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Siegfried searched high and low for the book that he was hoping would help with the simple request James had sent him. It had been a book his mother had once given Evelyn, one that he never took much interest in but now he needed to make sure he didn’t mess up James’s request.
“What are you doing?” Siegfried froze, on his hands and knees with heaps of books surrounding him he felt as if he had just been caught red handed. Audrey stood with her hands on her hips, a look of horror on her face; the reading den was a disaster zone. Getting to his feet Siegfried sheepishly brushed himself down, “I’m looking for a book.”
“I can see that much.” Audrey crossed her arms waiting for a further explanation. Siegfried sighed and pulled the letter from his pocket. “It’s from James.” coming to stand next to Audrey Siegfried passed her the letter and watched her as she read it. “I feel rather foolish that I don’t know what type of flowers a husband gives his wife, the woman he loves on valentine's day. It’s been so long and well Evelyn always told me what to buy. She always loved Lilac’s.”
“First love.” Audrey said as she placed her hand on his upper arm comfortingly, “Lilac’s mean first love.” Siegfried smiled to himself remembering his first love, he missed her but with time the memory of her became a comfort. This year, for the first time he wondered if he would be lucky enough to have another love, Evelyn would always be his first love but would she be his last as well? Sensing Siegfried was lost in his memories, Audrey tucked the letter into her pinny and left only to return with a slim, well worn book. “Here, I’m guessing this is what you were looking for.” Taking the book he opened the pages and ran his fingers over his mothers handwriting, ‘For you garden to bloom’. “Evelyn loved her garden. She was always out there making her own spot of heaven. Mother spent many of her final days sitting out there enjoying the colours and the fragrance.”
Audrey stepped a little closer, her hand taking his briefly. She couldn't always find the words to comfort Siegfried who had bottled up his grief so tightly but she found a simple touch conveyed what he needed to know; he wasn't alone.
“The book was on the ledge with the flowerpots. I kept it in my desk when I started, I wanted to keep the garden as best I could. I weren’t blessed with the green fingers Evelyn clearly was. I used to read it and try and see if there was a pattern to what was planted where.” Audrey smiled as she remembered her first chance of getting to spend time in the garden. She had started in the grey, bleak month of January. Everything was dark, cold, lack of life and that was just the house, as spring arrived and the house was no longer dark or cold she ventured into the garden and found it blooming and bringing life once again. She had pruned and cut flowers for the house, she would notice how Siegfried would rest his gaze on certain vases as he ate breakfast - sometimes a small smile would appear and those were the blooms she would try and have in the house as often as possible. The smiles grew over time and Audrey came to realise she looked forward to them.
“Your talents are endless Mrs Hall.” Siegfried smiled brightly, his gaze meeting hers causing a flutter to sweep through her heart. “Now, as you know my task please will you help?” Audrey chuckled at his pleading eyes, he was as bad as the dogs when they begged for scraps. “I’ve just put the kettle on, it was actually the reason I had come looking for you. I’ll help you on one condition?”
A broad smile broke across Siegfried’s face. “Anything.”
“You tidy these bloomin’ books away and I mean tidy not just throw them haphazardly on the shelves. You know full well Richard spent time organising them.” Audrey chastised him. “Fine, I will but tea and research first. Valentine's day is in two days and I would hate to get this wrong.”
“Your scared of James?” Audrey chuckled as they made their way to the kitchen.
“No, Helen!” Siegfried said seriously, making Audrey laugh loudly. A sound that Siegfried prided himself on, he would make a fool of himself countless times to just make her laugh.
