Chapter Text
I
Leah has no idea when it started for her. Just, all of a sudden, she realizes that Alessia had crept her way to the forefront of her mind. She had always sort of noticed her, but not this much and definitely not in the way she is now. This realization couldn’t come at a more inconvenient time.
They are at camp so it’s not like she could avoid her. They usually don’t run in the same circles much which is a blessing and a curse for Leah. Of course it gives her a little bit of time to preoccupy herself with other things, the tournament and her captaincy for example. But she also feels herself looking for Alessia more actively when she does see her.
It also really doesn’t help that Alessia plays as a striker. While they are on different ends of the pitch during position-specific drills, she often has to defend against Alessia for other drills and during scrimmages. And she hates it. Alessia is hard to defend against anyways but Leah also starts to make small, avoidable, mistakes against her.
(It’s maddening, really. She feels like a schoolgirl with her crush. Not that she would ever call this a crush. She is not 12 after all. She also has the Euros to concentrate on and can’t think about something stupid like this.)
They are on top of their game, Leah knows they are able to win the whole thing. She doesn’t let herself dream too much, takes it just one step after the other. But she throws herself into it with all that she’s got, erasing one mistake at a time, she is the captain after all. She wants to, has to, lead by example.
“If you stare at her any longer, more people will start to notice, you know?”
As always, Keira has her all figured out. They’re on the bus back to the hotel after their semi-final win. She sits more in the front, Keira next to her, Georgia facing them.
Leah’s got a good view of the rest of the bus and her teammates this way which she appreciates.
She can see Rachel and Millie showing each other videos on their phones across the isle, she can see Beth in the far back on her phone, probably talking to Viv. And she can see Mary animatedly telling Tooney and Katie something. Hand-gestures and everything. But mostly, she can see Alessia sitting next to Mary laughing at everything the other woman does.
“What?” That didn’t come out chill at all, it sounded like she felt caught. Which she was but Keira shouldn’t know that. She clenches her jaw and slows her breathing. “What are you on about?”
“You staring at our star girl back there.” Keira motions in Alessia’s general direction with her head.
“I’m not staring at anybody.” She rolls her eyes for good measure, snapping her head in Keira’s direction. Hopefully everyone is too preoccupied to mind anything Keira has to say. Leah can’t deal with nosy teammates right now.
Obviously, she was staring at Alessia. How could she not? The other woman is glowing. She always is but after the goal - the backheel - she scored tonight, after the game she’s had, Leah thinks she’s glowing just a little bit more. (It looks good on her.)
“Look can we not talk about whatever you think there is to talk about right now? Can we just concentrate on this tournament?”
“I mean, we just won a game and got some free time, but whatever makes you happy, captain.” Keira grins.
“Oh shut it, you.”
(Maybe she doesn’t have her stupid crush as in control as she thought. Of course, Keira knows her very well but she still shouldn’t have been able to catch her staring. She shouldn’t have stared in the first place.)
And maybe Alessia stumbles into her while they’re getting off the bus and maybe she still feels the weight of Alesia’s hands one her shoulder and arm much later on. But Keira or anyone else doesn’t need to know that.
II
Jan. 19th 2023
Leah: You gonna wear the right shade of red soon?
Alessia: Don’t know about that
Leah: Surely they can’t reject an offer that high?
Alessia: I mean, they could use the money I’m sure.
Alessia: But we’re in the middle of the title race
Leah: So you don’t wanna come to us?
Alessia: Not right now.
Jan. 23rd 2023
Leah: I heard, they upped the offer?
Alessia: They did.
Alessia: Can I call you?
Leah stares at the text. Sure, they’ve been texting quite a bit since last summer and especially since Arsenal’s devastating loss at home against United in November.
Alessia had scored a beauty of a goal and Leah just had to compliment her for it. They’d had an England camp right before that and the trash talk had been at an all time high. She didn’t want the striker to think there were any hard feelings between them. (It also gave her an excuse to text, sue her.)
So, she had texted her first after the game and they had even met up for breakfast the next day. But other than that one time it had been purely texting, updating each other on their practices during the Christmas break, sharing workout tips, the odd short story about their families sprinkled in. But that was is. No calls, no other meet-ups.
She startles out of her thoughts when she sees the three dots appearing again, Alessia typing something else. Leah notices that a couple of minutes have passed since Alessia’s last message. She probably thinks Leah doesn’t want to talk to her. Before she can change her mind, she takes the initiative and calls the other woman.
“Leah? Sorry, to ambush you like that, I’m sure you had other things to do.” Alessia rushes out instead of a greeting.
