Work Text:
Hwang Miae's day starts with her mom's loud insistent call from somewhere in the house for her to wake up.
It is a rude awakening, and already, she could feel the remains of last night's dream slipping through her conscious.
The feelings linger though, they always linger. This morning they are giddiness and something that leaves her heart beating just a tad faster. Excitement maybe?
Absentmindedly, Miae scratches her chest.
Still kinda sleepy, she groggily drags her gaze around her room. It lands on the aeroplane figure on her desk, and that giddy feeling somehow multiply, and a goofy grin blooms on the girl's face.
It lasts for a total of 3 seconds, because then her gaze moves over to look at her window, and suddenly she feels very awake.
Her curtains are closed, ducktaped.
Oh. Right. Hwang Miae is currently a prisoner in her own house.
She frowns. The scratching on her chest stops.
No matter how many days pass she would never stop finding her current situation ridiculous. The adults in her life watch her like hawks, monitor her every move and action. All for what? To make sure she can't talk to her own friend?
Blah. Ridiculous.
She goes wash up and gets dressed for the day, all traces of the pleasant dream gone completely and her mood soured considerably.
"You're coming straight home after school you got that?" her mom reminds her sternly at breakfast. Miae just mumbles something incoherently and keeps eating.
Her dad looks at her apologically. He knows he can't defend her anymore these days.
She finishes breakfast, says goodbye to her parents (because she's still a well-educated and upstanding lady even if she's mad at them) then leaves for school.
School also feels like a drag lately.
She gets hold back again, her name tag is still nowhere to be found (she swears she would show no mercy to the bastard that took her name tag when she finally catches him).
As of right now though, she can only stand there with other unfortunate souls, eyes train to the ground in silent endurance, as she dwells on her future revenge plan.
Around her, the flow of students keeps moving, with some occasionally being hold back for an inspection, before their footsteps either move on or join her line in defeat.
It is among all these noises that Miae hears something that catches her attention.
Thump, Thump, Thump go the loud, echoing footsteps.
It could have been anyone, she reasons to herself. There are a lot of students hurrying along to make it in time for the bell.
Thump, Thump, Thump
Really, there are a lot of people who can make such loud footsteps.
Thump, Thump, Thump
She can hear the sounds vibrate through her entire body, as if they're coming from inside of her too.
But Miae doesn't look up. As the footsteps near her, they falter, just barely. And for just a single, millisecond moment, she can feel the full force of that gaze on her. It is heavy, heavier than the bag on her back, but it is not smothering.
Ah, she thinks. I want to look.
Thump, Thump, Thump
The footsteps pick back up again, quicker and louder this time. And just like that, the moment was over.
Her eyes stay train to the ground. She only dares look up once that thump, thump, thump has faded completely.
He's gone.
—
They had made a deal that first day. No talking. No eye contact. No acknowledgement of each other. Total ignorance. Because the only way they could get those hawks to loosen their grip on them is to give them what they want.
People always think she can't take anything seriously, that she's too impulsive to be mindful.
Screw them.
Miae knows that they're in deep shit. She understands the severity of their punishment. She knows more than anyone how serious this is; it's affecting her for God's sake.
So Miae tries, she really does. And at first, it was fine, fun even.
But some days are harder than usual. She doesn't even know what's the tipping stone here is but the fact remains that there are Bad Days.
Days where she would be made fun of again because those idiots thought they could get away with it now that her ever-present knight isn't nearby (she always shut them up with a well-aimed kick to where the sun doesn't shine). Days where the glares the teachers give her for just glancing at the back of the classroom are just too much. Days where her new deskmate slash unwanted project is running her patient thin. Days where she once again get scolded for failing to do something that shouldn't have been her responsibility in the first place.
She still remembers the time when she had automatically sat in her old desk. It was still early in their separation, and she was so upset over the uncalled for reprimand she just got, that she had acted out on her muscle memories. It was like second nature for her, to took a seat by his side and started yammering on and on about nothing and everything to him. For a moment then, everything felt right.
And then she had caught the look on his face, and it's like a bucket of cold water was dropped on her.
The incident still brings her so much embarrassment whenever she remembers it. But even stronger than that embarrassment, is bitterness.
Bitter at who though? The teachers, for separating them? Him, for (seemingly) not giving a damn?
Herself, because she couldn't let it go?
Hwang Miae is only 16 years old.
She's at a sensitive age. An age where there are days where you feel like nothing ever goes your way. Days where it feels like the entire universe is out to get you.
Well. Lately it seemed like that's all that ever happens to her.
