Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This book is going to be very OC because I neither read the manga nor watched the anime but I watched a lot of reaction videos and saw few Bungou Stay Dogs books reacting so I made one

P.S I am a fan of Soukoku so this book is going to have a lot of that shipp. I also like Shin soukoku but to a lesser extent

Let us begin

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(I just looked up all the names and they are written like this. This is the first name and then the last name⬇)

Osamu Dazai, Chuuya Nakahara, Doppo Kunikida, Ryūnosuke Akutagawa, Gin Akutagawa, Atsushi Nakajima, Akiko Yosano, Ranpo Edogawa, Ryūrō Hirotsu, Yukichi Fukuzawa, Kouyou Ozaki, Mori Ōgai appeared in a room.

Well people are going to react to things-Me

Who are you? -Kunikida

Where the hell are we? -Chuuya

How did we get here? -Ranpo

WATTPAD MAGIC-Me

Magic of what? -Atsushi

Wattpad is an application to read and write in my world-Me

Since I am the all-powerful writer who has the power of the script at her side and I get really bored, so I brought you here to react to different photos-Me

...-All

Well start reacting, the sooner you start the sooner it will end-Me

...-All

Great, I'm going to sit you down-Me

Seats or couples, I don't even know how the hell they are placed: v

Osamu Dazai and Chuuya Nakahara

Doppo Kunikida, Ryūrō Hirotsu

Ryūnosuke Akutagawa, Gin Akutagawa and Atsushi Nakajima

Akiko Yosano and Ranpo Edogawa

Yukichi Fukuzawa, Kouyou Ozaki and Mori Ōgai

Chapter Text

Let's start-Me

What the fuck is that!!! -Chuuya

Oops this wasn't-Me

Everyone looks at her

Don't look at me, I want spontaneous affection, not when I'm bad, I thought the phrase suited Dazai-Me

I think Odasaku was the only one who saw him as a person who grew up in a shitty place and that's why he was like that. He saw him as a human being, not a demon or just an incredible ability, but as a child who needed a safe place to feel things. Odasaku often let him sleep at his house on his bad days and I guess he was like the father that Mori never was but after his death no one gave a damn, the Mafia only wanted him for his ability and the Agency may have he wants it but they don't even know his true personality-Me

Kenji appears thanks to the power of imagination and goes to give Dazai a hug

"You looked sad," Kenji says after hugging the suicidal maniac.

Dazai looks at him a little perplexed but gives him a small sincere smile. "Thank you Kenji."

Kenji goes back to the agency or wherever he was.

Do I make you feel alive? -Chuuya

No-Dazai looked the other way

Soukoku cannon👍-Ranpo

Soukoku my religion🍿🛐-Yosano

Amen-Me

...-Dazai

Oh so you notice my brother ?-Gin

I always told Ryū that he is strong-Dazai

I just needed to get stronger so I could be in the mafia-Akutawaga

Translation: "Dazai" "Sit well" "I'll be in front" "go to sleep if there's someone next to you, I'm worried"-chuuya "I'll go" "good night chuuya"-dazai

AWWWW-Yosano and Kouyou

How cute Chuuya-Atsushi and Akutagawa

I wish I had a boyfriend like that-Gin

Because you're his boyfriend Chuuya obviously we're going to put you, he wouldn't come for anyone else-Hirotsu

Serious bandages?-Yosano

He once appeared in a Mafia supermarket just because they sold extra soft bandages-Kouyou

They were four layers of softness, I had to get them-Dazai

Awww they both miss each other and are too stubborn to say it, they remind me of me and Ryu-Atsushi

We have improved in communication you know-Chuuya

Chapter Text

Sad things are coming so prepare yourselves-Me

Dazai is a little scared, isn't he? -Atsushi

Umm-Ranpo

When did that happen? -Kunikida

Why are they talking about his blood? -Chuuya

A year after he started at the ADA I think-Me

"You misled them, didn't you?" Ranpo asked Dazai.

Yes, I managed to reach some alleys and get rid of them-Dazai

Good-Yosano

Next image-Me

Mori fucking the children like always-Yosano

What kind of training did you do? -Chuuya asks him under his breath.

"You don't want to know," Dazai whispered back.

Chuuya just looked at him worried.

Double suicide ?-Dazai

Dazai no-Chuuya

Together until death apparently-Kouyou

I've never seen Dazai cry-Atsushi

Why is he crying? -Akutagawa

He looks young while he cries - Kunikida

What happened? -Yosano

I do not know-Me

Dazai?-Chuuya

I don't remember, honestly-Dazai

His gaze looks so dead and worried at the same time-Kouyou

What happened to me? -Chuuya

No idea-Me

I love how everyone is like Live and Dazai is like let me die-Me

"Thank you for being there." Dazai leaned on Chuuya's shoulder.

Always partner-Chuuya kissed Dazai's head

Why were you standing in the rain? -Yosano

Dazai shrugged.

That's a sly smile-Ranpo

Yes, it is-Dazai smiled in Chuuya's lap.

You knew i was coming right-Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

Yes, kill him, DIE SON OF A BITCH. BURN IN HELL-Yosano

Chapter Text

To raise the mood we return to things-Me

Why did you make us do that Dazai? -Atsushi

To contribute to the shipping and because you didn't stop fighting-Dazai

Kenji why? - Chuuya

"I wanted to see if I could" Kenji shrugged.

Chuuya why? -Kouyou

We challenge him-Dazai and Ranpo

*facepalm*-Fukuzawa and Kouyou

Dazai, what the fuck? -Kunikida

Hahahahaha that day we were screwed hahahahaha-Dazai

They were both drugged-Chuuya

Who gave drugs to Dazai? -Fukutazawa

The one who had an illegal casino-Me

Sigma?-Ranpo

Yes that-Me

What kind of people did I hire? -Fukuzawa begins to question all the decisions in his life

Ranpo and Dazai convinced me-Atsushi

It was fun-Dazai and Ranpo

These assholes-Yosano and Kunikida

You see Kunikida, it's not that I don't work, it's that it's hard for me to concentrate-Dazai

You're lazy that's what you are-Kunikida

In the Mafia Dazai always finished his work -Hirotsu

Because your office was quiet-Dazai

We have to have tea someday-Hirotsu

"Or yes, I tried one the other day with Lavender and it works wonders." Dazai smiled at "his grandfather."

Stop calling me short-Chuuya slaps he in the face

Ouch, chibi- he rubs the back of his head while he pouts

"And you're a slug." Dazai sticks out his tongue.

What did you say mackerel!-Chuuya

You're not going to grow up-Dazai

Oh you'll see-Chuuya gets up to hit Dazai

No violence in my living room-Me

I don't want to pay walls-Me

She separates them by throwing a shoe at each of them.

Chapter Text

Credits to dibu_draws_ creator of the beautiful images-Me

In this world you have exchanged abilitys-Me

Atsushi with Rashomon-Yo

He looks furious-Dazai

Now our Atsushi is not calm-Ranpo

Akutagawa with Beast under the moonlight-Yo

Has a snout-Gin

He looks fierce👀👍-Dazai

Chuuya with No Longer Human-Me

Why are you crying? -Kouyou

Can't reach Dazai I guess-Me

Dazai with For the Tainted Sorrow-Me

He looks a little crazy-Fukuzawa

The picture 🛐🛐🛐-Me

🛐🛐🛐🛐-Me

Both crying👌👍-Yosano

Good way to stop corruption👀👍-Kouyou

Beautiful image❤-Me

Chapter Text

Things from Bungou Stray Dogs-Me

Hahahahaha it was so much fun-Ranpo

Dazai and Ranpo high-fived

Fukuzawa shook his head.

Oh my God-Mori considered retiring to the Bahamas

All beautiful and then Dazai kill me mode-Yosano

Beautiful we came out-Chuuya

Everyone in the front of the couch and then Akutagawa like I go the other way because I'm divo-Gin

Beautiful🛐❤👄❤🛐-Chuuya and Akutagawa

Beautiful my children-Fukuzawa

Apparently they can look elegant-Kunikida

Kings-Yosano

So elegant-Kouyou

Kunikida is questioning his entire life-Ranpo

Dazai looks like he's going to cry-Akutagawa

It's just that I had to pay - Dazai cries dramatically

Nice photo-Kouyou

What a beautiful family-Me

The whole Agency smiled

Ranpo and Elise with the plates to be the first to eat-Dazai laughs a little

Whose birthday was it? -Hirotsu

From Soukoku I think-Kouyou

Kunikida and Akutaga have funny poses in the background-Atsushi

How beautiful my children-Think Mori and Fukuzawa

How pretty they all are-Kouyo

So cute-Hirotsu

How cute-Elise

Hello Elise-Dazai greetings to the ability

Hey-Elise

Ranpo almost killed himself-Dazai

Dazai has an air of I'm a pro-Elise

Obvious-Dazai

We are incredible-Atsushi

How beautiful we came out-Yosano

10/10-Kouyou

The looks of soukoku 🛐🛐🛐🛐-Yosano

What a great festival-Atsushi

We look Beautiful-Dazai

10/10-Akutagawa

You highly dislike Kunikida-Fukuzawa

Hahahahaha yes-Dazai

Dazai didn't bring a gift and it was the camera-Atsushi

Atsushi!!! My own subordinate betraying me - Dazai gasps dramatically

Stop complaining - Kunikida slaps him

Wow-Dazai

Nice image-Yosano

10/10-The people of the Mafia

10/10-Those from the Agency

Chapter Text

I love Dazai being good with children so the photos are going to be of Q and Akutagawa-Yo

How cute-Atsushi

So cute my brother-Gin

Akutagawa's dream came true - Elise

Awww-Chuuya

Dazai like touch it and I'll kill you-Hirotsu

Thank you Dazai-Akutagawa

Dazai ruffled his hair lovingly

Oh yes, Akutagawa helped me with the move-Dazai

Where were you moving to? -Fukuzawa

To my apartment-Chuuya

Why do you live with someone from the Mafia? -Kunikida

Because he's his boyfriend obviously-Ranpo

So that he doesn't die under a bridge-Chuuya

"You love me" Dazai whispered.

Maybe-Whisper back Chuuya

He looks like I'm going to kill you if you look at him wrong-Kouyou

It's true-Dazai

Akutagawa smiled a little.

Gin smiled happily for his brother.

Clean yourself filthy-Atsushi

Look Who's Talking Tiger Man-Akutagawa

Dazai is trying so hard - Kunikida

They look cute-All of them

"They look like normal people walking around" Chuuya said surprised.

We look amazing-Dazai

The Akutagawa brothers nod.

When was that? -Chuuya

One day we had free and I took them shopping-Dazai

And you didn't take me with you? -Chuuya

You were in Paris Chuuya-Dazai

A-Chuuya

Awwwww-Kouyou

Oh my precious little brother-Dazai

Why are you with him? -Atsushi

Because it's wonderful-Dazai

They look alike - Fukuzawa

You have the face of a dead mackerel-Chuuya

I wonder why? -Dazai looks at Mori intently

Awwwwww-Kouyou

So cute-Yosano

I didn't know you could be good with children-Kunikida

One of my hidden talents-Dazai

10 out of 10-Rank

It looks good on them-Kouyou

I like it-Hirotsu

Dazai!-Q ran into Dazai's arms and he quickly caught him

"How is the most beautiful boy in the world?" Dazai said as he made them spin around making them both laugh.

Everyone looks at the scene strangely.

So cute-Yosano

They are like brothers-Kouyou

We are brothers-Dazai and Q shouted

What? -Chuuya

I adopted him legally when I was 18-Dazai

That reminds me, how the Mafia treats you, little brother - Dazai asks, genuinely curious.

There are great people like Hirotsu who let me stay in his office while he does paperwork-Q

Dazai smiles happily - Yes it's him, you have to try the pasta hidden from him on the shelf, they're delicious.

Don't pay attention to your brother. Don't steal pasta like him, just asks for it-Hirotsu

It's okay grandpa-Q smiles at him

And how about old Mori, does he treat you well? -Dazai

At first he put me in the basement but playing with Elise made it better-Q

The Mafia looked at his boss in confusion, why he locks children in the basements?.

"I'll be sure to remind him that he can't lock little children in basements later." Dazai smiled, promising Mori a lot of pain.

Do you want me to accompany you? -Yosano

Sure-Dazai

They both smiled sinisterly.

Chuuya bursts out laughing-hahahahahahaha you are very handsome mackerel hahahahahaha

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvN8dHM/

That's what happens to you for not eating vegetables-Dazai

You don't eat them either-Q

Yeah but I'm an adult-Dazai

Oh I remember that we were thinking about how to redecorate his doll-Dazai

We should give him hair-Q

Dazai nods thoughtfully.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYu677PV/

I'm the best big brother in the world-Dazai

Non-Kunikida

Yes-Q

Now that I realize why I cleaned your basement when I didn't even clean my shipping container? - Dazai

Because you like to clean and the container was ugly-Chuuya

Ah yes it's true-Dazai

How good we look-Dazai

Yes-Q

Why are you crying little one? - Dazai
Bad dream I think-Q
They suck-Dazai
Yes-Q

Chapter Text

Today it's memes, enjoy-Me

If it weren't for the fact that I grabbed him, he would go and kill him-Hirotsu

This jealousy hurts him, it drives him crazy-Ranpo

Damn stupid shit - Dazai was going to go kill the asshole

Still stop-Chuuya grabbed him to prevent bloodshed.

Not if you're stupid-Mori

If you want to die, kill yourself, why put innocent people in? -Chuuya

I tried and it didn't work-Dazai

I love Kenji-Yo

Up gay shipping-Yosano

Up-Ranpo

So true-Kouyou

Awww you love me-Dazai leaned on Chuuya

“Get off you bastard” Chuuya pushed him.

How cute-Hirotsu

Bro-Dazai

Bro-Ranpo

They hug

Their friendship scares me and at the same time I love it-Yosano

Same-All

And in the end they hired me-Dazai

...-Todos

True-Dazai

In the end you didn't give me the advice-Atsushi

Give him figs, he loves them-Dazai

Figs ?-Atsushi

"Yes, and something for the cough." Dazai smiled at his subordinate.

Okay-Atsushi

YOU LIVE TOGETHER-Kouyou

Not-Chuuya sweats nervously

Dazai hugs Chuuya and rubs his head against his chest-So perfect

Awwwwwwwwwwww-Yosano

How cute-Ranpo

They are so cute-Me

Chapter Text

Let's start by reacting to Dazai-Me

That's a lot of bottles of alcohol - Kunikida

Dazai you shouldn't drink so much-Hirotsu

I don't drink that much-Dazai

You drink 20 bottles on one of your bad days-Ranpo

Let's control your drink-Yosano

Dazai shrugged

The change is noticeable-Hirotsu

It looks a little brighter-Kouyou

I like the contrast-Gin

10/10-Kouyou, Atsushi and Akutawaga

Why didn't you become a model? -Yosano

Because they don't hire blindfolded people - Dazai

That means you tried-Chuuya

I did a few jobs here and there before joining the Agency-Dazai

Dazai no-Mori

Dazai yes-Dazai

Dazai no-Yosano

Dazai maybe-Dazai

Dazai no-Chuuya

Dazai no-Dazai

Sensual and mysterious-Chuuya

The look 😩😩😩-Yosano

...-All

"Are you okay?" Yosano and Ranpo whispered.

Dazai shrugged. "Most days"

So cute and adorable-Chuuya spreads his arms and makes the gimme gimme gesture with stars in his eyes

Dazai is dying of tenderness for his chibi

AWWWWWW-All

I've never seen him really smile-Ranpo

He's so cute-Yo

Most nod

That's going to be my new wallpaper-Chuuya

Beautiful image-Kouyou

Yosano nods in agreement

A 10 for the photographer-Yosano

I don't remember taking that photo-Dazai

You didn't do it, Ranpo did it-I

Chapter Text

Awww beautiful my baby-Kouyou

So cute my boyfriend-Dazai

Where the hell did they get that from? -Chuuya

Internet-Me

Even sleeping is cute-Hirotsu

Everyone agrees

Beautiful first view of the morning-Dazai

Kenji and Chuuya's friendship🛐🛐🛐🛐-Me

Chuuya, what kind of theories do you have in your mind-Kouyou

I didn't know it was an ability when I came across it-Chuuya

Sad but cute at the same time-Hirotsu

Do you even know what cute is old man-Dazai

Chuuya is cute and respects this old man-Hirotsu

How is Dazai the passive one? -Atsushi

How do you know what that means? -Kunikida

Hmm, how do you know what it means? -Atsushi

That means that Chuuya dominates you in bed-Yosano

Yosano-Dazai watches mortified as her friend laughs at him.

It seems that it is the only place where he dominates him-Ranpo

They both laugh at a mortified Chuuya and Dazai.

When your bottom is higher than you-Kouyou

Next image please-Akutagawa says when he sees how mortified his superiors are.

No quieres volver a la mafia Dazai ?-Mori

Prefiero morir dolorosamente-Dazai

Translation: How could I give this ring to chibi?"-dazai
"me?"-chuuya

Were you listening? - Dazai

No-Chuuya totally lying

Did you get married? -Kunikida

Did you propose? -Yosano

Did you get married? -Kouyou

Eh-Both

Moving on-Me

Wait, we can't leave this like this-Akutagawa

You will find out later-Me

Chuuya looking at his little self with a face like I have to protect this living being and Dazai looks at his little self with a face like I'm going to cut your fucking throat-Hirotsu

...-All

Chapter Text

This time you will react to the famous double black-Me

Chuuya, what have I told you about sitting on buildings? -Kouyou

Don't do it because it could kill me-Chuuya

Very cool-Ranpo

So cool-Atsushi

I hope I find someone who looks at you like Dazai looks at Chuuya-Yosano

Speak for you, I have Poe-Ranpo

They look so good-Atsushi

What pros are we-Dazai

We are great-Chuuya

The explosion gives them a touch-Akutagawa

They look so confident-Kunikida

They destroyed an organization in one day, of course they are confident -Hirotsu

The entire Agency looks at them surprised

Only a diamond can polish another diamond-Mori

10/10-All

Awww-Elise

How cute-Kouyou

What were you doing there? -Hirotsu

We were heading somewhere-Chuuya

Awwwww-The girls

He wasn't talking about the view-Ranpo smiles like a guy happy for his colleague.

Dazai in those moments ❤👄❤-Hirotsu

Chapter Text

Today we will react to my favorite shipp the Soukoku-Yo

Run bitch run-Yosano

Run, the mother-in-law will kill you-Ranpo

So this is why Chuuya was missing that day, and that's why Kouyou was so angry-Mori

Chuuya is having a great time-Akutagawa

Damn Kunikida almost didn't let me go out-Chuuya

We were during work hours-Kunikida

Not even Dazai was going to do his job -Yosano

Atsushi seems to have expected it-Ranpo

I just heard it with my tiger senses-Atsushi

Dazai looks happy-Akutagawa

They are so cute-Yosano

Awwwwww-Atsushi

I didn't know Dazai could say such nice things-Akutagawa

Chuuya hides his blush in his hat

awwwwwwww-Atsushi

So cute-Akutagawa

How sweet-Kouyou

10/10-All

🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐💖💖💖💖-All

Beautiful image-Me

Umm-All

My babies are beautiful-Kouyou and Hirotsu

How cute-Atsushi

It describes their relationship so well over the years-Hirotsu

True-Kouyou

Chuuya looks tall in that-Dazai

Shut up light post-Chuuya

Awwwwwwww-Everyone

So cute-Kouyou

How adorable-Yosano

Dazai kitten-Atsushi

Chapter Text

The soukoku being protective of each other-Me

I remember that if you got hurt on a mission Dazai wouldn't let anyone get close to you, only the nurses-Mori

Seriously? -Chuuya

Oh yeah, he almost took my hand off once I tried to help him get you into the car-Hirotsu

It seems that protection goes both ways-Mori

Awwww they are so cute-Yosano

Those two were adorable when they were little-Kouyo

Yosano and Kouyo started exchanging photos of the soukoku as children

Translation:

"Chuuya, The fact that I live....
In your opinion, is that so important?
Chuuya"

"......"

"Chuuya
Don't keep sleeping"

Kill them Dazai kill them, damn people-Yosano

Is Chuuya okay? -Atsushi

Don't worry Jinko, I recovered a week later-Chuuya

Atsushi sighs in relief.

Dazai went into mode I'm going to kill anyone who gets in my way-Me

Chuuya looks surprised-Akutagawa

Surely he didn't expect Dazai to protect him-Hirotsu

Why is he missing a shoe? -Ranpo

Why is he so small? -Kouyou

How does he wear Chuuya's hat? -Akutagawa

Oh that was on a mission, they had a user that turned people into children-Chuuya

And how did he hit Dazai? -Gin

I don't know, one moment he was 16 years old and the next he had become a 12-year-old boy-Chuuya

You were adorable-Yosano

And where was the shoe? -Atsushi

He lost it while we were running-Chuuya

Wait, are you married? -Kunikida

It was for a Mafia mission-Chuuya

Dazai's face when looking at Chuuya is "Stop looking at my husband" -Yosano

Looks so concentrated-Ranpo

Is anyone else a fan of Dazai with weapons? Or is it just me-Me

Me-Yosano

Dazai looks like I'm going to kill you in five seconds if you come close -Hirotsu

Fukuzawa nodded.

I thought you left me there and that one of my subordinates found me-Chuuya

And let someone else carry my dog-Dazai

Stop calling me your dog-Chuuya

When did that happen? -Fukuzawa

The other week-Yosano

Chapter Text

Let's react to Ranpo and Dazai because their friendship is terrifyingly cool-Yo

What a great day-Ranpo

Yes true-Dazai

What have I told you about jumping off cliffs? Chuuya hits him on the head.

Don't let me do it unless you're under it - Dazai rubs his bump

Dazai, Ranpo please don't jump off cliffs-Fukuzawa

We are sorry president-Both bow

Yes we are-Chuuya, Dazai, Ranpo and Poe

Cute-Yosano

They are the definition of they look cute but they have all your dirty laundry-Akutagawa

Yes we are-Ranpo and Dazai

What was Ranpo doing? -Kunikida

Nothing-Ranpo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFGsJJau/

Yes we are-Dazai and Ranpo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFGpnKuY/

That's why I love Ranpo more-Dazai

Chapter Text

https://www.tiktok.com/@simpde_chuuya/video/7149356359736184070?_r=1&_t=8WuXRa2NjwU&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7149356359736184070

You live in the backwoods-Dazai

It's not that far-Kenji

It is 5 days by car-Ranpo

Dazai literally asked a cow since there was no one around - Atsushi

https://www.tiktok.com/@simpde_chuuya/video/7045806014469360901?_t=8WuXX6sinDR&_r=1

Really Dazai? -Kunikida

It's your fault for not giving me a book-Dazai

Did we really accept that they had a date? -Kouyou

Yes I can attest to that-Atsushi

Free day and with the chibi-Dazai

Chuuya just sighs

https://www.tiktok.com/@simpde_chuuya/video/7101804529384983813?_r=1&_t=8WuXYnzegas&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7101804529384983813

Chuuya no-Dazai hugs him from behind

https://www.tiktok.com/@darxk_edits/video/7151303205798874369?_r=1&_t=8Wv4bmlnIjm&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7151303205798874369

Wait, you put a bomb in my car to raise my suspicions-Chuuya

I couldn't let them call my dog a traitor-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@simpde_chuuya/video/7080300697090149637?_r=1&_t=8WuXZLpLj4n&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7080300697090149637

Oh my precious children-Dazai hugs Akutagawa and Atsushi

https://www.tiktok.com/@strexxed.vylxd/video/7117741239809740078?_r=1&_t=8WubGpx5C90&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7117741239809740078

Are you married? -Akutagawa and Kouyou

Ehh-Soukoku

"You proposed?" Yosano looks at Dazai in disbelief.

Dazai just smiled at him.

https://www.tiktok.com/@hatetanizaki/video/7152911021903220014?_r=1&_t=8WubYNF0I6w&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7152911021903220014

How is Chuuya so oblivious that even Dazai can have time to think and express his feelings? -Hirotsu

Therapy and blood does not reach the brain-Dazai

Chuuya hit him for being an idiot

https://www.tiktok.com/@babbycry.s/video/7118112204653694214?_r=1&_t=8WubrNFAkic&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7118112204653694214

You always want to die-Chuuya

Yes, but a world without Chuuya is worse than my existence-Dazai

"Stop saying corny things with a serious face." Chuuya started shouting and Dazai just laughed.

So cute-Kouyou

They are adorable-Yosano

https://www.tiktok.com/@ironystrikes/video/7053621396622216494?_r=1&_t=8WucK7oPsBC&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7053621396622216494

Damn fucking rat-Dazai

What happened to Chuuya? -Kouyou

Fyodor turned him into a vampire-Me

...-All

But everything ended well-Me

https://www.tiktok.com/@cxmilleackerman/video/7096557423841922309?_r=1&_t=8WudexOZpNV&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7096557423841922309

What a great representation of their relationship-Hirotsu.

Everyone agreed

https://www.tiktok.com/@chuuyagin/video/7137029499664846085?_r=1&_t=8WubggZkfBu&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7137029499664846085

Do you have a daughter? -Kunikida

Do you know how many children we have? -Chuuya

Atsushi, Akutagawa and Gin are like older siblings, Aya is the youngest, Q is a middle sister/daughter and Izumi is Atsushi's legally little sister-Dazai

Did you adopt Izumi? -Kunikida

Oh yes it's been a while-Atsushi

https://www.tiktok.com/@cxmilleackerman/video/7081712790645247237?_r=1&_t=8WudzuPpTzJ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7081712790645247237

So you are married - Hirotsu

You literally officiated the wedding-Dazai

WHAT? -All

Why didn't you invite me? -Kouyou

Or me-Akutagawa and Gin

I wanted to bring the flowers-Atsushi

I wanted cake-Ranpo

And I the wine-Yosano

When we got married we didn't even know you-Dazai

Plus it was the day before Dazai left the mafia, he clearly wasn't going to invite a bunch of people who would accuse me of being a traitor the next day-Chuuya

Being married to him doesn't make you a traitor too Chuuya-Mori smiled sinisterly at him.

I may be loyal to Port Mafia but I stopped being loyal to you from the moment you harmed my husband-Chuuya smiled at him saying I will kill you slowly and painfully if you make a wrong move.

*The tension is felt*

Cough

We better rest a little and then continue-Me

Chapter Text

This time you are going to react to comics-Yo

Yosano what?-Ranpo

It seems that in that world Mori took Yosano and Fukuzawa couldn't save her-Yo

It seems that in the end they saved themselves anyway-Chuuya

I'm glad Yosano and Dazai were saved in the end-Atsushi

I'm glad no one died-Dazai

Awwwwwwwwwwww-Yosano and Atsushi

That was very sweet of you Dazai-Kouyou

I can be sweet-Dazai

Very occasionally-Chuuya

Only when my chibi needs it-Dazai hugs Chuuya

That was so nice-Atsushi cries a little just like the author because it's beautiful 🤧🤧🤧🤧

Did he even have medical attention for some of those scars? -Yosano said clenching her fists, she didn't like that his friend didn't have decent medical attention.

Dazai was hugging Chuuya hiding from the world

"You are beautiful, okay, the scars only show that you have survived hell" Chuuya said to Dazai as he caressed his back and kissed his cheek.

Chapter Text

I didn't find many images of these three but I love their friendship-Me

They look happy-Kouyou

I can't say the same about Atsushi-Ranpo.

Those two are scary-Atsushi

If it seems that he has not abused children-Fukuzawa

Or yes it was one of those days where it seems normal-Yosano

I remember that I was very tired that day and I didn't have the energy to interact with Mori-Dazai

How cute-Higuchi

They seem happy-Akutagawa

It's almost impossible to be sad with Kenji-Atsushi

Dazai looks like these people weigh a lot -Hirotsu

I had to take them up to the third floor😞✋-Dazai

Chuuya:Mio-Kouyou

Mio-Chuuya hugs Dazai possessively

Chuuya you can't buy a helicopter-Kouyou

Late because I already did it-Chuuya

Dazai snickers.

I also want to dance with Chuuya floating-Akutagawa

Next time we'll take you-Chuuya

They look like a family-Kouyou

When did you have that picnic? -Kunikida

A month or so ago-Atsushi

My favorite trio-Me

We are fantastic-Yosano, Dazai and Ranpo

That trio is scary and scary at the same time-Hirotsu

Hahaha yes it was like that-Dazai

You guys are crazy-Kunikida

Obviously we are children of Fukuzawa and Mori-Dazai, Yosano and Ranpo

Chapter Text

We're back with the memes-Me

Translation:
When you take Dazai out of the river: I saved your life
But he was committing suicide: You didn't save my life, you ruined my death

Muy cierto-Dazai

That day I lost my ears-Dazai

Good lungs-Chuuya

Thanks-Atsushi

And I'm still here - Dazai cries suicidally that he can't commit suicide

What a great tragedy-Chuuya pats Dazai while he smiles in happy chibi

Translation:
When you don't like alcohol but you still want to be at the party

The tomatoes are very good-Kenji

Atsushi with his orange juice-Hirotsu

Healthy as an apple 😌👍-Atsushi

Yesssss-Dazai

Their relationship is very strange-Fukuzawa

We know-Dazai and Chuuya

I can relate-Dazai

Stop your self-destructive thoughts-Chuuya

I couldn't even turn them off like a switch-Dazai

It's called having ✨medical traumas✨-Dazai

That's why you avoid the hospital like the plague-Chuuya

You are not better-Dazai

Translation:
When you are arrested but nothing stops you from continuing to cause tremendous chaos with your friend the mummies

Let's blow up that prison😗💥-Dazai

I'm scared😨-Everyone

Chapter Text

Nice and beautiful photos that I have found-Me

Processing-Dazai

You can say things about everyone but when they say it to you you block - Chuuya

Chuuuuuya you can't just say nice things like that-Dazai

Why not? -Chuuya grabbed Dazai's face and made him look at him

You are the most beautiful sight I have ever seen and I will always trust you with my life, I know you will always be there to get me out of corruption-Chuuya tell him directly making eye contact

Dazai:

Chuuya kissed him because his blushing husband was very cute

🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐-Chuuya

So handsome-Yosano

My friend is beautiful-Ranpo

Awwwwwwww-Everyone

So cute as a child-Fukuzawa

I want to hug him and hide him from the world-Atsushi

I can't believe you didn't tell me about the wedding-Kouyo

X2-Yosano

Dazai happy to be married and Chuuya happy for Dazai 👍👍👍🛐🛐-Ranpo

Chuuya with nosebleed

Mine-Chuuya picked up Dazai and took him to the room to do you know what

Chapter Text

*new trauma unlocked*-Atsushi

Wow-Port Mafia

How strong is it? -Thinks Kunikida

Is this how I look? -Chuuya asks

Eh well... A little-Says Dazai

Chuuya is a little scared and a little impressed

He looks like a god-Kouyou

He is a god-Dazai

Wow-Chuuya

How much red-Kouyou

It seems out of control-Atsushi

I am-Chuuya

It's scary but the photo is incredible-Akutagawa

Why am I controlling Chuuya? -Q

Mori ordered it I think-Me

And why do I order it? -Dazai said, worried when he saw the redhead like that.

I do not know-Me

It stopped right? - Dazai

Yes but he was in a coma for three weeks-Me

Dazai and Chuuya looked at each other worried.

Chapter Text

Translation: "I told you to get the information by any means, but..." "I'm not asking you to play a humble whore" "The body bargain destroys the body" "Never do this again" "well?"

Thank goodness he doesn't turn his gangsters into prostitutes - Fukuzawa

What the fuck? -Chuuya

Dazai ?-Atsushi

Let's say I wasn't in a good mood-Dazai rubs his neck.

You sold yourself for information!!!-Akutagawa

Once upon a time-Dazai

Fuck-Yosano

I hope you never do it again-Ranpo

I wasn't planning on doing it-Dazai

Fuck-Yosano

Everyone looks horrified and sad.