“Alessia, I called you, didn’t I?” Leah chuckles a little. The other girl’s nervousness is endearing. “Don’t worry, I’m not busy.”
“Oh, okay, good.” She can hear Alessia exhale. “I don’t even know what exactly I want to ask. I just thought- I don’t know, they upped the offer quite a bit. It’s so much money, Leah! I don’t know what I want. But I also don’t think I even have much of a say in it.”
“Hey, breathe, okay? I know it’s hard to digest. But, Alessia, they wouldn’t offer that if you weren’t worth it. Don’t even think about the money aspect of it all.”
“Right- it’s hard not to, you know?” Alessia takes a second to continue “They don’t involve me as much as I liked in all these talks. I thought I, as the player, was more of a factor in the decision-making but right now it doesn’t feel like my opinion matters all that much. We’ve been talking about my contract for almost a year and now this on top of it.”
Leah bristles. She hates this business-side of football. The side where money talks and players’ opinions are only afterthoughts. Of course, it’s not always like this nowadays, often the players have a lot of say in their moves and salaries but there are still enough instances where other people decide about the future of a player without involving said player enough. Even if it’s just to dismiss an offer like it is in this case.
“Do you want to make a decision right now? Last week it seemed like there was no real decision to be made, you sounded pretty sure about staying in Manchester?” She questions instead of voicing her thoughts, Alessia doesn’t need her to be upset right now.
Alessia takes a second to answer again. Leah can’t help but wonder if she might have overstepped with her question.
“I know it’s probably weird.”
She tries to interrupt the other woman to tell her that whatever her thoughts and feelings are on the matter, aren’t weird, that her opinion matters. But Alessia continues and a rash statement like that probably would’ve been too much right now anyway. She desperately needs to channel her inner captain and think about it more rationally.
“I don’t think I’ve changed my opinion, I want to see this season out with the team, we’re on a good run. It wouldn’t feel right to join a direct rival right now.” She winces. “Sorry, about that.”
Leah only grunts, it doesn’t feel nice to be called a rival by Alesia. But in the end, as much as she wishes that wasn’t the case, rivals is exactly what they are in the league.
“I just thought I’d have more peace making a decision about my future. I don’t- I don’t like that everyone here and everywhere else is talking about me and not with me, like I’m in the room and they’re just talking over me. It’s just all so frustrating!” Alessia was starting to get more agitated now, she clearly needed to vent.
“And I can’t really talk to anyone about it! My brother obviously is professionally involved so I can’t talk to him as just my brother, my parents and other brother try but they don’t really understand. And then what, I can’t talk to Tooney or Mary about it. Imagine!”
Alessia takes a deep breath, she needs it. Leah can imagine her throwing her hands into the air when she comes to the end of her rant. She can’t help but smile, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Alessia quite this enraged about something off the pitch. Somehow this is very endearing to her. She rolls her eyes at herself. It seems like whatever the other woman does, it somehow ends up charming her further.
“Well, I can’t say that I know how you’re feeling, because I’ve obviously never been in your situation. But I’ve seen it enough to know a bit about it. As far as I can see, the clubs stance and your own aren’t too far off each other about a move, right?” Alessia hums.
“So, just let this thing pass and then regroup for a while. If I understand correctly you don’t have a sufficient offer from United yet. See how those talks continue, see how the club treats you and your opinion then and re-evaluate what you think of everything. Have an honest talk with your brother about it.” Leah stares at the muted football game on her TV.
(That sounded very captain-like in her head, she hopes it is. She would like to just tell Alessia to screw United, accept the offer, and move to North London. Though she knows she can’t do that, so that’ll have to do for the moment.)
“If you need some more advice down the line you can obviously call me. But also don’t underestimate your friends even if they’re your club teammates as well. They’re biased but they are also your friends.”
Leah hopes, the advice she gives is what Alessia needs at that moment. Maybe offering more advice of her own was a little too much, after all they aren’t close friends and she doesn’t want to overstep or come on too strong.
“Thanks, Leah.” Alessia sounds much calmer now. “Thanks for listening to me and just giving me the space to talk. Sorry, about just dumping all of my thoughts on you though.” She sounds a little sheepish now. Leah is having none of it.
“No worries, Less. What are captains for, right?” She attempts to joke.
“Right…” Alessia trails off. “Anyways, what’s up with you?”
(And if the huge offer from Arsenal was needed for both her and Alessia to get over whatever reservations they had, she’s glad for it. It only takes a couple of days for Alessia to call her and from then on calls between them come with a high frequency.)
