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Bam had never particularly liked kitchen work. Due to his foster father’s lack of taste due to years of smoking, Hansung’s tendency to just serve instant food and Evankhell’s habit on forgetting anything near a stove, it had been a necessity for him to learn to cook. Their local fire department still sends annual congratulation letters for them not having to slack a fire at their place for another year.
He likes seeing people happy while eating his dishes. The process of preparing, though? He sure would love to skip that sometimes, thank you very much. But occasionally he finds himself enjoying certain steps of following a recipe. And today he finds it very calming to just slowly stir the small chunks of chocolate slowly melting into a rich brown liquid.
“Goseng, could you hand me the kitchen thermometer please?” He turns around to his friend, and the sounds of her cutting some pf their next needed ingredients stop.
“S-sure!” She hands it to him, and the chopping sounds soon continue.
Bam smiles to himself. Goseng is a sweet young woman. Often shy and quiet but she’s good at caring for others and without her, he’d have a lot more trouble with any kind of conflict within their friend group.
He watches the numbers rise after he dips the thermometer within the chocolate and when it shows the needed temperature, he takes the bowl from the water bath, dries his hands, and joins Goseng at the kitchen table.
“Have you cut the marzipan yet?” He asks before he spots the unopened packaging.
“No.” Goseng shakes her head. “I’m sorry but I forgot what you planned to do with it, so I just cut the nuts and sorted a few more sprinkles.” She lowers her gaze and stares to her cutting board with small piles of decorations carefully separated.
Bam smiles and opens the marzipan. He takes a hesitant sniff and makes a face. “Uhm, I hope it’s supposed to smell like that” He holds it out to Goseng and sees her flinch back for a second.
“It’s – it’s not that bad.” She takes another sniff. “Just nothing I remember smelling before.” Her voice is timid. She takes out a small corner from the malleable block and rolls it between her fingers.
“It’s a bit sticky.” Bam has the urge to watch his hands after laying it back down. He takes a bit of the mass for himself to taste.
“I thought it would be sweeter.”
“That’s perfect!” He grins at her and looks at the temperature again. “Can you cut it in little dices? About the size of half of your fingertip?”
“Yes sure!”
Bam returns to the stove again, preparing for reheating the chocolate. Next step would be moulding the shells. The part where most things could go wrong. He takes a breath and readies himself.
It’s late in the evening and there are still three dozen chocolates to decorate. Goseng is slow to place colourful sprinkles and nuts onto chocolate hearts but it’s heartwarming how much care she puts in every little piece of their creation.
“How did you two accidently made so many of them?” Ehwa bites her lip as she applies some leftover chocolate on some of the sweets with an improvised decorating bag.
“I-I don’t know. The recipes said it would be fewer!”
“It’s nice to have some variation in taste when receiving chocolates! You can give the ones you helped us decorating to someone special tomorrow if you like.” Bam gives Ehwa a friendly nod but turns to yet another couple of marzipan chocolates to give them a cute nut topping so he misses her cheeks inevitable blushing.
Goseng smiles at her roommate, and they continue to decorate the last few pieces in silence.
“I hope he’ll like them.” Goseng whispers when she stares at the chocolate box filled with their handmade sweets. They rest in white and pale pink liners and Goseng’s decorations make them look like ones made by professionals.
“They’re so pretty!” Ehwa claps her hands in front of her mouth. “You’re amazing, Goseng. Horyang is a fool if he doesn’t instantly propose to you!”
Goseng giggles while staring at her present for Valentine’s. she closes the lid and wraps a ribbon around the box. “I’d be more than happy if he agrees to us dating first.” While Bam and Ehwa still pack more boxes, she scurries to her room.
“I’m happy for them. If just any love could be as sweetly reciprocated as theirs.” Ehwa sighs and closes a small box of her own. Her gaze wanders to the clock, and she sighs again.
Bam looks down at the presents he made for himself. The small bags for his dad, Hansung and Evankhell look a lot less impressive than Goseng’s little box. Hansung is a prick who doesn’t deserve better and for a moment he considers just giving Evankhell his share. Are they even celebrating Valentine’s Day and White Day? He had never seen them exchanging presents or acting different on these days in the previous years at all. “It’s nice to see our friends falling for each other. I hope they’ll have a long and healthy relationship!”
