Chapter Text
My Youth Romantic Comedy is a Catastrophe, as I expected
General Information:
Catastrophe- line break, [The Loner]- POV indicator (Hikigaya Hachiman) "Watch out!"- Dialogue
Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu, Nekopara, or any other intellectual properties that may appear in this story. Please don't sue me.
Prologue: Once again, his dreams shatter
[The Loner]
"Are you sure that everything is in order, and you've forgotten nothing? Homework, lunch, or your many cans of that sickening concoction."
"Please, who are you, a mother concerned about her eccentric son? It's only the first day of high school and not the end of the world, so I'll be fine. If anything, I should be worried about you, as today..."
"Big talk coming from the guy who spent countless hours practicing conversation starters in the mirror, again."
"I thought we swore to never speak of that topic, and here you are bringing it up now, the one day where it actually matters. I'm sorry, but that jab will cost you a few points in my book."
"Whatever, act all grumpy, just don't ruin this rare opportunity of a high school debut by hurting yourself. You've worked too hard for all your efforts to be wasted."
"Don't worry, I'm Hikigaya Hachiman, self-preservation personified, so there's no way anything will go wrong... Oh, look at the time, I need to leave soon, or I'll be late. Well, I'll see you later."
"Take care, please prove me wrong..."
I guess waking up early this morning was a good idea; everything is going according to plan: the crisp spring air flows through my raven-colored hair, the sun's warm glow shines overhead, and the quiet roads are devoid of traffic. All in all, I have the perfect conditions for a high school debut.
This moment serves as the resounding follow-up to the nightmare of middle school, headlined by that horrible "confession" I gave. That disaster amounted to the perfect amalgamation of multiple years spent misinterpreting people and their intentions. It killed a boy who held too much goodwill for his classmates and fell for the first girl who showed him obligatory kindness.
What little credibility or respect I garnered instantly vanished once I uttered those few words, "I like you, please go out with me." It led to isolation and constant derision for my foolish mistake. Everywhere I walked, insulting whispers followed, making every day feel miserable.
The present was bleak and the past humiliating, so I looked towards the future and forced myself to study out of spite and leave all those hateful words in the rear-view mirror. It was tough, shutting out all the white noise, and the entrance exam proved to be challenging, but it was well worth the effort. Those countless hours of self-improvement carried me to the present, biking my way down the road to my new elite school, Soubu High, for orientation while sporting a silly grin.
Dear reader, you may ask, "Isn't it normal for a person to be excited about new environments?". The answer is that you're right, but this feeling is rarely felt by a person of my caliber, as I have been likened to a "loner," "fish-eyed stalker," or "pervert" by my peers. Maybe, they are correct about my slightly cynical and realist tendencies, but I'm human just like everyone else. I just take off the rose-tinted glasses of "youthful discretion" and see adolescence for what it is: a harsh landscape where only the most disingenuous survive...
But I guess some occasional optimism won't hurt; high school should be different than the past. I can probably find other like-minded intellectuals and form a group complaining about "nice" people. Perhaps we would call ourselves the "League of Loners," ironic name intended.
I'm close to the finish line, with one intersection between myself and salvation. In only five or so minutes, my story reaches a new chapter. If my life were a light novel, this moment would be spoiled by the surprise appearance of Truck-kun and my subsequent death from it. However, this is reality, so there's no way a freak injury ruins all my chances for average high school life, right?
"Vroom!" Wait, what is that noise? Is that a car coming in my direction? No, it's a glossy black limousine that screams excessive wealth. Like seriously, has the driver not heard of a school zone, as they're moving too fast for this time of day? Someone could get hurt crossing the street, you know~?
"Bark, bark!" Why is this girl with a peach-colored bob also inattentively watching the limo? Is she an airhead? School starts soon, so she should get moving. Following her line of sight, I watch her dachshund escape her grasp and quickly run toward the middle of the road. Oh no, a high-speed vehicle plus a squishy dog equals... a very messy legal battle. I'm not very good at math, but I know this equation does not add up.
