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No matter how many lives Cal lives he can’t quite bring himself to stay away from Geoponics. He knows he could do something else, but... He doesn’t feel like himself without the comfort of dirt under his nails and animals around to tend to. Sometimes they’re the only things that help him keep a hold on himself. Flashes of old memories and lives past-lived threaten to drown him. Geoponics, at least, is consistent.
He pulls a few roots out of the ground, letting out a soft sigh at the sight of mold growing along the stems. The famine won’t be for another year or so but Cal’s heart still pangs each time he sees the food deplete. He doesn’t know if Aunt Flulu will survive this time. It usually depends on Sol going out with Dys to explore and find more food. Sol has spent most of this life holed up in engineering with Tangent.
Cal isn’t certain if Sol is in on the time loop as well. He thinks it’s likely, sometimes. Sol is the only person who seems to choose a different path every life, a different person to cling to. He’d never had the confidence to ask about it though. He doesn’t want to get marked as crazy.
He glances at his holopad to see how much time he has before lunch. His stomach is growling and he knows Aunt Seedent is making cotton candy today. He usually misses out on it though, because-
Because he has to go save Tammy.
Uncle Geranium lets out a startled shout as Cal drops the roots he’s holding. He runs out of the greenhouse in a dead sprint. How could I have forgotten? Guilt rises like bile in the back of his throat as he goes. He shouts out a hurried apology as he pushes past Marz to get to the Creche.
He remembers his first life more clearly than any of the others. Primarily, Cal remembers how empty he’d felt. How Tammy’s death and absence had haunted him up to his own demise. He’d felt like something was missing somehow. Like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and told him to keep going despite it. I can’t go through that again. I can’t lose her!
Sol startles from where they were sleeping on the couch of the main area. “Cal? Are you okay?”
“Where’s Tammy?”
“Tammy?” Rubbing their eyes Sol shrugs. “I think she said she was going to go clean the Creche before going to the kitchens to talk to Aunt Seedent. Why?”
He doesn’t have the time to explain. Leaving Sol to their confusion Cal runs down the hall, heart racing so hard he can hear it drumming in his ears.
Rounding the corner, Cal’s thundering heart leaps into his throat. Tammy is reaching out for the flickering holograph with innocent, unaware confusion. He moves without thinking, racing forward and pushing her out of the way. They slide along the floor and Cal can hear the thunderous crack of the holograph fritzing out behind them.
“Cal?” Tammy stares up from where she lays on the floor beneath him, pink eyes blown wide and teary. “Why- why did you do that?”
“I’m sorry,” he says, pushing himself back on his knees. His tongue feels heavy with double meaning. I’m sorry for pushing you. I’m sorry for forgetting. I’m sorry I almost didn’t get here in time. “Are you okay?”
Tammy nods, watching him warily as she sits up. “I’m okay. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” Cal says, helping Tammy to her feet and urging her to follow him out of the Creche. He’ll have a lot of explaining to do later but he doesn’t regret what he did, not even for a second. Not when Tammy is still living, breathing, talking here beside him. “You said Auntie Seedant was making something new, right?”
She bounces back quickly, the Creche forgotten as she begins pulling him to the kitchens. Cal lets her words wash over him, a newfound determination growing within. I’ll never forget again, Tammy. I swear it.