Siegfried sighed at all the information he had just absorbed. Who knew there were such details about flowers and what it meant if you gave the wrong ones. He knew the basics, roses were normally for romance and lilies for death but he didn’t know Lilac’s were ‘First Love’ they were simply the ones Evelyn told him she loved the most. Now as they sat side by side with the book in front of them, a note pad full with meanings and an empty pot of tea he realised the world of flowers was a whole conversation. “I would suggest getting something simple for Helen.” Audrey said gently as she once again turned the pages of the book, thinking how wonderful it would be to get a bunch of flowers with such meanings. “She will be over the moon that James has gone to such efforts. Red carnations say ‘My heart aches for you’ and we know how separation affects the heart, roses are ‘True Love’, red tulips ‘Perfect Love’ so what a selection of those. I’m sure Mrs Staunton at the florist will be able to guide you if she doesn’t have these in. If all else fails, get something beautiful, Helen deserves that.”
“I have a note from James to go with it, it was tucked into the letter he sent me.” From the inside pocket of his jacket Siegfried pulled out a small envelope with the simple words ‘’My Love’ on the seal. “I just want to do everything I can.” Siegfried said in a small voice as he turned the envelope in his hands. Audrey took his hand and made him look at her. “I know and you are. By looking after Helen and Jimmy, by keeping the practice going day after day. You are making sure there is a world for James to come back to, a home.” Siegfried nodded in agreement, grateful for her kind words.
“Good. Now I would offer to come with you to the florist but I’ve got a WI meeting.” Audrey stood and started to clear away, standing quickly Siegfried shed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. “Here leave that, I'll get this tidied away and you go and decide how the ladies of Darrowby are going to single handedly end this blasted war.” He gave her a cheeky smile and a wink.
“Ridiculous creature.” she muttered as she took off her pinny and draped it over his head, her eyes sparkling with laughter. “Save your waistcoat, your last one took days to dry.” Audrey chuckled as she recalled Siegfried dropping a saucepan into the sink full of water, only last month, which led to a tidal wave drenching not only him but her clean kitchen floor. “That was one time!” he protested as she walked away with a wave. Siegfried shook his head in amusement as he tied the pinny round his waist and then paused, turning he picked up the book again and made notes of some more flowers he wanted to purchase. Slipping the note into his pocket with a satisfied smile he made his way through the dishes thinking of how things had changed for the better in recent months. It had been fifty days since he found her ring by the sink. Fifty days since Audrey Hall was no longer attached, no longer holding onto the past. Fifty days since Audrey Hall was completely free and yet she chose to stay. Siegfried had expected that once Helen had settled into motherhood Audrey would turn around and inform him she was leaving to go join Gerald in the Lakes but it never came. She stayed. Not only did she stay but she smiled more, laughed more, glowed more. They spent more time together with their word game, or him helping in the kitchen with the dishes. Evenings spent listening to music or reading together, nights in their roles as aunt and uncle cooing over young Herriott as Helen rested. It hit him - they were the old married couple he always saw in his future when he was a young man. The future we thought he could never have when his first love left this world but he had it without even realising it. It was perfect. Well almost perfect.
Valentine’s day
Audrey smiled as she greeted Jess and Dash first thing in the morning as usual. Pausing, Audrey smiled at the beautiful bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table with James’s note leaning against the vase she had dug out for Siegfried the night before. He had asked her to leave it somewhere for him to take to the outhouse where he was hiding the bouquet; he had been adamant at not spoiling the surprise. Letting the dogs out for their morning business Audrey swanned back into the kitchen with a plan of a cooked breakfast after a very grateful patient had paid with both sausages and fresh eggs. Going to get her pinny from its hook Audrey noticed another smaller bouquet on her desk. Well two bouquet’s actually each in mismatching vases she recognised from the upstairs rooms. The smaller vase was crammed full with yellow roses and the other larger vase was filled perfectly with the brightest daisies she had seen. A note laying between the vases on top of the book of flowers they had poured over just two days ago.
My dear,
As you know I’m not very good at expressing my feelings and as a wise man once said… so I wrote them down. In front of you are two different flowers, each with a specific meaning. The yellow roses are a symbol of friendship, something I hope you agree that we have shared deeply for many years. The other, well the daisies state ‘I love you, truly’ and I do. I respect you too much to say this to you in person and put you in an awkward position, or perhaps it’s because I’m a coward - you know me my dear, you decide. Our lives have changed so much over the last year and I know the years to come will be just as uncertain but I hope to face them with you by my side. However I want you to pick if that is as friends or as something more.
