Chapter Text
in suicide baiters
2:54pm
Yosano:
atsushi i can see your goofy ass standing up.
you better sit your ass down freak
i want to get home and this bus wont move
Ranpo:
atusushi this is embarrassing
just sit next to akutagawa
Atsushi:
i no no wanna :(
OH MY GOD FINE STOP THROWINF SHIT AT ME
Chuuya:
thats actually embarrassing
no way bro got peer pressured into sitting next to akutagawa
Kunikida:
Chuuya where were you and dazai today
cause i litterally had to do chem all by myself
and they partenerd me with kajii
i cannot deal with that again tomorrow
Atsushi:
SKILL ISSUE LMAO
Yosano:
dude we just bullied you into sitting next to a goth
do not skill issue anyone for the next hour
Chuuya:
anyway.
me and zai had a beach day..
this cunt DRAGGED ME into his car and told me were driving an hour to the better beacch.
Ranpo:
NAHH
Dazai:
I WANTED TO GO SEE THE BABY CRABS CHUUYA
THEYRE SO BABY o(˶^▾^˶)o
Chuuya:
you tried to take them
Dazai:
theyre so baby.
Atsushi:
what the fuck
why.
litterally why
Kunikida:
dont you already have crabs zai
do not make a joke yosano im watching you.
Yosano:
hart brakes
Kunikida:
i mean dont you have a tank.
in your room.
for your pet crabs.
Atsushi:
DAZAI??
WHAT THE FUCK???
WHY???
Yosano:
oh my gof atsushi its literally gigantic
like window size
theres only two crabs in there
and theyre living a better life then me.
Dazai:
they deserve the best (˘ ˘ ˘)
Yosano:
theyre just crabs
Dazai:
im going to kill myself.
Ranpo:
STREAM IT
STREAM IT
LIKE LOGAN PAUL
OR WTV
Naomi:
is that the ytber who recorded the dude hanging himself
Ranpo:
yeah
most entertaining video to ever be on youtube
Naomi:
CRAZY
IM TWEETING THAT..
Ranpo:
WAIT FUCK
I DIDNT MEAN IT!!!
HANGING IS NOT FUNNY OR SILLY!!!!!
Yosano:
wow is that your apology video?
Ranpo:
no cause i have nothing to apologize for
Naomi:
except being a fatass
Ranpo:
WHAT THE FUCK???
Atsushi:
I HATE YOU BOTH.
ME AND AKUTAGAWA.
ARE THE LAST ONES ON THE FUCKING BUS
I CANNOT DO THIS
Chuuya:
actually insane
bro did nothing to you..
Atsushi:
he looked freaky thats enough
Chuuya:
i will add bro to this gc
its a lil to empty anyways
Atsushi:
NO NONJIOKNBSDHJKS
MOOOOOO
PLEasdew
Junichiro:
moo is crazy
Atsushi:
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
I MEANT NO
OBVISOUSKT
Junichiro:
okay gang...
Dazai:
WESTSIDE!!!!
GANG GANG!!
Yosano:
i was starting to think you died
Dazai:
i wish ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡
Yosano:
rolls eyes
rolls eyes harshly
rolls are violently
Dazai:
SHUTUIORP ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡
Atsushi:
why did you ghost dazai
hm????????????
and stop using those i cant tell what they are half the time buddy.
Dazai:
i do what i want (∩˃o˂∩)♡
Ranpo:
setting up his noose for the livestream
FUCK
Yosano:
bro didnt finish typing in time
Ranpo:
SHUTUP OMG IM GOING TO JOIN DAZXAI LAIVESTREAM
Dazai:
dazai and ranpo suicide collab (method will shock you!)
(we are not hanging ourselves)
Ranpo:
dang what the freak. why not it seems fun
Dazai:
its not
Atushi:
um???
um?????
how do you know??????
Dazai:
from litterally one search on quora ๐·°(⋟﹏⋞)°·๐
Atushi:
PEOPLE ASK THAT SHIT ON THERE??
THATS CRAZY??
Yosano:
dude you can literally ask the people on quora anything
they will awnser no matter what
i bet you dazai has an account
Dazai:
i did...
Yosano:
LMAO NO WAY
Kunikida:
why past tense..
what quora trauma do you need to share..
this is a safe space....
Ranpo:
LMFSO STOP
Kunikida:
STOP ITS FUNNY
Dazai:
no quora trauma dw..
you can only ask so many questions before people start telling you you need help
Chuuya:
WHAT THE FUCK WHERE YOU ASKING??
Kyouka:
atsushi why arent you home yet.
Dazai:
dw about it...
Atsushi:
ill worry about it..
Kyouka:
ATSUSHI WHY ARENT YOU HOME YET??
Atsushi:
HOW ARE YOU HOME??
Kyouka:
mum picked me up.
literally where are you.
Chuuya:
hes sitting next to akutagawa on the bus
Kyouka:
WTH...
FAG.....
Atsushi:
i thought mum was working.
Kyouka:
she literally isnt.
you just want to sit next to the goth kid.
he told me to kms yk.
Yosano:
he tells everyone that
he told kenji that
Kenji:
he did do that.
Ranpo:
thats actually insane
how is he gonna say that shit to kenji of all people
Atsushi:
HES INSANE
THATS WHY
HES LITERALLY INSANE
IM SITTING NEXT TO HIM
Chuuya:
oh my god youve said that already
Atsushi:
AND HES LITERALLY PLAYING PJSK
HAVE I SAID THAT YET.
NO.
Yosano:
oh my god someone needs to put him down..
Ranpo:
give him the whole ass shot.