—
Miae enters her classroom, already feeling way too drained and tired for what's acceptable at just 8 in the morning. There's still a whole day ahead of her. She is not looking forward to it.
He is already there, dutifully mulling over their lessons for the day. Ever the model student huh...
Miae makes a beeline for her desk on the other side of the room, pointedly does not look at him. She's sure he doesn't look at her either, he's too diligent to do that, but that doesn't stop it from hurting, just a bit.
"You looks miserable," her deskmate unhelpfully informs her of what she already knows.
"Oh mind your own business," she scowls.
Jisu raises an eyebrow at her, then shrugs. He then promptly goes back to sleep, snoozing away. She doesn't bother waking him even as the teacher comes in and the first period starts. She would definitely get scolded again later but frankly, Miae can't seem to bring herself to care this time.
She already knows today would not be a good day.
—
There are several occasions during class when Miae feels eyes on her.
She turns around every time but catches nothing. After the fourth times the teacher notices and she gets scolded for it.
She no longer feels the eyes after that.
—
Lunchtime almost seems like it wants to prove her earlier assessment of the day wrong. Almost.
For once in a lifetime, her lunch box is devoid of beans. Mom must have taken pity on her today. Small blessing, but she'll take it.
Her friends are with her, chatting about nothing and everything. Yunhui, Jihye and Jiseon. Another blessing. The teachers and her mom might be trying their damnest best to make her the most miserable girl on earth but at least they wouldn't take this away from her.
He isn't in the classroom, but it's not like she doesn't know where he went. She can see him quite clearly from where she is.
Miae has started to appreciate the school's soccer team more lately, since it is quite literally the only time at school when she can look in his direction openly and not get a ruler smack down on her.
She can hear cheers; they had scored another goal. She can't make out if it was even him who had scored but he seems to be included in the short celebration anyway.
Miae smiles. It's good to see him socializing with people more nowadays. Those days of him shunning everything and everyone, including her, seemed like they belonged in another lifetime. They had come so far. Maybe he would reconsider that wish of his now...
He turns to the direction of the school and Miae sits up a bit straighter.
Look up
She stares at him with all her might. If look can drill holes she'll be drilling several ones into his head right now.
Come on look up!
Over here, look over here
I want to–
See you
–Say hi to you!
She sees him freeze up. Then slowly–
"Miae-ah are you even listening to us?"
The girl in question jolts.
"Ha- wha-?" Miae regretfully snaps her gaze from the window and back to her friends. "O-Of course I'm listening! Um- Fire Boys rule...?"
She flashes them a finger gun and an unconvincing smile. They levels her an unimpressed look. Miae sweats.
"Honestly Miae-ah it's been days now," Yunhui sighs. "He's been consistently ignoring you for all that time. I really think it's time to move on from this lovesick bout of yours."
"Wha- I'm not lovesick!" she retorts, offended. Really, her friends keeps saying weird things these days... "Am I not allowed to miss my own friend? Anyone would if they're in my shoes!"
"Suuuuure girl. Keep telling yourself that..." Jihye drawls sarcastically.
"But Lucifer was being quite cold no?" Jiseon adjusts her glasses, ignoring the little "don't call him that!" from Miae. "I understand keeping a low profile around teachers, but not even while you're alone? Is he that scared of them that he can't even say hi? He can't even be a little risky and bold for our Miae's sake? And here I thought what you two have is special..."
Miae hates that those words inspiked a validated feeling from her. That she is upset that he's not trying harder. It's childish and unreasonable but that's what everyone always says about her right?
Miae frowns. Unconsciously, she starts to fidget with her hair. Her fingers catch on a hard surface. She traces them along to finally rests on the smooth, round surface of the plastic apple brooch. Memories of that exchange spur up and she could feel her lips wanting to quirk up into a smile.
Her friends are still here and talking though, so she quickly covers her mouth in a faux-cough. Clearing her throat, she addresses them again with all the dignity and composure that she does not have but pretend to anyway.
"First of all, I need you guys to stop saying weird things. Second of all, it is as you said, the teachers are vicious about keeping us apart. It will only be until finals. He'll live. I'll live. That's that."
She finishes with a finalist tone, head raises high. Her friends look at her in a mixture of exasperation and disbelief.
"I can't believe this... How are we more upset over this than you?"
"Leave it Yunhui. She's too far gone now."
"So this is what they mean when they say 'love is blind'..."
"UGH! SERIOUSLY GUYS!" Miae exclaims, her face warm. "Can we not talk about him right now? He's not even here! And I told you guys to cut it out with that! We're not together! I'm not even sure if... he... even..."