III
Leah feels stressed. She always does at the moment.
They have too many injuries, they’ve lost too many points, it’s not looking too promising for this last stretch of the season. They can’t afford any miss-steps. They’re coming off a win against City making them level in points but still three behind United. The short break since that game has been very welcomed by all of them. So, the overall mood going into the Wednesday game is good, the spirits are high. Katie missing due to yellow cards is unfortunate against the current top team of the league but at least Steph is back on the bench. It is a big game for them.
She knows how to deal with pressure but being the current captain of her team, so injury-ridden yet again, is getting even to her. Jonas put her in midfield, which was to be expected. She’s glad she doesn’t have to mark Alessia tonight, that responsibility is going to Lotte and Rafa. Alessia is a pest to play against, she never knows where the other woman might be on the pitch, she moves much more off the ball than most strikers. She gladly takes on Ella instead.
Leah’s not sure how it happens exactly, she just wants to step around Katie Zelem and suddenly her knee is shooting pain through her whole leg. She finds herself on the ground, her ears ringing, She presses her face into the grass, the pain in her knee becomes almost unbearable.
Lia is beside instantly, but she can’t really hear what she or Katie, who also appears at her side, are saying. She shakes her head to get rid of the ringing in her ears, feeling the grass beneath her and the warmth her friends’ hands offer is somewhat grounding. The ref comes over and finally waves the physios on the pitch. She feels as if it’s taking ages even though it’s been probably only moments since she got injured.
Leah now hears Lia asking her questions but none of them register. She’s seen so many of these injuries that she’s instantly very sure that she has torn her ACL. The thought of what is about to come runs through her head over and over again, she can’t concentrate on anything else.
She manages to walk off the pitch on her own, not needing the stretcher that was brought to her aid. Maybe it gives her team a little bit of hope that it’s not her knee, they don’t really need the thought of another ACL injury happening to their team in their heads for the rest of the game.
In the end, obviously no one can confirm anything just yet, they need to do some scans to be fully sure. But after they do some test both the physios and Leah are certain that she has torn her ACL just like she suspected from the start.
“Do you want to talk to the girls at halftime or would you rather stay here?” Kim asks her. Through all of the tests, she stood in the corner of the examination room and listened to the conversation, arms crossed and stone-faced.
Leah doesn’t want either option, she wants to be home in her bed. And then she wants to wake up and discover that all of this has been a nightmare. She wouldn’t tell Kim that though. But she desperately needs some alone time, just a few minutes to herself. No physios around her, moving her leg with some test, not Kim with worry in her eyes.
“Could you get me my phone? I think I’m gonna call my mom. And then you go talk to them, don’t tell them about my injury yet, I’ll tell them later.”
She doesn’t want to call her mom yet, because she knows when she eventually calls her, she won’t be able to keep the tears at bay. So far, she’s managed with only one lone tear when they were in the tunnel right after she’s come off the pitch. She needs a good cry but she wants to save that for when she’s home.
The call is still a good enough excuse to be left alone for a while. Leah knows she’ll have to face the team soon enough, but they have the whole way back to London and right now she could do with a moment to herself.
Kim of course gets her her phone and tells her to text if she needs anything. The physios got her crutches already so she will be able to get back to their dressing room eventually.
Her phone lays abandoned next to her. She doesn’t want to check for any messages, she knows there will be some from her family, some from friends, probably a few notifications from various apps. She can’t face all that yet, she just wants a little peace and quiet.
She doesn’t know how long she just sits there by herself, head lent against the wall behind her, leg propped up. At some point, she hears steps, stopping in front of the door, hesitating to come in. Leah is pretty sure, it’s Kim, coming to tell her that she needs to get over to their dressing room to get changed. She steels herself to face the music.
The tentative knock on the door doesn’t sound like Kim at all though. The door slowly opens and Alessia carefully pops her head in.
“Are you up for a visitor?” She smiles softly. “It’s just me, no one else! Also feel free to just send me away, no pressure.”
Before she can question it, she nods for Alessia to come in. The other woman stays close to the door, clearly unsure about what to do. She looks at Leah’s bandaged knee with big eyes.
“Is the game over then?” Leah asks, unnerved by the silence.
“Nah, still around 20 minutes left, I thought I’d take the chance to come see you before it’s a circus in here and you guys go back.” Again, Alessia sends an unbelievably soft smile her way.
(If her mind wasn’t occupied with other things, the smile alone would have her internally swooning for the rest of the day at least.)
