Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eridan has never liked his brother.

His dad claims that he used to look up to Cronus when he was younger, try to copy him and stuff but Eridan thinks he’s lying. He hates his brother, hates who he is and how he acts, why would he ever try to be like him?

And listen, Eridan is no sweetheart, he’s aware he’s an asshole, but in his defence, why should he waste time and energy on people if they’re going to just be annoying as shit?

There is no one in this world Eridan despises more than his older brother though.

From the ripe age of ten, Eridan has watched his brother force himself on random dudes and chics he finds attractive, manipulate his partners, cheat on most of them, and Eridan despised him for it.

Maybe in part to his own terribly unlucky love life, but Eridan hated that Cronus would mistreat partners like that without a second thought. That he’d make people uncomfortable by reaching for a breast, or laying a hand high up on their thigh.

And Cronus had no shame about it either, grinning widely and looking up at them through his eyelashes, leaning in close to whisper in their ear while they curled up, raising their shoulder to their cheek to try and block him as Cronus dropped a hand on their chest or thigh without asking.

Eridan hated him for it, it made him sick, but he didn’t know how to stop it, nor was strong enough to confront him about it.

It was complicated too, sometimes.

Cronus helped him film his audition tapes, helped him get into contact with one of the best acting agents for kids like him, helped him with his speech therapy to get rid of his weird warble and accent, drove him to his shoots and took him out for lunch after.

So Eridan hated and despised his brother, but at the end of the day, he was still his brother and he loved and appreciated him sometimes .

This was the way his life was though, with a deadbeat father who cared more about flirting with women at his job than the two kids he had, Eridan was left with no one to turn to except his older brother.

His older brother, who made sure to buy groceries, and new clothes when Eridan began to sprout up like a weed, and new shoes when Eridan’s began to fall apart, and help him redecorate his room, and convinced their dad to move from Nevada to Hollywood when Eridan began to get more roles in movies.

Eridan hated it.

Hated that he hated his older brother because he was an asshole but that he still loved him because he was a brother.

His brother, who was a terrible person, but went above and beyond to care for him.

Did it make him a terrible person too, to love someone so awful?

Eridan thought it did at least. How can anyone not be terrible when they continue to not report an abuser, when they love and appreciate someone so truly horrendous?

Eridan tries to pretend he’s a normal kid.

A normal kid who hasn’t been in five television shows and two movies and four short films by the age of fourteen and has been acting since he was only six years old.

A normal kid, with a normal dad, a normal brother and a normal life, that’s what he pretends to be.

His audition for Home gets accepted, he auditioned for Shanen but ended up getting his rival, Porshith. A haughty character who has the highest grades in school, completely different from the gritty, rebellious character he had auditioned for.

Nonetheless, Eridan finds a home there.

A home he didn’t have back at his house, a home with friends, a home so blatantly labelled as Home.

He meets Karkat, who makes him a little flustered sometimes with his wide eyed staring and constant proposals to hang out after filming. He meets Feferi, who takes to him quickly and his crush on her is more obvious than a neon sign. He meets Vriska, who he doesn’t get along with too well, but they share a lot of similar hobbies. He meets Terezi, who kind of intimidates him and makes him laugh with her plethora of blind jokes (some of which make him question if he should even be laughing at them). He meets Gamzee, who’s a little strange and has his quirks, but is a nice person to just sit with.

Eridan finds a home on Home, he finds friends and for the first three years of the show's existence, life is great.

He’s not at his house a lot, so he doesn’t have to deal with his dad or his brother, he’s made friends and Karkat’s older brother has begun to drive him to shoots more instead of Cronus.

But then, they begin to age. They turn into proper teeangers and the honeymoon phase of the friendship starts to fizzle.

Eridan is seventeen when everything starts to truly fall apart.

Karkat has gotten more angry, which, all things considered and all that he’s been through, it’s a little bit of a shock it took this long for the anger to come back. Gamzee has a drug problem, and Eridan doesn’t particularly frown at that , addiction is a struggle, it’s almost a disease that controls you, what Eridan frowns upon is Gamzee’s refusal to listen to their advice about it. Terezi and Vriska become this strange duo and ignore the rest of them. And Eridan turns to the only person who will listen to him left, Feferi.

And things go terribly wrong with her.

Eridan and Feferi were as thick as thieves, or so he thought.

Then came the day she snapped and confessed she couldn’t do it, couldn’t be his friend anymore. She was sick and tired of his problems and listening to his issues non-stop, he never gave her time to vent herself, never wanted to have fun, just complain .

And at the time, Eridan had hated her for it, had been so angered that she hadn’t ever even bothered to tell him he was doing something wrong until it was too late (how else was he supposed to change if he didn’t know there was something he needed to change?).

But then he got older, and he realised he had never even given her the chance to tell him, because it had always been about him and his problems, never once had he given her the space for her own issues.

Like salt in the wound though, after Feferi broke off their friendship, she turned around and jumped into dating one of Karkat’s friends, Sollux .

Eridan had hated him from the moment he laid eyes on him (though, he’s lying to himself really, the moment he laid eyes on Sollux, his first thought had been he’s cute and then he hated him), had never liked how close and relaxed he was when there was plenty to stress about. He didn’t like his slang words, or that he acted like he knew so much more than the rest of them just because he was a hacker and not an actor.

So for Feferi, the girl Eridan has had a crush on since he met her, to turn and date the man Eridan had internally claimed as his sworn rival, it made Eridan a little pissy.

He became an unpleasant person to be around, blinded by his rage and his broken heart. He was probably pretty rude to Karkat, who didn’t deserve it especially since he was the only Home actor who still gave him the time of day.

Eridan was bitter, tried flirting with his co-stars, with fans, with others to try and mend his broken heart.

His coworkers then became uncomfortable with him, shifted away on the couch when they did group interviews, leaned to the side when they did photoshoots, acted like he had the plague.

Looking in the mirror one night after some fangirl had punched him in the face after he’d kissed the back of her hand, he sighed.

A hand ran down his face and Cronus burst into the bathroom, snorting as he looked at his brother’s face.

“What do you want?” Eridan asked and as Cronus entered.

“Need to piss, dad’s in the downstairs bathroom.” Cronus said, and without even caring that the door was wide open or that the bathroom was occupied, Cronus drops his pants and begins to piss in the toilet.

Eridan groaned and looked back in the mirror, grimacing as he reached up to touch the deep bruise.

“How’d you get that shiner?” Cronus asked, actively pissing in the toilet and Eridan’s face screwed up at that.

“Some… girl.” Eridan said and Cronus whistled low as he pulled his pants back up.

“Damn, flirt gone wrong?” Cronus asked and Eridan didn’t dignify that with an answer. “Don’t worry, keep it up and you’ll get used to bruises like that. Or you know, just get stronger than them, then they can’t punch you.”

And Cronus leaves, without washing his hands or flushing the toilet but none of that matters to Eridan as he freezes, staring at his reflection.

He was just like his brother.

The thought makes him recoil, makes him want to vomit, makes him want to launch himself out a window because he would soon rather be dead than like his brother.

Eridan vowed right then and there to stop, that it didn’t matter how much his heart hurt, he wasn’t going to try and mend it through strangers.

Well, strangers.

Because he was in the background of Feferi and Sollux’s relationship too, trying to get them to break up, flirting with them both like if the other caught him they’d split for cheating or something. 

And they did break up eventually, but to Eridan’s dismay, they stayed close friends.

And he watched with a firm frown and tears in his eyes as Sollux had the friendship Eridan had with Feferi, or thought he had.

Watches them laugh over inside jokes, borrow each other’s clothes. Somehow, they were more unbearable as friends then when they were dating. 

Spitefully, Eridan picked out things about them that were ridiculous. Like how Sollux’s lisp got worse when he was tired, or how Feferi’s laugh was too high pitched. Sollux was skinny as shit and tall as fuck, whereas Feferi was plump and she was shorter than even Karkat. Sollux’s hair stuck out strangely while Feferi’s curled into waves. They were too different from each other that they looked ridiculous side by side.

But their personalities meshed well.

Sollux’s laid back and humorous nature mixed well with Feferi’s sweet and bubbly characteristics.

Eridan couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand them together and he wanted Feferi back.

He tried to make up with her, but she refused to listen. He tried to show her that he changed but she didn’t want to see it. He wants to win her back, win back her friendship, just have someone who fucking cares about him and isn’t a godawful human.

It pisses Sollux off though.

Sollux is screaming at him more times than not and Eridan is screaming right back.

It gets public, the fans know Sollux’s name by this point despite Sollux not being an actor, the fans speculate that Eridan is jealous Sollux dated Feferi and that’s not even it. Eridan just wanted Feferi’s friendship back and he’s so full of anger and heartbreak that all he wants is to scream. 

He wants to punch, bite, kick and scream . Scream that it’s unfair, unfair that the one friend he had was taken away and Eridan doesn’t even really hate Sollux that much, but the gamer pays full attention to him when Eridan is yelling at him and attention is all Eridan craves anymore.

Eridan is eighteen and in a meeting with Jane, who smiles tight lipped at him, red lipstick smeared into a single line. She’s pissed at him but trying to remain professional as Cronus leaned back in his seat.

“Explain.” Jane said and Eridan looked down at the magazine that had been handed to him, on the cover of it, he was screaming at Sollux, hand gripping his shirt, other raised ready to punch him.

“We got into a small disagreement.” Eridan told her plainly and Jane’s smile gets tighter.

“Small disagreement.” She quotes before rising to a standing position. “ Small . Dis-a-gree-ment?! ”

Eridan flinched and covered his ears as Cronus scoffed with an eye roll.

“This is all over the news, everywhere! Movie deals have closed, people have called me to cancel interviews, there has been a public outrage! There are multiple articles about you and this-this innocent bystander fighting!” Jane shouted.

“He’s not an innocent bystander!” Eridan shouted, standing up and knocking his chair back. “All he does is mock me and verbally harass me! And we didn’t physically fight! That picture is taken out of context!”

