Chapter Text
Medic walked into the operating room, Heavy already laying down on the operating table, the familiar beeping of the heart monitor filling his ears. Medic grinned, excited to begin his newest experiment. This experiment was to see what would happen were he to swap the kidneys in a human’s body. Of course, the only mercenary, or likely person overall, willing to dedicate to such an experiment, was Heavy. Heavy had always allowed Medic to experiment as freely as he wished with little to no restriction, as he had always seen Medic as a man in whom he held trust. He would even go as far as to say that he trusted Medic with his life.
Medic certainly appreciated such trust from Heavy. It meant he could carry out his medical hypotheses, and in return, he trusted Heavy as well. Heavy looked over at Medic, who had walked up to the operating table, sorting out his medical equipment that he would need for such a procedure. It was simple, really. A bilateral radical nephrectomy, and two transplants. He knew exactly what he would have to do.
“So, what is surgery again?” Heavy asked. Medic smiled wide, his glee in such topics showing through.
“I will simply swap your kidneys.” Medic replied. “That is okay with you, ja? ”
“ Da, is fine with me, Doktor.” Heavy stated, a small smile playing across his lips. Medic sighed contentedly, almost dreamily. Heavy’s smile was always so comforting to see. Especially in instances like this, it felt like Heavy was encouraging him to further his experiments with each soft smile and each wide grin. It pleased Medic to see such a smile.
“I assume we will not need anaesthesia? Unless you want it this time around.” Medic inquired. Heavy shook his head.
“No, I will not need anaesthesia.” He said. “Just do what you must.” Medic nodded, before resting his hand atop Heavy’s own. He looked down past his glasses into Heavy’s eyes, as if his eyes were trained onto him, his face ever so slightly more serious now.
“I’m going to start the procedure now, okay Liebling ?” Medic reiterated, making sure that Heavy was prepared for the operation. Heavy nodded slightly.
“Go ahead.” He simply responded. Another grin broke across Medic’s face. First, he removed Heavy’s shirt, in order to get to the area he needed to reach. Medic then carefully picked up a #10 blade, and his brows furrowed in concentration. He carefully made an incision along the left side of Heavy’s abdomen, just below his ribcage, approximately 9.5 inches in length. Heavy sucked in a breath through his teeth, his eyes squeezing shut. Medic lifted the blade from Heavy’s skin, looking up to Heavy’s face in concern.
“Did that hurt?” Medic asked softly.
“It does not matter.” Heavy stated, shaking his head. “Carry on, Doktor.” He went to give another one of his encouraging smiles, but his lip twitched, making him look more upset than content. Medic wanted to protest, but he didn’t wish to argue against Heavy. However, despite that, he couldn't help but whisper an apology.
“ Es tut mir leid. ” Medic murmured under his breath, as Medic looked back down at Heavy’s abdomen. Now able to view Heavy’s left kidney, this part of the procedure was fairly simple from here. He made a precise cut with a scalpel, separating Heavy’s left kidney from the ureter. He then cut away the blood vessels. Unsurprisingly, blood began to spill from the severed arteries, however, a more heavy flow of blood occurred than usual. As Medic began to remove the kidney with his hands, he found that they quickly were stained in a fresh coat of Heavy’s blood. This was not an unusual occurrence, save for the amount of blood.
Medic gently lifted the kidney out from Heavy’s abdomen, setting it to the side. He looked up at Heavy’s face, to see that Heavy bore a pained expression on his face. Medic frowned, wishing not to hurt Heavy, but he pushed on. He now went to the other side of Heavy’s abdomen. Using his #10 blade once again, he made an incision of the same length and depth along the right side of Heavy’s abdomen. The same precise acts are carried out, the cutting of Heavy’s ureter and blood vessels, to free his right kidney from its constraints. Again, he ever so carefully took Heavy’s kidney into his hands, transporting it to the side table that Heavy’s other kidney rested on.
“It seems you are very experienced with this.” Heavy remarked, his voice sounding rough and less calm than usual during a procedure like this.
“I have done quite a few nephrectomies in my time.” Medic noted. “However, more practice never hurts, right?” He said with a smile, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little. Heavy returned the smile.
“Right.” He agreed, his voice a bit quieter now. He closed his eyes, holding his smile. Medic seemed relieved by this, and he now picked up Heavy’s right kidney. He looked into the left incision in Heavy’s abdomen. He tried to figure out how to position the right kidney in the left of the body, so that it could properly function.
Once he had decided how to position it, he began to slowly settle the right kidney into the left side of Heavy’s abdomen, picking up and steadily easing in a vascular surgical stapler, stapling together the blood vessels. Once the blood vessels had been stapled back together, he reached behind him and set down the vascular surgical stapler, picking up a joining medical laser to rejoin the kidney to Heavy’s ureter. Medic noticed that Heavy didn’t seem to react to a single movement or action, which Medic found odd and unusual, but he carried on. He proceeded to begin the same procedure for the other kidney, when a terrifying sound pierced his ears.