She trails off when she notices the expression on their faces. They looks kinda... scared? Come on now, she wasn't being that harsh!
"Why are you guys looking at me like that? Was it something I said?" she narrows her eyes at them.
They stays frozen, though on closer look, it seems that they're actually looking pass her and through the window...
"Is something behind m-"
"NOTHING!"
In a blink, her friends are scrambling up from their seats, startling Miae and anyone else still remains in the classroom, and go to block the window from her sight. Miae gawks. What the heck?
"I mean, it's nothing! Hahahahahaeyyyyy why don't we go to see if the cantina still has that bread you like? My treat!" Yunhui's smile is incredibly forced.
"Y-Yeah why don't we? We're already finished with our lunch and it would be a shame to just stay in this stuffy classroom for all of lunch break right??"
"Yeah! Come on Miae, let's move faaaaarrrr away from the windows and go have fun!" They all try to usher her farther away from the window after that.
Miae frowns. What in the world?
She tries to push them away to peak at what had caused them so worked up. They try to block her, but Miae has always been the more physically fit one between them all despite her small frame, and she's resilient in her goal.
"Okay girls, cut it out. Just what is it that you are-" She finally manages to shove the last of them out of the way to see what the heck they're hiding, and the words die in her throat.
Down there, on the field. Someone is talking to him. Someone not on the soccer team. A familiar petite girl with a pixie cut.
Seonyeong.
Miae's eyes widen. Out of the corner of her eyes, she can see her friends wince.
Ah, is all her mind supplies her. Something in her chest constricts. Her hands unconsciously curl into trembling fists.
She stands corrected. Today is really a bad day after all.
—
The rest of the day at school passes in a blur.
She remembers pasting a smile on her face as she trudged loudly after her friends to go get that bread anyway (she didn't let them pay for her though, that's too much). She remembers getting scolded after all for not keeping Jisu awake. She remembers Jisu once again being uncooperative and snoozing his problems away (she wish she could do that too).
She remembers saying goodbye to her friends and walking home in a daze.
And just like that, another day had passed.
Miae sulks. She kicks a random pebble on the road.
She doesn't understand why today feels particularly worse than usual. Everything that happened feel quite standardize for her. In fact, everything that had happened today happened everyday lately.
But... maybe that's precisely why she's upset. Maybe she has finally 'reached her limit', as they say it.
Ugh. Whatever.
She's at her neighborhood now. She can see her apartment from here. No doubt her mom is waiting just outside the door, ready to drag her in for another couple of hours slaving away at her desk.
Miae's steps slow deliberately.
She doesn't want to go home just yet. That will finally put a stamp to the end of today as a horrible, awful, no good day. And she's not ready to surrender. Not yet.
She looks up at the sky and lets her feet take her wherever. There's a plane flying above because of course there is. It's like it's mocking her, and Miae scowls.
Her wishes to the planes never paid off. Maybe it really doesn't count if she hasn't collected a thousand of them yet. Does she want to shoot her shot again though? It's not like she has anything to loose.
Raising her hand into a peace sign, she frames the tiny speck of flying vehicle between her fingers and mumbles, "Please, to anyone that's listening, let one thing goes right for me today..."
The airplane flies pass. Nothing happens. Miae lowers her hand.
She stands there with her face still parallel with the sky. She wants to scream in frustration.
As if on clue, her mind starts supplying her with fantasies to cheer her up.
It would be nice if he were to show up now...
But no, Miae frowns at the thought, she's still mad at him isn't she? She doesn't know why, but she just is.
But maybe he would still show up and would call my name–
"Hwang Miae?"
–in concern. Yeah like that.
Wait–
Hwang Miae freezes up.
She hasn't been paying attention to where she had been going. She knows it's not in the direction of her apartment though. But the route has felt familiar, like a new shoe she has grown comfortable in wearing.
Her feet had taken her on the route to the back alleyway between the buildings.
Slowly, slowly, she drags her gaze down and over to where she had heard that voice.
And there he is. Her constant mental tormenter lately. His ridiculously huge frame crams in the narrow space between the buildings. He's sitting and crouching over on that stupid AC that they had made into their makeshift table, pen pauses on its work on the notebook before him.
If this is another one of those delusions her mind loves to play on her these days then she swears-
But the eyes that look at her now and the emotions in them feel real. Dark eyes locks into hazel green, and she both wants to keep that eye contact and to look away.
(It's strange, she spent a good chunk of today hoping to meet those eyes, and now that they're on her she feels like suffocating underneath their intensity.)