“What’s the score?”
Alessia raises an eyebrow and nods to her phone next to her. “You haven’t been keeping up with the game?”
She just shakes her head. “I don’t- “ she hesitates. “I don’t want to go on my phone and see all the messages asking about me.”
Leah doesn’t look up. She doesn’t want to see the pity that’s surely on Alessia’s face now.
“Well- “ Alessia cuts herself off. “This is a bit awkward then. Uhm, we’re leading you guys by one goal.” She says something else but it’s too quiet for Leah to hear.
“Come again?”
“I scored the goal.” Alessia looks at her feet now.
Leah can’t help but bark out something close to a laugh. “You sure like to score against us, huh, Less?”
That earns her a sheepish smile. She thinks those are probably Alessia’s speciality with how often she sees them sent her way during their FaceTime calls. She doesn’t know if the slight blush just appeared or if it’s still from the game.
“Hey, can I sit with you for a second?”
Leah scoots over a bit and gestures for Alessia to sit down. The other woman sits right next to her, the lack of space causes their legs and shoulders to touch. It is a bit uncomfortable at first until Alessia lifts her arm. “Can I?”
And just like that Leah finds herself leaning into Alessia’s side, arm securely around her.
They sit like that for a while, Leah feels as Alessia’s fingers draw patterns on her arm. Alessia just talks about her week like she would be if they were on one of their calls. She clearly doesn’t expect Leah to answer or ask questions but just tries to keep her and her mind occupied.
When the outside noises make it clear to them that the game is over, Leah tenses. She doesn’t want to face reality, the little bubble Alessia created for not even 20 minutes had been very comfortable and she appreciates Alessia’s way of being there with her immensely. She could escape her own reality for some time and spending time with Alessia in general was of course always a good thing for her. But she has a bus to catch and she probably should also at least change out of her uniform before that.
Alessia squeezes her for a second before getting up. “Alright, do you want me to help you in any way? Or should I get someone from your team? Or the physios? Where are your crutches?” She looks around, only getting interrupted by the chuckle Leah can’t hold back.
“I’m rambling again, aren’t I?” Alessia sheepishly asks and ducks her head.
“Don’t worry, it’s cute.” Leah winks at Alessia, who is bright red by now. “I can manage on my own, the physios said they’d be back when the game ended.”
Feeling bold after the effect her wink had, she opens her arms. “Can I get a hug though?”
Hugging the slightly taller girl feels nice. She knew that from various celebrations but a real hug like this is tighter and just feels infinitely better. Alessia is warm and welcoming and squeezes her softly. Leah feels smaller than she is in a good way, Alessia enveloping her securely.
Leah whispers a quiet “Thanks” and hopes the depth of what she means comes across.
(But she doesn’t ask Alessia to stay longer, doesn’t ask her to visit London over the Champions League weekend. That would be foolish and overstepping every boundary she’s set for herself.)
IV
The first few days after the injury are the hardest she’s had in her life so far. Her mum was waiting at her house when she got back from Manchester, Jen being so kind to drop her off. Having her mum with her, helped her from going crazy in the first couple of days. She was certainly god-sent, doing everything she could, driving Leah to doctor’s appointments, cooking all her favorite things (or sometimes just making her a ham sandwich), and doing every household chore from the washing to cleaning the bathroom for her.
A few weeks after the injury happened, she has her surgery. It starts the long and hard process that lays ahead of her, and robs her of ending a hard season with her team and of going to the World Cup with her England teammates. Her mum comes over again for the first few days but since it is a normal work-week, she only stays until day three post surgery.
She spends a lot of time just mindlessly watching TV and wallowing in self-pity. Her teammates and Alex make it a point to come over a lot, always trying to take her mind off things. Beth and Viv definitely both know how it is but they are also occupied with helping Laura who definitely needs them more than she does right now. Still, talking to them helps.
Alessia checks in as much as she can. Being in season doesn’t give her much time to work with, but their, by now usual, phone or FaceTime calls seem to get even more frequent. Often, Alessia calls her when she is cooking, just propping up her phone somewhere in her kitchen and mindlessly talking to Leah while chopping up some veggies or meat.
Those are Leah’s favorite calls because they give such a comfortable and frankly domestic vibe. She lays on her couch but she almost feels as if she was with Alessia who cooks them dinner. They even eat “together” during those calls.
The FA cup final is coming up on the weekend right after her surgery. And while Arsenal has been out of that competition since February, Alessia and United are playing against Chelsea in that final. In Wembley, which is conveniently in London as Alessia points out a couple of days before.
