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A battered Ken Amada storms down the steps of Tartarus, his vision a narrowing kaleidoscope of tears as the other embattled members of S.E.E.S struggle to catch up with him. They cry out to him with whatever strength they have left after making a daring escape from the tower.
“Ken-kun, please listen!”
“Go away! Leave me alone,” he howls back in a hoarse voice.
At the base of Tartarus’ steps, Fuuka Yamagashi turns to face the child as his wild pace betrays his movement. He stumbles, but catches his stride and races past the girl, hobbling to the exit.
“Ken-kun, what...happened in there?!” Fuuka’s voice is breathless.
“Fuuka! Catch him, don’t let him run! He’s really hurt,” cries Yukari Takeba.
Fuuka wheels around to face the boy, who is already halfway towards the door of this strange and nebulous room. Ken’s strained breathing hisses through gritted teeth, his eyes pinch closed as the pains of battle continue to punish him. He lets a few whimpers escape as he begins pounding the door. Fuuka gets behind him and hooks her arms around Ken, pulling him towards her chest. Ken thrashes like a trapped animal.
“No! N-No, let me GO!”
He nearly overcomes Fuuka’s grip with a thrown elbow, and the two spin back to face the stairs, where the remainder of S.E.E.S thunders towards him.
“Hold on, we’re coming!”
“Ken-kun…”
“Why, Ken?!”
The dog Koromaru barks in fright as Ken writhes in Fuuka’s hold. She refuses to let go, bringing him to an awkward but suppressive squatting position. As she gazes pleadingly at the oncoming crew, Ken springs up through her hold, the top of his head bashing Fuuka beneath the chin, sending her back a few steps. Disoriented, Fuuka lets Ken wriggle free, immediately covering her injury as tears of shock roll down her cheeks. As Ken attempts to leap away, he crumples to the ground just a few feet away.
“S-Someone get him!”
“Fuuka! Are you alright?!”
The first hand on Ken is Mitsuru Kirijo’s, placed firmly on his right shoulder, pinning him in place.
Then comes the leader of S.E.E.S., who surrounds Ken and guards his escape route with outstretched arms.
Yukari Takeba and Junpei Iori are quick to follow, splitting up to address both Ken and Fuuka.
“Hang on, I gotcha Ken," Junpei says.
Koromaru, Aigis, and Akihiko Sanada stand by the leader as the others keep Ken in place. Soon, Ken’s body stops heaving with anger, the last of his effort expended.
Yukari is already reaching into her bag for a healing salve as Fuuka stares at the child. She wipes her tears as Yukari comes up empty-handed.
“Oh, Ken…”
“‘Oh Ken?!’ He hurt you, Fuuka-chan,” Yukari says.
“I…ah, I know, but look at him,” Fuuka says in a low voice, palming the stinging pain on her chin, “he didn’t want to hurt me, he wanted to run away so badly that...he…Ken-chan…”
“I don’t think he has anywhere else to run, senpai,” Akihiko sighs, looking to the leader through a bruised eye. He rubs his neck, grimacing in pain as he glances towards Koromaru. The dog whines before moving over to the young boy’s side, dropping the front half of his body down to investigate the state of him.
The Leader turns to face Ken, slumped over and face bowed to the floor, the sleeves of his hooded sweatshirt crisscrossed over his eyes, as if blocking out an intense light. The Leader crouches down to Ken’s level.
The boy’s cheeks burn red hot. He lets a trembling phantom of a sigh escape his lips.
“I…” he begins.
Then he begins to cry, a single sour note that stretches deep into this empty place. His shoulders hunch and tense as the crying worsens.
Mitsuru releases Ken and stands up, a dark expression on her face. She brushes a loose strand of crimson hair out of her eye, only for it to fall right back into place. She swallows an outburst, offering only a terse phrase.
“Team meeting, fifteen minutes.”
“Can’t it wait until...tomorrow?” whines Junpei, turning to face her.
“How can we let this wait, Iori?”
Junpei’s voice croaks as he struggles to make his case.
“We’re pretty badly beaten up here. I’m...thinkin’ we should rest up, y’know, make sure everyone’s gonna make it before-”
Mitsuru stamps at Junpei, fists clenched at her side.
“You want to ‘sleep on it?’ We nearly DIED in there. We nearly lost EVERYONE. I don’t know about all of you...but I won’t be able to rest for some time until I get answers as to what the Hell went on in there! Fifteen minutes…”
She glances down at Ken, who seems to have curled up even tighter after the shouting. She lowers her voice before delivering her next words.
