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Hisoka grinned as he leaned over and tucked Illumi’s hair behind his ear. The silky softness cascaded through his fingers. Other hand on Illumi’s thigh he was just about to lean in for a kiss when he heard the high pitched squealing of three children racing through the front door. They were back from school already then.
“Illumi!” All three voices shouted, getting louder the closer they got to the living room.
Swiftly, Illumi pushed Hisoka off of him. Hisoka landed back on the sofa with a grin. It wasn’t often that he got to see Illumi look flustered and he savoured the expression. He withdrew his hand from where it was still clasping Illumi’s leg just in time for his youngest three siblings to come charging into the room.
Killua and Alluka both still had on their adorable prep school uniforms, looking like they’d fought through a forest to reach home. Green blazers buttoned wrong, shirts untucked. One of Alluka’s socks had fallen down. Killua grasped a crinkled piece of paper in his hand. Kalluto, too young to attend primary school, was looking as neat and tidy as when he’d left that morning. Surely going to a private play school should include a least some paint, for all the three year old was wearing designer clothes.
All three started talking over each over, crowding around Illumi, while the eldest Zoldyck brother tried in vain to tidy Killua and Alluka’s outfits. A small pile of twigs and leaves were placed on the coffee table as Illumi pulled the foliage out of their hair. Hisoka smirked as he smoothed his own hair back into place, using his phone screen to check if his makeup had smudged. Hisoka could be kind and point out that Illumi’s hair was rather ruffled, but he enjoyed the view far to much to change it.
Illumi managed to settle the kids down and was looking at them with his adorable confused expression. In his hand a flyer. Hisoka recognised it as the crumpled paper killua had earlier. Deftly, Hisoka plucked out between his fingers and took a look.
The paper was slightly glossy. Clearly cheaply printed for the alignment was slightly off. Bright colours clashed, but Hisoka couldn’t deny it was eye catching. The tag line read ‘time of your life- guaranteed’. The dates were printed small at the bottom of the flyer, but Hisoka saw that the carnival was in town for that weekend only.
“Well, this looks like fun.” Hisoka fluttered the flyer in Illumi’s face, just to be annoying.
“Right,” Killua nodded, small head bobbing up and down rapidly. “It looks amazing.”
“Please, Illumi, can we go. Please.” Alluka put her hands together and did the most impressive puppy eyes. Kalluto joined in.
Hisoka decided to copy as well, hands clasped, slight pout on his face. “Yes, please Illumi dearest, can we go?”
Illumi rolled his eyes and took the flyer back, absently smoothing the folds out so it lay flat.
“We would have to ask Mum and Dad.”
“They won’t mind.” Killua grinned with the complete confidence of a five year old. “It’s not like they’re ever here. Why would they care?”
Illumi winced a little, looking unseeingly down at the flyer. Hisoka wanted to tell Killua to shut up, but of course the child didn’t realise what he said was upsetting. Before Hisoka could act, Illumi snapped out of his thoughts, pulling out his phone, fingers tapping the screen on and off repeatedly.
“I’ll text them.” Leaning over his shoulder, Hisoka watched as he pulled up his mothers contact info before opening the text thread with his father instead. “There. Done.”
He put the phone face down on the sofa beside him. Hisoka took his hand, gently rubbing circles when he felt the imperceptible tremor running through Illumi’s fingertips. While Killua and Alluka danced around the living room in a premature celebration, Kalluto stayed next to his brother. Grasping Illumi’s trouser in one tiny fist he stared up at his brother, eyes wide. Illumi scooped the little one up, hugging him tight. Hisoka smiled, snaking an arm around Illumi’s shoulder, smiling wider still when he felt his boyfriend relax just a little. His trust meant the world to Hisoka and Hisoka made sure to properly treasure the gift.
Illumi stayed cuddled up next to Hisoka while Kalluto drifted off to sleep in his arms. He looked towards his other two siblings. “Did you two have any homework?”
Both shook their heads.
“Are you sure.” A nod this time. Illumi sighed. “You’d better be telling the truth. Go get you planners, so I can sign them.”