A flatline.
The high-pitched whine of the heart monitor inflicted a panic upon him. He dropped Heavy’s left kidney in shock, and he instinctively went to perform CPR, cardiopulmonary resuscitation. What had happened? What went wrong? Why didn’t Heavy say anything? Questions flooded his mind as he began to worriedly carry out the chest compressions. Heavy hadn’t bled that much, surely there was no way he had bled out, so exsanguination was out of the question. The only other conclusion that Medic could reach was that Heavy had gone into some form of cardiac arrest. But how? What had caused such a thing? Was it Medic’s fault, or was it bound to happen anyways?
Medic continued to make chest compressions, anxiously pressing down on Heavy’s lifeless body, when a realisation dawned on him. The respawn machine! Surely Heavy would respawn! Why was he wasting his time performing CPR? Certainly he wouldn’t have to. He could just go to the respawn machine and wait for Heavy to come back, right? Medic ceased the chest compressions, and he quickly bolted in the direction of the respawn room.
Once the respawn room doors came into sight , he slowed his pace, walking up to them and slumping to the floor against the wall with a sigh. This was his first ever failed experiment on Heavy, and the horror he had felt was indescribable. It was guilt, sadness, fear, everything poured into a melting pot and dumped onto him as it was boiling hot, burning him with panic. But now he had no need to feel that way. He sat and waited, quietly, patiently for Heavy to emerge from the respawn machine.
He felt like a call line had put him on hold. He sat in silence, feeling as though he had been waiting for years. Maybe Heavy was just taking a bit longer to re-emerge. Maybe Heavy was processing what happened on his own. Maybe he just needed a minute. But certainly he would want Medic to know he was okay, right? So what was he taking so long for? Medic had some intensifying morbid conclusions creeping up in the back of his mind, and he tried his damndest to ignore them. Heavy was perfectly fine. He had to be. The respawn machine always came in clutch, why would it fail now? Medic pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head atop his knees. He stared at the doors to the respawn machine, eyes sombre as he battled certain thoughts in his mind.
Was Heavy… Not respawning?
No, no, he had to respawn. He was going to, Medic was sure of it. But then again… Where was he? Medic’s lip trembled at the thought of Heavy not coming back. It was terrifying to imagine that Heavy could be dead, permanently this time, and have it be because of him. How would he ever move past such a thing? He would never, ever forgive himself if he had inadvertently killed Heavy. He would feel forever guilty. There was no way Heavy had died though, right? Medic certainly hoped so. But the longer he waited outside the respawn machine’s doors, and the longer that Heavy never re-emerged, the more scared he got. Eventually, he’d had enough of waiting. He needed to know what had happened. He needed to know if Heavy was okay.
He stood up quickly, a little too quickly, in fact. His sight blurred momentarily with a slight dizziness. Once his vision came back into focus, he felt his heart begin to beat faster, the anxiety of whether or not Heavy would be in the respawn room scaring him. He placed his hand on the door to the respawn room, hesitating slightly, unsure if he wanted to see what may be inside. However, his curiosity and paranoia forced him inside. He slowly pushed the door open, tentatively stepping inside the respawn room. Then, a horrid truth then verified itself to Medic. A truth he hoped he would never have to face.
The respawn machine was broken. Heavy was not there. This meant what Medic had feared most was true.
Heavy was dead.
Medic stood frozen, a chill coursing through every small fibre of muscle in his being. He refused to believe it. Heavy was… Dead? He had killed Heavy? He didn’t know what to do with himself at that moment. He felt the sting of tears welling up in his eyes.
“ Nein.. Nein… ” He mumbled under his breath, his voice cracking up with emotion as his breathing quickened. He felt as though he were about to cry. He clapped a hand over his mouth and wrenched his eyes shut, a single tear spilling over and rolling down his cheek. He turned around and opened his eyes once again, running out of the room. He couldn’t bear to face the reality of the broken machine any longer. He made his way back to the operating room, and he walked back inside, Heavy’s body still sitting on the now bloody operating table.
Medic by now held no reservation against his tears, letting them fall from his eyes as they came. Medic couldn’t help it upon the sight of Heavy’s lifeless, but content looking body. Heavy still had that small little smile that he had closed his eyes with, and he looked so undeniably peaceful and accepting of his death. Medic stood over the operating table, and he wrapped his arms around Heavy’s shoulders, holding his body close to Medic’s own. He cried out as he held Heavy, not caring one bit if someone heard him. If they thought he was weak for crying, they didn’t understand a single ounce of his agony and misery. How could someone not cry in a scenario like this?
His tears blurred his vision as he looked down at his now passed lover. Oh, what he would give in that moment to have never started this experiment. Why did he think that such a thing was a good idea? Look at what he had done. He’d gone and killed Heavy. His poor, precious Misha was gone. Killed by the man who loved him most. No matter how unintentional it may have been, how was Medic supposed to ever forgive himself?
