Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Gavin never wanted a caregiver of any sort, the most self sufficient he’d ever felt was when he was regressing. The lack of worries over work, not having to share a space… He happily, and easily, took care of himself. He found it to be his main coping strategy once he learned everything that could be learned about it, influence from an old therapist sealed the deal. One coping mechanism he found that worked consistently. 

As common as ‘tantrums’ were with him, they successfully got out all the negatives and left him feeling better. Crying, kicking, shouting.. It worked and it didn’t hurt the ones he was close to, or used to be close to. He had his moments still, of course. But his coworkers didn’t get the brute of it. The less disciplinary files he had the better. It all worked in his favor.

Over the years, he had started a blog on a site he had already regularly used. Something centered around his regression specifically. Not knowing anyone who coped in the same way, he was determined to find others and settle into a nice community. It took more time than he’d like to admit to block as many NSFW tags and accounts as he could, and blocking more as they popped up. He was cautious. More times than not, he’d scroll his phone on the age regression tags while he was regressing. Just to get that feeling of togetherness in the times he was completely alone, which was a lot of the time. He knew he shouldn’t, really, because of his fragile state of mind and the possibility of coming across triggering content. But aside from shows, toys, and a few games, he didn’t have much.

He was fine being alone, though, even if it picked at him sometimes. That bit of loneliness could sting like a motherfucker on hard nights. Nights were he would debate between a pacifier, a calm show, and smoking some weed for a break from the weight he carried on his shoulders. Sometimes he’d do all three to alleviate the stress for even a few minutes. The weed helped loosen him up most times, but if he had more than his usual, he’d get paranoid. Checking windows, seeing things from the corner of his eyes. Usually he would catch on before it got bad, other times he would sit in an anxious haze, then go get his pacifier and lay in a lit room with his stuffed animal that he had deemed his protector. A teddy with a gold crown, a shield and a sword. Something an old friend got him from build-a-bear. Someone he had trusted deeply, then broke that trust. Even still, he loved that plush. 

The blog helped that sort of loneliness. With the asks he received, the replies and other interactions let him breathe in a sense of belonging that he thought he had lost many years ago. He grew close with a few of the people on there, the ones he interacted with most. They had a small group of mutuals. As he had learned more, he was very happily accepted into being a little sort of sibling group with them. It was as close as he’d gotten to a family again in a long while. And as he grew a bit more popular, he got comfortable messaging with people he didn’t quite know. But he never messaged or posted while regressed, a rule that was mostly to protect himself.

Those sessions of interacting with followers became more often the more relaxed he got on the site. He, of course, refused to show his face or name whatsoever. He posted under the name ‘little-forest-cub’, with nothing to allude to his job, name or location. But it was inspired by one of his favorite nicknames when small. He’s just a little bear, a small cub. Sometimes people questioned if he was a pet regressor as well with all the bear themed things, and would usually respond with a simple ‘i don’t know’ when he knew he probably did . 

Never once did he tell anyone about any of this at work, the only person that hardly knew barely showed up anymore, even with the addition of the plastic prick- Connor, though he had noticed the difference he had made. It was important that they didn’t know. He was always thankful that the account was under a different email than the ones he would use for work or casual, normal day-to-day things. He had done everything in his power to keep everything separate. 

Never once did he mention it or bring it up at work, nor did he check his account there either.

But one morning, an day he had off work more specifically, he checked his inbox to find a follow notification that made his stomach drop. A new message alongside that. 

The face of his new-ish partner at work. An even worse version of Connor that really got him stirring. He almost made it impossible for him to keep working on his problems of anger issues and still feeling that ‘anti-android’ sentiments. Gavin still swore up and down that the detective models were going to take his job. Out-preform him and render him useless. And as much as RK800 told him, and the other coworkers that the RK900 came to work there already deviant, Gavin still didn’t want to believe that they had feelings and felt them on the same, if not higher, levels. It took a lot of time to get him to warm up to him, but at the very least, he called the android his name and the proper chosen pronouns. 

