Chapter Text
Sam was sitting at the map table, beer in hand, looking at me incredulously.
“What?” I said with a shrug. “Everyone knows that I’m the better-looking Winchester.”
“I think that’s a matter of opinion,” he stated, rolling his eyes.
“Is it, though?” I asked. “Seein’ as how everyone has the same opinion?”
“And who is everyone, Dean?”
“Dean is objectively more attractive,” Cass put in without looking up from the book he was reading.
I gestured towards Cass with a smug grin. “See?” I told Sam.
“No way, nuh-uh, Cass’s opinion doesn’t count,” Sam said with a shake of his ridiculously shaggy head.
“Uhh, why the hell not?”
“Because he’s-” Sam started and stopped, quickly shutting his mouth.
“Because he’s an angel that’s older than dirt with the knowledge of the universe and crap?”
“I hardly possess all the knowledge of the uni-” Cass tried to protest.
“Nope, zip it,” I said, waving my beer at him. How many had I had already? I’d lost count at… eight…? “Angel opinion trumps all.”
“Okay, but he’s your… best friend,” Sam said tactfully. “Of course he’s gonna side with you.”
“If you were arguing over who was taller, I would obviously state that Sam is taller,” Cass said, setting his book down with a frown. “If you were arguing over who has more beautiful hair, I would obviously state that Sam has the most beautiful hair.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of me.
Cass ignored me and continued. “And if you were arguing over who was the most physically attractive, I would obviously state that it is Dean.”
“Thanks, buddy,” I said, flashing him a grin.
“I’m simply stating the facts,” he said, shifting in his chair.
Sam looked like he wanted to protest, but what could he say to that?
“Facts are facts, little brother,” I clucked at him.
“Cass’s opinion is hardly a fact.”
Cass turned his frowny squint on Sam. “Dean has better facial symmetry.”
“Okay…?”
“Physical attractiveness can be scientifically measured,” Cass explained. “Symmetry, distance between the eyes, distance between the eyes and mouth can all be easily calculated and compared. Dean’s numbers are better than yours.”
“Oof, science, bitch,” I cackled at Sam.
“Whatever,” he huffed in reply.
I turned to Cass, trying to share a victorious grin, but his eyes were on his book again.
It was only later, when I was drunkenly stumbling off to bed, that Sam pulled me aside. “You can’t be doing that, Dean.”
“What, going to bed?” I asked, trying to make my eyes focus on his disapproving expression.
“Dean,” he groaned, exasperated.
“Hey, man,” I started, ready to get defensive about letting off some steam by just having a few drinks.
“Cass is more sensitive than you think.”
I opened and closed my mouth a few times, confused. “What’re we talkin’ ‘bout?”
He sighed loudly, turning into a complete priss. “Dean, you know how Cass feels about you, so why do you insist on taking advantage of him like that?”
“Woah, woah, woah,” I said, flailing my hands around in a way that was supposed to say ‘hold your horses’. “Who is taking advantage of Cass?” I protested.
Now Sammy’s eyes were rolling so hard into the back of his head that I could only see the whites of his eyes.
“Ya look like Lilith when you do that…” I commented.
Sam huffed and puffed and shoved his fairy tale princess hair out of his eyes.
“Look, no one here is…” I paused, looking up and down the hall before continuing, “taking advantage of anyone.”
“You are so oblivious.”
“I think you are just mad ’cause I’m totally more attractive than you,” I said, jabbing him in the chest with my finger.
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Sam said, pushing my finger away. “Maybe we can have this conversation when you’re sober.”
“I’m not drunk,” I protested. I was pretty sure I couldn’t even get drunk anymore. Though, okay, maybe my head was feeling a little fuzzy at the moment, but I was just tired was all.
“Yeah, sure,” Sam muttered, because apparently I’d said all that out loud. “Not like you’re any less obtuse sober.”
“Whaddidju call me?” I asked, squinting at him.
“Good night, Dean.”
“Night, loser,” I grumbled after him as he ambled down the hall. I was ready to escape Sam’s cryptic bullshit and catch some z’s.
The thing was, there was something gnawing at the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite shake, even despite the overwhelming coziness of my memory foam mattress. I stared up at the dark ceiling, and for some reason Cass’s voice started echoing in my head.
Dean is objectively more attractive.
I passed out as soon as I closed my eyes, feeling strangely warm.