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Jung Taekwoon is three years old when he meets Bae Joohyun for the first time.
Taekwoon stares curiously at the little girl he has just been introduced to. She’s playing with her dolls in a corner of the living room, not really paying attention to him or his mother. Instead, she’s talking to her doll the way a mother would to a daughter and the few laughs and giggles coming out of her mouth lift the atmosphere of the room even more and have him entranced.
He doesn’t notice the gazes of their mothers shifting from her to him and smiling at them with knowing eyes.
The apartment his mother has brought him to is nice. He likes the pale yellow of the living room walls, the smell of the vanilla cake that has just been set on the coffee table and the heavy black and white stripped cat currently sleeping with his body sprawled all over Joohyun’s feet. It reminds him of Leo and Taekwoon smiles as he thinks of the Abyssin that is probably be waiting for him next door. Leo wouldn’t let Taekwoon cuddle him though, not without whining and scratching the wooden floor of their flat as he runs away, and a pout unknowingly takes place on Taekwoon’s lips as he watches her scratch the belly of her much more cooperative cat.
“You can play with her if you want, Taekwoon-ah.” He hears suddenly and blinks. The spell is broken.
Taekwoon looks up at the sound of his name, dragging his eyes away from the young girl to focus on the unfamiliar face of her mother. She is smiling softly at him but the attention placed on him is too much, and he hides behind his mother’s back, burying his face in the soft wool of her blue sweater.
Her back shakes with the small laugh that escapes her throat and his fingers grasp the fabric tight, his cheeks a deep shade of red. “Don’t be shy, Taekkie.” She comforts, softly grabbing his arm to pull him from behind her.
He shakes his head but lets go of her sweater, looking down at the table instead and the fancy cups of fine china placed on it. The strong smell of coffee floats in the air and his nose wrinkles unknowingly. Both of the women laugh and he’s ready to hide again when his mother pats his hair, gesturing towards the playpen with her chin. “Omma is going to talk some more with our new neighbor. Go play with Joohyun-ah,” she whispers softly, her soft gaze never leaving him even as he slides down the battered couch after a last caress on his back and head towards Joohyun hesitantly.
Joohyun looks up when he reaches her and Taekwoon fights the need to run back to the comfort of his mother’s side. He wants to, but Joohyun’s smile roots him in place. He doesn’t take a step forward, doesn’t leave either.
A hand tugs on the hem of his pants. “Sit,” she says, her free hand hitting the spot on the ground next to her. Taekwoon doesn’t move, so she repeats it once again, unsure that he has heard her and only lets go of him when he takes place next to her. A doll is pushed in his hands and he frowns but doesn’t give it back. It’s different from his usual toys and he doesn’t know what to do.
“Joohyunnie,” she says, pointing at herself before pointing at him curiously, eyes full of childish wonder. “Joo and Hyunnie,” she continues, her fingers designating the doll on her lap and the one in his hands before looking at him expectantly.
“Taekwoon,” he answers softly and he’s about to say it again in case she hasn’t heard it when Joohyun nods to herself and tests the name out a few times under her breath. Taekwoon watches her, the doll long forgotten on his lap.
Her mouth twists in a perplexed expression, almost lost, and Taekwoon waits, silent. Nothing bad happens and instead, she just claps her hands together and looks at him brightly, all toffee milk eyes and gummy smile. “Taekwoon, Taekwoon, Wonnie!”
That day of April 1994 could be described as the first day of the rest of his life. After all, nothing would ever be the same; Taekwoon had made his first friend and gained what would be the first memory he would be able to recall.
-
Elementary school is not as scary as Joohyun said it would be.
Taekwoon thinks so, at least, but it might be because it’s the first day. Still, as he colors the picture of his family that Park-seonsaengnim had asked them to draw, he wonders how Joohyun is doing. She’s alone in kindergarten now and it makes him nervous.
They had seen each other this morning, in front of their building before leaving for their respective schools and Taekwoon hadn’t remembered seeing her so sad before. One more year, he had promised. One more year, and they would be able to spend their days together again.
“Class! Are you almost done with your drawings?”
A collective “yes” is uttered by his classmates and he takes a look at the state of his drawing before sneaking in a look at his deskmate’s. Good, he’s not the only one who hasn’t finished yet. The boy doesn’t seem to mind about his unachieved drawing though, and when Taekwoon makes a move to grab a crayon between their desks, he’s surprised to notice that his deskmate’s eyes are on him.
