Chapter Text
“Marcellus?” Elijah asked as Vincent prepared to start the spell.
“What, having second thoughts?” the other man quipped, though Elijah could see how conflicted he was. He was probably thinking about having to tell Niklaus and Rebekah. Elijah didn’t envy him the position.
“No, I just have one more favor to ask,” he said as he pulled out the envelope from inside his coat and handed it to Marcel. Hayley was written in his handwriting on one side of the envelope and Elijah’s chest constricted painfully.
“Elijah,” Marcel started with a heavy sigh, “she doesn’t know? You didn’t discuss this with her? She’s your-”
“She will know. And, once she reads this letter she will understand that I am doing this for her. Because I love her,” he said, trying not to think of how Hayley would react to this letter. Hopefully she won’t rip it apart and burn it, not that he would blame her. “Will you please ensure she receives this?” he asked Marcel, meeting the other man’s gaze. “Please?”
Marcel just shook his head at first but nodded. “Alright. I’ll give this to Hayley. But, I sure as hell hope you know what you’re doing.
“I do. Just give Hayley the letter,” he muttered.
“You two ready?” Vincent called out, and the two of them returned, Elijah stepping into the circle of salt. Vincent stepped behind him and performed the spell, muttering his enchantments, and Elijah felt something within him unlock. He opened his eyes to meet Marcel’s gaze. “Okay, do it now,” Vincent ordered quietly.
“Your vow, the promise of always and forever, forget it,” Marcel finally said.
One Month Later
“You’ve reached the voicemail of Elijah Mikaelson. I’m otherwise occupied at the moment so leave the message after the tone and I’ll return the call. Niklaus, this better not be another one of your tantrums, they’re usually messy,” his voice filled the car as she exited Mystic Falls and Hayley let out a ragged breath. Gods, she’d missed the sound of his voice, the lilt of his accent, not quite British, not quite American, his formal way of speaking. The deadpan tone at the end, directed at Klaus. It was just so him.
She wasn’t quite sure what she’d expected to happen if she called him but his voicemail wasn’t one of those things. She’d resisted contacting him after the ritual, after Elijah had vamp-sped out of the Abbatoir after giving her one last, longing look. She’d resisted asking any of the Mikaelson siblings if they knew where he was, and instead headed to Mystic Falls with Hope, who was still so confused and traumatized by the whole ordeal. By her whole family being ripped away from her. By the ancient bitch spirit that had possessed her. So, Hayley had focused on Hope, on getting her out of her shell and into the new school, helping her adapt and adjust to the new school. She’d stayed in Mystic Falls for a month and now it was time to go home.
He probably hates you by now, anyways, you were such a bitch, a nagging voice whispered in the back of her mind, but she ignored it and tried not to think too much of their last few days.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” The way his voice and his composure had cracked as soon as she’d uttered those three words. Like he didn’t think she felt them anymore.
Their last kiss, their lips salty and wet from tears, the edge of desperation, the way Elijah cradled her head, the way his fingers tangled in her hair, their foreheads resting against each other at the end, holding each other for one last time.
“Whatever we are, you and me, we were doomed. I could never be what you needed me to be. Best thing I can do for you is disappear.” He hadn’t been able to meet her gaze, her eyes bright with unshed tears, and gods she’d wanted to rage, to beg him to come back to her, but the hollowness in his voice terrified her. So, like the coward she was, the coward who had run from the man she loved, she said nothing. Not nothing. Just not enough. Just I love you.
The call disconnected without her saying a single thing, and she turned up the music in an attempt to drown her thoughts. A soft love ballad was playing, and a tear slipped from her eye as she hit the gas slightly.
“Hayley… I can’t undo the things I’ve done-”
“Elijah,” she shut her eyes, letting out a sigh, but he didn’t let her. For once.
“No. I can’t stop being… this…” he shook his head in disgusted and took a few steps forward. “I also can’t stop loving you. So you tell me what you need me to do. Yes I’m ashamed and I’m appalled-”
“I don’t need you to apologize, Elijah,” she’d cut him off, not wanting to have this conversation then. They needed to find Hope first.
He would have begged her for it. For her forgiveness. He would have knelt before her and begged for her forgiveness, and he would have done anything she asked of him. He would have burned the world down if need be. But she just needed to find Hope.
“Let me help y-” he reached for her arm, but she pulled away like he’d burned her.
“Don’t touch me!”
She let out a whimper, sniffling, as she remembered the stricken look on Elijah’s face, the way he’d stepped back and shrunk in on himself, the pain and anguish written all over his face. It was the same look he’d given her when she’d stepped back from him in the corridor of his mind. Please forgive me. He’d practically begged her, his voice trembling with emotion, and she’d stepped back. Away from him. That was the beginning of the end for them.
Hayley shook her head and sniffled, then dialed Elijah again, his voice on the voicemail recording filling the car once again and more tears threatened to spill from her eyes because gods she’d missed him. She missed him and she hated himself for it. Hated him, too.