“...mandatory attendance.”
Koromaru gently paws at the boy as the team attempts to straighten themselves out after the encounter. Mitsuru stands by the door, waiting for the rest of S.E.E.S to join her there.
One by one, the team begins to leave Ken’s side. Akihiko shoots a dismissive glance at Junpei.
“Seriously, how did you think ‘let it wait’ was gonna go with her, Iori?”
“Ah, c’mon, senpai! This wasn’t any ordinary ass-kicking. That was next-level brutal, man. I’m worried about us…and really…”
Junpei glances at the boy on the ground.
“...I’m really worried about him. Bad enough that he’s all beat up, but you know how Ken’s been mentally. He can’t get cracked like that in battle and then endure the wrath of the Ice Queen on top of that. It’s too much for him…he’ll explode.”
“This isn’t just about Ken,” Akihiko retorts, “he bolted up and down those floors because we failed him as a team. The Leader knows it, Mitsuru knows it…we all have to explain our part in why this night was a failure.”
Yukari finishes examining Fuuka and makes her way over to Ken. As she passes the rest of the team, necks crick, arms raise, and pained grimaces ring out in this odd space.
“Ow...ow…”
“Here, I have something for that.”
“Thanks, senpai.”
“Mhm, I-mhm! Yeowch!”
“Still hurts?”
“Y-eah, oh...yeah, still hurts...”
Ken hasn’t gotten up.
“Ken-kun,” Yukari begins.
“Help me pick him up. He’s in shock,” Akhiko says.
Yukari sits Ken upright, brushing the torn sleeves down on his sweatshirt. His head hangs heavy, his bruised face gravitates towards the ground. His reddened cheeks smolder with hot tears that haven’t been wiped away yet. Akihiko reaches down, extending his hand to Ken, the fingers of his glove frayed by battle. No response.
“Alright, c’mon.”
Akihiko takes Ken from underneath the arm. With their height disparity, he has to crouch considerably to put Ken on his feet. Yukari reaches to help.
“I think I can just carry him out myself,” Akihiko sighs, “Ready Ken? One, two-”
With a grunt of effort, Ken is swept off the floor and cradled in Akihiko’s weary arms. The boy is unexpectedly heavy. Even though every inch of Akihiko is weary and battle-torn, he carries Ken to the exit. The party clears the way as he carries the boy to the great blue door.
Akihiko mutters a chorus under his breath as he approaches the exit of Tartarus: “I got you, I got you...don’t worry, I’m getting you outta here...”
===
Despite the close call, Mitsuru is less than welcoming as the team arrives back to the dormitory’s common area.
The S.E.E.S crew keeps their eyes on the floor, occasionally glancing at Ken when his name is mentioned in her rantings. Between Mitsuru’s vexation, all that’s audible are the team's tired sighs and the hum of fluorescent bulbs overhead. Ken sits, pouting and pretzeled up, on a single cushion of the large leather couch, no doubt reliving the events of the evening.
Tonight's Dark Hour started off all wrong in the first place: the operation took place just days after the murder of S.E.E.S’ founding member Shinjiro Aragaki. The young boy had harbored some resentment for the former leader of S.E.E.S for an unforgivable past, but when it came time to confront him, Ken witnessed an unseen side of Shinjiro: a willing martyr.
Shinjiro saved Ken’s life, taking a bullet for him.
His last words sputtered out in leaden breaths, spoken like a whispered, shivering plea.
“You’re still just a kid, Ken...you got your whole life ahead of you…so don’t waste it…”
Run.
“Make it your own...okay…?”
Hide.
The young boy escaped down the suffocating narrows of downtown Port Island, crammed himself behind a vent shaft just outside of a strange restaurant. He braced himself and wept openly, hiding from the collapsing world. The heat of the vent made him recoil further into himself, his knees blocked his ears. Senses felt drowned, nothing felt real.
If Akihiko hadn’t found him, there’s no telling what could have happened to him, what he’d have done to himself.
Days passed, the wounds were still tender among S.E.E.S. Ken hasn’t quite uncurled.
When it was time to re-enter Tartarus that Sunday, Ken appeared in the lobby, insisting he would fight alongside S.E.E.S once again. He wanted to be part of the team: of course he did, he felt their mission in the sea of his soul. Even when the tempest tides threatened to capsize him, there was a new guiding star gleaming in the sky.