“ Ich liebe dich so sehr, es tut mir so leid. ” Medic whispered to Heavy. Medic moved a blood-stained hand up to his teary eyes, wiping away some of the tears, smearing his tear-streaked cheeks with Heavy’s blood. It seems, as he wailed his agony out, that someone certainly had heard him. The door to the operating room opened, and a few small, quiet, and hesitant footsteps resonated throughout the room as Medic stopped his sobs short.
“Ludwig?” A voice called out. A familiar voice. Engineer. Medic whipped his head around to look at Engineer.
“Dell, he’s- he-” Medic stammered, unable to say the words aloud.
“What happened, bud?” Engineer asked, walking toward Medic with a small, comforting, and yet sad smile on his lips. Medic’s lip trembled, and he had to bite down on his lower lip to stop himself from spontaneously bursting into tears once again. “…Ludwig?”
“Yes, sorry, j-just…” Medic trailed off. He took a deep breath, trying to regulate his emotions. “Heavy is dead.” He stated blatantly, his voice shaking. Engineer’s eyes widened.
“What?” He mumbled. “But… He can’t be dead dead, can he? He’s gotta respawn.” Medic’s eyes trailed back down to Heavy’s peaceful face.
“The respawn machine… It.. It’s broken.” Medic explained. “Misha and I, we- We were doing an experiment a-and he just… Flatlined.” Medic couldn’t withhold his cries anymore, one hand over his eyes, the other around Heavy’s shoulders still. Medic then felt Engineer’s hand on his shoulder, a comforting touch.
“I-I… I don’t know what to say, Ludwig, but… I’m just so.. sorry.” Engineer said. Engineer had always been the comforting type, but it seemed that even he didn’t know how to deal with this. Medic sniffled, lowering his hand and looking over at Engineer.
“I feel sorry too.” Medic stated. “Not for myself. For Misha. Look at what I did!” He exclaimed, before breaking back out into weeping sobs again. Engineer looked discomforted as he gazed down at the lifeless body of Heavy. Engineer squeezed Medic’s shoulder reassuringly.
“Ya didn’t do it intentionally, I’m sure.” He said in a gently comforting tone.
“I didn’t! But I should have stopped. I wish he had told me to stop.” Medic continued between heaving breaths and anguished cries. “I’ll never have him back, and it’s all my fault!” He wailed. Engineer frowned, now grabbing Medic by both shoulders and looking straight into his eyes.
“Ludwig,” Engineer started. “Please don’t blame yerself for this. Ya couldn’t have known.” He affirmed, further attempting to comfort Medic. Medic’s eyes darted down to the ground beneath him, his mind split.
“If only I did know.” He muttered, before wrangling himself out of Engineer’s grasp. He looked into the sympathetic eyes of the Engineer, his own continuing to well up with tears. Tense and harsh silence filled the room, and Medic wanted nothing more than to get out of it. He took a painful moment to painstakingly turn his gaze towards his deceased lover. He pressed a gentle kiss to Heavy’s forehead, before taking the gruelling silence with him, walking out of the room without so much as a word.
“Wait!” Engineer called out, but Medic continued to walk. Even though he felt as though he wanted to turn back around, he couldn’t bear to face what had happened any further, at least for right now. He ignored Engineer and everything else around him. As if automatic, he walked from the medical wing, straight to the site where the mercenaries resided. At this site, everyone had their own trailer where they stayed. Medic silently walked towards his own, unlocking the door and lethargically pulling it open, walking inside.
Medic heaved a sigh as he closed the door, and promptly slumped down into one of the chairs seated at his table. He didn’t know what to do. He felt so completely and utterly empty .
Empty was truly the best word to describe the feeling he had. He felt like someone had a hand wrenched around his stomach, and his chest felt as though he were being pressed to death; rocks piled on top of him. His mind felt vacant except for one thing, that being Heavy.
Heavy was the only one who had truly understood him. The only one to truly trust him. Medic had longed for someone’s trust for so long, reaching desperately for someone’s care and understanding. Being a medical professional himself, that meant he could care for and understand other people. But that didn't necessarily mean that he could do the same for himself. If only he could.
If only, if only, if only he knew or did all these things that he never did. But it was a little late for that now, wasn’t it? It’s not as if Medic could go back in time and undo what he did do, or do what he didn’t do. He knew that he shouldn’t bother toiling over his own poor decisions and wallowing in his own sorrow. He had always thought that in the past when others seemed so deeply despaired as he did now. He would always think that it could be no big deal, surely nothing was so devastating that it would affect a human so deeply.
He was wrong.
Medic now knew himself how it felt to see someone you love lose their last bits of life and soul, and he finally understood. He felt as though he had utterly desecrated their love, considering that such a tragedy was by his own hands. He folded his arms over one another atop the table, resting his head on them, and once again feeling the familiar salty tears brim along the bottoms of his eyes. He tried to blink them away, blink away the feelings of which he could not repress, but of course it was of no use.
