Chapter Text
It had only taken one week of Gerard's new job at Non Descript American Supermarket before he realised that he was the best bagger ever. Like, a customer could come with their groceries to his checkout and they'd all have been scanned and bagged before the customer had gotten out their money.
Gerard was extremely proud of himself, because even the supermarket's manager had noticed, and he'd given Gerard a badge that read 'No.1 cashier'. It was red and shiny and he was enough of a nerd to polish it everyday so that it shone in the overhead lights. His co-workers Brendon and Patrick rolled their eyes each time Gerard strutted in in the morning, his badge shining brightly on his uniform.
Gerard, being the art nerd he was, frequently compared bagging customer's shopping to an art form. Brendon was very vocal about how sick he was of hearing about this, but Patrick, being the cinnamon roll he was, didn't have the heart to tell him. Sometimes he'd have to spend his entire shift listening to Gerard earnestly rant at him about the art of bagging shopping. Patrick was actually a little concerned for Gerard's future, because from the sound of things he was expecting to be selected for some sort of non existent bagging competition. The poor guy did try to talk some sense into Gerard, but he clearly wasn't getting through to him as the very next day he came in discussing his career options into the 'cashier world'.
He thought that his new found talent might be able to be put to use, and went to the manager about maybe opening a comics section of the store, like, Gerard was deprived as it was having to go to a job, the least he could have was a comic or something to read every morning. His manager had actually considered submitting the idea to the head of store before he realised that Gerard's idea was purely self centred, and his title of 'No.1 cashier' might not stick around for much longer if he had access to comics.
~~~~
It was a Monday morning at Non Descript American Supermarket, and Gerard was cursing himself for picking the 8am shift this week, because that meant waking up at 7am which he was totally not prepared for at all. Not only did it mean the worst morning known to man, but it meant watching Ryan and Brendon 'secretly' make out in the doorway of the employee break room. On frequent occasions Brendon had told Gerard that he had an 'anonymous boyfriend', narrowing his eyes and looking shiftily around like he expected some sort of heterosexual police to jump out and arrest him for crimes against society. Honestly, Gerard didn't know who Brendon was kidding. Everybody knew that Brendon and Ryan were at least fucking, and he was pretty sure that some of the high school girls that worked stacking shelves had a fan club for them. There was one time when he'd walked into the back room to find the lights dimmed low, an almost certainly illegal fire lit in the centre of the room whilst they chanted something that sounded like 'Ryden' over and over again. That was certainly a memory Gerard wanted to forget.
The thing was, Gerard was maybe just a tiny bit jealous of Brendon and Ryan, because, although he'd never admit it, he'd never had a boyfriend. He wasn't sure if it was his general inability to speak coherently to people, or maybe his slight over enthusiasm for bagging stranger's groceries but there had literally never been a single person in Gerard's life that wanted anything more than to be friends with him.
He wrinkled his nose slightly as Ryan and Brendon's make out session got more heated. God, this was a public area, and some people didn't want to be reminded of their failing love life.
"Guys, you know that everyone can see you, right?" Gerard called out, having finally had enough. They pulled apart, the blush obvious on both of their faces. Gerard watched with disbelief as Brendon looked around quickly before shoving Ryan into the break room and slamming the door shut, the thud against the door once it closed making it obvious what was going on inside. Gerard rolled his eyes, because he was pretty sure that Patrick was in there drinking his morning coffee. Sure enough, a second or two later he heard a horrified scream as the door was flung open and Patrick ran out with his hands over his eyes.
"My eyes! My poor, innocent eyes!" he screamed, running through the store to what Gerard presumed was the back room. He grinned as he realised what Patrick would find in there.
A cry of "Holy fucking smokes!" travelled across the store as Gerard heard Patrick open the door to the back room, and a few seconds later he saw Patrick running towards the checkouts where Gerard was standing, his mouth wide open.
"What's up, man? You look like you've seen a ghost," Gerard said with a grin, because he totally knew what Patrick had just seen and it was fucking hilarious. Deep inside, he felt a little sorry for him, because nobody deserved to see a group of crazy teenage girls chanting around a fire, and this was Patrick, who Gerard was pretty sure had never committed a bad deed in his life.
"Fucking girls man, what the heck? Chanting Ryan and Brendon's ship name around a fire. How do they even have a fire? That's got to be against regulations, what the fuck-"
He was cut off as Gerard started hysterically laughing, unable to keep it in any longer.
"Your face, oh my god!", he said in between laughs, and Patrick's face quickly turned from utterly terrified to indignation as he realised Gerard knew exactly what was in the back room.
"One more word and I'll find a way to sabotage your bagging abilities forever, you asshole! I'm gonna be scarred forever!" Patrick said, picking up one of the cheap biro pens the store sold for charity and pointing it at Gerard threateningly. Gerard didn't really want to experience death by biro, so he calmed himself down, managing to control himself to a level of coherent speech.
It was at this moment that Brendon decided to emerge from the break room. His clothes were slightly ruffled, and for whatever reason he wasn't wearing any shoes. He ran across the slippy floor and slid towards Gerard and Patrick in what Gerard guessed was intended to be some form of smooth. However, he failed miserably, and a short "ow!" was heard from the man as he slid past Gerard's checkout and straight into the stacks of shopping baskets.
"Finished with Ryan yet?" Patrick asked, and damn, Gerard guessed that Patrick's morning hadn't been that great.
"What?" Brendon said, and the other two rolled their eyes when they realised that Brendon was seriously still denying his less than straight relationship with Ryan.
"Oh my god, I don't have time for this, I've got to set up my checkout," Patrick said, and began to mess about with the computer on his checkout to the left of Gerard's. "And by the way, Brendon, where the heck are your shoes?"
"Oh shit, I think I left them in the back room," and Brendon was already running/sliding to the back of the store. At the exact same time, Gerard and Patrick remembered exactly what was in the back room that was definitely not Brendon's shoes.
"No!" they shouted at the same time, but it was too late.
"Holy fucking shit!"
~~~~