“I don’t care about what he said to you, you put your hands on him and now I have to do damage control!” Jane said.

“It’s your fucking job,” Cronus said. “We don’t pay you to sit on your ass all day.”

“Cronus!” Eridan hissed out and Cronus rolled his eyes at his brother.

“We can just stop paying you.” Cronus added.

“Oh, go ahead, stop paying me, I’ll drop him as a client.” Jane said. “Would spare me the headache of having to clean up this mess!”

“You wouldn’t do that.” Cronus said. “Eridan is one of your most successful clients, won an award for most emotional death in his second year of acting. Had been nominated for multiple awards, and won most of them. How many of your pathetic little clients are that successful and this young?”

“Shut up!” Eridan told his brother while Jane stewed in anger.

“So, what’s it going to be, will you drop him and risk losing even more clients because they saw you quit trying to clean up a small little mess, or will you keep doing what we fucking pay you for, bitch?” Cronus snarked and Jane huffed.

Eridan thought she might explode with how red her face was turning and she slammed her hands on her desk hard.

“You are not as important to me as you think you are!” She growled out.

“So you’re dropping him as a client?” Cronus asked and despite being eighteen years and a literal adult, Eridan felt like crying as he watched his brother carelessly bet Eridan’s career like it was a poker game.

“I’ll fix this mess.” Jane said, voice low and steady. “But, if he gets into any sort of trouble like this again, our contract is terminated.”

“That’s what I thought.” Cronus said with a snarky grin and Eridan huffed, ducking his head.

“I’m sorry Ms. Crocker, I won’t get into trouble like this again.” Eridan said, his voice was shaking as he blinked back tears and Jane turned to him, her seething expression softening a little.

“You better not.” She said, gave him a once over and her frown disappeared. “And see a therapist.”

Eridan nodded and then grabbed his brother by the sleeve of his leather jacket and pulled him out of the conference room.

“I fucking hate you!” Eridan shouted at him and Cronus' mouth dropped at that. 

“Hate me ? What the fuck?! I just saved your ass back there, that bitch was going to shit on you for expressing your emotions. I mean, we’re fucking men, fighting is how we assert our dominance!” Cronus argued.

Eridan shoved Cronus into the elevator harshly, the older man tripping over his feet and slamming his face into the wall as Eridan hit the button for the lobby, crossing his arms.

“Jane has given me so many opportunities for my career. If it weren’t for her, I would be nothing , and you called her a bitch! She doesn’t deserve that, no woman deserves to be talked to like that.” Eridan said and Cronus rolled his eyes.

“See, talk like that is why you’re not an alpha male like me.” Cronus said and Eridan scoffed at that. “You need to put a woman in place. Jane was being a bitch to you, so I called her out on it.”

“She was doing her job ,” Eridan defended. “This is why you can never have a stable relationship.”

“I can have a stable relationship.” Cronus said and Eridan laughed at that as the elevator doors opened.

“Oh really? You can have a stable relationship? Try dating someone for at least a year, dipshit.” Eridan challenged and Cronus grimaced at that.

“Uch, sounds like work.” Cronus said and Eridan waved a hand as they left through the side door.

“Exactly what I mean.” Eridan said and then Cronus tried to get into the driver’s seat of his car and Eridan pushed him to the side.

“Oh come on, let me fucking drive.” Cronus groaned.

“After today? No, fucking way.” Eridan said and then locked the doors the moment he got in.

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” Cronus shouted as he pulled at the door and Eridan rolled his window down, sticking his head out.

“Fucking walk!” Eridan told him and Cronus scoffed and kicked the car harshly, shaking it a little.

“You mother fucker! I’m gonna tell dad!” Cronus threatened, like it was any sort of threat at all. Yes, go ahead, asshole, tell our absent father I made you walk home, I’m really sure he’ll care. Because he hasn’t cared once about either of us since we were born, surely this will change things.

“Dad can kiss my ass!” Eridan yelled back before driving away.

Looking back years later, Eridan would forever blame himself for being the reason Cronus and Kankri met, for the fact they met after Eridan practically dared Cronus into dating someone for longer than a week. 

They didn’t start dating at first, and foolishly Eridan hoped that meant Kankri was safe, that he wouldn’t be affected by Cronus’ creepiness.

But then Cronus stopped dating other people, practically latched onto Kankri like a leech, hung out at his place all the time, hung out with his friends, flirted with him all the time.

The Accident happened, Home was paused for filming since Gamzee had a few broken bones and Karkat’s mental health had significantly decreased, and Eridan suddenly had a lot more downtime since he was still suffering the repercussions of his public fight with Sollux.

And Cronus announced he and Kankri were dating, with hands on his hips and a shit eating grin.

Eridan had a bad feeling about it, but a big part of him wanted to believe his brother was changing, so he foolishly let himself believe it, he didn’t do anything to discourage his brother from his relationship.

Eridan was alone now, not able to hang out with any of his castmates with the excuse that they could practise scenes, not able to hang out with Karkat (something they did very very little but Eridan enjoyed the few times they did hang out), and he graduated his online highschool program and had no plan for college (come on, he was already successful) so he had no classmates to talk to.

He didn’t even have his shitty older brother to hang out with.

Not that he’d want to but still .

Eridan hated everything. Hating having lost the only friend he ever really cared about, about making his castmates hate him so bad they never wanted to get within five feet of him, about being such a fucking loser that he had zero friends to hang out with.

It was suffocating sitting in his house, mansion , alone. His father is always out on business trips and Cronus now following Kankri around like a lost puppy, there was no one ever home. The first month alone, Eridan had tried to make the most of it, playing music as loud as possible, watching movies at top volume in their theatre room, everything.

It didn’t stop the overwhelming feeling of being alone . It actually made it worse more often than not and Eridan gave up on trying to fill the massive space and ended up most times just tucking himself away in his room.

One night in particular though, the quietness, the overwhelming feeling of being alone an his own thoughts bouncing around in his head become too much for him. 

Eridan gets up and grabs his keys and wallet, completely forgetting his phone as he rushes outside to his car, not giving a single damn as to where he’s going, but just needing to get out of there, away from his giant empty home where he was losing his mind.

Eridan knows it’s ridiculous, to be so upset and sad, thinking his life is so pathetic when there are people suffering with worse. So what that he has daddy issues? So what his older brother is an asshole? So what he feels alone in his fucking mansion ? Has anything truly awful happened to him? No, but Eridan can’t help but pity himself, can’t help but to be so displeased with his life and yearn for more.

Yearn for people he can be friends with, yearn for a life where his dad cares about him, where his mom didn’t walk out on him the week after he was born and then fucking die two years later, yearn for maybe just a normal life, where he could get into a fight with a guy he didn’t like and not have it broadcasted across the world, yearn for someone who fucking cares and loves him as much as he’s willing to love someone else.

Eridan angrily drove down the road, his radio station tuned into the local pop punk station, blasted as loud as possible as he (slowly, because god was traffic awful here) drove down the road.

He had no specific destination, no place in mind set to go, just to go, get away from his house, get away from everything.

Eridan ended up driving for close to an hour, though he didn’t get very far with how clogged up the roads were, before he pulled off the road and over to a nearby Dairy Queen because he was suddenly craving a comfort food, and nothing was more comforting when you hated yourself than ice cream.

He slammed his door shut and locked his car, pushing a hand through his silky plain black hair before entering to retrieve a frozen treat.

He waited on line, suddenly having half a mind to open and actually check his wallet to make sure he had money (he was by no means poor, but most of his money he earned from acting his dad took as “rent” or to “put away in savings” though Eridan doubted that was actually where any of it went. And Eridan did have a good amount of his own money saved, but it was in a safe in his room hidden from his brother and not on his card) before shuffling forward in line.

“Uh, an oreo blizzard please.” Eridan mumbled awkwardly and the cashier girl smiled softly at him.

“Bad night?” She asked as she punched his order in and Eridan huffed.

“Something like that.” He mumbled and she told him his total and he handed over the singular ten dollar bill he owned before moving by the counter.

The moment his ice cream was ready, he grabbed it and rushed to an eating area outside, sitting down on the curb rather than a table as he slowly ate the frozen treat, staring off into space, his thoughts just muddling into one in his head.

The staff exit door behind him opened and he didn’t bother to turn around.

At least, not until a familiar voice spoke.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” 

Eridan whipped around and looked up, his dull blue eyes coming up to meet a pair of 3D movie glasses.

“Sollux?” Eridan asked, frowning a little and Sollux scoffed as he took a few steps out, letting the staff door close before he begrudgingly took a seat next to Eridan, lighting a cigarette.

“What are you doing here, Ampora?” Sollux asked, side eyeing him as he took a long drawl from his cigarette. Eridan pulled up his shirt to cover his nose and hopefully keep the smell away. “What, can’t stand a little cigarette smoke?”

“No, sorry, just…” Eridan set his ice cream down next to him and waved a hand around mindlessly. “My brother smokes a lot, it's… I don’t mind it.” He was lying, he hated the smell of cigarette smoke almost more than he hated his brother, but he also wasn’t in a mood to start a fight right now. He wasn’t sure if he even had the energy to drive back home. He felt so drained suddenly.

Sollux stared at him long and hard before moving the cigarette away from Eridan and stomping it out.

“It’s whatever, bad habit anyway.” Sollux mumbled and Eridan looked down at his knees, unsure of what to say, sort of waiting in anticipation for Sollux to say something that pissed him off too much for him to stay silent.

Sollux had a way of just pushing Eridan’s buttons.

They’re both quiet for a long moment before Eridan begins to poke at his ice cream again, it’s already half melted because of the warm weather and Eridan suddenly doesn’t have an appetite.

“Why the fuck are you all the way out here?” Sollux asked and Eridan sighed. “I thought you lived closer to the studio.”

“I do. Just needed away from my house.” Eridan mumbled. “Wasn’t really paying attention to where I was driving exactly.”

Sollux nodded and began to pick at his nails. They were painted black and severely chipped. They both sit quietly for a long while.