Spontaneously, once again, his sobs rang out, filling his dingy trailer with a cacophony of sorrow.
—
That day, although it had been only 4:30 in the afternoon, Medic had gone to bed, trying to escape from the reality of what he had done. Though, it felt as though even in his dreams, such a thing would haunt him. Yes, he had had a dream, and no, it was not one he wished to have.
It was like one of those daydreams he used to have when he had first fallen for the big Russian brute, when he was pining for the love and affection of his colleague, but at the end, all fell apart.
It had been him and Heavy, in a nearby park they were both well familiar with, simply sitting on a bench and watching as the sun set. They talked about anything and everything, cracking jokes and bonding over things they both shared a liking in. It was just like any other day they had spent together… When Heavy was still here.
However, as the sun set further in this dream, and the sky steadily darkened, they noticed not a single star in the sky, nor a moon. It was pitch black in the sky, the only light the dim flicker of the park lights.
“It is very dark out.” Heavy remarked. Medic nodded, looking around uneasily.
“That it is… I.. I think we should leave.” Medic suggested, and Heavy nodded in agreement. Medic stood up, and offered Heavy his hand to assist him in rising from the bench. Heavy smiled sweetly, caringly, as he gratefully took Medic’s small hand in his own calloused one.
“Спасибо, Медик.” Heavy said softly, standing up. However, as Heavy stood, Medic noticed a figure approaching him from behind. What he was too late to notice, however, was the knife this figure held.
In a split second, Medic heard the sound of something tearing into fabric and flesh, and Heavy’s mouth fell open, eyes widened. Blood began to spurt from his mouth, spraying on his face, shirt, and Medic. The figure, whoever it was, had stabbed Heavy in the back. Medic watched in horror, a petrified scream finding its way out from Medic’s throat.
“Misha!” Medic shouted, as Heavy’s attacker retracted the knife and plunged it back in, over, and over. Heavy collapsed, a look of agony and anguish written over his features.
“Ludwig…” He choked out as his voice faltered. The attacker finally took their knife back, standing still over Heavy’s body. They breathed erratically, a faint laugh leaking out. Medic cried out as he looked down at Heavy’s weakening body, before looking up at the attacker. Medic quickly became breathless upon seeing the face of who had murderously and mercilessly attacked Heavy.
Their face bore a wide, sadistic grin, and their eyes were wide, brimming with excitement and mirth. The thinly wired glasses that framed their eyes dripped with blood, and blood stained the rest of their face like an awful painting.
The face of the attacker was that of Medic’s own.
Medic awoke with a sharp gasp, jolting upright. He looked around frantically, eyes wide. Medic placed a hand on his chest as he unsuccessfully tried to steady his breathing. What a horrible nightmare.
Yet, it felt all too real. It’s almost like he could really feel Heavy’s hands once again, as though Heavy’s mellifluous laughter was really ringing throughout his ears. But with that came the price that Heavy’s murder felt as if it were real, too. He could feel the spurt of blood on his face, his scream was all too real and emotional, and the maddened sight of his double sent a terror through his body like no other. How was he meant to believe that it was all a figment of his imagination?
He could not recount the last time he had been so stricken with fear, guilt, and sadness so deeply. His mind was playing tricks and games with him, trying it’s damndest to make him believe that Heavy’s death was all his fault.
It was, wasn’t it? I mean, who had done the operation? Who had been the one to cut open Heavy’s stomach and remove his kidneys? Who had been the one to propose the idea in the first place? It was all Medic. This was all the fault of Medic, and there was nothing he would be able to do about it. All he could do was feel worse and worse about it by each passing moment.
Medic glanced over at the clock beside his bed. It read 10:24 A.M. Had he really slept that long? It hadn’t felt nearly as lengthy a rest as it must have actually been. Medic had felt as if he had closed his eyes for no more than 5 minutes. He knew it must be a byproduct of oversleeping. Sleeping for 18 hours is no better for your health than sleeping for 3. Of course, he knew that very well, being a medical professional himself. His eyes stung and he laid back down onto his bed, feeling as though he had none of the energy nor the willpower to get up.
Suddenly, a knock sounded at his trailer door, and a million thoughts flooded through his mind all at once. A fear filled his senses as he thought about who would be at the door. It must be one of the other mercenaries, right? In that case, Medic had to wonder… What would the other mercenaries think of him once they discovered what Medic had done?
Of course, Engineer already knew, but Medic had a feeling that some of the others may not be so forgiving or sympathetic. Hell, he couldn’t even convince himself that Engineer truly believed what he had said to him yesterday. How could Engineer seem so… understanding? Medic had killed someone ! A friend of theirs, at that. Would the other mercenaries… hate him? Oh, God, what was he to do? However, he was reigned back into reality before his thoughts could spiral by the sound of yet another knock. Medic groaned and pushed himself up, rising from his bed.