She more or less invites herself over to Leah’s the morning after the final for breakfast. The team obviously has that day off even though they’re still in the last stretches of the season and still in contention for winning the league.
Leah hobbles over to open the door as fast as her crutches allow her to, one week post surgery. She can see Alessia on the other side, excitedly waving the take-out bag in her hand. Leah had asked Alessia to bring them some pastries, since she’s not able to make something for them and didn’t want to put that on her guest.
“I come bearing gifts!” Alessia lets out instead of an actual greeting while entering Leah’s house.
“Hello Leah, how are you and the knee, thanks for having me.” Leah mocks and rolls her eyes at the younger woman who is already taking her shoes off as if she’s been in her home a bunch of times, which she hasn’t.
“Hello Leah, how are you and the knee, thanks for having me.” Alessia grins at her cheekily and opens her arms. “Can I get a hug? Please.”
Leah feels her insides turn into mush at that. But she hurries as good as she can to wrap her arms around the younger woman. “It’s good to see you.” She breathes.
(And while Leah loves that Alessia isn’t as shy and lets out her cheeky side more around her, she loves the hug she gets even more. It’s her second real hug from Alessia in the span of a few weeks, following the one in Manchester on that dreaded evening. Exactly like last time, Leah doesn’t want it to end.)
Alessia doesn’t really want to talk about final she’s lost the day before, other than a “We were better in the first half and I missed like three big chances, I think that’s all there is to say about that.” She adds something about the standings and the table of the league that they’re also not leading anymore since Chelsea overtook them mid-week.
After breakfast, Alessia more or less pushes Leah down on her couch and gets up herself to get rid of their trash and get them some more tea. Leah protests a little at first, feeling like she should be more accommodating to her guest.
It feels very different than it does with her Arsenal teammates. They’re over all the time and know their way around, she just lets them do anything and everything. With Alessia it’s different, Leah hears her opening and closing cupboards in search for something, she then shouts to ask where Leah stores her tea.
Additionally, Leah has this feeling of wanting to impress Alessia, which she certainly can’t do if she’s just sitting on her couch and having the other woman wait on her.
But apparently, Alessia doesn’t mind one bit. “Don’t be ridiculous, Leah! You’re injured, I’m not, there’s not much of a question who gets us some more tea.” She sits down on the couch again, facing Leah. “I wanted to ask you anyway if there’s anything you need, that I should fetch you from the store or that you need to be done in the house before I leave.”
“You’re leaving already?” Leah’s head shoots up from where she looked at Alessia’s hand that she had rested on Leah’s forearm.
“No! No, not unless you want me to? I meant more in general.” Alessia is quick to make herself clear.
“I actually wanted to talk to you about something, if that’s alright?” Alessia looks hesitant now and Leah urges her to continue.
“I probably shouldn’t even talk about it, because it’s about a month out before we’ll announce it.”
Leah tries to read Alessia’s face but she’s not looking at her but rather outside the window.
“If you’re going to get into trouble, maybe tell me in a month?” Leah attempts to lighten the mood in a joking tone. She has a guess where this is going but doesn’t want to know if Alessia isn’t supposed to tell anyone.
Alessia just shakes her head, new determination on her face. “I’m not renewing my contract with United, I’m leaving Manchester this summer.” She visibly relaxes after she gets that sentence out.
Even though Leah is incredibly happy and relieved that Alessia is leaving the club that hasn’t been treating her right and doesn’t appreciate what a player they have in her, she doesn’t want to show too much happiness. “Are you good with that decision?” She asks instead. United is the club she grew up supporting after all and she knows it’s kind of a touchy subject.
They hadn’t talked about Alessia’s situation with United a lot in the last few weeks. As much as Leah wanted to ask, she knew that it’s a topic that Alessia had to bring up herself since she knows there are - or rather were - ongoing talks. But in the Winter, they had more than one long talk about the prospect of possibly leaving and what that would mean to Alessia on a personal level.
Finally, Alessia looks at her and smiles slightly. “Yeah, I’ve made my peace with it I think. You know I haven’t been happy with the front office in a while and working with Marc is just becoming increasingly difficult. I just can’t see myself there any longer.”
Leah can’t help but nod along, sharing the sentiment about Alessia’s current coach especially. She always had a distaste for managers who just shout at their players without getting their point across.
“And how they treated my contract negotiations is a joke actually.” Alessia shakes her head and laughs.
