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~oOo~
“I love you, and that's the beginning and end of everything.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald
~oOo~
Olivia
1999
In the beginning, Olivia realizes that she loves her partner on a Tuesday afternoon.
Six weeks into their partnership, a twenty-seven-year-old man, on trial for rape, decides to fire a .22 Sig Sauer into the courtroom.
Six bullets are fired and one lands half an arm’s length into the column Elliot's hiding behind for cover. Her heart clenches during the long panicked glances the new partners share in realizing — if he'd been a half step to his right…
In the same moment, everything clicks.
I love him.
I love him when he glances at me with that goofy half-smirk and his warm, shining eyes that read me like a book.
I love him when he knows my coffee order, calls me out, and everything seems to be perfectly in motion when we're together.
I love him and I'm not supposed to, she recognizes in the minutes after the suspect is neutralized and she catches the glint of his wedding band.
He's somebody else's husband.
~oOo~
2014
After two years of silence and a psychotic man that nearly breaks her, she recognizes that Elliot’s either left her or has died.
Be honest, Olivia tells herself when he doesn't appear during her kidnapping or trial. He left you.
He didn't choose me.
He wouldn't choose me.
The thoughts after two years sear her heart like a scar that throbs in ebbs and flows for eight more years. She’ll love, she'll cry, she’ll find a little boy in a dresser drawer that’ll heal other parts of her in the eight years—the aftermath of him and her and them .
She doesn't let him go, though, through Brian and Ed and the little flings during the eight years. She'll occasionally thumb through a box of his items that are kept in a small box in the attic on the days he’s supposed to be here. With me. Seeing these life-changing moments.
So, Olivia Margaret Benson survives and lives until a pandemic nearly ends the world and Elliot’s here on U.S. soil.
And Kathy’s dead.
~oOo~
2024
She can't see. Or breathe.
A visit to a woman hiding in a shelter results in a fire and a trapped Olivia on a Tuesday morning.
In the midst of an interview at a woman’s shelter, a fire breaks out in the kitchen and traps Olivia and the witness to a rape, Eliana Morales, in the building's small recreational room. Both kneeling in the corner of the room, Olivia covers her mouth with the collar of her blazer while covering Eliana with her right arm.
With emergency response times averaging eight to nine minutes, Olivia estimates they have two minutes left to wait.
“I don't want to die!” Eliana sobs between the blaring fire alarms and her own coughs.
“We're going to be ok,” Olivia says between coughs. She flinches at the smoke peeking through the slits of the room's door. “We're going to get out of here and be ok!”
It's a hopeful wish for both of them.
We're going to be ok is more than just surviving the fire.
She knows that Eliana Morales is one interview from finally getting the paralegal position she's been fighting for after escaping an abusive home in Ohio. We're going to be ok includes the hope of a future vacation judging by the Disneyland sticker on the woman’s portfolio next to the taped scribbling by her son.
And for Olivia, we're going to be ok has to mean forgiveness to herself for Maddie, whether she finds the teen or not. It has to mean recognizing her limits and needs as a human, a mother, and a woman.
And for the unlistened voicemail on her phone?
The suffocating, paralyzing fear of possibly taking the next step?
“We're going to be ok,” she promises herself, shifting the thought to, “ Maybe…just maybe, if we can survive this, I can be brave.”
~oOo~
Elliot
2020
For the first three years he’s back on U.S. soil, Elliot Stabler continues what he'd done for the last ten years—he runs from his problems and lies to himself.
It's a habit twenty-plus years in the making. Twelve years he'd pretended to be a devout husband that hadn't fallen in love with Olivia Margaret Benson less than a week into their partnership.
In Rome, he'd pretended to be a happy husband, who wasn't dying every second without the part of his heart seven thousand miles away.
In March of 2020, he'd pretended to not be terrified when Kathy had suggested they fly to New York to see Olivia and close some wounds.
Organized Crime gave him the chance to run away, over and over from his own pain and the overwhelming guilt and pain of abandoning Olivia.
He drowns for years after returning until bits and pieces of him begin to heal. Bits and pieces healed by Olivia.
She's there when his son disappears.
She doesn't throw him off a building after a three-month silence or the stupidity of the letter.
They come and go in each other's lives and nearly collide with a kiss after she's assaulted by BX9. Elliot's smart enough to recognize her protecting herself from him and all though it kills him with every breath, he’ll wait.
Jamie Wheelan dies and he's buying a six-grand compass necklace highlighting love, compassion, equanimity, and joy to give her before another undercover stint.
A reminder and guide to happiness he hopes will lead her to him.
~oOo~
2024
During a routine wellness check on a C.I., Elliot receives the call from Ayanna that— “ The Captain and Sergeant Tutuola were caught in an explosion. Both are fine but I need you to not burn anything down in the meantime.”
Somehow, Elliot manages to drive to the 16th precinct and wait for her return without drowning from the memories of car alarms blaring, red and blue flashes of lights, and the smell of burning metal from Kathy's death. In her office, he waits, separate from Ayanna and Fin, talking quietly in the bullpen, for what seems like forever until he catches her step off the elevator.
She limps off the elevator and walks directly towards him. He gasps in relief when her eyes meet his. Those brown eyes ease his racing heart rate, give him pause to recognize the thought that's been on repeat— She's safe. She's here and safe and that's all that matters.
He's walking past Fin and Ayanna and towards her before his brain can register it. She's seemingly moving autopilot as he is, past her youngest detective— Valentino, no, Velesco standing near the coffee machine and Reyes without a word.
Like a reunion in the countless rom-com movies he'd sat through with his daughters, they meet in the middle of the bullpen, smiling warmly at each other.
This time, just the two of them.
“Cap,” Elliot begins, hoping to keep his frenetic energy at bay. “I—”
“I'm ready,” Olivia blurts out. She lifts her head up to meet his blue eyes. “I'm ready.”
He fights a small grin before furrowing his brow. “What—are you sure?”
“I almost died today,” she reaches up and cups his cheek. She sighs before pulling out the compass necklace from her jacket pocket. “I fell when we were getting rescued and the glass… cracked.”
He relaxes a bit and gently takes it from her hand. “I can fix it.”
“I know but I panicked when I saw it was cracked because it was my connection to you while you were gone.” Olivia’s eyes fill with tears and she whispers, “And then I realized you're here. Alive. Trying and…I'm tired of being scared, El. I'm ready.”
He glances over to the poorly concealed attempts from other officers to look busy. “Liv, just want to make sure that—”
She shuts him up with a kiss.
A perfect kiss that marks the end of the what-ifs and the beginning of them.
And hopefully, a cut of a certain Sergeant’s twenty-five-year-old bet.