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[ SCENE : they just defeated Chuck and now Jack is saying goodbye]
“I won’t be hands-on,” Jack states with a genuine smile on his face. “Chuck put himself in the story. That was his mistake. But I learned from you, and my mother, and Castiel that… when people have to be their best… they can be.”
Dean’s face drops at those words. No, this isn’t right, they just got their freedom, they can do whatever they want now! The kid is literally the most powerful being in the world! He has brought everyone back to their place, he’s set the world right!
And… and he doesn’t want to come home. Dean’s almost in tears and Sam isn’t doing any better.
“Well… I’m really as close as this,” Jack puts his hand to his chest, then waves at the two brothers. “Goodbye,” Jack turns around, stepping away from them.
No, Dean can’t go through this again! He can’t lose someone else, not now, not today. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he’s cried too many times rewatching the footage of the torture room. Where’s his say in all of this? He can’t just leave it like this!
“Wait!” Dean runs up to Jack, mind going into overdrive. He hasn’t been the best parental figure to the kid, but he needs– no, has to ask for one last thing. Be selfish one last time. “What about…?” but Dean’s words die in his throat.
But Jack turns around and smiles at him, his usual genuine smile, already knowing what he’s about to say. “Don’t worry, Dean. He ’ll be back.” And that’s the last thing Jack says before disappearing.
Dean doesn’t have much time to react, but as the information sinks in, his expression softens. A small smile starts forming on his face. He’s going to see the angel again.
**
However, it took only a hot minute for Dean to realise what that actually meant. The enthusiasm has settled in too fast to realise he had to… talk to him. What will he tell Cas the next time he sees him?
And as he knows to do best, Dean pushed it aside. It was something to be dealt with after he hugged his brother to accept their win, after settling back into the bunker, after getting back to their previous hunter life…
“Dean, hey, you with me?” Sam’s concerned voice brings Dean back to reality. “Is there something wrong?”
He looks at his brother across the table. Right, they were in the bunker, doing research for a case they were working on.
Too many thoughts inside Dean’s head for him to start, so he answers with a loud sigh. “Yeah, I’m good, let’s get back to this.” Dean tries to look focused as he pretends to read the next line in the book.
Because what better distraction one could have than sink into the only job they’ve known their entire lives? Especially because they don’t have to worry about one evil being controlling them like puppets anymore.
“You know…” Sam puts the laptop aside. “We can’t keep doing this for the rest of our lives.”
Dean looks up at him through furrowed brows, not moving his head. “What?”
Sam sighs, looking down. “Me and Eileen... we were thinking of starting a family.” Sam smiles at the statement and Dean can’t blame him.
He’s happy for Sam. He really is! He’s got Eileen back, they’re building something together. And Sam finally deserves some happiness, they all do. Though his instinct is to protest. “What about the job?”
“Dean… there’s always gonna be a job. We need to let the younger hunters take the lead. We can’t do this until the day we die.”
‘If that’s the life, so be it!’ Dean wants to say. But he puffs. Because he knows Sam’s right.
Dean really can’t blame him for wanting to retire. Not anymore. He’s done that too many times to his little brother. But now that nothing else will threaten them, it does feel like the right thing to do.
But Sam does have Eilleen. What… who does Dean have?
“Dean…”
“What is it, Sammy?”
Sam is about to say something but he stops. Silence is too deafening and Dean’s mind keeps spiraling.
Dean looks back at Sam, gulping. “What will I tell him, Sam?” he finds his mouth wording before having too much time to think about the implications of the question.
His little brother looks at him, confused with a frown. “Huh? What do you mean? To whom?”
But Dean doesn’t hear him, his mind putting out loud the thoughts that have been haunting him for the past few months.“I– I don't want to hurt his feelings. He deserves better than that…”
“Dude, what you talking about?”
“He– Cas…” Dean gulps. It was about time to tell Sam what really happened that day. ”He– he told me he… loved me,” and Dean’s mouth is too dry.
Sam snickers. “Well of course, dumbass. He's family. He was saying goodbye. I know I don't say it, but you know I–”
Sam stops himself at the look on Dean's face. “Oh... you think he meant–”
Dean only looks down.
“Oh…”
“I don't know what to do, man,” Dean throws his hands in the air. “He could come home any time now. And… and I can’t come up with a fucking answer!”