I don't feel well-Atsushi

A trash can appears next to Atsushi where he begins to vomit.

"Thank you," he says, still vomiting from the trash can.

Tell me you don't do it anymore-Kouyou

I avoid it honestly, or I do other less harmful things-Dazai

Chuuya kisses his arms and forehead in gratitude.

Now they are going to see Dazai tied up-Me

Why? -Fukuzawa

Because I found it online-Me

He seems very calm-Hirotsu

They kidnapped him? -Kunikida

Or are they going to fuck him? -Ranpo

Who knows-Me

He looks like I'm going to kill you all when I get out of here-Kouyou

I did it-Dazai

The Agency looks at it

What's done in the Mafia stays in the Mafia - Dazai shrugs his shoulders

Translation: "I was so close to my dream, but then the yellow-haired boy came"

Or those sons of bitches didn't let me die-Dazai

What the fuck-Akutagawa

They had a person who could heal the wounds, so they tortured me without killing me, then they healed me and tortured me again-Dazai shrugged his shoulders again.

And he says it so calmly-Kunikida

Do we hit them? -Hirotsu

Chuuya crushed their skull-Dazai

Kouyou and Hirotsu smiled proudly.

Google doesn't translate for me 😞✋🏻

Why do they kidnap you so much? -Chuuya

Maybe because I have everyone's dirty laundry-Dazai

True-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFtRtEtq/

The truth is, I do hear it-Chuuya

Who kidnapped him? -Hirotsu

Fyodor-Me

Mori and Fukuzawa were left thinking.

Well the following images will be prettier-Me

Translation:
"Bye chuuya" I'll save him after this, so it's okay. You can do it, dazai. Just a little more. You planned this. 

You better save him asshole-Yo

I wouldn't let my husband die-Dazai

Nice scars - Chuuya rubs his thumb on Dazai's hand

How kind-Kouyou

Dazai rested his head on Chuuya's chest.

Thank you for being my reason for living-Dazai

Chuuya kissed the top of Dazai's head-Thank you for not dying

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7pskF4/

I have 0 doubts that this happened-Everyone

Chapter Text

My peach-Dazai

You love that peach more than me-Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

He's cute-Kouyou

So adorable-Atsushi

The image is so beautiful-Yosano

It's beautiful-Kouyou

Awwww they are adorable-Atsushi

How cute-Yosano

The wise kitsune Dazai-Ranpo

Wow-Fukuzawa

You look like a dog after waiting for his master all day - Chuuya

Shut up dwarf-Dazai

So powerful-Mori

Awww-Atsushi

So cute-Gin

I must admit they are cute-Chuuya

Don't use my dungeons for smooching-Mori

The looks😩🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐-Ranpo

Chapter Text

...-Me

Better let's start with the images-Me

How cute-Mori

Hey that's MY dog-Dazai

Fuck you-Fyodor

*Kunikida and Atsushi stopped Dazai from hitting Fyodor*

I'm not a dog-Chuuya

Chuuya is cute your not-Dazai

🖕-Fyodor

🖕-Dazai

hahahaha I love it-I

Chapter Text

High style👍-Yosano

How cute-Kouyou

Awwww-Atsushi

Chuuya eat tonight🌚-Ranpo

🥵🥵🥵🤤🤤🤤-Chuuya

😳😳😳-Dazai

Uy Chuuya-Ranpo

*hits him with a newspaper* What did I say about eating Dazai at work-Kouyou

Auch-Chuuya rubs the blow

Pretty handcuffs🌝-Ranpo

(○｀д')ﾉｼSTOP!-Dazai

ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ-Ranpo

🤭😚😵😵-Chuuya

Mine all mine-Chuuya

Where did I get the tray from 🤨? - Dazai

Is that the only thing that matters to you? 😑-Kunikida

I have maid outfits at home but not a tray-Dazai

😐👍-Kunikida

Can I mount it against the wall? -Chuuya

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

I don't want cum on my walls-Me

It wouldn't be in your walls 😏🫦🔥-Chuuya

Cute-Kouyou

Damn beautiful-Chuuya

Rich cake-Akutagawa and Gin

He looks happy-Atsushi

Chapter Text

Tik tok because yes-Me

https://www.tiktok.com/@annetta.cosplays/video/7152569580265770245?_r=1&_t=8XuB5q6VXaY&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7152569580265770245

Chuuya takes Dazai by the shoulders

Do you want someone to tell you?!!?!?!?!?!??!-Chuuya

He shakes it as he says

Don't do it-Chuuya

Dazai just smiles and kisses his forehead.

https://www.tiktok.com/@annetta.cosplays/video/7108458150302403846?_r=1&_t=8XuB8f6ULen&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7108458150302403846

Can you see traffic lights in photos? -Kunikida

Yes? - Dazai looks at him strangely.

Great because you are human-Kunikida

According to the internet at least-Mori

Shut Up-Yosano/Dazai/Chuuya/Yo

https://www.tiktok.com/@peerless.cucumber69/video/7166996703453793541?_r=1&_t=8XuBAsESBAk&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7166996703453793541

"You're allowed to cry, honey." Chuuya gently brushed his hair away from his face.

We are all allowed to feel emotions-Yosano rests his hand on his shoulder

https://www.tiktok.com/@aszhikhan/video/7165895679460560134?_r=1&_t=8XuBBydVp01&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7165895679460560134

He didn't show me his face for a month-Chuuya

I was embarrassed okay-Dazai say with red ears

Awwwww-Kyouka

So cute-Kouyou

That's why Dazai hid in my office-Hirotsu

https://www.tiktok.com/@aszhikhan/video/7162491309989661958?_r=1&_t=8XuBD85qt2z&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7162491309989661958

When you realize that you are in love with your ex-partner-Ranpo

And you tell him like someone who doesn't want the thing hahahahahaha-Yosano

https://www.tiktok.com/@aszhikhan/video/7158387925942570245?_r=1&_t=8XuBDvZBT4X&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7158387925942570245

They are so cute-Atsushi

I'm still surprised that Dazai can show and realize that kind of emotions-Kouyou

Therapy works wonders-Dazai

You don't even like to go-Chuuya

I know but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work wonders-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@aszhikhan/video/7151457102341426438?_r=1&_t=8XuBEsKRTOQ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7151457102341426438

I want to hug him and fill him with love-Chuuya

x2-Everyone except Mori

https://www.tiktok.com/@aszhikhan/video/7146899331654651142?_r=1&_t=8XuBGfP0sY2&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7146899331654651142

I have a suicidal mackerel for a husband-Chuuya

I have an emo without eyebrows as a boyfriend-Atsushi

I have a hot and deadly lesbian as a girlfriend-Yosano

I have an adorable writer as a boyfriend-Ranpo

I have a chibi dog :)-Dazai

I have a tiger that likes chazudone-Akutawaga

I have a terrifyingly sexy doctor-Kouyou

I have the best detective in the world-Poe

I have my notebook-Kunikida

I have my cow-Kenji

I have my cat-Fukuzawa

I have health-Hirotsu and Kyoka

Cool I have ships-Me

https://www.tiktok.com/@chuundy/video/7166229523367775494?_r=1&_t=8XuBHX2JfkL&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7166229523367775494

Oh god how beautiful-Kouyou

They are adorable-Yosano

How cute-Atsushi

They look normal-Akutawaga

We look good as students-Chuuya

Yes-Dazai, Hirotsu, Fukuzawa

https://www.tiktok.com/@chuuyasbuttwiper/video/7100972714004942126?_r=1&_t=8XuBIIVaRja&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7100972714004942126

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww-Gin and Atsushi

How cute-Chuuya

Dazai and Akutawaga just smile at the beautiful tik tok

https://www.tiktok.com/@nathyuumm/video/7112416065036029190?_r=1&_t=8XuBJ4p5YBB&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7112416065036029190

What happened to him? - Dazai and Gin

Is he going to be okay? -Atsushi

Everyone looks worried

Don't worry, it's fine, it's just a tik tok, it doesn't really happen-Me

Ugh, thank goodness-Everyone sighed with relief.

I'm glad you're okay Akutawaga-Dazai looked at him with a relieved smile.

We are all happy-Everyone

Thank you for your concern but nothing is going to happen to me-Akutawaga

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFopnfT7/

How beautiful we are-Dazai, Chuuya, Yosano, Kouyou

Chapter Text

Youtube videos-Me

They are so cute-Fukuzawa

Awwwwww-Kouyou

What a beautiful sibling relationship -Atsushi

My kitchen...-Chuuya cries for his burned kitchen

Dazai is scary-Atsushi

Dazai protecting people 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐-Me

Beat his ass bro-Ranpo

(Chuuya, Dazai y Aya)

You are very dramatic-Chuuya

Enjoy the soap opera-Dazai

They are colors-Chuuya

I said enjoy-Dazai

True-Dazai

Chuuya hugs him so he stops feeling sad

LET IT BURN IN HELL-Dazai, Yosano and Q

Everyone smiled and Mori took a step away from the people

You didn't deserve it - Atsushi

You didn't deserve yours either Atsushi, Chuuya and Akutawaga didn't deserve to be put in the mafia but things happen and we can't avoid them-Dazai

...-All

I'm happy to say that I would change it if I could but I can't-Dazai

Oh god-Hirotsu

He was so young-Fukuzawa

"Be yourself, I don't care if you're a pain in the ass, just be yourself," Chuuya whispered to Dazai.

"You're not a monster, honey." Chuuya hugs him tightly.

Definitely-Akutagawa

💓💓💓💓💓💓-Yosano and Kouyou

💖🥰💖🥰💖🥰💖🥰-Soukoku

✨✨🛐✨✨🛐✨🛐✨🛐-Ranpo

Awww you care-Yosano

Obviously I care, he's my husband-Dazai

We know, we heard you talking about him drunk-Ranpo

Chuuya smiled at the red tips of his husband's ears.

And so Dazai flew into space-Atsushi

Legends say that it continues to fly through the extratosphere-Ranpo

They say that if you have a very good ear you can hear him screaming for both of them to put him down-Akutawaga

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-Chuuya and Me

This jealousy drives him crazy-Yosano

Stay away from my husband - Dazai takes out a gun from who knows where and points it at the screen

Don't break my screen!!!-Me

Oh god they are so cute-Atsushi

How adorable-Kouyou and Yosano

😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰-Atsushi, Yosano and Kouyou

How cute you look with children, you don't want to take them🤭-Chuuya whispered

Chuuya😖😳-Dazai

Like father, like son-Ranpo

Don't teach that to our children - Chuuya hits him with a newspaper

But we don't have children-Dazai protects himself with his hands from Chuuya's blows

I love those children-Yosano

Oh god how cute-Everyone

Awwwwww-Dazai

Chuuya smiled happily

Chapter Text

Let's react to the female Soukoku versions-Me 

They look powerful-Fukuzawa

Mori, Kouyou and Hirotsu nodded.

They are-Me

Beautiful-Yosano and Kouyou

Has a cat-Fukuzawa

Change it-Dazai

We want that Chuuya-Kouyou

She's so cute-Dazai and Kouyou

Fucking beautiful-Chuuya

x2-Ranpo

x3-Yosano

x4-Kouyou

x5-Hirotsu

x6-Mori

x7-Dazai

They look happy-Fukuzawa

The hat looks good on you-Chuuya

Your nails look good-Dazai

Dazai with nosebleed

Chuuya with a face redder than his hair

The others: 😏😏😏😏

Divinos-Yosano

What good suits-Ranpo

10/10-Everyone

What elegance from France-Yo

Chapter Text

https://www.tiktok.com/@cxmilleackerman/video/7153705211079560454?_r=1&_t=8XxNcQrskOU&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7153705211079560454

It goes both ways-Me

True, both are there when the other needs it-Kouyou

It's cute-Atsushi

https://www.tiktok.com/@cxmilleackerman/video/7106946848996265222?_r=1&_t=8XxO24dVPLJ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7106946848996265222

Why am I the mother? -Chuuya

Yosano is definitely the sassy aunt-Ranpo

Everyone nodded

I like the idea of being the emo and gay cousin but the emo thing suits Ryu-Atsushi

I'm not emo-Akutawaga

Of course not-Gin says sarcastically.

I have been in prison so I already have one of the requirements -Fyodor

"What a great family," Kunikida says with some fear.

https://www.tiktok.com/@cxmilleackerman/video/7093588003645328646?_r=1&_t=8XxOC1ngNjZ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7093588003645328646

Ryu you don't have to be perfect all the time-Dazai

I know, it took me a while to realize-Akutawaga

https://www.tiktok.com/@mjcosplays/video/7122529619244354859?_r=1&_t=8XxOlTzMVYD&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7122529619244354859

Son of a bitch-Chuuya

Trauma Compi-Yosano and Dazai put on sunglasses that I don't even know where they got them from

https://www.tiktok.com/@strexxed.vylxd/video/7143018763468803371?_r=1&_t=8XxPD7SwduA&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7143018763468803371

Awwwwwww-Everyone

They are so cute-Fukuzawa

https://www.tiktok.com/@latristezamanchada/video/7168531536654896389?_r=1&_t=8XxPRJPkMRa&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7168531536654896389

How cute-Kyouka

Awwww-Kouyou

They are so cute-Yosano

I love you now and forever-Dazai kissed him and Chuuya only returned the kiss happily.

https://www.tiktok.com/@emo.sheep/video/7036392198350343430?_r=1&_t=8XxUrozYi6X&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7036392198350343430

Oh Fyodor is very dead-Ranpo

That's my husband - Dazai hugs him happily

Chuuya just smiled at him.

https://www.tiktok.com/@monsterwuv/video/7125707366380621102?_t=8Y0a1igt0MA&_r=1

Owwww-Dazai

How cute-Kouyou

They are adorable-Ranpo

What a beautiful friendship-Atsushi

I love their friendship-Me

https://www.tiktok.com/@monsterwuv/video/6972043393291537670?_t=8Y0aw4vFjoT&_r=1

Me every day-Dazai

Dazai no...-Chuuya

Dazai yes-Dazai

You have to learn to take better care of yourself-Yosano

But I don't want to-Dazai pouts.

Kunikida sighs.

https://www.tiktok.com/@monsterwuv/video/6958688244502367494?_r=1&_t=8Y0bS4UBVnZ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=6958688244502367494

Why are you flirting with MY MAN🔪🔪🔪🔪-Ranpo

Why are you flirting with her man🔪🔪🔪🔪-Dazai

They both look at him murderously.

The video literally says that I confused it with you-Chuuya

MINE-Dazai grabs him possessively

Mine-Ranpo hugs Poe possessively

Poe and Chuuya only pine for their possessive boyfriends

https://www.tiktok.com/@hvneykunii/video/7144167422197566721?_r=1&_t=8Y0cpls5fgU&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7144167422197566721

I should have jumped off that building-Dazai

I'm going to kill him one day-Chuuya

https://www.tiktok.com/@monsterwuv/video/6954707387127254278?_r=1&_t=8Y0bXdqdfYz&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=6954707387127254278

Oh god😰😰😰😰😰-Everyone except Mori

Well, I'm going to kill myself-Dazai gets up but Chuuya pulls him onto his lap and starts stroking his hair so he can relax and not think of that

https://www.tiktok.com/@monsterwuv/video/6947619030505147654?_r=1&_t=8Y0biwoD04M&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=6947619030505147654

"I don't understand how you always forget that," Dazai says from Chuuya's lap.

I don't understand how I always forget -Kunikida

https://www.tiktok.com/@tswunn/video/7174535806785293573?_r=1&_t=8Y0cigT0KCz&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7174535806785293573

Awwwwww-Everyone

Dazai hugs Chuuya's waist and rubs his head against his chest a little, reminding Chuuya of a cat and kisses him on the forehead making Dazai smile a little.

Chapter Text

https://www.tiktok.com/@awftoh/video/7010500455977454853?_t=8Y2YcCmK8If&_r=1

"Touch a single hair and you're dead." Dazai looked sinisterly at Mori.

https://www.tiktok.com/@monsterwuv/video/7065864350824795438?_r=1&_t=8Y2YMlBgzw6&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7065864350824795438

True-Dazai

You were up there for five hours-Chuuya

It was very comfortable-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@aspenunknown0/video/7165682397755788549?_r=1&_t=8Y2WD7asIBZ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7165682397755788549

Awwwwwww-Fukuzawa and Kouyou

"That you were there made it a little better," Dazai said to Yosano and she ruffled his hair affectionately.

Shuuji ?-Atsushi

"That was my birth name." Dazai shrugged.

Why did you change it? -Kunikida

Reasons-Dazai stared at the wall.

https://www.tiktok.com/@double_black_/video/7166665800999259397?_r=1&_t=8Y2VYgMbZdF&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7166665800999259397

What the fuck!!!!!!-Gin

"Oh yes, those sons of bitches ended up dead." Dazai smiled at the screen.

Nobody touches my partner and gets away with it-Dazai hugs Chuuya from behind

Chuuya just smiled and patted his head.

https://www.tiktok.com/@_oya.cos/video/7168811727075675397?_r=1&_t=8Y2UqI7bpg6&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7168811727075675397

Why do I want a woman if I have my spectacular man?-Dazai smiled proud of his husband.

Everyone smiled happily at how happy Dazai was with Chuuya.

https://www.tiktok.com/@voanneid/video/7114389207480569094?_r=1&_t=8Y2c1YjBcjF&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7114389207480569094

That's too cute for those crazy murdering psychopaths-Mori

I know but I don't care-Me

Their friendship scares me-Atsushi

Everyone nodded

https://www.tiktok.com/@yume.me/video/7012585568110513413?_r=1&_t=8Y2cYlxJLSn&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7012585568110513413

They seem to be having fun-Akutawaga

They are divine-Me

https://www.tiktok.com/@yume.me/video/7142072442230443270?_r=1&_t=8Y2chuVYhqY&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7142072442230443270

Chuuya as a boyfriend is 10 out of 10-Kouyou

They are so 😩😩😩😩😩✋🏻✋🏻✋🏻✋🏻🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐-Atsushi

https://www.tiktok.com/@itsamabee/video/7081685919274749230?_r=1&_t=8Y2gVVeIY2o&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7081685919274749230

He is MY dog not his-Dazai

Stop calling me your dog-Chuuya

Never-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@_daweebkahye/video/7000016467097963803?_r=1&_t=8Y2h86tmmEn&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7000016467097963803

How did you confuse Poe with Dazai? -Yosano

They look like okey-Chuuya

Awww Chuuya worries that I'm cheating-Dazai hangs on him

That's not true-Chuuya tries to push him

I only want you baby-Dazai whispers to him.

Shut up-Chuuya hides his face with his hat

https://www.tiktok.com/@.ayoitslani/video/7011855100754889989?_r=1&_t=8Y2as51fhmI&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7011855100754889989

Well at least he wants to live-Chuuya

You look good-Ranpo

Thanks-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@hayleychristine_/video/7165627936261917957?_r=1&_t=8Y2kBsBDck2&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7165627936261917957

What the fuck? -Chuuya

What happened?-ADA

Is he okay? -Hirotsu

Fyodor kidnapped him-Me

WHAT ?!?!!?!?!? -All

Hey, don't worry, Chuuya saved him-Me

Everyone sighed in relief except Chuuya.

How long was it? -Chuuya

Eh....-Me

Chuuya looks at her murderously

Three weeks-Me

THREE WEEKS!!!!!-Chuuya, Mori and Fukuzawa

I'm going to decapitate that rat-Chuuya

There you have a room-Me

Chuuya went to torture Fyodor in the room

Better let's continue that will take a while-Me

Everyone nodded

https://www.tiktok.com/@a.bit.batty/video/7040789006623264006?_r=1&_t=8Y2mnxzJMhh&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7040789006623264006

You should go to a therapist-Yosano

And stop lying to us-Ranpo

Dazai shrugged.

https://www.tiktok.com/@rainydaytay/video/7135919920952495406?_r=1&_t=8Y2ncfv0GQA&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7135919920952495406

Asking for help doesn't make you a burden - Atsushi

Do not suffer in silence-Akutawaga

Tell us about it-Yosano

We want to know-Ranpo

https://www.tiktok.com/@drippymichii/video/6975206112325045510?_r=1&_t=8Y2mFTVv3NV&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=6975206112325045510

Good logic-Akutawaga

Atsushi hits his forehead just like Kunikida

https://www.tiktok.com/@bafoon_weeb/video/7170803102461775109?_r=1&_t=8Y2if2ZGzYc&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7170803102461775109

"Is he doing the paperwork?" Kunikida looks surprised.

Is he working? -Atsushi looks surprised.

He called Chuuya baby?-Kouyou

I work if you give me motivation or an interesting reward-Dazai

"And how about a kiss?" Chuuya says leaving the room.

Are you done yet? - Dazai

Yes-Chuuya

https://www.tiktok.com/@always_yumi/video/7143629842880236806?_r=1&_t=8Y2liSamYBK&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7143629842880236806

They are so cute-Everyone

Chuuya hugs Dazai from behind and they snuggle together

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFgJ4gKL/

Chuuya grabs Dazai's head

But if you have me-Chuuya looks him in the eyes and Dazai rubs their noses in an Eskimo kiss

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFgJANmC/

... -Todos

If I can search for information and my boyfriend at the same time, why not do it-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFgJoY1t/

I care about you-Chuuya

Everyone supports it

Luckily for you I found a beautiful reason to live - Dazai kisses Chuuya on the top of his head

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFos1HYy/

I don't know what I just saw but it was something nice-Dazai

Chapter Text

Bitch those are my kids-Dazai

*Gin and Akutagawa proud of their mother*

Did you get into a fight over a donut? -Atsushi

The most important thing was they divorced or not? -Ranpo

No, they fixed it-Me

Okay-Kouyou

Ohhhh😏😏😏😏😏😏-Yosano and Ranpo

I'm on top of you bitch🙂🙂🙂-Chuuya

😗😗😗-Dazai

(Shigaraki is Fukuzawa, Dabi is Ranpo, Toga is Yosano and Denki is Dazai)

At least I'm telling the truth-Atsushi

What a great interview-Ranpo

I can't believe they hired him-Chuuya

The mob looks at him saying "how do you not know if you killed someone?"

Dazai shrugged.

I'm going to kill them-Chuuya gets up

Chuuya you can't kill my schoolmates-Dazai

Why? 🙃-Chuuya

Because I don't know what they look like after 12 years-Dazai

Chuuya sighs and sits back down.

🤭🤭🤭🌝🌝-Chuuya

😩😩😩😳😳😳-Dazai

🤨🤨🤨-Yosano

😐😐😐-Ranpo

👁👄👁-Port Mafia

https://youtube.com/shorts/ufO_GnqVLbs?feature=share

Do you like me more than double suicide? 😧-Chuuya

Yes☺-Dazai

Awww-Ranpo

https://youtube.com/shorts/2Q5a8ypgTXQ?feature=share

... -Todos

Jjajsjjsjsjsjsjjsksakjsskksksksksksksksk-All

Oh god I can't🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣-Me

Certainly they can-Mori

😁😁-Soukoku

Are you dating dad-Aya

I was just saying-Dazai

EmOtIoNaL DaMaGe-Me

... -All

Dazai kisses Chuuya's forehead and intertwines his fingers in a silent message that he is here.

Awwwww-Yosano and Kouyou

Chuuya smiled happily

We are very crazy-Dazai

😌👍-Everyone

My husband, my life, my hope, but above all mine-Dazai

Why did I marry you? -Chuuya shakes his head, half disappointed.

Because you love me-Dazai smiles triumphantly

Unfortunately-Chuuya

Dazai gets offended

What a bad Chibi, I'm wonderful-Dazai

Sometimes-Chuuya

Chapter Text

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFsbWEVP/

...-All

We started well-Ranpo

I'm going to dig a hole and bury myself in it-Dazai

🥵🥵🔥🔥-Chuuya

Dazai pulls his ear-Stop the promiscuous thoughts

"I'm going to leave you without walking for a month and I'll make you moan my name, princess," Chuuya whispered, making Dazai hit him on the head for making him blush and make him want to in public.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFsgJ68c/

"Oh shit, is he okay?" asked a very worried Dazai.

Yes, luckily you arrived on time-I

How can he think of sending him to use corruption without Dazai around?-Kouyou

What was I thinking? -Hirotsu

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFsbW9xC/

It always works-Dazai

True, in the end Chuuya always made all your meals-Hirotsu

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFsbPc9p/

Awwwwww-Everyone

How cute-Atsushi

They are adorable-Akutagawa

Recharging energy with Chuuya is very beneficial-Dazai said as he placed his head on Chuuya's shoulder.

I didn't know you could play the violin-Kunikida

I can also play the piano-Dazai

everyone is surprised

How come you never told us-Atsushi

It didn't come up in a conversation-Dazai

Why do you make those reports and not ours? -Kunikida

Because ours are boring-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFt82sv7/

Kunikida what-?-Dazai

👁️👄👁️-Kunikida

Chapter Text

Chuuya slaps Dazai in the head

Don't teach our son not to cry-Chuuya

Auch-Dazai

They are cute-Fukuzawa

The agency agrees

What a cute baby-Atsushi

He has the eyes of Chuuya-Kouyou

Very cute-Elise

Hey what? -Mori

Very cute-Elise smiled proudly.

Good job-Chuuya

Kill me-Dazai

... -All

➖👄➖-Everyone

👁👄👁-Everyone

➖👄➖-Everyone

How cute-Kouyou

They seem very happy-Hirotsu

That's Aya? -Kunikida

Yes-Me

I am a gift :D-Dazai

Tied and wrapped for Chuya😏😏-Ranpo

It looks like you're going to be a great father-Fukuzawa

They are both going to be a great family-Hirotsu

How soft-Hirotsu

And cute-Kouyou

Oh yes the bastard is affectionate-Chuuya

They seem happy-Hirotsu

And living a good life-Fukuzawa

I like-Kouyou

They are cute-Atsushi

I like Chuuya with glasses-Yosano

It's very cute-Dazai

I wonder what Dazai looks like with glasses-Ranpo

Sexy-Chuuya bites his lip

Chapter Text

Is-all

I'm-Dazai

Since when do you know how to skate? -Atsushi

I don't know-Dazai

You are only allowed to die by my hand-Chuuya

What a blow-Akutagawa

I'm-Dazai

What have I told you about getting on the train tracks?-Kunikida

Don't do it-Dazai

Ranpo why????-Fukuzawa

Ranpo shrugged.

What? -Kouyou

hahahahaha-Dazai

I always-Chuuya

That's why I forbade you from buying a giant cup-Dazai

Chuuya showed him the middle finger.

Violent chuuya-Me

A good hit always works-Chuuya

That's what he did when I told him-Dazai

Don't expose me-Chuuya

Look Chuuya now you can be tall-Dazai

Chuuya slaps him in the head

It's true-Dazai

Weren't you bisexual? -Atsushi

Yes, but especially Chuuyasexual-Dazai

I like colorful bandages-Akutagawa

They look good-Atsushi

Chuuya looks good-Kouyou

Chapter Text

Homey-Atsushi

They are cute-Kouyou

Wow-Hirotsu

Now we can see a surprised Dazai-Ranpo

When did that happen? -Chuuya

One day you were very tired after Mori sent you on a mission-Dazai

hahahahaha-Higuchi

When you have to prove it's yours-Ranpo

Why did you carry me for three hours? - Dazai

To show people that you are mine-Chuuya

Kouyou laughed under the sleeve of his kimono.

Nice memories-All

Translation: "Good morning" "Yes good morning" "Good morning?"

A cute burrito-Dazai

How cute-Kouyou

Awwwww-Atsushi

I must admit they are cute-Kunikida

Burrito Dazai-Atsushi

He's half asleep - Akutagawa

Awwwwwwww-All

Dazai is smiling? -Atsushi

Chuuya, what are you doing on the roof? -Akutagawa

A quiet morning together-Ranpo

everyone smiled

Chuuya looks like he just wants to drink his coffee-Hirotsu

It's what I want, Dazai is too needy sometimes-Chuuya

"But I always want Chuuya's attention," Dazai says as he puts his head on his lap.

You're a needy baby-Chuuya

Your needy baby-Dazai

Chuuya smiles a little and starts running his fingers through Dazai's hair.

How mundane-Mori

I like-Kouyou

A simple visit to the supermarket-Fukuzawa smiled

I like it, it's very calm-Atsushi

Chapter Text

Okay let's go see the characters in Wonderland-Me

Chuuya as the Cheshire Cat and Dazai as the Hare-Yo

I don't see Dazai running around to get to tea on time-Kunikida

I see Dazai being the Cheshire Cat more than Chuuya-Kouyou

The others nodded.

I see Chuuya as a hatter but Dazai is not even jokingly is Alicia -Hirotsu

Everyone nodded

Those three give me a bad feeling-Mori

The others nodded.

Perfect-Kouyou

I see them-Hirotsu

How cute Alicia Atsushi-Dazai laughed a little.

Atsushi blushed.

Izumi, you are very pretty as a hare-Kouyou

Thank you-Izumi

Akutagawa is the red queen-Gin laughed at his brother

Let Jinko's head be cut off - Dazai laughed with her

Akutagawa got angry because his mentor and his sister were laughing at him.

Chuuya looks good as a hatter-Kouyou

Thank you Ane-san-Chuuya

Chapter Text

Today we are going to react to something that Chuuya is going to like a lot -Me

The one?-Chuuya

Dazai being passive-Me

I fear for my hips-Dazai

Let's start-Me

I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS-Atsuhi

Yes, we better get the people out. The author snaps her fingers and Atsushi, Akutawaga, Gin, Elise and Izumi disappear.

I will bring them to see the good ones and suitable for minors-Me

Eh...-Everyone

Next-Me

Hit the mattress hard-Ranpo

Break the bed-Yosano

Danzai doing nothing and Chuuya like BOOM! to fuck-Ranpo

Good sex-Yosano

...-Soukoku

Awwww you blush when I call you Osamu-Chuuya

"No," Dazai said blushing.

How cute-Kouyou

Why didn't you go with a veil for our wedding? -Chuuya

Because there was no time-Dazai

He looks surprised-Kouyou

Chuuya caught him by surprise-Me

Chuuya showing who's boss-Ranpo

Cute-Everyone

Beautiful-Chuuya kisses him on the lips

I didn't expect that-Yosano

And this is how you have to kiss your lanky-Chuuya

You could ask me to bend down-Dazai

No-Chuuya

Translation: "I love you"

Awwwwwww-Everyone

"You're very cute blushing." Chuuya pinches Dazai's cheeks.

Cute-Everyone

Mine-Chuuya hugs Dazai and bites his neck

Ahhhhh, Damn, why do you always bite my neck? you look like a vampire-Dazai

To mark territory or do you prefer that I pee on you like the dog you say I am-Chuuya

"Better bite me," Dazai says, disgusted for having imagined himself bathed in pee.

That's how I like it-Chuuya licks the bite so that a hickey forms

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFca7fWf/

And they said that those seduction classes were worthless-Dazai

Chapter Text

Fantastics-Atsushi

They look good-Chuuya

What a dick-Hirotsu

You did that!!!-Fyodor

I had a bet to see how long it would take you to discover it hahahahahaha-Dazai

We look great-Dazai

Yes true-Fyodor

They give me nightmares-Atsushi

Same tiger boy, same-Chuuya

You got bored in prison, right? -Mori

Yes-Dazai and Fyodor

Why didn't you invite me to commit arson with you? - Dazai

It was not planned-Fyodor

Aja-Dazai

They are very similar-Mori

Are you sure you are not related? -Chuuya

Not to my knowledge-Dazai and Fyodor

They look good-Atsushi

Yeah, as if they weren't extremely intelligent and terrifying people who can burn Yokahama to the ground -Akutagawa

You went a little overboard there, didn't you? -Gin

No-Higuchi

Everyone cute

Fyodor looks like you need to sleep-Dazai

Yes, I think I need it-Fyodor

Well, I'll send you there - The Author sends Fyodor to his house to sleep

Chapter Text

Fuck-Atsushi

Dazai stop-Atsushi

"I'm not doing anything." Dazai raised his hands.