The other boy, Cha Hakyeon, as Taekwoon reads on his nametag, pushes his chair closer to him and Taekwoon leans back instinctively. He’s not used to such proximity with someone who isn’t Joohyun. Hakyeon doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice, his eyes focused on Taekwoon’s drawing. Taekwoon starts coloring again, trying his best to ignore the weight leaning on his right side.
“Joohyun,” Hakyeon reads out loud, eyeing the colorful sheet of paper lying on Taekwoon’s desk. Taekwoon stops coloring midway and the clank his crayon makes as it drops on his desk is so loud he can feel his cheeks redden at the unwanted stares it draws. He look down, grateful to sit at the back of the class.
Not knowing what to do, he fidgets with the incriminating pencil until he deems it safe enough to relax and go back to what he was doing. Hopefully, they will all stop looking at him soon enough. Indeed, all of them return to their business after a mere minute. Everyone, except one.
“Who’s that?” He asks again, his finger now pointing at the short stick figure – Taekwoon isn’t much of an artist – of Joohyun. “Your sister?”
“No,” Taekwoon whispers, filling his mother’s long hair with black. Hakyeon frowns, but Taekwoon doesn’t see it. “But seonsaengnim asked us to draw our family!”
Taekwoon simply shrugs. Joohyun might not be his sister but she’s always here. He even sees her more than his dad now and he wants her on his drawing. Park-seonsaengnim isn’t going to get angry at him, right? “I see her all the time,” he justifies, “It’s the same to me.”
Hakyeon nods. “Oh. Like a friend?”
Taekwoon looks up from his work, meets Hakyeon’s eyes and a small smile makes its way on his lips. Friend, that’s what his mother had called them, too, when she had asked him to make other friends aside from Joohyun before leaving him on the school’s doorsteps this morning.
“Yes,” Taekwoon confirms, pressing his lips together as to ponder if he should say more. He does.
“Joohyun is my best friend.”
-
Taekwoon has a lot of things in common with Joohyun – feeding animals, singing duets of their favorite songs, reading old korean literature books.
Soccer isn’t one of them.
This, as Joohyun said jokingly once, is the only moment they’re not tied at the waist.
She’s never too far though, and Taekwoon likes that she comes to his practices with him. She’s there every Saturday afternoon without exception, either sitting in the bleachers or under that old oak tree they used to climb when they were younger.
Sometimes, she watches him run across the field, even smiling proudly at the yellow band he has around his left biceps and if she’s into the game enough, she will stand up and start cheering for him so loudly he will turn red with embarrassment.
Most of the time, though, she spends the three hours of practice reading the book he has just lent her on their way to the soccer field.
It’s their tradition. Every week, they swap books, one they’ve read during the week. The books he gets to take home with him are always full of post-its, neon green and blue gel pen. He doesn’t say it, but he likes them, the bright thoughts and comments she leaves him. He even keeps them stuffed in the drawer of his bed table.
“Have you left me notes this time?” Joohyun asks, dropping off the bleachers and putting his book back in her bag. “I haven’t even stumbled upon one yet.”
Taekwoon takes his towel out of his sports bag, drying his face and hair with it. “Which page are you on?”
“208,” Joohyun replies, her tone unsure. “Maybe a few pages later, I don’t remember.”
Trust her to not bother taking the book out of her bag again to check. Taekwoon chuckles, flicking his towel over one shoulder and his bag on the other. “Then, yes. It’s normal.”
“Yah!”
He just shrugs, nudging her softly with his shoulder and ruffling her hair. “Sorry,” he says, “but there are some later, I promise.” It’s true, he has left some notes for her last night. Rushed ones, written on blank white paper in his unreadable penmanship because he knew she would want them.
“Good,” she says, flashing him a smile. “Anyway, what are we doing tonight? Do you think auntie would let me come over? There’s this new song I would like to cover and–” Joohyun pauses mid-way, her gaze focused on two boys running towards them with a soccer ball under their arm.
“Taekwoon-ah!” The tallest yells, wrapping an arm around Taekwoon’s shoulder upon reaching the two best friends. Joohyun feels him tense next to her, but she doesn’t comment on it, suddenly finding the ground more interesting. Being around Taekwoon is easy, this is not. “We’re going to get ice cream with some of the team,” He explains, gesturing to a few of their teammates who are watching them, gathered on the field. “Are you coming?”
Taekwoon takes a look at her before shaking his head. “Sorry guys, but I have plans already.”
“Come on, cap’tain!” The other one pleads, “you have to come! Coach is even coming with us and he says he’s paying!”