Sam's face shifts, understanding. “And you do not know how to reject him.”
Dean can only throw Sam a look as his voice dies in his throat.
Sam hesitates. “You… do not want to reject him.” And the question comes out as a statement.
Dean looks around the room. “I... I really don't know, I– I keep going back and forth, trying to think of the best scenario but… there’s no right answer.”
Sam looks down and he is too silent for Dean’s liking. Anxiety creeps up inside the older man. What if… no, he won’t go there, Sam would support him no matter what.
“Then stop thinking about it,” Sam finally looks back at him. “What are you feeling right now?”
Dean stares at him bluntly. He opens his mouth to answer, then closes it. “I… I just–”
“No thinking, Dean.”
“For fucks sake, Sam, I miss him so much,” Dean throws his hands again, trying to seem annoyed. But his heart breaks, and he knows there’s no turnback after saying it out loud. ”And I know you do too. He's sacrificed so much for us… hell– he sacrificed himself for us! But now–” Dean takes a deep breath. “Now knowing that he will be back someday… that pit in my stomach…” Dean looks down, trying to hold back a smile, “it isn’t there anymore. It feels different, it’s... I– I just want him here.”
Now Sam has that dumb smile on his face and Dean already regrets opening up. Great, he can’t wait for his brother to mock him. “So that's why you didn’t seem interested in any women in the past few months,” Sam chuckles. “Or was it years?”
Dean only glares at him, his face starting to burn up.
But Sam changes his expression, back to being serious. “Is it…” he hesitates. ”Is it because he's a man? Dean, you know it's ok if you were–”
“I know. it's not about that,” Dean stops him abruptly, the other man sighing.
“You know, he is an angel after all,” Sam states the obvious after a few seconds. “He could easily find another vessel, find a woman's body, it's that easy–”
“No!” Dean bursts, surprising himself by the tone he used. “I... I don't… I–“ Dean takes one deep breath, his voice suddenly becoming small. “I want… him .”
Dean raises his head to see a genuine smile on his brother's face. “Then you’ve found your answer.”
And Dean’s insides burn as the mood changes to genuine happiness, the wrinkles in his forehead washed away by it.
**
It didn’t matter that they talked about it, retirement seemed too far away as they got back to fighting monsters. It felt right, doing it with his little brother. And as every single time felt like the last opportunity to enjoy the companionship, he was savouring it.
But these vampires screwed him over too badly. Literally, because now there’s a screw in Dean’s lower back. Or rebar. He doesn’t remember, he can’t focus too much, he feels his life slipping away.
He… He needs to tell Sam… he… needs to say goodbye.
“You dumbass,” a deep voice resonates through Dean’s skull, “you can’t remain alive if I don’t watch over you, can you?” Light flashes in front of him, and he’s suddenly feeling better, shiny blue eyes greeting him.
‘Confused’ isn’t enough to describe what Dean is feeling, a rush of emotions overwhelming him.
“C–Cas?...” Dean doesn’t have enough time to react, his brother jumping at the angel, hugging him tightly.
And Dean just stands there, staring at them, not a muscle of his body cooperating with him. He can’t believe it, he’s– Cas… Cas is here, with them. The moment he’s been waiting for so long is finally here.
“Where have you been, man?” Sam asks with a genuine smile on his face, still holding the angel.
“I’ve been assisting Jack in reconstructing heaven,” Cas says, breaking the embrace. “He has created more of us, he has gifted our wings back. He is a wonderful kid.” Castiel turns around to look at Dean, smiling. “Hello, Dean.”
Dean can’t help but mirror the joy on Cas’ face. The angel is finally here! And he’s missed him so–
“Wait, how long have you been back?” Dean frowns, the realisation settling it. He gives the angel an accusatory look.
Cas hesitates for a second. “Ever since the day Jack took charge,” he says, eyes squinting, trying to read Dean’s expression.
Fire burns inside Dean. Anxiety soon takes over, his knees go so weak that he almost collapses. But no way Dean would ever let that show, resorting to his default mode: anger. “And you couldn’t even say one ‘hello’? Cas, I’ve been praying to you, I… I thought no one would listen, but– but I still kept doing it-” Dean’s throat goes dry. “Were– were you avoiding me?”
