Work Text:
“Akito.. Akito I-. I like you. Would you please go out with me?...”
Distraught but powerful eyes looking into his soul, the gray of Toyas eyes creeping itself into his heart, Akito didn't expect it to happen like this. Or more accurately, he didn't think it would ever happen.
Here they were. The dumpster area behind Weekend Garage. After probably the best duo show they've done since Vivid Bad Squad was proposed.
A couple of days away from Valentine's day.
Water spitting from the clouds above, not enough to make his clothes too noticeably or uncomfortably wet but enough for it to be felt on his face overtime, it felt like tears even though he hadn't even shed any, looking at the boy standing in front of him he very much could do so.
He looked scared.
Akito couldn't help but think it was his fault.
Toya held a small bag of store bought chocolates, they were Akito's favorite, Toyas finger holding the snacks through the ribbon bow. He didn't hold it out to give it to Akito, instead looking in Akitos direction. Not at him, Akito knew that would be hard to do for Toya on a good day. He never was good with looking at peoples eyes when they talked with him.
Even some days the sight of Toya explicitly expressing himself was like if a spell was cast on his terminal poker face.
Akito knew what Toyas situation with his Dad was like, repressing all of those emotions and having to do what you don't enjoy. Akito helped him through it for fucks sake so of anybody knows it should be him. He knows why it must have been insanely rough for Toya to build himself up to admit his feelings right now. Surely his Dad would disapprove of Toya feeling like this too.
Akito thought to his own dad. What would he think if Akito said yes?
He'd never been the type to support stuff like that, Ena kept her friendship with Mizuki a secret for a long time, nevermind the current ongoing secret of them dating under his nose. But Ena would never dare to bring Mizuki over since her room was a mess and “Mizuki's bed is way comfier”. An explanation which his father obviously never heard, only being told Ena was sleeping at Kanade's since he knew nothing about her. Apparently she didn't mind.
And… He'll admit. It's not like this confession came out of nowhere, it's not like they were any stranger to being vaguely romantic when it was just them. Sitting on Akitos bed watching videos and having to explain to Ena that “yes he needs to be this close to see the screen”, “Yes I need to be this close as well you know I'm a little blind.”. Ena called it cuddling, Akito would deny it in the moment but he couldn't lie to himself.
Some nights the two had sleepovers sorting through songs to perform next only for Toya to find some sappy love song which always hit too close to home for Akito. Being “together forever” or whatever it was he brought up last. It's not like it wasn't true but what if Akitos dad came in as he was singing the lyrics to himself. What if his mother asked him, “who's the lucky lady that one's for?” Only to have to laugh and walk away in shame back to his own room, having to remember not to practice certain songs in the house.
Turns out that entire list was full of duets. And the heavy majority was duets with his partner.
He felt the lyrics in his soul. They had to mean something. And apparently, to Toya, they did.
Blurring his eyes back open to look at his partner again, but ultimately failing, not being able to move his head up.
Akito tried his best at forcing the words out, to match the confidence his partner was able to show, looking down at the uneven tiles of the ground below him, they're probably older than Ken, he thought. Even though Ken isn't that old. Wet slate stared back a familiar gray color, it seemed no matter where Akito looked right now he couldn't avoid thinking of Toya. He knew he liked him back, he had to. What else could this crushing feeling be?
Waking up in the mornings just to check his phone if Toya was already awake wishing him a good morning, asking when he'd arrive at school if he was late. No matter how dry the boy texted him some days he still cherished the feeling of talking with him because what they had together was special. Getting to bed later than usual rereading old messages to relive the moment since Toya never stayed up too late.
When rereading he could see that nobody else listened to him the way Toya would, attentive and curious. His way of letting you know he was paying attention was to wait and ask questions, he loved to get a better understanding of stuff he didn't really get. Like, nobody else listened when that new Sonic game got announced which Akito got a little too excited about, Toya sat in the little corner booth with Akito for hours listening to him describe the plots of the older games - his theories, his thoughts and opinions.
Akito would do the same about something Toya was passionate about. Like those weird fantasy books he liked which Akito could never understand the concept of or some weird podcast he'd liked which Akito never got the appeal of. But it was Toya. So he'd listen and take mental notes of who these weird people were.
If Toya got into some musical Tsukasa showed him for a week or too then Akito would look into who the hell these actors and performers were. It made Toya happy.
Before doing shows with Toya, nobody else picked up on his nervous mannerisms. When Akito would bite on his nails or the inside of his mouth, Toya would notice and ask if he was ok, he'd reassure him it would all be ok, that everything was going to be ok. That he'd do great at that show or that test, no matter what anyone else thought.