Hesitantingly, he stands up and approaches her. His steps are uncertain, his hands are raise but twitching in nervousness, clearly don't know what to do with themselves. And there is that familiar frown on his face again, the one that makes him look like he hates the entire world. But Miae knows him. She knows what that frown really means.
Worry. Confusion. Pain. And it's all in her sake.
It's all. Just. Too. Much.
"Are you okay? You look... upset."
No I am not okay yes I am upset and it's because of you it's always because of you and I don't know why or how or what to do to make this feeling go away and and–
"Hwang Miae?"
And she can't take this anymore.
So she tackles him. Hard. He lets out a surprise grunt and bents over, clutching his stomach in pain. Miae doesn't stop there though.
If anyone look at them right now they would have thought she's attacking him with how furiously she's punching him. But as it is, her tiny fists barely do anything against him. Bastard.
"WOAH WHAT THE– HWANG MIAE WHAT THE HECK? HEY! HEY!"
"KIM CHEOL YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!"
"??!!"
She sees him stiffen for a moment, face agape in offended shock and no she is NOT finding that cute no no no NO.
He tries to shove her away, or at least keep her at arm length. Her face is squished against his hand and that only contributes in making her angrier. Him and his ridiculous height...
"I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!" She punctures each "I hate you" with a randomly thrown punch in his general direction, pressing on against his hands that are trying to puss her away. None of them hit which is just fantastic.
Why does she have to be so short? No, why the heck is he so big?! What do they feed you at home Kim Cheol?!
"What– What did I do?!"
"Nothing! You did nothing! And I hate you for it!!!"
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"Shut up!" She keeps punching him. He doesn't even flinch the bastard.
"Wait- Wait! Hwang Miae wait! Let us first–"
She pays his words no mind. It's strange really, she doesn't even realize how much pent-up rage she has until now. She's not sure if they're even rage at him specifically but she just really needs an outlet for them right now.
(And maybe it is wrong for her to take out her frustration on him, but Hwang Miae is currently not in a position to think clearly about her emotions.)
Suddenly, his hands removes from her, and she losses her balance for a moment because of that. But they come back almost immediately, except this time they warp around her and pull her close.
Miae feels a bit of deja vu as suddenly she's pressed against Cheol's chest as he maneuvers them into a little dance spin before they both plops down unceremoniously on the ground behind the AC, away from view, with her sitting snuggly in his lap. One of his hand is placed over her mouth, and the other around her waist.
For a moment, everything is quiet.
Thump
Thump, Thump
Thump, Thump. Thump, Thump. Thump, Thump
Miae's head spins. She feels dizzy. She feels like she can run a mile an hour. She feels like she had just ran a mile an hour. She feels warm all over. She feels like shivering.
She feels like suffocating. She feels safe.
She wants to break free. She wants to sink into this comfort.
She chalks it all up to adrenaline from being surprised and the possibility of getting caught again.
(Why are the footsteps so loud this time? How close are their potential exposer?)
Tentatively, carefully as to not disturb the boy who was holding her heart captive, Miae tilts her head up.
In her current position, it would take her to turn her entire body around if she wants to look at the street. And Miae... would rather stay like this for a bit longer actually. And so with Cheol's attention being directed entirely to the street and nothing else to do, Miae decides to take a moments to obverse him.
She notices that recently she can't seem to look at Cheol for too long or her brain will start to fizzle out and go numb. It is much like right now actually; she can already feel the dizziness coming back. And she's not sure why it's happening, for he looks the same as always. The same nose, the same cheeks, the same jawline, the same eyes, the same frown, the same scar...
Oh. She can see his scar right now.
Up close, she realizes it is not a straight line, but there's a little cease in the middle that gives it a sparkle-like shape. It's like a misshapen cross, or a star with very long tails.
You have a star on your face Cheol-ah. Isn't that funny?
Her fingers twitch slightly from their places on his chest.
She had tried to touch his scar before; she never succeeded. He always swats her hand away or stops it. The most recent time was in the nurse office, and he had grabbed her hand before it could reach its destination. And then they had had that "moment"...
(A "moment"? Really now, that could hardly be called a "moment"; nothing had happened! Her friends' words really must have gotten to her.
But... she had felt something shifted between them then, if only for a second...)
Cheol still has his focus on the road outside her range of vision (how long has it been? It feels like they've been sitting like this for hours, but it couldn't have been even a minute) and generally does not seem to notice her inner turmoil.
Would he notice if I...?
And because Hwang Miae has never been a second-guesser, before she even finished that thought her hand has already reached out toward his face.
Her fingers just barely brush his cheek when she sees his eyes shift.
