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Pure Vanilla Cookie felt like he was dreaming.
The past few hours had passed in a blur, Pure Vanilla wrapped up in a tangle of troubled thoughts, unable to truly concentrate on the task at hand. He’d learned so much about White Lily Cookie, about his Soul Jam, about Earthbread as he knew it– but the knowledge he had gained felt… Far away. Distant, almost, as though it had retreated into a far-off corner in his mind, vaguely present yet unreachable nonetheless.
He could smell that achingly familiar lily scent, feel his solid staff under his fingers, hear the soft faerie song around them, taste the terrified bile rising in the back of his throat. He could see her right in front of him. And yet, as he looked into White Lily’s bright magenta eyes, lucidity felt a hundred miles away.
She took in a shuddering breath of air, hesitantly sitting up in her bed– in her coffin – and gazing blearily around at her surroundings. “...Where…?” She flinched at the too-loud croak of her voice in the otherwise suffocating silence, the world seeing to hold its breath until she gasped sharply.
“White Lily Cookie!” Silverbell was the first to address her, carefully surveying her frail form with a hopeful half-smile. “Are you okay?!”
Pure Vanilla simply stared, mind racing faster than ever before as his every thought skidded to an abrupt halt. He existed solely in a state of dreamlike juxtaposition, looking upon the girl who had been his everything as he struggled to make sense of all he’d been told. She was alive. He was looking straight at her– the real her. Not a reflection. Not a corpse. Not a memory. Not Dark Enchantress. She was here.
And Pure Vanilla couldn’t find it in himself to say a word.
“Do you… Remember us?” Strawberry asked cautiously, fiddling with her hoodie threads in a clear nervous habit. Pure Vanilla felt a sudden wave of cold flood through him at her words– it should have been stronger, really, but everything felt like it was happening in another world. Still, the idea of White Lily Cookie having forgotten him sent shivers of dread rushing through his blood, slowly mixing with the complex cocktail of emotions ensuing in his brain now that she was back.
“What’s the last thing you can recall?” Wizard’s muffled voice enquired at the lack of a response, every sound growing harder and harder to hear as it was obscured by the white noise in Pure Vanilla’s ears. She was right there.
Something caught in his throat, a sort of hitching gasp he couldn’t manage to suppress. His lungs felt like they were being steadily squeezed by a huge hand, every inhale an effort as his head spun. White Lily Cookie didn’t look at him.
“I’m… Okay,” She told them shakily, eyes averted to the floor. “Am I really… Back?” She paused, raising a hand to her head. “But… I…”
A wheezing cough sounded out, courtesy of Elder Faerie, and Pure Vanilla heard him call weakly out to her. He sounded… Happy, Pure Vanilla thought. He couldn’t focus on him though, not when White Lily occupied every inch of his starving gaze.
She hadn't changed a bit. Her face was as determined and earnest as ever, pale and pointed and perfect. She rushed over to Elder Faerie despite her fragile condition, still so concerned with everyone's wellbeing but her own. Her voice was gentle and lilting, measured even as it struggled to be heard. Pure Vanilla was transfixed by it all.
Everything was moving too fast and too slow all at once, his mind incessantly repeating a mantra of her name. He could only half-process all that was occurring, and they still had yet to address each other.
What was he going to say? After all these years, after all that had happened– what could possibly be a fitting greeting?
He stayed silent, hardly feeling like he was even there as Elder Faerie finally collapsed, carried away by the guards as Pure Vanilla stayed entirely unresponsive. He’d missed White Lily so, so much, but now she was back, he didn’t know what to do with himself. How to reach out to her.
He should step forward. He should tell her how indescribably happy he was to have her back in his life. He should apologise for not having been there for her. He should ask about all that had happened, explain his own experiences thus far. He should hold her hand and brush his fingers against her face and confirm that she was real , that she was really here, that he wasn’t caught up in another heart-shatteringly vivid fantasy.
He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He could barely breathe.
Then, she approached him.
“Pure Vanilla Cookie?” She said softly, her beautiful face framed in a muted halo as ethereal light shone down on them into the clearing. Pure Vanilla startled a little at the sound of her voice, noticing that they were alone. He couldn’t for the life of him say when the others had left, or why White Lily had chosen to stay with him.
“White Lily Cookie,” he replied, voice almost inaudible as he felt tears begin to brim in his eyes. It was barely a whisper, his mouth forming such a familiar name in wonder and disbelief. She was here. “...I…”
He raised a hand to his head, biting painfully on his lower lip when he felt it begin to tremble and trying to stay centred in the reality that she was here, right in front of him, for the first time in decades. He swallowed around his dry throat, a lump rising within it that he fought to shove down again.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally, a weak laugh spilling from his lips. “I– I don’t quite know what to say.”
White Lily clutched her staff to her chest, thoroughly averting his eyes, and Pure Vanilla felt his heart sink in his chest. She was still hiding something– of course she was, she always was, every inch of her tense where she used to be able to relax around him. She took a deep breath, and Pure Vanilla listened intently to the stumbling flood of words that ensued.