“If you want to go, it’s okay,” Joohyun says as her best friend still hasn’t said anything. She would understand, him going out with his team. He shouldn’t feel guilty because she’s here. They can skip on their bi-weekly cover sessions for once. The arrangement for the new song she would like them to cover isn’t even totally ready, anyway. “We can always–”
“No,” Taekwoon interrupts her, “No. We have plans and that’s it.” He sighs as he glances at her and brings a hand to her face. “Don’t do that, Joohyun-ah.” He tugs at the lip she’s chewing on with her teeth, nodding in satisfaction when she releases it.
Taekwoon drops his hand after running his thumb across her now red and bruised lip, facing the two boys who are still there and watching them with uneasy expressions on their faces. “Sorry again guys, maybe next time, yeah?”
They nod and Joohyun feels bad about the obvious disappointment showing on their faces . It’s almost as if they know because they both focus on her, looking at her up and down with only what can be described as displeasure. “Why are you hanging out with her?” The one holding onto Taekwoon sneers, not bothering to conceal the disgusted expression they can all hear in his voice. “Yeah,” the other one quickly agrees with his friend, not noticing the slowly darkening expression appearing on Taekwoon’s face. “She’s a girl, cap’tain!”
Taekwoon shrugs the arm on his shoulder off and crosses his arms over his chest, lips set in a straight line. “What’s the problem with that?” Taekwoon asks. “She’s just… Joohyun.”
The two boys, Minjoon and Sungmin, look at each other. “It’s just that...” Sungmin starts, “she’s just here every week… and you’re always with her when she shouldn’t even be here!”
“Well, I want her here.” Taekwoon says, his tone biting. “I don’t care if you have a problem with that.” His glare is so chilling both guys nod immediately. “You should apologize to Joohyun.” You will is more like it but no one comments on it.
“Taekwoon, please, don’t make them do that.” Joohyun pleads, ignoring the two boys’ surprised eyes on her. “They’re your friends.”
“No,” he says back at her before turning to the two boys. “Apologize right now,” he demands, “I’m not letting you off.” No one who treats Joohyun that way is ever going to be his friend. “They’re not my friends, not when they’re acting like this.”
He ignores her alarmed glance, a frown gracing his features instead when she starts chewing on her lower lip again. “But you are. You’re my best friend, Joohyun-ah and I won’t allow them to treat you like this when they don’t even know you!”
They stare at each other, neither wanting to back down, not noticing Minjoon and Sungmin have left in the meantime, too happy to have an opportunity to escape Taekwoon’s wrath.
Joohyun lets him grab her wrist, though, and says nothing when he starts taking the direction of their apartment complex. It’s better not to, and she knows she’s not going to win against him.
“They’re right, though,” Joohyun states once she notices his back isn’t as rigid as it was a few minutes ago. “I’m a girl.”
Taekwoon stops in his step, and turns to look at her. He takes in the long hair framing her face, the way her flowery skirt floats around her legs with the late afternoon breeze and blinks. “You are,” he breathes out, his hold on her wrist loosening. He had always known she was a girl, but he had never seen. Not before now.
Joohyun laces her fingers together against her stomach, her eyes avoiding Taekwoon’s. For the first time in their twelve years of friendship, she doesn’t feel comfortable around him. It’s weird, she thinks, to feel awkward around your best friend and her chest starts rising and falling quickly. She clears out her throat a few times, hoping for the heavy weight blocking her lungs to disappear along with whatever is happening between them.
Something flashes in Taekwoon’s eyes and he grabs her hand again, this time sliding his fingers through hers with a kindness that makes her gasp out loud. Taekwoon drags her against him, cradling her head against his shoulder. Wrapping her own arms around his waist, Joohyun closes her eyes. It’s just another hug, but then again, it’s not.
They stay in silence for what seems like an eternity. People look at them as they side-step them on the sidewalk but neither of them care enough to make way for them or even let go. She wants to apologize to them, but it’s not like they would understand what’s happening.
This is not a simple hug, more of a redefinement of their friendship.
A loud honk from further down the street makes her jump and he laughs softly, ignoring the fingers poking his side to make him stop. “You smell gross,” she mutters, almost as a retaliation, but her embrace doesn’t loosen.
Taekwoon laughs out loud this time, not bothering to hide his amusement and everything feels alright again. “Let’s go home.”
-
“I want my bed back,” Hakyeon moans, closing his textbook and folding his arms over it before whining. “I can’t take it anymore, let me die.”
Taekwoon rolls his eyes at his friend’s dramatics, his pencil moving frantically as he writes down notes in his notebook. “Just leave if you’re not going to study.” As an afterthought, he adds in a softer voice, “it’s not like you don’t need the rest, anyway.”
