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When I was nine years old I went on my first family vacation. Of course, it wasn’t really my family or my vacation, but at the time I remember thinking that it was.
It was his family who departed the sleepy, summer comfort of Wiltshire every year for the warmer breezes of Nice, and it was at his insistence that found me accompanying him and his parents when I was just nine years old. I remember standing in the corner of the Library as he spoke with his mother, who was curled up on a burgundy chaise lounge with a book. He did not ask her so much as he demanded that I was brought along, like some piece of luggage, and although it may sound absurd to think such a thing, it wasn’t so much. I was pressed up against the papered wall, wishing I could disappear into its rich existence as I watched them. It was always frustrating, watching him interact with his mother. Despite my intentions I ached for the things that he had, and at that age I could not understand why he didn’t cherish his gifts more preciously. She was a beautiful woman, his mother, and although she often tried to mask the pity in her expression when she looked at me, I could always see it there, peering down at me from behind her pale blue eyes.
It took surprisingly little effort on his part to iron out the details and before I knew what hit me, I was standing in the entry hall of Malfoy Manor with a small suitcase. Of course my father was thrilled with the prospect of his only son spending some quality time with the Malfoy family, I imagine he was hoping that something would rub off on me. I remember standing in the Library, shoulder to shoulder with him, chewing my bottom lip nervously. His father had shrunken our luggage and stored it safely away for transport, and when the large Grandfather clock struck noon, we stepped up to the large fireplace, one by one.
Lucius disappeared into the fire first, after tossing a large handful of floo powder in and speaking his destination with the kind of intimidating authority that you would expect from him. “Off you go,” Narcissa, said with a smile as she guided the two of us towards the large grate. I was practically bursting with nervous excitement that I didn’t want them to see and so I remained silent, gaze fixed on the lick of flames that slowly morphed from orange to green when he tossed a handful of powder on them. “Cross your fingers, here we go.” He said in my ear, and when I glanced sidelong at him he was grinning so brightly that it was contagious and I smiled back. Before I knew what’s happened he grabbed my hand and tugged me into the flames with him and we were instantly swept away.
We tumbled out of a fireplace inside a posh hotel room in France in a tangle of limbs and a chorus of laughter. I hit the carpeted ground with a dull thud because we had somehow become disoriented in the minute travel. We were a heap of arms and legs and giggles when Lucius cleared his throat, which made us both instantly, fall silent. When I opened my eyes I was flat out on my back with Draco beside me, Lucius’ head hovering upside down above us. He looked impatient with our callous behavior and we quickly scrambled to our feet and dusted ourselves off. I was biting the inside of my cheek to stifle a string of annoyingly uncontrollable giggles when Narcissa stepped elegantly from the green flames, pausing only long enough to brush the imaginary settle of soot from her cloak before sweeping past us and into the large room. My eyes followed her as she paused in the middle of the sitting room and breathed in deeply through her nose, and when her eyes fell closed and her lips curled with a faint smile I thought that she had never looked so happy and free. “It feels good to be back.” She murmured quietly, more to herself than anything, and then Lucius cleared his throat again and the spell was broken.
“Come on,” Draco whispered in my ear, and when he tugged me towards a set of double doors that lead into an adjoining bedroom, I did not object. “This is our room.” He said as he dropped down on the corner of the bed with a smile.
“I don’t think your father is too happy that I’ve tagged along.” I said quietly as I crossed the room to join him on the edge of the bed, and then we exchanged the sort of matching devious grins that speak volumes without uttering a single word.
“He won’t even be here most of the time.” He replied with a casual shrug, and although I didn’t bring it up, it wasn’t hard to recognize the hint of disdain in his voice.
Personally, I was quite relieved that Lucius would be occupied with business for most of our visit. He, like my father, was an intimidating man that I did not like to be around. I was still not sure why Draco worshiped his father as much as he did; the man was clearly no better than my own father.
