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Santana stared at the open laptop from her desk chair, and the cursor blinked back at her. She had been trying to compose her goodbye note for the better part of an hour, and she was no closer to saying anything close to what she wanted to say. When Mercedes had let it slip that Brittany would be leaving Guatemala City, the first thing she’d wanted to do was march down to 5th period Chem and demand an explanation. It was only the middle of the semester, and Brittany at least needed to make it to finals.
“What did she say?” Santana had whispered harshly, over Profesora Melendez’s tedious history lesson.
Mercedes shrugged. “I don’t know. My dad said that they’d started processing their moving stuff.”
“When?”
“The packing will take a couple of weeks, but they have tickets for leaving on Saturday morning.”
Santana had tried several more times to get even a sliver of information, but Mercedes claimed ignorance until Ms.Melendez threatened them both with detention. She’d resigned herself to not knowing and when Brittany had bounded over to her locker later that day, she’d done her best to be civil.
It was three interminable days of Brittany acting like her chipper self, and Santana trying to ignore the whirlpool of dread that swirled in her stomach. She’d gone through a couple of stages of grief, and finally came to the conclusion that Mercedes was wrong, and Brittany was going nowhere. She didn’t know if that was true, but if Brittany wouldn’t mention it, she wouldn’t either.
Then after dinner, her mother had dropped the other shoe.
“Santana, would you like to go with me to see off the Pierce’s tomorrow morning?”
The whirlpool became a tsunami, and she struggled to swallow over the lump in her throat.
“See them off? Mami, what do you mean?
“Oh, your friend didn’t tell you? I thought you and Brittany were close. It’s not usual for the Ambassador to see them off, but with Whitney’s mother being in such a bad way, it’s no surprise”
Her mother continued talking, but Santana couldn’t hear anything else. She’d wanted to scream. She’d wanted to cry. But she sat there while her mother spoke about GC traffic, and the newest problems she’d had with her driver. After the conversation, Santana had gone up to her room, and started and deleted a handful of text messages before opening a Google Doc, and trying to think of something to say.
Santana heard a noise from outside her window. She ignored it at first. There were all kinds of critters that skulked around the Ambassador’s compound at night. The guards usually ignored them unless they got into the trash and Santana had regaled Brittany a few different stories of times when she’d seen them go toe to toe with the local possum population.
The noise continued, and Santana began to worry that something more insidious was at work. She grabbed an umbrella and approached the window, a rustle in the bushes had her about to call for help, but a flash of blonde hair would have made her laugh if she wasn’t so put out.
She shoved open the window. “Brittany?! What are you doing out here?” She tried to keep her voice down. It was already past 8, and she didn’t want to wake up the whole house.
“I’m trying to be romantic, but it took you forever to come to the window.” She smiled devilishly. “Is it working?”
“How’d you get in here?” Santana ignored the question.
“Ramon let me in, as a favor. But he insisted on coming along.” She pointed to a push behind her. “Say hi, Ramon.”
The guard peeked out and waved to Santana as well. “Hola Santana.”
“Hola, Ramon.” She tried to keep her voice even. “Why are you here, Brittany?”
Santana felt a pang of guilt as a hurt expression flashed on Brittany’s face, but she hid it quickly, plastering a wooden smile on her face.
“I wanted to take you out. I borrowed Puck’s scooter, and I had some spots that I wanted to show you.”
Santana wanted to yell. She wanted to ask Brittany why she’d lied to her, why she’d failed to tell her this vital information, or even mentioned that her grandmother was sick. She wanted to ask a lot of things, but one look at Brittany told her all she needed to know. It was Brittany’s last night in Guatemala and she wanted to spend it with Santana.
“Okay, Britt.” She returned the smile as brightly as she could. “We can’t be out too late. My parents will kill me if I’m out past curfew.”
She was rewarded with the broad, happy grin that spread over Brittany’s features. It was light and beauty and everything she loved about Brittany.
“I’ll have you back in no time.”
Santana nodded. “Okay, I’ll be down in a sec.”
She waved to Brittany and Ramon, and closed her window, dashing down the stairs. She heard the television as she stepped carefully past the living room, and thought she was clear until her mother’s voice cut through a laugh track.
“Santana, be back before eleven o’clock. Do you hear me?”
“How did you-?” She started to ask.
“Santanita, do you think a single person makes it onto the compound without me knowing about it? I’m the one who told her to let her in.”
“Si, Mami, I’ll be back, I promise.”
“Good girl. And don’t forget to wear a helmet!” She called out as Santana closed the door behind her.
They were out of the compound and onto the streets before too long, zipping past cabs, and club goers getting ready for a night out on the town. Santana took the opportunity to hold onto Brittany tightly. She thought she could even smell Brittany’s strawberry shampoo over the street food sizzling in the crisp night air.
They’d only known each other for a few short months, and they’d only started hanging out one on one a short time after that, but there was something electric about their connection that Santana couldn’t name. She just wanted to revel in it as long as she could. She was used to people coming and going out of her life. She was a diplomat’s daughter, after all. Every few years it was another school, another country, another group of friends. But she hadn’t wanted to lose Brittany as easily as that. But she’d known that she couldn’t hold on forever. She squeezed Brittany a little tighter, and smiled when Brittany patted her hand in response.
