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Haruka cast a sidelong glance at Airi’s digital watch, squinting to make out the numbers as the sun glinted off the black screen. She knew she should’ve been paying attention, and she was trying , putting all the thought she could manage into the choreography they were struggling to develop… but she couldn’t get her mind off Minori.
It hadn’t been long since Minori had walked out of rehearsal, but Haruka grew more and more concerned with every passing second that she didn’t reappear. Clearly, Shizuku and Airi didn’t share her worries. Shizuku was sitting up against a wall, scrolling on her phone with a mindless expression, while Airi chugged her bottle of water, tapping the rhythm to their practice track against her knee with her free hand. It wasn’t like Minori was missing anything— they’d called a break just a few moments after she’d left, deciding everyone could probably use a breather— but Haruka knew Minori, and Haruka knew Minori hated to miss even a second of rehearsal, even if all they were doing was sitting idly on Instagram and commenting on the weather.
“I’m gonna be right back,” Haruka said, trying her hardest to appear cool and confident as she pushed herself up off the ground against the wall. “Continue without me if you want.”
“You think she’s alright?” Airi asked, squinting after Haruka as the door back into the school swung shut behind her. She quickly glanced at Shizuku, who hadn’t even looked up from her phone. “Should we be concerned?”
“Probably not,” Shizuku shrugged. “She probably just needs to go to the bathroom or something.”
“I mean, I guess,” Airi replied, “but it’s pretty unprofessional to just up and leave like that. And now we’re down to two members anyway so it’s not like we can even do anything.”
Shizuku giggled, finally setting her phone down to properly study her nails. “She’s probably following Minori,” she said, cocking her head meaningfully at Airi. “You know.”
“Yeah,” Airi grumbled. “I wish they’d take this a bit more seriously. They shouldn’t go off like that unless something’s actually wrong. This is roof practice, not speed dating.”
“Oh, come on,” Shizuku scoffed. “Minori takes idoling more seriously than all three of us combined, and I don’t think Haruka has ever taken an off day in her life. They’re fine.”
“Haruka’s been watching the clock since Minori left, though,” Airi complained. She loved that Shizuku was always so positive— Shizuku’s optimism was one of the main things Airi admired about her— but sometimes it was inconvenient if only because there was nobody to act judgmental with. “And it might just be the QT girl in me talking, but I hate clockwatchers.” She shuddered, remembering the way their manager had shouted at them if he caught them so much as glancing at the time, berating them for lacking dedication and enthusiasm, loudly wondering aloud how such passionless girls had gotten into such a high-end agency. “Ugh.”
“I don’t know…” Shizuku murmured, staring critically at the door, almost looking like she was liable to get up and leave, too. “Don’t you think it’s maybe a little concerning that Minori ran away like that?”
Airi considered it. Minori had seemed as peppy as ever at the beginning of rehearsal, leading everyone in a warmup and chattering excitedly about an upcoming event (or something like that; truthfully, Airi had zoned out after only a few sentences). She hadn’t seemed sick or particularly tired, and she was walking fine when she left, so there wasn’t any sign of injury. “She’s probably fine,” Airi concluded. “I bet she went in to refill her water and got distracted by the wall art or something. And plus we’ve only been a unit for a month or so. Maybe we’re only just now noticing she’s a flake.”
“If you say so,” Shizuku shrugged, pretty sure Airi had no clue what she was talking about, but not too keen on the idea of contradicting her and pissing her off. “I guess we get an extended water break while we wait.”
“Minori?” Haruka called, her voice echoing in the hallway. Where did that girl go?! Minori was easy to lose in crowds— easily distracted and eager to socialise— but getting lost in her own school was a whole new level of directionally challenged, even for a girl who once got stranded running spot because she couldn’t remember which way the ladder down from the catwalks was. “Minori??”
No response. Acutely aware of all the time she was wasting, Haruka picked up the pace, jogging down the stairs to the main floor. “Minori?” she yelled again. “Come on!” She felt bad, leaving Airi and Shizuku alone on the roof for so long, but she had to make sure Minori was alright, and they wouldn’t be able to get much done without her anyway. “Hanasato?”
Between the rebound of her voice and the loud tapping of her footsteps, Haruka almost missed the sound— a soft whimper, almost like a sniffle. She paused, craning her neck to try and hear better. The hell?
She almost thought she’d imagined it, but there it was again. Confused and slightly concerned, Haruka set off towards where it seemed to have come from, cocking her head in the direction of the noise. If it was Minori, something was weird and possibly very bad, but… maybe it wasn’t Minori. Maybe it was someone else, or some weird piece of machinery, or a stray cat had gotten into the school.
A stray cat? Really? Rolling her eyes at herself, Haruka broke into a run, ignoring the dull muttering of sports kids downstairs in favour of the quiet sound, growing louder by the second. “Minori?” she called. “Is that you?”
