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“You owe me pancakes.”
Of all the things that Tamara could have said to him in the early morning dim, that was not what Tim was expecting, not that he was expecting much at all. The apartment was quiet, just the two of them getting ready for their respective days. It wasn’t often just them in the mornings. When it happened, it tended to be more like existing around each other, falling into a routine. If Tamara was feeling particularly awake there might even be some banter.
On those mornings he’d hand her a coffee mug; she’d grab milk out of the fridge and hand it to him to use first if he was having cereal. He was relieved that his presence in the apartment didn’t throw her off anymore. Lucy had told him, broadly, about Tamara’s worries about being out of place with them. Tamara was Lucy’s family, he knew that, and he respected it. And the apartment was Tamara’s home, he was the guest although he could acknowledge that line had been blurred early on. He had grown fond of Lucy’s puppy over the past two years, and he knew she had wormed her way into his heart little by little, much like Lucy had.
But that still didn’t prepare him for unexpected statements about breakfast in the dark of the kitchen in the early morning hours.
“Haven’t actually had any of this coffee yet, why do I owe you pancakes?”
“You were supposed to make me three.”
He turned to look at her fully, hoping that would make him less confused because as things stood, he was grasping at mental straws.
“How does the amount explain the why?”
She wasn’t looking at him, just deliberately filling her own travel mug with coffee and reaching for the pop tarts he knew she favored and made sure he bought whenever he picked up groceries for the apartment. Tim really couldn’t remember. He’d had about four hours of sleep - Metro hours were brutal - and he really hadn’t had any of the coffee currently in the silver tumbler he and Lucy stole back and forth, and Tamara just wasn’t giving him enough context clues. He hadn’t made pancakes in weeks.
Oh.
Oh.
“Shit. You’re right, I was – I didn’t?”
“You got distracted with Isabel.”
He remembered that Tamara had also been nowhere in sight. He had been too distracted for it to occur to him then that she was absent, busy balancing the conversation with Isabel and doing his best to put Lucy at ease. He knew in retrospect that taking the quick, just meet me at Lucy’s answer so that he didn’t have to cut short his time with her to meet Isabel had been a mistake. He should have just told Isabel to meet them at the station. He apologized to Lucy for getting that wrong, but it looked like he was in the doghouse with Tamara.
He looked at her more closely now, trying to read her face. Tamara usually joked with him, was sarcastic by her very nature. She used biting honesty to deflect emotions. He could relate. But she had brought up the pancakes in her regular tone of voice while it was just them. No snide commentary, no raised eyebrows. No playing to an audience even if it was only Lucy. Just a teenager very quietly stating that a debt was owed, with the implication that she wasn’t letting it go.
“I’m sorry. I screwed that morning up pretty good, didn't I?”
“Yep.”
She was giving him no quarter. He was oddly proud.
“Hey – I wanted to make them for you. I was excited to. But… I screwed up.” He knew he was repeating himself, but it had been twenty years since Genny was that age and he was wrangling teenage girl emotions regularly. But he did remember it was always best to stick with the truth and not editorialize. “Missing teenager accidentally trumped teenager right in front of me.”
“You mean ex-wife trumped new girlfriend’s roommate.”
He heard the hard edge appear in her voice – she hadn’t let her anger color her tone until just then. She had sounded disappointed, resigned even, but not angry.
“That’s not it. I-”
“Sure looked like it.”
She really wasn’t budging. But this time he heard the sadness interlaced with anger and resignation. She was hurt and he could see she was trying to wrangle with it.
“Hey, look at me for a minute?”
You didn’t have to be as good at reading people’s body language as he was to know that Tamara was actively debating not acquiescing to his request. He was relieved when she looked at him, even if her body stayed firmly positioned towards the counter.
“Tamara, that wasn’t it. Cop brain took over and without you in front of me to remind the rest of my brain that I had been in the middle of making you breakfast I just didn’t backtrack. Isabel doesn’t jump to the front of the line anymore, but a missing kid will.”
She nodded, turning back to finish grabbing her things. He waited her out. “You still owe me pancakes, though. Cop brain or not.”
“Of course.” He watched as she closed the clasp on her bag and headed for the door. “Have a good day, okay?”
For the first time all morning she shot him a real smile, “Are you turning into Lucy on me?” her final jab as she went out the door.
While it could be hit and miss to find Tim in his office Lucy usually found her way there at some point during their shifts. It helped them both to be able to touch base in person and not just on the radio. When she found him that afternoon, he was half hidden behind piles of paperwork as he diligently wrote reports on Metro’s latest rescue operation. She took just a moment to enjoy the view before announcing herself.
“Hey babe.”
She watched as the slow smile that was just for her spread across his face. She knew how busy he was, and how even a small interruption could delay him leaving that night, but it was worth it to see that smile, feel the connection.
“Hi.”
“Missed you this morning, and last night.”
“Yesterday took so long it turned into this morning, and then I had to be back. I let you sleep.”