“I thought you worked as a programmer for some company.” Eridan said when the silence began to become suffocating.

Sollux shrugged. “I might’ve… accessed some folders and files my boss didn’t want me to see. Got fired so,” Sollux gestured at the building behind them. “Working here as punishment. My dad said I should know better than to get caught.” 

Eridan doesn’t know how to respond again, or exactly even understand what’s going on. So he asked.

“Aren’t you going to start being annoying or something?” Eridan asked, staring into his blizzard cup instead of glancing at the man next to him.

Sollux scoffed with a shake of his head.

“Geez, Ampora.” Sollux said. “I’m not awful , you know. Not gonna pick a fight with a dude who looks like his puppy just got run over.”

“I don’t have a puppy.” Eridan said and Sollux chuckled a little.

“It’s an expression. You look majorly bummed out.” Sollux said and Eridan shrugged.

“It’s stupid.” Eridan said and Sollux shrugged right back at him.

“It’s not stupid if it’s upsetting you like this, man.” He shot back, tilting his head and offering a soft smile at Eridan.

Which, wow. Who knew Sollux could be so caring and not always just an annoying shit?

Eridan stares at him for a moment, squints a little and Sollux makes a face back at him.

“What?” Sollux asked, in that kind of pissed off way that normally annoys Eridan. 

“You’re being nice.” Eridan claimed and Sollux rolled his eyes and put his 3D sunglasses back on.

“Uh, yeah dude. I’m not an asshole.” Sollux stated.

“You are ,” Eridan argued. “That’s why I’m so confused.”

“I’m not-” Sollux paused and then sighed. “Look, you just piss me off most times.”

“Yeah, same.” Eridan said and then shook his head. “But normally because you’re like, actively being annoying. So why aren’t you now?”

Sollux huffed exasperatedly and waved a hand around.

“I don’t know , honestly, okay?” Sollux said. “Maybe because you haven’t been up my ass for like a few months and I forgot I’m supposed to hate you because I’m actually a little worried or something, man.”

“You hate me?” Eridan asked, barely hearing the rest, and it hurt a little. Like, by no means do he and Sollux get along, but to hear the other hates him kind of stings.

Sollux was quiet for a moment and then shook his head.

“No, I don’t.” Sollux mumbled. “Do you hate me?”

“No.” There’s no question about it. Eridan hates two people in the world, his brother and his deceased mother. Even then he finds himself questioning the two. He doesn’t hate many people. Sure people piss him off and annoy him, but he doesn’t tend to hate people. Strongly dislike everyone in the world, yes but hate? Never. 

“Cool.” Sollux mumbled.

A silence falls over them again, but this time, it’s not suffocating. It’s like a weighted blanket being draped over them.

After that day, something strange happened.

Eridan had formed this weird, not exactly a friendship , but a sort of allyship with Sollux.

Sometimes when the silence got too deafening in Eridan’s house, or when Cronus would get especially on his nerves, he’d grab his keys and drive all the way out to the Dairy Queen where Sollux worked.

Eridan would get ice cream, eat outside and Sollux would come out and join him for however long it took until Eridan’s legs couldn’t stand sitting down that long.

And they would just talk, about everything, about nothing, about life, about death, about family, about friends, about feeling lonely, about feeling too popular, about themselves and about each other.

Eridan felt strangely like he knew everything about Sollux and didn’t mind one bit that the other knew everything about him right back.

They weren’t always on good terms, they were both assholes at heart with short tempers who knew exactly how pissed the other off. 

And it was strange, because sometimes Eridan just wanted to talk and enjoy time with Sollux but then he’d get scared, because every person he’s ever gotten close to has left him, so he tries to get Sollux mad at him.

They’ll be sitting and laughing and then Eridan will feel that sense of panic wash over and then say something dumb about how grating Sollux’s lisp is and Sollux’s laughter will die off, then he makes a snide comment about Eridan’s accent, and then before you know it, they’re going back and forth.

But, regardless, Eridan is happy.

He has… a friend? Someone he trusts, in his life. His show is back and Caliborn is listening to his ideas for his character and writing them in. He and Karkat are becoming friends. Feferi is still keeping him at arm’s length, but she’ll smile at him now sometimes. Terezi and Vriska are still this weird tag team but they don’t target Eridan to bully anymore. Gamzee isn’t a close friend but he jokes around with him. His dad is at the house more than once a month now, even took him out to dinner as a treat once. Cronus is actually tolerable to be around and Eridan lets himself believe that he’s changed, he’s a good person now because he found someone like Kankri, who is nothing but good to change him.

Life is going well.

Eridan is nineteen now, he’s sat at one of the Dairy Queen tables because Sollux’s boss had yelled at them for sitting on the curb right in front of the exit too many times now. Eridan is eating the cookie bits from his frozen treat when the door opens, a familiar tall and lanky figure making his way over.

Sollux dropped a massive bag of crushed oreos on the table with a grin and Eridan gave him a strange look.

“You’re always eating the cookie parts first,” Sollux said. “Figured you liked them so I grabbed some extra for you.”

Eridan felt his heart skip a beat and his ears burn but he rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bag, trying to pretend that Sollux noticing such a small thing didn’t mean the absolute world to Eridan.

“This feels like a shit ton, man,” Eridan said and Sollux shrugged as he took off his sunglasses and lit a cigarette, making sure the wind was blowing away from Eridan as he exhaled out.

“It’s my last day working here.” Sollux said and Eridan gives him a strange look at that.

“Got fired already? What did you get caught making dick jokes in front of kids?” He asked and Sollux flipped him off with an easy grin.

“ No . I got hired.” Sollux corrected. “There’s some guy, he’s making a video game. Did all the art and music for it but needs someone to program it all. He works with this huge company though so if I do this, then I’m gonna get some serious street cred and practically have jobs flowing in non-stop.”

Eridan nodded a little.

“You didn’t understand any of that?” Sollux joked.

“Not really.” Eridan admitted and Sollux shrugged.

“Basically got a lot of programming jobs coming in.” Sollux said. “Won’t have time to be slinging ice cream for a bunch of bratty little children and angsty teenagers.”

At that last part, Sollux flicks a chunk of oreo at Eridan.

“I’ll have you know, I won’t be a teenager for much longer.” Eridan huffed and Sollux grinned.

“Yeah in like eight months, bro.” Sollux pointed out. “For now, you are an angsty teenager. Soon you’ll get to join the ranks of depressed adults like us cool people.”

“You’re barely a year older, dude.” Eridan shot back and Sollux just shrugged with a grin before flicking another chunk of oreo.

They didn’t hang out at Dairy Queen anymore since Sollux didn’t work there. For a month after Sollux quit, they didn’t hang out at all, actually.

Maybe it was because neither of them had fully admitted they were friends yet, and hanging out at each other’s place would bring that aspect into light, might mean too much, make it real.

So the next time they saw each other, they argued, they yelled and fought until they were red in the face and stormed off, pissed at each other with an unsatisfied feeling sinking in their chests.

Because it was easier to scream and yell sometimes than to admit they were friends, to admit they cared about each other.

Months passed and they still didn’t really hang out in person.

But they texted and called a lot .

Everything around Eridan began to remind him of Sollux and it was getting a little painful because he couldn’t keep denying how much he missed the presence of the other teen.

Sometimes they hung out together with Karkat.

Or sometimes Sollux tagged along with Mituna to their sets, would sit in a guest chair and watch them film, would make fun of Eridan’s character, smile charmingly at Feferi, tease Karkat and it was nice.

But Eridan just wanted to hang out with him alone, and they hadn’t done that in what felt like years now.

Months and months pass and they call and talk regularly, but they never have time to meet up in person.

So of course it happens when neither of them were expecting it.

Eridan is hiding out at lunch, ducking into a small cafe for a quick bagel and drink in a nice, off the corner restaurant.

He looks out the door, just to make sure the weird ass paparazzi chic wasn’t following him anymore and sighs in relief when the coast is clear.

He turns around and comes face to face with Sollux and Mituna.

Sollux’s face lights up and Mituna rolled his eyes, wordlessly taking the drinks Sollux had been holding and adding them to his armful of drinks.

“E.D.!” Sollux greeted. “What’s up man?”

“Hiding out from Entertainment Weekly for some lunch.” Eridan replied, trying to catch his breath a bit. “You?”

“Well he was doing coffee runs with me.” Mituna grumbled, moving past them. “You better not take forever.”

Sollux winks at Eridan as he promises Mituna he won’t.

“Come on, dude, we haven’t hung out like… forever.” Sollux said and pulled Eridan into a booth. Eridan feels a little giddy as followed the other but feigns nonchalance. They both order quickly before Eridan responds to Sollux.

“We’ve hung out some,” Eridan says, because he’s trying not to seem so pathetic over that fact that despite the fact he hates Sollux he also really likes Sollux and enjoys quality time with him. 

“Uh, yeah , with like a dozen other people around.” Sollux said and then grabbed something out of his pocket and put it on the table. “Anyway, remember that game job I told you about?”

“The uhhh, programming... thing, right?” Eridan asked and Sollux laughed and nodded.

“Yeah that,” Sollux said and shrugged. “I hacked the dude’s interface system and got fired. Dad thought it was funny that I didn’t learn my lesson so he didn’t even bother grounding me. Anyway, I got bored and started doing a lot of coding and, like, practising getting into locked out sites, accidentally got myself a job.” 

“Acci- How do you accidentally get yourself a job by getting into locked sites?” Eridan asked and Sollux grinned toothily. His teeth were a little crooked, not anywhere near white, but Eridan still thought his smile was perfect.

“I was hacking into a site, just to see if I could and there was like, a dozen fucking firewalls protecting their shit and I took them all down. Some other coders caught me and instead of like, hacking my entire system and deleting everything I have, they wanted me to join their like, crew?” Sollux explained. “It’s hard to explain to a non-coder but basically, I have a kind of job now.”

Eridan stared at him blankly and Sollux rolled his eyes. “It’s a good thing, celebrate.” Sollux said and Eridan nodded.

