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“Do you ever get upset? When I talk about Yuki?” Mafuyu asked suddenly, looking up at his boyfriend. The two were nestled together on the older boy's bed, with Mafuyu’s head resting on the younger one’s lap.
Ritsuka let out a contemplative hum at the abrupt question “sometimes” he admitted “I know I’m never going to be Yuki, but sometimes I wonder if that makes me a worse boyfriend”.
His voice was strained and stuttered as he spoke, tongue twisting clumsily around the broken statement. They were trying to be honest with each other, for once, following Haruki’s advice. After everything that had happened with SYH and Yuki’s song, they decided they needed it.
“You’re not,” Mafuyu said sharply, a direct contrast to the uncertainty in his boyfriend's tone “You’re an amazing boyfriend, sure we mess up a lot but that’s normal. We’ll just mess up together”.
Ritsuka snorted “That sounds like song lyrics,” he joked. Despite his obviously humorous tone, Mafuyu actually looked contemplative, like he was considering the possibility. “I guess they do,” he said eventually, laughing softly. The two continued chatting casually, drifting between topics. At some point, Ristuka’s hand found its way to his boyfriend’s head, calloused fingers combing evenly through ginger strands.
“Why do you keep comparing yourself to Yuki?” Mafuyu asked during a lull in conversation. His boyfriend shrugged “How can I not? Don’t you compare us too?” He questioned genuinely. Mafuyu shook his head, Ristuka blushed a bright crimson as his boyfriend's nose brushed dangerously close to his thighs.
“I’ve never compared the two of you” Mafuyu answered honestly, oblivious to his boyfriend's flushed face “Not since we started dating. You and Yuki are barely alike, so why do you try to compete with him so bad?”.
Ritsuka shrugged again, looking away from the boy on his lap, silent for a moment. “I guess” he started slowly “It’s because he was such a big part of your life? I mean, you did everything together, didn’t you?”.
Mafuyu nodded “Yuki wanted to be as many of my firsts as he could be”.
“And that’s exactly it” Ritsuka said, a note of frustration creeping into his tone “If you’ve done everything with him, what’s left for me? I feel like a cheap replacement”.
Mafuyu pursed his lips, silent for a moment, eyebrows furrowed. He didn’t think of Ritsuka as a replacement, but he had a feeling the dark haired boy wouldn’t believe that right now.
“Well” he started hesitantly “It may not be my first time ever but… a lot of the things I’ve done are my first time doing them with you, so doesn’t that make it special?” He asked.
Ritsuka didn’t reply, so he powered through and kept talking, trying to capture every fleeting thought in his head and turn it into comprehensible speech “And besides, I’ve had some firsts with you. The first time I sung on a stage was beside you, I wrote my first song with your help, I told you when we went to Minato Mirai that it was my first time there, you’re the first person I’ve asked out, you-”.
“Okay!” Ritsuka interrupted loudly, face red “I get it! Stop talking before I say something sappy, you idiot!”.
His cheeks were flaming, eyes wide, expression almost panicked. Mafuyu couldn’t help but laugh at his disaster of a boyfriend.
Ritsuka grumbled about it but couldn’t hold back a small smile himself, resuming the slow ministrations through Mafuyu’s hair. The ginger haired boy hummed appreciatively, tense muscles loosening as he snuggled closer to his boyfriend.
“I love you, Ritsuka-kun” he whispered softly. Smiling as his boyfriend whispered the same sentiment back at him.
There would be more talking in the future, they still had to deal with all the unresolved issues hanging over their heads, and of course there would be more tension and conflicts as they continued to grow. But in that moment, Mafuyu was content to just let life pass them by, cuddling close to his first true love.
Maybe even his first (and last) husband some day.