“It’s strange going to sleep alone, curling into you during the night, and then waking up to an empty apartment. Guess another thing we’re going to have to get used to, right?”
A weird look crossed Tim’s face at that.
“Babe, it's okay, we’ll figure it out. That’s what we do.”
“Yeah. No. Of course, Lucy. That’s not it.” There was the smile again. “You waking up to an empty apartment reminded me that I wanted to talk to you about Tamara. We had a moment this morning.”
“What kind of moment?”
Lucy hoped it wasn’t more of Tamara feeling like she had to make plans to leave. It had broken Lucy’s heart to hear how Tamara had been so certain there wasn’t a place for her. It made sense of course, but it was the last thing Lucy wanted Tamara to feel.
“I think she’s mad at me about Isabel’s visit. Scratch that, I know she’s got some anger about that day but I’m having trouble gauging it.”
“Anger? Really? She was convinced Isabel had to be up to no good when she first came to the apartment, but she got over it, I thought.” Lucy was surprised. Tamara had spent that day digging up non-existent dirt on Isabel, convinced Isabel was up to something beyond the back-up she so obviously needed. But once they had the details of why Isabel was there, and Tamara knew Lucy was her back-up, Tamara calmed down.
“That part didn’t come up, but good to know.”
“What did come up then?”
Tim checked his watch; she could tell he was debating if he really had time to dig into whatever this is now.
“You can always tell me later. Do you think you’ll be done in time for dinner? I can cook at the house, spend some time cuddled with the best canine there is.”
“It might be a late dinner, but I would be very happy to come home to you and Kojo.”
“Deal.” Lucy kissed him and turned to go, needing to get back out on the road, but caught herself before she was completely out of Tim’s office. “She’s not talking about moving out again though, right?”
“No, she’s not. I promise”
Relieved, Lucy headed out shooting him her most adoring smile as she went through the door, knowing that they would deal with whatever it was together.
When Tim got home to Lucy and Kojo that night he was pleased he was only about 30 minutes behind schedule. He was looking forward to spending quality time just relaxing, he was running on fumes. He was pretty sure he heard Lucy in the kitchen and aimed his hello that way.
“Hey, I’m back. That smells amazing.”
The unique comfort of a person you love making you a meal was not lost on him in the moment. It had been a rare occurrence in his life before Lucy, and he suspected it was the same for Tamara. Which added another angle to his predicament. He had been so excited to cook for them he hadn’t stopped to think about what it meant that Tamara had accepted the offer and had felt comfortable asking for more. They’d had meals together many times but nothing he had made. Suddenly he was overcome with sadness at the missed opportunity to show Tamara how much he cared for her as he walked into his own kitchen.
“Thank you, Lucy, for making dinner.”
“Of course, I offered after all.”
“I know, but thank you, for caring, for putting in the effort. I know you’re tired too, you could have ordered in and that would have been enough but instead you cooked.”
Lucy stopped wiping down the counters and looked at Tim, reading him like an open book.
“I could have, and I know you would have appreciated dinner no matter how it arrived on your plate, but you know cooking is one of the things I do to relax after a shift. This have something to do with you and Tamara this morning?’
Lucy gave Tim a moment to collect himself, reaching for bowls to plate up their food.
“Tamara mentioned that I owed her pancakes, and the conversation turned to her saying something about not being as important as my ex-wife.”
“Oof. How’d you answer that?”
“I told her that Isabel doesn’t jump to the front of the line anymore, that’s your spot – the two of you. But that I had gotten distracted by a missing teenager.”
She stops at that, puts down the filled bowls at their spots at the table to fully turn to him before answering. “You were that specific? That she is that important to you, not just me?”
Lucy’s heart was so warm that he had said it to her, that he so easily asserted that she – and Tamara – were the most important people to him. But she knew the man in front of her almost as well as she knew herself and odds were, he hadn’t been explicit that it was Tamara’s spot too when talking to the teenager.
“Um, no. I don’t think so.”
“Yeah, you might want to sneak that in at some point. We know she isn’t going to assume her own position with you. She’ll need you to tell her directly.”
“Yeah, of course.”
“So, when are we getting pancakes, then? You do owe a debt.”
Tim rolled his eyes, sitting down to enjoy a highly prized dinner with Lucy, simply replying, “Soon.”
Tamara hadn’t realized, initially, that she had put emotional weight on Tim making her breakfast, a weight like the cliptalk recipes she made for Lucy. It mattered to Tamara to be able to reciprocate all the times Lucy fed her, all the wonderful food that she could always rely on being in the apartment. She had eaten quite a few meals with Tim at this point, and she knew he was responsible for making sure she was well stocked with snacks that Lucy wouldn’t buy.