Thank you Chuuya-Atsushi

What a loyal dog-Dazai

Chuuya slaps him in the head-Shut up fucking

I second what Chuuya say-Atsushi

Chapter Text

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFGCfxaQ/

I thought I was widowed 😞🖐️-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFGpUx3D/

Why the hell do I keep the secret then-Dazai

In dealings you have to be honest-Mori

Fuck you-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFGs6Www/

Yes I am-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFGsSQLq/

The agency looks at it

Reloco friend-Dazai

Translation:
who is it?
your future husband

What? -Atsushi

There's no way you have to marry him, it's what every soukoku does-Dazai

Seriously? -Akutagawa

Yes-Dazai

Kenji what? -The agency

Kenji shrugs.

Translation:

When you have murdered 136, 312 cases of extortion, 625 cases of fraud and you can still walk around the city as if nothing happened >:v

The fandom: I still don't understand why you're not in jail

I don't even know-Dazai

He did what? -Kunikida

👁👄👁-Atsushi

Translation:

Until death do them part

Death:

The rat is jealous that I beat chess-Dazai

I'm going to kill you-Fyodor

Dazai:

Translation: You can't kill me I'm like a cockroach I don't die I multiply

Let's continue-Me

It's mine bitches-Dazai

My brother is so handsome-Kouyou

Awwwww he's so cute-Dazai

It's very cute-Atsushi

How cute is my brother-Gin

You got stuck there right? -Chuuya

Yes-Akutagawa

Translation: "You have become stronger" "ah?" "well done, you worked hard"

Thank you Dazai-san-Akutagawa smiled at his mentor

You're welcome Ryu-Dazai smiled back.

Translation:

I feel like dazai is the kind of person who would, after his death, yell fuck god when he is in heaven, get send to hell and overthrow satan to become the ruler of hell. As the ruler of hell he probably have mori only surrounded by old people, and have fyodor in a clean, white and empty room for the rest of eternity. After he has done all those things, he goes to heaven says hi to all his friends, goes up right in front of good and say’s “fuck you! Chuuya is a way better god” and leaves

He is definitely-Hirotsu

Chuuya Supreme God-Atsushi

Amen-Dazai

Amen-All

Chapter Text

Today we are going to read a story, and since I like to make you suffer, we are going to see how Dazai suffers-Me

I'm scared-Atsushi

And Mori is a bastard here but Dazai protects Chuuya and Chuuya is cool-Yo

Let's start-Me

Dazai was cold—frozen, numb. Had he fallen into he sea and frozen up? 

No, no. It wasn’t even winter. He took in a small breath and—nope. No water filling his lungs. No choking, gasping breath. Just the sting of cold air in his nose and the feeling that maybe he hadn’t been breathing properly before now. 

It was refreshing. 

It was horrifying. 

Where was he again? 

Where is ?-Atsushi

You'll see-Me

Dazai’s usually clever thoughts felt clogged and foggy, and he struggled to wrangle the right ones into place. The last thing he remembered... he had been doing something important. Right? 

Is he drugged? -Ranpo

You will soon know-Me

He chastised his sorry memory. Maybe he wasn’t ice at the bottom of a lake, but his brain was certainly frozen. Numbly, Dazai wracked his brain for any sort of context. 

It was nearly five minutes later when he finally decided,  screw this! I’m going to warm up, then I’ll figure this out.  

He was clever enough to bullshit his way out of this situation later. 

Experimentally, Dazai twitched a finger. 

Clank.  

He flexed the joint again, but it stung at the slightest movement. Something cold strangled his wrist. 

Clank.  

Ever so slowly, Dazai’s blood rushed back into his finger, then his hand, then his arm, until his whole body wasn’t numb any longer. 

The coldness that had seemed so clogging before was suddenly enough to have him shivering. 

Clank. Clank. Clang!  

What was that god-awful noise? 

A full-body shiver speared up Dazai’s spine and the rattling sound tripled in volume. Maybe it was the blood only now reaching his brain, but the realization suddenly burned in his skull with all the intensity of a dumpster fire. 

Was he chained up? 

Why is he chained? -Akutagawa

You're going to find out now-Me

It took nearly a minute, but Dazai managed to pry his eyelids open. Almost immediately after opening them, Dazai snapped the lids shut again. The light burned his retinas and bleached everything white. He flinched against the harsh lighting, rattling the chains loudly around him. 

After another minute, Dazai squinted his eyes open again. A headache pounded behind his eyes, but seeing was a much higher priority right now than his comfort. He tried to keep his thoughts clinical. Smothering down his panic wasn’t that hard when all he could think was,  damn this hurts.

Didn't you have a high pain tolerance? -Chuuya

No, why do you think I want a painless suicide? -Dazai

The room came into view slowly, as Dazai was forced to blink repeatedly to keep his eyes from stinging too badly. But once his eyes were working properly, he was able to tilt his head up and look around. 

He knew where he was. 

Dazai tried to move his legs to stand even though he knew they’d be too cold to move. He was suddenly filled with the urge to run. To break these chains and never look back. 

Run away Dazai Run away-Yosano

He can't do it-Ranpo

He sat quietly and waited. 

“Took you long enough, Osamu.” 

It took all Dazai’s energy to not flinch at that. The chains binding his wrists and ankles still clanged obnoxiously when he turned to face his captor. 

Mori towered over him. 

Boss?!-Port Mafia

Mori?!-The agency

What the fuck? -Fukuzawa

All of Dazai’s blood was where it should be, but he still felt cold to the bone. Frozen. A corpse. Mori gave him a smile that was too sharp around the edges and looked a bit more like a knife than smiles were probably meant to. 

“You shouldn’t keep your boss waiting.” Mori continued. He strode forward across the room—his office, Dazai now realized—until Dazai was slumped over at his feet. Almost teasingly, Mori lightly kicked at Dazai’s face. “It’s been all day, you know. I thought you might have worked up a tolerance to those anesthetics by now. We’ll have to work on that.” 

Dazai tensed unwittingly, jangling his shackles. 

What the fuck-Chuuya

Mori’s shadow over him shook with hollow laughter. 

“Look at me, Osamu.” 

He did. Struggling against the light had been easier than this. He had to crane his neck all the way back to see how Mori’s eyes danced with a dark light. 

Dazai must have made a pitiful expression—maybe it was the dark bruise forming on his cheek or the way his mouth was still hung open, slack. Mori cooed at him, and Dazai felt his cheeks burn. 

Taking pity, Mori kneeled down. While they still weren’t quite equal, Dazai no longer had to strain so hard to look his mentor in the eye. His neck hung low with relief. 

When Mori reached out, Dazai flinched away instinctively. But Mori only smiled at the fearful movement. He patted Dazai on the boy’s bruised cheek, smiling wider at the pain in Dazai’s eyes. “Good boy.” 

What the fuck Mori-Yosano

I'm going to kill him-Chuuya

Actually I didn't do anything like that-Mori

No? -Hirotsu

Not-Mori

The chains rattled around them. Dazai couldn’t help it. He wanted to run away but the whole world was frozen behind Mori’s eyes. 

Dazai mentally shook himself. Some of the fog in his head cleared up. 

“What’s with the—” He said, lifting a heavy arm so the chains would clank and clang. 

“Oh! It speaks.” Mori cheered. He ran his knuckles over Dazai’s lips gently. Then, obligingly, he said, “The chains are so you don’t run away before we can have a little chat.” 

Dazai blinked sluggishly. “A chat. What about?” 

The hand on his face came to a halt. Though Mori managed to pull a look of concern into his expression, Dazai thought it looked fake. Everything would be easier if that worry was fake. He didn’t really know. 

“You don’t remember the last assignment I gave you?” Mori asked, tilting Dazai’s neck to look into the boy’s pupils. “Perhaps those drugs are too powerful for you to handle, after all. I’ll need to wake you up first...” He trailed off, reaching into his long, dark coat. After a few seconds, he withdrew a scalpel. 

What a fucking shit-Chuuya got up angry.

Calm down, all this didn't really happen, Dazai is fine eating strawberries in the other room-Me

Chuuya sat up again but he didn't calm down.

“I’m awake.” Dazai said a bit too quickly. He tried to sit up to further the ruse, but only succeeded in slumping against Mori’s hand further. “I’m awake.” He tried again. 

Mori made an appreciative sound in the back of his throat and, after a pause, returned the blade to his pocket. The fond amusement on his mentor’s face turned Dazai’s stomach. Mori’s hand patted him again. “So you are,” he hummed. 

Son of a bitch-Chuuya and Yosano

Rising to his feet, Mori let his hand slip from Dazai’s cheek. Dazai tried not to make the stutter of his breath too obvious. Mori’s voice was clinical when he next spoke, staring down at where his student was chained up at his feet. 

“As my prized underboss, I have high expectations for you. You usually do so well. What a shame that even you can still have...” Mori turned his nose up. “...flaws.” 

Wrenching his arms underneath him, Dazai pushed himself into a sitting position. A wave of sticky nausea made his vision swim until Mori’s smirk was warped and curled. 

“Tell me, Osamu, does a good executive fail his missions?” 

“No, sir.” The words left his mouth before Dazai was even aware of them. That sort of obedience had been burnt into his tongue time and time again. His saliva was thick was obsequious pleasantries. 

Mori hummed. “Then why,” he pressed his foot into Dazai’s chest, “are those files I asked for not on my desk right now?” 

Dazai choked on a breath. The pressure on his chest made each gasp for air burn. His mouth dropped open, yet no words escaped. 

The memories pierced through his skull. 

Chuuya and Dazai had been sent out on a job to collect those sensitive documents. They hadn’t picked them up in time. They had failed because... 

Because—  

Dazai’s eye lids slid shut in quiet resignation. When he looked back up, Mori was still staring down at him, waiting for an answer that suited him. 

“I miscalculated.” Dazai said, making sure to keep his gaze stable, “My bad, Boss.” 

The corners of Mori’s eyes pinched and his smile quirked a step higher. “Is that right?” 

A cold flash of fear froze Dazai’s mouth where it hung ajar. He snapped it shut not a second later, but it was already too late. Mori’s grin turned amused. Sadistic. 

Fuck-Akutagawa

“Or,” Mori continued, pressing his foot down harder until Dazai was wheezing beneath him, “Could you be covering for someone? That’s not the sort of behavior a mafia executive should make a habit out of.” 

Dazai’s vision became blurry. He sucked in a breath, but not enough to keep his voice steady. 

“I-it was my fault, Sir.” 

My fault, my fault, my fault—  

Not  Chuuya’s  fault. Never.  

Wait was it my fault? -Chuuya

Yes-Me

And why is he being tortured? -Chuuya

Explains it later-Me

Shit Dazai-Chuuya sees his boyfriend worried

Mori was silent for a moment. Then, only after the fear had a second to turn Dazai’s blood fully to ice, did he push his foot off of Dazai’s chest. 

Dazai immediately fell forward, spitting and choking and greedily sucking air into his lungs. It hurt—his whole body hurt. Dazai couldn’t help the moan breaking from his starved lips. Once the world had stopped spinning, Dazai realized that he was bowed over Mori’s feet. 

A hand settled on his head. It stroked his hair back and forth in some cruel facsimile of kindness. 

“I do hate to hurt you,” Mori said gently, “But we both know that’s the only way you learn.” 

I'm going to kill him-Yosano took his chainsaw

I'm sorry to tell you that this Mori doesn't exist so you can't kill him.

Can I kill our Mori? -Yosano

Not-Me

Dazai didn’t respond, still wavering with each breath. 

Suddenly, Mori grabbed a lock of hair and harshly tugged it forward until Dazai was forced to look into his boss’ eyes. 

“I will only say this once, Osamu.” Mori’s voice was pitch black—was icicles poised to fall, “As my prized underboss, you do not have the option of failing a mission. If your subordinates—or your partner—is going to make that difficult, you take them out of the picture. Am I understood?” 

“Yes, Sir.” Dazai croaked. 

I hate this-Atsushi

Me too boy, me too-Kunikida

We all hate him-Fukuzawa

Mori’s cold exterior immediately melted away. He clapped. “Good. Now—since you’re so keen on taking the punishment that should lie on Chuuya’s shoulders, I suppose I can indulge you.” 

Dazai tugged at the shackles that chained him to the floor. They didn’t give. They never did. 

Shit, did this happen before? -Chuuya

In that story yes-Me

Fuck-Chuuya

Overhead, Mori chuckled. Dazai saw the shine reflected on the floor before he saw the scalpel. Then all he saw was blood. 

---- 

This is how the Mafia punishes? -Atsushi

No, Mori just tells us all the mistakes we've made including our birth and he scares us a little with his scalpel and his pedophile air -Dazai

I have never laid a hand on anyone-Mori

Someone would have killed you before you did it honestly-Dazai

Let's keep going-Me

Dazai rubbed at his wrists, frowning at the way the bandages were stained red and brown. With a sigh, he dropped the bloody arms to his side. He didn’t want to look at them any longer. Things like that were unsightly. At least with these bandages wrapped around him, Dazai wouldn’t have to see where his skin had torn under those shackles. 

The summer night was thick and humid. Without any wind, the hot air battled against Dazai’s already worn lungs. He tried to walk a bit faster, but hurrying only made breathing more of a challenge. 

“Dazai!” 

He jerked, turning on his heels to find the source calling out to him. Dazai relaxed almost instantly. 

“Oh, Chuuya. I almost didn’t see you there.” He grinned. “Be careful! Someone might step on you like a little bug!” 

“Shut up, Mackerel.” Chuuya growled. 

Dazai waited for another insult, but none came. Instead, he waited in silence for his partner to catch up to him. Once they were side-by-side, Dazai continued walking. Chuuya huffed, but followed after him without complaint. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes, following a path lit only by yellow street lights. These streets may not be safe for normal kids their age, but Chuuya and Dazai had enough of a reputation. No one would be stopping them tonight. 

Abruptly, Chuuya stopped. Dazai had to press his heels in the cobblestone to stop himself from walking on. He wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep today away. Or maybe he would find a nice bridge, after all. 

Chuuya grabbed his husband's waist and hugged him.

Don't worry Chuuya I'm fine, that didn't happen to me-Dazai whispered to Chuuya

I know—Chuuya lets out a sigh of relief that he didn't know he was holding.

Chuuya’s face was cast into sharp contrast to the dark city behind him. His brows were pulled together, taught, in a way that scrunched his whole expression together. “Hey. Don’t just leave me hanging here.” The worry in Chuuya’s eyes was palpable. “Did the boss ask to see me tomorrow?” 

Is it my turn under the scalpel?  Dazai translated easily. 

Dazai took pity on him—or maybe it was the weariness still clinging to his lungs. “No.” He said, “He didn’t.” 

Without another word, Dazai turned on his heel to leave. 

Chuuya’s hand snapped out and grabbed Dazai’s wrist, trapping him in place. 

“What do you mean  no?!”  He barked, tugging Dazai back. “The boss doesn’t just—” 

Dazai winced. 

Immediately, Chuuya’s eyes widened in realization. As if stung, he pulled his hand off of Dazai and clutched it to his chest. “You’re hurt.” 

Dazai looked away. 

The sea waved calmly below them. It was a dark, endless pool on nights like this. You couldn’t even see the stars reflected in its depths. Just a deep, endless wash of black. On a humid summer night, the sea could never be cold enough to freeze him. 

“He punished you.” Chuuya’s voice was empty, shell-shocked. Dazai didn’t interrupt. He didn’t know what else to say. “He punished you for my mistakes. Shit—Dazai, it’s my fault we failed the mission!” 

Dazai blinked away from the sea, turning to meet Chuuya’s eyes instead. “Of course it’s your fault. We can’t expect a dog to perform well, now can I?” 

Why Dazai? - Chuuya

I don't know what happened but I'm sure Chuuya wouldn't deserve it-Dazai

“What did...” Chuuya gulped, “Fuck! What did he do to you?!” 

Something like fury lit itself ablaze in Dazai’s chest, but his face was an expressionless mask as always. “Don’t look like that. You should be thanking me for taking Mori’s punishment instead of yelling at me!” 

Chuuya bristled. He wasted no time in stepping forward until he and Dazai were chest-to-chest. Without warning, Chuuya took Dazai’s wrist back into his hand, then pulled it out to inspect the dried blood there. 

“Did he chain you up!? What the fuck?!” 

“Stop yelling, Chibi.” Dazai said, numbly. He let his hand fall limp in Chuuya’s hand. 

If he pulled away, would Chuuya let go? 

(Did he want to test it?) 

You don't want to-Ranpo

When Chuuya looked up into Dazai’s eyes, the frown on his face pressed into something almost panicked. Whatever he saw in Dazai’s expression, Chuuya’s worry grew ten-fold. He looked Dazai’s frame up-and-down. 

“Where are you hurt?” He asked. “My apartment is closer—let me patch you up.” 

"I’m not hurt.” 

Not in any way that mattered. 

Fuck-Chuuya

Dazai grabbed Chuuya's hand and made circles on his hands to calm him down.

Chuuya raised a brow. “There’s blood all over your arms. And don’t think I don’t see that bruise on your face. Just tell me, Idiot.” 

“Are you feeling guilty?” Dazai said with a laugh, hoping to deflect the force of Chuuya’s worried stare, “I didn’t think dogs were capable of that level of morality!” 

“Of course I feel guilty!” 

Dazai froze. He blinked repeatedly, as if that would make sense of Chuuya’s outburst. The ginger-haired boy in front of him had flushed cheeks and was shaking with heavy breaths. 

“What?” Dazai asked stupidly. 

Chuuya’s glare diminished and he turned his eyes down to the bloody hand still held in his. “During the mission today, I froze up.” His voice was no more than a whisper, “And because of that, our mark got away with the files. I should have been the one who was punished. Why did you take the fall for me?” 

Yes, why did you do it? -Akutagawa

“Oh.” Dazai blinked again, trying to recollect himself. Unconsciously, he melted a bit against Chuuya’s hold. “A good master takes care of his mutt—” 

“Stop it with the dog shit, Dazai. Talk to me for real.” 

The mafioso paused, silent for a long moment. Finally, Dazai sighed. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

Chuuya huffed, defiant. “It matters! Dammit, Dazai! You can’t just do this!” 

He turned his eyes back to the ocean. It looked like it would have been a warm swim tonight, but all Dazai wanted to do now was sleep. 

“I’ve always been Mori’s dog.” Dazai admitted quietly. Beside him, Chuuya stopped breathing. “He ruined me a long time ago. Taking his punishments—” chained up, drugged, bleeding, begging— “It’s fine, if it’s me. But Chuuya is my dog, see? So I’ll take good care of you, even if you are such a pain.” 

"Fuck, shit, shit, shit" Chuuya started crying because of how helpless he felt for not being able to help Dazai.

Dazai turned and surrounded the redhead in a hug.

And he whispered in her ear-Shhh, shh, calm down darling. "That didn't happen, we're both fine." Dazai gave his an arm so he could see that his skin was fine.

Chuuya kissed the healthy skin saying I love you repeatedly

Dazai answers every time and I answer you too, darling.

He didn’t turn to see Chuuya’s face morph into disgust, then fear, then fondness. He didn’t have to—Chuuya's next words did that for him. 

“That’s fucked up.” Chuuya said, “You are so fucked up.” 

Dazai beamed at the black sea. “Obviously.” 

They were quiet for another long minute. The ocean filled in the gap with the quiet whisper of water on stone. 

“This is so fucked.” Chuuya said at last. 

“You said that already. Is that tiny brain of your overheating?” 

The hand holding Dazai’s squeezed a bit tighter. There was nothing strangling about this grip, though. Dazai squeezed back. 

“That’s because it  is  fucked. You shouldn’t have to be tortured for shit like this.”  Chuuya  growled quietly, “For anything. That shouldn’t be something you even have to worry about.  Shit .” 

Dazai frowned, but didn’t turn from the ocean. Looking at Chuuya now might snap whatever peace they had found. The warm air was a blanket around them. “Speaking treason so casually? Maybe you really are short circuiting.” 

But Chuuya didn’t rise to the bait—didn't bark or growl or sock him in the jaw. He just sighed, then turned to look into the sea as well. It waved “hello” in the only way that water can. 

“If you ever get the chance to leave the Port Mafia, you take it.” 

I'm glad that Chuuya wants him to leave-Chuuya

Dazai sucked in a hot breath, stunned. 

Chuuya continued, unhindered by the way Dazai’s fingers had flinched under his own. “I’m serious. Everything you just said about punishments and being someone else’s dog? That is beyond fucked up, Dazai. You need to get out. Go find yourself a nice older couple to adopt you, or something.” 

“No one would want to adopt me.” Dazai replied, smothering his surprise below exhaustion, “I’m too old.” 

“You’re only fifteen.” 

Dazai rolled his eyes. The sea rolled with him. “Couples only like to adopt newborns. Young things to impress themselves upon.” Dazai had been pressed into all sort of shapes by Mori’s guiding hand. He’s had enough of being a child. “Besides...” 

Chuuya hummed in askance when after a long moment Dazai still hadn’t finished his thought. 

“Besides,” Dazai continued, “I don’t mind it so much here. It’s where I belong.” 

He squeezed Chuuya’s fingers. 

Besides,  Dazai said to the black sea,  I can’t just leave  Chuuya  here alone.  

And Chuuya squeezed back. 

“It’s not,” Chuuya said, voice hushed and gentle in all the ways it wasn’t when anyone else was around. “But maybe this is.” 

He pushed himself into Dazai’s side and rested his head on the taller boy’s shoulders. Dazai let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. 

The black sea was endlessly deep and full of no stars at all, but somehow Dazai’s next breath wasn’t cold in the slightest. 

Damn, I love you and I'm going to bury anyone who hurts you six meters underground." Chuuya said, holding Dazai's face.

"And I will burn alive anyone who thinks of hurting you." Dazai gently caressed Chuuya's cheekbone.

The two kissed, transmitting tenderness and protection above all.

Chapter Text

( https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072307 ) LINK DE LA HISTORIA

Let's read a story where Soukoku is going to suffer-Yo

"How cool," Chuuya says sarcastically.

The words echoed in Chuuya’s head as he paced up the stairs of the apartment building.

‘I know you’ve been seeing him. The truce with the agency is ending soon. It wouldn’t reflect well on us if you were seen having a relationship with the enemy. Your loyalty to the organisation would be questioned by the lower ranking members.’

Puto Mori-Yosano

He arrived at the apartment he had grown so familiar with over the past year and knocked on the door. A few moments later, it opened to Dazai’s surprised expression.

‘Chuuya!’ Bandaged hands quickly pulled him into a warm embrace, swiftly followed by a kiss. ‘I didn’t think you were coming today, babe.’

Chuuya resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Dazai, to forget the rest of the world existed for a while. But he couldn’t. He came here to do one thing, and one thing only.

‘With the Rats and the Angels defeated, the truce will end. Dazai is much too large a threat without an enemy other than the Port Mafia.’

He detangled himself from Dazai, stepping away from him, surveying the apartment. The kitchen was a mess, though the fact it had been used at all since Chuuya had last visited was a good sign, at least. It meant progress was being made. The number of take-out boxes and the saucepans with burnt rice piling up on the counter suggested it was little progress, but they were small steps. The bouquet of red camellias still sat in their vase on the coffee table, now starting to wilt. The succulents sat on the windowsill looked healthy, though. Learning to take care of plants was another small step on Dazai’s journey to learning to take care of himself.

"That's good." Chuuya leaned on his husband's shoulder.

A path they had been taking together. A journey neither of them would finish.

Dazai seemed to sense a change in his demeanor. ‘Is everything okay, sunshine?’

‘You have a choice, Chuuya.’

One of the perks of Dazai’s apartment was the large floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the bay. The evening sun was beginning to shine through, illuminating the apartment in golden rays. Chuuya smiled softly at the memory of Dazai insisting on an impromptu photoshoot using nothing but a phone as their camera and the golden hour as their backdrop.

Chuuya had some of the photos hanging on his wall in neat frames.

How nice-Atsushi

The apartment was high enough that Chuuya could see most of the city from his position - the cherry blossom trees where they had had their first of many secret meetings, the stone fountain in the park they frequented for midnight strolls, the quaint coffee shop at the corner where their routes to work split, where they shared a kiss over coffee every morning, where arrangements for dates and dinners and decisions over whose apartment they would spend the night were made.

They seem in a good relationship-Hirotsu

He could also see the balcony of his own apartment - much larger and more lavish than Dazai’s, far away enough that no suspicions would be raised, but close enough that Dazai could make out Chuuya’s figure on the balcony as he smoked his cigarettes, and Chuuya could see Dazai’s silhouette as he wrapped and unwrapped bandages.

Chuuya took a deep breath. ‘We need to talk.’

‘A sniper is waiting on a rooftop across from his apartment.’

WHAT?-The agency

It seems that Mori does plan to kill him-Ranpo frowned.

Dazai visibly stilled. ‘About?’

‘Us.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘We’re done.’

Stunned silence filled the apartment. Chuuya fixed his eyes on the sun setting on the horizon. It was easier to stare into its blinding brightness than it was to turn around and face Dazai.

‘I’m not sure I’m following you, my love,’ Dazai’s voice was quieter than before. ‘Done...in what sense?’

They both knew what Chuuya meant.

‘Break his heart, or the sniper shoots.’

SON OF A BITCH-Everyone

Dazai slowly shook his head. ‘You’re joking. You’re trying to get back at me for putting salt in your coffee last week, aren’t you?’

How Chuuya wished that were true. Instead, he spoke again. ‘The truce between the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency will be ending soon. Even you must have worked that out. Better to end things now before we start trying to kill each other again.’

Each word hurt to even speak. Each lie dragged through his throat, like barbed wire cutting into his skin. 

Oh Chuuya-Dazai said worriedly

‘You have until nightfall.’

But he was running out of time.

‘I mean, really. Did you honestly think I’d just forgive you for betraying us - betraying me - all those years ago? Did you truly think I cared at all? That I wanted to spend hours putting up with your childish antics? That I didn’t mind teaching you to take care of yourself?’

Dazai was silent behind him. Chuuya’s voice was straining, but he forced out the words he had been rehearsing.

‘Did you honestly believe I ever loved you?’

He heard a soft thud behind him as Dazai’s legs gave way and he collapsed on his knees. Chuuya finally turned, schooling his features into neutrality. Dazai’s face was pale, tears welling in his eyes. ‘You’re...you’re lying,’ he whispered. ‘This isn’t you. Something - someone - is making you say this.’ He looked up at Chuuya. ‘Right?’

Chuuya wouldn’t look him in the eye. ‘I only stayed because you were useful to the Port Mafia. And with the truce ending, I don’t have to put up with you anymore. I really did have you wrapped around my finger, didn’t I?’ A sly grin made its way on his face as he knelt down to cup Dazai’s face. ‘And now look at you - the infamous Demon Prodigy, reduced to a detective begging on his knees for me to stay.’ He stood up, brushing away the hand that tried to follow his. ‘Pathetic.’

Dazai looked stunned.

Chuuya grabbed his hand to remind him that he was still here.

Chuuya walked towards the door, his chest burning from holding in sobs. Just a few more steps. Then this nightmare would be over.

A shaking hand caught his coat. ‘Why?’ Dazai’s voice trembled. ‘Chuuya...I chose you over everything else.. I woke up every morning to see you. I saved your life, you saved mine. I tried to live for you. You...Everything you did...don’t...don’t tell me...none of it was real?’

The way Dazai’s voice broke almost made Chuuya drop the pretense and run back to him, hold onto him like there was no tomorrow. Almost.

A sob was heard in the room.

Everyone watched as the infamous prodigy demon covered his face to prevent others from hearing his sobs.

Love...- Chuuya hugged Dazai tightly, hiding his head in his chest, trying to hide him from the world.

“I love you darling and I am so grateful that you chose to live for me,” Chuuya whispered as he hugged his husband.

The red glint of a sniper awaiting in the evening sun told him not to.

‘You saved my life, I saved yours. Do you really think that makes us even, Dazai?’ Chuuya pulled his coat away and made it to the doorway, looking over his shoulder to face Dazai. ‘Four years ago, you had to choose between a life as a detective or me, and you chose being a detective. Now I’m choosing being in the mafia or you. And I choose the Port Mafia.’

The door slammed shut behind him, and the charade shattered. The sobs from behind the door were loud and clear as Chuuya marched onward. As he stepped out the building, the last glint of sunlight left the bay, and deep shadows overtook the city.

Chuuya didn’t return to his apartment that night. His tears led him to Kouyou’s manor and her extensive wine cellar. Only alcohol would quell his tears that night.

Sorry Chuuya-Kouyou

It's not your fault Ane-san-Chuuya

If he had returned to his own home to drink himself to sleep, he would have woken up to see the body hanging from the noose in the morning sun.

Oh shit Dazai-The Agency

"Why did you do that darling?" Chuuya whispered in shock.

Because I have nothing to live for if it's not you-Dazai whispered back.

Chapter Text

Let's read Dazai being insecure and an overworked Chuuya-Me

Frankly put, Chuuya was so fucking done.

No, listen. This was absolutely not okay. For the last three weeks or so, Chuuya has had innumerable things to do at work. Honestly, the way he's been so fucking busy, one would think he worked as the CEO of some fancy, multi-millionaire trading business or something. That, instead of being a fucking mafioso, which he was.

He understood that yes, he was in fact one of the five executives of Port Mafia. Sure, it was a highly sought-after position and job description in Yokohama's Underworld. Which only goes on further to show that not everyone is qualified for such a task of being a very intimidating, terrifying mafioso.

Chuuya was scary, alright? He didn't even need guns to fire his bullets. If that's not the epitome of flashy, cool mafia man; literally what is?

Considering his many, very important qualifications for his sketchy job profile, Chuuya could totally see why he was so busy, even if it was to the point of being absolutely ridiculous lately. But god fucking damn it, he was tired of this bullshit, and one-hundred percent over this.

He just, really wanted to go home and be able to spend daylight hours in his beautiful penthouse. Chuuya genuinely couldn't remember the last time he didn't get home when it was already way past midnight. And the situation sucked even more because he had to wake up and drag his ass to work before the sun rose the next day. Well, was it even the next day if it was just a few hours later?

Who knows. It's not like Chuuya was the timekeeper Chronos or something. 

All that aside, the point remains that Chuuya has had the shittiest last month; where he has been so busy with his job as a mafia executive, that he has had no time to go home and properly get some rest, and maybe make dinner for his very annoying husband.

Husband ?-Kouyou

Dazai-Me

Chuuya just wanted a nice dinner with his husband, right? That's all he asked for. He was such a simple guy really. Which is why it's such a shame that there were about one hundred obstacles for his realistic goal to be fulfilled.

It's a simple request really-Atsushi

One fine Saturday, after like fifteen meetings and five missions and two hours of training new recruits, Chuuya made it very clear to anyone and everyone he could find that he was going to be on leave, and off his cellular devices for the evening and for all of the next day. 

Why does he have so much work? -Mori

There's a lot to do in the Mafia - The author shrugs her shoulders

It was clearly the weekend, and Chuuya has had more than enough of working his ass off, stuck in his suddenly suffocating office in the Port Mafia building. So, after informing everyone about his day off and requesting (read: warning) them to not call him, no matter what; Chuuya left the office without looking back. And way earlier than usual at that.

It's about time he took a break-Akutagawa

It was all according to his very important date plans, see. He left work around six, which means he had enough time to go shopping for ingredients and get home at a normal hour for a change, and then proceed to cook for himself and his husband. All of this just so they could have a nice dinner at home, and spend time drinking and catching up on everything. They haven't had the chance to talk much lately, after all.

When Chuuya finally got home, bags of groceries floating int he air right behind him, the first thing he noticed was that shitty mackerel sprawled all over the couch, eyes trained on the pair of large windows in front of him. He wasn't really doing anything, his hands were idle, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that Dazai's mind was working overtime.

That's not good in those situations-Chuuya

Everyone looked at him

Chuuya just frowns at the screen.

