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Jay has been acting a bit strangely for the past couple of days.
Always shutting himself down, pushing people away, staying up for nights in a row and not eating for days. Alex has begun to notice. These days would stretch into concerning amounts of time, almost to months, but it'd only be limited to weeks to days. Throughout this time, Alex was questioning every single day how exactly he would approach Jay about this, not wanting to scare the boy off with his concerns. But this was just getting too far.
Somewhere in June, when they were out of school for the time being, and when Alex was over at Jay's house for the day, he decided to try and speak up.
Sitting on the bed while Jay's fingers flew over his keyboard, punching in letters into the screen Alex had thought to himself this could be the right moment to try and speak up about the current situation. Ask what was going on with Jay. Either way this had gone on for way too long, now was the time.
Right?
Clearing his throat rather loudly and earning Jay's full attention, he quickly ran over his internal script and chose his words carefully.
Or everything would go to absolute shit.
"Hey, um, Jay, can I talk to you about something?" he began softly, hoping he didn't sound as awkward as he felt. Of course, the wince that escaped Jay's lips had signaled that he knew where this could be going.
"Yeah, go for it," Jay answered, voice wavering just slightly enough for Alex not to notice properly. With a shaky breath, Alex controlled all of the doubts that was racing through his mind at about a thousand miles per hour just to speak okay enough to this guy.
"Uh, I've been kinda worried about ya lately. Like, I've been keeping a close eye on you for... quite a while because you're my boyfriend and all, and you've been really off late... ly." Alex trailed off.
As he'd been speaking his eyes had been focusing on literally anything else except for the kid in front of him, and once he let his gaze rest on him, the realization that he was tearing up finally settled and at once he felt guilty. Now he wished he didn't speak. "Are... are you okay, Jaybird?"
At once the other shook his head, and Alex was hit with the idea that that might've been a pretty stupid fucking question to ask. Jay opened his mouth once and closed it again, like he was trying to speak but couldn't exactly get the correct words out of his throat. Which he couldn't, they were all failing him.
"I-I've just been o-overthinking lately, mostly b-because of the way you've b-been acting towards me a-and I've come to a c-conclusion," he managed to stammer out, his voice breaking and shaking at several points, making Alex feel even more guilty. He wished he could go back and repair whatever mistake he'd done to hurt Jay this way, to have him so broken and unstable, falling apart before his very eyes.
He wished he would've spoken up sooner.
But the second he opened his mouth to answer, Jay went on, unable to look at Alex properly, let alone make proper eye contact. Which is understandable, he thought to himself. I wouldn't look at me either.
"I-I'm so scared of losing you, a-and you know that. Why've you b-been so distant these past months? Why have you been tr-treating me like a buddy? Like your f... fucking friend?" More guilt. "Listen, Jay, I-"
"Alex, do you hate me?"
The words sounded so hurt and shattered that Alex could hardly believe that his one love had even uttered them to his face, leaving him stunned as Jay finally locked his gaze with him. Blue and brown eyes overflowing with tears, strands of hair falling into them before he broke the moment, gazing back down at his hands.
"How could I ever?" Alex asked sincerely, reaching over to take his boyfriend's hands in his own, running his thumb over the freckled knuckles, listening to Jay sniffle lowly while he held his hands as well, squeezing them tight. "I'll always love you; I could never hate such a sweet, adorable boy like you, dear."
"Then why have you been acting so different?"
"I've been busy and distracted with the film, honey, as well as schoolwork," Alex answered honestly, wincing at the way he was reminded of his father reassuring his mother with a white lie to cover up the cheating. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to spend time with you."
Jay just nodded, and Alex hoped that meant that he was somewhat comforted. He's well aware of how busy I can get, Alex thought vaguely, sounding harsh even to himself. But he's sensitive, I need to be patient.
And with that, he pulled his boyfriend into his arms, letting him cry the rest of his emotions out into his shoulder while they snuggled under the covers, Alex's hand caressing Jay's hair to relax him to sleep.
Quiet stilled over the room, and everything was fine.
Jay was asleep in Alex's arms, peaceful and loved in his slumber, and everything was fine.
Everything could always be fine.