Work Text:
Jack felt like he was underwater. Everything was dark and cold. Sounds came to him muffled, as if cotton filled his ears. He felt unstable and dizzy, like he was standing on a boat being rocked by the waves of a stormy sea. Except he was actually lying on his back. He could feel the cold hard floor dig into his shoulder blades. His arms and legs felt like they were being weighed down. He had no strength to lift them, couldn’t even make his fingers twitch. His chest felt tight and painful. He couldn’t take a breath without feeling like he was being stabbed.
He couldn’t understand what was happening. Had he been shot? He didn’t think he was on a mission. They were on stand down, weren’t they? Why was his brain so foggy? It was making it impossible to think. Maybe he’d been drugged and kidnapped again. That was possible. Did they torture him for some sort of intel? Is that why his chest hurt? Had they been stabbing him repeatedly or something?
“Jack, please!” That was Mac. He could recognize that voice anywhere. But why did he sound like that? Was Jack dying? That would explain a lot if he was, to be honest. Except, for some reason, it didn’t feel like he was. He felt like absolute shit, the worst he’d ever felt ever ; and that’s saying something. But god only knows why he didn’t think he was dying.
“Jack! Please! Please wake up.” Mac. That was Mac. Again. He sounded like he was crying. But why? Jack couldn’t understand. What was happening? The last thing he remembered was driving up to his mountain cabin. Team two was on rotation, and they had two weeks off. He’d wanted time alone, away from everyone. Everyone, including Mac. But why? And if he went to the cabin to be alone, why was Mac here now? He should just ask Mac. He’s right there. But he couldn’t. The moment he tried to open his mouth, his body condensed into a ball of pain centered on his chest. It felt like someone was twisting a knife in his chest. He couldn’t even take a breath now.
“Jack!” Still Mac. His Mac. He sounds panicked now. His strong and unflappable Mac is panicking. Why? Maybe he was really dying. But fuck, this was a terrible way to go. He couldn’t even open his eyes to take a look at Mac one last time; couldn’t even utter a single word goodbye. He had so many things to tell him that he’d put off, because he thought he had time to tell him later. But he guessed later wasn’t happening; at least not for him.
“No no no! Jack! Stay with me!” Jack wished he could answer Mac. He didn’t want to leave him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life by Mac’s side, but his body seemed to have other ideas. That last round of chest stabbing seemed to have drained him of all his strength. Everything was murkier now, like he was about to lose this last bit of consciousness he had. How did he even end up like this? He still wanted the answer, but he wasn’t so sure he’d get it.
“I’m so so sorry. I didn’t know! I’ve been so stupid!” Mac. He was really crying now. Jack knew he’d die sooner rather than later; but he hoped Mac would never have to bear witness to his death. Mac didn’t need that memory etched into his brain. But when has the universe ever been that kind to Jack? Of course that single fervent wish wouldn’t be granted. That was just the kind of luck he had, really. Jack wanted to open his eyes, wanted so badly to see Mac’s face one last time. He wished he could at least lift his arm so he could wipe the tears away; but the moment he so much as even thought about moving, his world narrowed down to the stabbing and burning pain in his chest. He thinks he’s having a seizure, but he’s not quite sure. He was drowning; he was trying to breathe but all he could take in was liquid that was thick and warm. Was that blood? Was he drowning in his own blood?
“Jack! I’ll say it again, okay! I love you! I’ve loved you forever! And I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid! But I know now, okay? I love you, and I’ll say it again and again and again! Just please stay with me!” Mac. He was outright sobbing now, and the words were tumbling out of his mouth like he was desperate for Jack to hear them. As if hearing them will save Jack’s life. Save Jack’s life!
It was as if that last thought shone a bright light into Jack’s brain. He was dying. He’d come to the cabin to be alone when the time came. He’d sat and slept on the stone floor, because he didn’t want to stain anything with his blood. The stone floor would be easy to clean up.
I’m afraid it’s terminal. If you don’t do the surgery, then it’s just a matter of time. But surgery was never an option for Jack. He’d much rather die than never hold Mac in his heart ever again. He thanked the doctor sincerely, walked away from his clinic, and never looked back. That was a year ago.
Will you please reconsider the surgery, Jack? Please. It was the first time he saw Riley cry. He was sitting helplessly as she cleaned up the blood-tinged petals scattered all over his bathroom floor. They had an unspoken agreement to not talk about it after she’d accidentally walked in on him coughing up petals in his kitchen sink. But he’d guessed this was the last straw. Once he’d caught his breath and regained some strength in his limbs, he had gathered her up in his arms and delivered his best and his worst lie yet. It’s alright; he promises to reconsider the surgery. Riley can stop crying. Still, the fact remained: surgery was never an option. This was six months ago.
I understand. I guess even in death I’m still cleaning up after your mess. That she could joke about it was a testament to both Mattie’s strength and to how much she knew and understood Jack. She was a good boss and an amazing friend. Jack hated asking her to clean the cabin after he died, but there was no one else to ask. Mattie never asked him questions and never asked him about getting the surgery. She hugged him, and cried on his shoulder. Jack hated that he made her cry, but he very much appreciated her quiet strength. It was the only thing he could lean on. This was two months ago.
And now he was here. In the cabin he thought he’d die in. Except he wasn’t going to die, because Mac was here. And Mac loved him. They’ve both been so stupid.
“Jack, please, I’m begging you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” Mac. Don’t cry. It’s okay, sweetheart.
Jack hadn’t realized Mac was rocking back and forth until he suddenly stopped. The room slowly swam into focus as he blinked himself back to consciousness. Mac’s blonde hair framed his face on both sides, the light from the window glinting off of the locks making it look like he had jewels in his hair. Mac looked shocked. His eyes were red and puffy, and tears were streaming down his cheeks. But there was a shaky smile on his face. Jack ever so slowly lifted his hand and wiped the tears with his thumb.
“Mac, sweetheart. It’s okay, I’m here.” His throat hurt like hell and his voice was horribly hoarse, but he’d needed Mac to know that. He wanted to say more, but darkness took him again.
Jack felt like he was underwater. It gave him a weird sense of deja vu. Sounds were still muffled, as if wool had been stuffed in his ears; but he was warm and strangely comfortable. His entire body ached, and there was still some pain in his chest; but his breaths came easily. Unlike earlier, his limbs all felt too light, like they were filled with air instead of bone and muscle. It was a bit difficult to move them, but the important thing was that he could. He slowly swam back into consciousness, his eyes sluggish. He stared at the ceiling until it came into focus, and he became aware of a warm weight on his right arm and plastered along his entire right side. He turned his head to see a peacefully sleeping Mac using his arm as a pillow, his arm slung over Jack’s chest.
Jack smiled softly and leaned forward to kiss Mac’s forehead. Mac slowly opened his eyes, and returned Jack’s smile shakily. Jack gently placed his hand on Mac’s cheek.
“We’ve both been stupid, huh?” he chuckled quietly. He rubbed Mac’s cheek with his thumb. Mac looked equal parts happy, afraid, and anxious. It was understandable. Jack could only imagine what Mac had witnessed, what he’d had to clean up after Jack lost consciousness again.
“It’s okay now, sweetheart. I’m here.” Jack tucked Mac’s hair behind his ear. “I love you too.”