Now that Chuuya paid a little more attention, didn't Dazai actually look really fucking terrible? He hasn't had the chance to see his husband recently, but there was no doubt that he looked worse off than the last time they spoke properly. The eyebags under his eyes had darkened immensely, and he definitely looked thinner and paler.

Everyone frowned

Chuuya has really tried to cook and leave food in the fridge for his partner; over the last hellish three weeks too. He tried his best to wake up half an hour early, just so he could fix something for lunch so his shitty partner could eat everyday, and eventually not die of starvation.

But between work and still trying to take care of that bastard, Chuuya somehow completely failed to notice that Dazai didn't look well at all?

Presently, he set the bags of groceries on the kitchen counter before making his way to his partner. Reaching his hand out to gently touch the other's cheek, Chuuya spoke softly, "Dazai. Hi!"

The detective lazily turned his head to face the newcomer, "Hello, Chuuya."

And see, this was probably the point in a series of events that led to Chuuya's very perfect date night in being delayed by quite a lot, and for ridiculous reasons.

The redhead nudged his partner, silently asking him to scoot over so the couch could be shared by the two them. As he made himself comfortable, he let his head rest against his partner's shoulder, "Hi. What's up? How are you?"

Dazai unconsciously slipped an arm around the other's waist, "Hm? I'm alright. What about you?"

Chuuya couldn't help but frown, "I'm fine, but... There's no nicer way to put this, but you look absolutely terrible, dude."'

It was rather obvious that Dazai's laugh was fake, "Eh, but I still look better than you, ne? Chuuya is just a unstylish slug after all."

The mafioso ribbed the other, laughing softly, "Quit it. I haven't seen you in weeks somehow, and you're still this annoying."

Now, Chuuya was very familiar with his husband. They have known each other for eight long years, and normally, Chuuya knew exactly what that asshole was going to say. They knew each other like the back of their hands, and Dazai must have rubbed off on him, because normally Chuuya could definitely predict what shitty things he was going to say from like, a mile away.

What Dazai said right now, however, was completely unexpected. And it was nearly impossible to catch Chuuya off-guard whenever that shitty bastard was concerned.

As for what said shitty bastard said, he merely sat there and blinked, "Oh. I'm sorry."

Why are you apologizing? -Chuuya

Well, it was safe to say that Chuuya's jaw dropped at that, "Huh? Why are you apologising?"

Dazai huffed, fiddling with his fingers excessively, "You said I'm still annoying you, so..."

Chuuya spoke incredulously, "And I say that all the time. Because you're always very annoying, oi! So why..."

His partner slowly pulled away from him, choosing to maintain a little distance between them as he thumbed his wedding ring, "I just don't want Chuuya to hate me."

For a few seconds, the mafioso just sat there and blinked. Downright stared at the other. Then, he went ahead to pick a very wrong time to make the obvious joke, "Eh, but don't I hate you already?"

"You shouldn't have said that," Dazai whispered to Chuuya on the screen.

Chuuya looked at his husband worried

Chuuya's heart just about shattered when he noticed how utterly broken his partner looked. He's seen that bastard in so many different situations, but never this broken. Never this... Whatever the fuck the adjective was for someone who looked like they wanted to resume their suicidal fantasies after having given up on it for multiple years. 

Damn-Chuuya grabbed Dazai and hugged him tightly.

You know that's not me right-Dazai whispered into the hug.

"I don't care," Chuuya whispered back

Dazai chuckled dryly, his voice betraying pure hurt of its own accord, "I see."

With growing concern, Chuuya wrapped his hand around the other's wrist, gently caressing old scars with his thumb, "Shitty Dazai, you hate me too, don't you? It's just something we say. It doesn't mean anything, of course. You know I love you, hon. So, what's wrong?"

He must have said something wrong, or out of character, because his partner whirled around to face him once again, eyes blown wide and lips parted in surprise. Then, the very confusing bastard spoke up, "What did you just call me?"

Chuuya raised an eyebrow, "Hon?"

Just for a brief second, Dazai's face split into a smile, "You..."

His partner rolled his eyes, "I call you that all the time. Why are you so surprised?"

For a few seconds, Dazai said nothing. Then he looked away somewhat shyly, as he muttered under his breath loudly, "You haven't recently."

"What?"

Once again, there was silence. Neither of the duo said anything. The older of them choosing to remain quiet and let the other speak whenever he was comfortable doing so. Between tightly gripped hands and slightly anxious breaths, Dazai must have finally decided to snap out of it, and actually venture into the miraculous concept of communication.

In the quietest of voices, he asked genuinely, "Chuuya, can I ask you something?"

The other nodded immediately, without any room for hesitation, "Of course. Anything."

Still fiddling with his wedding ring nervously, Dazai finally spoke up clearly after a few seconds, "Seriously asking; Chuuya, are you bored of me?"

...

...?

WHAT!-Chuuya shouted

Dazai was startled by the volume.

"How the hell am I going to get bored of you?" Chuuya asked genuinely.

I haven't been bored in 7 years and I'm going to be bored now-Chuuya

Chuuya blinked once, twice. He had swore never to make light of anything Dazai had to say seriously ever, and he'd swore that a really long time ago. He wasn't going to go against his own rules now, so he simply settled on, "Excuse me?"

Dazai huffed, "I asked, are you bored of me? Do you not like me anymore?"

Chuuya allowed himself about four seconds to gather his thoughts, just so he could respond to such a stupid question with utmost sincerity. Clearly, that didn't work because he ended up sounding way too indignant, "Shitty Dazai, that's such a stupid question!"

The other huffed some more, quieter now, "I'm serious."

Chuuya leaned forward, so he could pinch his partner's cheeks, "You idiot, I know. Dazai, holy shit. Hon, you know I love you so much. I could never be bored of you. Also let me get this clear; I have never once liked you, okay? You're just a shitty bastard anyway. But god, I love you so much. And you know that. So what kind of question is that?!"

Dazai whined, "You're so mean to me, Chuuya! How rude!"

The redhead snorted, "Says the bastard who asked me for divorce once."

Everyone looks at Dazai

"Hey, that's unfair! That was obviously not real."

"Yeah, yeah. That was some weird dog-contract papers disguised as divorce papers. Wait. Is this situation today something like that? What's wrong, dude?"

I would do it perfectly-Dazai

Dazai bit his lip, deciding to answer seriously, "Well... You just haven't been home much recently. And even though you still cook me food, I was wondering if you do that because you feel obligated to. And in reality you're just bored of me, and you hate me, and you don't want to be with me anymore but because you're just a chibi, you're too nice to say that to my face and that's why you don't come home anymore because you don't wat to see me."

If I didn't love you I would throw you out of my house - Chuuya snorts

Chuuya couldn't help but burst out laughing, without meaning to, "What? Okay, okay. You're rambling; breathe, hon. Dazai, I promise I have just been so fucking busy at work. We have a large group of new recruits, plus executive meetings and all that. It's been ridiculously busy. I also promise I make you food because I want to take care of you, damn it. Why the fuck would you think I feel obligated?"

Dazai mumbled, "Because Chuuya is too nice to me."

The other laughed some more softly, before raising a hand to pat fluffy brown hair, "That's because I love you. And I think you're so pretty, and I just. I just love you."

Dazai's lips parted briefly, before he got too flustered and went ahead to hide his face in his partner's shoulder, "That's so unfair, Chuuya."

Chuuya kissed his silly partner and Dazai enjoyed the kiss

Chuuya groaned indignantly, "Didn't you just say you thought I was bored of you and that I didn't love you anymore? And I'm telling you I love you so much, yet you have a problem with that? The fuck, bastard?"

"Chuuya is just stupid."

"I'm not, and that's irrelevant to this conversation. Besides, I wouldn't indulge you with all those ridiculous emails you send me if I didn't love you. Why the fuck would you think I don't love you anymore?"

Dazai looked up, facing him directly as he admitted, "Because I think I'm unlovable."

"You deserve love, darling." Chuuya kissed him on the cheeks and Dazai laughed.

Chuuya's whole personality softened immediately, and he leaned forward to press a kiss to the other's head, "You're not. You're not unlovable. I promise. I love you."

Averting his gaze, Dazai went ahead to admit something even more ridiculous, "And... You haven't been calling me any of those disgusting nicknames lately. So, I thought..." He trailed off at that, refusing to say anything more.

Chuuya grinned at him, "I fucking knew you liked those, damn it. Baby, I love you so much."

"I do not! It's just-"

"Uh huh. Whatever you say, honey."

"Okay, you're not listening to me, Chuuya-"

"But I am listening, sweetheart. What's up?"

"That's so! Stop that!"

"But you just admitted you missed the overuse of disgusting nicknames, darling."

Dazai scoffed, "I just missed Chuuya."

Chuuya beamed at him, imitating him for just a few seconds, "Waaah, I missed you too, honey!"

Dazai rolled his eyes, leaning forward to kiss his partner, "Stop that. But, I love you too."

The redhead merely chuckled as he stood up from the couch, "I know. Anyway, I wanted to make ramen for you today, damn it! I haven't even prepped the ingredients yet."

Needless to say, the duo migrated to the kitchen from the living room, Dazai following his partner, "Eh, aren't you home early today?"

Chuuya hummed as he rummaged through the bags of groceries, "Oh? Yeah. I figured we should have dinner together and talk about stuff. I haven't talked to you in a while."

Dazai teased, laughing, "You had a date night in mind, did you?"

The other just shrugged, "'Yeah. By the way, do you want whiskey?"

Choosing to ignore the first half of the sentence, the genius spoke, "I'll have some of your wine today, I suppose."

"Hah?! But you don't even like wine!"

"Doesn't matter. Chuuya should share some of his wine to apologise for not giving me enough attention."

"What the fuck. I'm sorry about that, but that's my wine?!"

"And what's yours is mine, ne?"

Chuuya paused his ingredient prepping, just to look right at his partner and declare, "Yeah, but in the end, you are mine, so I win."

For a few seconds, Dazai said nothing. Then, he absolutely buried his face in his arms, wailing very loudly, "Chuuya, that's disgusting! Cringe! Gross!"

Really disgusting-Dazai hid his face in Chuuya's neck and Chuuya patted him on the head.

See, Chuuya has had enough time to learn exactly what weapons to use against certain shitty mackerels. He merely laughed as he tapped his partner on the head gently, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. But yes, alright. You can have some of my wine today."

When the other still failed to say anything in response, Chuuya just rolled his eyes, muttering out loud, "If I'm bored of him, he asks. As if I ever could, idiot."

Exactly-Chuuya smiled proudly.

A while later, Dazai finally decided to lift his previously flustered face, and then he announced, "Chuuya said he doesn't like me, but I like Chuuya. I love you, but I like you too."

To that, the mafioso just snorted, "That's because I'm plenty likeable, unlike you. But no, curse my shitty tastes in men."

Adding to that, in a very fake regrettable voice, "Yeah, yeah. I like you too."

"I love you," Chuuya whispered to his husband.

And I to you - Dazai responded

Chapter Text

Vale la historia que voy a contar en realidad paso hace algunos meses-Yo

When it came to the foods he liked, it was no secret that for Atsushi chazuke comes first.

You really love it-Izumi

Atsushi blushed.

It was one of the few delicacies he could get in the orphanage, even if that meant stealing.

It was the first pleasant thing about the world he had discovered.

Yes, Atsushi liked Chazuke immensely.

That is until he had discovered Dazai-san's cooking.

He wasn't the only one that was surprised.

"If you can cook this well why didn't you do so sooner?!" Yasano looked both angered and blissed at the same time from the heavenly food she was eating.

Dazai blinked at her before bluntly speaking "Why should I when I can make others do it for me?"

True, that's why I always make him food-Chuuya

Chuuya's food tastes very good-Dazai

Kunikida immediately stood up from his seat and put his hands on the others shoulder.

“From here on out you’re cooking for us.”

“Nope~”

Is your cooking that good? -Kouyou asks surprised.

It really is-Chuuya

And so began the days where Dazai Osamu was pestered by everyone in the Agency.

It was the first time anyone had seen him genuinely annoyed.

Ranpo find an opening in the form of a mission.

"Dazai-kun~"

"No." The tone was uncharacteristically flat, along with the expression.

"But the culprit is one of the customers, and it will be easier to get evidence on them if you cooked the same dish."

His eye twitched.

"And maybe make some extra while you're at it~ You know I have blackmail material on you-"

"You and the rest of the agency can go and share one plate."

(Is it obvious that i am bullshitting a case?)

And so share one plate they did.

With no regrets.

Osamu had blinked as he looked at the small pieces of the dish in everyones plate.

It was baffling how blissed they looked despite having such a small piece.

"Is it really that good?"

Yes-The agency and Chuuya

Instead of giving an answer Naomi looked at Atsushi and asked.

"Atsushi, what's your favorite dish?"

"Dazai-san's cooking."

And that was the deal breaker.

Dazai resigned himself to being their preferred chef and cooked them proper food.

So now for Atsushi, when it came to food, Chazuke came second.

Dazai looked surprised at Atsushi knowing that he preferred his food to Chazuke.

"Your food is really good." Atsushi smiled at his mentor.

Not only good-Ranpo

It deserves a Michelin star-Yosano

Wow-Dazai looks at everyone surprised

Can you cook a little honey? -Chuuya asked and lowered himself to making puppy dog eyes.

The entire agency, including the president, who never tried Dazai's food but always heard good things about it, had puppy eyes.

"Stop looking at me with those eyes." Dazai tried to look away.

Please-Q, Izumi, Atsushi and Akutagawa said at the same time

Okay-Dazai sighed.

Yes! -They all shouted

You can use the kitchen there-The author pointed to a door that led to the kitchen.

Dazai entered the kitchen and an hour later came out with a covered tray.

Everyone was sitting at the table talking quietly.

Dazai put the plate on the table and said good taste as he lifted the lid to show a pot of ramen and Wagashi for dessert.

Everyone said Itadakimasu and started eating

After the first bite everyone sighed with happiness

Delicious-Izumi, Atsushi, Akutagawa, Gin, Yosano and Q

Really good-Kunikida and Fukuzawa

Oh god I'm in heaven-Ranpo and Elise

You really deserve a Michelin star-Kouyou

One or five, this is delicious Dazai-Hirotsu

Mori smiled at how good he was

"Marry me" Chuuya says full of adoration.

Chibi we are already married-Dazai smiled amused

"Then prepare me food and not only on our anniversary." Chuuya smiled saying, "I'll do whatever you want."

Dazai laughed a little under his hand.

I guess I can prepare some meals from now on-Dazai

I love you so much-Chuuya smiled very happily at her husband.

Dazai smiled back and started eating his ramen.

It's good to know that everyone likes it - Dazai thought and he couldn't get the happy smile off her face throughout the meal.

-----------------------

I love the Headcanon of Dazai who knows how to cook too much, I also like the one of Dazai who is good with children 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

In my head Ranpo offered him a lot of money and time to hang around the office in exchange for Dazai making him sweets

I imagine ranpo as: https://www.tiktok.com/@besttimmyvinn/video/6962225716234603782

Chapter Text

This actually happened two weeks ago-Me

„Too bad Atsushi had to take on that mission. Still, I can't believe Kunikida made me of all people play nurse. He'd fit the role a thousand times better, being the mother and all!”

Dazai brushed a hand through his hair, sullenly pouting before he glances at the person he's supposed to take care of. Kyouka does not bother to give him a verbal reply. She sits peacefully on the small couch she and Atsushi bought two months ago, red nosed, hair a greasy mess, bundled up in a mountain of blankets with her stuffed rabbit held in her arms.

Kunikida is the worst, he thinks. To make him take care of a sick girl…he doesn't know how to care for fragile people, or even himself most of these days. He doubts Kyouka thinks he's capable of that either, but she respectfully doesn't say anything.

You are surprisingly good with children-Chuuya

Kunikida widens his eyes

True-The Akutagawa Brothers Say

You are a great big brother-Q

Thanks little one-Dazai ruffles his brother's hair

Perhaps, next time he'd simply vanish or make himself as invisible as possible.

They sit in awkward silence for a few minutes until Kyouka coughs and sneezes harshly.

“Just can't shake that cough, huh?”

Dazai smiles, reaches over and hands her another pack of tissues to add to her pile on the table. It's a bit disgusting, but she's as pale as her ability might imply, so he doesn't wrinkle his nose.

“At this rate, we're going to need more tissues.”

“When is he coming back?”

“In a few hours. Is my company that bad?” He quickly pushes on before she can answer in her hoarse voice, taking of his coat and throwing it over the back of his end of the couch. “Do you want anything? Food? More blankets? To play a game? It's got to be boring to just sit around all day.”

He might as well stay and do his job for once. A promise is a promise, he knows from experience it's not pleasant to be sick. Dim lights inside an otherwise pitch-black room, the smell of blood and the cleaning supplies he's tried to drink once are sharp in his nose. Mori's tall frame leaning over his bed, Elise sitting in a chair drawn up for visitors. Their voices mingling into each other as his head spins from the medicine Mori had insisted on him taking—

“Food.”

“Anything specific?” Dazai forces the images out of his mind and hums a little. Kyouka sniffles, wiping her nose as he tries not to show his disgust.

“Okayu please.”

“All right. Well, I will be back in a few minutes—”

“No,” Kyouka says firmly as he blinks dumbfounded. “it's raining. I don't…want to be alone, so stay. We have food in the kitchen.”

“You want me to…cook?”

She nods at his baffled question, though there's a tint of pink on her cheeks. That has to be the first time someone wants him to stay, to cook since—

“I can't remember the last time I had a home cooked meal made by someone.”

“Kouyou taught you well. At least, finish your tea before it goes cold.”

She complies, holding the mug with both hands and sips as he walks into the kitchen. He quickly finds the ingredients he would need and to his dismay he finds exactly what he needs to make Okayu. His stomach growls loudly, reminding him he's forgotten to eat the last few days.

"How many times have I told you to remember to eat?" Chuuya scolded him.

I'm doing it, almost always-Dazai

Chuuya shot him a look.

"Well, every two or three days," Dazai answered honestly.

It's better than once a day-Chuuya

It's better than to be asked to make curry, he thinks as he starts to cook. The rain is a muted background noise, pattering against the windows, drowning out Kyouka's coughing from the living room.

When he returns, blue eyes light up when the food is set down. He's sits down quietly. There's an uncomfortable sensation curling in his stomach as Kyouka mumbles her thanks and reaches for her spoon before tasting it.

It feels like he forgets how to breath as she chews and swallows. He wonders if she can even taste it or if she thinks he's poisoned it. The stiffness in her shoulders told him about her wariness, though he can't blame her. His former association with Mori must have made her uneasy. Her movements halt. She titles her head to look up at him sideways with an expression of delighted wonder on her sickly face that makes his mouth run dry.

“It's delicious. Can I eat all of that?”

“Of course, it is! I know more about the okayu-making process than anyone else, but don't you want to leave some for Atsushi?”

The conflicted expression on her face is enough to soothe the bottomless pit that threatened to choke him a few seconds ago. He chuckles.

“If you won't get sick—”

A loud growl interrupts the playful air and blue eyes go wide before they narrow. Kyouka divides the rice porridge in two parts of the plate and pointedly pushes it towards him. All protests gets shut down with the stubbornness the girl had stared down Fukuzawa.

Dazai concedes defeat only because fighting against a sick little girl that looks ready to force the food down his throat despite her fragile appearance is too much work and he might be a little hungry.

“I'm full.”

The corner of her lips are pulled slightly downwards at her confession, like she's mourning the fact that she can't eat more than half of her plate. He nods, reaching to take her plate to put it into the fridge for her to eat later. Only for his hand to wind up petting her head instead.

“That means you will have more for later. There's no need to be sad, think about teasing Kunikida for getting me to cook for you. That's not an easy accomplishment.”

A few years ago, it might have been, he thinks as he moves to take away the food. Kyouka blinks. When he returns from his short trip to the kitchen, she's buried herself even further into her cocoon of blankets, only her mop of hair and her eyes peeking out.

“Being sick sucks.”

“It certainly does. Next time try to tell someone before it gets this bad. Otherwise, you'll give poor Kunikida a heart attack. While the sight is hilarious, without Yosano to heal him, it might be inconvenient for the rest of us. Imagine the paperwork Atsushi would have to do if Kunikida is out of commission.”

Dazai grins when Kyouka cracks a smile, despite the hypocrisy of his words. The thought of telling anyone when he himself was sick would have never crossed his mind. In the Mafia, you'd power through, weakness like that wasn't allowed. As long as he could stand, he could avoid being Mori's subject, being forced to rest in the quietness of a room with only his thoughts to keep him company.

Chuuya frowned.

"Above all I tell you," Dazai whispers and rests his head on Chuuya's shoulder.

“What was it like?”

“I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.”

Kyouka frowns at his attempt to play dumb. She clears her scratchy throat with a slight wince.

“What was it like being sick in the Mafia?” She hesitates with her next words but pushes on regardless. “I never have been sick since joining and Akutagawa's health is poor, but he seems to do well. So, I wanted to ask…since I can't imagine it being pleasant with…with…”

“Then don't.”

She startles at his airy, but flat tone of voice. Dazai shifts on his seat, glancing away to look at his phone. To his disappointment, little time has passed and the time where Atsushi would return are hours away.

I finished your reports. At least try to be good. Even you should know that suicide by sickness wouldn't be pleasant.

The message Kunikida has sent him makes his skin itch in uncomfortable ways. Be good. He's trying. In more ways than he can count, but he isn't sure what it means to be good. What people expect a person who has only known how to hurt, how to kill, to know about being in the light.

“—cold.”

“That's no good! I'll go get you some more blankets.”

Kyouka is shivering when he moves to get them from his apartment. He grabs them and bundles them up into a bag, as he hurries to avoid getting soaked. When he strolls into the living room, he freezes and drops the bag.

“Hey, Kyouka—” Dazai is crouches next to her bundled form, unconscious on the floor and shakes her firmly. “—wake up. Kyouka!”

She doesn't respond and his throat closes up. He half expects to draw his hand back and to see blood coating his fingers. He manhandles her out of her blankets, scoops her up in his arms. Her clothes are sweat soaked, and he can feel her heat through them.

“Yosano—”

He cuts himself off with a curse. She's away on a case with Ranpo and probably wouldn't be able to take a call anyway. That leaves him with different options, but the most rational one lets the fog of panic clear up. A glance at Kyouka's bright flushed cheeks confirms his decision.

He won't call Mori.

“Water…I need to get your temperature down.”

Dazai is careful not to drop her as he tries to recall what Chuuya told him once when Kouyou had taken care of him while sick. Most of it were insults hurled his way for never getting sick, and how much of a freak he must be, but he's sure Chuuya said something about baths and temperatures.

At least you listened to me-Chuuya

He sets her down, peels away the layers of clothing until she's wearing her underwear and a thin shirt and lays her into the tube. He makes sure the water which fills the tube is lukewarm and not freezing and waits.

He should have confessed to not knowing how to care for a fever. He isn't good at this. Being gentle, caring for people. He isn't Odasaku—

“…where?”

“Safe,” Dazai says, the tightening grip around his heart easing at her glassy blue eyes. “you're safe. We're in your apartment. You ate tofu half an hour ago with me, remember?”

She whimpers, lifting her hand and he impulsively grips it tightly into his own. She seems to relax at the contact.

“I feel hot.”

“I know, but you'll overheat yourself with too many layers and cold water would make you even hotter even if it feels nice.”

He keeps his voice soothing and soft as he uses his free hand to wet all of her hair, taking a few strands to push them behind her ear. She clearly has difficulties to focus and the light seems to hurt her eyes. He doesn't move to stand up though, her hand is small compared to his and she clings to it with surprising strength.

“You're wet.”

Kyouka mumbles after another ten minutes of sitting in the tube with Dazai making sure the water hasn't gotten too cold. Her skin is warm, but no longer close to boiling so he lifts her out of the tube and sets her down on the closed toilet seat.

“Says the person who's soaked to the bone. Don't worry, I'll get us some fresh clothes in a minute. Just stay here and try not to faint again. Dying from a heart attack isn't how I pictured my suicide to be and I'd prefer it if my partner would be a woman and not a small girl. Big Sis would try to bring me back to life only to kill me again for that and then go after Mori for corrupting me.”

hahahaha-Izumi

I certainly would-Kouyou

Her hair is warped up on top of her head and Dazai warps one big towel around her frame before he rushes out. He grabs a thin shirt and some light sweat pants for Kyouka while he unbuttons his vest and throws it in some corner.

The sound of his wet vest hitting the floor is drowned out by loud thunder roaring once, then twice as the sky lights up.

He hears a startled noise from the bathroom and finds Kyouka huddled in a corner, trembling, legs pulled up to her chest.

“Kyoukaaaaaa, I have got you clothes!”

Dazai says in a sing-song voice, drawling her name out like it's the newest pop hit. He makes sure to make his voice louder as he shuts the door. She looks up at him, unease written over her furrowed brows even if her face looks as expressionless as always.

“Now, let's see here. You'll change into your clothes and I will blow dry your hair. Your bunny is all alone on the couch, wouldn't it be nice to snuggle with him and a blanket while I close all the windows? If you behave, I might even tell you—”

“A bedtime story?” She cuts in, raising her head a little. Childish hope is shining in her eyes and he swallows down the words and smiles pleasantly.

“Sure, I'll tell you a bedtime story,” He winks for good measures and it seems to do the trick because Kyouka is starting to change into her set of clothes and he looks away. “and you can brag to Atsushi all about it, later.”

“I'm done.”  

She says and holds out her arms to him. Dazai stares at her pale face, her pink cheeks, red nose and the coughs that make it past her lips and lifts her up into his arms while he takes the blow dryer with him.

She buries her head into his neck and he doesn´t tell her off even if the possibility of getting sick himself increases with her gems so close.

Be good.

—save the weak and protect the orphans—

She's light enough for him to carry back to the living room without too much trouble. Kyouka doesn't complain. She lets him dry her hair and he finds it hard to take his eyes of her.

“There, all done.”

He puts the device away and takes the thinnest blanket he can find. Kyouka takes it, warps herself in it and reaches for a new box of tissues that's left on the table. There aren't many windows, but he makes sure that they're all shut and the curtains drawn close.

“Sit down here.”

Kyouka points directly next to her and he complies. She settles herself to lean on him and her head winds up on his lap.

Dazai is utterly confused and lost.

“You promised me a bedtime story.”

She reminds him, pointedly glancing up at him and she seems content to remain where she is. Dazai's hands hover uselessly as he muses where to put them and settles for brushing back her bangs while laying one of his arms over the back of the couch. She lends into his touch much to his surprise.

“I did, didn't I? What kind of story do you want to hear?”

A short laugh forces itself through his lips as he tries to relax his stiff limps. The stories he's told Elise when she's been set on bothering him weren't exactly what he might imagine a bedtime story to be.

“Something realistic. I don't want a fairy tale.”

“Realistic,”

He repeats, trying to think of anything. Most of them are horrid, too cruel for him to tell her when she could be having nightmares later due to her state. A few missions with Chuuya come to mind, but he finds himself reluctant to tell them in this …relaxed atmosphere they found themselves in.

Memories fill his mind, some too personal for him to reveal even if they would have been suitable, others making his eyes go a little darker, his chest a little hollower.

“There has been a time and a place where three specific rabbits would meet—”

Kyouka raises an eyebrow at that, but doesn't interrupt him as he keeps on telling her the story. It's difficult not to let –something—show on his face. He manages to keep his voice even, the up-beat lit present and she listens. Little hums or small changes in her expression tell him she's attentively paying attention to him.

“Does the rabbit that works have glasses?”

Dazai nods wisely.

“So, the glasses-wearing rabbit was a workaholic, but interesting. Which is why the red and black rabbit decided to make him leave to share a drink. Since they were covered in the stench of a rubbish bin, they decided to try to suffocate the workaholic rabbit with a hug, at the same time rubbing their scent onto him, so that he would be forced to leave.”

“Did he scream?”

“Just like a girl.” Dazai grins when she snorts.

“As they shared drinks, it became a thing for them to meet up every now and then to share a drink between work. Sadly, all good things seem to come to an end.”

He quietly tells her a skim version of what happened, leaving things out and adding a few other details to make it less personal. When he finishes, Kyouka is quiet, her stuffed toy tightly held in her arms.

If it had not been for her eyes, he would have thought she had fallen asleep.

“I used to be scared of you.”

Her voice is quiet, like she's confessing a secret and he keeps a smile on his face.

“I see.”

“Your eyes…they were like those of the…of the Boss. You weren´t scared when I came to capture you and you made me helpless. I didn't like any of those things. You're dangerous. And the way they spoke about you…”

“Only good things I hope!”

Kyouka doesn't seem amused and her eyes are dark. “But I'm not anymore. Because without you I wouldn't have Atsushi. I would still be in the dark, never having seen light, never having the chance to see it, if it wasn't for you pulling the strings to get me out of prison and giving me a chance to join the Agency. You didn't have any of those and you´re here. That's all I need to trust you.”

“Some of us do wander in the dark for eternity.”

She seems to understand his warning, but she doesn't seem worried. It's unsettling, so he tacks on the driest look he can manage.

“Do I look like such a reliable person to you?”

“Yes.”

She's blunt, too blunt for him to hide his shock which soon morphs into a smile that might have come a bit easier than expected.

“You know, Kunikida's face would have been priceless at hearing you say that. Make sure to repeat it to him tomorrow if you're feeling better.”

She sneezes into his lap and that's all the confirmation he needs as he runs his hand through her hair. She blows her nose and nuzzles her head into his palm, a sigh of relief at what he guesses is the cooling touch of No Longer Human working.

Kyouka is quiet for the next half an hour, simply resting. The noise of thunder has stopped, so she no longer jumps at any noises. He considers buying her a cheap pair of headphones for her birthday, when her soft mumble reaches his ears.

“Do you truly believe what you said to me during my Exam?”

“Yes,” Dazai glances at his coat, thinks about the weight of a matchbox inside one of his pockets and the smell of spicy curry. “I do.”

“I think so too,” She yawns, face peaceful as she closes her eyes. She shifts a few times to get more comfortable. “I never had someone tell me a bedtime story before.”

He waits for her breathing to ease out, before he speaks, voice quiet.

“Me neither.”

Is this being good? Am I doing good? Is this what you wanted for me?

Yes at all-Chuuya rests his head against Dazai's

None of these questions are voiced, but he thinks he knows the answer from at least two people. The pit of his stomach is tingling with warmth he only has felt while drinking whiskey in good company and his body is weightless like he's on the verge of getting what he has wished for without the crushing disappointment afterwards.

“I think I understand why you liked them so much, Odasaku.”

The sound of the door being opened is what makes him move. He gently moves Kyouka of his lap and heads towards the door with his vest, bag and coat in hand.

“She's sleeping. Have a good night, Atsushi.”

The boy stutters out a reply, confusion showing on his face at his quick leave. He watches the down-pour, sets his bag down in front of his door and instead of opening his door, turns to walk down the street.

He longs for the taste of whiskey on his tongue and smiles when he catches the light of a red neon sign.

The next week, everything is back to normal. Kyouka is back, has gotten a lecture from Kunikida on health, together with Yosano who had returned and had checked her over before clearing her for working.

“You work too much—huh?”

Dazai feels a tug at his coat in the middle of another argument with Kunikida and looks down to see Kyouka staring up at him with her passive face. The office goes quiet at once.

“I want food.”

“Suits you right Dazai. Go and buy her some lunch—”

“No,” Kyouka cuts in sharply and Kunikida gapes as she takes a step forward, close enough that she's almost clinging to the brunette. “I want your cooking, please.”

“Now?”

Dazai asks stupefied, completely caught of guard by the request and he's sure he hears someone choking in the background. She nods twice, twin tails flying with the movement as she pulls him towards their small kitchen.

“Okayu again?”

“I want some sweets!”

Ranpo's childish demand easily finds it´s way to them. Kyouka frowns, before she shrugs. There's no surprise that she managed to stock the fridge inside their office full of ingredients and he sighs and nods.

“All right, but you'll have to get Atsushi to do my report that Kunikida has been bugging me about!”