Killua and Alluka ran to collect their bags from wherever they’d dumped them in their hurry to get to Illumi. Hisoka smiled into the side of Illumi’s head when he sighed again. Snuggled as close as they were, he felt the way Illumi jumped when his phone pinged.
He snatched his phone up so quickly he nearly dropped the device on Kalluto head. Kalluto grumbled sleepily while Illumi stroked his hair. With noticeably trembling hands, Illumi opened the unread message. His eyes scanned the screen and then he relaxed.
“Father says it’s fine.” He announced as Killua and Alluka reentered the room, matching home-school planners clasped in their arms. The planners were dropped to the floor as they squealed in delight. Grabbing Kalluto too, they all held hands and danced in dizzying circles. “They’re not going to back back until some time next week, so He’s fine with me taking you, as long as Gotoh drives us.”
“Your parents aren’t going to be home huh?” Hisoka asked and Illumi blinked at him.
“I’ll tell the chef to make dinner for you too.”
“Aww, thanks Lulu.”
“Don’t call me that.” Illumi complained, wrinkling his nose. He looked so adorable that Hisoka couldn’t resist kissing him right on the tip of his scrunched up nose.
“Right, I’m going to go grab some thing’s for the weekend.” He winked at Illumi. “Change of clothes, the essentials.” If Illumi was a normal human being, Hisoka was sure he would have blushed at that. Instead he continued to stare blankly. “I’ll be back in half an hour, okay.”
“Yes.” Illumi answered, before turning his attention to Killua, who had been prodding him impatiently for a while.
“Can Gon come too? Please.” He drew out the please far longer than needed.
Hisoka was out the room and just closing the door behind him, listening to Illumi ring Gon Aunt Mito. He really was a pushover when it came to his siblings.
The four Zoldyck siblings stood lined up on the door step of the manor, Illumi pacing back and forth in front of them like a drill sergeant. Doing his very best to hold back a chuckle, Hisoka lean against a pillar and listened to the lecture Illumi was giving them.
“Do you all have your backpacks?” Illumi asked, waiting for them all to nod their heads and show him that they hadn’t lost them on the way out the door. “And no ones taken anything out?”
Illumi had spent the morning packing each child a backpack. Inside each were basic essentials that each child might need, a change of clothes, Alluka’s inhaler, a snack and water. He’d laboriously sewn a tracker into each one, bullying Hisoka into helping too. Running his thumb over his fingertips, Hisoka was sure that he could feel all the tiny pricks from the needle. He’d never been very good at sewing. Illumi was surprisingly great at it, and had finished two backpacks in less time than it had taken for Hisoka to complete just one. He’d tried to make one for Milluki too, but the preteen had looked horrified at the fluffy bunny backpack his elder brother held out to him and promised to let Illumi track his phone instead. Hisoka hugged Illumi as he’d pouted. Milluki had rolled his eyes at his elder brothers behaviour, but had set up all the trackers on Illumi’s phone, upgrading it so he could now tell their location down to a couple of meters.
“You are not allowed to leave my sight. I mean it Killua, do not wander.” Illumi stared wide eyed at the five year old until Killua looked away, nodding in agreement. He held up his finger and continued with his carefully rehearsed speech. Hisoka had, in fact, helped him rehearse it earlier. “Remember, we can only get as many toys and prizes as will fit in the car, so think carefully about what you want. I will also not be carrying them for you, so again, think carefully before you buy anything. Does anyone have any questions.”
“Is Gon coming?” Killua shouted.
“Yes.” Illumi sighed. “Mito and Gon are going to meet us there.”
Killua grinned and hugged Illumi. A small smile appeared on Illumi’s face, which he quickly wiped away as he shepherd them all over to the car. Hisoka could see his reflection in the shiny sleek black car. He could tell it was fancy and didn’t even want to guess how much it cost. Still it was large enough to seat them all comfortably.
Hisoka slid into the front seat, grinning at the driver, while Illumi went round making sure everyone was safely bucked into their carseats. Milluki glared as he buckled his seatbelt, clearly planning to take the seat for himself. Snooze you loose kid. Now Milluki sat, scowl on his face wedged between Killua and Alluka at the very back, while Illumi sat next to Kalluto in the middle.