“Dean…”
The man waits for the angel to continue, but the longer the silence, the bigger the pit in his stomach is. But he won’t show he’s upset, he can’t let any tears run down his cheeks. Dean storms off towards the exit, leaving his brother and angel inside the barn.
Dean doesn’t know where he’s going, but the darker the night, the better he can hide his true feelings. The more he keeps going, the more his blood is boiling, his thoughts going a thousand miles per hour.
He is about to scream.
“I can’t fucking believe this!” Dean starts a monologue with the air, knowing damn well Cas is hearing him loud and clear. “You’ve been here, all this time?? I’ve been calling for you, so many times, waiting– wishing for you to finally come back, hoping that you are ok.”
Dean stops abruptly. “And you…,“ he points at the air, ”you idiot!!... avoiding me? Really? After all we’ve been through? After the way you left me?!” Dean looks up at the sky, still trying to contain his tears.
“I can’t believe I– I’ve…” Dean throws his hands in the air. ‘ I’ve actually fallen for you ,’ that’s what Dean wants to say.
“I haven’t been avoiding you,” the wind finally answers, taking the form of an angel. “I just wanted to give you space.”
Dean looks at Cas through the night, the lights too far away to see him properly. But it doesn’t matter, because Dean is still angry at him. He wants to be! That’s what he knows best to do. “Space?! Why would I even need space?”
Cas only blinks. “I believe that what I’ve spoken the last time we saw each other might’ve made things… awkward.”
“And you think avoiding it solves the problem?” Dean bites back.
“That’s what you have taught me, yes,” Cas answers in his usual innocence.
Breathing accelerated, Dean opens his mouth, ready to yell again. He needs to show him right! And he’s about to burst. The angel can’t just act like nothing is wrong, he can’t he can't–
Tears finally roll down Dean’s face.
Fuck it.
Dean rushes towards the angel, the powerful impact not stopping him from hugging the other tightly. He’s full-on bawling, he has so many things to say, but he can only hold the angel as he lets his feelings wash over him.
He’s so pathetic! He can’t show his weak side! He’s run his entire life from it, he has to hide it better!
But the warmth of Cas’ body pushes all these thoughts away, a new feeling creeping inside him. And it’s so powerful, and it’s scary, and he wants to run away from it, but he can’t. He can’t, now that Cas hugs him back with equal force.
Dean buries his wet eyes in the angel’s shoulder. He sniffles, trying to gather his thoughts. He… he’s imagined this moment so many times, he had a whole speech prepared, he was ready. It was perfect and wholesome and…
Cas caresses Dean’s hair with one hand, still holding him. And Dean wants to cry again. What’s even right to say? After all of this?
“Me too,” Dean’s mouth speaks against his will, voice muffled by the fabric of the trench coat. He tightens the grip around the angel.
“What?” Cas asks, obviously confused, trying to make Dean look at him.
Dean raises his head, looking down at Castiel’s sapphire eyes, and the genuine confusion in them makes Dean erupt in the biggest smile. Dean just looks at him. And it’s not like he’s seeing the angel differently for the first time, not at all. Because it’s always been like this. From the moment they met, something changed in Dean’s life.
Of course the angel was the one Dean wanted to keep close. Of course he was the one that kept him alive throughout the years. Of course Dean wanted to look only at him, see only him. The miracle is the one that has found Dean, and he doesn’t want to let go of it. Not again, not this time.
Only ruled by emotion, Dean says the simplest thing, the most powerful he can say at the moment. “I love you too.” And he does feel a tear running down his face, Cas putting one hand on his cheek to wipe it, Dean’s smile growing bigger.
“Dean, you do not need to say that just to make me feel better,” Cas smiles at him, still holding his cheek.
Dean is taken aback by that remark, breaking the embrace. “What? No, I– Cas… What?!” He takes a step back, squinting at him, annoyed that he can’t read Castiel’s expression through the dark.
Castiel sighs, taking Dean’s hand. A flap of wings and a blink of an eye, they aren't anymore in a dark forest, they're back to the parking lot where Baby has been waiting for him and his brother.
Dean’s ready to complain about the ride, but he’s glad he can finally see the angel now. He opens his mouth to say something, but Cas doesn’t let him to.
“It’s ok, Dean, I know I put you on the spot with my… confession,” Castiel sighs, looking down. “That wasn’t my intention, but you needed to be saved.”