Atsushi's protests are cut short as Kyouka nods. Dazai makes a shooing motion with his hand and pointedly ignores half the office watching him from the door as he hums and sets to start on his cooking.

It doesn't take too long for him to finish and he laughs when Atsushi and Naomi scramble away from the door and pretend to have been working.

“Here you go!”

Kyouka goes for the plate of Okayu, snatching a bowl for herself and Kunikida eyes the food with a raised brow. He looks like he might think the food will bite him.

“Are you sure that's not poisonous? This isn't some scheme about a group suicide, right?”

“Kunikidaaaaa! How rude. I'd never poison you.”

Dazai whines, pouting and crossing his arms in offensive. The blonde sighs pushes up his glasses and hesitantly reaches for a small bowl of rice porridge himself.

“It tastes…pretty good actually.”

Kunikida sounds pleasantly confused and Ranpo´s loud chewing is hard to miss. The squeezing sensation in Dazai's chest is back all of a sudden and to his own confusion, his face feels a bit warmer than previously. It's a stark contrast against the usual coldness he feels.

“I know who's going to make me sweets from now on! If you're going to pay me with that, I might bully Kunikida into letting you laze around in the office more often.”

“Atsushi's crying!”

“N—No! I just have something in my eye!” The white-haired boy sniffles, wiping hastily at his eyes. “It's not my fault! I never had someone make me a meal before aside from Kyouka!”

“What's up with your face, Dazai? Wait—can it be…Are you embarrassed?”

Suddenly having all eyes directed at him, he pointedly looks away, trying to desperately cool the blush on his cheeks he knows must be there. It's mortifying, a reaction he doesn't know how to deal with. It doesn't feel like embarrassment, more a squishy feeling low in his stomach and he tries not to think about how this has to be the first time someone aside from his friend has praised a skill that hasn't been useful for hurting or involved his intelligence.

He can't deny that it feels nice, which is why he lets Ranpo tease him, doesn't try to hide much of the flush that is apparently on his cheeks and coos over Atsushi's tears to which the boy's face goes up in flames.

Chapter Text

Today they are going to read Hirotsu and Dazai, this happens a little before Fyodor attacks the city-Me

Hirotsu walked out of Mori’s office with a sigh.

How am I supposed to complete this mission? If Dazai is still anything like how he was, this is going to be such a headache.

He turned a corner and quickly stepped aside, seeing Chuuya walking towards him.

Right.

I’m going to have to deal with him, too, aren’t I? I don’t know why or how, but they seem to keep in contact with each other and always show up to rescue one another, for some reason.

Soukoku Telepathy -Ranpo

Leave it as they are-Me

Yet they still say they hate each other…

Love hate-yosano

He took a deep breath, and quickly composed himself. He didn’t have the luxury of standing around doing nothing, as the jobs he got thanks to his position as head of the Black Lizard were often quite the handful.

Well. Time to get started.

He still didn’t get why Mori suddenly wanted to be more insistent, since the offer was always there, but the Boss decided that apparently now was the time to make Dazai rejoin the ranks of the Port Mafia executives.

‘’I want to reignite the terror of the Demon Prodigy.’’ Those were his last words before dismissing the man.

And so Hirotsu drove all the way to the other side of the town. He had no idea where Dazai currently lived, so going to his house wasn’t an option. It wouldn’t be either way, since that would be too suspicious.

Going to café Uzumaki and settling down near the window with his face towards the glass had a much better chance of getting to talk to him.

And sure enough, after some time a beige coated individual sat down in front of him, setting a steaming mug of coffee down on the table.

Hirotsu lifted his own coffee from the table, drank some, and then continued to stare at it.

The silence didn’t last very long. ‘’Talk. What are you doing here?’’

The old man lifted his head and looked at Dazai.

‘’The boss sent me. He wanted me to hand you this.’’

He pulled out a sealed envelope, and put it down on the table.

‘’I suggest you read it. I’m just here to answer some questions, as per Boss’ request.’’

Not that he had any idea of what those questions could be, though. To him, the case was clear cut: the Boss wanted Dazai back in his ranks. What further questions could there be?

Dazai opened the envelope, and read it. Slowly, a wicked grin spread over his face. Or at least, Hirotsu read is to be wicked. He wasn’t so sure how well he could read Dazai nowadays.

‘’Say, did he give an ultimatum?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Anything else he said before sending you away that stuck?’’

‘’He did say: I want to reignite the terror of the Demon Prodigy, but that’s it.’’

Dazai stayed silent for a moment.

‘’Keep an eye on Chuuya for me, will you?’’

Chuuya looked at Dazai.

I can't leave my dog unsupervised-Dazai

Chuuya sighs and just lets him get away with it this once.

Hirotsu nodded. ‘’Of course. Anything else?’’

‘’Tell Mori I’m not taking him up on his offer. I’ve got my own agenda regarding the issue already.’’

They both stood up, paying by the counter and then making their way to the exit.

Dazai turned his head towards Hirotsu, and sighed. ‘’Heh, still the same old Hirotsu-oji huh. Stay safe the next few days.’’

“I knew you cared about him-Mori said.

Dazai gave him the middle finger

They parted ways, and made it to their respective organisations. Surprisingly, Mori only hummed in acknowledgement at being told the story.

But it’s not like a non-executive would get an explanation anyway.

Chapter Text

( Story link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167698/chapters/37777205 )

Dazai getting kidnapped is a very common situation. Yosano getting kidnapped is less so, given how well-guarded she is in the Detective Agency. The both of them getting kidnapped, at the same time, no less, is something that Chuuya has never heard of.

Why does Dazai seem to be kidnapped every week? -Hirotsu

Because they do it, it's like a routine-Dazai

Until now, that is.

Three hours ago, Akutagatawa had all but barged into his office, Rashoumon flaring wildly around him and whispered, “The Jinko said Dazai-san has been gone for two weeks.” He leaves afterwards, when, presumably, said Jinko calls him, again.

Chuuya, not worried in the slightest, had shrugged and gone back to work on his ever increasing paper work (and headache). Dazai disappearing isn’t an alarming enough thing for him to actually have to expend some effort into thinking about it.

Well thanks-Dazai

You know you can free yourself from all those amateurs who are trying to kidnap you and if you can't I will break their bones-Chuuya

After all, the bastard had thought it was funny to leave Chuuya hanging for four years, what are two weeks?

He’s more interested in the fact that Akutagawa is actually conversing with someone other then Gin, really.

Especially someone from the ADA, of all places.

An hour later, he receives a text from an unknown number stating that Yosano Akiko is held in an abandoned warehouse about 30 miles east west from the Port Mafia, next to an abandoned hospital famous for it’s haunted grounds.

Hah, haunted.

Laughable.

Now, Chuuya mules over who’s sent him the message. His biggest guess if, of course, Dazai, but he’s not dumb enough as to rule out other options. Besides, whoever it was, had thought it prudent to send that specific information to Chuuya, instead of any the ADA, so it might as well be a trap. They really should stop drinking in public places.

Chuuya sighs, screenshots the message and braves himself.

It takes him a whole minute to gather enough courage to send it to Kouyou.

“I don’t quite see why you think I would care, lad.” Kouyou says to him briskly, a full ten minutes after his thumb hits send, standing in his room with an air of careful nonchalance.

He raises an eyebrow at her, because, really, does she think he doesn’t know?

“Well, I’d rather not lose the best drinking buddy I’ve had in ages and I know you won’t be happy with loosing the one person who you can actively converse with without looping their head off.” Chuuya answers, and continues before Kouyou could even get a word in. He’s going to say his part and he’s going to say it firmly, if he dies via Golden Demon, then so be it. “So, I’d say you do care.”

A flash of gold and his cupboard, once filled with expensive porcelain, crashes to floor. It’s been sliced in half, precisely in the middle.

Still better than his head.

“Flowers who have bloomed in darkness do not dese-”

“Dazai’s missing too, so, yeah.” Chuuya cuts her off. He’s really getting tired of hearing people say that a relationship between two opposing associations is forbidden. It kills the mood.

Kills the mood hahahahahaha-Ranpo

If he wants it, then he’ll get it, simple as that.

“So, I’m going to go get Yosano, and then I’m going to go get Dazai. Are you going to help or are you not?”

He leaves the Port Mafia base, revving down the streets on his motorcycle, at exactly 10:00 pm at night, minutes after he receives another message. This time it’s a picture of Dazai; he’s unconscious and bound, badly injured, laying on his side near an open coffin. Chuuya knows, instantly, where he is from the landmark carelessly included in the photo.

They have decided to die then-Chuuya

How such amateurs managed to get Dazai will forever be a mystery.

Probably got cocky, fucktards.

His phone pings with a message from Kouyou at 10:02 pm.

‘I will go for Akiko-kun, and you, lad, shall fetch our littlest brother.’

"Let's kill them until they're nothing but dust." Chuuya and Kouyou say while nodding.

Yosano and Dazai feel very loved right now

Chapter Text

https://youtube.com/shorts/0e8uBKG2VQU?feature=share

I love those three-I

Ranpo's answer👀-Kunikida

Now I want to do it-Dazai

X2-Yosano

The orphans-Ah

https://youtube.com/shorts/sBrZ-QGAfw8?feature=share

I'm sure that if I shipped them I would find few stories so I'm not going to try-Me

I only see them as friends-Ranpo

I don't like sharing-Dazai

He put me in a book-Chuuya

https://youtube.com/shorts/9DWDl_endCg?feature=share

The worst thing is that if it's the other way around Dazai would spend the game killing himself-Ranpo

And somehow I would end up winning-Yosano

And since he couldn't kill himself but he got a lot of money, he would go on his honeymoon to Hawaii with Chuuya-Me

I would-Dazai

https://youtube.com/shorts/d_xlTA9Lzyw?feature=share

Poe-Ranpo says with adoration

Serious pirate? -Hirotsu

Did you go to the guild? -Mori

I didn't know he could cry - Akutagawa

Scientist ? The world is going to explode-Chuuya

Dazai kept hahahaha-Atsushi

You look strange with long hair-Gin

At least he takes care of himself physically in a world-Hirotsu

*Everyone looks at Dazai without bandages*

"He seems truly happy." Chuuya smiled.

https://youtube.com/shorts/L7MX4kXRLzs?feature=share

It's obvious that they love me-Dazai says sarcastically.

You could get out perfectly-Ranpo

Yes, but what if I couldn't? -Asks Dazai curious.

Then we would rescue you within a month, or your boyfriend would break the door for us to rescue you before the month-Yosan

Mori as a good tutor-Me

...-All

Fukuzawa slaps Mori in the face-Why can't you be like that?

The truth is that they look good on him-Kouyou

Chuuya grabs Dazai by the shoulders and says "put on skirts"

Dazai shrugs "if you pay for it"

Chuuya smiled brightly.

How beautiful we turned out-All of the ones in the photo

Akutagawa looks like Alan from pokemon-Me

And Atsushi Norman from The promise of neverland-Me

Chuuya don't leave the child in the street-Kouyou

Step like a rocket-Atsushi

Dazai is too cute-Hirotsu

How do you forget that Child Dazai is with you? -Akutagawa

I wanted wine-Chuuya shrugs his shoulders.

Atsushi and Dazai are so cute-Everyone

So cute-Chuuya dies in happy chibi

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnNyEws/

Wow-All

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnNUG2e/

That was so nice-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnNabYs/

The truth is that it did work-Dazai

Dazai is very tired of them-Hirotsu

Yes I am-Dazai

Low blow brother-Gin

We are great at connecting people-Dazai

Yes-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnF82bw/

Good tocapelotas that I am-Dazai

Do you admit it? -Chuuya

What does it say about you that you will marry this tocapelotas? - Dazai

😶-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnCbRXQ/

I have to save you because you are not going to protect yourself-Chuuya

Of course, it's obviously not because you're worried -Dazai

Shut up-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnXQc79/

Awwww-Atsushi

Dazai kissed Chuuya and he ruffled his hair lovingly.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnXH28h/

Always darling-Chuuya kissed his forehead

Until death-Dazai squeezed his hand

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFn4HkHt/

I don't know why you make that face if it's true-Dazai

Shut up, you didn't even come out of the closet-Chuuya

Dazai shrugs.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFn4j65T/

Don't jump off bridges-Gin, Dazai, Chuuya

But-Akutagawa

NO-All three

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnqpNex/

We do let them get married 💪👌💪👌💪-La Mafia

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnbY7Fw/

Awwww they look for each other-Everyone

That video literally ends with us killing ourselves-Chuuya

What a nice double suicide-Dazai

Shut up you piece of shit how dare you drown me-Chuuya

There weren't many options -Dazai

You are a son of a bitch-Chuuya

But that's how you love me-Dazai

Unfortunately-Chuuya

Dazai smiles happily

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFnb7ByB/

🥴🥴🥴Open your legs under me-Chuuya

Dazai hits him-Pig

But I want sex 😭😭😭😭-Chuuya

Wow what an ugly case😞😞😞😃😃-Me

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFngjY8y/

We know it-All

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFW22BCX/

You see everything is your fault-Chuuya

Everyone wants to be my enemies😉-Dazai

You make us hate you😒-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWfY3N1/

Stay away now is ours-Yosano, Ranpo and Fukuzawa to Mori

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWfALAF/

That was a crazy Christmas-Kunikida

I think it was a great Christmas-Dazai

We had a good time-Hirotsu

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWfpxfU/

Money was the only good thing-Dazai

You can always come back-Mori

I can always steal from Chuuya😁-Dazai

Son of a bitch spend your money-Chuuya

I can't, I donated everything-Dazai

Why did you do that? -Akutagawa

Because I wasn't going to burn it-Dazai shrugs his shoulders.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWP5Dye/

Ajjajakajajjaja-Ranpo

Oh god hahahaha-Yosano

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣-Everyone

🤜🤛-Soukoku

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWPVRKW/

And that's why Hirotsu is my favorite - Dazai gave Mori the middle finger

Is that why you say random data when we are at home? -Chuuya

No, that's for you to learn things-Dazai

Of course whatever you say-Chuuya smiled at him saying I know you're lying but I'll humor you.

Chuuya kissed him on the cheek and whispered "I like your random facts."

Dazai just smiled happily at him, people always wondered how and why he remembered those data but in reality no one cared, they just told him that he was very intelligent.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWa1nqK/

That's why you always steal my hat-Chuuya

You look ugly with the hat on, I like you better without it on and playing with your hair is calming-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWaebat/

I was really scared-Dazai

I'm great, I know, thanks-Ranpo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWa1bkX/

Asshole which other? - Dazai

Ajjajakaja the one who fucks me best-Chuuya

That's it, you're out of food-Dazai

No loverrrr the food nooooo-Chuuya

No, fuck you-Dazai

Ranpo eating desserts that Dazai gave him at some point - That's what happens to you because you are idiot.

"That's a good lesson." Atsushi smiled at his mentor.

Gin smiled at his brother.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7qCqDs/

I'm-Dazai

It just flowed like the water of the rivers where I jump - Dazai puts on sunglasses from who knows where

Chapter Text

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF3dkLBA/

Wow beautiful circle we are in-Akutagawa with sarcasm

At least someone stopped it and we were half saved-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF3dPT62

Mori being to blame like in everything-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF3dBq99/

The truth is I want to know if Mori is like that because he likes to be or he is also part of the cycle of abuse-Me

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF3djASE/

What a disgusting life-Dazai

Let him burn he deserves it-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF3dxPBx/

F because no one saved Akutagawa-Me

I think he saved himself-Chuuya

Dazai nodded in agreement.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF3dqEgS/

Underestimation is such a wonderful thing-Dazai

Dazai kissed Chuuya's forehead-Thank you for not getting angry.

"I knew it wasn't a good environment for you." Chuuya squeezed his hands together.

How cute-Everyone

They take care of each other-Kouyou

Dazai kissed Chuuya's forehead

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwjVVcS/

They both are but well-Mori

Some are married-Hirotsu

And the others in a relationship -Gin

I just realized that most of the ADA hang out with the "enemy"-Dazai

everyone looks at him

Chuuya and I are married, Akutagawa and Atsushi are dating, Yosano and Kouyou are seeing each other, and Ranpo is dating Poe-Dazai.

Wow-Fukuzawa

Not to mention that the president and Mori dated at some point-Dazai

WHAT?!?! -All

That's not true-Mori

You left me taking care of Elise while you went to your dates-Dazai

True-Elise support her brother from chaos

*Mori disappears after a smoke bomb*

"And then they ask where I got the drama from," Dazai said as he cleared the smoke with his hand.

President?-Kunikida

It happened a long time ago -Fukuzawa

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwrtkrS/

A promise I won't break-Dazai rests his head on Chuuya's shoulder.

Chuuya kisses him on the head as a thank you.

It's very pretty-Atsushi

It is obvious that they trust each other.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwkNtgr/

I'm going to go but it's not like I'm going to do anything to you-Dazai

You never do anything - Kunikida

Then I won't do anything depressed-Dazai

You already do that-Ranpo

"Then I'll either put a real bullet in my head or call Chuuya." Dazai shrugs.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwk6jQS/

Awww-Everyone

He always does it-Dazai

You also help me on my bad days-Chuuya

Dazai nodded and intertwined their fingers.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwkLS5m/

Me every new year-Dazai

That's why you always get a New Year's bump-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwqoSW6/

I think that god I say your immortal by puto-Dazai

Yes-Ranpo

The truth-Yosano

Things as they are-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwbDne2/

Oh well I did it-Chuuya

😀😀😀-Kouyou and Hirotsu

😏😏😏👌👌👌-Ranpo and Yosano

Dazai opens his mouth and closes it again as he blinks repeatedly.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFwgj5b3/

They are too cute-Kouyou

I didn't know his confidence went so far-Hirotsu

Drunk Chuuya is cute-Atsushi

Don't believe, maybe you'll find the heartbroken Chuuya-Kouyou

Or the aggressive Chuuya-Hirotsu

The best of all is the sticky Chuuya-Dazai

How did he not die? -Higuchi

Because I am immortal and his husband-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFELLhgj/

Oh yes he is very scared-Yosano with sarcasm

So that's why Dazai couldn't walk for a week-Ranpo

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

Um huh 😊😵‍💫😊😵‍💫😊😵‍💫-Dazai

All mine-Chuuya hung like a koala on Dazai's back

Dazai patted his head in a daze.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFEFR84D/

He got rough-Ranpo

👁️👁️-All

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFEFHjqM/

You call me beautiful every time I wake up-Dazai

You're ugly when you lie-Chuuya

I lie all the time-Dazai

So you're ugly all the time-Chuuya

Fuck you-Dazai

Delighted, bring your ass so I can do it-Chuuya

Dazai throws a vase at him and screams in angry embarrassment.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFEYvsBn/

That was very nice-Everyone

Awww-ADA

(Imagine the video is Dazai and Chuuya)

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFE2Lys3/

I'm going to make an appointment with the therapist-Chuuya

Dazai lifts his head from Chuuya's lap and says, "With Sally?"

Yes-Chuuya

I like it Sally-Dazai places his head back on Chuuya's lap and he strokes his hair

https://www.tiktok.com/@_rcc1q_/video/7182011843827731717?_r=1&u_code=d5814j8j3hga0j&preview_pb=0&language=es&_d=e5b10gf5ee73ge&share_item_id=7182011843827731717&source=h5_m&timestamp=1673359043&user_id=6669718454503620614&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAPsmBAMLMGd_xnsMSCgYb1S9x0bfMdId6_ctdlAr7d5dkTOFFu64nyHSl8FMBO769&utm_source=copy&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=android&share_iid=7185930544344811269&share_link_id=1cded2c5-ec78-4546-ad46-1e52fc8a63f3&share_app_id=1233&ugbiz_name=Main&ug_btm=b2001

Boyfriend stuff-Atsushi

Soukoku stuff-All

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFEyL8Qf/

First they are beautiful-Yosano

Second, Dazai's jealousy is noticeable from here -Ranpo

Why are you jealous if he is married to you? -Ranpo

He can still cheat-Dazai

We're talking about Chuuya, that guy is the most loyal in the whole world-Ranpo

Dazai laughs while smiling-Yes

I worry more about you honestly, you have a long list of women-Ranpo

Hey-Dazai indignant

It's true-Yosano

It's one thing for me to ask them to die with me and another thing for me to fuck them-Dazai

Don't you do both? -Kunikida and Atsushi

No, they say no to suicide and I respect that, not everyone wants to die although there have been those who have asked me for a date or a quick fuck but I tell them that I am married-Dazai

Don't they think it's strange that you ask them to die with you when you're married? -Akutagawa

Most of them think what crazy would marry this guy, and those who quickly get over that wonder why I ask them if I want to die with them if I'm married. Obviously I answer that my spouse does not want to commit a double suicide and they leave-Dazai

Wait, you're still asking women if they want to commit suicide with you? -Chuuya

You said I could do it if I didn't flirt with them-Dazai

When? - Chuuya

When we went to Nevada-Dazai

Chuuya is left thinking-Oh yes it's true

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFEoVHN1/

I'm 5'2" (157.48 cm) - Chuuya

I'm worried that you're dead, not your height-Dazai

Mackerel you know I can get rid of them-Chuuya

But what if you can't? - Dazai

Then I use corruption-Chuuya

And what do you die while you kill them?! -Dazai

I know you will arrive on time-Chuuya

And if I do not do it? What if I don't even know where you are, huh? So what? You will be dead and I will have to kill myself because I don't plan to live in a world without Chuuya-Dazai

Honey-Chuuya gently grabbed Dazai's face and wiped away the tears that had accumulated in his eyes.

You will always be there for me when I activate corruption I know this because I wouldn't activate it if I wasn't sure you could save me. "Besides, I know that you will always look for me if they kidnap me," Chuuya said with complete confidence.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoeFSov/

...?-Soukoku

Jakajajaakaj-Ranpo and Yosano

What?-Mori, Hirotsu, Kouyou and Fukuzawa

Are you seriously end me for being tall? -Dazai

...-Chuuya

I'd rather you end me for being cheating than for this-Dazai goes away

...-Chuuya

What-?-Chuuya

👁️👄👁️-Akutagawa

➖👄➖-Atsushi

👁️👄👁️-Akutagawa

*Chuuya.excel works again*

Verga and my husband?-Chuuya

In the room-She points to a door

*Chuuya and Dazai watching tik tok in the room*

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoR9SSN/

*Dazai goes to the corner to cry*

Honey...-Chuuya

No, now that's going to be my new nightmare-Dazai

Love, you will always be on time - Chuuya wipes the tears with his thumbs

"But what if I don't?" Dazai looks at him with a clear question in his eyes.

You will do it, I believe in you-Chuuya kissed him softly.

I love you-Dazai

And I to you-Chuuya

*They both cuddle for a while and then leave the room to watch tik toks with the others*

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoRRxBN/

Yes I am hahahaha-Dazai

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoLWNwf/

👁️👄👁️-All

What did I just see? - Dazai

I don't know but I have fun-Me

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoSXbdB/

Hey hey hey hey why the fuck my daughter just exploded-Dazai

Chuuya looked worried at the screen.

Mommy, daddy, calm down Kunikida saved me-Aya

"Fuck thank goodness" Chuuya said while he and Dazai hug their daughter

Thank you Kunikida-Dazai thanks his partner

I only did what anyone would do - Kunikida

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoAeD8o/

My parents are amazing-Aya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFo511uE/

And then he says I don't want it-Dazai

Daddy is mom's light-Aya

Awwww-Chuuya

And you my life-Chuuya hugs them both

The family laughs happily

Chapter Text

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWaYm5s/

How nice-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWaaecj/

Hirotsu is a great father figure-Gin

Yes true-Dazai

They both smiled at each other and Hirotsu just watched as his shoots grew.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWat8Dt/

I'm sure you would have jumped even if I didn't -Hirotsu

I would have done it-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWaugxH/

Hirotsu sighs like a father tired of his son's shit.

What-All

Why were you in his bed? -Kunikida

You made me do paperwork-Dazai

And ?-Kunikida

His bed is more comfortable for doing paperwork-Dazai

Everyone looks at him saying what the hell?

He gives me cookies when I'm done-Dazai

Hirotsu gives him a cookie to stop him from talking.

Dazai happily eats his cookie

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWaV1Pa/

We can always trust Hirotsu-Port Mafia

The opposite of Mori -Dazai smiles Dazai mode

How cute-Everyone

Hirotsu father figure-Gin

Yes it is-Dazai

The older man smiled and ruffled both of their hair.

"When does your mother bring you to have tea?" Hirotsu said, looking at Dazai and the children.

I took them last Friday-Dazai said

But you didn't stay, honey-Hirotsu smiled, amused.

Dazai raised his hands laughing- I can this Friday if that's okay with you.

Yes-Hirotsu nodded satisfied

Chapter Text

Since it is Christmas in my country, you will react to Christmas photos and videos-Me

Atsushi furry!-Dazai

I'm not a furry-Atsushi

No but you're a cat-Izumi

Poor Kunikida finally knocked down the tree and had to put it back together-Ranpo

I love how in the back there is a guy trying to kill a snowman with a piece of log-Chuuya

I love how everyone looks in a different direction - Akutagawa

How cute-Kouyou

They seem to be having fun-Hirotsu

Gin with a knife trying to kill Higuchi, Chuuya giving gifts to the children as always, the adults getting drunk and Hirotsu wanting to be anywhere but there. It didn't change that much - Dazai smiled a little at the memories

What's behind is an explosion? -Kunikida

It was Kajii-Port Mafia

Look how beautiful-Chuuya

He has a sparkle in his eyes-Atsushi

For once he is sheltered-Yosano

And he has a Santa hat :) -Ranpo

Hahahahaha what a great Christmas-Dazai

*Chuuya makes angry chibi noises*

https://www.tiktok.com/@_dani__ella/video/7176342108024868098?_r=1&_t=8YTGGFeBElZ&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7176342108024868098

Awwww a puppy, I want it-Chuuya made the gimme gimme gesture

Dazai laughed at how cute his husband was and promised him that they would adopt one sometime next year.

Chapter Text

(Imagine that all the tik tok that posts Tn  is Aya)

Okay, they are going to react to the soukoku family in tik tok videos-Yo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7p3RtM/

Actually the rope was to tie something-Dazai

Yes of course-Aya

Thanks for the concern-Akutagawa

You're welcome-Dazai

That boy doesn't deserve you-Dazai

But Mom-Gin

No but mom, you're not going to date a drug addict-Dazai

But I love him-Gin

You love your brother, not that asshole-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7sYn46/

Hahahahaha-Everyone

She had to be just like you-Chuuya sighs

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7s7nJe/

Why did you turn out the same as him? -Chuuya sighs tiredly.

Because he spent more time taking care of me-Aya shrugs her shoulders.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7GJu2s/

Why?! Why does it always have to be my kitchen?!-Chuuya

What were you doing that you were so busy? -Fukuzawa

The reports that Kunikida asked me to do were for the next morning-Dazai

Hahaha oops-Aya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7swNUf/

Cleaning with music is much better-Dazai and Aya

How come you always sing those songs? -Chuuya

Because they are fun-Aya

Dazai nods in agreement with his daughter.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7ssET7/

Don't fuck around Dazai-Kunikida

It's true and besides no one is too good for me princess-Dazai

No boyfriends/girlfriends until 17-Aya

That's how I like it-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7sqy9H/

It's totally him/mom-Chuuya and Aya

Life is boring without drama-Dazai

I don't know how they are still together-Kouyou

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7s7EJv/

We were bored-The agency

Then make reports-Fukuzawa and Mori

Nah-Everyone in the video except Kunikida

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7GLVen/

Every time I go on a long mission he does that-Dazai

It's your fault for being a womanizer-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7GFHeu/

It's true-Atsushi

The truth is that I have never heard him say rude things - Kunikida

But when you were dating you did say rude things and when we weren't dating too -Dazai

That doesn't matter-Chuuya

What did you do to make him so angry? -Fukuzawa

Use corruption-Chuuya

Since when is he kind-Mori

When I want-Dazai

Like my fault?!?! You could have thrown a building at him but you didn't decide to throw a black hole at them-Dazai

How many times do I have to ask you for forgiveness-Chuuya

100 more-Dazai

Chuuya sighs.

I didn't apologize, he deserved it-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7Gq8AQ/

Ohhhhhh-Atsushi and Izumi

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7GxV6S/

Awwww-Everyone

Look how his eyes shine-Atsushi says happy for his mentor

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvNr3cU/

I liked it-Izumi and Atsushi

It was nice-Kouyou

Okay-Everyone

Okay now you are going to see other types of videos-Yo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWyf9eS/

And even on top of that he smiles like an idiot-Chuuya

Oh come on Chuuya you know I had a backup plan-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWyaxEf/

Truth😄✌️-Dazai

I actually thought you hated me so obviously I wasn't going to tell you that I loved you, when it was clear that you wouldn't love me back-Chuuya

✨ communication ✨ works wonders - Atsushi

Shut up Jinko-Akutagawa

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWfTXPY/

I may be immortal but you asked me for impossible things in training -Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFWPMes2/

That's very nice-Hirotsu

You should hug Dazai a lot then-Chuuya

During the first years yes but now he is happier-Kenji smiles brightly

Dazai ruffles his hair lovingly.

Why Dazai gives the best hugs? -Kouyou

Because he lowers his defenses and is very nice-Kenji

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7y73Gv/

So me-Atsushi and Dazai

Akutagawa and Chuuya looked at each other and promised to give them all the love they deserve.

Q and Izumi sat on Dazai and Atsushi's laps and they began to stroke their hair while humming a song to make them fall asleep.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMF7ptbKn/

Dazai being soft and Kunikida telling people to fuck off 🛐🛐🛐🛐-Yosano

I didn't know they could do that-Kouyou

There's a reason they are great companions-Fukuzawa

Since when are you God? -Kunikida

"Who knows?" Dazai shrugs.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFcYQLUh/

Yes I did-Chuuya

That's why 141,881,500.00 yen (984,463.68€) disappeared from my bank account? - Dazai

Yes, I had to play my role as a dilapidated and neglected couple well 😊-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFcYXjR3/

He played that song for a whole week - Dazai sighs in suffering

But it worked-Chuuya

It just made me want to kill your speaker-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFc2thyR/

I'm so crazy-Dazai

I'll kill you-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFc2KwTR/

Me and my internal monologue-Dazai

Come back to us Dazai-Mori

Stop creating cicles of abuse-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFKRMq2J/

No one can kill Chuuya, only himself can kill himself-Dazai

Dazai slaps Chuuya in the face-Why the hell do you accept your death so simply?

I don't know, really-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFKR4MvB/

As a child I wanted to be a crab fisherman😩🖐️-Dazai

What the hell-Everyone

I thought the mafia raised you-Akutagawa

No, I didn't know about the Mafia for 14 years, you know, I had some childhood, it wasn't a big deal but it was something-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFoppAXV/

Ohh I made you cry bitch-Chuuya

👁️👄👁️👌-Everyone

Chuuya what a dick -Dazai

What ? You never cry-Chuuya

Because I don't have things to make me sad-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYeHbRox/

Me every day-Dazai

I love that the description is I just broke up with my boyfriend-Atsushi

Seriously, why don't you stop trying to commit suicide? -Kunikida

Because adrenaline is a free drug-Dazai

Chapter Text

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvFgfoC/

How cute-Mori

Everyone laughed because they were really cute.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvFET4x/

How come he said goodbye to Elise and the Boss didn't know about it-Akutagawa

Because I'm great at keeping secrets-Elise

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvFCBDD/

What a great team we make-Dazai high-fived Elise

Everyone-I'm scared

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvF3h34/

What the hell -Everyone

Ahahaha I loved it when we locked Mori up afterwards and went for ice cream-Dazai

A pleasant afternoon-Elise

I fear for everyone's mental health-Thought Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvFGLFQ/

The son of a bitch then put me in the basement-Q

Me in a shipping container -Dazai

He didn't let me paint-Elise

Dazai smiles mischievously. "We should get revenge."