“Congratulations,” Eridan said and Sollux just laughed loudly, making Eridan smile softly at him. Sollux smiled gently back and then ducked his head, awkwardly picking at his nails, the red and blue nail polish that’s hastily applied already chipped to all hell.

The waitress comes over, handing Sollux a canned energy drink (and Eridan genuinely thinks he needs to cut back on the caffeine before he has a heart attack) and a small sandwich before handing Eridan his tea and pastry.

They both eat some of their food before talking again.

“Is this weird? This is weird right?” Sollux asked and Eridan shrugged.

“What’s weird?” Eridan asked and Sollux sighed.

“I dunno, us? We text all the time, we used to fight all the time and now we’re just, what? Meeting up for lunch?” Sollux said and Eridan shrugged again.

“Why would that be weird?” Eridan asked and Sollux rolled his eyes. 

“You really don’t find any of this weird? Or awkward?” Sollux asked and Eridan shook his head.

“You’re one of the only people I feel comfortable with.” Eridan informed. “Like, one of the only people I ever don’t feel awkward with. Even if we are fighting.” 

Sollux stared at him for a long moment so Eridan stares back, takes him in.

His pale skin, almost grey from the lack of sunlight due to him shut in his room gaming and coding all the time. Faded freckles that gather on the tip of his nose, deep eyebags and dark circles under his eyes, the way one of his eyes is a reddish brown and the other is a greenish blue, the messy way his blonde hair whipped around his face and stuck out wildly. The 3D shades he always insisted on wearing despite multiple doctors saying it would ruin the fuck out of his vision pushed up on his head like a headband, holding some of his wild hair back. 

Sollux exhales in disbelief then, shaking his head.

“Fuck you,” Sollux said, with no real heat, smiling down at his sandwich.

They start to hang out regularly again then. After shoots, in between filming, before Sollux disappears for forty eight hours into a coding project. They begin texting and calling almost any time they’re apart as well. 

Sometimes when Eridan has to stay over late for filming, Sollux will call him in between takes, making him laugh and smile (or yell and scream) enough to keep him up for the late filming. 

It’s fun, it’s aggravating. Because they’re Eridan and Sollux and they’ll always find a way to end up fighting with each other.

“Oh, are you fucking kidding?” Sollux shouts across the phone and Eridan rolls his eyes. “You don’t even fucking understand this shit, don’t act like you know anything!”

“I’m just saying, asshole , to stop whining like a bitch about it,” Eridan shot back. “ You chose to be a coder and chose this much work, don’t bitch and moan about the workload you get from it.”

“Oh, so next time you’re crying about late filming and how exhausting it is, should I just hang up on you?” Sollux argued.

“That’s completely different!” Eridan defended. “You just sit at your little desk all day, typing away at your computer with your shit posture. Meanwhile I’m out here acting, emotionally and physically! I have to do so much. Imagine having to do the exact same take over and over?”

“Oh fucking come on !” Sollux shouted. “Imagine sitting, writing hours and hours of code only for the entire thing to not work because you forgot one letter or number and having to go back and redo the whole thing !”

Eridan huffed and stood up angrily, ready to start fighting more but he was called to come on set, so instead he hangs up.

And the next day, Sollux is calling him excitedly to tell him about this new movie he saw and Eridan is just as excitedly talking back.

They’re a weird pair, one would think they’re a toxic friendship. And maybe they are, maybe they’re downright awful for each other, but neither of them have a complaint with how they are, neither of them would change the other, so this is how it is, and this is how they both like it.

Eridan is collapsed on the floor after an extraneous day of filming. His character and Karkat’s had a prank war which proved to be more physically exhausting then one would’ve thought. Especially after having to refilm over and over. He knows Karkat is absolutely in a similar state in the privacy of his own dressing room, but Eridan couldn’t be bothered to drag himself all the way over.

“Hey, Eridan.” A voice calls and Eridan rolls over on his side before bolting upright. 

“Fef! Uh, Feferi, hey.” Eridan said, clearing his throat and she smiled warmly, tilting her head to the outside door.

“Can we talk a bit?” She asked and Eridan stared at her, a little stunned.

She hasn’t spoken to him since... Well, since she and Sollux had broken up besides to tell him to fuck off.

“Uh- ye-yeah! Yeah, definitely.” Eridan scrambled to his feet and Feferi’s smile softened as they walked outside. They sat down on the steps leading outside and they were silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Feferi said, gently. “The way our friendship ended... I went about it wrong.”

“No,” Eridan said, shaking his head. “You were right about what you said. And I- With everything with Sollux after, I behaved... wrong.”

Feferi sighed and shook her head, turning.

“We both made mistakes,” Feferi settled on. “But... I should’ve talked to you. I shouldn’t have just... bottled it all up. I felt like our friendship was a one-way street but that’s because I helped make it so. I made like... zero effort to communicate.”

“But I should’ve made room for you to feel comfortable to.” Eridan shot back. “I made you feel like you couldn’t even talk to me about this. I went on and on about myself and never even thought about how draining that could’ve been for you. So I’m sorry.”

“No, no, Eridan, I’m sorry.” Feferi said. “Really, this is on me.”

“If it’s on anyone, it’s on me, so I’m sorry.” Eridan said and he and Feferi just stare at each other for a moment.

And then they both break into laughter, giggling over themselves and Feferi grabs his hand, startling him out of his laughter.

“I would really like to be your friend again.” Feferi said and Eridan smiles gently at her, nodding. “I’d like to be yours as well.” He said and she smiles and nods.

“So it’s settled, besties again?” She asked and Eridan nodded but held up a finger.

“Under one condition.” He said and she raised her eyebrow with a sceptical, yet teasing, look.

“What condition?” She asked and he reaches his pinky finger out to her.

“Promise me you’ll communicate.” Eridan said and Feferi smiled, nodding.

“Promise you’ll do the same, then.” She said and he nods before they linked their pinkies together.

Eridan goes home that day, elated and ready to tell Sollux about it. He’s walking down the hall to his room when he hears it.

A woman, sobbing out and screaming for help, but her voice is muffled.

Eridan immediately goes into fight or flight mode, looking around to see if there’s any signs of a break in before following the sound down the hall to Cronus’ room.

Eridan’s blood turns cold and he swallows thickly, shuffling silently towards his brother’s room. There’s a loud thud, the sobbing becomes louder, a floorboard creaks, and then Cronus’ voice, sharp and loud above it all:

“ Shut up and take it, you bitch!” Cronus hissed and Eridan frowned tightly, dropping his bag and kicking the door open.

Cronus is pressing a girl down into his bed, hand covering her mouth and other hand up her skirt. His pants are undone and he’s pressing his crotch into her leg. Her eyes go wide and she starts crying even more as Eridan bursts into the room.

“The fuck you want?” Cronus shouted and Eridan huffed, storming over and pushing Cronus off the bed. He hits the ground with a thud and the girl scrambles to her feet, racing out of the room. “Look what you did!”

“What I did?!” Eridan shouted and shoves at his brother again before he can stand up. “You’re fucking kidding! You’re an awful human being! I should report you to the cops for assaulting that girl!”

“Oh, should you now?” Cronus asked, standing to his full height and towering over Eridan. “You’ll... report me for assault ? With what evidence? With whose statement? You think she’s gonna admit to that? And even if she does, who’s going to believe her ?”

Eridan opened and closed his mouth and Cronus grins sickeningly at him, moving and circling Eridan, making him feel small. 

“Let’s say you do get her to confess,” Cronus said, voice low and threatening. “Let’s say that people believe her. Let’s say there’s a whole trial and I get in trouble, cause Dad sure as shit wouldn’t pay my bail. How do you think that’s going to look for you? Younger brother of a sexual assaulter? The actor who makes his castmates uncomfortable, the actor who’s gotten punched in the face for kissing a fan's hand, they’ll think you’re just like me . Cause face it, you pretty much are.”

“I’m nothing like you,” Eridan defended and Cronus scoffed at him.

“You’re not?” Cronus asked, teasingly. “So you... You didn’t flirt with all your castmates, making them all so uncomfortable that they didn’t want to even be a foot near you? So you didn’t flirt with so many random fans that it got out to public news and everyone started calling you a womaniser? So you didn’t completely ruin your only chance at being friends with Feferi because you wanted her all to yourself and that fucking tech nerd got in the way?”

“Feferi and I made up!” Eridan defended and Cronus rolled his eyes, ruffling Eridan’s hair condescendingly. 

“And how long do you think that will last?” Cronus asked and then grabbed Eridan’s shoulders from behind, shaking him a little. “Face it, you’re the same as me. I’m the same as Dad. Dad’s just like grandpa. Us Ampora men are too good for the general public, we know everyone is just objects to us, just there for our pleasure and we take what’s ours.”

Cronus’ fingers dug into Eridan’s shoulders and the young actor winced, trying to lean away from his brother’s grip but Cronus didn’t let it up.

“If you report me to the police, your whole life will be ruined.” Cronus’ voice is low, threatening, and sends a terrifying shiver down his spine, making Eridan swallow thickly. “And once your life is ruined, it’ll spread to all your dumb little actor friends. And then to their friends, and then their friends, until you’ve ruined everyone around you’s life.”

Eridan is frozen solid, eyes wide and staring blankly at the wall before him, shoulders almost numb from the pain of Cronus’s fingernails digging into his shoulder. His jaw is tight from how hard he clenches it, eyes burning with unshed tears.

Cronus shoves him forward harshly, sneering at him. 

“So, go ahead. Ruin my life, ruin your life, ruin everyone’s life just because you think you care about this bitch you don’t even know the name of.” Cronus said and then shoves him again, towards his door before kicking him harshly out of his room.

Eridan falls to his ass in the hallway and Cronus sneers down at him.

“What? Too afraid , little bro?” Cronus asked and Eridan swallowed thickly, staring up at him before he wordlessly turns away and gets to his feet. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought.”