But pancakes had been the first time he had offered to cook for her. And it was breakfast. Breakfast was a meal you ate with family. And somehow, without her even realizing when, Tim had become as much a part of her family as Lucy was. Not that she could tell you precisely when she had started to believe Lucy’s insistence that they were in fact family . And that she was safe, and that her home was with them . But she did. So, it mattered that she had wanted those pancakes. She had wanted Tim’s pancakes, and not just because she really liked pancakes. She had wanted to have that thing, that feeling she could not describe. Tim had looked so excited that she wanted them, like he was pleasantly surprised that she accepted. And Tamara really liked it when Tim’s happy smile included her. She loved to tease him, but she was also starting to cherish the soft Tim who was at home with them and loved nothing more than stretching out in front of the TV to share something he loved with them, whether it was old movies, or cooking shows, or sports. Lucy was right, he was a big softie. And Tamara had not had enough big softie men in her life, and she was grateful for this one.
She was incredibly grateful for this specific big softie. She was pretty sure she and Tim kept their walls up for similar reasons – it was all too easy to get hurt if you didn’t. He hadn’t wanted her to hurt Lucy when they first met. She trusted no one to do what they said. No wonder they started off on a rough footing.
But then he had just become this reliable constant in her life. With Lucy. There when she needed to get out of her cousin’s, there when Becca died, there when she got (and lost) her first car. Then he and Lucy had gotten together, and he was still there. Initially she had assumed his invitations to join them for movie nights and dinners were not real, that she needed to find the exit. But then Lucy and she had talked, and Tim just continued to be there, to be the steady presence she had come to expect him to be.
Which is why it stung to not have gotten her first Dadford pancakes. Not that she thought of him as a dad to her, but the portmanteau was right there for her default older brother type person. Not that he would ever hear her use the term. Officer Zaddy was still too funny.
Tim had plotted. He may not be a detective, but Metro sergeants were known for their ability to craft covert missions that dealt with high stress situations. He had ensured that he had all the supplies and that his presence in the apartment had gone unnoticed when he arrived late the night before. He knew Tamara’s schedule (but had confirmed with Lucy just to be sure she hadn’t picked up any babysitting jobs he didn’t know about) and decided when to strike. Operation Syrup was a go.
He had recreated the set-up from the previously failed pancake breakfast to the best of his memory. His pancake batter in the big Pyrex, Lucy's teal skillet on the stove, ready to go, strawberries and blueberries in bowls waiting to be needed, the good syrup in the glass jar set out by the plates on the bar side of the counter. He wasn’t sure exactly when Tamara would make her appearance, but she didn’t usually sleep in too terribly late, but as he made the pancakes, he just put them on a plate in the oven to stay warm and managed to not actively try to wave the smell of cooking pancakes towards her closed bedroom door. But, whenever she came out he was ready with three pancakes for both of them, and some more put aside for Lucy. Finally, just as he was starting to worry about her not appearing before he was completely done cooking, Tamara’s door creaked open and her still pajama-clad form stood in the doorway.
“Morning.”
“Are you making breakfast?”
“Yep, pancakes. You hungry?”
In what he thought was a trauma response he could recognize; Tamara took a step back before quickly changing her tactic and stepping towards the kitchen and away from the inherent safety of her room.
“Depends, are these the special Tim Bradford pancakes I was promised?”
“They are, as you pointed out a debt was owed, and I make good on my debts. Grab a seat. I have three ready to go for you.”
That got a small smile out of her. “Is Lucy not home?”
“She is, she’ll be out in a minute.” He had asked Lucy to hang back until after Tamara came out, he wanted to have the first part of this conversation just the two of them. He waited until Tamara had herself settled at a spot across from him and had started doctoring up her pancakes the way she liked them before continuing,
He stood back up quickly from grabbing the pancakes from the oven for himself and Lucy. “Hey, Tamara, about the other morning.”
She looked up at him silently as she continued prepping her pancakes, but the wariness was still in her eyes.
“When I told you that Isabel doesn’t jump to the front of the line anymore, I forgot to mention something.”
“Okay.”
“That front spot, that belongs to Lucy, and to you, and to Genny and the boys. I need you to know that alright?”
She was just staring him down.
“You five are the people who come first. Lopez would be pissed that she is not on that list, but she and Wesley and their kids have the second spot behind you – nine is too many for one spot. But you are in that first spot, and if you need anything, including just my attention when I’m distracted, that matters, okay?”
There’s a small smile starting to creep on to her face and Tim’s hopeful he’s getting this conversation right. “You don’t even like Wesley.”
“Eh, he’s fine, but Lopez loves him and she’s my best friend, so he gets a spot.”
She looks conflicted and he already knows where he misstepped but he’ll let her say it. “So, I get a spot because I’m Lucy’s roommate?”
“No. You got that spot all on your own just by being who you are. You become a lawyer and you might get bumped down next to Wesley though.”
Finally, the full smile is on her face as she digs into her pancakes.
“Good.” He raises his voice just a little as he makes his own way around the counter to sit down to eat, “Lucy, come on get moving, your pancakes are going to get cold.”
“And Tim’s done with his heart to heart so it's safe out here for your emotions.”
Yep, Tamara definitely had their number.