Q and Elise smile mischievously with him

Mori's thought-I'm afraid

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvFwQAc/

I don't approve of this-Dazai

I do-Chuuya and Elise

Why is chuuya a rearrest?-Kouyou

Because that's how I wanted it-Elise

They are monkeys-Atsushi

F for Chuuya, although they don't weigh that much-Ranpo

No but they are annoying-Chuuya

Elise and Dazai stick out their tongues at him

A true queen is-Dazai

Exactly-Elise smiled proudly.

Chapter Text

Chuuya saving Dazai as always-Hirotsu

Dazai taking advantage of any opportunity to kill himself as always - Kunikida

The suicide is me not Atsushi-Dazai

Chuuya was like: What the fuck? -Ranpo

Every day it baffles me more-Chuuya

Dazai kissed him on the cheek as an apology.

Dazai stunned by Chuuya's beauty is very cute-Izumi

Awwwwwwww-Everyone

They are so cute as children-Atsushi

They love each other in all the universes that is so

-All

I must say that that love is strong-Fukuzawa

In every universe-Dazai whispers, resting his foreheads together.

In every second-Chuuya responds

Great story and the best thing is that it was real-Akutagawa

Awwwww they got married-Yosano

They are beautiful-Kouyou

Thank you Ane-san/Kouyou-Chuuya/Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFT6cecy/

Why are you fucking my sister Yosano? -Dazai

Because she is hot-Yosano

You know it's good logic-Ranpo

Ahhhh-Dazai

Agency?-Chuuya

Agency-Kouyou

Kouyou and Chuuya nod to each other.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFT6vRMY/

Hahaha-Dazai

He spent five hours in the bathroom-Yosano

Fukuzawa shakes his head in sad disappointment.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFTS4oMw/

👁👄👁😦🤯-All

Am I the one now? - Dazai blinks to see if what he sees is real

The book is an interesting theory, the truth is-I

And what is it based on? - Dazai

I'm not really sure but from what I know it's that you never die, the truth is that I didn't do much research-I

That's because I make plans not to die you know-Dazai

The author shrugs her shoulders.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFTSWvRe/

Yes it's true-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFTABV4x/

What are we teaching our children? - Dazai

How cute-Atsushi

I love her-Chuuya with stars in his eyes and stretching out his hands

I can't give it to you but I can bring Aya-Yo

She serves me-Chuuya

Aya appears in the room

Hello Mom, Hello Dad-Aya greets her parents

Hello darling -Chuuya and Dazai

Aya sat on Chuuya's lap and smiled at her mother.

How nice-Atsushi

I didn't know they could sing like that-Kouyou

Is that why you always dance in the kitchen? -Aya

We like to dance-Chuuya

It makes us happy to dance together-Dazai

What?-All

Basically that's what the fandom wants to happen-Yo

...🤨-Everyone

Did I tell us that Fyodor turned Chuuya into a vampire? -Me

Yes-All

Well, Fyodor took Chuuya as a pawn and turned him against Dazai because he could control the vampires, but Chuuya bit Dazai, he recovered and blew the prison into pieces-All

...-All

Luckily Sigma was able to escape and Dazai was able to reach Chuuya without problem-Me

Okay...-Everyone

Okay that was very fantastic-Everyone except Mori

I love this trio-Me

One day they will end up in prison -Fukuzawa

Yosano, Dazai and Ranpo shrugged their shoulders.

https://youtu.be/yE9Uwub4Zyk

That's the grave you always visit-Atsushi

He was a dear friend of mine-Dazai

I'm sorry for your loss darling-Chuuya

Don't worry, it's still painful but now I don't want to cry every time something reminds me of him-Dazai

"I'm glad the psychologist is helping" he kissed his husband's forehead.

I'm afraid-The Agency

As! How? -Kunikida

Chuuya promised me crab and sex-Dazai

I really did it-Chuuya

I would-Dazai

Chuuya kissed him because he knew he would do the same.

Wow-ADA

I didn't know he could do that-La Port Mafia

Awww so cute-Everyone

Chapter Text

Today we are going to read why you should not fuck with Dazai Osamu, in video-Me

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMFvgQyHW/

Let's start reading-Me

In Yokohama many things were a given. It was a given that blood soaked its streets, as common as litter, it was a given that the rain washed away more crimes than it did dirt. It was a given that the center was beautiful and the slums were to be avoided at all cost. It was given that the ports were off limits, and that danger could lurk at every corner. And it was a given that there were certain people you did not fuck with unless you wanted to end up in a closed casket, mangled beyond recognition, not a single family member able to identify your body, if it weren’t for the fingerprints of course.

Dazai Osamu was one of those people.

Someone is going to die-Mori

Definitely he will-Dazai smiles widely.

Mafia executive or not, you did not make a true enemy of that man unless you wanted to lose your head. Apparently there were still some people in this city that did not value their necks.

They are idiots apparently-Yosano

You don't mess with a former mafia executive and get away with it, much less with the Demon Prodigy-Ranpo

Bandages covered his arms, the frayed edges flowing in the light breeze, a familiar tan coat settled across his shoulders, falling loosely off his skinny frame. Hands were carefully tucked into his pants pockets, if one didn’t know any better they’d say the man looked almost calm, casual even, leaning ever so slightly back, lazily surveying his surroundings. If one didn’t know any better they’d think nothing of the man standing, alone atop the hill, staring down at the dark building that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. One would think he was okay, until those dark brown eyes snapped open, and the reality was presented.

Dark, that was the best way to describe it, his eyes were dark. A dark void, an empty well, unnerving, bordering on terrifying. There was nothing in those eyes. There was nothing there but rage, pure unyielding rage.

Someone better run.

Yes, they better do it-Dazai

. . .

“Please…! Please I beg of you, fuck please, I didn’t mean I—”

A gunshot echoed through the empty halls of the dilapidated building, the soft click of the bullet casing hitting the floor the only sound left. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, everything was red, it was horrifying. They were all dead, all fucking dead. Empty dead eyes stared up at him, a twitching hand laid by his side, an open, gaping mouth before him, coated in that sickening red. The room smelled of death, the room was death, and in the center stood the reaper himself, bathed in blood, soaked in the kill, relishing in the despair, in the misery and terror that surrounded him. The reaper, the angel of death, the pits of hell itself burning in his eyes. There was no mercy in that man, and the closer he got, stepping over bodies as if they were a simple obstacle, he knew… he knew he wasn’t going to come out of this alive.

That's what happens to them for messing with the wrong people - Hirotsu

“L-Look, I’ll tell you where they are, I’ll tell my boss to back down, I’ll— I’ll—” his breathing became ragged as the devil inched closer, stepping before him, the gun settled in his hand as if it were an extension of his very being, his scythe, pointing straight at him.

“Hmm… it is quite the tempting offer,” the man hummed, the gun lifted up to the side of his face, pressed gently to his cheek, the cold metal pressing into his soft skin.

“Yes! Yes!! I’ll tell him right now, I’ll—” he screamed, pain blooming across his arm as blood splattered behind him, painting the gray wall red. It hurt, it hurt so badly.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to refuse,” another gunshot, another burst of blinding pain, another scream of pure agony. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. What had he done to deserve this? Why did it hurt so badly? He had never hurt anyone, he had barely even been part of this plan! Sure he’d pointed the gun and sure he’d done the deed, but he just needed some money, just…

F, well better dead than alive and with trauma-Me

“Please, please, I have a wife, please, I was just trying to get some mon—” he wailed as another gunshot echoed through the room, sending another jolt of pain through his body. Why? Why was this happening to him? Why couldn’t the pain end? He could already feel his consciousness fading, his vision blurring at the edges black spots obscuring the world. This was it, he was going to die, leave this world, leave his wife. Where would he even go? Where did people go when they died? Did they just disappear? He didn’t want to disappear, he didn’t want to go. Tears dripped down his cheeks, he just wanted to survive, just wanted to live, why had it ended up like this? He didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to leave, he had so much to do, so much to see, he didn’t want it to end. His body trembled, tears falling down his cheeks. He was scared, so scared. He was dying and he was fucking scared.

“Goodbye,” was the last thing he heard before the world went black. Goodbye indeed. He could only hope his wife wasn’t too sad, that she could find some peace.

. . .

Chuuya woke up to an odd darkness and a pounding in his head. If he could see he was sure his vision would be swimming, or so the nausea told him. He couldn’t quite remember what had happened, everything felt fuzzy, a strange sort of calm numbing his senses, if he had to guess he’d say he’d been drugged. By who, he wasn’t sure. Something shuffled by his side, and it took him a moment to realize what it was, a person, shoes actually, the soles scraping lightly against the concrete floor he was currently sprawled across. Someone whispered something, another pair of shoes shuffled around. He struggled to put it together, two people, there were two people in the room, he couldn’t see, no, scratch that, he was blindfolded, the scratchy fabric irritating his eyelids, pressed far too tightly into his face. He was tied up, he couldn’t move, and his mind was too clouded to think his way out of this. Of course he could always brute force his way out of it, but when he tried to activate his ability, nothing happened… nothing at all, no surge of power, no control over anything, only a light red glow that soon faded to nothing.

Chuuya!?!?!?!-Everyone

Can't he use his ability? -Dazai thought this is bad.

How did they achieve it? -Akutagawa

Explains it later-Me

He’d heard of poisons, or drugs capable of weakening abilities before, but he honestly believed it was a myth, how could that be possible? To weaken an ability to the point of almost nullifying it? How much shit had they put into him for it to get this weak? Fuck. Someone chuckled at his side, more shuffling, shoes against the ground and suddenly there was a hand in his hair, gripping far too tight.
“The great gravity manipulator, executive of the port mafia, all weak and pathetic on the floor,” a voice teased, he didn’t have to see the man to know he must be grinning, and fuck did that make him mad. He hated not being able to do anything about it, he couldn’t even talk back, his mouth felt like it was glued together, the only sound to come out being a soft groan. Everything was fuzzy, not even his anger could push through the mist clouding his mind.

I'm going to kill that son of a bitch-Dazai

The Port Mafia nodded in agreement.

“Captured by the enemy, useless,” the man continued, practically purring out the words, far too close for his liking. Right… he was on a mission, a mission with the Armed Detective Agency, with the weretiger…

What mission? -Chuuya

Firstly this did not happen to you and secondly you will soon find out-Me

It was meant to be a reconnaissance mission, they’d been sent to check out a new organization that had been apparently capturing ability users and selling them. They couldn’t quite figure out to who, but from the amount of money the leader was getting, it was clear that he was giving something valuable. Putting two and two together wasn’t hard. Ability users were being captured, going missing, and money was coming out of it.

Fuck-Everyone

He’d gotten greedy, he knew he had, but human trafficking was one of those things that made his damn blood boil, he didn’t want to deal with it for any longer than he had to, so he took the risk. He shouldn’t have, he shouldn’t have grown arrogant, thinking he could just waltz into the place and end their mission with a bang. Atsushi had been against it, he’d insisted on sticking to the plan, that it was a bad idea, it had only egged him on more. it had been stupid, and he was sure Dazai would make a hell of a fuss about it once he was out of here… if he ever got out of here. Fuck, he couldn’t do anything, his ability was practically useless, his body refused to listen to him, everything was still swimming.

Damn, why didn't you follow the plan? - Dazai

Because I didn't feel like it-Chuuya

They’d walked into the building with so much confidence, well on his part at least, the weretiger had cowered behind him like a scared child. He honestly wondered what Dazai saw in the kid. His partner always insisted that Atsushi was strong, and had quite the close bond with the kid, something he never liked to explain, it was quite sweet to see though. Big bad Dazai Osamu, demon prodigy of the mafia, known for being childish and reckless, fussing over this little orphan, patching up his wounds with enough care to be called parental. It made something in his chest squeeze, knowing the man could be so soft to others, it was comforting almost, knowing that Dazai had other people he trusted, other people who trusted him. He liked knowing his partner wouldn’t be alone, even if he were to leave.

Awwww-Everyone

Look how they love each other-Yosano

Chuuya smiled happily at his husband and he smiled back.

Atsushi smiled at his mentor and he ruffled his hair affectionately.

The building had been so dark, they never saw it coming. The loud thud of doors closing, and the soft hiss of machinery as the room began to fill with smoke. Once he realized what it was, it was too late, the poison had taken over, he’d breathed in too much, and down he went, watching through bleary eyes as the weretiger collapsed by his side. The weretiger… Atsushi… shit! Where was he? As far as he could tell there was no one in the room but him and the two shuffling guards. Where had they put the boy? Fuck, he only hoped they hadn’t sold him off already. Sold him off… was that what they were going to do to him? Surely not, surely they knew it would never work, he could escape so easily, he’d kill the client, he’d… sit there, drugged and useless as they did whatever they wanted with him. The thought sent cold fear through his body, shuddering lightly much to the amusement of his captor.

“Oh look, the big, strong Nakahara Chuuya is shaking, scared bitch? You should be, I’m sure whoever will get you will have a great time,” the man's voice was low and mocking, far too close to his ear for his liking. A tug of his hair made him groan, the pain to his scalp an oddly grounding thing, at least he could concentrate on that. Or not… the man dropped him, his jaw making contact with the floor with a painful crack. Fuck. How the hell was he going to get out of this one?

Oh, you're definitely dead-Dazai

Chuuya grabbed his husband's hand, he knew that they protected each other no matter what and that they would happily kill for each other.

. . .

Atsushi woke up with a feeling of utter dread. He couldn’t see, but his eyes were open, he couldn’t move, something was holding him down, he could barely even think. He had no idea what was going on, all that he knew was that it was bad and that he was scared.

We started well-Atsushi

It slowly came back to him, the mission, the room, the gas, oh god they’d been caught, caught, ambushed? Both? He couldn’t think straight! Why was everything so fuzzy? So dull? He couldn’t even move the tips of his fingers, the tiger wasn’t answering, nothing was answering. He could hear his breathing becoming ragged, panic taking over. This was a human trafficking ring! They were going to sell him, he was going to be chained, trapped, caged. Cold concrete floors, colder metallic bars, a heavy chain pulling him down like an anchor, planting him in the spot, incapable of escaping. He thought he’d left that life, a life of imprisonment, of solitude and fear and pain. He thought it was over, Dazai had said it was over, he would never have to be in a cage again, he never had to be trapped again, he could be free, he had to be free, Dazai had said so!

Atsushi, you are free and I will make sure that it continues like this. Dazai looked at his student saying, nothing will stop me from making you happy

Atsushi smiled at his mentor, thanking him, and leaned more on Akutagawa's shoulder.

“Look at that, the weretigers crying, that’s fucking sad,” a voice chuckled from above him, amusement clear in the way thier worlds slurred together, the light laugh at the end. It sent a jolt of fear through him, was he crying? A soft whimper left his lips… yes, he was crying, he could feel it now, the tears soaking the floor beneath him, slipping past his cheeks and over his nose. He was a mess, he was scared, he couldn’t escape, he was so scared.

The gunshot that rang through the room sent fear straight to his core, the cut off screams that soon faded into a gurgled sound of death left him shaking. A sob escaped his chapped, sluggish lips as he squeezed his eyes closed, trying desperately to curl further into himself, to leave, to disappear into the ground and save himself from whatever they were about to do to him.

“Atsushi,” the voice was soft, sweet and familiar, it took him a bit to realize it was his mentor, it was Dazai, Dazai was here. His body fell limp, relief washing over him, Dazai was here, he was okay.

Something sliced through his binds, freeing his numbed body, allowing him to slump freely onto the floor. Finally the blindfold came off, and there was his mentor, smiling softly down at him, but something wasn’t quite right. The man was covered in blood, and as sweet as the smile he showed was, his eyes were everything but. His eyes were dark, dark and cruel and terrifying. If he didn’t know any better, if he didn’t trust the man as much as he did, he would’ve feared he was going to be hurt. But he knew Dazai, Dazai wouldn’t hurt him, but clearly he wasn’t opposed to harming others, if the body bleeding out behind him was anything to go by.

“It’s okay, come on, we need to go pick up a slug,” the man hummed, a fake sort of calm to his tone that made his blood run cold. He didn’t want to see what happened when that mask of calm faded.

Dazai shrugged his shoulders, he was willing to do anything for his family.

Dazai was careful to maneuver his limp body upwards, placing him carefully at his front, settling him against his chest, his head lolling against his mentor's shoulder, legs dangling behind him, a single hand supporting him. It was rather comfortable, though that could’ve been because everything was still so numb he could barely even feel his fingers. Still, he could feel himself relax, finally safe as Dazai began their walk. He didn’t care where they were going, he knew that he’d be okay here, he’d be safe here. He sniffled, shakily trying to cling closer to his mentor, to feel that safety, that freedom that had almost been taken away from him. He still couldn’t move, but the little ruffle of his hair that Dazai gave him was enough to reassure him, body falling limp, eyes closing. He was so tired.

Just a little nap, just a little rest… he was okay now after all, he’d be okay.

. . .

The trip down the stairs wasn’t an easy one. between having to carry Atsushi down and make sure he set him down somewhere safe whenever someone came around, the whole thing was exhausting. Still, he moved on, Dazai wasn’t giving up. He was reaching his stupid partner, and he was getting them all out of here, even if he had to kill every single person in the building to do so. He could taste blood in his mouth, when he licked his dry lips, he could smell it in the air, on his clothes, he knew some of it was his, it didn’t matter. Most of the gore soaking into his bandaged hands was the warm blood of another after all.

"Did you get hurt?" Chuuya frowned.

Dazai shrugged.

If he were a better person he might feel remorse as he brutally shot down man after man, if he were a kinder man their screams and pleas might’ve drawn some mercy out. He had no mercy. They’d fucked with with the wrong man, and they’d pay for that.

Dazai nodded in agreement, Yosano seconded him.

It took far longer than he would’ve liked to reach the bottom floor, the proper basement… and something was off. There was nobody there, nobody at all. He took a moment, carefully settling Atsushi down on the steps, leaning him against the wall, making sure he wasn’t going to fall and hit his head before he got up. He wasn’t going to risk hurting his mentee. So he left him there, in the safety of the stairwell, and stepped out to confront whatever the enemy had in store for him.

The hallway was still eerily silent, a fog coating the floor before him, rising up before him to hide whatever was waiting ahead. He stepped into it, and the world turned blue. The familiar lines of No longer human took over the room, and the fog disappeared, fading into nothingness, revealing the hard concrete floor, and a single man, standing before him with a sickening grin.

“Dazai Osamu, I thought we made our request clear, you had to choose one or the other, or they both die,” the man purred, reminding him of why he was here in the first place. Yes, that had been the message he’d gotten, early that morning. That they were gone, and that only one of them could make it out alive. His partner or his mentee. They told him to choose, to get his answer in by midnight. His answer was fuck no. He was saving both of them, and if the whole world had to burn down for him to do so, then so be it.

Exactly-Dazai

Atsushi and Chuuya felt very loved at that moment, they knew that despite everything they had someone who would move heaven and earth for them.

“Leave now, or we kill the executive,” the man's voice turned sour, his eyes narrowing through the grin still disgustingly plastered across his face, twisting his cheeks in a grotesque manner. He wanted to rip that grin right off of his face.

“No you won’t, he’s too valuable,” he shot back, and oh there it was, that twitch of annoyance, that slight tilt to his lips, almost erasing that irritating frown, almost, but not quite.

“I suppose so, we’ll just have to kill you instead,” the man’s eyes widened, the whites overtaking them in a show of pure madness. He leaped forward, his hands outstretched, something clutched in his hand. It took him a second too late to realize it was a gun. A second was all it took for a bullet to find its way into his shoulder. Fuck. His own gun raised up, shooting towards the man, but he was fast, stupidly fast, his body was crushed against the ground before he knew what was happening, a strangled sound leaving his lips as his back hit the floor, knocking the air right out of his lungs. A hand wrapped around his throat, squeezing hard, the other pushing his gun carrying hand down to the floor, pinning it against the concrete in a bruising grip.

“Ha! Demon prodigy my ass! You’re just as weak as that idiot you used to call a partner! Double black? Mafia executive? You’re weak! All weak!! I don’t even need my ability to kill you, I don’t even nee—” blood spurted from the man's mouth, a sickening gurgle as he choked on his own life force. A squelching sound echoed through the silent corridor as the knife was pulled out of his stomach. The man looked down, observing the open, bleeding wound with an almost child-like curiosity, as if he’d never seen such a thing before, it was strange, a tad unnerving.

You're stupid-Everyone

“You stabbed me,” the man stated, as if it were a shock, his grip on Dazai tightening, the knife yanked from his hand and tossed aside. “YOU STABBED ME!!” The man screeched, spitting blood into his face, eyes wide and wild with something not even Dazai could understand. “I’ll kill him!! I’ll kill both of them!! You fucking stabbed me!!!” He wailed, pushing Dazai further into the ground. He was pretty sure his wrist was going to break soon if he didn’t move.

No shit sherlock-Ranpo

He's too stupid for that job-Kouyou

“I’ll kill that little bitch of a boyfriend of yours, and your little kitty, I’ll kill them and I’ll make you fucking watch as they bleed out at your feet!!” The man cackled, a maniacal sound that made Dazai’s blood boil.

No.

Nobody fucked with him.

Nobody fucked with his family.

Dazai nodded in agreement.

Chuuya, Atsushi and Akutagawa squeezed next to Dazai and he smiled at them all before ruffled his apprentice's hair lovingly and kissed Chuuya's forehead lovingly.

Dark, deadly eyes opened to look at the insanity above him, watching as the man laughed to himself. The man who had hurt Chuuya, who had caged Atsushi, the man who had tried to enslave his family.

Nobody fucked with his family.

A soft chuckle joined the maniacal laugh that echoed through the halls. A sick, deadly laugh, a laugh that spelled death. And as Dazai’s laughter rose in pitch, the insanity of the cackles that opposed him seemed to fade, confusing taking over the man's face, quickly followed by rage.

“The fuck are you laughing at?!” He screeched, a high pitched, whiny sound that only made him want to laugh harder.

“You of course,” he chuckled, the void of those eyes looking up at their victim, pools of pure unfeeling fury, lacking any compassion or mercy. They were the empty eyes of a killer. The last thing you saw before you died. The eyes that could haunt a man for the rest of his life. The eyes you saw when you tried to go to sleep, the eyes that woke you up in the middle of the night, boring into your back. They were the eyes of death.

Wow what a good description-Gin

The man met his eyes, and the icy terror that seemed to freeze his body snet a cold sense of satisfaction through Dazai’s. Yes, this is what he wanted, he wanted to be feared, he wanted him to fear him. He took the opportunity, quickly freeing his hand and placing the gun to the man's temple.

“Die.”

The still warm body crumpled to the floor, a soft thud sounding through the room as his head hit the floor. Gone. Dead.

Dazai took a deep breath, in and out, reigning in his rage as he pushed his body upwards, ignoring the sharp pain in his shoulder. He didn’t have time to be in pain, he didn’t have time to think about his morals, or his sanity, he needed to get Chuuya and get the hell out of here.

He rushed down the hallway, deciding Atsushi was safer back at the stairwell. Pushing door after door open, gun ready, finger on the trigger. He was finishing this. The door burst open, and a startled squeak told him he’d hit gold.

“What the fu—” the man didn’t finish his sentence, blood splattering across the wall, bringing a scream from his companion. He didn’t scream for long, his blood coating the floor, making a beautiful little portrait of brain matter across the dirty concrete.

Chuuya was still, completely imobile on the floor, his chin was scraped, his hair was tousled and there was a bit of blood dripping down his chin, but he was there, he was okay. Dazai rushed to his side, wasting no time slicing off his binds and untying the blindfold, relieved to see beautiful blue eyes blinking up at him, hazy and confused but there, alive as ever.

“Osamu…?”

“Chuuya is an idiot,” he answered, leaning down to press a loving kiss to his bloodied lips. It tasted of dirt and gore and cinnamon and oh he’d missed it so much. Pulling away was torture, but he needed to get to Atsushi, he needed to properly get them out of here, he needed to get them to safety… somehow.

Yes he is, but hey he's my idiot I have to save him sometimes-Dazai

Chuuya tried to slap him but Dazai dodged it and laughed happily.

Thankfully Chuuya seemed a tad more lucid than Atsushi, though a tad more hurt as well. He was at the very least conscious enough to wrap his arm around him and shakily get to his feet. He wasn’t exactly walking, dragging his feet with every step, but he was upright and he was making it forward, so it didn’t matter.

Maneuvering Atsushi back into his arms, while still trying to keep Chuuya upright was more of a struggle than he’d like to admit, and getting both of them out of the building was a grueling task that took nearly an hour. They fell several times, Dazai’s vision blurred, Chuuya stumbled over his feet, Atsushi slipped from his grip. Thankfully the weretiger didn’t seem to wake up throughout the whole ordeal, only trembling when he was let go, seeming to curl further into himself before he was scooped back up into weakening arms. It hurt like all hell, by the time they reached the exit Dazai’s blood was soaking all three of them, sticking to their clothes, soaking into their skin.

You sleep like a log-Izumi

He didn’t know how they made it. There were many times when he thought they wouldn’t, but they got out, they managed to fish Dazai’s phone out of his pocket, and call Yosano. Only then, once the woman was hurrying towards them, did Dazai’s knees finally buckle, his vision going black, eyes falling closed as he finally let his body give into its exhaustion. The last thing he heard before he passed out was Chuuya’s sweet voice, calling out to him, faintly, as if from far away. He wanted to answer him, he sounded so worried… but he was tired, he’d answer when he woke up. And the world went black.

Damn, don't worry me like that-Chuuya

Dazai kissed the redhead's knuckles and whispered, "I'm sorry."

. . .

The first thing he noticed when he finally regained consciousness was an odd tickle at his chin. His face scrunched up in annoyance, trying to pull away from whatever the hell it was that kept brushing against his skin, tickling his neck. The thing didn’t move, it only seemed to press closer, and make a sound… a frustrated little sound, as if the damn thing was annoyed at him for moving. He forced his eyes open, if only to see whatever the hell was bothering him when he was this fucking tired. And he was met with fire.

Fiery curls haphazardly sprawled across his chest, tucked into the crook of his neck. A freckled nose pressed further into his chest, seemingly trying to bury itself there. And when those eyes opened, they revealed an ocean of pure blue.

“Chuuya…” he breathed, feeling an immediate sense of relief, all discomfort forgotten as he saw his boyfriend, safe and sound and curled up by his side. Looking into those ocean eyes he could see his own relief reflected back at him, and before he knew it lips were crashing against his. The kiss was quick and insistent, a relieved clash of mouths, trying to convey just how glad they were to see each other.

“Dumbass, calling me an idiot, when you’re the one that barged into the enemy organization all alone,” the man scolded, his voice wavering with emotion. He pressed soft kisses against his lips between sentences, as if unable to stay away from him for too long, he’d clearly scared him. His eyes were narrowed with pure annoyance, but there was something grateful there too, and Dazai would cling onto that. “You’re a fucking lunatic, you know that, right?” his chibi hummed against his lips before they shared another kiss, this one much sweeter, a gentle dance, a soft conversation between lovers, behind closed doors, a secret just for the two of them.

“I know,” he murmured, giving the man a smile that was far too genuine for their normal bickering. That’s when Chuuya broke. Ocean eyes filled with tears, and before he could say a thing ginger curls were back to tickling his chin as his shirt was soaked with his lover’s frustration, or perhaps relief, he wasn’t quite sure either of them knew. Moving his hand up to the man's head was a surprisingly difficult process, taking far longer than intended. But he made it eventually, burying his fingers in ginger locks, a gentle scratch at his boyfriend's scalp making the man melt in his arms.

Chuuya shook into his chest for a good ten minutes, a show of just how worried he’d been. He hadn’t meant to worry his love, hadn’t meant to get shot, that was never the plan, the plan was to get in, get them and get out, but his bloodlust had taken over, his anger clouding his logic. He’d gotten reckless, and stupid, and he’d worried those he loved. Still, he didn’t regret it, he didn’t regret a single bullet he shot, a single slash of his knife, he didn’t regret a single kick or punch. He didn’t regret the death and pain he caused. And while he knew that was wrong, while he knew that he should feel some sort of remorse, he couldn’t bring himself to. Perhaps he truly hadn’t changed, still the cold blooded killer he’d once been, but if it meant his family was safe, he’d become the devil himself.

Eventually the soft sniffles died down, his lover falling still in his arms, bringing a hand up to wipe at the tear tracks he was sure covered his pretty face. He hated seeing Chuuya cry, it was a rarity to see any tears in the man's eyes, especially in such a public space, and entirely sober. He must’ve really scared the shit out of him.

Dazai rested his forehead on Chuuya's shoulder and enjoyed the scene.

“Nakahara, I uhm… I brought some food and— Dazai!!” Atsushi’s happy screech caught his attention, glancing over at his mentee as the boy's face lit up with pure joy. “You’re awake!” And suddenly the boy's eyes were filled with tears and he was throwing himself at the bed, pressed against the side of his mentor without a mafia executive clinging to it. Atsushi sobbed, babbling nonsense as he practically draped himself over him. His second hand struggled to rise up, finally patting at his mentee's head, an affectionate little gesture that only had Atsushi crying louder. “You were so cold! And Doctor Yosano said her ability wouldn’t work and Nakahara was so nervous! And there was so, so much blood and I couldn’t move and… and…” the boy stumbled over his words, struggling to get everything out through his tears and the fear that was clearly still rather present.

“I wasn’t nervous! I knew he’d be okay!” Chuuya countered, lifting his face from his chest to glare at the weretiger, as if he’d been somehow insulted, or perhaps just exposed.

“B-But… you kept pacing… and… and didn’t leave him at all…” Atsushi sniffled rather innocently, confusion clear in his eyes as he looked up to find his mentor smirking, and Chuuya blushing furiously.

"Why are you exposing me like this?" Chuuya groaned in embarrassment.

Atsushi shrugged.

“Aww, such a loyal pup, keeping an eye on his master,” Dazai purred, and Chuuya’s face burned adorably red.

“Fuck you! I’m not a dog you bastard!” He huffed, and yet, even as his eyes narrowed into a glare and his face scrunched up in annoyance, Chuuya never left his side. The man was tucked by his side, and he didn’t seem to be moving anytime soon. Atsushi on the other hand seemed to forget his tears, much more interested in whatever the hell was happening here to cry. The boy sat up, looking between his mentor and Chuuya in confusion.

“But Dazai, Nakahara is a person,” the boy stated, clearly confused, drawing a laugh out of Dazai, the boy really was adorable.

“Hmm… I don’t know, he seems like a puppy to me,” he hummed, earning an indignant squawk from his partner.

“Fuck you I’m fully grown! Puppy my ass shitty Dazai!” Chuuya huffed, taking too long to realize what had just come out of his mouth. He’d actually called himself a dog, and oh Dazai was not about to let him live it down. His eyes sparkled with pure mischief, watching as Chuuya’s face paled in realization. “Wait, no, fuck—”

“Chuuya is my dog!! He said so himself!!”

Damn, look how stupid I am-Chuuya

“I hope you get shot again.”

“I love you too.”

“Unfortunately.”

The day was spent in laughter and joy, none of the men wishing to talk about what had transpired in the past 24 hours. They were safe, they were alive, and that was all that mattered right now. They’d deal with their trauma later, with Atsushi’s fear of being caged, with Chuuya’s reckless infiltration, they’d deal with it later. They’d deal with the piled up bodies soaking blood into Dazai’s already tainted hands. They’d deal with his break from the light, with his moral panic, with the guilt, or lack thereof that came from the ordeal. They’d deal with Atsushi’s nightmares and Chuuya’s increasing protectiveness. They’d deal with it. Just not now.

Now was the time to rest, to laugh and smile and curl up on the cramped hospital bed and pretend nothing was wrong.

The world could wait.

Right now it was time for joy, safety and love.

The world would wait.

How nice-Everyone

Chapter Text

"Chuuya, hold me."

Looking up from where he hung up his coat, the redhead walked over and rubbed at an eye, stretching his arms out. "No. I have to shower, and then we can hug and cuddle or whatever shit," Chuuya replied, walking away and unbuttoning his blazer.

