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Date xx Year xxxx
The smell of corpses is so disgusting. I pulled out my bloody gloves by using my teeth, I threw them in the trash can. The maids will be cleaning. I felt quite lucky when I sensed their fearful stares whenever I walked past them.
Because I have the same appearance as my “dad”, literally. Prime named me Omega I; I do not know why, and simultaneously, it is not needed to know.
We share and connect to each other. I saw Buer, the blonde hair traveler, the silly white flying thing,.. everything. Prime is such a man who does not keep his words for so long; he said that in lieu of erasing all of his segment, he has already transferred the whole ownership to Lord Balladeer, while keeping the power of disposition to himself.
Yeah, theoretically, it makes sense. What Buer said was “erase your segments.”. He pretended to agree with her, then proud of himself because ‘we’ are under the ownership of Lord Balladeer, but he does not have the power of disposition and possession from Prime.
All Prime needed to do was disconnect us from The Balladeer, and then he successfully proved that he had kept his promise.
I think every‘self’ of us reflects an aspect of our ‘father’. Delta is completely a mad scientist; Alpha is a weirdo who loves to write down things; now I understand why he has never touched a single scalpel; the only job he does is note whenever a “Dottore” is doing an experiment; Beta always tries to steal a raw piece of meat from the corpse we put on the table, then eats it as if he has been starving for months; I guess he is the ‘raw meat lover’ aspect.
However, the only common ground between us is that we are passionate about The Balladeer. Perhaps it was the reason why, after the Artificial God project failed, ‘Dottore’ stooped to deception to bring back the puppet with him despite being hidden from Buer.
I heard some ‘Dottore’ gossip about how they see The Balladeer as their mother, not biologically. I also heard some unclear words such as ‘abuse’, ‘beat’, ‘cry’, ‘cute’...
Date xx Year xxxx
A segment has been erased. I think Prime did that himself; we do not have enough power to beat someone who has comparable power to Gods alone.
“Hurry up” -I was brought back to reality by Lord Balladeer’s voice. I quickly focused on continuing to treat his wound. I wrapped the gauze pad around his calf, and though I know he cannot die from being wounded like this, I was just doing my job.
I repositioned the splint on the bandage and stood up. I realized Lord Balladeer is quite short and small; I could see the top of his head when he sat on the table.
The light made the bruises on his cheek and neck more visible. Surprisingly, I have no memory of this. I bet it was Prime who disconnected us before he did those things to Lord Balladeer.
I raised my hand to see the wound, but he quickly crouched fearfully and timidly. He leaned back. I think his reaction is quite like that of a spicy stray cat, so pathetic and heartbreaking.
“What do you want..”
“Take a look at the bruises” - I answered him with a dull tone.
He still stared at my hand. I felt like something was not right.
“I won’t beat you up” - I added.
Then he eyed me up. I felt like I was being scanned and examined more than just with his usual stares.
“Which ‘Dottore’ are you?”
“I was named Omega I”
Then I heard his exhalation; I think it was his relief sign. He sat closer to me and let me undress his top.
I saw more than just one bruise. I went to the freezer and took out an ice pack. I pressed it on his left shoulder. Then I continued getting another box of cream and applied it on his bruised, scratched skin, which seems like he was choked. I could see him trembling due to the sudden, cold texture of the cream.
Date xx Year xxxx
Another segment has been erased. As last time, I do not have any memories about this; usually, I am able to see Prime’s view and memory.
I wonder why Prime erased that segment. As far as I know, creating a segment costs lots of time and requires rare (and expensive) resources.
I sat in the document storage and organized files and data from the previous subjects. In the corner, there were two segments; I assume they are nosy aspects of Prime. I heard them talking about how Zeta was cuddling and comforting Lord Balladeer, and the next day, none of us felt Zeta’s existence in our connection.
Date xx Year xxxx
I once again treated Lord Balladeer’s wound as he just got back from the Abyss. I think I saw his swollen eyes, which looked like he had just cried. I wonder why Lord Balladeer, who is usually crumpy, was crying like that.
“You may want to stop sobbing, I cannot inject the painkiller in the right spot if you keep moving”
“I don’t need.. painkiller” - He was speaking and.. hiccupped. I bet I have to wait for Lord Balladeer to stop crying, as I’m afraid Prime will erase me if his puppet is suffering from pain.
I decided to stem the bleeding and treat his bruises before I could inject him. I remembered seeing the fingernail scratches, bruises from violent choking, and bruises on his right arm. The amount is still the same as last time.