Eridan drags himself to his room, feeling weaker than he had before, like each of his limbs weighed eighty pounds and then some.

He closes his door, and then with shaking hands, locks it, before leaning against it.

Eridan is frozen, in shock, as his eyes stare unmoving at his dark and cold room.

He doesn’t move for what feels like years, tears mindlessly dripping down his cheek, shoulders shaking with muffled sobs.

Eridan finally stands up straight before letting out a loud and guttural scream.

He pulls the blankets off of his bed, tossing them to his floor. He kicks the legs of his desk, not caring for the loud splintering sound they make in complaint. He shoves all his books off his book shelf, watching them tumble to the floor.

He screams again, louder this time, his throat protesting but he doesn’t let up as he tears up his room in frustration.

He screams and screams, and destroys and destroys. And when his body gives up, collapses from exhaustion and he joins the pile of objects on his floor, he still screams.

Just like his brother, he doesn’t know how fucking else to show his emotions except to destroy everything around him.

Eridan lets out one last pathetic shout before he lets himself succumb to fatigue.

He wakes up the next day two minutes before his alarm goes off.

He gets to the studio to film, not bothering to change his tired and worn out appearance.

Feferi comes over and skips up to him, bouncy, joyful with a blinding smile, that falters when she sees Eridan’s state.

“Woah, what the flip happened to you?” She asked, and Eridan wants to crawl into his skin, pull up that asshole exterior he’s so used to, hide behind a layer of anger and come off as a douchebag to everyone around him so they’ll just fucking leave him alone .

But he’s tired, and he can’t lie to Feferi, not after what he promised, he owes her the truth for once.

“Cronus,” Eridan said, and winces as his voice comes out strained and gravelly. Feferi’s eyes widen in shock.

“Omigosh, your voice!” She said and dragged him to sit in his chair, resting her hands comfortingly on his shoulders. “Wait here, I’m gonna get you some tea.”

She scampers off and Eridan goes boneless in the chair, staring out at the set. It’s just him, Feferi and some background actors today. Which he’s grateful for cause he’s not sure if he’d be able to put up with Terezi and Vriska’s pranks, or Gamzee and Karkat’s arguing today (they’ve been like that ever since The Accident).

Feferi comes back quickly, a cup of steaming liquid in one hand and a croissant wrapped in a napkin in the other. She hands both to Eridan with a gentle smile and he takes them graciously, drinking the tea and nibbling on the croissant. Feferi pulls her chair close to his so they’re pressed against each other and she runs her hands through his hair soothingly and he leans into her touch.

Eridan missed this. He’s missed his best friend, missed her soothing touches. He’s not actually sure if he ever romantically liked her, or if he just felt like he had to , but he’s glad she’s back, glad he has her again.

“So, what happened?” Her voice is low, gentle and wrapping them in their own private bubble, tuning out the sounds of Caliborn barking orders at background actors and what they’re supposed to be doing.

“I can’t- I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.” Eridan said and Feferi nods gently. “That’s okay,” She said, and she sounds earnest. “Do you think you’re going to be able to film today though? We can sneak out.”

Eridan lights up a little at that. “Like old times?” He asked and she grinned wickedly. “Like old times.” She said.

Before he knows it, they’re cackling as they run down the road, Caliborn shouting loudly at them to get back on set, but neither listen, just run as fast as their legs will take them.

Which isn’t too far, only to the deli down the road. Eridan collapses in one of the seats, wheezing and coughing as he tries to catch his breath and Feferi laughs, breathless and in a similar state.

“Oh cod,” She says through wheezes. “Oh cod , we should hit a gym soon. We are not meant to be doing this kind of exercise.”

Eridan laughs at that and nods. “I haven’t done that much exercise since like- Like first grade PE.”

“ Right ?!” Feferi says and a waitress comes over and wordlessly places a menu for them on the table. “Come on, let’s get some real food. On me.” 

It’s a tough few days after that, Eridan doesn’t want to go home, where he’ll be alone with Cronus, who right now scares him to his bones. He’s not sure what Cronus would do, but what he does know is that Cronus is taller, stronger, and faster than him. And his dad won’t be home for another month.

He feels a little paranoid, a little ridiculous, but he buys a taser.

It’s almost wand shaped, thin, easy to conceal, but powerful, so he can hide it in his sleeve if he’s that scared that he’ll need it on him but would need to hide it.

He goes a little crazy the following weeks, paranoid at him, too scared to sleep, fearing for some foolish reason that Cronus would do something like kill him in his sleep to make sure Eridan doesn’t run to the police and report him. Or maybe- A dark, twisted part of his mind whispers. Maybe he’ll do something worse.

And because of these thoughts that creep into Eridan’s mind and scare the shit out of him, he’s unable to doze off at night until it's from complete exhaustion. And because he’s gotten no sleep, he comes to shoots dead on his feet.

It gets to the point that Karkat, who’s been so stressed out with his own shit that he’s shut everyone out, approaches him about it.

“Hey, dude, are you, like, fucking okay?” Karkat asked, brows furrowed together and Eridan weakly shrugged.

“Having an off day.” Eridan mumbled and Karkat laughed at him. 

“Off month is more like it.” Karkat said and shook his head. “What’s the matter, you haven’t been an asshole lately, it’s actually a little concerning.”

Eridan frowns and stares forward, wordless for a moment.

“Am I that big of an asshole?” Eridan asked, not looking at Karkat. “That much of an asshole that everyone notices when I’m fucking what, low energy just because I haven’t been ruining everyone’s life?”

“Look, that’s not what I meant-” “But it is, isn’t?” Eridan interrupted. “You all can barely stand me. None of you ever want to hang out because you all hate me or- Or you’re uncomfortable with me. I go out with you to a- A fucking bakery and you’re shifting away from me like I’m the fucking plague ! I get it, okay? I’m an asshole, I have an asshole brother, none of you like me, you don’t have to fucking pretend!”

Karkat frowned deeply then, glaring at Eridan.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Karkat grumbled and backed up. “Fuck you then man, just wanted to check in on you but of course you’re fucking being dramatic about everything.” 

And Karkat stomps away to go and start a meaningless fight with Gamzee and Eridan just rolls his eyes.

He’s uncooperative the whole day, pissing Caliborn off and in return everyone else since he’s pushing schedules back.

Caliborn dismisses him early to fix his shit and he storms out.

Eridan doesn’t want to go home, he doesn’t want to go home with his asshole brother he’s terrified of, but he has nowhere else to go.

He wonders for a moment, how pathetic it would be to curl up on a bench and sleep in the park for the night before remembering the police would probably arrest him for doing so. 

He’s debating dropping some money on a hotel for the night when his phone rings and he picks it up.

“What the hell, asshole? Too good to fucking call me, or what?” Sollux sounds pissed on the other end and Eridan sighs before hanging up without saying a word.

Seconds later, his phone is ringing again and he picks it up, staring blankly forward, eyes unseeing.

“What’s wrong?” Sollux’s voice is soft now, caring and Eridan just melts into it, melts into the comfort the other’s voice brings in that moment.

“Stuff,” Eridan mumbled, looking down and picking at a seam on his jeans. Sollux scoffs at him.

“ Stuff ,” He mocks. “Stuff doesn’t normally have you dodging my texts and calls for days at a time. You sound like you got hit by a truck, did you?”

“No, just haven’t slept a lot lately.” Eridan said and Sollux sighs.

“Why not? Your massive bed too comfortable?” Sollux teased and Eridan is silent for a moment.

He can’t tell Sollux, cause Sollux would tell the police, and then it would get out about Cronus and everyone’s careers would be ruined because of him.

But he doesn’t want to not tell Sollux either.

“I don’t feel safe in my house lately is all.” Eridan mumbled, voice low and quiet, part of him hoping his voice doesn’t even get picked up but another, more selfish part hoping Sollux hears every word.

And he does. Of course he does.

“Woah, what, why not?” Sollux asked, concern deep in his voice and Eridan bites his lip.

“Stuff... Stuff happened with Cronus, I really don’t want to talk about it.” Eridan said and Sollux was quiet for a moment.

“Wanna come over?” Sollux asked and Eridan’s fatigue quickly washes away as he looks at his phone in shock before bringing it back to his ear.

“What?” Eridan asked, thinking maybe the sleep deprivation is getting to him and he’s beginning to hallucinate. Maybe he should call a hospital or something before he dies from fatigue.

“I said, want to come over?” Sollux asked again. “If you don’t want to, that’s totally chill. I’m not, like, forcing you to. You can come over, take a nap or shit. I dunno, if you want you could sleep over, get some sleep. But I get it if you don’t want to, or if you’re not comfortable. Actually, nevermind, you can just forget I said anything, it’s actually a fucking strange request-”

“Sollux,” Eridan said once his brain actually processed anything Sollux was saying. “Are you sure?”

Sollux was silent for a moment and then groaned.

“Yeah, just come over quickly before I fucking change my mind.”

It took Eridan almost an hour to go home, grab clothes and then drive over to the Captor’s apartment, and he had been nervous that maybe Sollux had changed his mind, but the other had just opened the door and then waved him in.

Sollux led him to his bedroom and gestured at a chair in the corner.

“You can put your stuff there, and then, uh, yeah my bed is there if you want to nap or shit.” Sollux gestured awkwardly and Eridan took him up on the offer, flopping onto the bed unceremoniously and passing out almost the second his head hit the pillow.

Eridan wakes up hours later, he’s not sure how long he’s been asleep, just that it’s almost pitch black in the room. Eridan doesn’t want to be awake yet though, still tired so he grasps at the edge of sleep receding into his mind, attempting to firmly grab it and pass out again.

He fails and instead focuses on sounds in the room, beeping from Sollux’s electronics, the clacking of keyboards under Sollux’s fingers, the humming of a fan, and the sound of Sollux talking to someone on his phone.

“KK, it’s no big deal, he needed to sleep, I’m letting him sleep.” Sollux said.

He must be on speaker, because Eridan hears Karkat’s reply clearly.