As the drive went on the children grew louder and Illumi gave up trying to correct them and get them to quiet down. Killua and Alluka were practically vibrating with excitement as they pulled up to the fairground. One by one Illumi lifted them out of the car, grabbing hold of hands to make sure they didn’t immediately run away. Milluki made a noise of disgust as Illumi tried to hold his hand too. Three small children all trying to go in different direction was obviously difficult enough though. It was adorable to see him so flustered. A rare event. Hisoka enjoyed the sight before taking pity on his poor overwhelmed boyfriend.
“Need help love?”
“No thank you.” Illumi replied totally seriously. Hisoka rolled his eyes and took hold of Killua’s hand anyway, as he was the one pulling hardest to get away.
Once they were all out of the car and Illumi checked they had all their things with them, Gotoh approached Illumi with a small bow. “I’ll go park the car now sir. Call me when your ready to leave. Or if you need anything before that.”
“Yes.” Illumi nodded. “Thank you.”
Just then Hisoka felt a tug on his hand. Looking down Killua was waving enthusiastically in the direction of the entrance. A small blacked haired child was waving back. Gon and his aunt were waiting by the ticket booth and Killua began to drag Hisoka in that direction, grabbing Illumi’s jacket with his free hand to get him to move too. Illumi shrugged and followed the small child’s lead.
“Shall we?” Hisoka asked the grumpy Milluki, sweeping his hand forward. Milluki ignored him, just followed along after his brother.
“Killua!”
“Gon!”
The two children ran and hugged each other. Hisoka assumed it was safe to let go of his hand for now.
“Lovey to see you again Illumi. Gon’s been so excited for tonight. It’s all he talked about all day.” Mito laughed. Illumi nodded.
Hisoka came and put his arm around Illumi’s waist. “Killua’s been the same all day too. Right Illu?”
“Ah, yes he has.” Illumi answered, looking straight ahead at the fairground. “Shall we get our tickets?”
Without waiting for an answer Illumi approached the counter, purchasing tickets for their group of eight. Milluki came up and tapped Illumi’s arm to get his attention. It was something Hisoka noticed that all the siblings did, even little Kalluto. Hisoka supposed they, like him, had come to the realisation that Illumi rarely responded to his name.
“Some of my friends are here.” Milluki began, holding up his phone with the text conversation displayed. “Could I meet up with them?”
“No.” Illumi said moving out the way of the ticket counter.
“What! Why the hell not?”
“Language. And because you’re not old enough to be wandering around the fair on your own.”
“Are you kidding. You were already caring for me when you were my age. You’re so unfair. It’s like you don’t trust me at all.”
Illumi looked vaguely uncomfortable, rubbing his thumb against his fingers, not looking in any particular direction. The rest of the group gathered around. Hisoka saw Mito glance at Illumi with what, if Hisoka had to guess, was pity. Not many people knew that Illumi had all but raised his younger siblings. Heck, Hisoka himself wasn’t immune to the sadness he felt for Illumi sometimes. But he knew better than to pity him. That was the last thing Illumi would want.
Hisoka put his hand gently on Illumi’s shoulder, feeling the gentle rise as he took a deep breath.
“Are there going to be any adults with your friends?” Illumi asked in a quiet voice.
“What, like Hisoka’s the adult with you.” Milluki shouted back.
“Milluki. Don’t talk to me that way. Do you want to be grounded?” Illumi spoke flat and emotionless.
“I’m just saying.” But Milluki quieted down, hands in his pockets looking properly chastened.
Hisoka turned to Mito. “Illumi’s eighteen in less than a month and I’m nineteen. We’re in some of the same classes at collage.” Hisoka felt it was important to explain there was less than a two year age gap between them. Mito already looked worried, the last thing Hisoka wanted was her calling the police over a misunderstanding.
“I see.” She said and patted him kindly on the arm. Illumi turned towards them. He didn’t look angry, but then he rarely looked anything. Other than tired. He constantly looked exhausted.