“You need it too, Taekwoon-ah,” Hakyeon sighs, buying his head a little more into his arms. “Have your parents even seen you this week? You’re always here,” he points out, “maybe you should go back home before midnight for once.” Taekwoon stops jotting notes down, glancing at his friend with an eyebrow raised. “5 a.m., Taekwoon-ah! You made us come at five in the morning! I think the staff is considering bringing beds for us!”
“That would be nice,” Taekwoon says straight-faced, only cracking a smile when Hakyeon mutters something about “crazy and mean friends” under his breath. “Hakyeon-ah,” he calls softly, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder and shaking him until Hakyeon looks up, eyes puffy by the lack of sleep and too much studying. Noise in the otherwise silent library grabs his attention and Taekwoon looks around him and at the students slowly coming in as the sun is now rising, its light peeking through the huge french window behind him; before focusing on his friend who’s blinking at him. “Just sleep, okay?” he suggests, wondering if his dark circles look the same and as bad as Hakyeon’s. “I’ll wake you up in thirty.”
Hakyeon flashes him a grateful smile before laying his head on the table and closing his eyes, leaving Taekwoon alone with his textbooks opened all around him. He doesn’t seem to care though, pushing his reading glasses up and grabbing his blue highlighter to continue what he was doing before being interrupted.
“Hi hyung!” A voice suddenly says and Taekwoon looks up from his English textbook only to meet Jaehwan’s eyes.
“Oh, hi Jaehwan-ah,” Taekwoon greets the first year back. His hoobae smiles brightly at him and Taekwoon wonders how is it possible for someone to be so cheerful at six thirty in the morning. “Do you have a test to study for? I’m sorry I can’t tutor you this time.”
“Ah, no,” Jaehwan shakes his head, “I wanted to see you and Hakyeon hyung,” he says, casting a glance at the third year still napping, “My class prepared food support since you’re all studying so hard for suneung.”
Jaehwan drops two bottles of vitamin drink on the table, along with two lunchboxes neatly wrapped with pink ribbons and as he notices Taekwoon’s eyes going from the ribbon to him, he rubs the back of his neck. “Hani made those… I hope they’re edible, hyung.”
Taekwoon chuckles, grabbing a bottle of Vita 500 and twisting the lid open. “Don’t be too hard on your girlfriend, Jaehwan-ah,” he advises, drinking half of the bottle in one go before putting back on the table, “She’s a nice girl… But thank you for this, we,” he precises, knowing that Hakyeon will think the same upon waking up and will probably even look for the two first year to give them a hug, “appreciate it.”
“It’s nothing, hyung. Enjoy the fried rice and kimbap!” Jaehwan says, twisting his fingers in a V-shape and bringing them to his eyes. “Fighting!”
Taekwoon brings a hand to his face to rub it, hoping the embarrassment he feels isn’t showing. Acts full of aegyo such as this one, even though he’s not the one doing them, always leave him red in the face and he wonders how Jaehwan can do this without cringing at himself. Even just witnessing them is a painful experience for him and he shakes his head, hoping to clear what has just happened before grunting and nodding in Jaehwan’s direction.
“See you later––” Jaehwan starts before stopping himself mid-sentence. Taekwoon stares at his hoobae whose attention seems to be focused on a scene behind him and he wonders what could be so captivating. “Hyung,” Jaehwan calls out to him suddenly, “isn’t this your best friend?”
Taekwoon blinks, surprised at the mention of Joohyun. It has always been weird to him that people would know about their friendship, would care enough to know who he is and who his friends are. It comes with popularity, some of his friends say when he talks to them about it, and Taekwoon guesses that indeed, it’s perhaps the price to pay for being the president of his class and the captain of their high school’s soccer team. He still doesn’t like it, doesn’t think he ever will but he has learnt to deal with it and stopped caring, as long as his friends were left alone and in peace.
“It really looks like Joohyun noona,” Jaehwan continues, “I didn’t know she and Yoongi were friends, though.”
“Yoongi?” Taekwoon asks, frowning as the name sounds unfamiliar. He doesn’t know anyone called Yoongi, never heard Joohyun talk about him either. Jaehwan doesn’t reply and Taekwoon follows the other’s gaze, looking behind him to see what’s happening.
Indeed, Joohyun is there, holding her textbooks against her chest as she’s talking with a guy Taekwoon supposes is Yoongi. Taekwoon hasn’t talked to her in days, too busy with exam preparation and seeing her like this makes him realize how much he misses her. Perhaps Hakyeon is right, Taekwoon thinks, perhaps he needs to spend time away from his books and the library.