“He’s a fucking creep dude.” Karkat said. “You shouldn’t even be talking to him, much less letting him into your fucking house. And he’s been fucking weird for weeks, that’s normally when psychos like him snap. Don’t trust him.”

“Just because you don’t trust him doesn’t mean I can’t.” Sollux shot back. “I’m my own person you know.”

“I know you are, I’m just fucking trying to protect you asshole! I mean come on, what if he fucking tries to do something to you, like come onto you or something? Or... Or worse ?”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Sollux shot back. “And even if he did, I know how to defend myself.”

“You’ve seen those fucking YouTube compilations, right? The ones of him making me and the rest of the cast uncomfortable?”

“I’m not trying to like, water down your experience or make it sound like I’m invalidating you dude, but those compilations were made when he was like fucking fifteen. Dude’s grown since then.”

“Look, you’re one of my best friends, I’m trying to look out for you.”

“I don’t need you to though.”

“.... Fine, whatever, fuck you.”

There’s a loud beep of Karkat ending the call and Sollux sighed, his chair creaking.

Eridan frowns and shuffles to hide his face in Sollux’s pillow some.

Yeah, Eridan knew he was a fucking creep. Whatever. He’s not going to deny that he’s made countless people uncomfortable because he flirts too much and doesn’t have a strong enough grasp on social cues to get when his advances are unwanted.

And yeah, he knew Karkat didn’t like him or whatever, that the rest of his friends were all uncomfortable with him as well, couldn’t stand to be with him alone because he had been a desperate teenager who wanted to date someone.

But it has been years, and Eridan has tried to change. To not flirt, to understand when someone was uncomfortable, for all the graces of god to be anything but his brother.

He wasn’t doing a good enough job though. Karkat called Sollux to warn him about Eridan.

Eridan kind of wants to die.

“Ignore him,” Sollux said with a long sigh and Eridan goes rigid where he’s laying on Sollux’s bed. “I know you’re awake.”

Eridan sets his jaw and sits up slowly, not meeting Sollux’s eyes and Sollux doesn’t turn to him, still typing away at his computer.

“KK has been through a lot the past year, you know?” Sollux said. “With Nepeta in the hospital, Gamzee hiding shit, the media hounding on him, it’s a lot. He doesn’t mean it, he’s just angry, he knows you’re a good person.”

“Yeah, cause I warn my friends about people molesting them when I think they’re good people,” Eridan grumbled sarcastically and then exhaled, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m not my brother.”

“I know you aren’t,” Sollux said, and it’s earnest, like Sollux believes it to be true. Like it’s a cold hard fact to him and he’s never once even believed anything besides that.

It settles something in Eridan’s chest a little and he doesn’t say anything back, just sitting with that bumping around in his head.

It’s quiet in the room for a long time then. Neither say anything, listening to the clacks of keys, the whir of Sollux’s fan going, the sound of the screens’ static buzzing in the air.

It’s a little too warm in the room, the sun has gone down so it’s gotten dark in the room as well. The only light comes from those stupid fucking LED light strips Sollux has along the tops of his walls and his computer screens.

The room is a mess, there’s barely any floor space because along every wall are speakers, CD players, VHS players, screens, computers, parts of computers, dismantled PCs, abandoned projects. There’s a pile of clothes on the floor near Sollux’s door, there’s a box of half finished pizza at the end of his bed and dozens of empty redbull cans littered across the floor.

Eridan kind of wants to die, but he also kind of never wants to leave Sollux Captor’s room.

And he doesn’t, not for three days.

Sollux lets him stay, no questions asked. He doesn’t force Eridan to tell him why he doesn’t want to go home, but he makes a point to let Eridan know he can tell him if he needs to.

Eridan barely leaves the other boys room, barely leaves his bed in fact, and Sollux doesn’t mind one bit, hasn’t even made any comment about it. Simply grabbed some extra blankets from the closet and slept on the floor without a single word.

Sollux and Eridan don’t speak much during the day. Eridan just scrolls on his phone, ignoring Caliborn’s many calls and texts demanding he come back to the studio while Sollux sits hunched over his computer, typing away and chugging down Redbull.

Mituna comes in late at night on the second day, starting to go off about something he’s pissed about but immediately cuts himself off when he sees Eridan.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Mituna asked, glaring daggers at Eridan and Sollux shrugged.

“Chilling,” Sollux responded and Eridan feels frozen under Mituna’s unhidden glare. Normally the older man had his bangs covering his eyes or he wore that massive helmet of his, but right now his hair was pushed back and his bloodshot eyes were staring deep into Eridan’s soul, like he knew all his deepest darkest secrets.

“Why?” Mituna asked and Eridan stares back at him, feeling small.

“Because I said he could,” Sollux said. “Now did you need something cause if not get the fuck out of my room.”

Mituna glares at Eridan for another long moment.

“Cronus know you’re here?” Mituna asked and Eridan goes stiff, jaw clenched.

“Please don’t tell him,” Eridan begged and Mituna stares for another long moment. There’s something in his gaze that Eridan can’t understand. It’s calculated, worried, concerned and.... Something else. Something Eridan can’t read and he’s a little scared by whatever unknown emotion Mituna is surveying him with.

Mituna then looks over at Sollux, who finally takes his gaze away from his computer to stare back at his older brother, gaze challenging and Mituna takes it, staring wide eyed at the young programmer, not even blinking.

Whatever is in Sollux’s gaze has Mituna lowering his guard, his shoulders fall and his body becomes loose. He casts a last glance over at Eridan, less heated, less threatening, but still worried, before turning around.

“Whatever,” He said and slammed Sollux’s door shut, leaving.

Besides that, the three days are chill.

Eridan leaves on his own accord after, figuring he’s had enough time to collect himself, and he’s been wearing the same clothes for too long now, and he can’t not go to work forever. He’s also gotten plenty of rest and is feeling a bit more energised.

When he tells Sollux he’s going home, the other doesn’t even spare him a second glance, just waves his hand gently and Eridan is gone.

He texts him later demanding to know if he got home safely and Eridan smiles to himself, heart racing a little in his chest.

The months after begin to fly by.

Cronus... Eridan isn’t sure what’s going on with him. He seems frustrated, pissed a lot. But then he’ll catch Cronus on the phone with Kankri and he seems so happy. 

Cronus cheats on Kankri a lot though, and it’s weird. Eridan can see that Cronus likes Kankri, a lot. And he knows they’re together, no matter how hard they try to hide it. So he doesn’t get it, but he doesn’t ask.

Cronus isn’t too terrible, he almost seems... better.

He’ll be nicer to Eridan, he’ll even get him snacks while he’s out or a magazine he found with his face on the cover. He’ll wish him luck before shoots, he even will make dinner for him sometimes (he’s a terrible cook but it’s the thought that counts).

Eridan kind of likes it. He’s still wary, but he’s a little excited about this change. Maybe Cronus has seen he’s been a terrible person, maybe he’s changing and becoming a better person.

He stops bringing by people to cheat on Kankri with, he seems a little happier, and it’s not like he’s suddenly a golden human anymore. He still says and does shitty things, it’s just, they’re less shitty now is all.

But Sollux warns him, tells him to keep an eye on Cronus or he’s gonna hurt someone. 

Sollux demands in a low voice to keep him the fuck away from Mituna , tells him to look out for Mituna and look out for Kankri.

Eridan asks why and Sollux says he can’t tell, but that he’s worried for Mituna. That he’s worried Cronus is going to cross a line with Kankri.

Eridan does his best, but Mituna works for Kankri and Cronus follows Kankri around like a dog and there’s not much he can do about it.

Eridan just hopes whatever Sollux is worried about doesn’t come to pass.

Months and months and months go by.

He and Sollux’s... friendship? Hateship? Whatever doesn’t develop much further. Eridan isn’t sure if it’s because Sollux doesn’t want to or if, like Eridan, he’s scared of what it means if they get closer.

Eridan likes Sollux... a lot . And he’s never felt like this about someone before and he’s scared of what it means.

But he also still kind of hates Sollux sometimes. Still fights and shouts and argues with him, still has screaming matches and can’t stand the sight of him some days.

And he’s confused.

And it’s scary.

Eridan doesn’t want to mess up, not again. He ruined his and Feferi’s friendship by thinking he loved her, by trying to be in a romantic relationship with her, by not knowing what he was feeling.

He likes the idea of dating Sollux, he even presses a hand over his mouth to hide a smile when he thinks about what it’d be like. Them watching a movie and arguing over who the best character is. Them having a picnic while Sollux whines about whatever his newest project is. Bringing Sollux to a red carpet meeting while Eridan grumbles about how much he hates these events. 

The thoughts make something like butterflies flutter in his stomach.

They also make something like dread fill in his chest.

Eridan watches Cronus rest his hands on Kankri’s waist, bringing him in for a close and Kankri’s face flashes with something like discomfort before he smiles weakly and presses a chaste kiss to Cronus’ lips.

Cronus tries to deepen the kiss but the manager puts a hand on his chest and pushes him back. “Goodnight, Crow,” Kankri said and he walks away.

Cronus scoffs and enters the house, slamming the door shut and Eridan rushes back to his room before Cronus can catch him and call him a voyeur or something equally as stupid.

Eridan thinks about it though, a lot.

He watches them a lot after, and okay, maybe it’s kind of stalker-ish, but he’s worried .

Cronus has changed... a little. He’s monogamous, it seems now, he seems to really like Kankri too since they’ve been together for a while now when Cronus normally dates someone for a month max and then dips.

But Eridan is just worried, he likes Kankri, he likes Karkat, and heaven knows their entire family has been through more than enough to last them a lifetime.

Their father passing when they were both young, then Kankri taking on the parental role for Karkat, then losing (almost losing) Nepeta in the car accident, and now with whatever emotional rebellion Karkat is going through, Kankri doesn’t deserve anything else bad happening to him.

Especially not from Cronus.

So Eridan watches when he can.

When Kankri stops by the house, when he and Cronus are doing lunch runs, when Cronus is picking him up after a meeting, Eridan watches it all.