The question is, who can prevent this nightmare scenario of canine carnage? Come on, Hachiman, think. You're the guy who can analyze his way out of any problem...
The chauffeur clearly holds no intention of slowing down or stopping. There must be an influential passenger inside for them to be driving this recklessly, so any interruptions during their journey may jeopardize their employment, writing out any hope of them sobering up on their own. However, mowing down a puppy will also cause them to lose their license and a significant amount of income from the ensuing dispute, so no matter what, the driver lies in a catch-22.
Peachy, over there, is presumably too dazed from dropping the dog's leash to intervene and may not be fast enough to even matter. I would honestly act the same if I saw my pet standing on death's door, so I don't blame her shocked expression. Besides, my mother would kill me if I allowed a girl to hurt herself while I stood idly by, preaching something along the lines of chivalry.
Finally, the poor hound parked on the street lacks the cognitive facilities to register its mistake, so it can't be expected to save the day. If it could, then this entire mental mockup of the situation would be unnecessary. Leaving only one other variable in play, Hikigaya Hachiman, the boy on a bicycle and the closest party to the point of impact...
The solution is simple in theory. All I have to do is leap one meter forward off my bike and shield the animal before the impending collision. Hopefully, the driver stops before connecting with me, not wanting to hit someone. The careless owner is chastised for her poor behavior, and I continue my journey to school, a little bruised but alive nonetheless. It's a scenario where everyone wins: the chauffeur keeps their job as no one is hurt, Peachy and her dog are reunited, and my conscience is spared from the trauma of seeing a dog's death. Yet why are my hands shaking in a cold sweat and my heart rapidly racing?
Thinking about it logically, I stand to lose nothing by intervening. At worst, a few of my bones break from hitting the limo. How is that nerve-wracking? The pain resembles falling down a large flight of stairs. It's not like I'll die from this accident and be transported to another world. I'll only miss a few days of school for this injury, at most...
"..." Do I care so much about my fleeting hope of finding friends that I won't move a muscle? What chance do I have to be seen as someone sociable? My posture is atrocious, my personality unsettling, and my eyes resemble a dead fish. I'll probably be a loner in either scenario, so where's the hold-up?
If I do nothing and let this disaster play out with Peachy losing her beloved dachshund, I wouldn't be any better than a condescending bystander, only looking out for their own self-interest. Sure, I could theoretically form a clique or even become popular, but I would act just like them, all those students discretely ignoring my pleas for help back in middle school to preserve their "social lives."
"It's fine to change out of your volition, but once the world changes you, it's all over," one of my favorite sayings rings in my mind.
"...," I stand on the precipice of rejecting everything I believe in. Two roads lie before me, one whereas I explained before, I continue biking, forgetting everything that will happen shortly, and work my way up the high school social ladder. It would be difficult, requiring a complete overhaul of my character, but I can reach the top, as, despite appearances, my motivation is nothing to slouch at.
However, every time I see Peachy in the hallways with her pained smile, as we're probably classmates judging from her uniform, my mind would return to this moment and my heartless decision. How would I live with myself, probably a vapid riajuu drowning in popularity, knowing that I brought distress onto another for my own gain? It's pathetic, and nothing more.
And then there is the alternative... protecting the dog. If I choose this option, my lonerdom is guaranteed for the next three years. After all, I would miss the short window where new connections are made. And, yet again, be locked out of friendship.
Not to mention, I would be hit by a high-speed limo and suffer a world of pain. The chance of death from the accident is above zero, as well. However, this choice provides me the solace that I never betrayed my ideals. I can reminisce on this moment with pride, knowing that I always placed myself before others up until the bitter end.
The question is, what matters more, individualism or altruism... Wasn't my entire motive exposing the deceptive nature of adolescence and holding myself to a higher moral standard than it?.. Yes, if so, I need to start acting on those beliefs.