If the roses sit on the kitchen table when we first cross paths then Mrs Hall please know you are my dearest friend, however if I’m lucky enough for you to pick the daisies then Audrey, know I will give you my heart, my life, all my love for the rest of our lives.
Yours truly,
Siegfried Farnon
Audrey read the note twice more and each time her heartbeat faster as tears filled her eyes. Picking up the book she found the flowers and read their description ‘ Daisies ; joy, new beginnings’. Ausmil's head spun, to know she was his dearest friend was a gift but to know he loved her was as if she had been kissed by an angel in her sleep and woken to the life she had always wanted. A life full of family, happiness, love, joy and a man by her side who stood next to her as her equal, to share all life’s joys and strife with her. Hearing footsteps Audrey quickly picked the daisies and sat them in the middle of the table. The roses she moved to sit on the windowsill in the corner brightening the room with the friendship they had shared for years. A friendship that was the core of their future relationship.
“Morning Aud, their lovely flowers. Who are they for?”
Turning she smiled at Helen and baby Jimmy, a little disappointed that it wasn't the man who had just beamed his heart in the most wonderful way but shaking the thought Audrey smiled brightly and moved over stole baby Jimmy from his mother's arms. “Why don’t you read the note and find out.” Helen smiled cautiously as her heart skipped a beat seeing James’s familiar scrawl. Just as Helen read the note Siegfried appeared, he couldn’t see the table just the back of both Helen and Audrey. “Morning” he said carefully knowing that his future rested in a vase behind the two figures. Turning Helen showed her face full of tears before she rushed to him and hugged him tightly, Siegfried froze before hugging her back feeling for a moment what it must be like to be a parent. “Thank you Siegfried, thank you.” Helen kissed his cheek before pulling out her hanky and drying her tears with a beaming smile on her face. “He said he is going to try and call today.” Turning back to the flowers she picked them up and announced that they would brighten up the bedsit and was going to put them by her bed. Absorbed by the flowers and note Helen left her dozing babe in the arms of his honorary aunt and was gone. Audrey wiped away her own happy tears before she met Siegfried’s gaze. Siegfried still couldn’t see which vase she had picked, his heart hammered in his chest as slowly stepped forward.
“Good morning.”
Stepping to one side Audrey’s smile grew once more, “Good morning, Siegfried.” Her voice was quiet and nervous but her eyes bright and joyful. She spotted the moment Siegfried’s eyes rested on the daisies, his whole face changed to an expression she had never seen. Love. The look of love. Pure love that somehow swelled her heart to a size it never knew. “Are you sure?” he asked, shocked at her decision, causing her to laugh. “Yes, Siegfried I’m sure.” Audrey moved forward to meet him. Realising she couldn’t do much with her arms full of the precious child she carefully laid Jimmy in the spare crib that was constantly moving round the downstairs of Skeldale and made her way back to stand in front of the man she loved.