She waited for the tone before speaking. “Hey, uh… I don’t know if you’ll get this before I get to New Orleans. I’m driving from Mystic Falls now, so got a couple more hours. Shit I- I don’t even know where you are now,” she let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Look, I know it might be too late and I’m a bitch, but I was hoping we could talk. I want to talk. We left things… I hate how we left things, I hate that we said goodbye because I don’t want a goodbye. I miss you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I said. Please call me back,” she said before being cut off by the beep again, the line going dead.
And she finally let the tears fall as she hit the gas and hoped and prayed that she was truly going home now. That Elijah would somehow magically be there, waiting for her.
“You came back.”
“I always come back.”
He wasn’t. It had been some silly hope of hers, something to tell herself as she drove down from Mystic Falls to New Orleans. But, as soon as she arrived back at the Abbatoir she knew Elijah wasn’t back, that he wasn’t waiting for her. And then she saw Freya, Marcel and Vincent in the courtyard. Nothing good could come of this. Especially with the Mikaelsons gone, scattered throughout the world, those three could not be talking about the weather. Especially since Marcel had gone with Rebekah to New York.
“Please tell me things haven’t gone completely to shit while I’ve been gone,” she said by way of greeted as she crossed the courtyard.
“Hayley!” Freya exclaimed while the two men exchanged a significant glance. “You’re home.”
“I am,” she said, her eyes flitting between the three, neither of which was meeting her gaze. “Which you knew. So, what’s going on? Marcel, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?”
“Hales, can we talk?” Marcel asked, his voice gentle in a way he never really was.
Freya scoffed, “you know what? You did it, you can deal with it. So, go on, Marcel, tell Hayley why you’re here!”
Her brow furrowed and she looked between the three, her mind whirring with different scenarios as she tried to think of why these three were standing in the middle of the courtyard like this. Why Freya was pissed.
“Look, Freya-” Vincent started, stepping closer to the blonde witch like he was approaching a cat.
“Don’t, Vincent, just don’t! I’m sure you’re loving this, I’m sure you’re feeling like you won, so there’s no need to gloat. Now, get the fuck out of here, I can’t even look at you right now-”
“Freya-”
“No! You give me hell for protecting my family, for putting my family first at the expense of others, but you’re the first to sacrifice my family for your own means. You’re the first to crucify them, of course you didn’t hesitate to-”
“Freya, don’t-”
“Don’t what, Marcellus?” she retorted, her voice saccharine as she used the name Elijah always used towards Marcel. “Don’t make a scene? Excuse me if I feel like making a scene after finding out that-”
“Listen, Freya, I know that you’re upset-”
“Vince, just don’t,” Marcel shook his head at the witch.
“Why don’t you all just fucking shut up?” she snapped, unable to watch or listen to this ridiculousness any longer. “What the fuck is going on here? Why are you three arguing?”
Freya huffed out a sarcastic laugh, “why don’t I let Marcel tell you?”
“I’m just gonna go…” Vincent muttered, backing away.
“Yeah, go, Vincent, before Klaus finds out and comes looking for you,” Freya sniped.
“He can’t-”
“You think he’ll give a damn?” the blonde retorted, blue eyes glaring furiously at Vincent, her arms crossed over her chest.
“You know what? I’ve had enough of this. I’m tired, I’m just gonna go to my room. I need to try calling Elijah again,” she muttered, moving towards her room, but Marcel’s hand on her arm stopped her.
“Hales, you can’t,” he told her, and she whirled to face him. “You can’t call Elijah.”
“What do you mean I can’t call him? Look, this is none of your business, Marcel, but I really need to call him cause we fought and I-”
“He doesn’t know who you are. He won’t- he doesn’t remember you, Hayley. Any of you,” Marcel finally said, still not looking at her, and Hayley froze.
“What?” she gasped, shaking. “What are you talking about?”
“Elijah asked Vincent and I to help him make sure to stay away,” Marcel told her.
“By wiping away his memories? What the fuck, Marcel?” she demanded, her eyes blazing, her heart hammering in her chest. “I swear, if this is some sick, twisted joke… I know things are weird between us but Elijah wouldn’t-”
“He did. He asked me to wipe away his memories. All of them. So, he wouldn’t be tempted to visit and wouldn’t put Hope in danger. And, he asked me to give this to you,” he said, handing her an envelope with the Mikaelson seal and her name written in Elijah’s cursive handwriting. Hayley.
“No,” she muttered, shaking her head, “there’s no way. No. He wouldn’t, no…” she trailed off, still shaking her head even as she took the envelope from Marcel and gripped it tightly.
“Look, Hayley, I’m sorry but he asked me to and I- honestly, I thought it’d be an easy solution,” Marcel told her with a weary sigh.
“And you wanted to get revenge. C’mon, admit it, you wanted to hurt him. You wanted to take everything away from him after what happened five years ago, after he killed you. You wanted to-”
“No! It had nothing to do with what happened, alright? Look, I know you’re confused and pissed, and maybe I don’t know much about your relationship with Elijah, but just… read this letter, alright? He wrote it for you and asked me to make sure you got it,” he told her, handing her the envelope. She clutched it like a lifeline. “Now, I’m sorry that this is hurting you all, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. Elijah without his memories is much less dangerous and not likely to visit Klaus or you cause he misses you. That’s one lose end taken care of-”
“So, what, we’re all just lose ends?” That was Freya, her blue eyes bright with unshed tears. “He’s our brother, Marcel. He’s Hayley’s boyfriend, he’s not a lose end,” she said, her voice icy.