"I think they're gone now..."
His voice is soft when he says that, but he might as well have been screaming it with how it shots through her as precise as a lighting bolt. Miae jolts, retracting her hand as if burned.
And it is just as well, because Cheol chooses that moment to snap his eyes back at her, and Miae lets out a small "eek!" in surprise.
They are so close now, close enough that she can clearly see the purple hue of his normally dark eyes (he really does have very beautiful eyes NO PULL IT TOGETHER HWANG MIAE). His browns are creased together again, but this time she can tell that they're really in annoyance. At her.
Ack.
"You were making such a ruckus! We almost got caught! What were you thinking?!" he whispers-shouts at her.
Miae perks up in indignation. What was she thinking? WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!
"!!!!!"
"....."
No wait. What was she thinking????
Miae blanches at him, caught out guard.
Her anger has faded completely by now. In fact, she can't even remember why she was that angry in the first place, if there was even a reason. She reasons that there must be, because she refuses to believe that she will just go around punching people (unfortunately for Miae, that's pretty much what had happened). And with a clearer, more sober head, Miae is starting to realize that all of her actions so far were very, very silly indeed.
Why was she trying to hit him? What was she trying to achieve by that?
"Well?" Cheol asks impatiently, giving her a pointed look.
Miae tries to avoid his piercing glare, darting her eyes everywhere and nowhere. Then, with a startle, she realizes she's still sitting in his lap.
Her attempt to escape is squashed when Cheol clamps his arms tighter around her though. Her heart skips a beat, and she looks back at him in panic. His glare has intensified, a dark cloud behind him.
"You're not escaping this conversation that easily."
Suddenly there's nothing comforting about her current position anymore, and Miae wants out.
"Let me go!" She pounds on his chest repeatedly.
"Not until you explain yourself!" He's too stubborn for his own good. But so is she, so she guess that makes them the perfect pair for this.
"No!" She switches to pushing at him.
His grip remains steady. "No what? 'No I don't want to explain'?"
"No no no no!"
"Seriously, why are you like this?!"
She finally levels a glare of her own back at him. "Me?! What about you? Why can't you just let it go?!"
"Because you're clearly upset by it Hwang Miae!"
The argument pauses abruptly. They're both looking at each other now, eyes wide in surprise at the honest worry in his voice.
Miae seems to find her voice first. "...What?"
Ah, now it's his turn to avoid her inquiring stare.
His grip on her has relaxed considerably now, but Miae doesn't have the mind to escape anymore. She's more interested in how the boy in front of her is turning redder and redder by the second.
"...You... When you...no... When I first saw you walking down that street, you looked really upset... But then you saw me and I– I think I saw–"
He chances a glance back at her, then snaps it back and away just as quickly. The very tip of his ears are tinged red now.
It has no right to be that mesmerizing.
"Well– Whatever, I know you weren't upset at me at least. But then you just... attacked me. Out of nowhere and I'm just..."
Words seem to have failed Kim Cheol as he hangs his head in defeat. His hands try in vain to cover his face, which now resembles a ripe tomato.
"...I'm confused Hwang Miae. You didn't look upset to see me at first but then... I don't know. I just want to understand... that I... that I didn't do anything wrong."
Miae feels something churning inside her stomach.
It's not an unpleasant feeling, but it's not a pleasant one either. It's like the times when her dad bought home fried chickens after dinner, and a part of her was overjoyed for the treat, but at the same time a part of her felt guilty knowing that dad had had to spend so much money for the chickens.
It's the same feeling as right now. A part of her is unreasonably giddy at Cheol's worry and attentive observation. Another part of her feels sick because she had made him worried and she doesn't even know the reason why.
She doesn't know what to say.
The silence between them stretches on, far more suffocating than anything she has felt before. Cheol sits completely still before her, his face still hidden in his hands. She's not sure he's even breathing. He's like a string pulled taut, and with each second passed she can feel it gets closer to snapping.
She needs to say something.
She needs to say something now.
Miae opens her mouth, then closes it again. Her hands fly into motion, making all sort of gestures. He doesn't see any of them, and no word is being spoken either.
Say something.
Say what?
Just say something!
More seconds passes, and still no word is spoken.
Then Cheol starts moving again. She sees him take a deep breath and then let it out.
"Nevermind..." he mumbles.
The string is taut.
"Forget I said anything..."
It snaps.
He moves to stand up and presumably, to walk away from her again, and Miae's body acts before she can really think things through.