Before she could stop and listen for a response, Haruka found her answer. At the end of a hallway, tucked in the alcove between classrooms, Minori sat against the wall with her head tipped back and her eyes closed, a pained look pulled tight across her face. Oblivious to Haruka’s presence, Minori muttered numbers to herself, counting herself through deep breaths. Haruka’s mind made the sound equivalent of ?! and she instantly stopped in her tracks, frozen with concern. HOLY SHIT?! What the hell happened?
“Hey, Nori,” Haruka said softly, forcing herself to pick up a normal human pace and cautiously approaching. “You alright?” Despite Haruka’s attempt at a gentle tone, Minori jumped, banging the back of her head against the wall. She opened her eyes up at Haruka and smiled, offering a tense thumbs up, but her eyes remained dark. “Hey,” Haruka repeated, squatting by her side. “Talk to me.”
“I’m fine,” Minori said tightly, as if the act of speaking was somehow too much to bear. “Don’t worry about it.” Between her words, she sniffed again, her breath catching in her throat and making a sort of squeaking sound. “I— a-ah, I’m fine.”
“You sure?” Haruka asked sceptically. “You don’t seem like you’re doing too hot.” Was she entirely sure what was going on? No. Was it clearly cause for concern? Most definitely. It looked like Minori was putting a spectacular amount of effort into just sitting there.
“Go away, please,” Minori mumbled, the corner of her mouth pulling up towards her ear. “I’ll, a-ah, I’ll be back in a second.”
“Nori—” Haruka reached for Minori’s shoulder, not really thinking, barely brushing her sleeve. The way Minori acted, though, anyone watching would’ve thought Haruka had stabbed her. She jerked away from Haruka’s touch, curling her lip and hitting herself in the chest in the process, banging her head back against the wall again .
“Shit,” she murmured. “Haruka, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Haruka asked, utterly confused. “For what?”
“For— a-ah, for this,” Minori stammered, her fist aggressively hitting against her chest as she grimaced at the carpet in front of her. “You shouldn’t have to— to see me like this.”
“Minori, I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” Haruka said nervously, urgency and fear creeping into her tone. “What’s wrong with you?” Had someone hurt her? Was she having some sort of panic attack? She seemed fine this morning!
“I have— I have this thing,” Minori explained, her neck twisting further sideways than Haruka thought was possible, “called um, a-ah, a tic— tic disorder? And sometimes it kind of kicks my butt a little.” She tried to smile reassuringly, but the odd angle of her head just made it look terrifying, and Haruka stared at her with wide eyes. “It gets—” she gasped for a breath as her body spasmed— “it gets pretty bad.”
“Wh— how did I not know about this?” Haruka asked, glancing frantically back and forth as if someone who knew exactly what was going on and how to stop it would magically appear beside her. “Are you okay? How do I help? Does it hurt?”
“I’m fine,” Minori said through gritted teeth, still beating at her chest between her words. “This is.” She clicked her tongue. “A tic attack.” She gestured as well as she could at her bag, lying on the ground beside her. “There’s a card in there— a-ah— with information.”
“Okaaaay,” Haruka said, carefully reaching for Minori’s bag and rifling through it. In the front pocket was a little business card. I have Tourette’s Syndrome. I am having a tic attack. Please give me space time to recover on my own. Do not restrain me. This is normal. I will be OK. “Do I just… go back upstairs? What do I tell them?”
“I’ll be fine,” Minori repeated. “I was trying to stop it that whole time,” she explained, panting for air, “but it didn’t. Work that well. Obviously.”
“So do I just go back upstairs?” Haruka asked again, on the verge of freaking out. She’d never quite seen anything like this before, and Minori’s nonchalance about the whole thing only made it all the more eerie. She didn’t want Minori to get hurt, and watching her slam her head over and over into the wall… “Do I call someone?”
“No,” Minori grimaced. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’m not leaving you alone,” Haruka replied, resisting the urge to grab Minori and pull her away from the corner. The card had said she’d be fine and not to touch her, but Haruka was still worried. The least she could do was sit and watch and make sure nothing went horribly. “Why didn’t you just say something? We could’ve helped you.”
“How am I supposed to be an idol like this?” Minori snapped, and only then did Haruka realise how hard she’d been trying to stay calm and keep her voice at a normal level. “I can’t. There’s no way.” She gazed pitifully at Haruka, her chin snapping up towards the ceiling, eyes rolling back in her head. “I— I just—”
“Sh, shhh,” Haruka soothed, hesitantly reaching for Minori’s head but deciding against it and resting her hand on one of Minori’s legs instead, fighting her instincts to grab the girl and pin her down so she couldn’t keep punching herself. “You’re a great idol,” she said. “Really. Whatever this is doesn’t take away from that.”
“But it does!” Minori exclaimed, her tics only growing more violent as tears filled her eyes. “What am I supposed to do?!” She whined loudly, long and high-pitched, and Haruka couldn’t tell if it was voluntary or not. “It hurts,” she whimpered, gritting her teeth in pain as her neck audibly cracked. “Agh!”