He could hardly even care to tidy himself up. He felt drained and far too horrible to make himself look refined. He was in a wrinkled white T-shirt and dark grey sweatpants, and his hair was tousled from the night’s sleep. He haphazardly reached around for his glasses on his nightstand, taking them in his hold and settling them atop the bridge of his nose, allowing him to see once again. Slowly, he trudged from his bed, through his trailer to the door. He turned the doorknob, tentatively opening the door, looking to who stood outside. The person who had knocked upon his door was Scout, who looked like he had not woken up much earlier himself. Scout held a plate of food in one hand, his arms crossed as he leaned against the side of Medic’s trailer. Scout perked up upon seeing Medic in the doorway.
“Mornin’, Doc!” He began, before doing a double take upon Medic’s dishevelled appearance. “Woah, Y’ain’t lookin’ so hot there, man.” He commented.
“ Guten Morgen , Scout.” Medic muttered. “What is it that you want?”
“Oh, Engie wanted me to bring ya this.” Scout responded, holding out the small plate of food to Medic. “Ya slept through breakfast.” Medic stared blankly at Scout for a moment, before reaching a hand out and taking the plate into his hand.
“Oh. I see. Danke .” Medic said.
“D’ya mind if I come and sit with ya for a bit?” Scout inquired. “Engie wanted me to make sure that y’were okay and all.” Medic was ever so slightly confused at Engineer’s seemingly disproportionate care for him, but nevertheless, he nodded in agreement.
“ Ja , that.. is fine.” He replied, before walking back inside his trailer lethargically. He grabbed a fork from a drawer and took a seat in the same chair at the same table which he had the previous day, after he had left Heavy and Engineer in the operating room. Medic set the plate of food down in front of himself, simply gazing down at it.
Scout followed in behind, looking around briefly before finding himself in the seat across Medic. There was a brief yet weightful silence, Scout appearing awkward and unable to think of something to say. Medic broke the silence for him.
“Why did Dell want you to come to me?” He asked quietly, now starting to slowly pick at his food, as if trying to convince himself to eat it. He lifted a small portion of it to his mouth, taking a bite as he looked over to Scout.
“Oh, well,” Scout began, seemingly trying to piece together a response he wasn’t fully sure of. “He said that he didn’t wanna bother ya, and thought that maybe it’d be better if someone besides himself went to get ya.” Medic raised an eyebrow, taking the time to swallow his food before relaying another inquiry.
“Why.. is that?” Medic questioned as he began to eat more of the food that he had been given.
“He said that somethin’ happened yesterday.” Scout simply responded.
“…Oh.” Medic mumbled. Medic looked down in guilt once again. Scout didn’t know what he had done yet, did he? Would he get angry at him if he discovered? He would have to eventually, and Medic feared his reaction. Medic suddenly felt queasy, a pang of nausea in his stomach. The food had briefly been a mediocre comfort, but now the thoughts of the day previous and the anxiety from all of it gave him a sense of biliousness. He bit his lower lip slightly, averting Scout’s gaze.
“Hey, Doc, is somethin’ goin’ on?” Scout queried. “You’re not actin’ like yourself.” He elaborated. Medic placed his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes, as if he could rub away the inevitable tears and emotions that he knew he could not stop, even if he wanted to. “…Doc?” Medic shook his head, lowering his hands from his face.
“I…” He trailed off, as if he were about to explain, but he couldn’t bring himself to choke out the words. Every syllable caught in his throat as soon as he tried to speak it. Before he could even register it, a sleek tear streamed down his cheek, followed by more, before he was silently crying. Scout’s eyes visibly widened in surprise, and Medic couldn’t bear to face Scout.
“Yo, what’s goin’ on? What’s got ya so wound up, man?” Scout continued to question, and Medic’s lip trembled slightly as he forced himself to catch his breath and speak.
“Have… You noticed Heavy’s absence..?” He asked Scout, and Scout slowly nodded.
“Yeah, I did. What’s up with that, anyways? D’ya got any idea?” Scout inquired. Medic took a shuddering breath as he was made to face reality once again.
“W-Well, he is… in the operation room.” Medic hesitated for a moment, forcing himself to look Scout in the eyes.
“…So?” Scout drawled, seemingly not picking up what Medic was attempting to subtly tell him. Medic could hardly fight his tears any longer, a lump forming in his throat as he tried to hold them back long enough to speak.
“H-Heavy is…” He paused for a long moment as his tears began to win the war he actively fought with them. “You know what? Follow me.” Medic said, standing up from his seat and exiting his trailer. Scout followed behind, confused.
“W-Wait, where are ya goin’?” Scout asked. Medic remained silent, continuing to trudge towards the operation room. “..Doc? Are ya even hearin’ me?” Still silent, Medic led Scout towards the RED team medical wing. He beelined for the operation room, and solemnly stood outside the doors.
“You really want to know?” Medic reiterated. Scout nodded.