“I’m coming with you all,” he had said with his chin held high, daring his tears to fall, “for my Mom, for myself…for Shinjiro. The Dark Hour has to be stopped. I can’t let people hurt like this if I know I can help. That…is my mission…”
And, with a speech like that, it was no wonder that the crew accepted his request with a cheer.
That night, Tartarus proved more taxing than previously anticipated. Even with the leader’s judicious tactics and plentiful healing, the team was becoming frustrated in new ways. Demons on the higher floors reflected most of the efforts cast against them, throwing some elemental attacks right back into the party’s faces. Physical attacks were slowly losing their effectiveness.
Resources ran low, patience was tripwire-thin.
After a revolving door of party members giving it their all, the remaining party was whittled down to the leader, Akihiko, Yukari, and Ken. At the base of the stairs to the next floor, the exhaustion finally found its voice.
“Okay…I think I’ve…had enough,” Yukari was the first to concede.
“Fuuka,” the leader tapped into their communicator, “how many floors until the next Guardian?”
“Give me a moment…”
Ken turned to face the party, raising his eyebrows a bit.
“We’re giving up?”
“Don’t call it giving up,” Akihiko reasoned, “call it necessary rest. We’ve been through a lot tonight...this month, for that matter.”
“Senpai’s right,” the leader added, “no unnecessary risks, no exceptions.”
Ken offered a disbelieving head shake as the communicator crackled to life.
“...oh, I’m getting a very strong signal from just up the stairs. They must be up a level! What’s the course of action, leader?”
The boy’s expression soured as the leader opted to disengage.
“Understood. There should be a teleporter two floors below your current position. Avoid the shadows, and get back safely.”
“Thank you, Fuuka.”
Yukari heaved a sigh of exhausted relief, just barely catching Ken’s reaction to the news.
“Hey, what’s with the attitude? We’re finally getting out of here.”
“It’s just one lousy floor,” Ken groused, “with one Guardian. And four of us.”
Ken kicked the ground in front of him, his posture becoming more closed off.
“You’re joking. You’re not seriously suggesting pressing on, Ken-kun,” Yukari said.
“Be reasonable. Even with the four of us fighting, those last floors have severely limited our capacities,” Akihiko joined in.
While the leader and Yukari turned about-face to walk back to the teleporter, Akihiko motioned for Ken to join them. In protest, Ken stomped up the stairs. The two turned around with a look of shock that cut through their exhaustion-fogged faces.
“Hey! Hey,” Akihiko said, stepping to the base of the stairs with his arm outstretched.
“Ken, we don’t have time to mess around. Come down here and let’s go already!”
Ken stared down at the party, and took a backwards step up on the stairs. The party lurched, awaiting his next move.
“You’re all giving up. We can do this now. I can do this now,” Ken stated.
“Ken,” the leader warned, “don’t try it. That’s an order.”
Another big reverse step up the stairs put some distance between Ken and the others. They moved with bated breath as the boy’s face wrinkled with disgust.
“After all this…pain, with Shinji, we have the chance to make it right tonight. And you’re giving up. You’re giving up on him…”
“Don’t be stupid, Ken-kun!”
Ken faced Yukari with an irreparable scowl.
“Who made YOU the boss?”
Yukari was baffled by his boldness. Her face became twisted with anger.
“We need to calm down,” the leader attempted, just falling short of being heard as Yukari stamped her foot on the first step.
“I think WE are plenty calm already. I think WE have the right idea,” Yukari began, “but more than ALL of that, I think KEN needs to put his stupid little pride aside and get down here before I get up there myself and DRAG his ass back to the dorm!”
The boy took a bold leap back, and now the team waited at the base of the stairs, officially out of range should Ken flee for the higher floor. They would need to reason with him. They would need all the tact they could muster to skirt an impending disaster.
“That’s enough,” Akihiko snapped in a sudden tone, throwing a steadying hand behind him. His words lingered in the empty dark corridor of Tartarus.
All was still.
“You’re just a little kid, Ken,” Yukari continued, “this is too dangerous for you. You’re going to get yourself killed. I’m not going to say it again: come down here, or I am going up there to get you.”
Ken’s eyes glowered with electric rage, and in a moment, he said something he shouldn’t have to Yukari.
Everyone froze, the bite of the words took the air right out of the room. Everyone was wide-eyed, even Ken himself. Yukari covered her mouth with her hand.