Hikigaya Hachiman is a lot of things: a loner who never minces his words, a doting brother who makes sacrifices for his incredible little sister who refuses to abandon him, a cynic who sees beyond the empty platitudes and artificial relationships of youth, and a heartbroken young man who fell in love for all the wrong reasons, but one thing he isn't is cruel...
"Watch out!"
"Crash!"
Prologue End
Chapter 1: His High School Life Faces a Furry Speedbump
[The Loner]
[Dream Sequence]
"Ha, ha, ha!" No matter how hard or far I run, the constant stream of jeering laughs is behind me. And all that lies ahead of me is an endless expanse of darkness. Mom says to just ignore them and keep moving forward, but it feels incredibly frustrating to stay silent and ignore their provocations.
They continued repeating the same tired phrase ad nauseam, in between their sickening howls, "It's incredible how Hikitani is still alone in high school. The loser should just die already, the waste of oxygen!" Why am I always their target for ridicule, their reliable whipping boy? There were other quiet kids back in elementary school, acting just as pathetically as I did.
Was it my hair, the contrast between the generic raven color and the peculiar ahoge sticking out on top? I can already remember their old jokes, "Hey Hikitani, do you get satellite service from up there? Woah, watch out, everyone! There's a UFH or an Unidentified Flying Hikitani." Just thinking about them sours my mood immensely.
Was I an easy target for my overly trusting personality? I used to accept anyone as a friend and allowed them to walk all over me like a doormat. They deliberately sent me the wrong times for birthday parties and uttered hollow apologies, which I always believed.
Was I that socially incompetent to accept bullying as nothing but warm banter? No, I probably knew their true intentions but refused to accept them.
In hindsight, I was nothing but a pack mule to those monsters masquerading as children and not one of their "buddies." How would I survive high school if I can't defend myself now? No matter how hard the first step might seem, it's time for me to stand up and fight!
"What do you want this time? If it is to harass me, I'm not interested so go away. I don't need your silly concept of "friendship" anymore. I've realized that your "bonds" are worthless lies that will break under any strain and that solitude is my strength. So if you will excuse me, I have places to be and a fulfilling life to live. See you never." I angrily spat out to the crowd of my most passionate haters.
I've finally confronted the demons haunting my past and all their fickle words. It doesn't matter that I'm a friendless loser with no hope of popularity. I can smile at my reflection in the mirror every morning. Unlike those clowns, I find meaning in my existence and do not desperately use others to find it. Who cares that my eyes look cold and rotten like a dead fish or that I never mince my words? I don't, and that's the only opinion that matters.
"..."
"What, you don't have a response or a parting message?"
"Have fun in the hospital, you fool."
"Huh, I can't hear you, so you need to speak up."
"Have fun laughing away on nitrous oxide for saving that stupid mutt like the clown you are, Hikitani!" It boomed in response to my farewell.
Wait, what nitrous oxide?..
Catastrophe
"Uh, how long have I been out?" I groaned to myself while nursing my head. My last memory was being slammed by that car, biking to school... so this is the hospital. Well, one thing is for sure, my dreams of ideal high school life are dead, and my path of solitude continues. I'm not completely surprised things ended up this way, but it was fun to hold out fleeting hopes.
There is a calendar on my bed, and I check it to see how much time has passed... a month... this is bad! I can only imagine all the work stacking up while I have been gone. Tch, I guess it's true that nice guys always finish last. Last time I acted considerately.
"Oh, you're awake." Someone was waiting at my bedside. I wonder who it could be?
"To whom I owe the pleasure of meeting?" I pulled back the blinds surrounding my bed, inspecting my visitor. It was not immediate family for sure. Komachi has school around this time of day and my parents... They're, you know, corporate slaves, people who are endlessly exploited by their superiors, so I'm sure they don't have the time to visit someone as insignificant as me... Hah, hah, hah.