“Yeah, I do.” He responded. “What’s goin’ on?” Medic motioned to the doors.
“Go inside. Look for yourself.” He stated. Scout looked at him for a moment with confusion written on his face, before tentatively stepping towards the doors to the operation room. He slowly placed a hand to the door, gently pushing it open, and Medic couldn’t bear to face the sight again. He waited in the weighted silence for Scout’s reaction. Then, the silence was punctuated by a gasp from Scout.
“What the hell..?” He mumbled. Medic swallowed thickly, trying to quell the anxious nausea he felt. “What… What the hell is this?” Scout continued, his voice further raised.
“Heavy is dead.” Medic declared, trying to swallow the resurgence of tears that he felt coming about.
“Dead?” Scout exclaimed. “What do ya mean dead? Surely he ain’t, well… dead !” Medic simply shook his head, unable to face Scout. “Doc, talk to me!”
“The respawn machine is broken.” Medic elaborated as the tears in his eyes began to break free and roll down his cheeks once again.
“So he’s really…” Scout trailed off, seemingly unable to say what they both knew was true. He was silent for a moment, now walking up to Medic’s side. “Do the other guys know about this?”
“Dell does.” Medic responded, unable to be poignant with his words as he tried his hardest to keep his tears to a minimum. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shaking shoulders. Scout’s hand. Medic looked over to Scout.
“Hey, man, I know this is gonna be hard for ya.” Scout remarked. “But the guys deserve to know, don’tcha think?” Medic thought about Scout’s words. Particularly how Scout was… at least somewhat kind. He’d always thought that Scout would be the type of person to tell him to just ‘get over it’. But here he was, seemingly being understanding. It surprised him. Medic nodded slightly.
“ J… Ja . You… are right.” Medic answered. “They.. They should know.” Scout offered a small smile, but Medic could see in Scout’s eyes that the gravity of what had happened hurt him. He could see a sadness in Scout’s eyes; a sadness he’d never really seen before. Medic was learning more about Scout’s emotional depth today than he ever expected to.
“Let’s go. We gotta tell ‘em.” Scout said. The two shared another brief moment of tense eye contact, the type of silent gaze you see in a movie during a heavy scene. “I’ll gather Pyro, Sniper, and Spy.”
“I will get the other three.” Medic continued, wiping his tears away with his hand. Scout patted his shoulder, before beginning to walk off.
“We’ll round ‘em up back here.” Scout stated, before walking off. Medic stood still for a moment, frozen in his tracks, simply… Thinking. Thinking about the interaction that he and Scout had just had. However, he knew that, like Scout had said, he had to reign in the other mercenaries instead of sitting around and pondering things further. Medic first found his way to Engineer’s engineering lab, believing that he would find Engineer located within the room.
He was proven correct in his assumption as he stepped up to the doorway, finding Engineer sat tinkering with a machine of his silently. His movements seemed less refined than usual, as if he were anxious. It seemed that Engineer had a sense that he was being watched, as he stopped for a moment, setting down the machine he was toying around with, before turning around in his seat to check behind him, catching sight of Medic in the doorway. Engineer smiled softly at Medic.
“Mornin’ Ludwig.” He greeted. “Did ya sleep well?” He inquired. Medic shook his head with a sigh.
“ Nein .” He said. Engineer looked hesitant to speak again, but he seemed to find his words eventually.
“Are ya… Feelin’ okay? After.. Yesterday?” Engineer asked cautiously, slowly. Medic now forced himself to look away from Engineer. He was silent for a moment, crossing his arms as he bit his lower lip. What was he meant to say? Yes, he was fine with having killed Heavy? Yes, he was okay after watching him die? No, he wasn’t okay at all. In fact, he was feeling worse by the minute. But he couldn’t bring himself to say such a thing to Engineer.
“Scout knows.” Medic suddenly proclaimed, referring to Heavy’s death. Engineer frowned ever so slightly.
“He didn’t interrogate ya or nothin’, did he?” Engineer questioned. “I hope he didn’t…”
“ Nein, nein .. I told him.” Medic clarified. Engineer seemed slightly relieved at this, but concern was still evident on his features. Engineer seemed lost on a response, so Medic closed up the interaction. “Just go wait at the operation room.” Medic then walked away from the door. No point in taking very long to gather someone who already knew. Next to round up was Soldier.
If I was a Soldier, where would I be? Medic almost smiled at the thought. If there was anything positive about this morning, it was that this journey to round up the mercenaries at least distracted him a little from the weight of Heavy’s death. Medic supposed to check the shooting range for Soldier first. Soldier liked to train, and quite a lot for that matter.
“ A day without training is a day wasted! ”, As Soldier would always say. Medic seemed to have a knack for knowing where his targets resided, as he spotted Soldier shooting at dilapidated targets around the shooting range, Soldier’s back turned to him. Soldier paused for a moment, before suddenly turning around and pointing his weapon at Medic.