Ken's eyes began to pinch, his lips warped back into a frown, and before another finger lifted from the party below, Ken was up the stairs and through the door of the Guardian room.
“Dammit!”
“KEN!”
“We gotta get him, it’s suicide for him to go alone!”
“Oh for…hold on, Ken!” Yukari exclaimed.
Everyone rushed up the stairs and into the perilous, labyrinthian hallways in search of the boy. They heard him shouting, and the sounds of fighting, somewhere in the far end of the darkness.
What they encountered at the end of the hallway was an indomitable masked automaton, staring down at the boy and his persona. Ken and his persona Nemesis were already locked into battle with the enemy. Bolts of lightning bounced off the hulking being, shooting every which way. Ken’s eyes stung with tears, his voice hoarse from war cries. Nemesis's Physical moves did next to nothing, and the behemoth swiped away at the boy, sending him flying into the wall of the dungeon.
As the shadow approached to execute the downed Ken, a burst of wind blasted the great iron being. It turned, witnessing the bloodshot and battle-tested members of S.E.E.S charging from across the room, ready to fight.
It took everything for them to keep each other alive. Clothes were torn, bodies bruised and battered, but they survived. The shadow flittered away into black ichor as they rushed to approach Ken.
“Fuuka,” the leader sputtered against the electric screech of the communicator, “Ken’s sustained major damage, he’s not getting up. We’re doing everything we…hello? Fuuka, do you read?”
Akihiko points to the bottom of the communicator device, where a bent battery hangs by the tiniest sliver of copper wiring. Busted.
Yukari attempts to heal Ken, tears welling up in her eyes. Commotion was quick to fill the room.
“C’mon Ken, wake up, dammit!”
“Don’t we have any reviving stones?”
“Used the last of them five floors ago!”
“We never bothered to ration?!”
“Ken, please!”
A frantic Yukari leapt to Ken's side, ear pressed to his chest, hoping to hear any kind of pulse. His sweater was too thick to show any sign of life, his body was still.
A small coo emerged from Ken.
“Sor…ry…I'mmuh…”
Yukari screamed with shock and backed away from the boy, who began to roll over, attempting to find his footing. She hid her face behind her slashed sleeves, the stretched collar of her sweater draped over one shoulder. His hand blindly grazed the wall for support as he turned away from the party. He bowed his head and stood stone-still, and Akihiko moved in for comfort.
“He’s up and moving again after all that,” the leader remarked, watching Ken closely.
“Dammit Ken, we thought you were a goner! Why didn’t you listen to us?!”
Yukari’s words rattled Ken, whose head drooped with the weight of her condemnation.
“...lea...me a…lone…”
“Ohhh no you don’t,” Yukari asserted, “as it turns out, you CAN’T be left alone! You are in serious crap when Mitsuru hears about this.”
“I said…” Ken began, lurching.
“Not a chance,” Akihiko muttered, shooting his hand out to grab Ken’s hood.
Upon his touch, Ken found his second wind and slipped out of Akihiko’s range. He escaped down the hallway, headed back down the stairs.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”
“GO, GO, GO!”
The party chased the boy down fifty-odd floors, enduring surprise attacks from they shadows they tried to rush passed. It was wild, clumsy, and left everyone limping by the time Ken had erupted from the main door of Tartarus.
And now he sits curled up and mute as Mitsuru’s wrath continues to buffet the group.
“...dangerous, insipid, and worst of all, ignorant to the lives of everyone here!”
Koromaru whines, and Akihiko pets away the dog’s anxieties with some circular pets on his head. He glances up at Mitsuru through a furrowed brow, offering a cold but firm stare. Mitsuru notices this changes her tone.
“After hearing what happened…and what was said, I understand that tensions are at an all-time high within S.E.E.S…” she says, searching for a calmer voice, “we are, without a doubt, approaching a level of exhaustion that may cause a fracture within our ranks. If we suffer any more of these episodes, we won’t be able to cooperate and our mission will be a complete failure. I’ve talked it over with our leader: until we can work out the problem and get adequately rested, we are issuing a tenure from ascending Tartarus until further notice.”
Ken begins to rock a bit in his seat as the present company hang their heads in unison.
“It’s for our own good. It’s one thing for the resources to run out, or for the communicator to break…but it’s an entirely different thing if our collective sanities slip through the cracks. That is a precious resource that cannot be recovered once lost.”
Mitsuru stands up straight, turning to the leader.