"It's been a while, hasn't it, Hachiman." Oh no, I cannot believe this; my "arch-nemesis" and cousin, Shigure Minazuki, is here. Dear reader, you may ask," Why are you hostile to a middle schooler" and my reply is to not let looks deceive you. Shigure may appear as a nice girl, with glossy back hair and amethyst eyes, but underneath is a blazing inferno. She hates my guts for not recognizing her "Imouto supremacy" and being a man of logic. So you see, Shigure likes catgirls... no, she adores them. Why does that matter? My complaints are not about her owning and enjoying catgirl-related media or the occasional cosplay, but everything else about her hobby. The endless list of connections to "catgirl owners" (read: lonely men who can't accept that the 2-D world doesn't exist) and their "companions" (read: doctored photos of foreigners) on social media, and how ninety percent of her thoughts revolve around the topic. I like Georgia Max Coffee, but what if every monologue I had in some way connected to the beverage, and I walked out in public, decked in branded merchandise? Such behavior would be creepy and warrant criticism, right? That rationality explains my entire relationship with Shigure; she says something about catgirls, I explain how they're fictitious beings, and she argues the opposite, rinse and repeat indefinitely. Like really, catgirls are confined to the aisles of fiction and have no place in the mortal realm.
"Still crazy about your catgirl delusion, huh?" My usual retort just rolls off the tongue at this point. "So why are you here instead of my clearly superior sister."
"Funny story about that; your family thought a change of scenery was in order with you starting high school. This meeting was inevitable, but your injury just sped up the process. In any case, I sadly have to admit that you, Hikigaya Hachiman, are now moving into the Minazuki household. Effective immediately. I hope you enjoy your remaining time in the hospital, as tomorrow is moving day." I wouldn't say I'm that surprised about my exit from the Hikigaya household, as Shigure's words only confirmed the looming suspicion brewing in my mind. The signs were all there: the gradual thinning out of my room over the past few months, the frequent phone calls Mother had with relatives, and Komachi's pained smile as she sent off that faithful morning, but I chose to ignore them since they were only distractions to my single goal of a successful high school debut... which I failed by the way.
'"What about my stuff?"
"Your belongings have already been shipped over... And seriously, Pretty Cure, Hachiman? How childish." H-how did she know I hid all my Pretty Cure memorabilia under the math textbooks? They should have been undetectable! You really are a formidable foe, Shigure-san.
"Is there anything else I need to know?"
"Oh, I hope you like cats." Please spare me the dramatics: I don't just "like cats"; in fact, some (read: no one) have likened me to an expert when dealing with the angel that is Kamakura, the world's best feline...
("Hey Kamakura, how's it going?"
"Hiss~!"
"Ahh, stop scratching me, Kamakura!"
"You are so hopeless, onii-chan.")
...S-so what if Shigure has a few cats; it's nothing I can't handle. I'm not nervous (read: fears for my potential safety).
Catastrophe
"Ok, it's showtime," I muttered while walking through the hospital's main entrance. The early-year vacation that I mostly spent unconscious had come to a close. I have now been discharged and thrown back into the dungeon called society... where an endless stack of assignments waits for me.
Maybe, it's too soon for me to be out and about; another month wouldn't hurt, right? No, Hachiman, the time for procrastination has passed, and we need to take the first step forward! But Common Sense-san, that sounds like meaningless riajuu drivel. No buts, Hachiman, or do you want to invalidate all those hours spent reinventing yourself after the incident? You're right; it looks like I can never win against you, Common Sense-san...
"Drip, drop..." My monologue was interrupted by the sound of pouring rain... It has to be the day I'm released. Do the high powers hate me that much? Curse you, Rom-com gods!
"..." Further complaining won't change anything, so what should I do now? I can't trouble the hospital staff after all they've done, and I don't like the idea of owing Shigure any favors... But... if I'm not mistaken, my new residence is not too far from here. It's only a light shower, so going without an umbrella should be fine, probably...
Catastrophe
"It wasn't fine at all!" I cursed my earlier naivete as I ran through the downpour; my clothes were drenched, I could barely see through my hair, and each step felt like trudging through molasses.