How Kankri will smile warmly at Cronus like he’s placed the sun and moon in the sky just for him and how Cronus will stare at him back with a heated gaze instead.

How Kankri always has little gifts for Cronus or something of the like while Cronus struggles to even remember Kankri’s phone number.

How Kankri seems to want to keep their relationship private and Cronus will do anything to make it obvious they’re together.

How Cronus will place a hand on Kankri’s thigh and Kankri will go stiff and with a forced smile remove his hand.

Eridan sees it all, and he doesn’t think it’s too worrying, a red flag maybe but no reason to sound the alarms.

Months later he’s proven wrong, and he feels nothing but guilt for not realising sooner. For not looking deeper at the red flags, for believing someone like Cronus could ever truly change, to just let Kankri suffer the fallout.

Eridan had just finished watching the absolute shitshow that was Karkat and Dave’s (apparently Karkat’s boyfriend that he’s been hiding for months but Eridan, honestly, doesn’t believe that one bit) interview on Rufioh’s show when a car pulls up outside. He’s about to just brush it off, text Karkat and ask if everything is okay, before he remembers there shouldn’t be a car in his driveway because his dad is out for a business trip for another few days and Cronus is supposed to be at the Rufioh show lot as well.

Worried it was the paparazzi or yet another stalker coming to harass him or obsess over him, Eridan rolls over on his bed, peeking out his window a little shyly.

He spots Kankri’s fancy rental car outside and frowns deeply. He was not supposed to be here.

Eridan makes his way down the stairs and turns on the porch lights, not exiting the house yet, but just trying to see what was going on.

Eridan watches the car shake a bit like someone is moving around in it, and he can hear muffled arguing. He frowns at that and reaches for his jacket by the door that had his taser in it, something in him just felt... off, worried.

He didn’t move still, simply watching the car shake some more before it jolted violently a few times, triggering the driveway lights on and Eridan squinted to try and see better but now the lights created a glare on the passenger window so he couldn’t even try to look at silhouettes.

The driver’s door opened and Eridan heard a thud and frowned deeply before the person that had fallen to the ground moved some and Eridan could see Kankri on the ground, weeping a little.

Alarms screamed in Eridan’s head and his guard was up in seconds, he shoved his shoes on as fast as humanly possible before he swung open the door, finding his brother sitting on Kankri and pinning him down. 

“CRONUS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” Eridan shouted and he was relieved to see Cronus jolt and try to scramble off of Kankri immediately, the manager going boneless on the ground, sobbing out so loudly it hurt Eridan’s heart to hear.

He should’ve known, he should’ve warned Kankri, he should’ve reported Cronus the last time he saw something happen, he shouldn’t have just turned a blind eye.

He ignores whatever Cronus is trying to say and shoves him off of Kankri, kneeling down next to the other worriedly.

“Holy shit, Kankri, are you okay?” Eridan asked. Stupid question to ask, he scolded himself as Kankri violently shakes his head no, face still pressed down in the driveway like he doesn’t have enough energy to move.

Eridan feels murderous as Cronus begins to try and talk his way out of it.

“We’re just having fun. Like boyfriends do. Sorry you’re pathetically single and wouldn’t understand.” Cronus said with a sneer and Eridan turns, glaring the sharpest of daggers into Cronus.

“This isn’t fun ,” Eridan stated. “He is crying , Cronus. I can’t fucking believe you-”

Eridan cuts himself off though, rubbing his temples. The problem is he can believe, he can believe that this is something Cronus has done, because he’s attempted it before, he attempted it before and Eridan should’ve reported him, and he should’ve known he’d try again.

Sollux talking about how Cronus would cross a line one day with Kankri.

God he was an idiot for not listening.

“Sollux was right,” Eridan grumbled. “Argh, fuck. I hate saying those fucking words.”

Cronus grins and looks like an evil fucking villain as he does, glancing at Kankri and winking. Kankri lets out a choked sob and presses his face into the ground more, like he’s trying to burrow under ground and Eridan turns to his brother.

“Get the fuck inside.” Eridan shouts at him, because he needs Cronus to get away, he needs Kankri to know he’s safe, to be safe, he needs to make sure Kankri is okay (he knows he’s not but he needs to try).

Cronus scoffs at Eridan. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

Eridan stands up then and meets Cronus’ eyes with a challenging glare and the taser is held tightly in his hands, crackling to life and filling the air with a loud, terrifying sound.

Cronus jumps back, having been at the threatening end of it before now and Eridan uses his moment of fear to point at their house.

“INSIDE!” Eridan ordered, screaming as loud as he was physically able.

Cronus scoffs and rolls his eyes, heading inside and away.

“FUCK YOU!” Kankri says, voice broken, teary and wrecked.

Cronus turns with a grin. “I TRIED! ” and before Eridan can shout at him again, he slams the front door shut behind him.

Eridan stands guard for a moment longer, to make sure Cronus wasn’t going to come back out after or anything, before he drops to his knees and focuses on Kankri again.

“Holy shit, I- Fuck I don’t even know what to do. Do you need a ride home? Are you- Did he actually…?” Eridan trailed off, not knowing how to finish that question, Did my brother rape you? Or if it was even entirely appropriate to ask him. Eridan needs to know if this has ever happened before, how much he needs to hate Cronus.

He feels relief flood through him as Kankri sits up and shakes his head. He’s shivering, and despite being years older than Eridan, he looks so small, so young right now and it just breaks Eridan’s heart.

He should’ve known, he should’ve stopped Cronus before, should’ve gotten them to break up, should’ve reported his brother, this is his fault.  

“You- You came out just before.” Kankri informed, hugging himself tightly, chin tucked against his chest and he inhaled shakily. “I still…. I still have to pick up Karkat from- The uh… The show.” 

Eridan swallowed thickly, brows furrowed because on top of all of this, Kankri really didn’t need more shit to deal with.

“You didn’t see what happened?” Eridan asked and Kankri sniffled, eyes tearing up and looking just dreadful as he shook his head.

Eridan pulls his phone out of his pocket and quickly opens the app he’d just been watching Rufioh’s show on, rewinding a bit and turning it around so Kankri could watch the absolute disaster that had happened.

Kankri watched the video before he groaned deeply, sounding a bit like a wounded animal and Eridan wanted to hold him, comfort him, anything, but he knew the older man wasn’t fond of physical affection so he kept all his limbs to himself.

“I can drive you back if you need.” Eridan offered, wanting to do something to help. He didn’t really know what he was supposed to do in this situation.

“No, no I’m sorry but I- You’re too similar.” Kankri said, voice panicked suddenly and his breathing became erratic. “I can’t.”

Eridan feels his world crash down a bit at that and he swallows thickly.

“Oh,” He said, trying to hide the hurt. He saved Kankri, he just stopped it from going any further but he- No, no, Kankri was right, he was just like his brother. Because he had allowed it to happen. Didn’t do anything to prevent it. He knew this was a possibility and did nothing. He’s not just the same, he’s worse . “I- Uhm, good- Good luck driving. Stay safe.”

Eridan gets to his feet then, trying to force himself inside before he started doing something utterly pathetic, like crying in front of a man who just got assaulted. He didn’t want Kankri to feel worse, and it really wasn’t his fault Eridan was like his brother, no, that was Eridan’s fault. 

He glances back at Kankri one last time to make sure he’s okay, sees him getting to his feet and sighs, entering his house.

He waits downstairs until Kankri has driven off, then he angrily storms the house to find Cronus.

“WHAT. THE. HELL . IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Eridan shouted, stomping up the steps so hard they creaked and moaned for him to stop.

Cronus didn’t respond, but Eridan didn’t care, coming up to his bedroom door, Eridan kicked the door open and Cronus shot up from where he was laying in his bed.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Cronus shouted at him, glaring like Eridan was the one causing problems.

“You just almost fucking raped your boyfriend thats what’s up!” Eridan shouted. “What part of no means no did you never understand?!”

“He never said no,” Cronus said with a grin, like this was some grand “gotcha” moment. “Not once during the entire ordeal did he say no.”

“Okay, get this through your thick fucking skull right now ,” Eridan took an angry step forward. “If someone doesn’t say yes then that means FUCKING NO! It’s such a basic concept that even kindergartners understand it!”

“Oh fucking whatever about yes and no, he was my boyfriend and he went off some stupid shit about being asexual, he’s just making up excuses so he can probably go cheat on me,” Cronus grumbled and Eridan really wanted to bash his head in a wall.

“Are you a fucking idiot?” Eridan asked. “First off, you have cheated on Kankri so what would it matter if he cheated on you? Two, who the hell would Kankri even cheat with ? Third, asexual isn’t a made up excuse, it’s an actual fucking identity , same as homosexual or bisexual! You are just an asshole who believes you’re entitled to fuck anything that moves.”

“I’m a warm blooded man, E,” Cronus said, grinning snarkily. “I do get to fuck anything that moves.”

“No! You don’t!” Eridan shouted and paused for a moment, trying to calm himself, but he was so enraged. So mad at Cronus, mad for Kankri, mad that a human like Cronus even fucking exists. “I’m going to call the police.”

“What about your reputation?” Cronus tried. “Your friends' reputations, everyone you know lives will be ruined because of you.”

“You hurt Kankri!” Eridan shouted. “Emotionally and physically because I didn’t do anything to stop you last time. I’m not letting you do that to anymore people, no more of my friends should have to suffer through this.”

Eridan turned to leave, made to grab his phone to call the police but Cronus jumps to his feet and grabs Eridan’s arm, his fist clenching tightly around Eridan’s arm painfully hard and the actor winces in pain.

“You’re going to tell everyone?” Cronus asked, voice low, threatening, terrifying and Eridan felt himself go still with paralysing fear. “Let the whole world know that Kankri was almost, what you said, raped? Do you know how embarrassing that’d be for him? That he couldn’t save himself , that you had to come along and stop me?

