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It hit her like a train.
She realised she may be alone for the rest of her life. Hopefully not, but it’s hard to be hopeful, not when you’re a teenage girl whose entire family abandoned her. Including the sister who’d made a promise not to be like them, like their parents. The thought alone made Debbie curl further into the fetal position, gripping her pillow so tight so that it wouldn’t, it couldn’t, leave her too.
She knew it couldn’t so why was she so scared? It’s a pillow for fucks sake.
God she felt pathetic, and couldn’t stop a flood of tears escape her eyes. Ones she had been holding in for months, and now what? She was crying like a child, and she wasn’t a child, she was 13! And the last time she’d checked that meant she was a teenager. And everybody knows teenagers are grown up, and grown ups don’t cry into their pillows.
Grown ups have boyfriends, then have sex with said boyfriends. And she had that, a boyfriend anyway. They hadn’t gotten to the sex part yet but they will any day now, she was sure of it. Because he liked her, well he spent time with her, and that had to mean something, right? Either way she was fairly sure she liked him too, well if it wasn’t for her friend Holly then she probably wouldn’t have noticed him.
But Holly had pointed him out to her, told her that she should like him, so she did. But that had to be normal, the way every girl finds boys, it was so easy after all.
At least she knows that if anyone else tries to leave her she can always go to him for comfort. But what if he tried to leave? She supposes he’s bound to eventually, especially if he found out she’d been lying about being older than she is. The thought only made her tears worse, louder.
Muffling her sobs with her already soaked pillow so that none of her siblings could hear, not that they cared but she decided it wasn’t worth the risk, Debbie drifted off into a dreamless sleep, making a promise to herself that if she ever had a daughter, she would never feel like this.