Dazai, from the couch, shot an arm out and grabbed Chuuya's wrist, refusing to let him get any further. "No. Now," he demanded, tugging, and Chuuya stumbled over before glaring at him.

"What the hell. No, I smell awful, I want to shower before the kids get home. Okay?" He tried to pull his arm away. No luck. Dazai still had a tight grip. "Come on…" His grip did not get looser. And Chuuya frowned, concerned as he moved to stand in front of Dazai. "Dazai…? Is everything okay?" He asked, and Dazai reluctantly shook his head.

Are you okay? -Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

WAIT HE SAID KIDS!!!-Dazai and Chuuya

So carefully, Chuuya pulled him over, wrapping his arms around him and sighing as he moved to settle them on the couch. Sitting in silence for a little bit, the shorter gently ran his hands through Dazai's curls before he inhaled carefully. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, and he closed his eyes as he felt Dazai shake his head no. "Okay. Well - I need a shower. And you won't let go. So the obvious solution is to shower together. Come on, get up. I seriously need a shower. I stink."

Dazai huffed against him, lifting his head. " Yeah you do," he mumbled, but he buried his nose against Chuuya's sternum anyway, breathing deeply. They didn't move, for a few more moments, before Chuuya pulled Dazai up into his arms and brought him over to the bathroom. Setting him on the cabinet counter, Chuuya rubbed over his back before letting go, shrugging off his blazer. Dazai watched for a moment before stepping forward once his shirt was off, his fingertips sliding over a scar. The man jumped when Dazai touched him, but relaxed immediately.

You're sticky-Chuuya

Dazai shrugged and hugged his waist as he buried his nose in his sternum.

Dazai hated how Chuuya's first reaction to his touch was a flinch.

But Chuuya turned around with a smile. "Jesus, your fingers are so cold," he said with a chuckle before he reached forward and wrapped his arms around Dazai, tucking his head under his chin. "But I'm here to warm you up, so it's fine."

Sweet-Yosano y Kouyou

Dazai blinked for a few moments, processing, before he let out a slow breath and wrapped his arms loosely around Chuuya's shoulders  "I guess it is…" Carefully, Chuuya removed the rest of his clothes, then Dazai’s, keeping his eyes off of the skin he exposed. He knew Dazai didn’t like it when Chuuya looked too much.

Chuuya hardly let go of him in the shower, only doing so to wash himself quickly. Once he finished with his hair, he wrapped his arms around Dazai’s waist and pressed his forehead to Dazai’s chest. His eyes fell shut, and he rubbed over the other’s back, enjoying the serenity of the moment.

Then, he lifted his head and cupped the other’s cheek, his head tilting. “Did something happen today?”

Dazai hesitated, but eventually nodded in response.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”
He shook his head no.

“Alright then. Let’s get out of the shower, I need to get started on dinner. Is that alright with you?” When Dazai nodded, Chuuya relaxed and kissed his cheek before guiding them out of the shower, where he toweled himself off and then went to get dressed before he headed to the kitchen.

How nice-Atsushi

And domestic-Akutagawa

Dazai watched, staying wrapped up in only a towel, standing up on the tips of his toes and leaning his head against the frame of the door.

“Go get dressed, the kids will be home any minute,” he heard, and he huffed before walking down to their bedroom to go wrap himself up and then dress.

He heard the door open while he was pulling on his pants, and then a bunch of giggles as all the kids ran into the house, predictably tossing their shoes wherever before going to see their father in the kitchen.

“Daddy! Daddy, you won’t believe what happened at school today!”

"Damn it, we have children." Chuuya looked at the screen in surprise.

“Oh yeah? Try me, pretty girl.”

Their daughter went off on a tangent almost immediately about whatever happened to her at school with her sister interrupting every couple moments. She paused, though, and Dazai heard the soft pitter-patter of feet walking down the hall, and he tossed his towel to the hamper as the bedroom door opened, and his daughter peered in, her eyes wide. “Mommy, do you wanna hear it too?”

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww-Everyone

How cute-Dazai

Just like that, his cold chest felt a little less cold, and Dazai smiled as the warmth seeped into his bones, down to his fingertips. “Of course I do, baby. Come on, give me a recap of what you’ve told daddy already while we walk to the kitchen.”

His daughter grinned, and grabbed his hand to pull him along. “Okay Mommy! So -”

Catching Chuuya’s eye as he entered the kitchen, Dazai gave a little smile, and Chuuya relaxed before turning around to focus on the food. Nobody could really cheer him up as much as his family.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww-Everyone

She is very cute-Chuuya

How adorable-Dazai

How many children do we have there? -Chuuya

Two girls and a boy-Me

Awww-Chuuya

(Personally I love Mom Dazai, it's a shame there aren't so many fanfics about it)

Chapter Text

Headcanon of mine or other people I liked-Me

Imagine Chuuya completely drunk and flirting with Dazai.

He asks Dazai if he is single and Dazai says that he is married.

Chuuya just starts crying because he forgot that Dazai is married to him.

Oh my god hahahahahaha-Dazai

Okay that's funny hahahahahaha-Everyone

Chuuya sulks in the corner

Dazai and Chuuya watch sunsets together

They are pretty-Chuuya

And painkillers-Dazai

It's a nice thing to do-Kouyou

Arahabaki smiled at Dazai once in recognition, and Dazai almost fainted; he was absolutely terrified. (I feel like Arahabaki's internal monologue was something like: "ah, he's the one who keeps my ship safe... What if we scare the shit out of him? Oh, Chuuya, wouldn't that be fun? I think it would be fucking funny, okay, here I go")

That day I was scared to death-Dazai

Oh god hahahahahaha-Chuuya bursts out laughing while Dazai looks at him in disbelief.

Ranpo hosts small movie nights on Friday nights, but everyone comes just to cause trouble and play hide-and-seek in the dark.

The gang that usually appears is Ranpo, Dazai, Atsushi and Izumi, but sometimes Tanizaki and Kenji appear.

The gang pulls out a burgundy couch to sit on when they really want to watch a damn movie, and they all end up sleeping on Dazai since he's the tallest, which means longer limbs = bigger arms = more people he can hug the time.

They will play manhunt in the streets with his skills (skill hunting), and Dazai is always the first to start the game, and people join him from there. (Ranpo usually gets caught first so he can tell Dazai where everyone is) Kenji and Atsushi are usually the last to be found because they can run fast and climb things, but Tanizaki always wins unless Ranpo gets caught. Izumi is the gray area of the "mediocre" type of player.

Those nights are very fun-Dazai

Ranpo, Atsushi, Izumi, Tanizaki and Kenji nodded in agreement.

Fukuzawa and Kunikida look at them surprised because they didn't know anything about this.

Dazai wears fake glasses because...why not?

When Chuuya first saw him with glasses, he blushed and was distracted by how cute Dazai looked with glasses that he crashed into a wall.

hahahahaha that was very funny hahahaha-Dazai

Chuuya blushes with embarrassment

The truth is that everyone laughs under their breath

Dazai loves to slow dance with Chuuya

The truth is that I do like it-Dazai

Dances well although not much-Chuuya

Dazai loves Chuuya's pet names for him (Chuuya calls him love or princess), and the brunette gets nervous (like a cherry 🤔), especially in public

He does it that's why he always told them - Chuuya smiles proudly.

It isn't true? princess-Chuuya smiles flirtatiously

Everyone can see how Dazai's face turned into a tomato.

Chuuya lets Dazai play with his hair when the latter is stressed

"That's true," Dazai says while tying the braid he had been making in Chuuya's hair.

That's nice-Atsushi

Kouyou looks at the braid-I like the way you style his hair.

Thanks-Dazai

His real name is Shuji Tsushima but he changed his name to Dazai Osamu after joining the mafia.

Wait, that's true? -Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

Why did you change it? -Atsushi

Shuji Tsushima was not a gangster's name - Dazai shrugs his shoulders

Chuuya gives him a look and Dazai returns it saying we'll talk about it at home.

Chuuya has a cult

Dazai thought it was fun to let Chuuya have a cult since he is a god.

Dazai just knocked on the doors of the port mafia members and forced them to join the cult.

The cult has its own bible, meeting place, offerings and they are currently working on making a small church

Chuuya doesn't actually know anything about this.

He just has random gifts by the door of his house (given by the cult)

Most of the gifts are really expensive wines and hats.

Honestly, he doesn't care who gave him the gifts.

The cult is about to literally become a religion.

Chuuya being the god of said religion

What? -Chuuya looks surprised

Is that why gifts appear at my door every week? -Chuuya

Dazai shrugs. Half of the Mafia is linked to the cult.

The church is almost finished-Kouyou

Chuuya just looked in disbelief.

Elise didn't really like Dazai when he first joined the mafia.

He started liking her after Mori was pranked.

Elise: I hate to say it, but you're the only one left to ask, so-

Dazai: YES! Obviously I'll play a prank on Mori!!!

Elise with literally stars in her eyes: come on!!!!

After that, the two formed a kind of brother-like relationship.

Elise wouldn't snap out of it unless Dazai was with her.

They both really like playing pranks on others, drawing, sweets, and teasing Mori.

Dazai laughs-Oh we made so many people suffer.

Elise laughs with Dazai

No wonder Mori lost his sanity-Chuuya

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Headcanon credits, all those from other people are from AO3

CATNaps73

ItsSmilei

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai is good with children

With Dazai's personality you wouldn't think he likes kids or would know how to deal with them but he's actually a good father/older brother-Me

True-Akutagawa, Gin, Izumi, Atsushi, Q and Elise

Dazai is good at cooking

Despite popular belief, Dazai does know how to cook, but he doesn't want to because he's lazy, and if someone can do it for you, why bother doing it yourself?-Me

Because it is laziness-Kunikida

I don't give shit-Me

Dazai knows how to play the piano and violin

(I saw a fanart of Dazai playing the violin and said this is cool so I automatically decided to put it in my headcanons)

He learned to play the piano when he was little thanks to his parents, he actually likes to play it but in the tranquility of his home -Me

Why did you never tell us that you could play the piano and violin? -Izumi

Dazai shrugged. "It didn't come up in the conversation."

Dazai is the mother

I just like that his kids call him mom it's too cute (and rare too)-Me

You know we can't have children right-Dazai

Everything is possible on Wattpad -Me

You can always adopt, plus wouldn't you like to have a little one who calls you mom and follows you around like a duckling-Me

I'm 22 years old-Dazai

I'm not commanding you to have them now-Me

Great now I want mini us running around the house-Chuuya sighed in redhead

Nothing until you're thirty-Fukuzawa, Mori, Kouyou and Hirotsu

Dazai wears dresses or skirts

They are comfortable and make me look pretty-Dazai

A very good view indeed-Chuuya

We have to go shopping one day-Kouyou

I want to go-Yosano

Sure-Dazai shrugged.

Chuuya calls Dazai princess

He definitely is, he doesn't do anything and thinks he's royalty-Chuuya

As if you didn't love to say it-Dazai

Chuuya shrugged.

Chuuya calls Dazai samu

Especially when he's asleep-Dazai

You like my nickname for you-Chuuya

I love any nickname you give me-Dazai

That's so adorable-Atsushi

I know right- Me

Awwwww-Yosano

Dazai does the housework

He is my househusband❤️-Chuuya

I didn't know Dazai could do housework-Kunikida moved his glasses to see what he was seeing right.

He helps me de-stress and the therapist says it's good for me to keep my house clean-Dazai

Dazai knows the meaning of flowers and sometimes gives Chuuya a bouquet of different flowers

Then you have me looking for the meanings because he won't tell me-Chuuya

I have always wanted to learn the language of flowers-Me

Buy a book-Dazai

I already did it-Me

Do you have plants at home? -Kunikida

Yes, we have a lot on the terrace and around the house-Chuuya

I take care of them because Chuuya always ends up drowning them-Dazai

"I don't know how much water I have to add to them." Chuuya crosses his arms.

It depends on each plant-Dazai

Dazai and Q are brothers

Considering that I adopted him at 18, I would say that we are brothers-Dazai

Why did you never tell me that you had adopted him?-Chuuya asked.

"It didn't come out." Dazai shrugged his shoulders.

Dazai, Chuuya and Ranpo are a chaotic trio

Yes we are-The three of us

Anything where Dazai is is chaotic - Kunikida

Truth-Atsushi

Do you remember when we threw explosive eggs at Mori's office? -Ranpo

Oh that was wonderful-Dazai

That's what happens to you for not giving me my days off 😌-Chuuya

Chapter Text

Fyodor, why are you fighting a bear? - Dazai

Because I can-Fyodor

The others: wtf

He has a sturdy cello-Me

Dazai, why do you sit like this? -Hirotsu

Because Mori was being creepier than usual-Dazai

What kind of Gaymedidor is that? -Yosano

No idea-Me

They really look incredible-Ranpo

The others nod in agreement.

10/10-Soukoku

It fits better than me-Yosano

What a waist!-Ranpo

How does he have that figure? -Atsushi

It suits you too well-Gin

Chuuya you are drooling-Akutagawa

Chuuya swallows and closes his mouth.

The truth favors me-Dazai

Translation: "Good morning" "Good morning" "You slept" "Hurry up, wash your face quickly" "I hate being belittled by your little one" "Unexpectedly, it's not bad, right?" "That's right" "Big cat"

Cute-Chuuya

It seems like he behaves something in the mornings-Kouyou

Only when I pamper him-Chuuya

They look sexy on him-Chuuya

They look good on you-Ranpo

Very good-Kouyou

Everything in the photo is from ten-Atsushi

he is dying-Kouyou

You also clean ?-Ranpo

Yes-Dazai

What a good housekeeper-Atsushi

He's going to give me a heart attack-Chuuya clutches his chest

If that's not a soulmate I don't know what is-Me

Wait, you didn't stay for Odasaku? -Chuuya

What? I mean Odasaku was interesting and helped shrink the emptiness but he didn't make me want to get out of bed every morning. I told you then and I'm telling you now you're the one I plan to be with for the rest of my life that's why I made you my dog-Dazai

Stop calling me your dog-Chuuya

Okay let me edit that-Dazai

I put a ring on your finger and made us get married so I could spend the rest of my days with you Chuuya Nakahara, and I decided at fifteen to throw away Mori's painless poison because with you life was more beautiful and fun-Dazai

Chuuya blushed a lot and started stuttering.

Dazai gave him a kiss to calm him down.

"I love you," Chuuya said when he broke away from the kiss.

Me more-Dazai he smiled proud of being able to make Chuuya blush.

The truth is that we would be a great duo-Dazai

Yes, you are right-Ranpo

I'm glad I welcomed you-Fukuzawa

The cake was delicious-Q

Why were you in the bathroom?-Gin

To cry-Q

Understandable-Dazai

Chapter Text

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY162VEP/

What bad eating habits do we have-Dazai

Yes the truth-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16rS9w/

Yes-Dazai

Chuuya climbs onto Dazai's lap and they kiss intensely.

The others: 👁️👄👁️

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1jEPst/

It is and a lot-Dazai

He also knows how to fight-Akutagawa

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16Lmpd/

Hahahahaha-Everyone

Love anything more than me-Dazai

That's not true-Chuuya

You even love the cat more than me-Dazai

Because he is very adorable-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16defc/

That was nice until Dazai screwed it up-Atsushi

When did we do that? -Chuuya

You were too drunk to know - Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16Nx2k/

Dazai happily eats his cheese sandwich

Chuuya just shakes his head but smiles anyway.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16xrPb/

Do you think I'm cute? - Dazai

No, I think you're horrible and I only married you to kill you and keep your money-Chuuya

...-All

Dazai looks at him🥺🥺

"Obviously I think you're cute, stupid shit." Chuuya grabs him by the neck and kisses him.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16HQxk/

Nice-Atsushi

...-All

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16HFtF/

Very bad Kunikida why are you stealing my husband😔✌️-Chuuya

...-Dazai

...-Kunikida

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

What? -Akutagawa

Is it happening here? -Atsushi

Not very ideal of you Kunikida😔-Yosano

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY164Ehg/

How do you read in the dark? -Higuchi

Magic-Chuuya

Pretty-Gin

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16nJhB/

Yes we are-Dazai

Yes they are-All

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY163R5d/

The earth swallowed him-Ranpo

That's why I never asked him again if he knew where he was-Mori

Dazai and Chuuya shrug their shoulders

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY16oru6/

Awwww-Atsushi

Thanks for staying-Chuuya

Thanks for giving me a reason-Dazai

Dazai kissed Chuuya softly

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY163b1U/

They have a good time-Hirotsu

It seems so-Kouyou

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1Mjj3h/

What happened there? -Chuuya

I used myself as a bomb-Dazai

What?-All

We had to evacuate everyone so I grabbed a bomb that was lying around-Dazai

Why was there a bomb lying around? -Atsushi

No idea-Higuchi

I put it on and said I was going to detonate it-Dazai

Everyone came out and this idiot scared me to death - Kunikida

Come on Kunikida I wouldn't explode myself that's not a way to die without pain -Dazai

I just knew you were a fucking suicidal psychopath-Kunikida

Everyone sighed calmly knowing that Dazai did not explode.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1MyRW9/

I do it for the money 😎-Atsushi

The mafia gives you more money-Akutagawa

😃✨🖐️-Atsushi

ATSUSHI!-The Agency

I mean, I don't want to kill people-Atsushi

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1MfFGo/

Hahaha I'm a good son of a bitch-Dazai

It's true you owe me a car-Chuuya

But I did give you one on our first date after we got married-Dazai

Oh yes that's true-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1MVypQ/

Everyone is dying of adorableness

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1MwNse/

He's a fucking-Dazai

What? -The Mafia

Was it fun? - Mori

No, the fun part was throwing it at your head-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1MEmg2/

Actually that's what Chuuya does-Dazai

Chuuya nods his head.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1rMkEM/

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

Get on your knees for me?-Chuuya

You know you're on top of me right? - Dazai

Chuuya sees that he is perfectly sitting on Dazai's lap.

"Then we'll leave it for later honey," Chuuya whispers in Dazai's ear.

Dazai moans softly into Chuuya's neck.

That's how I like it-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1ryjDM/

Chuuya, what were you doing there? -Kouyou

Eh eat-Chuuya sweats nervously

That's why you stopped me from entering your room? -Kunikida

Basically-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1hjjwm/

What?🤨-All

🙃-Akutagawa

🙂-Atsushi

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1h2b1y/

F?😔-Dazai

At least he didn't marry el-Chuuya

Why would I marry my father? 🤨-Dazai

Eh, next video-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1hMwdT/

One is dead for real and the other is dead to me-Dazai

Chuuya patted him on the head.

Why do you treat me like a dog? That's your job-Dazai

Chuuya sighs and lowers his hand to caress his back and Dazai arches like a cat.

Best kitten?-Chuuya

Dazai just rubs his head against the chest of his suit.

He calls me a dog but he looks like a cat-Think Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1hgxtH/

You're a shitty person who feels like shit-Chuuya

Thank you for your encouragement-Dazai

Chuuya sighs heavily and rubs a hand through Dazai's hair. Dazai hisses at him like an angry cat.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1hp7pF/

Kajii, why are you selling drugs to this asshole? -Chuuya

Because he pay for them-Kajii

It's good logic-Mori

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY1B3ADb/

I'm totally-Dazai

For things like that I pay you the psychologist-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYJHdgTY/

Money is really great👌-Dazai

Plus I have money and love, Chuuya is rich and he loves me, what else do I need-Dazai

A psychologist-Chuuya

And I have it thanks to your money-Dazai

Chuuya sighs.

I want money-Atsushi

Stealing from Akutagawa-Dazai

He is too soft, he doesn't even accept the money I want to give him-Akutagawa

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYJxAfjt/

How demanding of you Dazai-Yosano

That happened, I was the one who asked-Ranpo

(Girl: Atsushi boy: Dazai)

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYJTJe3T/

He was running around the house for five hours-Chuuya

I became a fast depressed-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYdgCg1H/

He wanted to hit every person who looked at Aya-Chuuya badly.

😄🔪-Dazai

😮‍💨-Chuuya

Very protective of you-Ranpo

Have children, let's see if you become protective of them or not-Dazai

No thanks, I'm already a child-Ranpo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYdpWtpP/

And that's why they are prohibited in our house-Chuuya

It wasn't that bad-Dazai

You walked around the house 20 times and tried to jump out the window telling me that nothing would happen to you because you are a living dead man who cannot die again-Chuuya

I did worse things on drugs-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYRHAXxA/

I remember that conversation we had on a random Monday after an exhausting mission-Dazai

Oh yeah, we were eating pasta on my couch-Chuuya

(Aya is Eri, Dazai is Izuku and Chuuya is Bakugo)

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYRptsgc/

Cute-Everyone

They are so cute💖💖-Chuuya

What a cute-Atsushi

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY8VRCN9/

I don't like the dress but damn it looks good on him-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYFYh8hN/

I become straight for that woman 🫦🫦🫦-Chuuya

Nice voice-Atsushi

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYhpdn7N/

I have to give him like 30 hugs just to get him out of bed-Chuuya

Chuuya is the best medicine against the desire to die and continue sleeping-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYkvLMyn/

Life was more interesting when I...-Chuuya kissed him, effectively interrupting Dazai.

No, shut up-Chuuya

But...-Dazai

Chuuya kissed him again to make him shut up.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYUjNa8o/

It's true-Dazai

But...-Chuuya

Chuuya, you wanted to run away with me when I left the mafia-Dazai

I...-Chuuya

Dazai kissed the redhead's hands

I already took away your sheep, I couldn't take away the mafia too-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@bangingshigaraki/video/6898210448987000070?_r=1&u_code=d5814j8j3hga0j&preview_pb=0&language=es&_d=e5b10gf5ee73ge&share_item_id=6898210448987000070&source=h5_m&timestamp=1677680651&user_id=6669718454503620614&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAPsmBAMLMGd_xnsMSCgYb1S9x0bfMdId6_ctdlAr7d5dkTOFFu64nyHSl8FMBO769&social_share_type=0&utm_source=copy&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=android&share_iid=7202370851755640581&share_link_id=a84dd482-3724-4d0e-9189-19b93f5fb394&share_app_id=1233&ugbiz_name=Main&ug_btm=b6880%2Cb2878

First of all, stay away from my husband😁🔪 and second, he is beautiful❤️‍🩹👄❤️‍🩹-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY5cVpEf/

Awwww-Atsushi

He looks happy-Ranpo

Why the hell you're on top of a building-Chuuya frowns

Dazai rests his head-There was a beautiful view.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJmfUHQA/

It's true 😌-Dazai

Dazai no-Chuuya

🥲-Dazai

The children and Chuuya hug Dazai because Dazai deserves hugs

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYtT7yT3/

Nah nah Chuuya if you die I'll die with you, that was the deal-Dazai

And who will take care of the children-Chuuya

Shit-Dazai

Yay Mama stays-Izumi and Q said happily

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJmJGrWR/

But Chuuya 😰-Kouyou

OMG 16 hours😨😨-Everyone

Damn 😧-Yosano

He won't be able to sit down in 5 years-Ranpo

👁️🫦👁️-Chuuya

You tempt me, you tempt me-Chuuya

Do you know what? I don't want to be here anymore - Dazai jumps out of a window

But...? -Atsushi

Don't worry, he fell on a mattress-Me

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJmw6xmp/

Every time I leave work before work-Dazai

Where the hell did you appear from? -Chuuya

The author brought me-Dazai

The author greets you

Well he is happy-Atsushi

Not his husband-Chuuya

How bad are you Chuuya-Dazai pouted at him

And I give you all my love 😍❤️-Dazai

Chuuya gave him the middle finger

Chapter Text

Translation: "Wait, wait, wait, what are you doing?" "Horrible commotion...it hurts" "I won't hurt you by staying calm" "No, you're persistent, put me down"

Oops someone misbehaved-Ranpo

Punishment sex-Yosano

Ummm domination-Ranpo

Why are you punished? -Yosano

I did the reports for five months and I forgot to eat and sleep-Dazai

Understandable-Ranpo

You have to look more at your health-Yosano

Dazai sighs-I know

You and your Snow White fetish-Chuuya 

"I just ended up working" Dazai shrugs his shoulders.

Awwww-Everyone

Cute-Kouyou

Translation:
When you wake up in the morning, I'll make you mine as soon as I can

Mine like *moves his eyebrows*-Ranpo

Translation:
All their penises against my holes!
Wasn't it all of you against me alone?

What the fuck? -Chuuya

*Confusion*-Mori, Hirotsu, Kouyou and Kunikida

What did you get high with? -Yosano and Ranpo

I don't know-Dazai

What you could eat with that mouth-Chuuya bites his lip

Cute-Everyone

He was so sleepy that morning that he spread jam on the glass of milk-Chuuya

You took me out of my comfortable bed for breakfast-Dazai

You had to eat something-Chuuya

I had to sleep 12 hours-Dazai

Chapter Text

How right-Chuuya

...He didn't say that-Dazai

You should all go to therapy-Me

There is no time-Port Mafia

Not even money-The Agency

Yosano and Chuuya look at each other with stars in their eyes

Oh no now they are going to drink together-Kouyou and Dazai

President ?-The Agency

Did he take Dazai's mushrooms? -Izumi

It seems like they changed bodies-Kouyou

That will be a mess-Ranpo

I don't get paid enough for this - Kunikida

Faithful my butt-Chuuya

Have I ever dated anyone else during our marriage? - Dazai

No...-Chuuya

Well that-Dazai hugs Chuuya tighter.

Only yours darling-Dazai left a kiss on his neck and continued looking at the screen.

Soukoku reconfirmed-Ranpo

Only eyes for Chuuya😛✌🏻-Yosano

What the hell? -Everyone

What were you doing? -Akutagawa, Chuuya and Kouyou

Falling -Atsushi

And Izumi scare us to death-Dazai

I thought you were together or something-Izumi

I prefer angry redheads-Dazai

And I emos them without eyebrows-Atsushi

What a bad image you give to children Kunikida-Dazai

You shut up-Kunikida

Poor students-Akutagawa

I taught him everything he knows about video games-Hirotsu

What a nice relationship-Kouyou

Are you teaching him how to make reports? -Kunikida

Do you know how to make reports? -Yosano

Yes-Dazai

They have to pay him for something, right? -Ranpo

And why do you never make them? -Kunikida

I make them, but at home-Dazai

Plus most of them are boring, I make them on the first day of the month, I sent them to the president and then Chuuya makes me crab stew-Dazai

Delicious crab stew-Dazai's mouth waters at the thought of crab

Oh-Kunikida

So that's why they didn't fire you even though you laze around all the time - Atsushi

They are-Akutagawa and Chuuya

They can disarm the thief in five seconds-Izumi

And you wanted to start a fight when I said I was married-Dazai

It's just that only I can have you-Chuuya

What did I tell you about doing that? -Chuuya

Don't do it or you will force me to eat a lot of vegetables that I don't like-Dazai

Exactly-Chuuya

Ah-Everyone

I feel disappointed but we still don't have a wedding video-Dazai

True-Chuuya

It's true, you are very hot-Dazai

If all the girls you want to date say the same thing-Kouyou

Are there girls who want to go out with me? -Chuuya

Oh yes-Kouyou

Dazai casts a death glare at the ceiling since he can't cast it at those girls who think they can have his husband.

Most of them leave when they know you're gay-Kouyou

He is incredible while kicking people-Dazai

The mafia nods in agreement

They truly are each other's babysitters-Hirotsu

You shot a guy just because he was looking at me-Chuuya

He was looking at you wrong-Dazai

Also, why do you keep hitting them until they are just pulp? -Dazai

Because they wanted to touch what is mine-Chuuya

Chapter Text

Oh come on it wasn't that bad-Mori

Dazai looks at him with a look like you're seriously saying that shit.

What a fucking shit-Chuuya was going to get up but a bandaged hand prevented him from doing so.

"This is it, I'm going to kill him." Chuuya was going to remove his hand from Dazai's grip.

Chuuya sit down-Dazai and Chuuya had a discussion just by looking at each other

Chuuya sighed and sat down, hugging Dazai tightly.

That's it-Chuuya got up and hit Mori in the face with all his strength, the impact caused him to fly against the wall and it broke due to the force.

Everyone watched in surprise as Chuuya stomped on the Mafia boss and cut off his air supply, he didn't even give him time to call Elise before Chuuya smashed his skull into the ground twenty times.

The author snapped her fingers, the blood disappeared from the floor and walls, the body was cremated and the wall was fixed.

With one hand the author appeared a bathroom for Chuuya to wash the blood off his suit.

The redhead entered the bathroom and closed the door while everyone was still frozen in shock.

Half an hour later Chuuya is having a glass of wine while he sat on Dazai's lap waiting for everyone to come back to life.

You killed the boss of the Mafia-Dazai

It wasn't a question but Chuuya still said-Yes.

For him-Hirotsu

It wasn't a question either but Chuuya answered anyway-Yes.

This is going to be a mess when we get back-Kouyou

Chuuya shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care."

Oh Chuuya darling-Dazai rested his forehead on Chuuya's shoulder while he thought.

Chuuya ran a hand through his brown hair -We'll figure it out.

That's it, I'm going to kidnap him-Dazai

Chuuya, do you mind if I take Q to the agency? - Dazai

No-Chuuya

Great -Dazai enters a room

"Do you want to work at the agency with me?" Dazai asked the 14-year-old boy.

Will I be able to see you and Yosano? -Q

Yes, you will work with us-Dazai

Mori doesn't care? -Q

Mori is dead, Chuuya is the new boss and he is fine with you coming to the agency-Dazai

Okey-Q grabs Dazai's hand and they both leave the room.

We should do that sometime-Q

Yes-Yosano

It would be nice-Dazai

Chapter Text

He really wanted to kill me for putting myself in danger-Dazai

"I wanted you to beat some sense into your senses." Chuuya smiled proudly.

Fear-Everyone

He is just a baby-Fukuzawa and Ranpo

Cute-Atshushi and Chuuya

I may be depressed but at least I have Chuuya-Dazai

You're still depressed-Ranpo

Okay, but I have Chuuya-Dazai

Akutagawa, are you okay? - Kouyou

No-Akutagawa

How does it feel to be tall for once in your life? - Dazai

Chuuya hits him

How right-Dazai

Honey, we've talked about this-Chuuya

Don't give me the talk again Chuuya-Dazai looks at him saying I know what you're going to tell me and I don't want to hear it.

Chuuya sighs but kisses Dazai's knuckles and says a soft ok.

You always remind me every day that I am beautiful and worth being alive-Dazai kisses Chuuya

What a good housekeeper-Hirotsu

Do you have equal tasks? -Kouyou

Not-Dazai and Chuuya

I have more free time and I like doing housework more, it helps me calm my mind-Dazai

Dazai takes out the trash, ventilates the house, tidies up the house, cleans the windows, dusts the furniture, washes the dishes, vacuums, cleans the bathroom, irons the clothes, folds and hangs the clothes, waters the houseplants, makes the bed, sets the table, puts on the washing machine and dishwasher and sweeps the floor-Chuuya

I do the shopping, I dust the shelves, we do the laundry together and from now on we will take turns cooking-Chuuya

And you're okay with that? -Kunikida

Yes-both answer at the same time

As I said before, I like doing chores more and Chuuya likes to see me doing chores-Dazai

What can I say, you are cute as a househusband-Chuuya

Has Dazai ever gotten angry with you for doing housework? -Atsushi

Because he does more chores, no, but once he hit me with a flip-flop for staining the bloodbath-Chuuya

That's because I had just cleaned it and you decided to bleed to death in my freshly cleaned bathroom-Dazai

And where did you want me to bleed to death? -Chuuya

At the door-Dazai

Nice-All

Cute-Atsushi

Calm down-Hirotsu

Relaxed and beautiful at the same time-Kouyou

Awwwwwww-Everyone

Cute-Atsushi

So soft, it's very tender-Ranpo

Dazai gestures for Chuuya to hug him. He sighs but gives his hug to his boyfriend.