The newer model was donned himself ‘Nines’, which Gavin had called stupid in a childish fit of annoyance. In no world was it necessary for him to hate the android as much as he did. That hatred faded ever so slightly over time as they were forced to work together. He argued every step of the way, until it hit about the third week. He had gotten injured and the RK900 helped him all the way to safety and waited with him for an ambulance. In that time, he realized that maybe Nines didn’t want to replace him. Because in his mind, he would have let him bleed out if he wanted him gone. But he didn’t do that. Then he realized that he must be doing a little better with his therapies if he isn’t jumping to the worst conclusion ever. 

Nines didn’t seem as bad from that point, he even let the android fight back with him instead of storming out whenever something went wrong or he got pissed off. Sure, the comments could be horrible, but he would feel himself smirk a little when he got a response. A reaction of any kind rather than some dull, stupid look like he usually did after he got pissed. The android stopped feeling like such a threat, with lingering suspicion still, but the subtle shift in Nines’ steel gray eyes to something that felt more human let him put his guard down just a little.

But the follower notice and the message brought a sick feeling back to his mouth. The trust gained immediately felt like it went down the drain. That stupid robot face felt like it was mocking him as he stared at it. How did he find it? Of course the fucking android would, right? The bastard saw everything, he could even see his heart rate, caffeine consumption levels, or stress levels, just by looking at him. Oh how Gavin hated it. 

Of course this is how his off day goes. The one day this week that he was even able to take off, Fowler constantly bitched about how he was on the clock overtime and the higher ups didn’t want to pay him for that, but wouldn’t give him a solid day off. And now he needed to go in to find Nines and throttle him- 

No. He’s supposed to be working on that. He’s supposed to be trying to be civil. It was only just getting better and the android just had to go and fuck it up. If he had just kept to himself.

Gavin’s teeth clenched harder and harder as he hesitated to open the message, until a sharp pain shocked him into releasing that tension. That plastic prick. He wanted to get rid of the evidence, maybe just delete the whole account. If Nines had no proof, he could deny it, right? Wrong. He hated that stupid detective programming in Nines’ hardware, he could tell if Gavin was lying. 

He forced his hand to the screen, pressing the notification and daring to skim the message. Not a word got rid of the sick taste in his mouth. It felt uniquely Nines, dull, characterless, and straight to the damn point.

It read:

“Good morning, I came across your account and I wanted to talk to you about this today. Can we meet at the station at 3pm today?”

Clearly not a care in the damn world from the android, and not a doubt it was Gavin either. As a detective, he should have known that he should have made the account as untraceable as possible, but he didn’t. Something he was deeply regretting now. Bile rose in his throat as he began to think. His one safe space could be so easily ripped away from him. And it was being taken, pried from his hands.

He desperately wanted to just ignore the message, let it rot in his inbox and try to forget. It wasn’t a feasible choice when Nines would undoubtedly stare him down every day until they spoke. So, on his day off, he pulled himself out of bed and went for a cold shower first thing. He waited to reply, just to be the most inconvenient as he possibly could be. 

And when he did reply, he simply sent a thumbs up emoji and blocked the account Nines had used. For now, he couldn’t let the android stay on his page where he wasn’t welcomed. 

Minutes were spent pacing. The last time anyone knew, they abused Gavin’s blind trust. They made his regression impure for months at a time before he seeked help from his therapist, then his community. He couldn’t help but wonder how much Nines had known, how much he had seen. It only made sense he would have looked as far back as he could, he was programmed to learn. That didn’t just disappear when he deviated. 

His comfort jacket was left at home without a second thought, all of his comforting things were left behind. He couldn’t bring it along. He especially couldn’t bring his bag, more of a satchel kind of thing. It held everything he could possibly need. It had what he called his ‘panic paci’, a small sensory square what made crinkle sounds and was nice to touch, a small pack of tissues, and a thin, childish water bottle. A bag with things he kept for ‘just in case’ scenarios. But he had to risk not bringing it to be at least able to get Nines off his back.