After some time of crowded, city streets, they had headed further out, where the roads were less densely populated, and Brittany had taken a turn, leading them up a hill, and higher and higher until the puttering of the scooter was all they could hear, save for the calls of the animals in the woods. They finally stopped at a large building that Santana had only seen from a distance.
“The observatory?”
“Yep.” Brittany said proudly while pulling off her helmet, and grabbing Santana’s hand. “Profesora Torres works up here sometimes, and she let me borrow the key. You can’t beat the views.”
They were inside in moments, and Santana realized that the place had been prepped for their arrival. The observatory was old, block in a 70’s style, but clean, and there was a blanket set out with candles, and bottles of Santana’s favorite Guatemalan soda.
“After you, milady.” Brittany said with a gracious bow.
Santana giggled, and sat down. They laid on the blanket for a while, trading kisses, and whispers, until Brittany stood up, approached a control panel, and began flipping buttons.
“Brittany, do you know what you’re doing?” Santana asked, joining her by the console.
“Sure, I’ve been up here a few times before.”
A thought crossed Santana’s mind. “Is this your signature make out spot?”
Brittany looked at her with alarm. “Of course not! I was doing a study of quasars, and their proportional relation to supernovas, and I needed to gather more data. It’s when I was going through that cosmology phase. I haven’t ever had someone else up here.”
Santana softened. “I didn’t think so. Gee, Britt, you are such a nerd.”
“I’m the nerd?!” Brittany laughed, and shoved Santana gently with her shoulder. “I’m not the one with a four point million GPA! You’re gonna go to Harvard or something!”
Santana was quiet for a moment. “If I went to Harvard, would you meet me there?”
There was silence from Brittany for a moment, and Santana watched her carefully. Her face fell, and this time she struggled to rescue it. It took a few attempts, but she managed to plaster a facsimile on.
“Here. Take a look at this.” She spun the viewfinder towards Santana, who looked at her incredulously.
“Britt..”
“C’mon, San, I’ve been working on this all week. Just take a look.”
Santana sighed, but looked into the telescope. There was a pulsing light that shined faintly there.
“What is it”
“Technically it’s HD 597041983. But, I called some other nerds, and we got it classified officially as Santitany Major.”
Santana turned to look at her incredulously. “You’re kidding!”
“Nope! It’s a matter of official public record now.”
Santana laughed, and threw her arms around Brittany, giggling while she was twirled around.
“That’s so… I dunno, just so you, Britt.”
“I’ll show you how to find it in the sky, and you can always come and look at it. Whenever you want.”
Santana laughed again, and kissed Brittany soundly until they were both breathless and giggling. They settled back on the blanket, Brittany’s arms wrapped around Santana’s shoulders, and laid there as the time ticked away. Brittany sighed a few times, and Santana couldn’t take it anymore.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”
Brittany was silent for a few moments more, and another deep sigh brought Santana up to look at her closely. She saw the tears running down Brittany’s cheeks, and she gathered her up close.
“Oh Britt.”
She waited for Brittany’s silent sobs to abate and kissed her head gently.
“I wanted things to be normal for as long as I could. I thought maybe you’d heard, but I wasn’t sure. I just wanted things to be normal.” Brittany said, her voice hoarse with tears.
“I heard something, but I didn’t know for sure until tonight.”
“It’s my grandma. The doctor’s don’t think she has much time left, and she wants to stay at home. My mom is going to work from Columbus, and we’re going to stay in Lima. I’ll have to finish the school year out there, which is like, yay, going to school back in the States, but…”
She trailed off, not finishing the thought.
“I’m glad you’re going to spend some time with your grandma while you can.” Santana offered weakly.
Brittany sat up abruptly, and looked at Santana. “I promise you I begged and begged my mom to let me stay. I said I’d visit once a month if I had to. I told her I’d get a job at the Embassy. She just wouldn’t listen.”
“I know, Britt. I know you wanted to stay.”
All of the questions and doubt vanished from Santana’s mind. She hadn’t mentioned it because she was sure Brittany hadn’t told her because of something wrong with Santana, but of course that hadn’t been the case. She was ashamed that she’d even thought that.
“I am happy to see my Nana, I really am, but I’m going to miss you, San.”
She buried her face in Santana’s shoulder, and Santana just listened to the sound of her breathing.
--
They pulled into the compound a few minutes before eleven, and Brittany walked her all the way up to the house, each of them taking slow and tiny steps, to prolong the goodbye as long as possible. When they finally reached the door, they lingered even longer, until one of her parents (or maybe Santana’s little sister) turned on the porch light to let them know their time was up.
“I promise, I’ll text you all the time, and send photos, and everything.”
“Yep, and I’ll be back this summer, my mom already said I could come.”
They kissed again, into each other’s words, and held on for a moment longer, then, stretching out, they kept their fingertips touching until Brittany finally stepped off of the porch.
“See ya, Britt.” Santana said sadly.
Brittany only waved, and pointed towards the sky. Santana followed her finger, looking up where their star drifted, and smiled.