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You like him.
For quite some time now.
But who wouldn't like a guy like Ajax? He was so sweet and loving and protective and an all around nice guy. Although he was at times very timid and hesitant, it just makes him more adorable in your eyes. You love seeing his ginger hair dance with the wind and his blue eyes would shine in excitement whenever he would talk about his dream of becoming an adventurer like the ones in the stories. Would.
You didn’t know the details but your childhood friend suddenly disappeared one day. His whole family and practically every family friend and neighbor searched for him high and low. You did too. At first you thought he would be near the frozen lake side where he and you sometimes go to fish, but he wasn't there. You then went to a secret area in the forest where you both play pretend and lose track of time, and yet he wasn't there.
You know how adventurous Ajax was and you had feared that maybe he was injured, starving, cold, and alone. You heard from Tonia that Ajax suddenly left the house with a short sword and a bag of bread after arguing with their parents. Given his personality, the ginger might’ve been trying to persuade them of letting him be an adventurer or maybe training. Either way, the argument didn't go well and he left. Was he going to at least tell you about it? Or did he forget about you in his anger? You shook your head. It wasn't time to get distracted. You had to find Ajax.
‘I haven't even told him my feelings yet,’ you thought to yourself feeling a pang of regret.
A day passed and there was nothing.
And another.
And by the third day, everybody almost lost all hope except for you and his siblings. You had to find him. Even if… even if he is gone, you resolved yourself to find out what happened. It might be tough for a fourteen year old but you don't care how long it takes. You pray to Celestia and your Cryo Archon with all your might.
Then by some sort of miracle, Ajax walked back himself!
You ran to his house as soon as you heard the great news. Tonia greeted you at the door and led the way to her brother’s bedroom. According to her, Ajax was the one who came home all wounded and tired.
“He fainted as soon as father opened the door,” she explained.
When the door opened, there lay still the sleeping body of your best friend. He was covered in bandages, his skin was paler, and his face was thinner too. He looked really beaten up and tired. You couldn’t imagine what he had been through but you were just glad that he was back. You swiped his hair away from his face and with a soft voice you said, “Welcome back.”
You would visit frequently or at least as many times as you were allowed to by your parents. Nevertheless, you bring fruits and other cool stuff when you visit. You would go to Ajax’ room and spend some time there babbling your day before Taucer comes and jumps you. He would always go straight to that room after coming home from a fishing trip with his father.
On some other days, it would be Tonia who would be with you. Anthon would also drop by to check on his brother and at the same time he would ask for your help with his school work if he didn’t understand something in class or when he just wants you to check his work. Their parents would sometimes also pop in to check on the ginger but never too long since they also have a lot of things to do.
And then one day, Tonia visited you out of the blue, saying, “He’s awake.”
You immediately turned back to your bedroom to change your clothes but before you could drag Tonia back, she grabbed you first and stopped. You turned to her in confusion. Why was she stopping you from visiting? Did something happen? Now that you think about it, the younger girl brought you great news but her expression wasn’t one of gladness but nervousness.
“What’s wrong Tonia? Is your brother okay?” you asked.
There was a moment of silence before she looked back at you and explained what had happened. Apparently, when Ajax had woken up, it was their father’s turn to watch over him while the rest of the siblings got ready for the day. At first, they all rushed to his room when their father rushed to tell them the good news. But when they came, Ajax stared at them a bit … odd.
“It was like he wasn’t there,” she confessed to you. “My brother… his eyes… there was no emotion behind them anymore.”
Now, you were more worried than ever. You finally decided that you still had to go see him. You’re worried. Maybe he can finally tell you what had happened the day he disappeared. You comforted Tonia and assured her that you will still speak to her brother despite what she had said. She no longer argued back and nodded, fully trusting you to help Ajax with whatever is happening to him.
You went inside their house and saw Ajax’ parents sitting on the couch. Her mother was crying her eyes out with their father trying to give his wife some sort of comfort. When you passed by, you heard the soft whispers of their mother, “That’s not my son.”
Tonia let you in by yourself to give you privacy as you had requested while rushing to their house. She said that she would be in her room with Anton and Taucer. Apparently, Anton had prevented their youngest sibling going back to their eldest as per instruction of their father. Both Tonia and Anton knew something was wrong with their newly awakened sibling but Taucer didn’t. So she had to go back to the two boys and calm them down.
Nodding, you knocked softly against a very familiar bedroom door. You’ve never needed to knock whenever you come to visit but now, you had to check if your best friend was okay to let you in his room. You didn’t hear anything from the other side.
‘Is he asleep?’ you initially thought.
After taking a deep breath, you knocked once more, “Ajax? It’s me. Can I come in?”
Then you heard some sheets shuffling before hearing him letting you in. You heard a bit of hesitance from his voice when he called your name. But he still let you in so you took this opportunity. You quickly opened the door and finally saw his limp body sitting up. You scanned him to see his condition. He looked way better now but he was still a bit pale. Surprisingly enough, now that some of the bandages were gone, you saw that he had some built muscles. Was it possible to be that lean in just three days? His soft ginger hair was a little messy, indicating that he must’ve lied down and then sat up again when you knocked. And then you looked at his face.