“Do you know, where you’re going?” Leah almost doesn’t want to ask. She so desperately wants a certain answer but is afraid that Alessia will tell her that she’s going to Spain or France.
Alessia nods and starts to openly grin, Leah thinks that her whole face lights up all of a sudden.
“No.” She let out in disbelief.
Alessia grins even wider and happily rocks in her spot next to her. Leah turns her torso to fully face her and grabs her arm. “No.” She repeats.
“Yes! North London forever and all that!” Alessia hums under her breath.
Leah can’t believe it. (She actually can but she didn’t dare to dream about the possibility of Alessia joining her own childhood club, living in London, being nearby.)
“Brilliant!” Is all Leah gets out, she is over the moon actually, but Alessia doesn’t need to know that.
V
As much as it still hurts, Leah couldn’t imagine to not go to Australia to support the team - her team. She doesn’t make it to the other side of the world until the quarter-final, other commitments holding her back.
In the first game she attends, she watches Alessia fighting for the ball until Hemp scores to make it even in the first half, and then scoring the game winning goal herself in the second half. The semi-final goes much the same considering Alessia’s impact on the game: assisting one and then scoring the final goal in the dying minutes of the match.
She is proud of the whole team of course, but by now she can acknowledge that she does feel a little bit of extra pride for Alessia’s games and achievements in the knock-out stages. She can see the joy and pride on Alessia’s face when she goes to celebrate with the team and it makes her heart beat harder than it already is from all the excitement.
The final, of course, doesn’t go in their favor. Leah has to admit that Spain is the better team that evening. She doesn’t necessarily understand Sarina’s decisions but she also won’t question them. But she knows Alessia well enough by now to be certain that Alessia will beat herself up over this game and her role in it.
Leah joins the team after the game in the locker room. Shortly she was second guessing if they wanted her there but then someone from the staff had come and asked her to follow them so she didn’t really have much of a choice.
Understandably, the mood is very subdued. She joins Keira who sits in her cubby and also waves Georgia over to her other side. She quietly talks to her two best friends, an arm around each of them. She tells them how proud she is of them, how proud they can be of themselves, and how proud everyone at home is. She knows, she’s probably not really getting through to them right now but all she can do is try.
On the other side of the room, she can see Alessia. She looks to be one of the people crying the hardest, Mary and Ella are by her side, trying and somewhat failing to console her. Leah helplessly watches as she finally just gets up and leaves for the showers.
The image of Alessia crying still in mind, she texts her later when she is back in her hotel room, getting ready for bed. She’s staying in the same hotel as the team is, just on a different floor, and would definitely go over to the other woman’s room if she asked her to. But Alessia doesn’t text her back.
She then asks Ella if she is with Alessia and how she is. She definitely couldn’t got to sleep without at least a small update on Alessia’s state of mind. When Ella tells her that she is in her own room but that Alessia definitely is still awake, Leah doesn’t think twice before she slips on her slides and a hoodie and makes her way to Alessia’s room.
Since she isn’t sure if she can trust Ella’s judgement, she still knocks only lightly when she gets there, Alessia could already be asleep after all. She hears some shuffling inside but Alessia doesn’t open the door. Not wanting to bother her too much if she really doesn’t want to see her, she lightly knocks again and calls “Lessi? It’s me, Leah. I wanted to check on you but I can go away if you want me to.”
After a few seconds, she hears more shuffling, and then the door opens. A very disheveled looking Alessia stands in the doorway, eyes red, face wet, and a crumpled tissue in her hand.
(She still looks as beautiful as ever to Leah but she chastises herself in her head for even letting her thoughts go there, now is clearly not the time.)
“I’m not the best company right now.” She snuffles but turns around and leaves the door open, signaling for Leah to step inside. Alessia falls face first onto her bed, probably going right back to how she laid there before Leah came over.
“That’s okay, you don’t need to be.” Leah carefully sits down next to Alessia on the bed and leans against the headrest. She softly starts to stroke her back.
“What do you need right now? Do you want to talk, or should I talk? I could also leave, if you rather want to be alone.” She talks very softly, trying to give Alessia options instead of just assuming what she needs. She always liked it when her mother did it for her at the beginning of her injury. She just hopes that it doesn’t overwhelm Alessia.
“No, stay-“ After a beat, she adds “Just keep doing what you’re doing right now.”
And so, Leah sits with Alessia in silence and strokes her back. Alessia is obviously still crying but her body starts to shake less. After a few minutes, she starts to talk about her frustrations with the game and with her substitution. How she feels like she could and should have done more. Leah doesn’t try to intervene, she just lets Alessia get it all out, she clearly needs that.