They could go to their favorite noraebang just around the corner of their street, he figures, and go eat patbingsu afterwards, maybe even do some stargazing laying down their building’s rooftop if the weather would allow it. It has been too long since they have hung out together and seeing her with someone who isn’t him is enough to make him realize that. It needs to change quickly and he hopes that an evening together, some quality best friend time, would be enough for things to get better.
Taekwoon is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t register Jaehwan nudging him, not until Jaehwan whispers his name loudly, ignoring the dark glare the librarian throws his way. “He’s confessing, hyung! Yoongi is confessing!”
Taekwoon blinks but doesn’t reply, too focused on registering the scene in front of his eyes, the way Joohyun smiles at the guy in front of her as she accepts the rose he grabbed from behind his back, and the way she nods shyly and smiles as he grabs her hand and links their fingers together.
Something hurts within him and he doesn’t know what it is. “Noona looks happy,” Jaehwan states, completely ignorant of Taekwoon’s inner turmoil. In a way, Taekwoon is grateful.
It’s true, though, Joohyun looks radiant and the smile on her lips is probably the brightest he has seen from her in months, if not years.
Taekwoon also knows, knows that he has never made her smile like this.
Turning his head back, Taekwoon closes his textbook, dropping it in his bag along with what he thinks are his pens and notes. Hakyeon will take care of the rest, he hopes, because he can’t stay here.
He can’t, and he leaves the library in a rush, ignoring Jaehwan’s curious yet alarmed eyes on his back and closed fists or the way the now awoken Hakyeon rushes after him.
If Joohyun is happy, then he’s going to be happy for her. It’s his duty as her best friend, but for now, he needs to go.
After all, he’s a man first and foremost, one who’s being taught lessons he hadn’t planned to ever learn - jealousy is ugly and heartaches are painful.
Now, he only needs one thing – time. Time to think and more importantly, time to heal the bruises present all over his cracked heart.
-
“I think I love him, Taekwoon-ah,” Joohyun says, letting herself fall backwards on Taekwoon’s bed, breathless laugh escapes her rosy lips when her back bounces back on the soft mattress. “I think I love Yoongi,” she repeats even though Taekwoon continues to stay silent.
His hold on the trophy in his hand weakens and he hurriedly puts it in the cardbox next to him, grateful his back is on her. It has been been close to five months since that fateful day of October, close to five months since Joohyun started dating Min Yoongi.
Time had done its job, enough at least for him to be around her, around them both without losing more fragments of his heart to her and a love she couldn’t give him back. It’s good and he’s good, good enough that no one has the slightest hint of a reality he’s accepted – that he’s completely and utterly in love with his best friend.
“Ah,” he finally answers, the sound muffled by the loud clank his copies of Koizora and Tada, Kimi Wo Aishiteru makes when he puts them in another box, this one already full of all the japanese romantic films he’s fond of. “Are you going to tell him?”
Joohyun hums, “I have asked omma for her chocolate recipe.” Taekwoon’s hold on his book stills. “Ah, auntie gave it to you? That’s surprising.”
Joohyun’s mother is the owner of a cute little bakery in their neighborhood, one that got popular for her homemade chocolates. It has been her most treasured secret for years and even her motherly affection for Taekwoon, whom she considers as her own child, hadn’t been enough to make her crack. “What have you done to get it?”
She shakes her head despite the fact that Taekwoon can’t see her. “Nope,” she replies, a giggle slipping past her lips. “Just said I wanted to make chocolate. Do you want to know what she actually said?” Before Taekwoon has the chance to answer, she continues, “That her recipe was just the same as everyone else… Except, for the love she put into it and that I could understand now.”
He understands, too, that Joohyun has indeed fallen in love with Yoongi. He had tried his best to be supportive, but in the back of his mind, he had always hoped that maybe, just maybe, things wouldn’t get serious between them. Perhaps, then, he would have had a chance. This had been enough for him, this will have to be enough for him.
Now, there’s nothing that Taekwoon can do, nothing that he’s willing to do. Not when she’s happy, even if it’s not thanks to him.
“V-Day is only three days away, you should start working on them soon, Joohyun-ah.” In an attempt to hide his feelings, one that sounds pathetic even to his own ears, he quickly adds with what he hopes is playfulness in his voice, “Even all the love in the world won’t save his taste buds.”
“Meanie,” He hears her complain but there’s no bite in her tone. “Are you trying to kick me out of here? You will miss me like crazy when you’ll be gone!”
