
"shut up."
as the game stretches on, sae began to lose hope that's you'll actually show. with every glance he throws at the crowd, the more his disappointment grows. he's comb his gaze through the whole crowd for three times now, and he's yet to find you.
the moment that blue lock eleven made that last goal was the moment he lost hope.
_
it wasn't until he was already resting at his hotel a day later that you reached out to him. it was a brief phone call, one where it was obvious that you were busy but found a sliver of time to spare for him. "you're probably on a shoot right now," he thinks. his heart swooned with just the thought that you called him the moment you got the chance to.
"hi." your voice crackled through the phone.
"hey." he softly greeted.
"uhm…" there was hesitation in your voice, and he could almost see you chewing on your inner cheek as you think of what to say next. he smiled at the image conjured by his mind and your voice crackled through the speaker of the phone once more.
"i'm sorry i was unable to attend your game. i feel bad, since you even personally sent me a ticket, but i had an appointment that day that i just couldn't cancel."
sae's quick to reassure you, he always has been. "it's fine. i'd hate for you to see me lose anyways –"
"still," you cut him off, "it would've been great to support you in person."
his heart fluttered at your words and he was almost inclined to hate you for making him feel that way even if years had already passed. but if there is one thing that itoshi sae is incapable of doing, it is hating you.
"it's okay," he reassured you once more, "you've supported me enough, and," his tone rose, effcetively cutting you off before you could respond, as if already knowing that you'll try to argue, "don't argue about this with me anymore."
he smirked when you sighed instead of arguing back.
"alright," you surrendered, "i won't argue anymore."
sae was about to talk once more when a familiar, annoying voice called out to you.
"time's up, your highness." he could hear rei's voice over the phone, it was sarcastic, but it definitely doesn't hold any malice. "break time's over."
he heard you hesitate, and he could almost see your eyes pleading with rei until he heard rei sigh.
"fine." he heard rei give in. "two minutes, that's all you get." before his footsteps faded out in the background.
"i have to make this quick then." he heard you mutter.
"what are you –" you cut him off.
"listen, are you busy tonight? if not, then can we meet, at 8? i'll meet you at that new restaurant. you know, the one near the park? i really want to talk to you," you paused and took a deep breath, "without time limits this time." you finished with a softer voice.
sae blinked, unable to process your words quickly. it was your hesitant voice that snapped him out of his reverie.
"sae?"
"i'm completely free tonight."
"really?" the image of you beaming flashed on his mind. "great! i'll see you tonight then."
"yeah, see you…" and then the call ends.
and when somebody ever asks if sae pumped his fist in excitement, then he'd deny it with all his heart.
_
the saying that "time moves slower when you're waiting for it." is true, he guessed. he's been pacing his room for five minutes now, and it's only 7:30 in the evening. sae does not overthink, but he seems to have made an exception for you, as he always does.
"is it too early to go to the restaurant?"
"will they think it's weird that i got there early?"
"this is so stupid, i'm going."
he took his coat and left, leaving his anxious thoughts in his hotel room.
_
he didn't expect you to show up before he did. it was 7:45, and here you two are, staring at each other with awkward smiles on your faces.
"hi." you greeted, shuffling on your seat. "thank you for coming."
"you sound stiff." he teased, taking a seat across from you.
you rolled your eyes and smiled. "that's rich, coming from you."
sae smiled at how easy it is for you guys to fall back on your old banter.
"how are you?" he asked, propping his elbows on the table and leaning on them.
"fine, been busy ever since i got home. i'm just lucky because rei managed to convince my agency to give me a break." you laughed.
sae's eye twitched. there was that name again, rei . he doesn't know whether to feel jealous with how you seem to be so close with the guy, or be grateful because the same guy is the reason that you have a free time to meet up with him.
"that's nice." he settled on saying.
an awkward silence fell on the both of you, reminding sae that your relationship isn't what it used to be.
"would you like to order?" the silence was broken up with a waitress, an obvious practiced smile on their face, except for the fact that her gaze seemed to linger on you. the waitress' gaze stayed even after the both of you had said your orders.
"so…" you searched for something to say. "you must be wondering why i called you here?"
he nodded, letting you take charge of the conversation.
"i would be lying if i told you that i only wanted to catch up. i–" you cut yourself off, hesitating. "i want closure, sae."
sae had to swallow the lump on his throat. "closure?"
you nodded. "yes, sae. i know we didn't exactly end on good terms, but we were friends before we got together. i don't want there to be any –"
"i should be saying that." he interrupts.
"what?"
"i said," he looked down before meeting your eyes once more because you deserve to see his sincerity. "i should be the one saying that. i should be the one to initiate this conversation because i was the one who messed us up."
"sae, you didn't–"
"i mean, i shouldn't have said all those words back then, not when you were nothing but understanding. you didn't deserve that; you didn't deserve me. i'm just glad you have someone now–"
"i have a what?"
"someone who seemed to be treating you right–"
"sae." you slightly raised your voice, sighing when you finally got him to stop talking. "what are you talking about? what do you mean that i already have someone new?"
your conversation was cut off when your food arrived, but you ignored it in favor of clearing the misunderstanding.
sae furrowed his eyebrows, confused by your confusion. "that rei guy, is he…not your new boyfriend?"
that made you sputter. "wha– no!"
"what is he to you then?"
"rei's just a friend." you laughed. "he serves as my manager too. besides, that guy already has someone in mind."
sae's cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "that… that's great then."
"what?" there was a teasing lilt on your voice, and try as he may, he can't deny that it's something he missed. "you thought i've already moved on?"
now even the tip of his ears are red, and his nape feels hot; he was unable to answer. you were shocked, your eyes widened and you gasped before covering your mouth with your hand.
"no way."
"listen… i–i thought you wanted closure because you already have someone else."
you were quick to retort. "i only said that because i thought you don't love me anymore."
sae frowned, as if the thought of moving one from you offended him. "i don't think there could ever be a universe where i'll stop loving you. and even if there is, then it wouldn't be this one. i'm willing to try again if you are."
you nodded, all the while looking close to tears at his words, and he was tempted to lean across the table to gently shush you.
"thank you, sae."
"no, thank you. "
and when his manager asks him what happened for him to be so reluctant on leaving japan, then he will keep his mouth shut. only your promise of contacting each other when you have a chance prevents him from running out of the airport and into your arms.