Toya thought he was great.
Toya thought. He was great enough to want to date him.
Akito wanted to as well. He really did.
But what if… y'know?
What if someone slips up, the wrong person gets told “Akito and Toya are gay”. What if it's his parents? What if it's Toyas dad?
Akito could handle whatever would happen if Ena teases too explicitly at dinner, he'd be able to say “yeah and what?”. At least he thinks he could. But Ena would be there to join him and stand up for himself, she always did, she loved him really. Just in their own way.
Could Toya do that? Pretty much all on his own.
Could Toya look into his fathers eyes again and rebel, destroying the vision his father had of his three perfect piano playing sons, breaking his fathers vision into 100 even smaller pieces. Never to be able to be changed or worked around or understood.
Akito thought of Toyas dad. Just… look at him man. He looks as unapproving an old and traditional as they really get, the type to pull a face when a diverse couple of any sorts show up on an advert. He'd probably scoff at Akito even more than he already apparently did.
The boy that took away his perfect plan of a classical son. The boy who ruined him. The boy who planted himself into Toyas brain, never to leave.
The boy his perfect son was confessing his feelings to right now.
The boy who was too much of a coward to give a straight answer. The boy who was too much of a coward to respond.
Akitos hands were sweaty, he knew his hair had matted a little after the show but the weather only made it look even worse. The jacket he wore to shows pulled up to expose his elbows since he got too warm after throwing himself about a stage for however long it was up there. It always felt like it was never long enough when he was with Toya, he could stay there forever in the moment with him.
But right now?
It was like he was having his heart ripped out, even though he knows he wants this.
He wants to wake up everyday knowing he's with Toya, maybe waking up in his arms or with Toya in his. It wouldn't matter as long as they were together.
But he couldn't risk it. Their peers could find out, Ena could find out, their parents could find out.
It burned to say what he was thinking. He didn't want to say it. But he couldn't bring himself to a definite answer right now. He'd been quiet too long, defeat already readable on Toyas face.
He couldn't leave him like this. He didn't want to. He wanted to say yes and do whatever couples do. And go back in the cafe, proudly holding Toyas hand probably to An's dismay and Kohane's joy.
Imagination was a wicked thing. It ignored the other possibility. The worst possible future for them both. Whatever that could end up being.
He had to stay neutral.
He had to keep this burning feeling to himself.
He just needed more time.
Forcing his face upwards, knowing the expression he pulled was pitiful, but it was only for Toya to see. For better or worse.
“Could you give me time to think it over…?”
The silence was deafening. Toyas face clearly looked upset, he clearly wanted an answer now. It was unlike him to be inpatient, but Akito felt the same. He didn't wanna wait.
No matter what he did he couldn't avoid what other people were thinking of him, whether it be music or his feelings about his best friend. He desperately wanted to express them: in words, in actions, in song. It's all he needed.
Toya. Aoyagi Toya was all he needed.
The burning wouldn't stop. And it likely will stay for a while.
A boney hand raising to offer the chocolates came into vision. The sleeves of the jacket are a little too long, the nails a little uneven and the hands themselves shaking. The white chocolate swayed slightly as it got closer to Akito.
“...All the time you need, partner…But could we talk about it before you come to your final decision… please.”
Akito's eyes making contact with the bag. His eyes tracing upwards from there.
Toyas hands, always cold to the touch, slightly knobbly and cracked.
The blue jacket he wore, that Akito picked out for him when the group decided they needed some new clothes recently.
The pretty necklace hanging around the black turtleneck sweater he wore. Akito is still proud of how perfectly it suits him, mixing elegance and street style into the best description of Toya humanly possible in a budget.
His awkwardly long neck, always leaning forwards slightly due to the height difference with him and the rest of the group. Always willing to do small things. He was thoughtful. Or just the music speakers were a little too loud sometimes which might be giving Toya slight headaches and making his sense of hearing worse.
His mouth, turned town in a plea.
The mole on his face which Akito always defended, saying it looks cool.
His nose being slightly larger than other peoples.
His eyes looking at the bag, lingering eye contact behind his long eyelashes.
Toya wouldn't know. But Akito was doing his part on making eye contact, he couldn't help it now he was looking there. He just found Toya too wonderful not to stare.
Toya was great.
He was willing to help Akito understand what he was thinking and to get him through this.
They can work through this.
“Yeah. I can do that.”
Together.