“He’d be so hurt, upset by the fact you told everyone he can’t get it up apparently. And you know how the media twists things, how stuff spreads. Kankri wouldn’t be able to go anywhere without someone asking him, without someone teasing him. Maybe others might even try to get in his pants, you know, help him get it up. Provide him some much needed relief.

“Go ahead, why don’t you? Go ahead and tell the whole world what happened here tonight, I’m sure Kankri would be so thankful you told everyone about his personal business.” Cronus shoves Eridan forward then and Eridan is so shocked he can’t even stumble to catch himself, simply falls and hits the floor face first.

He rolls over quickly, fear being the only thing that keeps him moving, staring up at Cronus with wide eyes.

Eridan looks down at his phone, gripped tight in his hand. The corner of the screen is cracked just a little with one big crack across the screen from his fall. Open, ready to call 9-1-1.

But Cronus is right.

This-

Eridan isn’t sure he’d want to tell anyone if he was in Kankri’s place, let alone the world . This could just ruin Kankri’s life even more. He-

He doesn’t know what to do.

Eridan swallows thickly and Cronus smirks.

“You yell and scream at me for the things I do, but little brother, you’re gonna be worse than me when you grow up.” Cronus stated. “Keeping selfish secrets, ruining lives, flirting your way through Hollywood. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if you started sucking people off just to get roles. Prostituting yourself like a fucking whore.”

Eridan sits up and tries to get to his feet but Cronus kicks his stomach harshly and keeps his foot on him, keeping him down.

“I’m not like you!” Eridan tried to defend but Cronus scoffed with an eyeroll.

“You say that over and over, but you haven’t had a single date yet. You’re what, almost 21? You haven’t even had your first kiss yet. I was 15 when I had mine. After that I craved it, so I got it from anyone I could. You’ll do just the same.” Cronus said. “You’re a complete loner like I was, no friends, no one to trust, not a soul who wants to spend a day with you, forget a night.”

“I have friends! ” Eridan defended.

“Like who? What friends do you have? And don’t name your stupid fucking actor friends, they only put up with you because they have to.” Cronus snapped. “Who would want to spend time with you? Who would even trust you at this point? With all those dirty secrets and lies you keep, why would anyone trust you with themselves? Who in the fucking world is going to look at you and not see me looking right back? All your friends know me, they all hate me, so they hate you .”

Eridan feels tears welling up in his eyes and his stomach hurts from where Cronus rests his weight on him, almost standing on him at this point and he feels sick from it.

“Sollux,” Eridan said, and he found himself a little surprised at how quickly the name fell from his lips.

I’m not my brother.

I know you aren’t.

It comes to Eridan so easily, and he believes what he says for once. Sollux never has seen him as Cronus, he knows he’s nothing like his brother, he trusts him, enough to let him stay at his house, in his room for days or nights on end when he’s too scared to come home. 

Cronus glares a little at that, staring at Eridan like he’s trying to see if it’s a lie or something.

“Holy shit,” Cronus said and laughed loudly. “Wow! You like the little fucker, how cute . The actor and the hacker. Could be a hallmark movie.”

“It’s not like that,” Eridan said. “We’re friends. Just friends.”

“Sure,” Cronus said, sneering at Eridan. “But you don’t want to be just friends, do you? You want to date him? It consumes you whole, doesn’t it? You’re going to go mad if you don’t date him, and when he rejects you, you’re gonna cry, like the goddamn fucking pussy you are. You're not going to be able to handle his rejection. You’ll do something about it. If I were you-”

“You’re not though!” Eridan’s hand disappears under his sleeve where he’d tucked the taser back before, gripping it tightly, “You’re not me, and I’m not you! I’m not letting you try and get in my fucking head!”

“Okay, get this through your fucking head then,” Cronus said and leaned more of his weight on Eridan’s stomach and the actor cried out in pain and Cronus leaned down. “You tell anyone about what happened, and I’ll fucking kill you. Or better yet, I’ll kill Sollux . That sound fucking fair to you?”

Eridan has felt fear before, but never fear like this. His brother pinning him to the ground and yelling at him, threatening to fucking kill him .

Before, it had been a silly fear, and he hadn’t even feared genuinely being killed; he at most feared getting hurt. Or, there’s a dark twisted thought that crosses his mind, and maybe that’s worse than being killed.

He had no doubt right now though that Cronus would make good on his threat. That if he told a single soul about what happened, about anything that’s happened, Cronus would kill him, or Sollux.

Eridan goes stiff, he has no response and Cronus grins, stepping off of his stomach and Eridan groaned as Cronus retreated back to his room, feeling bile rise in his throat and he turns to the side, emptying his stomach onto the hallway floor and he almost collapses in a puddle of tears before guilt stops him.

What has Cronus done to him? Besides stand on his stomach and yell? Nothing. Sure, he’s threatened him, but so far? Eridan believes that he has been spared from most of Cronus’ cruelty. Yet tonight Cronus assaulted and attacked Kankri. Eridan doesn’t deserve to sit here, pitying himself when Kankri has been through real shit tonight.

He tries to swallow back his tears and only succeeds in choking a bit, gagging and throwing up a little more.

Eridan forces himself to his feet after and to clean up his mess, and he moves around his house quietly, fearing angering Cronus somehow.

This sucks, what the hell.

He played a character years ago who had an abusive dad and he had remembered at the time of playing the role thinking why hadn’t the kid just called the police? Reported him, moved, anything? Surely he was just choosing to stay to have something to complain about.

Cronus isn’t his dad, but he gets it now. Gets why the kid didn’t just tell someone, why he hid it and was ashamed.

Eridan finished cleaning his mess and retreated to his room, locking the door and keeping his hand tight around his taser.

It would offer little protection, not having a high voltage, but when he had bought it, it had been for simple protection, not to actually harm anyone.

He thinks that maybe he was a fool for that.

Eridan misses work some more after that (they’re done filming for the season, but there’s still interviews, table reads, etc), mostly photoshoots, meetings with Jane and such. Everyone calls him, his phone blowing up and he ignores everyone again. His dad comes home the third day but Eridan is still shaken with fear that he doesn’t want to go out and greet him.

He flinches when he hears Cronus start yet another fight with him before leaving and slamming the door shut.

Sollux calls once or twice the first few days, sends a dozen texts, and then after the fifth day of silence stops.

So Eridan lays in bed the sixth day, starving, wasting away and tired from staying up, jumping at every little noise, when someone knocks on their front door.

He expected his dad to get it, or maybe Cronus, so he doesn’t budge from the cocoon of his blankets, only burying deeper.

His dad shouts for Cronus to open the door and Cronus yells an absurd amount of obscenities back at him until his dad sighs and opens the door himself.

Whoever it is at the door is talking too quietly for Eridan to hear and his dad’s voice becomes muffled as well. Probably a package delivery that needed signing then.

The front door slams shut and Eridan hears his dad sigh loudly as the sound of multiple footsteps walk up the steps. 

Eridan doesn’t think much about it until his bedroom door opens. He peeks out from his bundle of blankets and then sits upright quickly.

“Sollux?” Eridan exclaimed in surprise. Sollux stands in his doorway grinning lazily with a bag in his hand. Then a head pops out from behind him, smiling widely and warmly. “Fef! What are- Why are you guys here?”

“You’ve been dodging everyone’s calls,” Sollux stated, entering the room and closing the door after Feferi filed in. She immediately starts bustling about, shoving Eridan’s dirty clothes into the hamper in his closet and then sitting next to him on the bed. “Thought you died for a second.”

“Is everything okay?” Feferi asked, resting a hand on his bicep. “I’m worried. We’re worried.”

Eridan gapes a bit as he watches Sollux walk around, observing his room with an amused grin. 

“I’m- fine,” Eridan lied. He can’t tell them. He can’t .

“You’re clearly not,” Sollux said, vaguely gesturing at Eridan’s entire being. “You look like shit.”

“Geez, thanks,” Eridan deadpanned and Feferi rolled her eyes. “Sollux, behave.” She chided and Sollux scoffed and turned back to observing the room.

“Eridan, you can trust us.” Feferi said. “It’s not good to keep the things that burden you to yourself.”

“I know,” Eridan mumbled and then lowered his voice, aware Cronus was just down the hall and probably listening to every word exchanged between them. “I just can’t .” 

Sollux turns at that, a dark expression hidden behind his 3D glasses and he straightens his posture, glancing at Eridan’s door. Eridan watches him a little nervously as Sollux paces around the room. Feferi distracts him though by suddenly wrapping her entire body around him and Eridan can’t help the way he just melts into her.

It’s been a while since she’s held him, been a while since anyone’s held him, really, and he misses it. So who's to blame him for the way he goes completely boneless in her hold, curling into her and forgetting that Sollux was being oddly suspicious.

“When you can talk about it, we’re here to listen, okay?” Feferi says and Eridan nods into her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Eridan said. “Having you both here is enough, honestly.”

Feferi pulls back and smiles at Eridan, something mischievous gleaming in her eyes and she turns to Sollux, who’s poking around at stuff on Eridan’s desk.

“Stop snooping and get over here,” Feferi ordered and Sollux turns and rolls his eyes, plopping down on the other side of Eridan and leaning against him, an arm looping lazily around his waist and the touch sets a fire inside Eridan. 

Eridan is stiff in their hold for a few minutes until Sollux gently tugs at his waist and Eridan leans into him, resting his head on his shoulder.

It’s more intimate than they’ve ever been, in fact, Eridan doesn’t think he can even name five (non-violent) times they’ve ever touched. High fived once or twice, an elbow jostling each other now and then, exactly one, very awkward and quick side hug.

Nothing like this though, and Eridan is a little worried that maybe he’s misread the situation, as he’s become notoriously famous for. Those thoughts are diminished when Sollux moves his hand from his waist up to settle in Eridan’s hair, carding through his unbrushed hair gently, working through the tangles and knots carefully.

Feferi has her legs draped across his lap, a hand settled on his back and rubbing carefully, comfortingly.

His life sucks, sure but he’s okay with that if he gets to have his best friend and his crush holding him like this for even just a moment.