“Milluki’s friends are meeting us inside. I’ll talk to the other parents there and get their phone numbers.”
Hisoka nodded, this time pacing a hand on Illumi’s back and rubbing up and down comfortingly. Illumi was already tense and they hadn’t even entered the carnival proper yet.
“They’re going to meet us by the balloon stand.” Milluki muttered, reading from his phone again.
Milluki’s group of friends were easy to spot. Most of them were pretending to look uninterested, but their excitement showed anyway. Hisoka remembered being that age, worrying about looking cool in front of your friends. It was probably a good job Illumi had given in on making Milluki wear the backpack, poor kid would have been teased ruthlessly.
Illumi went around and introduced himself to all the parents, shaking their hands, an unnatural smile on his face. They chatted for a little while, polite small talk that Hisoka knew Illumi hated.
Illumi fussed at Milluki until he shouted that Illu was embarrassing him and turned to leave.
“Millu, you need cash. It said on the sign. You can’t use your card here.” Illumi pulled out his wallet and pulled out several notes.
Hisoka caught his hand, whispered in his ear. “Smaller notes, honey. He doesn’t need that much.”
“Oh,” Illumi tilted his head to the side, before changing the 100’s for a couple of 20’s. Adorable rich kid, Hisoka thought with a roll of his eyes. He would bet that Illumi had no clue how much anything was meant to cost.
“Thanks.” Milluki said as Illumi told him not to loose it.
One of the parents grinned at Illumi. “Don’t worry, we’ll look after him.”
“And then there was seven.” Hisoka said. “So what do you kids want to do first?”
“I got a map.” Illumi announced, handing the map to an eager Alluka as she made grabby hands. She spread the map on the floor and the other kids sat crosslegged around it, tracing different parts, excitedly jabbing at others. Illumi made silent notes of all the things that sparked the children interest. “Okay. We’ll start with the rides. This way.”
All the children followed after him as he weaved his way through the crowd. Gently he held the handle on Kalluto’s backpack. Hisoka took out his phone to take a picture.
“Adorable, aren’t they?” He turned to Mito who was walking next to him.
The teacup’s ride spun and wired before them creating a blur of colour. Music floated out from it, mixing with all the neighbouring rides competing for attention. Hisoka felt a thrill of childish excitement spread through him.
“I’m going to wait here,” Mito said. “I’m far too old to be going on rides with that much spinning. Want me to take any photos for you.”
“Yes please.” Illumi unlocked his phone and opened to the camera app. His camera roll was full of pictures of his siblings. And some of Hisoka too.
“I’ll look after Gon.” Illumi assured Mito. She smiled and said she was sure he would.
While they waited in line, Hisoka saw Illumi wince a few times, looking away from the bright flashing lights tat lined the queue. In his pocket Hisoka felt for the familiar weigh of spare sunglasses and earbuds. He kept them with him whenever he was with Illumi. Just in case. Everything seemed fine for now, but he liked to be prepared. As much as Illumi fussed over his siblings, he wasn’t very good at caring for himself.
It wasn’t long before they were at the head of the line. Hisoka was relived when they all managed to fit into one cup. He did not wish to be placed in charge of a group of yelling kids. Killua and Gon spun it wildly, to the point where even Hisoka began to feel a little sick. He was more than a little relived when it was time to disembark. Give him rollercoasters any day rather than tiny machines controlled by small children.
From there they had no time to recover before the kids were dragging Illumi in the direction of the next ride. Hisoka opted to sit the next one out.
“Here.” Mito passed him a travel sickness pill and a bottle of water.
“Thanks. Guess I’m too old for that much spinning too.”
Illumi sat through every one of the rides, face impassive as always. But Hisoka could tell he was getting more and more agitated as the night went on. Just small things that others might not notice. Like the way whenever Hisoka held his hand he would tap on it in rhythmic patterns. The way he’d rub his eyes, squeezing them shut for just a bit too long. Or the way he’d pick up Kalluto, who patiently let Illumi squeeze him and buried his head in his hair.
“We should do the haunted house next.” Hisoka suggested.