“I’m sorry,” she began, the loathing in her voice clear as day– but it wasn’t directed at him. “I– I hurt everyone. I remember it all, I was so– so determined to find the truth, to fight for the freedom of all Cookies, but as soon as I learnt what it was, I abandoned everything. Dark Enchantress Cookie has destroyed so m-many lives, she’s hurt you – I’ve hurt you! I’m a monster. ”
Pure Vanilla was by her side before the first tear even had time to drip from her chin. “No, no– White Lily Cookie–”
She hunched in on herself, shoulders shaking tremulously with the effort of keeping her sobs silent. Tiny hiccups still reached his ears, and Pure Vanilla’s heart cracked all over again as he cupped hold of her cheek in an action that was purely instinctive. She raised her head to look at him, and he’d never seen her so– so broken before. More gently than ever before, he wiped a glistening tear from her cheek, feeling as though he were at risk of breaking the fragile figure before him at any second. White Lily was strong, he knew that; she had been one of the strongest people he knew. But enveloped in the vast expanse of the clearing around them, shadow lingering over a bed that had for so long acted as her grave , she had never looked quite so small.
“You may have become Dark Enchantress Cookie,” Pure Vanilla began quietly, anticipating her small flinch at the name. “But Dark Enchantress Cookie isn’t you. You’re White Lily Cookie. You’ve made mistakes, I know. So have I. But you’ve… You’ve spent so long alone,” Pure Vanilla’s voice cracked a little. “And I– I’ve missed you more than words can possibly say.”
White Lily Cookie didn’t reply, simply staring up at him with huge, tearful magenta eyes that had not been corrupted by hatred and malice. She and Dark Enchantress Cookie may have shared the same shade, but the difference in how they looked upon him was immense. Pure Vanilla Cookie let the silence hang for a moment, then allowed himself to continue.
“I… I do not want there to be a rift between us. There’s no denying all that’s happened, nor how it is going to affect us henceforth. We’ve lost so much time, and Dark Enchantress Cookie won’t rest until we defeat her. But I truly believe that together, we– we can fix this. We can make everything okay again.” Pure Vanilla Cookie closed his eyes again, taking a moment to simply breathe. It was quiet in the clearing. He hadn’t been able to enjoy that sort of peace in a long time. “...It’s so wonderful to have you back.”
At that, White Lily shifted a little, Pure Vanilla opening his eyes again to see her desperate, fragmented stare piercing into him.
“Really?” She queried breathlessly, one hand clutching onto his robes like a lifeline. “You– you really mean that? You’re…” Her voice wobbled, worry lines etched into her face as Pure Vanilla looked at the person who had meant everything to him. “You’re really happy to see me again? Even after everything I’ve done? Even if I… Am Dark Enchantress Cookie?” Her breath hitched, terror creeping into her tone as she blurted out, “even if I might become her once more?”
“You are not Dark Enchantress Cookie,” Pure Vanilla told her, resolute and unfaltering even as he dreaded saying the wrong thing. “And– and if the Light of Freedom does shatter again… This time, I will be there to help you. I promise.”
“I just wanted to… To better Cookiekind. To find out our purpose,” White Lily Cookie confessed, wrapping her arms around herself. “But all my meddling has caused is suffering. I don’t deserve your help.”
“What do you mean?” Pure Vanilla’s voice softened further, something light managing to snake its way back within as he tucked a strand of hair over her shoulder. “You’ve helped so many people over the years– just look at the Faerie Kingdom: they herald you as a hero even now! Because you are, White Lily, no matter what Dark Enchantress has done. Whether she’s a part of you or not. You’re a Hero.”
That was all it took for her to fully embrace him. She practically crumpled in his arms, burying her face in his chest as he held her close. Tears finally spilled down his own face, and once they’d begun to fall, there was no stopping the torrent.
In the midst of it all, Pure Vanilla Cookie found himself remembering the years he’d spent alone before Black Raisin had discovered him. An eternal expanse of empty hours, no way to keep track of them and no way to occupy himself. He didn’t remember much from that time. Just the pain of the explosion that had destroyed his kingdom, the darkness that encircled him endlessly, the bone-deep cold that had never quite left since his act of ‘sacrifice’.
Holding White Lily Cookie close, Pure Vanilla Cookie could finally begin to feel warm again.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry–” Apology after apology spilled from her lips, mumbled incoherently into his robes, frantic and never-ending. Each time, Pure Vanilla quieted them with three astoundingly simple yet beautifully powerful words, whispered like a prayer as they sank to the floor of the clearing.
“I forgive you.”
And he held her as tightly as he could, and she held him back, and he never wanted to let go again. He was terrified of the moment they’d have to part, of losing her again when he’d just got her back. So he drunk in her intoxicating lily scent, ran his hands along silken hair, relished the warmth of her in his arms, and reassured himself again and again and again that she was real. She was here. He had her back
And maybe things weren’t okay. Maybe they never would be again. Maybe the world they knew had been ripped apart at the seams, and now they had to sew it all together again in a place fraying more by the minute.
But they had each other, and in that moment, that was all that mattered.