That first night, when I climbed into the oversized bed beside Draco, I stared up at the ceiling high above our heads and wondered how I had gotten so lucky. I had never wanted a friend, and somehow, despite how hard I had tried to repel him, Draco had successfully wormed his way inside of my heart. Of course, I was only nine years old at the time, and Draco still had a whole lot more work to do before he had effectively destroyed my heart for anyone else, but I was undeniably happy that night and many nights beyond.
The next morning I woke just as the first rays of sunlight had only just found us in France. It wasn’t uncommon for me to rise at such an hour, I had yet to transform into the nocturnal version of myself that I was destined to become. I extracted myself from the pile of thick duvets as carefully as I could and when I was free I glanced back over my shoulder at the sleeping blond lump that was mostly obscured by bed covers. I hadn’t expected to find anyone else awake so you can imagine my surprise when I found Narcissa curled up in an armchair by the fireplace. “You’re up early.” She said with a smile, regarding me from her seat in the center of the room.
I stood there fidgeting in the doorway for a long moment, unsure of what to say and feeling vaguely uncomfortable. Draco’s mother had always been kind to me but she was still an adult and I suppose in her own way, she intimidated me. “Yes,” I murmured finally, a faint blush spreading out across my cheeks that made her smile again.
“Care to join me?” She asked with a slight tilt of her head, and it was only then that I realized that her hair was hanging down in long golden rivulets instead of fastened up in a neat plait like it usually was.
I froze because I was unsure of how to respond. I didn’t want to appear rude, but I also wasn’t sure that I was the proper type of company for someone like her. “It’s okay Theodore, I won’t bite.” Her mouth curled with a wry smile that instantly set my nerves at ease and even though I said nothing, I found myself stepping into the sitting room and moving closer to her. I climbed up into the armchair beside hers and when I glanced at her, she was watching me with the sort of expression that mother’s look upon their children with and it made me a little bit sad. I turned my gaze to the fire instead and we sat in silence for a long time, the intermittent crackle of burning wood, the only sound. I know that it should have been awkward, sitting there in a hotel room in France with my best friend’s mother not speaking, but it wasn’t so much. I found her presence comforting somehow, despite having lost my own mother at such an early age. I appreciated her for allowing me to just sit there without the expectation to carry on a proper conversation, and it was in those fleeting moments before the rest of our group woke up, that I decided that Narcissa Malfoy was one of the things that I liked about Draco best.
By the time that breakfast had arrived via room service I was properly dressed and seated at a round wooden table with Draco and his parents. Lucius sipped strong black coffee while reading over the morning Prophet and didn’t really speak to any of us at all while Narcissa served us tea and pain au chocolate. I nibbled at the corner of my pastry and sipped my tea quietly while Draco inquired about our plans for the day, and even though I had been properly invited on this trip, I still felt terribly out of place.
After breakfast Lucius left for a day that he assured us would be “full of meetings and dreadfully dull,” and it was only after he had disappeared in a swirl of green flames that I allowed myself to breath easier. I was just digging my journal out of my luggage when Draco stepped into the room. “Mother is going to escort us out today.” He announced as he hopped up on the edge of the bed where he narrowed his eyes at me. “What are you doing?” He asked, raising a single blond brow sharply.
“Looking for something,” I muttered impatiently, shoving my arm clear inside of the expansive case in my search.
“No time for writing in that boring thing today, didn’t you hear me? We’re going out.” Draco was not the sort of person that took no for an answer, even at nine years old. This was one of the more annoying parts of his personality, and even though I would have very much liked to protest, I knew that it would be pointless to do so. “Where are we going?” I asked, withdrawing my arm from my luggage and making a mental note to locate the journal later on.
The very first time I laid eyes on the Cote d’Azure my breath was taken away. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life and I think that if I were a painter, I would have depicted this vision before me every day for the rest of my life and been happy. Narcissa had stripped us of our usual outer wear and although I had felt somewhat awkward walking through the throngs of casually strolling people in a pair of muggle shorts, that awkwardness was instantly forgotten the moment I dipped my toes into the warm sand for the first time. The soft ripple of crystalline water and warm golden beach transfixed me and somewhere inside I knew that I would never see anything quite as beautiful again.
Of course, it was really only a beach, and in time I would bathe in the beauty of every beach across the globe, but at that particular moment, I felt like I was home.