“Well, that was all I have to say about the subject matter...I apologize for taking up so much of our time. Leader, have any additional comments?”
The leader stands, panning around the room to see some sleep-stricken eyes gazing back.
“Nothing more to say,” the leader states, “I am hoping that this break will be refreshing. As of now, we seem to be a little ahead of schedule, so we figure this won’t slow our process by much. Please, take your time with this: get your rest. Be well. It’s our best chance of winning this fight.”
Mitsuru huffs, looking at Ken.
"Akihiko?"
Akihiko shakes his head, and the leader waits for Mitsuru's dismissal.
“Meeting adjourned.”
Air returns to the scene as people begin lumbering off to their dorm rooms.
“Sheesh...g’night everybody. Breakfast…hmhhh breakfast is on me...tomorrow,” Junpei yawns, cringing as his bruised arm reaches for the stair rail.
The others follow. Akihiko coaxes the dog to follow him upstairs.
Yukari fruitlessly attempts to straighten out her sweater, attempting to get the neck of the garment to sit somewhat symmetrically on her shoulders. Each adjustment just dribbles off her shoulder. She releases a heavy sigh of disgust. It’ll never be the same again.
She turns to the stairs as a voice from the kitchen stops her in her tracks.
“Takeba-chan,” Mitsuru pipes up.
Please, not like this... Yukari’s mind begs.
“Please, meet me in the kitchen.”
Her steps feel heavy as she approaches Mitsuru. She stands expectantly as Mitsuru speaks in a low and secretive voice, seemingly avoiding eye contact.
“Listen, I understand that Ken said something quite...shocking to you tonight. Are you feeling okay after that?”
“It was weird…but I’m fine,” Yukari asserts.
“It must have embarrassed him greatly too, almost definitely causing him to flee.”
“‘Embarrassed him greatly?’”
“Please, let me finish," Mitsuru pleads, glancing over at Ken, "and keep your voice down.”
Yukari’s lips tighten as Mitsuru continues.
“If you could sit with him for a while, maybe come to a mutual apology…it would speed the recovery process.”
Yukari is baffled by Mitsuru’s request, but she keeps her outrage at a hissing whisper so Ken can’t hear.
“'Mutual apology?!' As if! I have nothing to apologize for just because he nearly died! Just like I said he would. If anything, he owes me an apology for making me chase him around and getting us all hurt and…and ruining a perfectly good sweater!”
Mitsuru pinches the bridge of her nose as Yukari pouts at the newly-asymmetric neckline of her sweater.
“Please,” Mitsuru begins with a merciful tone, “just…sit with him, hear him out. Make amends. Otherwise he might run off again. With everyone resting up, if he takes off into the night…there is a terrible chance we might not find him. The way Akihiko-senpai found him last time...”
"Then send Akihiko. Don't you think I'm the last person he wants to see after all that?"
Mitsuru doesn't respond. Her eyes seem to plead with Yukari.
“This is so unfair…”
She sighs heavily.
“...fine, fine! I’ll talk to him.”
“I appreciate that. Hopefully this can begin the mending process,” Mitsuru says, a relieved smile gracing her tired face.
“Yeah, well...it better…”
“I can stay and monitor the situation, if you’d like. For fairness’s sake.”
Yukari hesitates, but shakes her head after a beat.
“He’ll think it’s forced with you standing there, just…leave him to me, I’ll…make things right, I guess.”
“In that case, I’ll check on the others,” Mitsuru says, heading for the stairs.
“Goodnight, Kirijo-chan.”
“Goodnight, Takeba-chan. I trust you’ll make things right, you're very compassionate. I admire that about you.”
Yukari processes the compliment as the room empties to just Ken and herself.
Despite the raging in that lecture earlier…maybe Kirijo-senpai’s…not all that bad.
Yukari doesn’t have much time to reflect on the feeling as Ken shifts a bit on the couch. Yukari stares at him, a patch of mousy-brown hair protruding out of the collar of his hoodie. Every other limb has retracted back into the hoodie, sleeves left limp as the body of the hoodie now stretches with the retreating child underneath it.
Sleepily, Yukari makes her way over to the couch, sitting on the polar opposite end, leaning on the armrest for support. She still aches all over, she tries desperately to make herself somewhat comfortable. Ken seems to feel her presence, but reacts by being as still as possible.
“...hey…”
Ken doesn’t reply. He is still.