“Is that a Spy?” Soldier exclaimed, a small grin on his face as Medic’s eyes widened. After a split moment, Soldier lowered his arms. “Right. Medic. Good morning, soldier!” Medic sighed.
“ Guten Tag , Soldier.” He mumbled. “I need you to wait outside the operation room.”
“Why? If you couldn’t tell, I’m a bit busy, maggot!” Soldier retorted, seemingly confused.
“Something has happened.” Medic explained while still making an attempt to be vague. Soldier seemed sceptical as he continued to stare at Medic. Or, at least, Medic assumed he was staring. He couldn’t quite tell when Soldier’s helmet was covering his eyes. He never understood how Soldier could see through that thing.
“Like what?” Soldier asked, sounding somewhat sarcastic yet also curious, and possibly alarmed. Medic wasn’t sure how to explain what has occurred without giving it away.
“It’s important,” Medic began. “But I must withhold what happened. I will explain later, just.. go. Bitte ?” Soldier seemed to stare for a second longer, before nodding.
“…Alright then.” He said, and he began to walk off in the direction of the operation room. Huh. Medic hadn’t really expected that to work. He somewhat expected to be stuck there asking Soldier to go for quite a bit longer than that. Ah, no matter, he would take the win where he could. Now, there was only one more person to gather; Demoman.
If he had to guess, Demoman would probably have just gone back off to his trailer. So, based off of that assumption, he made his way back to the trailer site. All along the way, he just couldn’t help but be burdened by thoughts of why this happened, and what could have caused this. What went wrong?
Eventually, he reached Demoman’s trailer, where he knocked on the door. He waited quietly for a few moments, when the door opened. Demoman stood inside, alcoholic drink in hand, no surprise there.
“Aye, what’s up lad?” Demoman queried, his words slurred ever so slightly, as he saw Medic at his door. Medic’s eyes once again fell onto the drink in Demoman’s hand.
“...Could I have a drink?” Medic suddenly asked. Demoman raised an eyebrow, before laughing slightly.
“S’that all ye came ‘ere for?” Demoman questioned with a grin. Medic shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he shifted his gaze to the ground beneath him.
“ Nein …” Medic replied. “But I could really use one right now.” He followed up. Demoman shrugged.
“I don’ see why not. I’ve got plenty, give me a second.” Demoman stated. He retreated back inside his trailer for a few moments, and during the time it took for Demoman to get Medic the drink he had requested, Medic couldn’t help but wonder where it had all gone wrong. Before his thoughts could spiral too far, however, he was snapped out of it by Demoman’s voice resonating through his ears. “‘Ere ye go lad.” He said to Medic, holding out a drink to Medic. Medic took it into his own hand, sighing heavily.
“ Danke .” He mumbled. “So… I came here to gather you. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d suggest you come with me.” Medic explained. Demoman looked curious as he began to step down and out of his trailer.
“Well, ye’ve got me intrigued lad.” Demoman remarked. “I’m not arguin’.” He closed the door of his trailer behind him, and Medic gestured with his free hand for Demoman to follow him. Demoman began to trail behind him towards the medical wing as Medic cracked open the beer that Demoman had given to him. Medic had heard that Demoman had some rather strong drinks of which he could not recall the names of under his belt. That would be good for distracting him from his guilt and helping him forget. “Aye, so what’s up?”
“Something has happened.” Medic simply repeated, unable to say anything else. He was still attempting to gather the guts to tell all of the mercenaries what had happened. He took a long swig of the beer Demoman had given him, and it tasted rather… sweet, with a slight bitter tinge to it. Medic didn’t drink alcohol all that often, but it was a great comfort when he really needed it.
“Oh, ye prob’ly don’t want ‘ta ‘ave too much at once.” Demoman noted, pointing to the drink in Medic’s hand. “Real strong stuff, yer prob’ly not used ‘ta it.”
“Oh.. I see.” Medic mumbled. He gazed down at the drink as they walked, Medic absentmindedly moving in step as if it were second nature. He wouldn’t follow Demoman’s advice, and he knew it. He would likely end up downing the whole thing and trying to drown his sorrow and tears in the momentary comfort of inebriation. Demoman and Medic made meagre small talk as Medic led the pair back to the medical wing, where they were met by the rest of the mercenaries crowded round the operation room. When Medic stepped in, all eyes turned to him. Holding the knowledge of what he was about to tell them, it was unsettling, the way all of their varying gazes seemed to peer directly into his soul, feeling as if there was a hole being burned through him. Another wave of nausea. He took another languid swig of the beer he’d acquired from Demoman, to which Demoman shook his head. Medic was sure that Demoman was internally criticising his poor alcohol control, but if he got wasted, he didn’t care. At least it was some sort of distraction.
“Ludwig,” Spy called, appearing to be unamused. “I would appreciate it if you could make this quick.” Medic nodded as he lowered the beer from his lips, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He sighed, crossing through the crowd of mercs until he’d weaved his way up to the doors of the operation room. He forced himself to swallow his worry, as he now finally at once addressed the men who waited so patiently for him to speak.