Dean frowns at him, and Cas keeps going, raising his head. “And I know you don’t mean it like that and I’m ok with it–”
“Are you for real right now?” Dean doesn’t even let him finish. “How did you even get to that conclusion, man?”
Cas is now the one looking confused at Dean. Then with one hand, he gestures up and down at his own body, sighing. “I assumed you are definitely not interested.”
Dean doesn’t immediately answer, thinking carefully of what he’s about to say. Castiel’s expression shifts again, and the man can’t let him spiral down towards disappointment.
“Cas…,” Dean starts after a deep breath. “You… you’ve said you cared about the world because of me. But hey, I–” Dean gets closer, the angel finally looking directly at him, “I have fought for the whole world because of you. You were the light that guided me, the spark that ignited that fire. And every single time I had to…,” Dean’s words get stuck in his throat. ”...Had to watch you die, a part of me died too. I– When Lucifer had killed you, I was ready to end it all. Watching your body burn, I wanted to put a bullet in my head.”
Cas follows Dean’s eyes, so the man keeps going. “But Jack had brought you back, so I kept fighting, I kept fighting because you were there!” Dean points one finger towards the angel. “And then... And then you left me!” Dean throws his hands in the air with a hysterical laugh. “I was devastated . And you said all those words, I– I wasn’t ready!” Dean sighs, looking down. “But it was already too late when I realised what all of it meant.”
Dean looks back at Cas and the angel’s eyes are teary. “I had so many things to say, Cas, I– I wanted to give you the answer you deserved.” Dean grabs one of Cas’ shoulders, the angel sniffling at the movement. “Ugh, Cas, I don’t care about the body you’re in, whatever vessel you’d possess, it wouldn’t matter. This mortal body doesn't define you, you are way more than that. And you needed to know that!”
Cas smiles, but Dean isn’t about to stop. “So I kept fighting, looking for a way to have you back, to be able to say all of this to you. And then,” Dean lets go of him, hands moving in frustration, “Then you avoid me! How could you even take that from me, I–”
But Cas doesn’t let him finish, moving his entire body towards Dean. The angel cups Dean’s cheeks, dragging his face towards his own, shutting him up with a sharp press of his lips against Dean’s.
It takes a moment for Dean to react, startled by the action and the loud noise in the air followed by it. So Dean pushes him away to stare at the angel, literal sparks falling around them.
Dean is about to mock him for blowing up all the lights probably in the entire state. But seeing that Cas is about to panic, like he’s stepped beyond a line he wasn’t supposed to cross, Dean doesn’t let him overthink it. He pushes towards him, grabbing his waist, gluing their lips together once again.
And it’s impossible not to smile against the other’s lips, melting against him. Because he has never felt this right kissing anyone in his life.
Dean breaks away, playfully hitting Cas’ chest, the angel losing his balance for a second. “You idiot,” Dean laughs at Cas’ bemused expression.
Cas blinks at him, but then smiles, cupping Dean’s face to kiss him again, like it was the confirmation he needed, putting more passion into it.
The powerful hold the angel has against Dean is enough proof that he wasn’t dreaming. He won't wake up with a pit in his stomach anymore, he won’t have to wonder if any of it is real or not. All his worries just wash away, replaced by only one feeling.
“Say something, for fucks sake,” Dean nervously laughs after they press their foreheads together.
“I love you, Dean.” Cas simply says, his head tilting back so his genuine eyes stare at Dean.
And the man is about to burst, the instant fluster making him want to get out of his own skin. There's a warm glow around them, and Dean knows it's the angelic power, grateful to know that the other is fully back online.
“Son of a bitch,” Dean says on instinct, a broken laugh following after. “Gosh, I love you too. So much!” The glow only grows in intensity, and seeing Castiel’s smile at the words, everything feels so good, so right, so perfect to be saying it out loud. After all these years, after all the pent-up emotions, after all the confusion caused by not knowing what he was feeling towards the angel, Dean finally feels good about himself.
All his concerns, all the dark history they had, it didn’t matter anymore.
“Now promise me you will never leave me again!” Dean threatens, half-serious, half-joking.
Cas doesn’t hesitate to hug him. “I promise to stay with you forever.”
And Dean melts against his body instantly. “Good… good.”