Unsurprisingly, my intuition was inaccurate as the rain grew harder once I walked outside. And now time for the blame game... Stupid pride, we would have had an umbrella if it wasn't for you, but instead...
"Hold on, what is that?" Yet again, my thoughts drew to a crawl. This time it was due to an unusual sight: a large cardboard box, the size of a small refrigerator, and had a few small holes cut out.
"..." I looked at the box.
"..."The box looked back at me.
"..." I looked at the box.
"Meow~." It mewled and rustled.
"..." I looked at the box and struggled to move. Logically, I should avoid strange roadside items, and I am probably the biggest supporter of sound reasoning out there. However, I could not simply ignore the package and continue walking; it sat on the side of the road, presumably abandoned, housing some living creature fighting for its life in the rain. I could alert the proper authorities of this matter, but my body refused to do so as if possessed by some innate force. The equally strong forces were pulling me in opposite directions, "to act, or not to act, that is the eternal question.". I can't keep sitting here, indecisive, like a spineless Harem protagonist... Grr, What to do...
"Geez, I'll do it, even if it's not the best idea!" Maybe, the image of an isolated creature, forgotten by family and friends, hit a little too close to home, so I eventually decided to pick up the package... better later than never, I suppose...
"How tiring." After almost a century, I reached my destination with no time to spare as the mystery box was almost completely soaked. Glancing up at my new residence, I noticed that the place is quite the looker, with traditional Japanese architecture and layout, with rooms widely spread across the property, unlike the compact, two-story house I was used to. How will I get to school on time if this place is designed like a labyrinth? I can worry about that later. As for now, my top priority was to get out of the rain and into a warm bath. Running through the rain without an umbrella has consequences, you know~?
"Hello, is anyone here?" Opening the door and walking inside, I ask my question in the dark foyer.
*stare~*
*stare~~*
*stare~~~*
*stare~~~~* Something about this estate is off... It almost feels like four people are stalking me at the moment, like that one nature documentary I watched about lions and impalas. I turned to the source of the unsettling aura but found nothing. That's a bit weird, but no matter, a few stray glances pale to all the nasty looks I got in middle school. You could almost say I had a tolerance for it, or better yet, a 108 Loner Skill, specifically, #56: Thick Skin: no matter how uncomfortable people try to make me, it never works as I just monologue over their actions.
I walked towards the light I saw in the distance, and with each step, the pressure on me grew more intense. Raise the temperature all you want, mysterious force. I'm not nervous. My body is only shaking from the rain... definitely the rain.
When I eventually made it out of the foyer and into what I assume is the dining room, I finally felt alone and sighed in relief, collapsing on the ground. I'm telling you, the weather can do strange things to the human mind.
Placing the box aside, I noticed a collection of foods spread on the table in front of me. Has someone anticipated my presence and prepared a feast? How wonderful. Realizing my currently poor manners of casually lounging, I rose, dusted myself off, and sat at one of the table's ends, waiting patiently for others to arrive. Luckily the wait was not too long as Shigure and her brother, Kashou, joined me at the table.
If I were to describe Kashou Minazuki, one word would be necessary: plain. His entire persona just oozes a boring status quo; what are his preferences? They don't matter, as they constantly change to fit the zeitgeist. Combined with his shaggy brown hair and eyes, Kashou almost stands as the perfect embodiment of a background character. His only notable trait is his proficiency in baking, cultivated from a young age by his parents, refined from his recent stint in France, studying European confectionaries, but he rarely shows off this skill. Most of our conversations consisted of generic small talk; he asks how I'm doing at school, and I tell him it's "fine," he awkwardly laughs, rinse and repeat indefinitely. Sure, we're not the closest relatives, but unlike most adults, Kashou doesn't force "sagely advice" down my throat and treats me like a competent human being instead of a basket case... Personally, I admire him for placing his own desires first, studying abroad rather than taking up the family business of Japanese confectionaries, but don't get me wrong. He was still a filthy riajuu, first and foremost, hanging out with "friends" and the like. Alas, I cannot reach the summit of mediocrity that he is as my dead fish eyes, and calculating nature aren't considered "normal" by people.