“Something has happened, as I’m sure you’re all aware by now.” Medic stated once more, his words slurred ever so slightly. He pressed a hand against the operating room’s doors. “...And it is not something that you are going to like, but it is grave, and it is real.” He was trying his best to be somewhat profound in a situation like this, making it clear that this was no joke.
“How grave are we talkin’ ‘ere, mate?” Sniper inquired tentatively, sounding almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer, raising a brow to Medic. Medic took a deep breath in, bracing himself for what he was about to have to confront the other mercenaries with. He slowly pushed open one of the doors to the operation room.
“You will see.” Medic replied simply in a remarkably grim tone. He walked in, motioning for the others to follow. Nobody – save for Scout and Engineer – had yet seen what was so grave about this entire situation. However, as the room began to fill, those who had still been blissfully unaware up to that point were quickly forced to grapple with something almost incomprehensible.
“Is he… Dead?” Demoman asked with some sense of uncertainty. It made sense why they would be confused – After all, they were supposed to be immortal in some odd sense due to the assistance of the respawn machine. Medic slowly turned to look back at Heavy, who was sickeningly pale, his abdomen now painted a deep crimson red by his blood. He bit his lower lip, pausing a moment, before nodding weakly.
“...Yes. Our respawn machine… It is broken. He passed away yesterday afternoon.” He informed them, to which reactions were given. Spy looked surprised, his eyes widened slightly and a hand over his mouth. Sniper appeared simply stunned, his mouth hung open slightly as he stared at Heavy’s lifeless body. Scout had to turn away. Demoman, Engineer, and Pyro looked on in a sombre silence. However, Soldier spoke up in the quiet.
“How?” He questioned simply and precisely, crossing his arms. Medic couldn’t see Soldier’s eyes, but he could almost feel them narrowing in his direction, giving him a scornful look. He didn’t want to have to yet again face how he’d caused this all, but it was better than nothing to be truthful, right? He sighed.
“We were… Conducting an experiment, as usual. However, I have reason to believe that during the surgery, he went into cardiac arrest.” Medic explained, his eyes shifting down to the white tile floor.
“So it’s your fault?” Soldier suddenly asked, and Medic felt his heart sink.
“Jane!” Engineer exclaimed, his tone sounding like a mother who was about to scold her child for saying something rude or inappropriate.
“What? Are we all just going to stand here and act like he didn’t just admit to it?” Soldier continued, stepping towards Medic. He moved right up beside him, and turned around once he got there to face the others who stood there. “He just told us himself, Heavy died in another one of his deranged experiments!” Medic’s eyes were solely on the floor, not looking anywhere else. His arms crossed close against his chest as he stood in an uptight position, trying to make himself small, feeling as if he wanted to vanish right here and now.
“Hey, it’s not like he meant ‘ta-” Engineer tried to defend Medic, but Soldier quickly shot his attempt down.
“How many times are we going to ignore this? He’s insane, and now he’s killed a teammate thanks to us letting it go unchecked!” Soldier ranted. Medic shifted his spectacles to settle upon the bridge of his nose, as he apprehensively looked up towards the faces of his friends. He couldn’t read their expressions. He couldn’t tell if they were feeling what Soldier was, or if they simply were too conflicted to care. “And as for you,” Soldier then said, turning to Medic. “You’re no better than you were in the war.” He gravely stated with a look of surprisingly well-managed anger on his features, which elicited a reaction of shock from Medic. Did Soldier really believe so? Did he really… Think he was that bad of a person? Medic watched as Soldier promptly stepped out of the room. A tense silence filled the room, before others began to follow in Soldier’s footsteps. Scout, Spy, Sniper, and Pyro walked out without another word, each one of them visibly trying to deal with this tough situation in their own ways. Demoman began to head for the door as well, but before he left, he turned around to give some parting words.
“I don't know, lad. Maybe he’s right.” He said simply, before shaking his head and leaving the room, mumbling something incomprehensible to himself under his breath. Medic could feel his stomach wringing and his chest tightening. He’d gone and ruined everything, just like that. Perhaps this would be how he would pay for his years of medical deviance and malpractice. By having everyone finally see him for who he was. The deranged surgeon.
The only ones left in the room were now Medic, Engineer, and the late Heavy. Engineer walked up and placed a comforting hand on Medic’s shoulder.
“I’m sure he doesn’t mean it. He’s just mad.” Engineer mused, trying to say something, anything to keep Medic from spiralling. “Don’t take it too personal, alright?”
“Mhm.” Medic simply hummed in response, his gaze floating over to Heavy. Engineer muttered a small ‘Alright’ , before making his own exit as well. As Medic heard the final shutting of the doors, he could hear nothing but what Soldier had said about him ringing in his head.
He was no better than an evil man, and all it ultimately came down to was one simple thing; It was his fault.