It’s true, he knows he won’t spend a day without thinking about her. After all, it’s the first time they are going to be separated for more than 24 hours and while he feels excitement at the prospect of moving from his parents’ house and into the SNU dorms, a part of him wishes he could have shared that with her.
“That might be right,” he teases, refusing to admit it out loud, to have his weakness be put in the open, “but I know you will miss me more.”
“Touché,” Joohyun confesses, “but I have Yoongi to console me.” Taekwoon’s fingers are clenched tight by his sides, the tips of his fingernails bluntly digging into his palms. He doesn’t know what hurts more – the fact that a four-month relationship can dull an ache of fifteen years of friendship so easily for her, or that she doesn’t even realize the painful weapon her words can be.
For someone who is usually so careful and soft-spoken, Taekwoon wonders when she stopped being his best friend to be this girl completely ignorant of her surroundings and everyone who isn’t Min Yoongi. What probably hurts more though, is that he still loves her with a force he can’t totally grasp.
“You should find yourself a nice girl, too,” she adds after the silence between them stretch for too long. If she notices the way his body tenses, almost ready to snap, she doesn’t comment on it.
No thanks is what he thinks, completely uninterested by anyone who isn’t her but the ugly feeling sitting in the bottom of his stomach makes snap. “Maybe I will.”
And maybe he should indeed, if only for his sake and sanity.
-
“Did I wake you up?” Joohyun asks. Taekwoon blinks a few times, his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness of his room. His digital clock displays it’s past three in the morning and Taekwoon sighs softly, running a hand through his messy hair. “No,” he answers as he settles himself against his bed’s headboard, not bothering to turn on the light.
“Oh,” she whispers softly, “Is Sunggyu oppa awake, too?” Taekwoon takes a look at the bed on the right side of the room, noticing it’s untouched. Taekwoon figures his roommate must be having a night shift at the 7/11 he’s working at. His schedule is quite busy and unpredictable and Taekwoon has stopped keeping track a long time ago.
“He’s out,” Taekwoon replies and he can hear her sigh in relief before she whispers his name. Taekwoon waits for her to continue but she doesn’t and they spend the next few minutes like this, both of them listening to the other’s breathing.
Taekwoon takes a deep breath, “Joohyun-ah.” His fingers tighten on his phone and he closes his eyes, aware that the words that will come out of his mouth next are going to be beginning of a painful moment, for her and for himself. “Why are you calling me?”
He already knows why, had figured it out as soon as he saw her name flash on the screen. There’s only a few reasons that could have her call in the middle of the night with a shaking voice and his guts scream at him that tonight isn’t a happy one. He could be wrong, but then again he has never been wrong when it comes to Bae Joohyun.
Her breath hitches but Taekwoon doesn’t waver. The truth needs to come out. “I…” she clears her throat before trying again. “Yoongi broke up with me,” Joohyun finally confesses and Taekwoon rubs his face, at a loss for words despite his lack of surprise. That, he had expected, but not the raw pain in her voice. One he didn’t know how to deal with.
He had known that day would come, and during the darkest hours of the night, had even hoped for it to come. It was selfish, he knew as a Joohyun not being in love any longer didn’t meant one in love with him either but he hadn’t been able to stop.
But now, as he listens to her cry and the sound of her sobs torn him apart, he comes to a painful realization – he prefers her in love with someone else than heartbroken.
Taekwoon thinks fast about what to say, what to do to mend a heart when his hasn’t been complete for a long time now.
“Hyunnie-ah,” he mutters after awhile, the nickname he used for her when they were children now unfamiliar in his mouth. “Do you remember what I used to do when you had nightmares a few years ago?”
Taekwoon remembers that summer and the temporary separation of Joohyun’s parents. His best friend had taken the news badly and sleepless nights had been part of her life until he had helped and her parents got back together.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?” Joohyun asks instead and it’s his turn to sigh. He has no intention to. He doesn’t want to know, doesn’t need to torture himself over whatever reasons pushed Min Yoongi to let go of a woman who might never be his.
Their love and whatever came up of out was theirs alone and Taekwoon has no intention to involve himself or be dragged into it
“Do you remember?” he insists, perfectly aware that she does. They have done this countless times that he knows that she couldn’t have forgotten. “You can’t have––”
“We looked at the sky,” Joohyun cuts him off, sounding almost hurt by his suggestion, “and you sang to me. Happy songs that you make me smile.”
