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Waking up in pain was part of his routine, to the point where he had grown used to it. Pain was his long-time companion, one that refused to leave.
He feels a twinge of pain in his calf and clenches his teeth. That's his morning greeting. Initially, his eyes don't open; the sleep haze still leaving him groggy. However, another twinge in his leg makes going back to sleep impossible. His eyes open slowly, and when fully open, he blinks. One. Two. Three. He was awake, and there was no escaping it.
With all the grumpiness he could muster, he turns, facing the wall. His grimace deepens as the pain increases, starting with small twinges until it becomes unbearable. For a moment, he considers getting up to fetch the medicine, but then remembers that all his medications are stored in a cabinet in the kitchen. The kitchen. It's so far away. Why did he agree to that again?
"It's more organized."
Lee Dong-sik rolls his eyes. He curls into a fetal position, taking a deep breath. Okay, this would pass in a few hours. It wouldn't last forever. He could endure.
He could.
Despite trying to avoid making any noise, a groan of pain escapes between his clenched teeth. Lee Dong-sik grimaces, closing his eyes and silently pleading to any entity that might exist, regardless of what it is. But it's all in vain. The other one has a light-as-a-feather sleep. Any slight noise would wake him. It was part of his hyper-vigilant nature.
It doesn't take long for him to feel someone moving beside him in bed. He grimaces again and tries to pretend to be asleep. But the pain is so intense that he lets out another groan, and his act is completely ruined. His body betrays him frequently.
He knows the other is awake. He can feel an intense gaze on him. Sometimes, the gaze is so intense that it becomes painful. And when he thinks about it, his body betrays him again. Pain. It's all about pain.
Lee Dong-sik's life is summed up in pain. Intense and endless.
He squints his eyes and forces himself to ignore it.
When he feels a glimmer of hope that the other would just let it pass, he feels him move again. A hand rests on his back, and he sighs. One. Two. Three. And that was another thing he couldn't escape.
"Turn to me.” A soft voice orders. A warm and firm hand is on his back.
His bad mood is strong, but the other's stubbornness is stronger. So, between risking starting an argument in the morning or doing what the man was asking, Lee Dong-sik had to choose the lesser evil. Slowly, with a horrible expression, he turns. Eyes lock onto his face. The intense gaze becomes even more intense, and his skin burns. His leg hurts. The other's hand on his arm is so warm that it paralyzes, and the only thing Lee Dong-sik can think at that moment is that if someone ever said it was impossible to look so beautiful even after waking up, with eyes crusted with sleep and a wrinkled face, that someone hadn't met Han Joo-won.
The beautiful and impeccable Han Joo-won. Who was staring at him deeply, with worried eyes and a furrowed brow.
"Didn't I tell you to stop frowning like that?" He says, sighing again. "Your face will have more wrinkles than mine this way."
"Lee Dong-sik." The soft voice becomes reproachful.
"Me?" Lee Dong-sik blinks, raising his eyebrows.
His attempt at distraction is interrupted by another wave of pain, and his eyes close again, his teeth clench, and he shrinks. The grip on his arm tightens. An anchor of reality in the strange dimension his pain throws him into.
"Come." The other suddenly speaks, touching his leg with the free hand.
Lee Dong-sik protests, holding onto his hand. But he couldn't prevent the other from moving it away and taking his leg, placing it carefully on top of his own. The other adjusts the position, almost embracing him and serving as a support pillow. He stares at Han Joo-won throughout the process, wanting to say a thousand things, most of them being complaints, but the look on the other man's face clearly conveys: "Don't you dare”. So, against his own will, Lee Dong-sik didn't dare.
The hand on his leg starts to caress him, then massaging with circular movements. Lee Dong-sik finally gives up protesting and lays his head on the pillow, looking at Han Joo-won with a hint of irritation.
"Go back to sleep." He requests, in vain.
"You go back." Han Joo-won petulantly replies.
Lee Dong-sik clicks his tongue, "You..." He rolls his eyes. "How am I supposed to sleep?"
As soon as the words leave his mouth, he quickly regrets it.
Han Joo-won's eyes search through his expression, "Is it hurting that much?" He continues massaging his leg. "...On a scale of 0 to 10?"
Lee Dong-sik sighs, looking away. He replies, "7."
When the other falls completely silent, he slowly turns his gaze back to him. Disbelief is written all over his face.
Lee Dong-sik blinks, "8?"
"..." Han Joo-won rolls his eyes, focusing on massaging him.
He watches, feeling the other's fingers applying pressure to his calf. Lee Dong-sik grimaces for a few minutes, thinking about asking the other to stop, but then the sensation of pain in his leg gradually eases as Han Joo-won's fingers work. He sighs once again, but the feeling that dominates him now is much better than before. His eyes close, and he takes a deep breath.
"Afterward, I'll get your medicine," Han Joo-won says, returning to a gentle tone. "Still, if the pain doesn't stop, I'll prepare a warm compress."
Upon hearing that, his bad mood is immediately melted away. That guy, honestly.
Lee Dong-sik smiles, "Look at you, in nurse mode." He speaks, feeling the other's fingers. Then, he opens his eyes and looks at Han Joo-won with a teasing smile. "But you don't have to do that. It usually only lasts a few hours."
"Hours?" Han Joo-won slightly widens his eyes. He blinks. "You endure this level of pain for hours?"
Lee Dong-sik shrugs, "It's been a while. But it's not that bad. I've gotten used to it."