Hmm, I see new characters joining this dinner party, and they sure do look ridiculous; a blonde, brunette, and two others... I don't even know how to describe their hairstyles, and I've spent countless hours watching trashy anime and reading light novels.
"Do you four care to introduce yourselves as I'm not well versed in idol culture," I question the newcomers to the table. Why call them idols? My policy is that if it can't be explained by logic, it's probably the entertainment industry's fault. These four girls had an almost staggering amount of eccentricity emanating from them, almost like they weren't human... It's probably just cosplay, really convincing cosplay.
"Fine, guess I'll go first. Azuki's the name. It's a pleasure to meet you, Hachi-nyan~." Hold on, "Hachi-nyan," that's not even my taste, but I felt goosebumps when she cutely used it. No, not this. It's the power of moe, the bane of every loner's existence... For some reason, I'm being overcome with an inexplicable urge to reach for my wallet. I don't even like gacha! Azuki wore the stereotypical high school uniform, the sailor suit, except palette-swapped to match her dark-brown eyes, hair, and ears... specifically cat ears... It must be her idol gimmick, right? She can't be a catgirl. I scoured the internet and only found nothing short of rumors and falsified evidence. Shigure cannot be correct, for that would mean I'm wrong, and I don't make mistakes. This has to be a silly delusion, and I'm actually still recovering in the hospital. All I have to do is close my eyes and... close my eyes and... It's not working. "Shigure, is he always like this, seemingly talking to himself?" I'm not talking to myself; it's monologuing. The "idols" are still looking at me, worry lining their faces; I'm not crazy, as you're all fictitious beings walking and talking, which should be impossible. Maybe this is one of those rare nightmares that take time to wake up from.
"Yes, but don't worry, he'll snap out of this soon." Yeah, that must be the case, so I'll pretend to care about introductions. Azuki had a delicate and petite frame compared to most who wore her uniform and the girl beside her, who reminds me of a stereotypical ojou-san.
"Before you say anything, I'm not haughty, just a more refined catgirl. The name's Maple, don't forget because I won't tell you twice, Hikigaya. Hmph." Something is definitely wrong here... First, "Maple" somehow read my thoughts (maybe rich girls are Espers), but that's not my main concern. She self-identified herself as a "catgirl"; that's not normal. Even the most devoted idols have so much faith in their persona. In any case, maybe I can exploit Maple's appeal for my own gain.
Picture it, I'm sitting in class, and my friend complains about not having a girlfriend. He's expecting that I'm in the same boat as him. To his surprise, I turn around with my phone open and show him the background, a picture of Maple in all her blond, silky glory, and I calmly state, "I guess you're not popular.". A round of laughter breaks out in the classroom, with me at the center. Hilarious... Fat chance, never had a friend before, and not keen on making some now. Youth is a lie, after all. It's just a shallow excuse for people to show their worst face to others and blatant tribalism against those who don't fit their preconceived notions of the "status quo"...
Woah, that was bad, going on another spiteful tirade on adolescence. Need to keep it together; I can't look bad in front of these "idols," for this may be my one chance of any relevancy.
"Ahem." Oh, I wasn't paying attention. "If you're now back with us, Hachi-chan, my name is Cinnamon, a pleasure to be living with you... Finally, some new prey." Scary, Cinnamon-san, very scary. Do you see me as nothing more than a plaything? That hurts my feelings, you know~? We could have been friends, you know~? The third "catgirl" has the most exotic looks of them all, with periwinkle hair and amber eyes. To top it all off with her massive "assets" and that mischievous personality... No one told me there would be so many bishojous here: kind of nerve-wracking for a loner like myself.
Three down, only one more to go, time to finish the job," And what's your name, little girl." My onii-chan instincts kicked in, and I asked in my warmest tone.