“I think you should go,” Hayley said finally, not looking at either of the two men, unable to do so. They had wiped away all of Elijah’s memories. Wiped away who he was.
Marcel sighed, “alright. I’m gonna go tell Klaus. But, uh, let me know if you need anything,” he said.
“If Klaus let’s you live, that is,” Freya quipped with a scoff. Hayley said nothing, and Marcel vamp-sped out of the Compound. Both Hayley and Freya turned to Vincent.
“Get out!” Freya snapped, glaring at the other witch.
Hayley said nothing and just held the envelope, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she tried to wrap her mind around it. Elijah had his memories wiped. Over a thousand years’ worth of them and they were gone.
“Hayley-” Freya started, reaching for her, but Hayley just shook her head and vamp-sped upstairs to her room. Their room. She shut the door behind herself and finally broke the seal, opening the envelope, sliding out the letter inside.
My dear Hayley,
Please forgive me. Let me just start by asking for your forgiveness even if I know what I did was unforgivable. Everything that happened in the pendant… what you saw – who you saw – there aren’t words that can describe it or justify it. What I did to you. I can’t forgive myself for it and neither should you. I told you the best thing I can do for you is disappear and I meant it. I asked Marcellus and Vincent to help me. Vincent can perform a spell that can render my mind… less protected… that can allow Marcellus to use his compulsion powers on me. So, Marcellus will wipe away my memories of everything. Of our family, of who I am, of us you. This way I can protect my family and I won’t put them – Hope – at risk by rushing to Niklaus’s side whenever he gives in to his darker impulses. Perhaps he will learn to manage them, this way. I told you I can’t undo what I’ve done, that I’m ashamed and I’m appalled but… I can’t live with it either. I know this is taking the coward’s way out and if that makes me one then so be it. But I just- I cannot live with it. Without you. I can’t get it out of my head… the look on your face when I attacked hurt you, the terror in your eyes, the way you flinched from me. I can’t unhear don’t touch me. I can’t forgive myself for what I did, and I can’t live with it either so I’m not. I won’t live in a world in which you hate me. I simply cannot. So, Marcellus will also wipe away my memories of you. Because I would rather not know you than know that you hate me. I would rather not remember the good times than live with the memories of what happened behind the Red Door. I hope you will forgive me for making this decision, but it is my decision.
I love you. Gods, Hayley, I love you so much. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, I’ve never felt like this before. And I will always love you. Even when I won’t remember you, even when I won’t know you I will always love you. My heart will always belong to you. My soul, black and damned as it is, is yours. Always and forever.
Always and forever yours,
Elijah
Tears streamed down her face as she finished reading the letter, as Elijah’s words sank in. She thought she might find some explanation for what he’d done, and a tiny part of her had even hoped he’d tell her it was all some twisted joke. But it wasn’t. And, he did give her a reason for having over a thousand years’ worth of memories, his whole self, wiped away. It was her. It was because of her. Because she was a bitch and she’d hurt him, pushed him away, told him not to touch her. She let out a sob, anguished and broken as she slid to the floor of their room, and she felt like dying. Best thing I can do for you is disappear. I can’t unhear don’t touch me. I would rather not know you than know that you hate me. I love you. Her vision blurred and she clutched the letter to her chest, and she couldn’t breathe.
She couldn’t breathe.
She couldn’t breathe.
She gasped, trying to suck in a lungful of air, but she couldn’t, an agonized cry escaping her lips as she struggled to breathe. She couldn’t fucking breathe.
She couldn’t breathe.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
She let out another half-cry, half-sob, raw and anguished as she struggled for air as tears streamed down her face and she continued pressing the letter to her chest. Like it could patch the hole in her heart. Like it could fix her. It couldn’t. But she couldn’t let go of it.
So, Hayley held the letter and cried, letting the tears flow, letting herself feel the grief and pain that sliced through her, just a little bit. I cannot live with it. I love you. My heart will always belong to you. I can’t unhear don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me.
She could hear the words, could feel the ghost of Elijah’s touch, the way he’d reached for her before she’d pulled away from him like he’d burned her. She could see the utter devastation on his face, the grief in his dark brown eyes, but he’d pushed it all down for her. To find her daughter. Because she’d asked. Because he loved her. But not enough. Not enough to stay.
So Hayley put her face in her hands and cried, her back resting against her bed, the letter, crumpled against her chest, stained with her tears. I love you. Don’t touch me. I can’t live in a world in which you hate me.
She couldn’t breathe.
She needed him. Elijah. She needed him and he wasn’t here and she was all alone with a crumpled letter clutched in her hands and the ghost of him all over their room. The memory of their goodbye haunting her. His words imprinted in her mind, on her soul. She needed him but he wasn’t here. Because he didn’t know who she was. And it was all her fault.