“Thank you for my flowers, for both of them.” Siegfried smiled, overwhelmed with his emotions he didn't dare to move for fear he would awake from this dream. It had to be her decision to what happened next. Realising he was giving her all the space to take whatever steps she wanted, Audrey reached out and took his hands. Siegfried felt a wave of relief once her hands held his and his held hers back. His fingers entwined with hers, threaded together so perfectly as if they were made for this solo purpose. “I never knew you felt this way and to be honest with you I don’t think I ever allowed myself to realise I felt the same, until now. You saved me all those years ago, Siegfried. Gave me a home, a job, a purpose in life again. Made me feel like I was worth something. Then you became my friend and we’ve had a strong relationship despite so many things. Last year you were my rock without me even realising it. I could never have gone through my divorce if you hadn’t supported me, forced me to write it down. Wise man indeed.” She chuckled, as she watched waves of emotion roll the deep waters of his soul. His thumb ran over he knuckles again and again as if learning every dip and scar. “Then when I nearly left, well now I see you kept me at arms length to not only to not influence my decision but to protect your heart and I am so deeply sorry I ever hurt you Siegfried.” Siegfried lifted her left hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles as a way to ease her anguish. “Everything happened and I stayed, I knew where I belonged. Then on Christmas day I took my ring off feeling safe and free and ever so happy that I was in a home with my family and my future was here. Now.” Audrey blew out a large puff of air with a smile, her heart so full that her lungs had less space and she couldn’t be happier “Now Siegfried, you have given me the greatest gift, your heart.” Taking her hand from his she rested her open palm on his chest feeling the beating heart rageing like a storm. Her gaze stayed on her hand as she spoke “I vow to protect it, cherish it, love it and you until there is no breath left in my body.” lifting her head when Siegfried did not react she added “If you wish.” as she started to remove her hand.
Grasping her hand and holding it to his chest Siegfried spoke quickly. “I love you Audrey. I never thought I could love again, never thought my heart would heal but it did. It did because you healed it, cared for it and stood strong when it stumbled. Now, my love, it is yours, now and forever more.” Getting down on one knee Siegfried pulled a small box from his pocket, “I bought this yesterday when I picked up the flowers. Seeing the daisies in my hand gave me so much hope that we would be here like this. That you would pick me. pick us. So Audrey Hall, will you be my valentines for the rest of our lives? Will you give me the honour of becoming your husband?”
Audrey’s emotions stole her power of speech so with tears breaking free she reached down and cupped his face and kissed him tenderly. “I’ll take that as a yes.” he whispered against her lips. Feeling her nod he stood taking her left hand and slowly slipped on the slim simple band that held a sparkling sapphire, raising it to his lips he kissed it before pulling her into his arms. “Happy Valentine’s day my darling.” Audrey laughed freely, in the way that made Siegfried’s heart sing. Leaning out but still in each other's arms they took a moment to take it all in. Siegfried gently brushed the traces of tears from h
Audrey's blushing cheeks as Audrey ran her finger tips over his soft beard. Each taking the moment to see the person in front of them in a whole new light, a wonderful new light.
Siegfried cupped Audrey’s cheek and brushed his thumb across her lips, “May I kiss my fiancee?” his voice was low, quiet, full of wonder and joy and so much love. “You don’t need to ask, Siegfried. I’m yours as you are mine.” Audrey’s smile was quickly covered by equally smiling lips that kissed her with passion she hadn’t felt in so long that she wrapped her arms around Siegfried’s neck to stop herself crumbling. She held him close quietly begging for him to continue the kiss till the need for air came too much. And he would have done if a small gurgle didn’t break them apart. With his hands on her waist Siegfried laughed “I believe young Jimmy is happy for us.”
“I’m happy for us.” Audrey beamed, giving him a quick kiss she reluctantly left Siegfried’s warm embrace “Why don’t you get Jimmy while I start on the breakfast.” capturing her hand as she started to walk away Siegfried spun her back making her laugh and stole another kiss before he did as he was told. Rocking Jimmy as he walked around the kitchen he spotted the yellow roses by the window, “Audrey, I need you to know that if you had picked the roses I would have been happy. Your friendship has meant everything to me over the years.”
“I know Siegfried.” Audrey came to stand by his side, “You gave me a choice not an ultimatum, space and freedom. Things I haven’t always had , just another reason why I suddenly knew that I love you. I pick you. I pick us.”
She kissed him gently before turning back to her task as if it was a normal day and it was in so many ways but it had forever changed them both in the most wonderful way.
Six weeks later Audrey walked by Siegfried’s side hand in hand with a bouquet of daisies in her free hand as they returned home for the first time as Mr and Mrs Farnon.