She tackles him again, this time in a hug. Or, at least, she had intended it to be a hug. But she had miscalculated the momentum and end up knocking the back of his head, and her forehead, to smash against the wall behind them with a resounding bang!
Whatever trance that was over them broke, as they releases their hold on each other in favor of their throbbing head instead. But despite her ringing head and star-filled vision, Miae can still hazily make out Cheol's figure shakily tries to stand up and move away from her.
"Wait- Wait!" Clutching her head with one hand she blindly reaches out to him with the other. She grabs hold of fabric, though she can't be sure if it's his shirt or pants. "Wait Cheol-ah, wait!"
"Let go of me." He doesn't try to remove her hand nor move any further from his half-kneeling position though. Miae takes that as her clue to push on.
"No! You need to listen to me first!"
"Listen to what? You obviously don't have anything to say to me!" he snaps back at her, now trying to pull away again.
Miae tighten her grip and pulls back. "I do! I wasn't upset at you! But I was upset!"
"At what?! And why take it out on me?!"
"I don't know!"
"What was that?"
"I said I don't know!"
Before he can open his mouth for more retorts, Miae cut him off and just keeps going.
"I don't know why I was so upset! I don't know why today feels worse than usual! I don't know why nothing seems to go right today! I don't know why just the sight of you had made me so angry. I don't know I don't know I don't know "
It feels like it took all of her energy to admit all of that. Miae slumps down at the end of her outburst, defeated. Her grip on his shirt is still steady though. She won't let him walk away again.
"...I don't know okay? None of it makes sense to me either... So I can't explain it to you..."
Cheol has become quiet and unmoving in the wake of her tirade, and so Miae dares a peek at his reaction. Is he mad?
But he's just looking at her in stunted silence now, eyes blowed wide and brown slightly turns downward.
She had seen this same expression on him before, she realizes. It was back in the nurse office, when she had also went on a tirade. She had meant to criticize his actions then, but somehow it had ended up being with her being swept away down the lane of memories between them instead.
He had looked at her with a mixture of awe and confusion and realization all at once. Like he thought she was strange for saying all that, but then he was too for understanding it all. Like he didn't know what to say in return, but at the same time also exactly what to say.
It catches Miae off guard with how easy to read this boy before her had became and yet at the same time, she can't understand him at all.
You're full of contradictions Kim Cheol.
Am I also the same way to you?
Maybe to you I am the same
HUH?!
Startled by that sudden thought (where did it come from??) Miae breaks their eyes contact first and shoots right up, dusting herself and feigning nonchalance.
"Ah-Anyway! I'm sorry for... trying to make you my personal punching bag... or whatever... I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you. So. Um, yeah. Sorry."
There.
Miae nods and gives herself a pat on the back.
She said sorry. Mission accomplished she had fulfilled her responsibility in this conversation.
Now it's over to him.
Miae starts to squirms in place; fidgeting with her backpack straps, placing one foot before the other and then again. She stumbles, then straighten back up again as if nothing happened. Her eyes dart everywhere except at the boy half-kneeling beside her. The silence stretches between them is not suffocating anymore but it is no less awkward.
But no! Miae won't be the one to break the ice here! She had already extended the olive branch so now it's his turn to pick up the load.
...
But this is so. Awkward!!!
She feels like she should leave this situation...
Quietly, carefully, Miae tries to sidestep the massive boy beside her to get back to the street.
Let's pretend this never happened... She's cringing just thinking back on the whole ordeal. She wants to go home where she can safely scream into her pillow...
"Wait."
Miae turns around so fast her hair slaps her in the face. The "YES?!" she let out also might have been a bit too quick, a bit too loud, and a bit too hopeful. Cheol is certainly looking at her like she just grew another head.
God just end me now–
But what was he about to say?! That's more important!
She tries to fix her hair back into a somewhat presentable state again, all the while trying to play it cool as if she didn't just jump like a kid who got told they're going to the candy store. "I mean yes, yeah, uh, what's up?"
She attempts to look in another way, the total image of indifference, but curiosity gets the better of her, as it always does, and she steals glances every few milliseconds.
And it's hard to not just outright stare because Cheol looks so flustered right now, with the bottom half of his face tinted pink and his hand nervously scratching his neck.
How cute. He's also just as lost with words.
Miae feels a giddy smile worm its way on her face that she can't, and won't bother, to fight back (And yes she's staring now; the impulse won sue her).
She can be patient. She has been patient with him for a long time.
She sees him bites his lips and that's a dangerous lane of thought to spiral down to and takes a deep breath, seemingly reaching a resolution.
Oh?
He clears his throat before attempting to speak. "Well, I... I want to say that..."