His gaze wanders to the only box he had packed for somebody else than a family member. It’s only the marzipan cubes. Bam thinks they are edible, but he doesn’t really like them. He gnaws at his lower lip and can’t help of wondering what would happen if the one he made them for won’t eat them as well.
Ehwa hums as an answer and Goseng is back already. There are so many chocolates, that Bam even gets some for Rak and Yuri and Ehwa and Goseng decide to gift some for their other friends too.
As Bam puts on his shoes, Goseng waits with him. “Thank you for helping me today.” She smiles and hands him the box with his presents. “I know it’s unusual for men to gift something of February 14th.”
“I liked making chocolate a lot! It took longer than expected, but we’ll know better for the next time!”
“Ah, yes! I would be happy to make chocolate together again sometime!” She nods at him. “This is a little thank you for your help! Happy Valentine’s Day.” She gently places one of Bam’s favourite chocolate bars on top of the other bags.
“Thanks” He grins at her. “I wish you the best of luck for tomorrow. Or wait-“ he takes a quick look on his phone “today actually. When you see Ehwa before heading to bed, can you tell her good night from me?”
Goseng nods and it makes Bam feel warm that she looks so happy like this. Anything related to Horyang has this effect on her and she seems to bloom out of her shell of shyness whenever she talks about him. Even though both are – at least according to Wangnan – little disasters of social interaction when together.
He hears the door of their apartment close behind them and it has something calm stepping out into the chilly winter air. The leftovers from the last snowfall are still piled up on the edges of the sidewalk but it’s not slippery anymore.
“Viole, wait!” A voice is interrupting his walk, and he turns around. Ehwa, with her coat still open and without a scarf is running after him. She pants heavily when she gets to him, her cheeks visibly flushed from the cold.
“Did I forget something? You should hurry back inside” Bam gives her a worried look before pressing the carried box in her hands and unwrapping his own scarf. She studders a few words when he wraps it around her to protect her from the cold.
“I-I-“ She shakes her head and lifts the box back on his arms. “It’s after midnight. And I know your answer, so you won’t have to say it but initially I bought this for you and now you can have this as well, even if you and Goseng did much more to make them than me. But-“ She holds out two boxes of chocolates for Bam. One of those the just prepared together and one of an expensive chocolate brand with connections to her family background. “But I thought I should at least try this. With this I confess to you. I like you, Viole. Sometimes a lot. But I know your heart already belongs to somebody else, so I gracefully accept your rejection.”
Bam stares at her flushed face half hidden by the scarf. He thinks that she looks beautiful and cute like this, and he hopes that his words won’t hurt her too badly, even though she has prepared herself for this outcome. It’s kind of weird that he’s just as surprised from her sudden confession as he is not.
He had noticed her behaving different around him than around the others after all. But whenever he saw her with Wangnan, he got those – in Isu’s words - married couple-vibes, so he thought that he was imagining things.
“You’re kind, Ehwa. Thank you. I appreciate your feelings even though I’m unable to return them. I’ll accept your gifts as friendship chocolate and gift you something in return on White Day as friendship gift.” Bam feels compassion for her as he hears her taking a sharp breath, but he’s relieved when she makes a stern face and shakes her cold hands.
“This was surprisingly not as bad as I thought! Thanks for listening to me!” She makes up a smile. It appears forced but at least not painful. “We can absolutely still be friends from now on if you never tell Wangnan, that stupid idiot. He would never let this fall. I’ll give my best to get over it!”
“I won’t say a word.” Bam nods in honesty. “I hope you’ll find someone else who can accept your feelings, too. Get back home safely!” He smiles and they wave each other off.
His dad’s house is not too far away from Goseng’s and Ehwa’s place, but his mind still wonders off, wondering about Ehwa’s feelings after this and to how he himself will take it should he be rejected tomorrow. Or better, should he be rejected today.
But to be rejected, he would need to get up the courage to hand over his chocolate in the first place.
Bam is lucky their first lecture is just after lunch. He woke up later than usual, not even meeting his father this morning and he had simply given Evankhell both their presents to avoid Hansung’s annoying remarks.