After she stops talking, Alessia turns around and burries herself in Leah’s lap.
Leah freezes for a second, she’s not used to so much physical contact with Alessia. At first she’s not sure what she is supposed to do now but then Alessia clearly notices that she’s stopped stroking her back and complains about it.
She smiles to herself and carefully lifts Alessia up who looks at her confused. But she seems to understand Leah’s intention when she sees her scooting downwards. Now, Leah is laying on her back. She lifts her arm and motions for Alessia to cuddle into her.
When Alessia is cuddled into her side, Leah takes a deep breath and puts her arm around her. She lets herself enjoy the new found closeness, even though the circumstances clearly aren’t the best.
“Can you just show me the pictures you took on your trip now?” Alessia interrupts her thoughts.
And that is something Leah gladly and easily does. She fishes her phone out of the pockets of her shorts and starts with her first day in the country, just ten days ago. While she talks, she can see that Alessia’s tears slowly but surely slow down until she eventually stops crying. She intently listens to Leah’s thoughts and stories, even cracking a smile here and there.
Eventually, Alessia falls asleep.
Leah lets herself enjoy the feeling of cuddling with Alessia for a moment but then she feels a little weird about it with Alessia being asleep. She also actually should go back to her room since it’s very late - or rather very early - and she has to go to the airport in just a couple of hours. She curses herself for getting such an early flight, booking it basically last minute probably didn’t help.
Not wanting to wake up Alessia, she slowly and very carefully slides out from under her, just to have her phone fall on the ground with a rather loud thud. She turns around quickly, worriedly looking at Alessia who miraculously stays asleep, the exhaustion of the day finally overcoming her completely.
Before she leaves Alessia’s room, she takes the other woman’s phone and unlocks it with her thumb to set an alarm for the next morning. She also folds the few clothing items laying around, wanting to give Alessia as much time to sleep as she can. Saving her from having to pack her bag in a hurry in the morning seems like a logical thing for her to do. Finally, she leaves a light kiss on Alessia’s forehead, before she leaves her alone.
(A couple of hours later on the plane, she obviously overthinks her actions. She starts to worry if she overstepped majorly and invaded Alessia’s privacy. Not only with the forehead kiss but especially by handling her luggage. After thinking about it for way longer than she would ever admit, she comes to the conclusion that folding a few shirts and shorts can’t be that bad, they’ve known each other for years now and are quite close friends after all.)
When she touches down in Dubai for her layover and unlocks her phone, she finds one message from Alessia amongst lots of other notifications.
Alessia: ❤️
+ I
The overall mood in the team is frustration when they get back from Sweden. Some of them are able to channel that frustration into determination rather quickly and use it to their advantage. Leah watches her teammates during practice and some of them truly seem to be on a mission.
Alessia is one of them.
It had taken her a little longer to get over the frustration because, again, she put a lot of responsibility for the loss against Paris FC on herself. Much like she did just a few weeks before in Australia.
When Leah thinks about it and really puts the dates in relation to each other she realizes how insane their schedule is yet again. All players who made it far into the world cup were always going to have a very short break before pre-season started for them. But with Arsenal having to go through the Champions League qualifications, the break for the Swedes, Lotte, and Alessia is even shorter. And while the break is short for Lotte and Lina already, it must feel even shorter for Alessia, Stina, or Amanda who played so many minutes during the world cup. It’s madness really, that they still continue with these packed schedules, injuries are just waiting to happen in Leah’s opinion.
They immediately jump back into their pre-season training when they get back to London. After all, they don’t have all that much time together with the whole squad before a lot of the players go on international break yet again to start with the newly formed Nations League. Of course, Leah isn’t with the team in training yet, she is not set to start running on grass again until later in the month, but she watches them from the sidelines as much as her own training-schedule allows her to.
Leah watches Alessia especially careful each day, the season hasn’t even started and yet she often looks more exhausted than the others when they all come back into the locker-room. She is sure that Alessia is pushing herself too hard, trying to impress a new coach and team, trying to find her place in said new team, and generally trying to prepare for a whole season packed with games.
It can’t be good for her but then again, who is she to judge? Alessia knows her body best and probably (hopefully) knows when to stop pushing. But Leah can’t deny that she’s almost excited when she hears that Alessia requested a few days off of international duty. Apparently, she is not going to camp for the first few days of their September camp, missing the first game as well.