Yes? Go on. What is it? What? What?
"That..."
That?
"...that I'm... sorry, too."
Eh?
Her eyes bulge. She did not expect that. Sorry for what?
Her confusion is definitely plastered all over her face as Cheol hurries on to explain himself.
"I mean... I was a bit much back there..."
Miae scoffs. "A bit?"
She received a scowl in return. "...and I'm sorry for that."
"Sure I guess..." she mumbles. Well that's something at least.
"And also I... I think I get it."
Oh there's more?
"I mean... I still think what you did was weird as hell and I don't understand why. But. I get it. I think. There's–"
He pauses slightly there, hesitating. As if he's uncertain about sharing what comes next.
"...There are times where I... also don't understand... my own emotions and thoughts. It's scary and frustrating and... it definitely had gotten me do things I'm... not very proud of in hindsight."
Now that is truly unexpected. Immediately, Miae wonders what these 'incidents' were and if she was ever a part of them. There were a lot of times when Cheol was just acting absolutely ridiculous...
"So yeah that's that," he concedes. "I don't understand why you did what you did. But I can be... understanding. Of your struggles and difficulties."
There's familiarity in those words. She thinks like she had heard something similar before. But was it from someone else, or was it actually her own words?
"And..." Here, his voice lower to a murmur, and Miae has to crank her ears to listen to him.
"...And even if you can't explain it, you're always welcome to... to vent I guess. To me. I'll–I'll listen."
Oh.
Miae feels... something inside her chest. It's the opposite of feeling constricting, of something grabbing her heart and squeezing it. It feels freeing and refreshing. It feels fluffy and fluttering.
It feels like... like summer out of all things. Like butterflies and laughter and catching frogs. Like splashing in the river or dancing in a lush green field. Like seeing the once-rocky path before her being cleared through the unexpected consideration and care of one very strange and dearly-beloved boy.
Absentmindedly, Miae scratched her chest. A goofy grin blooms on her face.
Gosh that was so sappy of him. She snickers to herself.
Cheol is looking at her in that way again. In the way that says he's heavily concerned for her mental health. Jerkass.
"What's so funny?" he asks cautiously.
She continues to snicker. "You! You said that you...!"
"She's my friend, so be careful what you say."
"...that you..." she trails off.
"'Ae' as in 'love'."
No! Not this again!
No no no no no no no no she's not this is nothing like that stop it!
Miae shakes her head violently as if she can shake the thoughts out.
(They're never gone entirely but maybe if she shakes hard enough they will one of these days. Or maybe she'll just break her neck and die instead and will not have to deal with this embarrassment.)
"...Riiiight. I guess I'll ignore that one too..." She hears Cheol speaks with clear unease.
Stupid, stupid brain!
Miae pulls on her hair and hides her face, groaning. Why is this day so confusing??
Out of the corner of her eyes she sees Cheol moves again, and, through pure instinct, she immediately reaches out and grabs his shirt. He just drags her along with him.
"Wait wait what are you doing? Where are you going?" Don't go!
He returns to the AC and starts collecting his stationary on it to put back in his backpack.
"Since it's obvious we're not going to study today I'm packing up and go home before anyone notices how long we've been gone."
Ah! Is that why he was here in the first place? Miae can't remember if they had ever scheduled a meeting today, but that doesn't matter right now!
"Wait wait no no no!" She throws herself on top of the AC, effectively covering his stuff and preventing him from putting them away.
Exasperation and resignation colors his face as he looks at her. "What now..."
"Let's study! Yeah let us study!" she says with determination and resolution.
Cheol looks skeptical. "You're sure? We have like less than 10 minutes before your mom would get suspicious and go check..."
"No no no no I'm sure! We're already here so let's make the most of it! We can uh, we can just check with each other questions we're unsure of! That'll be quick!"
To emphasize her words and to show that she's serious, Miae sits down properly and starts taking out her notebooks and pencil.
She furiously flips her notebooks, trying to remember if there was anything from today lessons she couldn't quite understand yet (the truth is she had been zoning out for the better part of today so there's a lot she didn't get but eh).
"Here!" She slams her hand on the question maybe a bit forcefully. "I uh! I didn't get the teacher's explanation on what the author meant here!"
Cheol still looks skeptical, but he still pulls her notebook over to look at her problem. "You really don't have to do this you know? We can study tomorrow."
Miae shakes her head vehemently.
"The term finals is almost here, we need to give it all we have! Let's do our best at it! Plus," She jabs a finger right at him, "I will definitely ace it and beat you, and then you must uphold your end of the bargain got it?"