‘His eyes…’ you noted mentally, ‘they’re…’
Tonia was right. Ajax looked like he had lost something important in his life. His eyes didn’t shine anymore. No passion, no excitement. It was like there was a void. You didn’t understand why his mother would say those mean words though. As far as you’re concerned, the person sitting on the bed right now is still the same Ajax that had spent a lot of time with you.
“What happened to you, Ajax?” you finally asked. You sat on the bed and you felt his body tense. You slowly reached for his hand but you noticed that he quickly retreated them away from you. You felt a pang of pain in your chest as you saw this.
“Nothing.”
He didn’t say anything else. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He was now different. You tried to talk to him; asking him what had happened that day and where he went. But no matter what you say and ask, he would only answer very briefly or nothing. And by this time, you started to feel scared. You didn’t feel scared because of what you saw. No. You were scared that you meant nothing to him now. He wasn’t even looking at you anymore. Did he hate you now? Were you being too pushy with the topic? He would talk to you a lot and you were just as talkative so it was rare for there to be a long silence when you were both together.
Ajax turned to you and he looked like he was about to say something but stopped. His dull eyes widened. Tears were rolling down your eyes. You didn’t even notice when it started but you felt the tears fall now. You bowed your head and muttered an apology for disturbing him and making him feel uncomfortable. Before he could do or say anything, you stood up and left the room. It felt like you just lost your best friend. Your parents tried to comfort you, saying that there was nothing to be done and it wasn't your fault that Ajax go to who he was before. You knew this but for some reason you couldn't help but feeling that you failed him and his family so much. After that day, you would only rarely visit but you would go less and less frequent. He never did reach out to you and it broke your heart. And after a few months, you stopped visiting all together.
Then rumors started to go around about what happened; most of them saying how the once energetic kid was now itching to fight whatever and whoever he can. Some villagers also saw him killing a wild bear in the forest. He was all covered in blood with a blade in one of his hands yet he did not flinch at it all. That cause more of the villagers to be cautious and wary of your... friend (if you could still call him that). But as much as you try to deny any negative claims, it all fell on deaf ears. I mean, who would listen to the words of a little girl when they could clearly see the evidence right in front of their eyes?
One day, you finally decided to talk to the ginger but when you reached his house, Tonia told you how Ajax had decided to work for the Tsaritsa and that he had already left. She also mention how both of their parents never bothered to stop him from doing something as dangerous as joining the Fatui. Heavy regret began to fill your heart. If only you had come faster. If only you weren’t such a coward. If only…
If only you had told him your feelings.
But it’s too late now. He was gone. He will be a soldier. A fighter. And he will die someday on the battlefield. He would live but who know what will happen. One wrong move and it would be the end of his life.
"Please... be safe."
Years had passed and you stood in front of Pantalone; a Fatui Harbinger. It’s been 6 months since you’ve ended up working under this very shrewd businessman. It was purely coincidental that Pantalone went to your village for a routine check and took an interest in your ability to assess the situation and to get the best deal out of any trade. You met him when the village chief told you to show him around town as one of the only people who would not freeze and run at the sight of a Fatui. It just so happens that a familiar trader also arrived and you were able to haggle two new books and a hair clip from him.
“I will put you to good use.”
“I cannot fight,” you said, hoping it was reason enough to refuse.
He assured you that you were not going to be fighting in a battlefield but you will fight in the world of commerce pertaining to the Fatui and its businesses around Teyvat. At that moment, you immediately thought of Ajax. Was he still with them? Was he working for another Harbinger? Was he still… alive?
You asked Pantalone if he knew about your childhood friend and he just gave you a knowing smile. “Looks like you are already familiar with our newest harbinger.”
Your eyes widened in surprise, “Harbinger?! Ajax is a harbinger?!”
“Why don’t you join us and I’ll make sure you meet him? And who knows. Maybe you would have the opportunity to work together with him.”
And that was how you ended working for this man. True to his words, you never needed to fight anybody. You were taught the basics of self defense though just in case a negotiation goes wrong. He truly put you to work every moment he could so that you are convinced that he was a demon. No. Maybe more evil than a demon.
Just within those 6 months, you successfully rose the ranks and became one of the top businesswoman in the Fatui. You felt proud but at the same time, thankful that Pantalone didn't give you any work that involves the shady dark side of the trade. You secured trades and contracts for him and organized well the documents and burned those that were useless. Your work paid off when he told you about the ginger.
You learned that Ajax is called Childe by the Fatui and is known as such. He must’ve had a reason for hiding his name since you also found out that he is using the name Tartaglia. None of the regular recruits know of 'Ajax' and perhaps it's better that way. But did he want to separate himself from his past that much? You can’t back down now though, you've come this far and you've worked your ass off. You’ve come all this way to finally meet him and apologize. You did hear from Tonia that he would rarely come visit their house. And when he does, it would be just for a short time and he is off again.