He could almost hear the android’s reasons for concern now as he walked out of his apartment. It all made his stomach twist in knots with all the possibilities. Maybe he didn’t look it, but he felt pale. Clammy hands, racing heart, cold sweat, skin cold to the touch. It was almost nauseating how this got under his skin. His stupid coworker with his ridiculously smart fake brain he could so easily blow out. There would be no replacement with Cyblerlife mostly down and not making new androids. And as much as he hated his blue guts, he shook off those thoughts. If he even tried to speak like that with his therapist, they would ask things that always felt dumb to Gavin, ‘think about where he’s coming from’ or ‘listen before you decide how you feel’. Oh how it pissed him off even more, but.. His progress. He found it mattering more in his decision making because his therapist made gave him a reward system. Something a parent or a teacher would give a troublesome child. It bothered him just as it much as it helped, really.

The drive up to the station wasn’t much easier. The automatic taxi he took only forced him to think more about the android he had to talk to. Had to . It would risk his job if he didn’t. As he thought, he repeated that in his head. It would risk his job if he didn’t talk to Nines . That bastard would try to get him under investigation if he didn’t meet with him, Gavin was sure. He would try to replace him, just as he thought. 

He was hot headed as he pulled up, a strong dizziness to match. No food, no coffee, nothing to prepare himself even after being awake so long. His eye bags were heavy, eyes sore. The more he forced himself, the more strain he put on his brain. Of course a headache was brewing the moment he stepped inside and that cold office air was directly on his cold face. 

“Detective Reed.” The RK900 greeted him at their desks as if this was just another day, as if Gavin didn’t look like hell reincarnated. Steely cold eyes followed his every movement and no fear in them when Gavin dared to step up to him.

He wanted nothing more than to pull him into a nasty brawl, a bar fight times ten. 

“You fucking bastard.” Gavin decided to start with. He didn’t bother with greetings, nor did he especially care about if the android was being helpful. The words his therapist would say lingered, but he didn’t want to listen when the plastic prick was right in front of him. 

“Detective, be civil. We just need to talk.” Nines spoke, just as calm and calculated as always. Cold, too. 

“Don’t give me bullshit, you know what you’re doing.” He lowered his voice, hands going to shove the android back by his shoulders against the glass divider that separated the hall and the bullpen. Gavin held a permanent scowl on his face. 

The android hardly reacted while keeping a stare down at the detective. “Gavin, I’m not doing anything. I wanted to discuss your safety, and perhaps some of your history.” 

His safety? His history ? Oh hell no. 

“You’re gonna fucking replace me, that it? You want me to spill shit, try and get me feeling soft so you get get me out.” Gavin pressed Nines back, keeping him against the glass with pure anger in his eyes. How could he not be pissed? He snapped with easy conviction. 

“Detective, with your behavior, maybe you need it.” 

Oh he was going to get it. 

Right in the bullpen, Gavin pressed his forearm against the android’s throat and pinned him back against that glass divider. It would be easy for Nines to overpower him. This was a power trip, in a way. A reaction to a trigger. Even though he could fight back this time, he let Gavin have his time.

“I don’t need shit. I have what I need, and you fucking invaded that space. Shut up !” Gavin growled at him, brows pulled into a scrunch that burned at the surrounding skin. 

He let Gavin have his outburst.

Profanities and threats were scowled at him until Gavin couldn’t hold him up there anymore. When he did let go, he pushed his head back against the glass too. Not enough to break anything, not even skin, but to get his point across.

He patiently waited. And waited.

When Gavin was out of breath and finally sitting, Nines looked down at him with some horrible mix of concern and annoyance.

“That’s enough of that tantrum, detective. ” He spoke, and that anger flared up again. Gavin’s fists bunched up in his lap. It was a play, he was sure. But then a hand was rested on his shoulder.

“I’m not reporting you, nor am I replacing you.” 

Gavin wanted to call bullshit. Why else would the android have even bothered to find his safe space, and intrude in it, then ask to talk at their workplace of all spaces? His mouth opened to speak.

“Ah.” Nines tsked. “I wanted to talk to you, both because I found the blog and I wanted to know if that was contributing to your new.. behavior.” 

Behavior?! 

This prick talking to him like he was a child was more enraging than anything else. His behavior… BS. He hadn’t changed outside of a bit of a lighter perspective.

“You don’t get to comment on anything, asshole. You’re the motherfucker getting in my shit then fucking me over.” Gavin sat up straighter into Nines’ space. He remained deflective, accusatory. He needed to. 