He still feels late and unprepared, his hair is messier than he would have wanted it to be, and he feels like there’s surely a crumb of his late breakfast left over somewhere on his hoodie. At least the small box of chocolate for the one he has had a secret crush on for years now is securely stored in his bag.
The planned to meet up in one of the cafeterias on campus and Bam gets to his university group of friends a little too late. “I’m sorry. I’ve overslept a bit today.” He scratches at his neck, and takes his seat next to Khun, his heartbeat still racing from running half of the way from home.
“No worries, buddy! You only missed a few girls from maths asking for you.” Shibisu grins at him but his expression falters for a moment before his eyes shoot to Endorsi.
“Yeah, we all know. This is my chocolate for you, Bam! Don’t get me wrong, I was just remembered of you when walking by the display.” She gives him a winning smile and puts a small box in front of Bam. “You’re a dog person, right? And I recalled you mentioning that raspberries are something you liked, so I just could not leave it there.”
“You could’ve gotten something for us as well!” Shibisu pouts into his hand. “Not everyone is as popular as Bam. We need some attention on Valentine’s Day, too!”
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t even like you as much. Ask Anak if you want something next year.”
“As if!” Anak hid behind her thermal mug. “I don’t have enough money to pour it down the drain liken this.”
“You once thought he was attractive.” It’s the first time Khun has spoken since Bam arrived and Bam cannot help but notice that he’s sitting next to him, and that Khun can watch him all the time.
While his friends still argue about Valentine’s gifts, Bam remembers to thank Endorsi properly. She hasn’t confessed to him, but they have been on a date once with Endorsi mentioning her interest in a relationship. He knows of her feelings, and he cannot deny that for a brief time he had imagined going out with her to get over to one he actually liked. They get along very well and even though Endorsi tends to be a bit bossy at times, she’s fun to be with and has not the childhood friend connection he shares with Ehwa.
He concluded that it would not be fair to Endorsi at all and now after more than two years of studying, Bam was sure that it wasn’t a fleeting crush anymore. Especially if it was this hard to think about a possible rejection.
A girl Bam only knows from a first aid class he visited half a year ago turns up and gives him some cookies. He doesn’t remember her name but thanks her nonetheless with gratitude. Bam has figured he’s liked by a lot of people ever since high school. Mostly because of his looks and socializing skills and he remembers to appreciate everyone’s feelings because confessing them takes courage, no matter how shallow they are.
“You sure are popular.” Khun’s smooth voice makes Bam forget about cookies and confessions and encourages his heart to beat faster again.
Bam glances at his best friend he has had a crush on since they’ve first met. Khun is teasing him, and Bam is glad they are seated. That confident little smirk is a sight Bam can never get enough of.
“You’re the one to talk, Khun. I’m sure you would end up with just as much or even more chocolate if you wouldn’t turn anyone down the second, they speak to you on Valentine’s!”
“I prefer it that way. I don’t like sweets anyway.” His dark blue eyes carry an amusing glint and Bam enjoys the moments that he has Khun’s full attention. It’s not that those are rare, but they make his stomach flutter nonetheless. Even after two years.
Bam thinks about the box in his bag, thinks about taking them out and handing them to Khun just at this moment, maybe covering it as some kind of joke. But his mouth opens and Isu interrupts him by loudly announcing that they have to hurry as the next lectures are starting soon.
Bam and Khun only share the second lecture Bam has today. He doesn’t manage to give him the chocolates after lunch, and he misses his chance to gift them before their lesson starts. The worst thing is, Khun has noticed that something is off.
Bam can’t help himself being tense and unable to relax himself. He has flinched quite a few times when Khun whispers something to him during the lecture or when their knees touch. It’s a way of Khun supporting Bam and Bam knows this. But ironically it just makes it harder to listen to their professor as he explains something about a theory Bam had never encountered before.
“Wanna go grab something for dinner?” Khun casually asks when they pack their stuff after the lesson ends. “Or did you get yourself a date for today.”
Bam feels his cheeks heating up and he immediately shakes his head. “No! I mean no, I don’t have a date yet. I’d like to eat somewhere with you!” Bam has the urge to keep their conversation going so he can take a break from thinking about giving his friend the chocolate. “I’ve helped Goseng with making chocolate yesterday. I told you about her an Horyang, didn’t I? I hope everything goes well for her. Anyway, we ended up with much more chocolates than initially planned so I ended up giving some to my dad, Hansung and Evankhell. I’d rather not meet them soon because I just know what the coffee freak will have to say about this.”