“That’s not in the plan.” Illumi objected, but the children were already jumping around eagerly, excited about the attraction. Illumi ran his hand through his hair so roughly it look like it should hurt. “Fine.”
After consulting the map, they turned back the way they’d just come, heading towards the haunted house. It’s location all the way on the other side of the fairground. Still, Hisoka thought it a solid plan. The house was bound to be cool, and quiet, and dark. It would give Illumi a bit of a breather.
Or it would have if they’d made it that far.
Halfway through the walk, Illumi stopped dead in his tracks, causing the crowds of people to veer around him. Abruptly he clamped his hands over his ears, sinking down so he was crouching on the floor, gently rocking back and forth on his toes.
Oh, it had gotten bad fast. Hisoka hurried to knee next to him, all the siblings surrounding the two of them. Anxiously they pulled on his clothes, trying to get his attention. Well at least they hadn’t all run off the moment Illumi took his eyes off them, Hisoka thought.
Mito appeared in front of the group. She took one look at Illumi hyperventilating and began ushering him over to the side of the walkway. Illumi followed placidly after her, not at all aware of his surroundings.
“Everyone hold hands.” Hisoka called out before grabbing onto Kalluto’s backpack and leading the obedient line of children over to where Mito was holding Illumi and stroking his hair. Sometimes Hisoka wondered if Illumi’s parents had ever held him like that. He highly doubted it. The first time Hisoka’s own mother had held Illumi during a meltdown, Illumi had practically melted into her. The Zoldyck parents didn’t seem the type to tolerate that kind of behaviour, involuntary though it might be.
Tightly squeezing Illumi’s shoulder so as not to startle him, Hisoka sat on his other side. First he placed the sunglasses on his face before gently tugging his hands away from his ears long enough to slip the ear buds in. Once they connected with his phone he began playing white noise, loud enough to drown out all the background noise. Slowly Illumi relaxed and blinked, taking his hands down from over his ears.
Mito took one of his hands and he flinched, jerking back into Hisoka.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, and kept on repeating it.
“Illumi, darling, it’s fine.” Hisoka whispered in his ear, moving one ear bud to the side to do so. “Everyone is right here, safe and sound, and no one is annoyed at you.”
“How are you feeling now?” Mito asked.
“Fine. Sorry. Thank you.” Illumi scooped up Kalluto again, who immediately hugged his brother. Illumi fiddled with Kalluto’s hair absentmindedly.
“I’ll go and get something to drink.” Mito said, standing, careful not to make Illumi jump again.
“Could you get something not fizzy and with lots of sugar?” Hisoka asked.
Mito nodded, taking Gon by the hand and walking over to a nearby vendor.
Gently Hisoka wrapped his arm around Illumi’s shoulder, watching as Illumi held Kalluto. The two of them looked shockingly similar. Often times when Illumi took just the three year out while the other’s were at school, people mistook Kalluto for his son. Hisoka had never heard Illumi correct them.
Mito returned with Gon in tow, carrying a variety of drinks.
“Is this alright?” She held a bottle of orange juice out to Hisoka.
“Perfect, thank you.” Taking the bottle he turned his attention back to Illumi. He undid the lid, encouraging him to drink, watching as his shaking subsided a little.
“Should we call it a night?” Hisoka asked quietly while Mito distracted the children. A strand of hair fell over Illumi’s face as he shook his head and Hisoka gently tucked it behind his ear. “You look tired.”
“Games first.” Illumi said, taking another sip of his juice. “No more rides.”
“No more rides.” Hisoka agreed.
The carnival games were in a different field, a little way from the rides. Most likely it’d be busy, but hopefully not as loud and bright. Hisoka could understand why Illumi was overwhelmed. While he himself thrived off the chaos, he could agree it was a lot. And Illumi had been stressing about his sibling all evening. Something like this happening was practically inevitable. While Hisoka wished his boyfriend wasn’t in pain, he did secretly relish the chance to take care of him.
Illumi held onto his arm as Hisoka led the group through the carnival to the games field. The white noise was still playing in his ears. He carried Kalluto with his free arm, while Hisoka held onto Alluka. Both Gon and Killua were with Mito. Illumi kept counting his siblings. Hisoka made no move to stop him, knowing it calmed him down.