“Well, I’m commenting anyway. You’re more lax, you have gotten more sleep, you have consumed much less caffeine, you aren’t snapping as much. Your last unprovoked fight was weeks ago.” It felt like utter lies to hear. He didn’t change that much, did he? 

Tina had commented that she saw him actually smiling at something other than an animal video the week before. He had let Hank talk to him once too. He kept composed in one meeting with Fowler. And he hadn’t had to buy a new coffee grind that week either.

Was he that different?

“I don’t want your fake empathy your plastic brain thinks it has. Nothing is different.” Gavin deflected, again . He didn’t think anything was much different at all, or maybe he was just lying to get away. 

The android seemed truly a bit disheartened by that, a small pang of guilt went through Gavin’s system.

“Gavin.” Nines was much more firm. “I’m not the bad guy here. You’re stressing yourself out. Your heart rate is high and you’re tense. Stay here, I’m going to get you water.” 

And for some reason, Gavin stayed in his seat. Stirring in his anger, but it turning more to annoyance and exhaustion. 

Chapter Text

Frustration bit at the back of his mind as he sat way too still for his own liking. Why else would he stay than just the simple desire to keep his job? Nines could take his place in an instant, not only as a better detective, but maybe a better person, in some cases. One misstep and it could be over for him. Or maybe, just maybe… He wanted to show he could be good and cooperate.

Out of everyone, it had to be Nines that saw. He was still wracking his mind about it. Somehow, he would have preferred Connor to see, at least the man would be easy enough to silence. Nines, on the other hand, would not. The man could dish out the same venom Gavin could without so much as a blink. Sometimes Gavin could admire it, his control, but not when his life was practically in his hands.

He couldn’t look up at Nines when he came back with the water. In no way did he regret snapping at him so harshly, he kept reasoning with himself that Nines could have a change of heart at any time, that he was made to lie. Every thought just made him feel more tense with the android standing too damn close to him.

The water was sat next to Gavin, but he didn’t dare take it. 

“I’m not telling you shit.” Gavin hissed through his teeth, his eyes following the styrofoam cup. The shouting made his throat sore, and the drink more appealing… No, he couldn’t take it. That would mean accepting whatever Nines was doing, whatever he was planning. If he knew something about the RK900, it was that he usually had ulterior motives. At least in cases, he hadn’t ever entertained the possibility of learning anything about Nines outside of work. 

“And I don’t expect you to. Detective, you are highly capable. Do you expect that I don’t think that? For a human, you are one of the best. I want you to keep doing.. what you’re doing. It’s easier to deal with you when you sleep, and are taking care of yourself.” It sounded like bullshit to Gavin’s ears, something to taunt him into saying anything that would give Nines an advantage. He wasn’t a suspect, but it sure felt like a soft interrogation. Like he was a child. Every step he possibly could take with his online presence got him infantilized, now his coworker was doing the same. This was what he wanted to avoid in the first place.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Gavin’s eyes refused to meet the RK900’s. Cold blue, harsh like steel. The water grew ever so tempting the longer he sat with nothing to do. He began to pick at the steam of his shirt with his eyes down.

Nines made another attempt to talk, but was quickly shut down by Gavin standing up and glaring. What could the android possibly say that would get them on steady ground? This couldn’t be fixed, a breech of privacy.

“Don’t fucking follow me.” He muttered under his breath. No need to be loud when Nines would hear it anyways. The front exit wasn’t far, but the stairs to the roof were much more appealing. So much for cooperation. A quiet space he could take the time to breathe without someone following him.

That wouldn’t happen though, would it?

Gavin got a full ten minutes alone to let himself decompress before the door to the roof opened. A full ten minutes of debating if, when, Nines would try to replace him. He should try hearing him out, but that was already over the second Nines acted like everything was okay and treated him like a misbehaving child. Like that was all he was, like that was all his regression made him out to be. Detective Gavin Reed, nothing but a kid clinging to the last of his childhood. He kicked the ground from where he stood near a ledge, overlooking the streets around the precinct.

