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“We do not have to do this if you are not yet ready to do so.”
“No. It’s better to get it over and done with than havin’ it hangin’ over me.”
Thrawn studied Eli, curious about his present state. Human familial structure and the obligations each member held within was completely unfamiliar to him. As was Eli’s present emotional condition. Thrawn had seen him angry, had seen him sad, had seen him depressed and anxious and frustrated - but the man presently frowning out the viewport as he piloted the shuttle was displaying a mix of all of those. His microexpressions changed with each surfacing emotion, but it was never for very long. The closer they got to Lysatra, the quicker the emotions shifted. From an academic point of view, it was fascinating; from an interpersonal one, it was sobering. Eli was clearly distressed, and Thrawn did not know what to do to ease his mind aside from being present.
Eli took a deep breath, then slowly released it as they entered high orbit to wait for clearance to land at the New Sirepta spaceport; from there they would take a speeder to Nyssa, and the Vanto homestead. Thrawn had initially failed to see the sense in taking such a long route when there was a perfectly serviceable landing platform at Vanto Shipping, only to realize moments later that it was Eli’s way of further delaying the task at hand. Not that Thrawn blamed him; Eli’s parents had been increasingly demanding, judgemental, and cruel to their child over the years, culminating with him being all but disowned and cast from the Vanto family.
That, at least, was something that Thrawn had understood.
What he did not understand was why in light of all of that, Eli still had decided to come back. He had said it was his duty, as the eldest son; while Thrawn certainly understood duty, he would have thought all of Eli’s obligations to be null when he was cast out. Another nuance of human culture that eluded him.
The shuttle landed and Eli powered it down. Now that they were planetside his roiling emotions were replaced with a sort of grim determination; Thrawn had seen the same look many times when he had proposed a plan in the field that Eli didn’t like but had resigned himself to. They walked out into the thick Lysatran heat, and for a moment, Thrawn regretted accepting Eli’s invitation to accompany him. It had been casually spoken, peppered with a number of ‘if you wants’ and ‘you don’t have tos’, but he had seen the hope, the need in Eli’s eyes that clearly countered his nonchalant tone. He didn’t want to have to go home alone, unsupported.
Thankful for the light attire they had changed into on the way, Thrawn took a long drink from the canteen pulled from his duffle while Eli took care of renting them a speeder bike. When he pulled up, Thrawn helped to secure their bags to the back of the vehicle, then wrapped the offered cloth around his nose and mouth to help keep the dust out of his lungs. He decided against goggles, opting instead for a pair of green sunshades that protected his eyes from both dust and the glare of the sun. Eli gave him a half smile when he saw them pulled out and put on; a far more muted response than the usual groan and laughter Thrawn had hoped to inspire, but it was something. He settled on the seat behind Eli, and they were off, whipping down the street and out into the empty places that lay between them and their destination.
-
The speeder slowed as they entered the outer edges of Nyssa city. Thrawn watched as, in the distance, a ship headed spaceward; one of the Vanto craft, no doubt. The business would not have stopped for more than a day, and it had already been over two weeks since the incident. As they traveled through the streets, Thrawn felt the familiar weight of stares falling on him from the locals. At least here they were motivated by curiosity, respect, and wonder more than fear and hate. It was interesting to see that the old tales of the Chiss were still told on Lysatra, though it did feel strange to once again be seen for merely what he was, rather than who he was. Eli was growing more and more tense as they drew closer and closer; Thrawn placed a steadying hand on his shoulder and felt Eli relax the slightest amount. He had the impression that was going to be the best way he could help Eli see this task through - by just being present, a reminder that he was not alone, that when the work was done he could go back to the life he had built for himself and need not lose himself in the life he had so many years before, nor the one that had been planned for him by his parents.
Eli brought the speeder to a stop in front of the Vanto house, took off his goggles, and pulled the cloth down from his face. They were both covered in dust - a shower and change of clothes was needed, though that would come in due time. For the moment, Thrawn remained silent; Eli was the one that had to take the lead on this.
For a few minutes, Eli simply sat on the speeder, not looking at the house or anywhere, really; he just gazed at the horizon, lost inside his own head. Finally, he stepped off the speeder and pulled out his comm, then walked some feet away to talk into it. Thrawn busied himself with unloading their bags, then with observing some lizard-birds taking a dustbath in the yard in an effort to avoid eavesdropping, though Eli’s voice drifted back to him on the hot breeze.
“Hey.. yeah, I’m here…. No, you don’t- No. No, I’m fine, I brought someone with to help…. No, you don’t…. …….. ……. Yes… Yes…. Yeah.………So? They don’t have much to say about anythin’ anymore, do they?...... No, you’re right, I’m sorry, I just-.. Yeah…. Yeah….. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after. Depends on how much we get sorted….. Yeah, I know. And I do appreciate it….. What?.... Oh. Oh, no, that's fine. I pretty well expected that, and it’s not like I can run the place even if I wanted to….. No…. Nah, maybe once, but not anymore. I don’t think I could go back to freighters when I’ve gotten used to a Star Destroyer, you know? I’m glad that you guys have a handle on it. They would be happy it stayed in the family….. Yeah. Yeah, good. Okay. Seeya.”