Atsushi:
NAH WTF
HE ISNT A DOG
Kyouka:
are you sure.
Atsushi:
shutup.
im litterally gonna od if you keep patronizing me
Yosano:
CRAZY
THATS CRAZY
Naomi:
bro didnt even ask the expert yet
@Dazai
Ranpo:
HOW DO YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO SAY THE MOST INSANE OUT OF POCKET SHIT???
"ask the expert" when atsushi says hes gonna overdose is crazy
Naomi:
did i lie?
Dazai:
shes not lying
atsushi dont try to od you dont even wanna know what its like showing up to school on the end of that
Chuuya:
oh yeah?
and how do you know?
Dazai:
because ive done it
many timed
like literally last week
Chuuya:
ARE YOU SRS???
DAZAI WHAT THE FUCK.
Dazai:
gang this gc atcually needs more ppl
Atsushi:
dazai are u good cause your spellings dropping off..
Ranpo:
real question should be "dazai are you good cause you just admitted to attempting suicide last week"
Atsush:
one thing at a time..
Chuuya:
OSAMU YOU BETTER NOT AVPID MY QUESTIONS YOU FAG.
WDYM YOU DID LAST WEEK
Dazai added Akutagawa, Sigma & 4 others
Yosano:
bro added his whole contact list..
Dazai:
if i did that there would be 146 people in here
(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Yosano:
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SRS??
THATS CRAZY
Atsushi:
WHY IS THAT GOTH FREAK HERE.
DAZAI, GO ATTEMPT AGAIN.
Dazai:
2night at 7pm with Ranpo on facebook live..
Ranpo:
yeah dont be late you fucking furry
Sigma:
what the fauckkkvv
i just got my phone back and this is what i see
Akutagawa:
phone back
Atsushu:
EWWWWWW
EWWWWWWWWW
Yosano:
shutup freak
Atsushi:
I AM NOT
THE FREAK HERE.
Sigma:
@Akutagawa i was in detention..
Akutagawa:
lmao
Atsushi:
ew why do you text so dry
Akutagawa:
im literally neurodivergent and a minor :/
what the freak did i do to you freak
Dazai:
LMAOO
atsushi is ableist?????
the shocking truth???
Atsushi:
NO IM NOT
Sigma:
it seems like you are
Atsushi:
oh yeah and why were you in detention.
Sigma:
me and teruko got into a fight..
Nikolai:
AGAIN??
LMFAO WHY
i hope you got a black eye ong
Yosano:
WTF YOU SCARED ME
DAZAI???
Dazai:
did you not read the notif
'dazai added sigma aku and four more'
DUMBASSS
Yosano:
WHO ELSE DID YOU ADD???
Dazai:
fyodor, nikolai, mushitaro, gin
but gins doing track rn and mushitaros phone died in last period when the teacher took it off him
Yosano:
are you stalking him??
cause wth
Dazai:
NO HES MY GEO PARTNER????
ARE YOU FUCKING DENSE??
Yosano:
a little
Atsushi:
whos gin
Akutagawa:
my sister
Atsushi:
WHAT
SINCE WHEN
Akutagawa:
shutup
Ranpo:
NAHH I LIKE THIS GUY
ATSUSHI WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN YAPPING ABOUT
Atsushi:
OH MY GAWED
Fyodor:
um
what the fuck
Dazai:
FEYDA HEYY HEY HEYYY HEYY
HEYYYYYYY
HEY FEYDA
YIPPPEPPEPEPEPPEPEPE
Fyodor:
oh hello zai
Nikolai:
HAI BFF
Fyodor:
hi..
im being bombarded by freaks
Dazai:
erm.
Fyodor:
not you....
Dazai:
YIPEPEPEP
Chuuya:
is this the russian?
i dont like you
Fyodor:
okay
Chuuya:
LORD NOBODY HERE IS INTRESTING ANYMIRE
Ranpo:
womp womp
Chuuya:
i cant wait for that livestream.
in suicide baiters
6:20pm
Mushitaro:
should this gc name concern me
Atsushi:
idk ask chuuya hes the reason behind it
@Chuuya
Chuuya:
SHUTUPPP
I BAIT ONE PERSON INTO A MENTAL HOSTPITAL AND SUDDENLY IM THE BAD GUY???
Kunikida:
YES.
YES YOU ARE.
Ranpo:
@Dazai its almost 7 are you ready for our stream
Dazai:
sowwy.... i have plans now....
mori wants me to cook dinner with him (ᗒᗜᗕ)՛̵̖
Q:
BOOOOOO
BOOO MORI
TOMATO TOMATO
Nikolai:
what did bro do to you..
Dazai:
took theyre ipad
thank god
bro was getting abit too skibidi even for me
Ranpo:
Dazai do you need me to come save you
so we can be on time for stream
gotta get those chat donations
Yosano:
facebook doesnt have those
Ranpo:
SRSLY????
Dazai:
no im actually having fun, i wont be done intime for stream chat..
i like when mori tries to make time to do things w/ me and Q (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)
my dad could never..
Atsushi:
isnt mori your dad??
Akutagawa:
adoptive dad
Chuuya:
his adoptive dad dumbass
Atsushi:
WHAT.
SINCE WHEN.
Yosano:
see atsushi this is what happens when you move schools halfway into senior year.
you dont know things.
Atsushi:
SHUTUP OMG
HOW DID I NOT KNOW DAZAI WAS AN ORPHAN
Naomi:
have you looked at him??
it should be obvious
Ranpo:
NAHHHH
Dazai:
what did i ever do to you.