As much as he should have been pissed, Gavin merely felt defeated as footsteps approached him. He didn’t have to look to know it was the RK900, his foot pattern memorized in Gavin’s mind. He sighed, merely stealing a glance before shaking his head.

“You’re meant to follow orders.”

“Your orders don’t hold the same importance that your health does.” The android argued lightly. His steps stopped a few feet behind Gavin, lingering close. Without a doubt, scanning him as well.

“My health is only compromised because of you.” Venom dripped into Gavin’s tone, a low sigh escaping his lips. How could his single off day get worse than this? Having to put his full trust into an android was already something he didn’t like having to do. Deviant or not.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have intruded in such a way, but it was something I needed to know to better assist in the field.”

“You didn’t need to know anything.” Gavin scoffed. “Nothing will change in the field, nothing is fucking different, don’t you get that?” Silence. “‘course you don’t, you’re just a piece of plastic.” He lacked volume, but made up for it in exasperation.

“Detective.” The RK900 sounded.. soft. His LED spun a consistent yellow as he stepped up next to Gavin. Their shoulders nearly brushed together.

Gavin shuddered at the closeness, taking a step away. Too close, way, way too close for comfort. The android hardly radiated any heat. Even under the daylight sky, there should have been something. All the more reason to be uneasy around androids, a mockery of humanity. He had to think that or his soft fucking tone would eat at him. Oh how he would need to call his therapist after this, he could feel the weeks of work going down the drain.

There are several beats of silence, Reed hesitates on stepping away before the RK900 talks.

“I'm glad you’re healing, detective… But the comment was about your marijuana usage for the most part. In emergency situations, I would need to know.”

The shocked snort that came from Gavin didn’t go unrecognized. Nines’ LED spun blue again when he made the sound—like he was trying for a laugh. It sounded stupid to Gavin’s ears. Of course he overthought it. His brain was already on hyper-drive and he didn’t think to listen.

"You’re a fucking prick.” Gavin muttered under his breath, though the corners of his eyes crinkled.

“So you’ve said.” Nines acknowledges with a nod. He turned to face Gavin—his eyes carefully trailed the detective’s body. His posture, his breathing, his tenseness. That time, he didn’t need a scan to check. The vulnerability was on display after his small chuckle.

The following silence wasn’t so painful, rather full of questions instead. Hypothetical what-ifs, and anxiety thrumming through Gavin’s body the longer the two stood. Never did anything accusatory come out of Nines’ mouth, no mean expression on his face. Gavin slipped his hands into his pockets, glancing repeatedly between the street below and the android next him.

“You can talk, detective.” A breath fell from Gavin’s lips that he didn’t realize he was holding.

“I know that.” Gavin shot back as soon as he sucked in another breath, mumbling something that sounded vaguely like an apology after. He tilted his head down, thinking. Nines hadn’t accused him of anything, and he already attacked him once… Just talk, that’s what he needed to do. But it sounded to difficult when he didn’t see eye to eye with the android, simply because he was an android, not that they were entirely different.

“I know it’s a sensitive subject, but I can assure you I won’t tell anyone. This is between us.” It should have assured him, but it simply made him more tense.

“This?” Gavin questioned, eyebrows raised. This as if it was wrong, as if it was dirty. He looked up to Nines, cool blue eyes meeting grey ones.

“You’re uncomfortable talking about it.” Oh.

“It’s not dirty, i-it- it’s not weird.” Gavin pulled his hands out of his pockets, gesturing nonsense. Defensive. He glared in the android’s direction. Was it weird? It wasn’t wrong, he talked to professionals about it! So, why did he feel so desperate to defend it in front of Nines? It was his way of coping, other’s thoughts shouldn’t matter, yet Nines’ thoughts were what he was most concerned about?

“Correct. I have tons of sources that agree, do you forget that, Detective? That I have access to such resources so fast?” He couldn’t tell if that was mocking or not. The android was serious, but his features were soft. Gavin would tease him for that if this was a different situation.

“How could I forget?” Reed rolled his eyes, his gaze fixing back on the street below.

“It’s okay, Detective.” Nines spoke after a brief silence. “I won’t speak about it as long as you don’t want me to… But I do have questions.” Of course. When didn’t he have questions?