Yukari remembers Fuuka’s comment: “Oh, Ken...” Her nose wrinkles with disdain, thinking about Fuuka’s odd level of sympathy for this little troublemaker.
“...I know you’re under there, Ken. You’re not seriously hiding from me right now, are you?”
No response.
“Look,” Yukari huffs, “I’m...making sure you’re gonna be okay, and I can’t know that you’re gonna be okay unless you talk to me. And I’m not leaving until we talk. This little kid stuff isn’t helping you, so…what’s it gonna be? Can we talk like big kids right now?”
Ken shuffles a little bit, putting his arms back through his sleeves. When his arms emerge, he wraps his arms around where his legs would be underneath this protective hoodie barrier. Yukari rethinks her strategy.
“Plus…I want to apologize for a few things. A lot of things, actually,” she sighs, playing with her hair.
“Mhm…”
It’s the first sound Ken’s made since they returned to the dorm hours ago. Yukari tilts her head at the lump within the hoodie, letting a hand hover over his back. She pauses, and decides not to touch him.
“Are you gonna come out Ken-kun?”
“Mhm…not yet…”
Yukari reclines, the pains incurred that evening shooting up through her in a tight pins-and-needles sensation. She stifles a groan, keeping quiet as she moves closer to Ken.
“It’s kinda hard to hear you, so I’m just scooting closer, okay?”
“Mhm.”
Ken utters a more dejected hum as Yukari looks around. This early in the morning, the quiet common room takes on an eerie feel. It was truly a lonely place to be, especially when the comfort of her room was so close.
I shouldn’t even be here! I should be asleep…but Ken-chan…
She turns to face him again.
“I’m sorry for all those mean things I said. I was so tired and pissed off and I let you have it because you wanted to keep going. I didn’t mean to call you those things. I’m really sorry that I did. You were just trying to be helpful.”
Ken wriggles again, and then the withdrawn child rotates on the uneven cushion and falls back-first into Yukari’s lap. She lets out a groan of pain as he blindly attempts to correct his orientation.
“Oof! Umm OUCH, Ken-kun!”
Yukari attempts to shift Ken upright, but her arms inherit that pins-and-needles sensation from her bruises. Her mood shifts to frustration as Ken resigns to lay on her lap.
“C’mon Ken, cut it-!”
She grips the collar of the hoodie and forces it down, and suddenly his head pops through. It only takes one second of her staring down at the child for her expression to change.
His eyes are puffy and pink, eclipsed by dark circles of sleeplessness. His cheeks are streaked with salt where tears no longer flow. His lips quiver, his nose bright-red, and his eyelids hardly open. All he can do when plunged back into the real world is sniffle.
“...sorry.”
“S’okay.”
They sit staring at each other, unsure of where to go from here.
“Are you feeling a little better?” Yukari offers.
“Kinda.”
“Okay…I’ll take ‘kinda.’ I’m feeling kinda ‘kinda’ too.”
“Are you really hurt, Takeba-senpai?”
“Mhm.”
“Sorry.”
“No, you…you didn’t hurt me. You’re okay.”
“I did hurt you. And I hurt Fuuka-senpai…when I was running away…”
“Well, you should apologize to her first thing in the morning. You could have apologized while she was here, before you disappeared...”
Ken closes his eyes, shifting with discomfort. Yukari masks her own pain as she continues.
“...but I’ll be okay, once I get to sleep.”
Ken winces as he attempts to rotate his staring face away from Yukari’s. He turns away, gazing out at kitchenette.
“You can go to sleep now if you want,” Ken says, “I don’t want to keep you from that if it’ll help you.”
Yukari nearly takes him up on his offer, but protests.
“That’s not how this works. I won’t feel comfortable sleeping if I know that you’re still hurting.”
“I’ll be fine once I sleep, just like you,” Ken asserts.
“Not that kind of hurting, Amada-san.”
Ken’s eyes flutter a bit.
“On the stairs, back in the tower,” Yukari starts, “we were really going after each other, weren’t we? Yelling and calling each other names…but you said something to me back there, and you called me something, then you ran off. It surprised us all. I could tell it really surprised you when you said it...”
Ken curls up a little at the memory of it, but Yukari places a gentle hand on his back to keep him from fully withdrawing again.
“Ken…we don’t have to talk about what you said, but I do want to help you feel better about that anger you felt.”
“We don’t have to-”
“Because I know how you felt. I know that feeling,” Yukari says soberly.
“You...do?”
Yukari sighs deeply.