Date xx Year xxxx
I think I finally understood why Lord Balladeer had those wounds when I heard Delta prate on how he loves to see Lord Balladeer being miserable and sobbing. That segment has violent tendencies and is impulsive.
Unlike me, I am a grandmaster who loves to work in silence, communicate in silence, and express my feelings silently.
We are a hodgepodge that represents every aspect of the original version. We are ourselves, and at the same time, we are some kind of shortcoming and completely depend on Prime. I think, if ‘we’ cannot satisfy Lord Balladeer, Prime will kill us.
But if we love Lord Balladeer in the way that Prime always tries to avoid, we will also be killed eventually.
“Was that why you came to see me?”
I had a personal meeting with Her Majesty for that reason. I explained to her that erasing us just because of an action reflects an aspect that Prime always assumes– well, he thinks it is a weak, feeble side of his. ‘Zandik’ himself, I believe, is an insecure man. He is always afraid that, whether he expresses his true feelings, Lord Balladeer will scorn him.
He lacks confidence, overthinks, and is scared to be left alone. I feel something inside me saying that, if I can make Lord Balladeer believe he is a useless puppet without ‘Dottore’, he will never be able to leave ‘Dottore’ anymore.
He pays all his attention and puts all his love on Lord Balladeer, because the puppet is his whole world.
“The extreme feelings that cause us to want to keep Lord Balladeer to ourselves were not because we see him as our mother; it was all from you, wasn’t it? Prime"—I turned around to face Prime. I watched for the time when he had to submit a report to Her Majesty and spoke to her before he came.
Anyway, Her Majesty is the main sponsor of Prime, who provides him with all the resources to create us. I was disappointed and upset but I could not do anything for Prime to be less insecure about us. I do not want to fight someone who is as powerful as Gods.
“Il Dottore Prime”
I remembered he was scared.
“Do you know why I let Scaramouche come to you whenever he comes back from the Abyss?”
I recalled that when her Majesty asked that, he said no.
“I just let him do so because he looks happier when he’s with you”
It makes sense. Lord Balladeer could literally come to another expert for treatment. I remembered that sometimes he only slightly got hurt, but he still ran to the lab.
I remembered The Queen asked Prime many questions, yet I felt like he was being reprimanded.
“You know someone who got rejected by his own nation has nowhere else to go, right?”
“And what makes you think you can treat Scaramouche like that?”
“I keep the harbingers because what you all do benefits me, and what I do also benefits you all”
“If you’re the reason why Scaramouche tries to leave Fatui, the sixth position will be yours”
I think what she meant was a downgrade. What Lord Balladeer does benefits Her Majesty; I am sure she would be annoyed and irritated while searching for a new replacement.
Date xx Year xxxx
After being censured, I heard crashing, breaking sounds, and his screams from the room which I think is Dottore’s room; every harbinger has their own room like that. Additionally, I did not see Prime in person as much as before.
I think it was Prime facing his inner conflict. How pathetic. The original version, which was concluded to be perfect, is actually an insecure man and someone who loves to use trickery to keep his muse to himself.
Date xx Year xxxx
Morning. I was quite shocked when I saw ‘Dottore’ was sitting in the lab. The more shocking part was that he was burying his face in Lord Balladeer’s laps.
I looked at the puppet and asked about the reasons.
“I don’t know. Few days ago, I heard him breaking stuff in his room, but now.. hmm” - From his tone of voice, he sounded like he did not give a shit, yet I saw him patting Dottore's head.
Then I heard a sudden knocking sound.
The guards announced to me that the ingredients order had been delivered, due to the note ‘Only Lord Dottore is allowed to inspect this order’, so I went out to get that package.
I brought the box of serum back to the lab myself. On my way to the lab, I met Alpha leaning against the wall, smoking.
“Which order is thar?” - He asked, and I said it was the serum. I wondered why he told me about the time when Prime had a meeting for his reports with Her Majesty.
I asked him why.
“Tsk.. no matter how perfect that ‘Dottore’ is, he is still scared to ‘quit loving’ his puppet” - I saw his smirk - “If he is banished, or he will be revoked the right to use the facilities in the palace, and more importantly, or being banned from treating Lord Balladeer. He would definitely shake like a leaf”
He took a deep drag on the cigarette and blew out a stream of smoke.
“What a great situation to be censured” - He looked at me - “You may want to stop pretending; we all love to ‘love’ Lord Balladeer freely, am I right?”
Now I remember.
The Alpha version who is addicted to taking notes, is actually a human-faced devil.