You would always miss your chance. Or maybe he doesn’t want to meet with you (he never met with anybody outside of his family). Nonetheless, you have to admit that Pantalone is indeed paying you good mora to make contracts, see over documents, and to ‘persuade’ some hard headed customers. You never let him down and you had grown so much from when you started. And yet, you couldn’t stop your fast beating heart the moment you found out that Ajax had accomplished his recent mission with another Fatui harbinger and is now on the way back to give his report.
As promised, Pantalone directed him to your office. You wore the regular Fatui uniform with your hood up and a mask. This would let you back up at the last minute. But when he entered, you could feel yourself tense. He has changed. Maybe not so much but he had grown. He is so much taller, his hair is mostly the same, and his eyes were sharp as if he would cut anyone and anything in his way. And yet you still feel a slight uneasiness.
“So do I just leave this here?” he waved a folder in front of you. “I don’t think your boss would let you day dream in the middle of the job you know.”
You snapped out of your thoughts and just reached out your hand, “Ah. Yes. You are right. I -”
Before you can say anything more, you feel him immediately grab your wrist in a tight grip. You yelped at the sudden action and was about to tell him off when you saw the way he looked. His eyes were wide as saucers, an obvious sign of disbelief.
“Is…” he started, “I… I don’t understand. What are you doing here!”
You tried to play dumb and pretend you didn't know what he was talking about. His grip tightened and you winced at the pressure. You were starting to feel your heart beating loudly. Either by instinct or experience, he wasn't buying your excuses. “I know it's you.”
And in a quieter voice he uttered, “Please…”
You took off the hood and the mask and stared back at him, “I wanted to see you.” It looks like there's really no going back now.
“To see me?” Ajax loosened his grip but he didn’t let go of your wrist just yet.
You nod. You explained to him what had happened when he left the village, your encounter with Pantalone, and how you ended up as one of his higher officers in just 6 months. By the time you finish your side of the story, you bow your head in apology. Then as if the doors in your heart opened, words started spilling out about how much you regretted leaving, how much you missed him, how much you wanted to see him, and about how much you loved him.
There was only silence. No one was talking after you finished your grand speech. Nobody moved. There was only the sound of two people breathing and your loud nervous heart beating.
“Why?”
You tilted your head to the side in confusion, “W-Why?”
“Why do you…” he crouched without letting go of your hand, “How could you say that to someone like me. I'm a…” ‘monster’ goes the unvoiced word that he had failed to say yet you knew what he meant.
It wasn’t even a question. Or at least that was how it seemed to you. Now that you look closer, despite being taller, he looked like a lost scared child in front of you. He didn't have his confidence when he walked in, and his demeanor as a harbinger was gone. No self confidence and fear was all you could see. It almost felt like back when you were kids all over again - his unsure, shy, innocent self. You placed your hand on top of his other hand that was clenched by his side. He still refused to meet your eyes.
“So I guess it's good I have weak eyesight,” you said grinning. Of course your eyesight is a perfect 20/20 but he doesn't need to know that. “I only see my friend who I have liked since childhood who just so happens to know a bit of fighting techniques.”
That statement made the ginger ‘hmp!’ and it obviously lightened the mood even by just a little bit. "You know, I can do more than just 'a bit'," he pouted. "I can even weild a vision now and can handle a bunch of nuances in an instant."
Okay. Now he's just plain boasting. You rolled your eyes but he finally looked at you and tried to find any signs of repulsion and hate. In the end, he found nothing but kindness and love in your expression. He wrapped you in his arms tightly showing he has no intention of letting go. He burried his face on your shoulder and took a deep breath.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked with a shaky voice. You could easily tell there was still a part of him that didn't believe.
You nodded. “Are you sure about me though?” you asked back at him, "I'm just me and I might become a burden to a Harbinger like you -"
He immediately let go only to grab your face, “There's nobody else but you!” He was blushing and you couldn't help but giggle.
“Then it's the same for me. I will never let you go. Not unless you let go of me first.”
He brought your face a bit closer to his so that you could feel his breath, “That should be my line.” And he finally kissed you.
It was sweet and slow, you could feel the passion and love you have for each other. You know this would be a rocky road you'll both undertake but for some reason, you feel sure that it won't be that bad if you had each other. At the same time, you felt as if you had forgotten something. But at this very moment, you could careless. Ajax comes first.
“What are you doing out here?” a masked Fatui Harbinger asked Pantalone who is apparently standing in front of a door as if to keep guard.
“Nothing,” he said, “just repaying a subordinate for everything she'd done for me.”
Dottore raised a brow. Never would he have imagined that the proud Regrator would be doing something like this for a simple subordinate. This obviously caught his attention. Maybe he can invite that subordinate and see what made the other-
“Don't think about it,” Pantalone warned. “I still need this one to seal some more deals and documents. They made my work so much easier so I'm not letting you tinker on her.”
The doctor sighed in surrender. Sure he is physically more powerful than the other but his research funds were on the line so he would never piss the other off. He had learned his lesson the hard way and he would very much appreciate it if the disaster never repeats itself.
“And I don't think our younger Harbinger would take it lightly if you messed with his lover.”
"What?"