Gavin scanned his surroundings quickly. Not for an escape, but a place to sit. If Nines knew, he may as well know more. It was only a matter of time before he researched it himself anyways. Whether it be by scrolling his blog, or scanning every trace of the internet. At least it was him answering and not some random person online.

“Shoot, then.” He nodded, taking a seat on the ledge, his legs hanging off the edge. Gavin rested his hands at his sides, steady against the concrete ledge. Constantly reminding himself he could cooperate, Nines wasn’t threatening him. The android gathered information, that’s what he was made for. A piece of weaponry that could have ended him if he desired. It wasn’t an interrogation, he’d stay and answer. As long as he could stand to, at least.

“Are you safe? When you…?” Nines’ voice rung with a genuine concern Gavin struggled to place. Real concern over his safety. Reed didn’t know whether to be confused, or grateful that he seemed to care.

“As safe as I can be, tincan.” Gavin’s fingers tapped against the cool concrete.

“Does that mean you’re not safe, or that you don’t want to go into detail?” Nines asked, cold blue eyes staring at the back of Gavin’s head.

Without answering, Gavin sighed and pat the ledge next to him, offering a seat to Nines. Wind ruffled through the trees that surrounded the building, rushing a chill through Gavin. He really wished he had brought his jacket now. Not to mention his other comfort items, he could use a tangle stim toy right about now.

“I’ll take it as you don’t want to detail anything, then.” The android muttered as he slipped next to Gavin on the ledge. Yeah, he didn’t want to go into detail. Not when he wasn’t sure he could be safe anywhere now Nines knew.

“Keep asking questions, I’ll answer.” He pursed his lips. How many questions could he possibly have while also having complete access to almost any information he wanted?

Oh how Gavin underestimated him.

Nines asked everything from why he made the blog, to why he regressed. It was like the man- android had a list of questions. More likely than not these days anyway. Half the time, Gavin wasn’t sure how to answer. Especially the questions where Nines brought up things he had previously talked about online. His past, his exes, his family… It was still a fresh wound.

Take deep breaths. Listen and hear him out, understand where he’s coming from. Don’t react without all the information. Detective work didn’t make his personal problems easier, not when he was being asked so delicately. Like he was fragile, but not handled with kid gloves. Like Nines was actually curious about him. Not Detective Reed. Himself.

The conversation smoothed into quiet chatter. Both of them occasionally being assholes to each other, that’s just how they worked. But Gavin began to easily steer the conversation away from himself the longer they sat on the ledge.

He learned that Nines liked collecting things. Delicate shells, art, and—what made Gavin chuckle most—action figures. An android interested in something like that wasn’t what he expected. Toys, for a person modeled like an adult. Toys, like Gavin enjoyed too.

Shamelessly, Gavin briefly began to ramble on about what he got as a kid. Voltron figures, Transformers, Hot Wheels. He even pulled out his phone to share a photo of the sets of toys he had as a kid, a few he still had in his collection, all of them worn and clearly cherished. Paint chipped then repainted with a color slightly different than the original. Well-loved toys.

Reed had never seen Nines’ eyes so warm with wonder. A small smile on his face as he watched Nines use his phone to zoom in to look at every detail. Maybe cooperating from time to time, and taking the time to listen could benefit him. This was a better look at Nines than he had ever seen before. Cold and analytical replaced with curiosity and warmth.

Listen before he judged. Hear him out. Pay attention. Cooperate.

His throat still ached from the shouting, but water was the last thing on his mind. Regret was in a close second at the front of his mind.

He shouted at Nines in an effort to keep his secret safe, as if it was wrong and dirty. Nines was patient with him, even though he taunted him with the tantrum comment. He tried to hurt him. Androids didn’t bruise, but he was sure Nines would have if he could. If he had just listened, this wouldn’t be on his mind. Hell, if he had stayed home and ignored it, he could have pretended everything was okay when he showed up to work the next day.

Gavin quietly took the phone back when Nines finished, he set it face down on the concrete. Nines’ eyes traced his face, he could feel the gaze. Not burning him like it had before.

I’m sorry.

He didn’t dare speak the words.