Taekwoon hums, throwing his bed cover aside and getting out of bed. His feet touch the cool floor and a shudder goes through him as he toddles towards the unique window of his room. He glances at his guitar, but quickly discards the idea. He’s already making too much noise as it is, after all. Joohyun is, too, as Taekwoon hears the sound of her wooden floor cracking then stopping.
He figures it’s his cue to start talking again. “What do you see, Joohyun? How are the stars tonight?” Taekwoon takes a look at the sky, noticing the light the full moon casts on the street and smiles, “They’re pretty, right? Shining brightly every night without exception… This must be nice. Joohyun-ah, I wish you could start shining again soon.”
He takes a deep breath. “You know why, Joohyun-ah? Because to me, you’re the prettiest star.”
Before she can say anything, Taekwoon starts singing, following the beat of his heart against his ribcage. One, two, three songs.
“Thank you,” he hears her whisper after after what could be a few minutes or a few hours but he doesn’t stop.
He doesn’t stop until he hears her get in bed again, and hears the change in her breathing.
Joohyun has fallen asleep, and the sun starts to rise.
It’s just another day.
-
The first thing Taekwoon sees upon entering the pojangmacha is Joohyun’s head burrowed in her arms on the table, bottles of soju scattered all around it. A sigh escapes his lips but he walks towards her, dropping on the bench in front of hers and nudging her slightly with his foot.
“Go away,” she groans, her voice muffled by her wool sweater. The weather has been awfully cold this year, forecasts even predicting a white Christmas that Seoul hasn’t seen in decades.
Taekwoon removes his long coat, putting it next to him before shaking his head. “You’re the one who called me, Joohyun-ah.”
Her head shoots up at the sound of his voice and she blinks. “Woonie,” she slurs and Taekwoon sighs. “Woonie, why? I think there's a problem with me...”
Taekwoon stays silent, listening to her drunkenly rants. Her last boyfriend had been nothing but bad news from the start and he’s not surprised by the outcome of her latest relationship.
Nothing has really changed since Min Yoongi. Bae Joohyun seems to still be looking for love, and Jung Taekwoon is waiting by her side, hoping that one day she will start looking at him.
“Ahjumma!” she suddenly yells, getting the attention of the owner of the tent, “two more bottles, please!”
Once he’s sure Joohyun isn’t looking anymore, too focused on staring at the table, Taekwoon shakes his head at the old woman and lifts just a finger instead.
He could do with a drink, he thinks, as he loosens his black tie. He has spent three hours in court today, the case he had been working on for days finally coming to an end with him winning. He hadn’t had the time to celebrate, though, not when too many similar cases had been waiting for him at the office. Taekwoon had planned to work until late in the night, but then, Joohyun had called and he hadn’t thought twice about what to do.
Joohyun is still whining when the ahjumma drops the bottle and a shot glass in front of him. Taekwoon thanks her with a nod, ignoring the frown Joohyun throws in his direction. “I hate men,” she says as Taekwoon twists the lid open, versing the alcohol in his glass and downing it down in one shot. “Them and thinking they can do as please.”
Taekwoon doesn’t miss the jab. “You don’t hate me,” he points out, leaning on the table to push away the strands of brown hair that fall in front of her face, hiding it from view. “Don’t do that,” she mutters, pushing his hand away but there’s no force behind it.
His hand drop, only to caress her face slowly before he leans back, a contemplative look on his face. “Don’t hide yourself, then.”
Silence stretches between us, both of them lost in thoughts. “Am I still pretty?” Joohyun finally asks.
Taekwoon’s eyebrows furrow together before realization dawns on him and he smiles at her in a way that makes her breath hitch. “You’re always pretty to me, Joohyun-ah.”
She chuckles. “Even like this?”
“Even like this.”
Joohyun looks at him with wide eyes, her lower lip caught between her teeth. “Don’t do that,” Taekwoon warns her but she doesn’t stop and the words come out of his mouth before he can’t stop them, “I’m going to kiss you if you don’t stop.”
“Do it,” she says, letting go of her now plump and rosy lip to answer him. Taekwoon freezes. “Do it,” she repeats, looking at him straight in the eyes and Taekwoon is relieved the table hides his trembling hands from view.
If he was someone else, maybe he would have kissed her, again and again, until either his breath or heart would fail him first.
But he’s not and there’s no way that he’s going to take advantage of Joohyun when she’s like this – completely drunk and out of her mind.
“Let’s go,” is what he says instead, getting up and reaching for his wallet, leaving a dozen thousands wons on the table.
Joohyun frowns, shrugging his hand off as he tries to guide him out of the tent and Taekwoon sighs but doesn’t comment on it, instead opening the passenger door of his car for her.
