Chapter Text
It was late at night when he came home, having come home from another undercover mission. He worked in counter terrorism; it was his job to keep his country safe and he did it proudly.
And despite the storm, he was still able to find a train going from Brussels to London. He wanted to surprise Johnny so he didn’t tell him that he was able to get home earlier than expected.
Now, as he stood outside his door, unlocking it with shaking hands, he was so glad to have taken the earlier train home. He just wanted to sleep in his own room, in his own house and see his lover. As he opened the door and was about to turn the light on, he heard feet on tile and a door slam shut that put him on edge. He flicked the light on, one hand going to his weapon.
“Johnny?” He called.
The place looked exactly like he had left it, almost like it wasn’t lived in. He walked forward to the couch, finding a pill bottle on the little table by the couch. He turned away from the living room, walked past the kitchen and the dining room to their bedroom, which was locked.
“Johnny?” He called gently, knocking on the door.
There was only silence. He knocked again and when it was met with silence, he unclipped his key chain from his pants and unlocked the door. This is the room Johnny had stayed in the most, more lived in, slightly messy. But there Johnny was, cleaning his mess as fast as he could.
The bed in the center of the room was unkept, clothes hanging from the dresser next to him, dirty clothes on the ground and trash everywhere on the floor.
“I don’t care about the mess Jon Jon. That can wait” He said gently, touching his shoulder and turning him around.
Thats when he saw the panic and unease in his partners face. Angus for the life of him didn’t understand where all this was coming from, but he was going to do his best to help his partner.
“Talk to me. What’s going on? And this time, I need the truth” Angus said, pushing him down onto the bed.
Johnny only whined and looked away, tears in his eyes, shame burning him at his core.
“I can’t” He whispered, blinking back tears.
“Does it have to do with the pills I found in the living room?” He asked.
Johnny only nodded, wiping away tears. Angus sat next to him on the bed, rubbing his back gently.
“What are they for?” He asked.
He swallowed, “you don’t wanna know. You won’t want to be with me when you do”. His voice cracked at the end and more tears came streaming down.
“I love you Johnny, there is nothing you can say or do that will make me hate you. Please. I just want to help”
“Little Suppressants. Thats what it is” Johnny said quietly.
Angus’ heart stopped and he just sat there staring for a second.
He nodded, inhaling deeply, “okay”, he said.
That took the man off guard, “okay? How can you be okay with this? I’m....freaky”
That broke Angus’ heart.
“My love,” he said, taking Johnny’s hand in his, “you are not freaky. I promise. You’re smart, very talented, funny. So funny you could go on stage and do stand up. You’re so amazing, in so many ways. Freaky is the last thing you are. I promise”
Johnny smiled sadly at his lover, tears filling his eyes again and he nodded, almost believing those things about himself.
“You want me to stop, don’t you?” Johnny asked, squeezing his lovers' hand.
“I do”, he paused, looking down at their linked hands, “i’m not going to make you. But this is bad for you. Really bad. It will have detrimental effects on your health if you don’t. And Johnny, I don’t want to lose you. I...I love you” he says, his voice cracking at the end.
“Can I think about it?” He asks.
Angus nods, opening his arms, going in for a hug. Johnny accepts, hugging him tight.
“We’ll get through this together, okay? I promise” Angus says into Johnny’s shoulder.
Johnny pulls back and nods, “with you, I believe anything is possible”.