The other pauses, staring at him. His face is covered by something he can't decipher, but it disappears before Lee Dong-sik has time to ask. Han Joo-won then continues massaging him. Who was he to protest, right?
Lee Dong-sik sighs in contentment, "Oh, you should have become a masseur instead of a cop."
Han Joo-won stares at him again. Lee Dong-sik arches his eyebrows, pretending not to understand.
"What's up?"
The other squints, "I'll massage you, give you your medicine, and prepare a warm compress." Then he adds when he sees him about to speak, "And if you complain, I'll take you to the doctor."
"What's this? A threat?" Lee Dong-sik laughs, astonished.
"Yes. Take it as one." The other man looks at him and clicks his tongue.
Lee Dong-sik mimics him, smiling. Despite himself, he's grateful. Grateful for the kindness. Grateful for the insistence. Grateful for the gentle tone. Grateful for the firm tone. Grateful. Grateful. Grateful. In relation to Han Joo-won, he can only feel immensely grateful.
He reaches out to caress the other's head.
Han Joo-won looks into his eyes.
"Don't worry too much." Lee Dong-sik brushes his hair from his forehead. "I survive."
The other wrinkles his nose, "That doesn't mean..." He seems to think about what to say. "That doesn't mean you have to live with pain."
His face softens. Lee Dong-sik coughs.
"Well, what can I do? I'll probably have pain forever." He explains, smoothing some strands of the other's hair. "As I said before, I've gotten used to it."
"Used to it, used to it..." Han Joo-won mutters quietly for a moment, looking away.
"Stop cursing me mentally." He says, watching the man's expression with an amused smile.
"I'm not..." Han Joo-won looks at him again, shaking his head. "Incorrigible." The man diagnoses.
"Let's face it, if there was any way to correct me, I would be so bland and boring." Lee Dong-sik smiles and runs his thumb across Han Joo-won's forehead. "You prefer me like this."
Han Joo-won bites his lip, staring at him.
Lee Dong-sik laughs, tapping his hand, "Keep massaging my leg since you insist so much."
Han Joo-won clicks his tongue for the thousandth time, "Dong-sik."
He raises an eyebrow, "Yes?"
"There's no getting used to it." The other says, seriously. "If there's any way to ease your pain, I..." The man suddenly stops, blinking.
Lee Dong-sik waits for him to finish, fingers pressed to his forehead.
"...I'll do anything." Han Joo-won says, almost awkwardly, in a low tone. Then he says in a louder tone, "So shut up."
He stays silent for a moment, but then bursts into laughter, "Is that your affectionate way?"
The other doesn't respond, massaging. Doing it with such dedication that it's charming. Lee Dong-sik realizes that although the previous pain hasn't disappeared, it has definitely been muted. He has to admit, it's nice not to feel like he's about to lose a leg every morning. That relief is welcome. In his opinion, unnecessary. But welcome.
Then he stops and sighs softly, feeling better. This. He's not used to this.
"Is the warm compress still on?" Lee Dong-sik then asks, smoothing the other man's hair.
Han Joo-won looks at him with eyes full of an emotion he can't discern. It's so intense. How does Lee Dong-sik endure that intensity? Sometimes it's overwhelming. It's like being hit by a strong light or like his pain vibrates in the winter to the bones. Yet, it's a good intensity, an intensity he never wants to go away, no matter how overwhelmed he gets under the man's gaze.
That's when he realizes it's gratitude.
Han Joo-won is looking at him with gratitude.
"Mn." The other agrees, smiling weakly.
Han Joo-won's face lights up. Lee Dong-sik tries hard to hold back a laugh, not wanting to spoil the moment. But it's so adorable. How much he wants to help. How much he wants to be useful. How much he strives to make his life less unbearable.
Lee Dong-sik doesn't think he deserves it, but he would be foolish not to accept.
"Joo-won-ah." He speaks with an exaggeratedly sweet tone.
"Yes?"
"Could you get my medicine, please?" Lee Dong-sik holds the man's face. "Mn?"
Han Joo-won quickly agrees, turning his face slightly to kiss his palm. It's potent enough to make him forget missing the warmth of the other's hand on his leg.
"I'll be back soon." Han Joo-won says, getting up from the bed.
"Wait." He says, changing position and folding his arms under his head. After catching the man's attention, he smiles. "Kiss me properly."
Han Joo-won raises his eyebrows, shaking his head, "Your breath is horrible."
"Aigoo." Lee Dong-sik grimaces. "Romance is so fleeting with you."
The man gives him a little smile, "That's why you have to savor it."
Then he leaves the room, leaving Lee Dong-sik gaping behind.
He laughs, "That guy..."
Who was so helpful. So dedicated.
Lee Dong-sik covers his face and sighs, smiling to himself. The pain in his leg starts to fluctuate in the time it takes Han Joo-won to fetch the medicine. A twinge of pain makes his smile falter a bit.
He grimaces. But when Han Joo-won returns to the room with the medicine and a glass of water, carefully climbs onto the bed, positions the glass in his hand, and calmly watches as he swallows the medicine, things become less painful, less insupportable.
After drinking the water, Han Joo-won looks at him and says decisively, "And no getting used to it from now on. If you're in pain, just tell me."
Lee Dong-sik starts to smile but holds it back at the last moment, agreeing, "Yes, sir."
The other snorts, raising his hand to tousle his hair. He lowers his head and starts to laugh softly.
Maybe it was time to get used to new things.