Alessia tells her in the locker-room about her conversation with Sarina and how supportive and understanding she had been. Leah, knowing their coach, is not surprised at all but Alessia apparently is. It had been a hard decision for her which she hadn’t run by Leah who could’ve saved her some time and told her that Sarina would be understanding and that it wouldn’t jeopardize her spot on the team.
Before Leah can stop herself, she finds herself asking “So, are you going home today to see your family on these newly found days off? Or would you maybe come over for dinner?”
When she looks up at Alessia, she finds the younger woman beaming at her “I’d say, maybe you come over for dinner to mine? So we’d have something decent to eat, seeing that I can actually cook.”
Leah slaps her shoulder lightly but accepts nonetheless.
She follows Alessia’s car to her house, not having been there yet in the few weeks that Alessia has actually lived there. She realizes it’s fairly close to her own house which is definitely a plus.
“I haven’t gotten all my furniture yet, sorry!” Alessia tells her when they walk up to the door. “Some stuff is still being delivered, those long deliveries have been a nightmare, especially coordinating them with our practices and then also the international breaks.”
“You know, I’m not going to camp, I could come over here and accept a furniture delivery if that would help.” Leah shrugs and smiles when Alessia smiles and thanks her for the offer.
They end up in the mostly furnished kitchen, it’s just missing some decorations, Alessia tells Leah.
She gets tasked with cutting some vegetables while Alessia does the actual cooking, which is definitely the smart choice for the both of them.
While cooking they start to chat mostly about football, Leah also enquiring about Alessia settling into the club and the team. She knows they are a very welcoming team but all of them together can also be overwhelming at times. So, she wants to hear from Alessia directly if she feels comfortable or if anything is bugging her.
When she’s done with her chopping job she just watches Alessia while she works and talks at the same time. She is sitting on Alessia’s kitchen island, across from where the stove is, so they can look at each other while talking and still doing their respective jobs. Alessia hasn’t noticed yet that Leah is finished with her task and hasn’t gotten a new one, too engrossed in telling a story about going for morning coffee with Lotte and reviving a tradition they had back in college.
Leah can’t help but feel transported to a few months ago when they would something very similar but via FaceTime. Back when she couldn’t do anything with her knee and would always just end up watching Alessia cook while they talked about their days. While she does like going out, getting dressed up, and all that, she loves the simplicity and domesticity of sitting together, cooking, and just talking about their days. The comfort she feels around Alessia hits her like a train and she feels warmth speeding through her.
She’a sure that she’s bright red by now, radiating the warmth from inside to outside.
“Leah! Hello, Leah?”
She snaps out of it, when she hears Alessia calling her name. Sheepishly looking up, she is faced with a very amused looking Alessia.
“Sorry, Less. I was just thinking that this is like it was when we facetimed, you’re cooking, I’m watching you, and we’re just chatting about our days.”
“Do you want me to set up my phone then so it feels more authentic?” Alessia jokes.
“I like it better this way.” Leah declares softly and smiles as Alessia ducks her head and hums. Maybe she also blushes a little, or maybe Leah is just imagining that.
She gets up from her seat and takes the vegetables around the island to Alessia. She could’ve just pushed them across the island and in Alessia’s reach but that wouldn’t have given her an excuse to get closer to the other woman.
“Can I?” She asks for permission to put the veggies in the pan. After Alessia nods, she steps closer to her than necessary, until their arms touch, and tips the bowl in her hand. When she sets the bowl down, she only steps back slightly, opting to stay in Alessia’s personal space to look over her shoulder into the pan. Now situated halfway behind Alessia, she can see goose bumps breaking out on the younger woman’s neck. Leah takes that as a good sign and puts her hand on the small of Alessia’s back, her thumb drawing slow circles.
She is not entirely caging Alessia in, between her and the counter, Alessia could just take a side-step if she wanted to. But it doesn’t seem like Alessia wants that at all. Instead, she turns her head until she can look at Leah. When they lock eyes, Leah can see just how blown Alessia’s pupils are. She is sure they match her own.
Leah decides right then and there, that she wants to kiss Alessia.
Of course, she doesn’t want to read the situation wrong or overwhelm her, so she tries to catch her eyes again. Instead, she catches Alessia looking at her lips, her own now slightly parted. Then their eyes finally lock and Leah cocks her head questioningly. Alessia nods ever so softly. She really wants to kiss Alessia.
So she does. She closes the small gap still between them and presses her lips lightly to Alessia’s, still giving her the option to back out. Instead, Alessia fully turns around. One hand finds the back of Leah’s neck, the other rests on her cheek, as she pulls Leah into her and deepens the kiss.