Kalluto was getting sleepy by this point, so Illumi didn’t put him down when they arrived at the games field. He did hesitantly take off the glasses then the ear buds, handing them back to Hisoka with a small thankful smile. A kiss on the cheek for good measure.
Illumi let the kids drag him from stand to stand, and he ended up carrying far more stuffed animals than there were children. Several of the toys were comically balanced on the soundly sleeping Kalluto.
“Illumi,” Killua wined, tugging Illumi’s jacket. “This ones hard.”
“Yes. They are rigged.” Illumi explained as Killua dragged him closer. The game in question had a wall of balloons, which you needed to pop with darts to win prizes. “Oh.” Illumi said, head on one side. “I can do this.”
Handing over the payment he was handed back a set of darts. Mito held Kalluto while Illumi flicked the darts with a scary precision. Every single one hit the target, much to the stall holders annoyance. Killua cheered as he went to pick up his desired prize. The giant turtle was as big as the child.
“You’re carrying that.” Illumi warned as Killua nearly tripped over it running back. “Be careful.”
Hisoka slipped away for a moment. A prize at another stand had caught his eye. The stuffed animal dangled from the tent, a big round cat with wide eyes. Not only did it look extra soft but the expression reminded him of Illumi.
He’d worked at a carnival after deciding to change his A-levels when he was sixteen. The subjects he’d chosen weren’t doing it for him and when he’d talked it over with his family they all agreed taking the year out before doing something he actually enjoy was the wiser decision. He’d needed to wait for September to re-apply for his scholarship before starting the new courses. So for six months he’d travelled round with a local carnival, working both the rides and the games. He knew what tricks they used, and how to get around them.
Picking up the rings offered to him, Hisoka quickly worked out the angle needed to land them on the tilted bottles. He won the cat on the first try. Grinning he jogged back over to Illumi.
“Hey, I got you something.”
For a moment Illumi’s eyes lit up, then he looked to the ground.
“Hisoka, you know I’m not allowed to-,”
“We can keep it at my house. Then you can have it to snuggle when you come round.”
Illumi reached out to rub the material of it’s ear between his fingers. He smiled. “It’s really soft.”
“I know.”
“Thank you.” Illumi kissed him on the cheek. Hisoka wrapped his free arm around him, holding him close. Wide eyes reflecting all the coloured lights around them, hisoka found himself getting lost in the moment. Illumi was beautiful. Hisoka stroked his cheek then kissed him deeply. The world around him disappeared.
They were both rudely interrupted when a cranky Kalluto woke up, nearly hitting Hisoka in the nose as he stretched. Immediately Illumi’s attention was pulled to the child in his arms.
“Sorry Kallu. Did we wake you?” Kalluto nodded and Hisoka burst out laughing. Kalluto was a mini Illumi indeed. “Is it time to go home?” He looked to Hisoka. “Are you staying the night again.”
“Of course.”
“If we divided putting them all to bed, I think we can have them all asleep within the hour.”
“I like the sound of that.” Hisoka grinned.
They said goodbye to Mito at the gates, Killua waving a sleepy goodbye while leaning heavily against Illumi. By this point Illumi was carrying both Alluka and Kalluto. Hisoka had been left to carry all the toys. The car drove to the entrance to pick them up and Illumi settled everyone while they waited for Milluki to join them. Hisoka and Gotoh, ended up piling the toys onto of the sleeping children, somehow managing to get them all in. Milluki had grabbed the front seat while Hisoka was occupied and Hisoka childishly stuck out his tongue at him.
He was rewarded with a small laugh from Illumi, who he squeezed in next to. The car pulled away and Hisoka wrapped Illumi in his arms.
“This was fun.” His whispered into the silky hair. “We should take your siblings out more often.”
For a moment, Illumi looked like he was about to cry. Then his reigned in the expression, pulling Hisoka in for a kiss. Vaguely Hisoka heard Milluki complaining, saying eww from the front seat. But he didn’t care. Illumi’s hands were tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck and he found in that moment nothing else mattered.