“My father…he passed away in an accident. And I didn’t know what to do with myself after that. All I felt was anger and rage, and I felt like it would go on forever and I felt too weak to stop it.”
“Your dad died too?” Ken whimpers.
“All I could do was be angry,” she says, beginning to rub Ken’s back tenderly. She gently lifts her hand for a moment, realizing she started this gesture without permission.
“Sorry, should I stop doing that?”
Ken shook his head, offering his little “s’okay” before Yukari resumes.
“Um…I was just angry, and I took it out on my Mom first. She was seeing these other men after my Dad died, and it felt so disrespectful. Like, did she ever love my Dad in the first place? What did these random guys have that my father didn’t? Doesn’t she wish he was alive still? We fought so often, and just like you…I said hurtful things that I can’t take back.”
She is mindful of the tension forming in her hands. She takes a deep breath before continuing.
“So I understand how you felt when you said something you couldn’t take back. I just wanted to help you so badly there, but then…you ran off. And I was so scared and angry that you were going into danger and you might get killed, I just…couldn’t stop being angry when we found you.”
“I deserved it,” Ken admits, “I was stupid and I got hurt and I deserved every little bit of it.”
Yukari finds a slight smile, even as his worried words furrow her brow a bit.
“You were stupid, yeah. But you don't really think deserve any of that, right? You better stop saying that or else you’re gonna start believing it.”
“It won’t happen again,” Ken promises.
“It better not. But...I want to say sorry for being so angry when we found you when I should have been…been happy that we found you alive.”
Ken expresses annoyance in a little groan. Yukari can feel him tense up. She lifts her hand off his back.
“I…shouldn’t be alive.”
“Oh, Ken…”
Yukari realizes how close to Fuuka she sounded just now, as Ken shifts his focus back onto the girl.
“That thing really hurt me everywhere. All I wanted to do was help. For Shinjiro, for my parents…all of them. For myself too, maybe. When I was lying on the floor, I felt like I was letting everyone down. Even the people I wanted to do my best for. I was careless and scared. I thought I was helping, I can't do anything right. I hate myself.”
He rubs his dry eyes with the side of his fist and continues, averting his gaze.
“I’m sorry for everything I did. I don’t know what to do to make it up to you. It won’t happen again, but what I said and did…it’s unforgivable.”
Yukari stares down at him, eyes becoming a bit glassy at his sentiment. Her voice cracks a bit.
“You know what my Mom would do, every time I would scream and shout and cry and...say these unforgivable things?”
Ken shivers a bit, slowly turning to look at her.
“What did she do?”
“She would…let me lay down, with my head on her lap…and she would stroke me…”
Yukari resumes giving light touches, this time to Ken’s side. It was muscle memory, it was comfort.
“...l-ike this. And she would play with my hair, and hum a song…tell me how…proud my Dad was of me, and how proud she is of me. And she would tell me that everything was going to be okay, but things were just going to be different.”
Ken sniffles, his voice now quaking a bit.
“And it helped you?”
“I grew up, Ken-kun. Even though I still have issues with my Mom,” Yukari sniffs, a cynical smile fighting through her solemnity, “and the stupid, ugly, rude men she spends time with, I knew everything was going to be okay. Year after year, if it couldn’t be good, it could be okay at least.”
“You grew up…”
Ken offers a trembling sigh. He leans heavier onto Yukari, but she doesn’t stop supporting him as he continues speaking.
“...when I was littler, and my parents were around, I really needed their help. With focusing, making friends, making choices. I thought when I grew up, I would know how to help myself with all of that. Like…that would be the thing that showed me that I was going to be okay in life when they were gone. When I could help myself. I was tired of needing everyone’s help, so when I grew up, I vowed that I wouldn’t need it.”
His voice gets darker as he continues.
“But I’m older now, and I still need help all the time. So maybe…I didn’t grow up at all?”
Yukari ponders his words, but finds the answer for him.
“Your first mistake is that you think growing up means not asking for help anymore. Older people need help, too. Ask our leader, ask Mitsuru. We need help with things that you’re too young to even have to worry about yet.”
Tenderly, she places her bruised arm across his waist and pulls him close.
“Growing up isn’t when you don’t need help anymore,” she states, “it’s when you know how to turn to someone and ask for it.”
Ken turns, his eyes pinching off tears.
“I miss them so bad, Takeba-senpai.”
Even though it is excruciating, she lifts Ken to her chest for a hug.