Khun chuckles and Bam get giddy at hearing him like this. Just like Goseng Khun is very private with his feelings. Bam has the privilege of Khun considering him as his best friend, and that Khun feels comfortable enough to lower his walls around him. His family had been extremely strict, teaching Khun how to control your emotions in public so he’d meet their expectations. And Bam really likes that cool side of Khun, when he argues something into a corner, when he has the upper hand in a bargain or just seems to keep his calm however bad the news might be. But Khun’s true self, Bam loves the most. It makes him so much more beautiful.
“I’m surprised you didn’t skip him. After everything he made you go through.”
“He was a strict teacher, and he clearly sucks at talking t kids. But he still took part in my upbringing, and I have to honour that.”
“You’re too kind, Bam. If you ever need help at disliking him in your place, I’m free whenever you ask!”
Bam almost forgot how easy it is for them to talk about just anything. After they decide on the ramen restaurant near campus at this has not much romantic flair for potential dates on Valentine’s Day, he tells Khun about the right tempering for making chocolates and about the mess it is to make chocolate shells. Khun likes to add trivial things he once has read about or seen in a documentary and Bam is amazed that he even knows some facts about chocolate as a person who doesn’t eat sweets.
The closer they get to the restaurant, the sillier Bam feels, the little box in his back still tugging at his mind. “Hey Khun,” he suddenly stops, the shop windows of their destination already in sight.
Khun halts his steps too. “What’s wrong, bam?” He turns to Bam, clearly waiting.
“I uhm-“ Bam takes off his bag, opens it and his hand begins to search for the carefully wrapped box inside. “I know you don’t really like sweet things, but I actually, brought some for you too.” He finds it and takes it out, watching Khun’s eyes slightly widening before he blinks a few times. “The almond filling I mentioned, I only bought it so I could make something you might enjoy. It’s less sweet and I actually didn’t like it that much, so I understand if you don’t like them.”
Khun stares at Bam’s outstretched hand, his own finger twitching at his sides. “You made some chocolates for me?” His voice wavers, as if Khun’s not sure if these are the right words to say.
Bam hesitantly nods. “I didn’t only want to give some to my family.”
His best friend’s gaze still lingers on Bam’s arm before he finally takes the box. Their fingers brush and Bam could swear an eternity is passing before his gift made with many thoughts and emotions of his own finally gets accepted.
“They are not wrapped in a plastic bag like your family’s.”
“They aren’t.” Bam bites his lip. He just has to say a few more words. Khun cannot read his mind, cannot magically know about his feelings, but it’s so difficult to say them. “Depending on how well our studies go and if we will continue them or not, this is our last year in university together. I wanted to gift you something for Valentine’s at least once.” He says something else instead and he’s not even sure Khun could hear the end of his muttering.
Bam watches Khun unwrapping the ribbon from the box, and he waits for him, studying his expression grow fond as he looks at the small pieces of dark chocolate with small pieces of nuts on top.
When Khun presses the opened box back into Bam’s hand, Bam’s heart stumbles and he prepares himself for whatever Khun has to say to this confession that Bam had not clearly expressed as such. Khun takes of a glove, gives Bam a smile and takes one of the sweets, leaving Bam with an anticipatory inhale.
“You really don’t need to taste them now!”
“I do.” Khun’s lips twitch before he takes the chocolate between his teeth. He slowly chews and Bam can watch his eyelids flutter for a moment before Khun’s Adam’s apple visibly bobs.
The heart in Bam’s chest is pattering wildly when his friend opens his beautiful blue eyes again and gives him the flirtiest grin Bam had seen on his angelic face. “You got the perfect crunch for them. And they aren’t too sweet. I like them. Very much actually.” He leans in, his voice barely more than a low whisper but it’s so so clear within Bam’s head. “But not as much as I like you. Better not make any plans for White Day, Bam. I’ll think of some way to thank you for this.”
As Bam has trouble to breath in enough oxygen for all the butterflies exploding in his chest, Khun takes a step back and carefully takes the box from Bam’s hands to close it again. Bam feels cold fingers wrap around his and Khun pulls him towards the restaurant.