“Shit,” Haruka hissed under her breath. “Well now I’m definitely not going anywhere.” She looked up at Minori, trying to figure out what to do. “It’s okay,” she affirmed unsuccessfully, patting lightly on her knee. She hated to see Minori in pain, but what could she do to stop it? Probably nothing, really. If there was a solution, Minori would’ve done it already. The only thing Haruka could think of was trying to comfort her. “You’re a great dancer and you have a passion unlike any other. Nothing can change that. Me and Shizuku and Airi are gonna help you, okay?”
Minori shook her head, her cheeks blazing. “This is so embarrassing,” she stuttered. “I-I wish— I can’t believe— This is— You can’t tell Airi, okay?” It was bad enough that the Kiritani Haruka was sitting here looking at her like she was a wet cat and there was nothing she could do to get up and act normal. She couldn’t stand the idea of Airi or Shizuku, or anyone, really, finding out. Airi already thought she wasn’t experienced enough to be an idol— this would be the nail in her coffin. Maybe she’d up her meds to make sure nothing like this ever happened again.
“Minori, it’s okay,” Haruka said, shaking her head in dismay. Sure, Airi could be a little critical sometimes, but it wasn’t great that Minori was evidently scared of opening up her… she’d do something about that later. Maybe it was just the shame talking. “Calm down. It’s gonna be okay.” She stalled for a moment, unsure if she was being condescending or infantilising or what. “Do you want to… take some deep breaths with me?”
“Okay,” Minori agreed, and Haruka wasn’t sure whether she was too preoccupied to act offended or not, but a yes was a yes. Deliberately, looking into Minori’s eyes as deeply as possible considering the circumstances, she took a loud and obvious inhale, moving her hands in time with her breathing so Minori would have a visual. It was probably good for her , too— her head started to spin whenever she got anxious, and she needed to think clearly to be able to help anyone.
Minori’s tears slowly stopped, but her tics hadn’t seemed to quiet down much— maybe she looked a bit more exhausted, a bit exasperated, and they weren’t as intense as they had been, but they weren’t… gone. “Ugh,” Minori groaned. “A-ah! I’m sorry.”
“Not again,” Haruka said, giving Minori a soft smile to show that she wasn’t mad. “Don’t be sorry. You’re alright.” Cautiously, she reached out and pressed the back of her knuckles to the top of Minori’s head, gently petting down the side of her face and curving beneath her chin. “Shhhh. Good.”
“I can’t believe you— ah, you still like me after that,” Minori muttered bitterly. She went to look up at Haruka, dazed from the whirlwind of the past several minutes and really dazed from the feeling of Haruka’s soft skin against hers, but her body disagreed, her head instead throwing itself all the way back and slamming not only her skull but her shoulders and back into the wall. “OW! Christ’s sake!”
Haruka hesitated, looking thoughtfully over at Minori. She’d seen a lot of sides of her groupmate since they started practising together— she’d seen Minori discouraged after countless rejections, worn out from a long day of rehearsal, but never quite so desolate. She still had a lot of questions, but she didn’t want to humiliate Minori any further, so she’d do her own research, make sure she knew exactly what to do next time. Minori seemed alright, but Haruka wasn’t quite sure, and the lack of enthusiastic sparkle in her grey eyes was unnerving. She sort of hated seeing Minori sad, she realised. An ache radiated through her body, begging her to do whatever she could to bring back Minori’s smile.
“Can I give you a hug?” Haruka asked gently, hoping Minori wouldn’t assume she was only offering out of pity. She was, sort of, but she also just wanted to cheer Minori up a bit, to relieve some of the misery in her eyes. And Minori fit so nicely in her arms, her head tucked into the curve of Haruka’s neck, warm against her chest… You’re getting off-topic.
“Yeah,” Minori mumbled, sighing weakly. Haruka scooched up to her and leaned against the wall beside her, opening her arms, and slowly, Minori crawled in, leaning into Haruka’s chest and lying her head on Haruka’s shoulder, splaying her legs out in front of them while her feet continued to twitch.
“I’m proud of you,” Haruka murmured, wrapping one arm around Minori’s chest and running the other through the ends of Minori’s hair. “And you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“Okay,” Minori said quietly, closing her eyes. “Thank you.” She was too tired to suppress anything, so even though she was almost positive it would ruin the moment, she did nothing about the little chirping sounds coming from her throat. Thankfully, Haruka didn’t seem to mind. Haruka was so nice. Nobody had ever treated her like this before. She sighed. Haruka was talented, and pretty, and kind, and smelled so good… was there anything she couldn’t do? Ugh. Haruka was perfect. How was anyone else supposed to compete with her?
“Let’s just stay here, okay?” Haruka asked. Airi and Shizuku would be waiting, but that was alright. Haruka didn’t really care about rehearsal or the lecture she was sure to get from the other girls later— everything could be explained in due time. She didn’t really care to worry about it. Right now, all she wanted to do was rest with Minori, breathing in time with her and letting the rest of the world sort of fall away. “I’ve got you.”
“Okay,” Minori said again, letting herself fully lean into Haruka’s touch. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to let someone help her? A small smile spread across her face, and Haruka grinned upon seeing it, holding Minori tighter. Mission accomplished.