The ride to her one-room apartment in Jamsil is spent in a similar fashion and Taekwoon clenches the wheel tighter as he side glances at his best friend, only to find her looking out of the window, her arms crossed against her chest.
They have rarely fought before, and even then, Joohyun had never straight up ignored him the way she’s doing now and Taekwoon wonders if he hasn’t messed up their relationship by trying to protect it.
“Joohyun-ah,” he tries but she doesn’t acknowledge him. It’s alright, he thinks, because there’s a high chance that she’s listening to him. “I’m not going to apologize.”
Count on him for being brutally honest. He doesn’t care if she’s upset at him because he knows she will come through sooner or later. He knows it, but he still wants her to understand him. “You’re drunk,” he continues, not noticing Joohyun’s eyes narrowing, “and I’m not going to–”
“I’m not drunk,” she interrupts him harshly, now looking straight in front of her, “I’m not drunk, Jung Taekwoon.”
“Hyunnie-ah,” he says softly, hoping to soothe her with his voice.
She snaps at him. “Stop that.” Her breath is ragged, her cheeks red with an emotion he realizes is not drunkenness. “I’m perfectly lucid and I don’t need you to patronize me, oppa.”
Joohyun throws the word at him as if it was poison and maybe it is. Joohyun has never called him oppa, not even when they were little. To hear her using now, in such a situation, Taekwoon realizes he would prefer never hearing it again.
“Tell me, oppa,” she continues and he wishes for that car ride to end soon. It’s not happening, though, he knows and this time, he won’t be able to run away. “Do you like me?”
Taekwoon freezes, grateful that they’re at a red light. A honk gets him out of his shock and he takes a look at her as he starts the car again.
“Do you like me?” Joohyun asks again, decided to not let this go. It has been going on for too long. “Because it seems that you do.” She takes a deep breath, “when are you ever going to realize that I like you, too?”
“You’re not–”
“I think I like you, Woonie-ah.” she stops, her eyes moist with emotion, “I don’t know when or how but I always think about you when I’m with them, about how you would sing rather than snap at me if I couldn’t fall asleep or how you would always say I’m pretty when I’m probably hurting your eyes. Is this what love is about? I don’t know but it’s driving me crazy, you’re driving me crazy… “
Taekwoon stays silent, a sigh of relief escaping him as he parks in front of her building. It can’t happen like this, it can’t. What happening isn’t true, can’t be true.
“Why are you acting like this? Treating me like I’m the only one for you if you don’t like me?” Joohyun asks and he closes his eyes to avoid looking at her. “Why, why, why?” she whispers again and again, and a lone tear rolls down her cheek.
It’s time, Taekwoon figures out. He needs to tell her, he needs to tell her now.
“Because it’s true,” he says, and he leans forwards, framing her face with both of his hands before kissing her. “Because,” he mutters softly, diving for her lips again, “you’re the only one for me.”
-
“Are you excited?” Hakyeon asks, leaning against the wall with a flute of champagne in his hand.
“I am,” Taekwoon confirms, taking a good look at his friend. Hakyeon looks proper in his suit, and Taekwoon wonders how Eunji managed to convince him to wear one. Cha Hakyeon had never liked formal clothes, even often teasing him for being a “boring, stuffy lawyer”.
Things change, Taekwoon figures, looking at all the guests present in his living room for his birthday. Jaehwan catches his eyes, waving crazily at him from the dance floor while dipping Hani. As Taekwoon hears her scolding him harshly, he laughs.
Not everything has changed.
“Taekwoon?” he hears and he looks at the side. Joohyun is standing here, a glass of white wine in her hand and Taekwoon frowns, removing the glass from her hold. “No alcohol for you, my love.”
“It was for you,” Joohyun says and Taekwoon just hums, wrapping a protective arm around her waist. His palm lays flat against her swollen stomach. “She’s kicking,” he whispers, still in awe despite having felt it a countless times before.
“That, she is,” Joohyun laughs. “Must be the soccer player genes of her daddy.”
“Must be,” he agrees before kissing her forehead tenderly. In their eight years of dating and three of marriage, holding her against him and kissing her has never gotten old and as Taekwoon catches her lips with his, he knows today isn’t that day either.
Joohyun smiles against his lips. “I love you.”
Taekwoon smiles, too. “I love you more.”
Thirty years ago, they had first met in a living room, their mothers watching over them with a fondness indescribable.
Now, they’re standing in their own living room, waiting for their first child to greet the world and Taekwoon can’t wait.
He can’t wait to meet her – Jung Byul.