“You’re going to be okay, Ken. I promise you. You’re a good kid, they’re proud of who you’re becoming, I'm proud of who you're becoming. And you’re gonna be okay.”
They sat in silence for some time. But neither of them seemed to take time into account. For a moment, they were just okay.
“Your…”
Yukari looks down at a tearful Ken as he finishes his thought.
“...your sweater is really soft.”
Yukari smiles and puts on a playful angry voice.
“Hmph, glad you like it, because the Guardian totally RUINED it in there!”
Ken laughs until it becomes a whimpering cry, and when it does, Yukari cries and pulls him tightly into her arms again. Small movements, gentle rocking, until the crying stops from both of them.
“You’re…so nice, Takeba-senpai. And you’re funny too.”
Yukari tousles Ken’s hair, finding a small laugh.
“Glad someone around here thinks so. Junpei thinks I treat him like crap, but I only do that because he can take it. Plus, he deserves it sometimes.”
“He’s funny too, really…really funny,” Ken yawns.
“Mhm,” she replies, offering a yawn of her own.
She wipes her eyes, and after a beat she taps him on the shoulder.
“Hey...are you okay with sleeping down here tonight? I think all the boys are already asleep, and boys aren’t allowed to sleep on the girls’ floor. I can get a quilt from my room for you to use as a blanket. Is that okay?”
“Nah, I can just sleep in my hoodie on the couch,” Ken says.
“Don’t try and be a tough guy, Ken-kun. It’s autumn, it gets way colder at night,” Yukari pouts.
“...okay.”
Yukari gets up and stretches, placing Ken’s head gently down on the loveseat.
“Mhm, I’ll be right back with the blanket. You’re not going anywhere, right?”
“N-No.”
Yukari smiles. Mission complete.
“Good answer. I’ll be right back.”
“Thank you, senpai.”
Yukari takes a deep breath before she quietly makes her way up the stairs.
When she reaches the boys’ dorm level on the second floor, she is shocked to find Akihiko on one side of the area bench, with a lump of blankets on the floor next to him. Koromaru sleeps soundly in the corner.
Akihiko stares up at Yukari, looking like a fighter facing a fourth round in the ring. Though exhausted and damaged, he manages to lift a hand and whisper a “hey.”
“What’re you still doing up?” Yukari asks.
“Kirijo-senpai,” Akihiko states, motioning at the lump of blankets on the other end of the bench, “way too tired to make it up the stairs. Thought I’d watch over her while she rests up.”
Poor Kirijo-senpai, thought Yukari.
“She was drained after the meeting. I think the yelling took more out of her than the battling did,” he adds.
“She went berserk,” Yukari admits half-jokingly.
"I was just up here making sure Koromaru wouldn’t run downstairs. If he did, he’d try sleeping in Shinjiro’s old spot and, well...”
“...right.”
“...anyway, Koromaru fell asleep pretty quickly, so I started heading to bed myself. Then Kirijo-senpai came up the stairs. Wobbling, incoherent. I managed to sprint over to catch her as she fell. I had no idea how exhausted she was. She hid it pretty well from all of us."
"Hm."
"She was mumbling when I tried to sit her down on the bench. She said you were taking care of Amada-san, something about how she felt the situation was in good hands. Got her a pillow and some blankets until she feels rested enough to make it to her room.”
Yukari blushes a bit as Akihiko continues.
“So, things are squared away with Ken? He’s staying over tonight? He can use my room if he’d like.”
“I think so,” Yukari nods, “I was actually going to get a quilt for him. My mother made it, it's warm and soft.”
As Yukari turns, Akihiko attempts to sit more upright.
“Hey, speaking of...not that it’s my place to ask, but did Ken ever explain why he blew up and said all that to you? In the tower?”
Yukari freezes on the stairs but doesn’t turn back.
“In a way. He said it won’t happen again.”
“Truth be told, what he said has been replaying in my mind all night,” he says.
“Same with me. Like it only just happened,” she responds.
Akihiko starts putting pieces together.
“So he didn’t mean it? The stuff about 'never ever caring if he lived or died?' He was just upset?”
“He was just upset.”
“And why did he call you ‘Mom?’”
Yukari bows a bit on the stairs, grabbing the rail for support.
“That’s…private, senpai.”
“Right. My apologies,” he states as he leans forward.
“So you think he’s going to be okay?”
Yukari offers an exhausted smile as she leans over the railing.
“...I think he’s going to be okay.”