I spent hours splashing waist-deep in the warm ocean water with Draco, who was far more fearless in the water than he had yet to become. We were just like a couple of inseparable fish that day on the beach, and although the memory of this moment would fade and distort over time, this was the perfect depiction of our youth. When we grew bored of the water we sat down on a damp bank and dug aimlessly in the sand for the sake of doing it, and after that we took turns chasing one another through the shallow water. We were free from obligation and the consequence of living and for just that moment, we were two little boys on holiday, nothing more. We frolicked up and down that beach until the sun had shifted lower and the insistent pangs of hunger could no longer be ignored. Narcissa cleaned us up and dried us off and we met up with Lucius for a late lunch picnic atop Castle Hill. Lucius and Narcissa sipped elderflower wine from crystal goblets and Draco picked out the tomatoes in his finger sandwiches and tried to sneak them onto my plate while no one was looking. Lucius spoke vaguely about his day and Narcissa suggested that we take a walk through the promenade before heading back to the hotel.
Place Rossetti was crowded and warm and I trailed after Draco, who was always a few steps ahead of the rest of us. We stopped to peer down into the grande fountain just before sunset and I stared down at my watery reflection and wondered if this was all a dream. When Narcissa slipped small muggle coins into our hands she winked at me, but said not a word. She slipped her arm through Lucius’ and led him away from the fountain and it was only then that I opened my hand and realized I was holding a muggle coin in my palm. I glanced quickly at Draco, who was grinning right back at me. “Make a wish,” He whispered as he lifted his coin and pressed it against his lips. I watched in silence as Draco closed his eyes and made his wish and when he tossed his coin into the fountain, I couldn’t help but wonder what he wished for.
Suddenly Draco was looking at me and I couldn’t stop the blush of embarrassment at having been caught out so blatantly watching his private moment. “Make a wish already.” He said, gesturing to the coin still sitting in my open palm.
I nodded silently and lifted the coin to my lips the way I’d seen him do it, and when the cold metal touched my skin I shut my eyes and tried to think of a proper wish. Wishing for impossible things seemed pointless to me. What was the point of wishing for things that you could never attain? In the end I wished to never forget that day and how it made me feel because I didn’t think it was too big a thing to ask for.
I watched as my coin dropped into the water and settled on the bottom of the fountain with countless other coins, and for just a moment, I wanted to reach in and take it back.
Draco took my hand and drug me away from the fountain after that, and my coin and my wish were forgotten by the time we settled on a blanket by the Observatoire beneath a sky blanketed with stars. “Tell me about the stars.” Draco said beside me, and when we lie back to peer up at the night sky above it felt like we were the only two people in the entire world. He listened intently as I pointed out clusters and constellations in the methodical tones that far exceeded my age, and although I did not know it, he felt it too.
Maybe his wish was never that different than mine after all.
The second time I lay down in that oversized bed we shared in France I was filled with warmth and contentment that I was scared to get used to. I closed my eyes and replayed the visions of us on the beach behind my eyelids for a long time; Draco curled up beside me and already fast asleep. I would have never admitted it at the time, but I was afraid to wake up and find that it was all just a dream that I could never recapture.
∞
“Why Nice?”
The question is posed many years later, after I have done more living and more dying than any man at my age should be made to do. I am lying on a striped blanket beneath an umbrella at the very base of the Cote d’Azure beside Draco, a pair of Raybans shielding my eyes from the brilliant brightness that only a French sun can provide. We have spent so many years running away from each other that we finally found ourselves again. He had located me at the precise point in my life when I had just given up daring to dream, which, as I’ve come to realize, is so distinctly Draco. Now we are running away together, and although it has taken us a very long time, we have now come full circle.
“Family tradition.” He says beside me, and when I close my eyes and smile, I understand all that I need to.
It will be many years before we see Nice again, and when we do it will be with the company of our son. Sharing my life with Draco and Scorpius has made me realize that my family has always been there, even if I couldn’t see it, and when I lead this little boy who has changed so many lives down to the water for the first time, my wish will have finally came true.