"Sure..." He sounds amused by her antics.
"Ahhh I can't wait to go back to normal." Miae stretches her arms up, then falls backwards and uses them to prop herself. She catches another airplane flying above them and mentally adds it to her count (she's at uhhhh, 30 something? Whatever).
"No more hiding in dingy dark alleyways like some sort of criminals any time we want to talk! No more nagging teachers! No more idiotic deskmate–! oh no wait..."
Miae goes cold as she suddenly gets to an unpleasant realization. Oh yeah. There was no "switching deskmate back" part in the teachers' condition. No way... Is she really going to be stuck with Jisu for a deskmate for the rest of the year??
But...
So what?
Is she really going to let that deter her? Of course not. These past few days are the solid proof of that. So what if they're no longer deskmates? They'll have plenty more of other opportunities to see each other after all of this; they'll still be in the same class, and they live right next to each other for Pete's sake!
And she will see everyone else again too, for she's not giving up on going back to the academy any time soon. She still keeps all of their letters, all of the encouragements and even the teasings. She will see them again, one way or another, and no one can stop her.
Because once Hwang Miae set her mind on something, she can do it.
All her friends are cheering for her.
Instinctively, her hand goes to her apple hairclip again.
He's cheering for her too.
(And if he believes in her, then it makes her want to believe in herself, too...)
Miae straighten up. "Hey listen up here!"
Cheol jolts and looks up at her, eyes wide in surprise at her suddenly commanding tone.
"I said this once but I'll say it again! We might not get to be deskmate again but don't you dare think that'll release you from me you hear? I'm going to bother you for the rest of your life! Even if I die my ghost would still be haunting your every move and making fun of your every awkward fumble!
"You are never gonna escape me Kim Cheol!"
She finishes her little speech with another finger point right in his face and a cocky smile.
(Hwang Miae is a straightforward person. She says what she means and means what she says. But that also means that there are times she doesn't grasp the full picture of her words and how they can be interpreted. So one must forgive her for not catching on the double meaning of the declaration she just made.
At least one of them do though.)
Cheol's expression morps from stark surprise into baffled amusement as the words she just said really sink in. His mouth actually quirks up into a small smile, and Miae considers that a win for her.
"...What the hell," he huffs out a laugh. "You're such a weirdo..."
That comment snaps her back to reality, and Miae fumes. Can this guy just let her have a moment of peace and appreciation?
"But," he continues before she can start smacking him again. "The same can be said to you too. Someone gotta be there and make sure you don't end up ran over by a car or something one of these days, always looking up at the sky..."
Miae gasps. She finds herself surging up at those words.
"So it's a deal?!" She uses the AC as a leverage to go even further and invades his personal space, causing him to lean back a bit.
Cheol's face redden at their sudden proximity, but Miae pays it no mind. She raises her smallest finger toward him, and he stares at it, a small frown ceased between his eyes. She grins.
"Pinky swear it! Let's always be there for the other! We're friends for life right? So promise that you'll always be there. Promise it."
Promise me you won't leave by the end of this year, even if you do end up ranking first. Promise me you won't leave ever. Promise me you'll stay.
If one were to ask her about this moment, Hwang Miae wouldn't for the life of her be able to answer why she's making this seems so serious. It is nothing to swear pinkies over, nothing like their pact of friendship before.
But this day has been filled with confusing emotions and even more confusing actions, and by this point she feels like she should just follow through on all of them and leave questions for another time.
Deep down Hwang Miae knows she need this promise, this reassurance. And she needs to hear it in Kim Cheol's own voice and words.
The two friends stare at each other, a silent communication between them. She let her eyes tell him everything that she can't, and doesn't know how to, say. From his eyes, she can see the ever-present confusion, but alongside it is an understanding that goes beyond both of their current level of emotional comprehension.
Cheol raises his pinky too and interlock it with hers, the wry smile on face does little to mask the emotions in his voice.
"I promise."
(That day, Cheol and Miae made another promise. One that, at the time, might not seem as important as their first one, but it is one they will not forget either. Like every memory of this year, this is something that will stay with them forever.)
Fingers interlocked and gazes hold steady, only then does Hwang Miae feels reassured.
They're going to be okay. No matter what happens, they'll always find a way to stick together. There has been many obstacles in their path for the pass few days, and there will be more in the future. But Miae is sure she can handle them too, as long as she have Cheol by her side.
No matter what happens, they will always have each other's side.
Everything is going to be okay.
16 years old.
If they're together, they have nothing to be afraid of.
(The end of the 20th century is near. What paths open before them?)