Thrawn turned as Eli made his way back over to the speeder. Eli shouldered his bag, then looked at the house, the stoney expression back on his face. “Well. Better get it over with, I guess. The sooner we start, the sooner we’re done.” Thrawn lifted his own bag, noting that while his conversation on the comm had been in a relatively light tone, as soon as it was just the pair of them again he hadn’t bothered to keep up the facade. A sign of trust, and possibly even comfort in his presence.
Footsteps crunching on the rocky earth, they approached the house. Stepping up onto the shade of the porch, Eli reached for the front door - still keyed to his biometrics, hopefully - but paused midway, staring down at a potted cactus and swearing with a kind of vehemence that surprised Thrawn.
“Eli? What is the matter?” He could see nothing particularly amiss with the plant; it was large and healthy, outer skin smooth with several brightly-colored flowers blooming from it. Two golden insects the size of the pad of his thumb, with fuzzy black, yellow, and white striped abdomens and clear wings crawled around one of the flowers.
“The bees,” Eli said, glowering down at the tiny creatures.
Thrawn did not understand, and frowned. “Are they dangerous?”
“No, these don’t even have stingers. They’re harmless. It’s what they represent that pisses me off.” Eli dropped his bag and walked over to a long bench hanging from the underside of the porch roof by chains, flopping down onto it hard enough that the wood ceiling creaked. The bench slowly swung as Thrawn gingerly sat down next to him, and kept the motion going with his foot. He remembered reading somewhere that it was common for most young humanoids to be rocked in times of distress, and he had found that doing so seemed to ease the psyche of adult humans as well. Indeed, Eli’s anger appeared to burn away after a minute or two, and he leaned forward holding his head in his hands.
“They say - people on Lysatra, I mean - say that if you work hard and live well, if you share what you have with the family and treat everyone with kindness and respect, then when you die you get to come back as a bee, free of the cares of the world and experiencing nothing but the freedom of the breeze and the taste of sweetness.”
Thrawn nodded - he had noticed the bee motif in Lysatran art, though hadn’t quite understood the reasoning for its presence. He had assumed it was just a representation of the values of the Lysatran people, not that it had a deeper, spiritual meaning.
“Tell me,” Eli continued, turning to look at Thrawn with a sharp expression, every angle and line in his face drawn into stark contrast, “did they treat me with kindness, when I told them I didn’t want to come back here and take over the shipping company? Did they treat me with respect, when they found out that I preferred your company, our life, to the one they wanted to keep me in?” His eyes rimmed with angry tears, and Eli swore again, this time softer, his voice filled with years of hurt. “Fuck it. I was all but dead to them. I’m going to crate their stuff up and the rest of the family can do what they want with it. They can keep the house or sell it or burn it down for all I care. I don’t ever want to come back here again.”
He rose from the swinging bench and walked to the door again, anger fueling his determination. The lock disengaged as he put his hand on the knob. Eli paused, glaring down at the bees once more. “Fuck you both,” he spat, then vanished into the house. Thrawn heard the cooling system turn on some moments later, then also stood.
Rather than entering the house after Eli, he remained on the porch, looking down at the bees. He held out his hand for one, then the other; when they were both resting in his palm, he pulled off his sunshades and brought them up to his face so he could better examine them. It was as Eli had said - they appeared to be defenseless; there were likely no predators for them to have to fight off. Small tongues darted out of the mouth-parts, looking for nectar on his flower-colored skin.
“You tolerate me better now that you are insects and not humans,” Thrawn remarked softly. He didn’t really believe that dead humans somehow transformed into bees - but it seemed that on some level, Eli did, or the cultural understanding of it colored his worldview enough that even if he didn’t believe it with his rational mind, he was still influenced by the idea.
From inside the house, he could hear the sound of Eli weeping, overwhelmed by conflicting emotions and motivations.
Thrawn watched the bees for a few moments more: their gleaming golden carapaces, their long, delicate wings, their large green-gold eyes. They really were stunningly constructed organisms, if one thought about it; each part was fine-tuned and exquisite, living works of art. Perhaps in light of that he should have felt some hesitation before closing his hand into a tight fist, but there was none. He felt the crunch of their exoskeletons and the sickening squish of their insides as they were crushed against his skin.
He did not believe those insects had been Eli’s parents, but on the off chance that they were… well. Eli was right. They didn’t deserve such a easy, pleasant existence. He flicked his hand, sending the broken bodies into the dirt, then wiped his palm on the dust-rag still hanging around his neck. Once it was clean, he stepped inside the house, ready and willing to give Eli the support that his blood family never had.