"Oh, I'm Coconut, the youngest of the catgirls. Nice to meet you, Hachiman!" Thank you, Coconut, for the radiance of your smile. Coupled with your cream-colored hair and dichromatic (gold and blue) eyes: your cuteness levels are off the charts. It almost approaches Komachi levels, which is an unprecedented development. Now with their introductions done, I think I understand everything about my new "family members"... It is clear that-.
"So, Hachiman, what do you think of our humble abode?" I forget about you, Kashou; it's just that your presence is so subdued. I wonder if he can help me improve Stealth Hikki.
"Ok, I think I know what is going on here. As much as it goes against my beliefs, those four are genuine catgirls, and let me guess... Munchkin, American Curl, Scottish Fold, and Maine Coon, in order of introduction." This is going to be fun, living with catgirls. I can almost hear middle-school Hachiman and all his chunni delusions squeal in delight. Dear reader, you may ask, "How could you figure out their breeds?" and the answer is simple I am the cat whisperer. I've read enough light novels and watched documentaries to understand this.
Not like my life can get any stranger... Right?
*sneeze*
Apparently, it can.
Catastrophe
Preview:
Quietly leaving the Minazuki dining room, Hikigaya Hachiman takes out his phone and dials a number.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Hello?"
Hachiman: "Mother, are you there?"
Mother: "Oh, Hachiman, you're finally awake! How are you?"
Hachiman: "Relatively fine after being unconscious for the past month... but it's not like I'm complaining or anything."
Mother: "We've been regularly visiting, but everyone was busy today. I am sorry about..."
Hachiman: "Don't worry about it, Komachi is far more important. If it was ever a choice between us, I wouldn't blame..."
Mother: "Hachiman, are you..."
Hachiman: "In any case, that's not why I'm calling today. Do you know where I am right now?"
Mother: "Suhuma-kun's house... I mean the Minazuki residence. Why?"
Hachiman: "Why am I here? Isn't this all a bit sudden?"
Mother: "What's the issue, Hachiman? Do you not like my younger brother's place? It's where I grew up, you know~?
Hachiman: "Please stop deflecting the issue, mother."
Mother: "Besides you and Shigure-chan would get along... I thought you always liked... cats."
Hachiman: "Mother, what was with that awkward pause? It almost sounds like you know the truth about..."
"Next Time on My Youth Romantic Comedy is a Catastrophe, as I Expected (A/N: I swear this is the only time I will write this out fully.)- Chapter 2: Unexpected developments come his way."
Mother: "Oh, look at the time! I think Kamakura needs a bath!"
Hachiman: "Mother, we don't bathe Kamakura. He hates it, always thrashing about if someone even has the thought of attempting... Regardless, why didn't you tell me about the catgirls sooner?"
Mother: "Hmm, what's this? Is my gloomy son interested in romance? I never thought I would see the day!"
Hachiman: "Especially since I may have found something catgirl-related... perhaps a live sample."
Mother: "Hachiman, what did you do?"
Hachiman: "Huh, Shigure did you say something?!... I'll be there shortly!"
Mother: "Hachiman, don't you hang up on me. I know exactly what you're doing! Especially since I just did the same thing!"
Hachiman: Faking static noises "The connection is unstable right now! I can't hear you! We'll talk later, Mom! Au revoir!"
Mother: "You think you're so clever using French, just because my mother was..."
The call ends with Hachiman disconnecting.
Hachiman: "..."
He stares at his phone silently, his face expressionless, before returning to the dining room, the rustling box waiting for him.
Azuki: "Hey, Hachi-nyan, what were you doing?"
Hachiman: "Nothing important, I was just calling my mother."
Cinnamon: "A mother's son, huh?... That's unexpected, Hachi-chan... and could be an interesting dynamic to explore... heh, heh, heh..."
Hachiman: "Why can't my family be normal?... My life is such a catastrophe."
Chapter End