Dazai snuggles into the redhead's arms and Chuuya just smiles lovingly at his cute husband.

Oh I remember that, it was on one of our rare days off-Chuuya

Oh yes, we went to a meadow and we made flower crowns-Dazai

You look young-Atsushi

We should have been 16 back then-Dazai

It's a nice image-Kouyou

They really look at each other with love-Fukuzawa

So cute-Everyone

Awww they have cats-Fukuzawa

Dazai really is a cat person-Hirotsu

I don't know how to make they react to this, just enjoy the image-The author

They are very cute-Kouyou

And adorable-Izumi

They look good-Yosano

They are laughing-Akutagawa

They are happy-Atsushi

Where is that? -Kunikida

In the garden of our house-Dazai

Relaxing-Ranpo

Awwwwwwwww-Everyone

They are adorable-Akutagawa

So cute-Atsushi

Kitten✨✨✨-Fukuzawa

Chuuya Cat ^o^✨0✨-Dazai

U_U-Chuuya

Chapter Text

Today you will react to Dazai as a child-Yo

This will be interesting-Chuuya

How cute you were as a child-Kouyou

Very adorable-Hirotsu

Ahhhh it's so cute-Atsushi

I want to hug him and protect him from the world-Chuuya

Awwwww-Akutagawa and Gin

You're really cute-Kunikida

So adorable-Ranpo

Why did you have to become a suicidal maniac😫🖐️-Yosano

Things of life-Dazai

It's just so beautiful-Chuuya

Ohh why are you crying-Akutagawa

No idea-Dazai

Fucking mother, give me that adorableness-Chuuya

So innocent-Fukuzawa

Translation: Unexpectedly he is good with children

Chuuya we have many children-Dazai

Yes-Chuuya

We should seek help for large families-Dazai

Dazai, honey, we are rich-Chuuya

Oh yeah! True-Dazai

Amen-Ranpo

Amen sister-Yosano

Damn, he has more ass than me-Yosano

Tremendous figure-Chuuya

He has a better body than some of my girls-Kouyou

How slender and elegant-Izumi

It looks very good-Hirotsu

10 out of 10-Kouyou

Very handsome-Atsushi and Akutagawa

So beautiful-Chuuya

Bastard you never played violin for me-Chuuya

You never asked for it-Dazai

Wait, you would have played if I asked you!!!-Chuuya

Probably not but I would have taken it into account-Dazai

For bets-Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

You have to play at the Agency sometime-Fukuzawa

Yes-Everyone at the Agency supported the idea.

I want to hear Dazai playing the violin again-Hirotsu

Yes, I would love to hear it too-Kouyou

What if when we get back we pick a date and I give you a mini concert for both organizations?-Dazai suggested the idea, he wants to know what you think of his music.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

Chapter Text

A reader told me she wanted to hear Dazai playing the violin-Me

Dazai, do you mind if I put videos of you playing the violin? -Me

How do you have videos of me playing the violin 😃? - Dazai

Magic-Me

(Imagine that the videos I put are dazai)

https://youtube.com/shorts/K4FLM0IyEYI?si=cCW3Rj0BYMRrcuMV

Wow-Everyone

You play very well-Chuuya

Where are you? -Hirotsu

In Russia-Dazai

What were you doing in Russia? -Kouyou

Visit a friend-Dazai

https://youtube.com/shorts/N_DcbOjo7cc?si=Ue_KA-8XWftAfzgn

The music is very lively-Atsushi

I remember that I was happy to spend a whole day playing board games with everyone-Dazai

You play well-Izumi

Thanks-Dazai

https://youtube.com/shorts/a3zdMg6RgBM?si=rxgvHuOij_Ifz39E

Wow-Everyone

You play really well-Akutagawa

It's amazing-Gin

Thanks kids-Dazai

https://youtube.com/shorts/xH11ovUc-Co?si=DzuLzJhqY1F-jci_

Wait, I remember you played that once for me when dad was away-Aya

And sometimes you played it for me on my difficult days-Q

I did it if-Dazai

"Why are you playing for our daughter and not for me?" Chuuya pouts.

Because our daughter doesn't know how to distinguish between a good and bad chord-Dazai

Me neither, I'm going to say that everything sounds incredible-Chuuya

Dazai laughed.

(Odasaku on piano and Dazai on violin)

To your friend yes but to your boyfriend no, disappointment, betrayal brother-Chuuya

You play well-Hirotsu

Thanks-Dazai

Oh yes my parents liked me to play classical music on the violin-Dazai

You are so talented ✨👄✨-Atsushi

https://youtube.com/shorts/iF_b_34TW1E?si=Gh8vQfjHjFtqxhD0

Oh that was my first concert-Dazai

How old were you? -Akutagawa

10-Dazai

And you played so well? -Atsushi

When your parents teach you from a young age, you learn to do great things when you grow up-Dazai

Dazai could you please play something for us-Hirotsu

I don't have...-Dazai

The author made Dazai's violin appear

Thanks-Dazai

Dazai opened the case and got ready, the melody started a few minutes later

When the melody ended everyone was silent and then the applause began.

You play so well-Kouyou

How are you not a professional musician? -Kunikida

I didn't want to be-Dazai

Beautiful and talented - Chuuya kissed him

Chapter Text

How epic of you-Ranpo

They look amazing-Atsushi

We look good-Dazai

We look magnificent-Fyodor

How beautiful-Akutagawa

I like the design-Yosano

They look sweet for some psychopathic terrorists-Ranpo

Why do I have horns? - Dazai

Seriously that's the only thing you're worried about!!!-Kunikida

Yes-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYe6mjtv/

I steal your man-Fyodor

Chuuya stood up and hit him with his fist.

He grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up.

"Listen to me, you little shitty rat, that waste of bandages is mine and mine alone, try to steal it from me and I'll find out six meters under the ground." Chuuya growled at Fyodor.

"So hot," Dazai whispered as he watched his husband claim his place as the only one in his heart.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYe2TPD6/

Se ven bien-Akutagawa

Do you know what long is? -Fyodor

😡-Chuuya

My list of crimes-Dazai

Same-Fyodor

😐😤-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYe62uQf/

Stay away from my fucking husband-Chuuya

😀-Fyodor

Fuck it-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYe6CmTt/

👁️👁️😀-Dazai

👁️👁️😃-Fyodor

😡😡🤺🤺🤺-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYe6xJu6/

I can't help but think they look great -Atsushi

We look fantastic-Dazai

10 of 10-Fyodor

Chuuya frowned at both of them.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYeM1uUG/

I'm going to kill him-Chuuya

Dazai grabbed his hand and pulled him into his lap.

Chuuya love, you know you're the only one for me-Dazai looked him in the eyes saying with them you know it's true honey

Chuuya stared at his husband and then proceeded to smother him in a demanding kiss making everyone look the other way.

Chapter Text

(The girl with a snowflake is Dazai's mother, the two-colored one is his little brother, the white-haired one is his older brother, and the girl with red highlights is his older sister. The boy with wings is Gin, The one with dark clothes is Dazai, the blonde girl is Akutagawa and the one with blue hair is Chuuya)

(Instead of Touya says Shuji)

Why are they looking for me? - Dazai

Because they want you back-Me

They've had 10 years for that-Dazai

You're not that easy to find you know-Me

How many brothers do you have? -Atsushi

I have an older sister, an older brother, me, a younger sister and a younger brother-Dazai

(Dazai in the middle, the girl is his older sister, the boy is his older brother)

We separated when I was 10 years old-Dazai

Why?-Atsushi

They had to go to college and stuff-Dazai

(Dazai and his family)

He literally tried to change me for an Oreo cookie-Dazai

Everyone looks at him and Dazai shrugs his shoulders.

Hahahaha those kidnappers were really stupid-Dazai

What the hell? -Ranpo

Why did they want to kidnap you? -Yosano

Things from my father-Dazai

They once left me at a gas station when I was 6-Dazai

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

My sister found me when she filled the car with gas-Dazai

What kind of parents did you have? -Fukuzawa

They were great but somewhat forgetful-Dazai

(The one in green is Dazai and the blonde one is Chuuya, the text is Die or be with Chuuya)

Exactly asshole-Chuuya

That was nice-Everyone

(The two-colored one is his little brother, the white-haired one is his older brother, and the girl with red highlights is his older sister. The black-haired one is Dazai)

Where did he get a weapon? - Dazai

Is that the only thing that worries you?! -Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

(The blue-eyed is Dazai, the girl his sister and the boy with glasses a friend of his sister)

Why did you have a knife? -Fukuzawa

Protection?-Dazai

It seems like he was always an older brother-Ranpo

That's why he is so good with children-Yosano

(Aaron is Chuuya and the maid is a girl from Port Mafia, his wife is Dazai and the children are Gin, Akutagawa, Izumi and Aya)

Marking territory-Ranpo

What a bitch-Dazai

That bitch better stay away from daddy-Gin

Akutagawa nodded in agreement with his sister.

How heavy it was-Yosano

I'm glad he's finally dead-Dazai

Same-Yosano

(Dazai's mother, Dazai's father and Dazai)

Then he taught me how to use a bat😎-Dazai

That's where he get it from -Hirotsu

(Dazai's father, his and Dazai's little sister)

How did you do that? -Chuuya

Magic-Dazai

Free money and death, what happiness-Dazai smiled happily.

(The one in green is Dazai, The girl with blue eyes and the brown jacket is Dazai's mother, The one in blue is Dazai's older brother and the one in red is Dazai's younger brother)

...-All

WHAT A FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!-Chuuya

Chuuya...-Dazai

NO! How are you alive after that?!!?!??!!??!!?!-Chuuya

I...-Dazai

What about you? -Chuuya

Dazai pulled Chuuya into his lap and silenced him with a kiss.

They shot me, but they hit me in the stomach, my parents quickly took me to the hospital to be treated -Dazai

Everyone sighed collectively.

Dazai hugged Cuuya and began rocking them both while he hummed a song he knew in his ear to calm his husband.

"I'm sorry to make you worry so much, darling." Dazai kissed him on the head.

(The one with two-color hair is Dazai, the girl is Yosano and the one with black hair is Fukuzawa)

Now I have two sons and a daughter instead of one-Fukuzawa

Ranpo, Yosano and Dazai smile at him.

And they only bring chaos-Fukuzawa

The three smile chaotically.

(The green haired boy is Dazai, the blonde haired boy is Chuuya, the blonde girl is a random girl and the green haired girl is Hirotsu)

That day I scared the shit out of myself-Chuuya

How did Hirotsu know? -Kunikida

Because I told him-Dazai

It seems like you trust him a lot-Fukuzawa

Yes-Dazai

Hirotsu smiled at Dazai and Dazai smiled back.

How come you are immortal? -Atsushi

One day God came down and told me you are going to stay alive because you are a whore and San Pedro doesn't want to deal with you-Dazai

(Instead of Me he says Dazai and instead of 18 he says 22)

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYd7xvxQ/ 

She got very scratchy when I said that-Dazai

Why traumas psychology-Chuuya sighs in suffering

Nah she recovered quickly-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYd7okm3/ 

Suicidal thoughts are very annoying when you are trying to stay alive-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYdvYK29/

Very true-Chuuya

Yes I'm a bitch-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYdvy7M8/

What did I just see?👁️👄👁️-Everyone

If it happened I was the bed-Me

👁️👄👁️-Dazai

(The one with purple hair is Dazai)

They never gave me the candy😔✋🏻-Dazai

Even as a child they kidnap you-Hirotsu

I've been a bad bitch since I was little😎-Dazai

How bad I am😄😊-Dazai

It doesn't surprise me that he only stays kidnapped so that Chuuya comes to save him like a prince-Kouyou

https://youtu.be/r6E8PBRbKjU

Awwwwwww-Everyone

That was so adorable-Chuuya

Cute family of dads-Atsushi

*Everyone dies of adorableness*

I want to hug him forever-Everyone

COLLECTIVE HUG-Me

They all give each other a group hug.

(Imagine that everyone hugs each other)

Let's go Chuuya Let's go-Ranpo and Yosano

Why do you have a poopy boyfriend? -Kunikida

No idea-Dazai

That's my husband-Chuuya cheered.

Fuck it-Everyone

*Kouyou went into proud mother mode*

(Dazai the brown hair one, Chuuya the robot)

How cute-everyone

Awwww-Atsushi

Aww you always blush when I say compliments-Chuuya

Too sweet-Dazai blushes up to his ears

Chuuya laughs happily

Between the two of them they are going to leave me poor-Chuuya

Dazai just smiled

Awww-Everyone

What beautiful flowers-Dazai

Chuuya thought "should I give him flowers more often?"

He saw Dazai looking at the flowers with a hopeful smile and that only solidified the idea that he would buy flowers more often for his husband.

(The girl is Dazai and the boy is Chuuya)

Let's see who that bitch is? - Dazai

Who the hell is Ava? -Chuuya

I do not know

Maybe a friend? -Atsushi

Everyone shrugged

https://youtu.be/hJ2h-uzQERg

Oh god so fucking adorable-Chuuya

What a great father-Fukuzawa

AWWWWWWW-Everyone

(The one with green hair, Dazai, the one with blonde hair, a random one)

How do you do that? -Chuuya

Immortal Powers -Dazai

Fucking shit-Kunikida

(The one with a rose is Dazai's little sister and the one with brown hair is Dazai)

Now you not only traumatize us, but also your family-Chuuya

I traumatize everyone-Dazai

(The one with the blindfold Dazai, the next two are his parents, the girl is his older sister and the boy with a purple streak is his older brother)

And I flew-Dazai

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

But what? -Chuuya

What a dick-Akutagawa

How can it fly? - Gin

No idea-Dazai

(The one with the pink wick is Dazai's older brother and the one with horns is Dazai)

What?-All

What's up with being perfect? -Gin

That's what happens when your parents have high expectations of you-Dazai

Who was the little girlfriend? -Atsushi

"I was married to someone at fourteen." Dazai shrugged.

Everyone looked at him with a look of what the fuck.

That's why I ran away, I wasn't going to marry someone I didn't want-Dazai

What the fuck? -Chuuya

You ran away from home to avoid marrying a woman-Atsushi

Yes-Dazai

What? -Kunikida

She was a bitch, I didn't want a marriage with her, I would surely commit suicide in two days-Dazai

Everyone looks at him with a face of What a dick

Next video-Me

(Dazai the one with the bat, the one with red hair is his little sister and the boy with brown hair is his little brother)

Protective Brother Mode Activated - Ranpo

Only I can hit my brother-Dazai

I like the protective Dazai-Yosano

I like the bat-Chuuya

everyone looks at him

What? Dazai with weapons looks good whether it's a gun, a bat or a wrench-Chuuya shrugged his shoulders.

(The purple girl Dazai, the white boy Chuuya, the rabbit-eared Yosano and the yellow Ranpo)

Wow, look how much I wanted to commit suicide all of a sudden, I'm going to look for a bridge-Dazai

Chuuya threw himself on top of Dazai to prevent his departure.

I didn't keep you alive for eight years so now a shitty video fucks you up-Chuuya

Honey, I wouldn't have married you if I wanted to screw up our relationship-Chuuya

Besides, I wouldn't be such a bitch to be unfaithful, I'd just talk to you to finish it-Chuuya

"Well, I'm glad you know how to talk to finish me off," Dazai said with tears in his eyes.

My life-Chuuya wiped the tears that stained his husband's beautiful eyes

Honey, I will never get tired of you and I am sure that if I did you would do something to make me fall in love again, you always make me want to marry you again-Chuuya hugged Dazai tightly and kissed his jaw.

Let's put a better video-Me

"It's true," Dazai said while brushing Chuuya's hair away from his face because they were lying on the floor.

Chuuya smiled "Yes I do."

"I love you," Chuuya whispered into Dazai's chest.

I know-Dazai kissed Chuuya's hair as an apology for what happened earlier.

(Dazai and his family)

Shit the truth-Dazai

Awww they care about you-Chuuya

Atsushi and Dazai: *Dancing to the music*

Chuuya and Akutagawa: *see their boyfriends having fun while dancing and smiling*

(Dazai, his older brother and his mother)

I don't even know how we ended up in Africa and how she found us-Dazai

Doing crazy things like always-Hirotsu

https://youtube.com/shorts/-Q-73A_QwKA?feature=share

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️-Dazai and Me

How beautiful-Kouyou

What a beautiful relationship between brothers-Izumi

(The one with blue hair is Dazai in the mafia era and the one with green hair is his little brother)

His school was a glanders-Dazai

So that's why you disappeared for a whole week-Kouyou

What did you do at his school? -Izumi

Bully some kids :)-Dazai

Chapter Text

Well from what I know about this AU Odasaku is alive and works at the agency, Dazai killed Mori and is the boss of the Mafia, Chuuya is his right hand man, Atsushi and Izumi work for the mafia, Akutagawa works for the agency but Gin works for the mafia-Me

Okay...-Everyone

We look good-Everyone

...-All

At least I got to die in a universe-Dazai

Chuuya sobs, hiding his face in his hands.

Oh shit-Dazai thought.

Love-Whisper Dazai as he watched his husband break down in tears God how he hated seeing him suffer

Dazai grabbed Chuuya and took him to the room while he cried on his shoulder and grabbed Dazai's shirt tightly.

"Honey, I'm here." Dazai took Chuuya's hand and placed it on his wrist so he could feel his pulse.

Chuuya just cried harder

Oh my life-Dazai hugged him tightly and let Chuuya get everything out of his system while he whispered promises to stay away from suicide attempts.

After an hour of crying, Chuuya ended up falling asleep on Dazai's chest listening to his heart pumping blood.

I won't leave your side darling, I promised to stay in this life-Dazai kissed Chuuya's forehead and they both snuggled up in bed to rest.

Meanwhile in the room:

Do you think they are okay? -Atsushi

"I don't know," Akutagawa looked worriedly at the door through which his parents had left.

Mom will be able to calm Dad down right? - Gin looked worried between the door and her brother.

I'm sure my brother will be able to calm Oni-chan-Q

I hope so-Izumi

I'm glad Aya is at school and not reacting, this would destroy her-Kunikida

I'm glad Dazai is alive and with us-Yosano

Everyone nodded in agreement.

The author appeared

Let's let them rest, let's continue seeing more images-Me

Okay...?-Everyone

They all look incredible really-Atsushi

Yes-Akutagawa

He looks intimidating-Kunikida

Yes-Atsushi with a little fear

Looks like he's going to hit you any second-Gin

It seems that he has a plan and he will enforce it no matter how-Ranpo

Kunikida, you changed your glasses-Yosano

They look good-Kenji

You look very good Atsushi-Kenji

Thank you Kenji-Atsushi

Akutagawa with nosebleed

Ryu-Gin and Atsushi

They look powerful-Kouyou

Very powerful-Hirotsu

That's because they are-Me

You're going to die in less than a second-Hirotsu

Kouyou nodded in agreement.

In the room:

Chuuya wakes up and sees Dazai sleeping peacefully clinging to him.

Chuuya smiled

"I'm glad you're still alive," he said as he kissed his husband's chest right where his heart was.

"I'm glad to be alive." Dazai linked his hands behind Chuuya's neck and pushed him down so he could kiss him.

Umm-Chuuya hummed happily in the kiss

"Are you better?" Dazai asked worriedly.

Yes, don't worry-Chuuya lay down on his husband's chest.

"I'm glad." Dazai intertwined his hands on Chuuya's hips and both just enjoyed each other's presence.

Chapter Text

By the way, if you put this story in your library, it will notify you when I update or upload a chapter

https://www.tiktok.com/@arsonarlert/video/7114010491772751150?_r=1&u_code=d5814j8j3hga0j&preview_pb=0&language=es&_d=e5b10gf5ee73ge&share_item_id=7114010491772751150&source=h5_m &timestamp=1675290137&user_id=6669718454503620614&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAPsmBAMLMGd_xnsMSCgYb1S9x0bfMdId6_ctdlAr7d5dkTOFFu64nyHSl8FMBO769&utm_source=copy&utm_campaign=client_share& utm_medium=android&share_iid=7190049643928192774&share_link_id=9024393b-ed18 -4d9e-b316-bd178da93dec&share_app_id=1233&ugbiz_name=Main&ug_btm=b2878%2Cb2878

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYFsmYHA/

And that's how Dazai finally drowns to death-Yo

😃🤨-Dazai

Shut up and go back to Chuuya-Yo

*Dazai shrugs and leaves*

Chapter Text

Why are you in a wheelchair? -Hirotsu

Because Chuuya fucked me until my fucking legs broke-Dazai

I didn't hit you so hard-Chuuya

Chuuya honey every time I try to get up I fall, I can't fucking walk-Dazai

Oops🤷-Chuuya

😃-Kunikida

👁️👄👁️👌-Me

Wow-Ranpo

Yes, they put effort into it-Yosano

Can we continue reacting? -Atsushi just wanted to go into a ditch and die after that (Poor Atsushi traumatized him a lot :v)

Sure-Me

When you're sick of shit and you solve your problems-Dazai

I'm scared-Atsushi

He deserved it-Yosano

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYkvKDJ/

Why are you eating my ring? - Dazai

Because I like plastic-Chuuya

Did I hit him with a sticky elastic hand? -Atsushi

Yes-Me

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYARtak/

Awww Chuuya you finally kneel before me-Dazai said in a sing-song voice.

Chuuya slapped him in the head

👁️👁️-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYANyNv/

"I'm sorry, darling." Dazai kissed Chuuya's head.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYSvJwB/

F for me-Dazai

F-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYA13yP/

I directly said to hell and I created a whole universe for Odasaku to live in-Dazai

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

➖👄➖-Everyone

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYSctEC/

Everything up to creating a damn universe and playing the violin for it-Chuuya

And hit the violin thing-Dazai

He was your boyfriend!-Chuuya

If I give you a damn private concert, will you drop the subject? - Dazai

Maybe-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYAFW63/

Verga-Akutagawa

Sorry I laughed-Me

Why do you want to die in all universes? -Chuuya

Because is it part of my personality-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYS32v4/

We can't have that-Chuuya can't let his tall shit bottom tell him that, he grabbed Dazai and they went back to the room.

Damn, Dazai is going to need the wheelchair again-Atsushi

And a week of bed rest-Ranpo

Everyone nodded in agreement that Chuuya was going to leave Dazai without hips.

Chapter Text

We return to the living room where we can see Dazai with a hot water bottle between his legs and asleep on the couch.

Wow you tired him so much that he fell asleep-Ranpo

Why does he have a hot water bottle on his legs? 🤨-Yosano

Good for circulation?-Chuuya

Everyone looked at the couch where Dazai was currently asleep clinging to Chuuya's arm as he sat next to the couch on the floor, Dazai rubbed his head on Chuuya's arm like a cat and let out an unintelligible happy noise.

Chuuya smiled happily

They gave diabetes because of how in love they were

Well people today we will react to my favorite trio-Me

Okay-they all said softly so as not to wake up the brunette.

(From now on everyone is talking in whispers but since I would get tired of writing and reading so much this whisper this that whisper the other I make it normal)

Elegant-Chuuya

Very handsome-Akutagawa

They look beautiful-Kouyou

❤👄❤-Chuuya and Poe

They look very good-Akutagawa

So handsome and smart-Chuuya

In addition to being geniuses, they are beautiful-Yosano

It seems they have solved a new case-Fukuzawa

We did it-Ranpo

It's a very good image-Koukoku

Yes-Hirotsu

They look good-Fukuzawa

We look very elegant-Yosano

Ranpo nodded in agreement.

He looks like a father with his two children-Izumi

I am - Fukuzawa

Awwwww-Everyone

How cute-Akutagawa and Chuuya

Wow it takes trust for Dazai to really sleep in front of you-Hirotsu

They scare me-Atsushi

Same-All

It seems like they are going to kill you slowly and painfully-Chuuya

"WHO THE FUCK MADE KENJI CRY!" Chuuya shouted and quickly covered his mouth.

Dazai fell off the couch when he heard the scream.

Ah-Said a confused Dazai looking from the ground

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey," Chuuya said, uncovering his mouth.

Dazai dragged Chuuya to another couch where they could both lie down. He sat Chuuya on the edge and lay down on the couch with his back to everyone. Chuuya began to caress Dazai's hair and began to hum a song in French, making Dazai fall asleep very quickly for the second time that day.

I don't want your man's chaos in my life, Chuuya, take him away-Kunikida

Chuuya laughed a little at Dazai's poor partner, he should invite that man for a drink so they could both complain about his husband.

Dazai seemed to notice the headache that the friendship of those two would bring him and his head rested on Chuuya's chest.

Chuuya let him sleep the rest of the time.

Chapter Text

Today we are going to read a tired student Dazai and a mafia boss Chuuya-Yo

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26235178?view_adult=true ⬅️ LINK

Being a university student fucking sucks.

How do you know? -Kunikida

At least that is Dazai’s impression as he drives his crappy car through Yokohama, on his way to the less enjoyable of his two jobs. Being a waiter at Lupin is tolerable, even fun when nobody got too drunk to differentiate friend from foe. The evenings when Odasaku visits are the nicest. Chatting a little with his best friend, maybe even getting a drink himself when his shift ends.

Do you have two jobs? -Ada

Working in retail, on the other hand, was most likely the ninth circle of hell where Satan spits on your shoes and makes a mess out of everything you just finished tidying. But he needs the money, so that was that. It is quite difficult to afford rent in Yokohama when you don’t want to live on the same street as the members of some small gang and actually want electricity. So Dazai resigned himself to the reality of going to university five days a week, working at Lupin’s four nights a week and getting screamed at by angry middle-aged women five days a week. He sometimes considered jumping off a very tall building, just to escape the terrible stress of exams looming at the horizon. A tall building sounds nice.

Up with suicide-Dazai

“Sure, study finance, Osamu. It’s going to go great, Osamu. You’re so smart, everything is going to be easy, Osamu,” he mumbles as he speeds along the main road to get to his own personal hell. This beautiful Friday afternoon was far too promising a day to get ruined, but he has no choice. The rent in Yokohama is absolutely insane.

He is studying finance!?!?!-Everyone

As a student with two jobs, Dazai Osamu does not get enough sleep. He barely scrapes the ‘this is enough, so you won’t fall over’-line, sometimes the hours are concerningly few. So nobody can blame him that he’s tired, it’s truly not his fault. So when his eyes slowly start to droop while he’s driving, it’s not his fault. The real culprit is definitely society.

Of course society-Chuuya

It is only a moment of rest—and live-endangering sleep—before Dazai’s eyes snap open, steering his car out of the way of the obstacle that just appeared in front of his car, while desperately hitting the brakes. Unfortunately, it is too late to completely evade catastrophe, so Dazai hits the obstacle with the right side of his car. The ‘obstacle’ turns out to be a person with fiery red hair.

“Fuck.”

The tiredness is gone as Dazai’s car comes to a stillstand. The adrenaline working through his veins prevents him from fully realizing what happened just a moment ago, making his body go into overdrive.

“Fucking shit.” Dazai jumps out of the car—almost forgetting to undo his seatbelt—sprinting to the figure lying on the ground. The man that lies there looks a little older than him, long red hair sprawled out around his head. Dazai almost gets a heart attack because he thinks it’s blood at first, but no, just hair. 

Dazai has to admit that he panics a little. Maybe more than a little. But, to be fair, he also just ran a person over, which was a first for him. The young man doesn’t seem to have any visual injuries. No limbs in strange contortions, no blood flowing from his head, no obvious wounds. The only thing Dazai notices is the scrapes on the man’s right arm, where the leather jacket rode up a little. But they seem minor and are bleeding only slightly. Dazai finally notices that cars all around him are honking. He is standing right on the main street, blocking the way with his car and his body. The people in the cars don’t even seem to care that he just injured an innocent pedestrian, who is currently lying unconscious on the street. God, what a day. 

Fuck who you killed-Yosano

“Okay, okay. This is bad,” he mumbles as he tries to think of what to do. His hands are in his hair, tucking slightly at his brown strands. He looks from the man on the street to the chaos around him, taking in the noise, the impatience, the thrum of traffic. His next decision can be written off as stress and panic because instead of calling an ambulance—like a rationally thinking human being would—he decides to heave the man into his own car, getting him into the backseat. Dazai will look back to this decision and think of it as a product of sleep deprivation, but the truth is that Dazai Osamu is oftentimes a disaster of a person, despite his cunning and intellect.

What the hell? DID YOU JUST PUT THE PERSON YOU HIT IN YOUR CAR?!!!!!?!-Chuuya

It seems so-Dazai says calmly.

“Everything will be fine,” he says as he starts the motor again, “nobody died, so its’s fine, we will figure something out. Yes, I will just…think of something.”

He slowly gets back into the regular traffic and after a few seconds, there is no trace of the accident that occurred only minutes before. 

It is important to mention that things would, indeed, not be fine.

…

Having the man you just knocked unconscious with your car in your own home is a pretty bad idea. That much Dazai realizes as he stands in front of his old, crappy couch with no particular clue what to do for first aid. Sure, he had to do courses for his driver’s license, but he couldn’t remember the chapter about treating someone with minor injuries from a car accident. That could be because most of those lessons tell you to call an ambulance or get that person to the hospital immediately. In Dazai’s case, he just left the victim of his own stupidity on his sofa, while he is thinking about what to do. He, at least, remembered to turn the man on his side so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit, which at least meant that he would not have a corpse in his living room anytime soon. 

The cock-Yosano slaps his forehead

“Hello?” Dazai tries to gently wake the redhead on his couch. “Uhm, are you—Can you hear me? Please answer if you can hear me…or, grumble? Make a noise?”

The man doesn’t make a single noise. He only breathes—thank God—evenly, making some strands of red hair move in front of his face. 

Okay, that is quite unfortunate. Dazai had hoped that the man would simply wake up, thank him for taking him home—or curse him for hitting him with his car—and walk his merry way. Apparently, that isn’t happening. 

You know what's normal-Ranpo

Dazai thinks for a minute, pacing in front of his couch, going through every possible action he could take to set things right. He sighs deeply as he fishes his phone out of his back pocket, calling the only person he trusts enough to take advice from.

“Dazai?”

“Odasaku! I’m so glad to hear your voice,” Dazai exclaims, moving out of the living room and into his little kitchen to avoid screaming at an unconscious body. 

Oh for Arahabaki, he's alive-Dazai

Is everything alright?” Odasaku asks, not knowing he is rubbing salt into a very open wound.

“Listen,” Dazai grits out, “I think I fucked up.” There is a short silence before he continues, “I didn’t mean to, I swear! I was just so tired, I’m always tired, and I didn’t see him. I just—I don’t—What should I do—”

“Dazai!”

The student stops his rambling, swallowing around the pressure in his throat. 

“I need you to calm down and tell me what happened.”

How could Odasaku be this responsible all the time? Dazai takes a deep breath, calmed by the deep voice of his year-long friend. Things are going to be fine.

“I ran someone over with my car,” he says, gripping his phone tight. “I—was on the way to my job and I didn’t sleep enough in…weeks and…I just didn’t notice him.” Admitting that part is hard, but he knows when to give up. His own carelessness almost cost someone else their life. 

“Dazai, where are you right now?” Odasaku asks gently through the phone.

“At home.”

“Did—Did you leave them there?”

“What? No, I—I brought him to my flat, he’s lying on the couch and…he doesn’t seem very injured.” He doesn’t seem to realize that this isn’t the usual procedure when people get into car accidents. 

“The man…that you ran over…is currently in your flat, instead of the hospital,” Odasaku says it as if he is talking to a child, or a very intellectually challenged adult. 

It's both-Chuuya

“I panicked,” Dazai says, moving back and forth in the little kitchen. “I just—I wasn’t sure if he needed serious help, but he is also unconscious, so I couldn’t really ask.”

“The man isn’t even awake?” Odasaku sounds oddly strained over the phone. Like he was in a tremendous amount of pain.

“Well, no. But he seemed fine, only a few scratches,” Dazai tries to reassure his friend and walks into his living room to the couch, “he is really—”

“Dazai?” He gets no answer. “Dazai is everything alright?”

“Odasaku…I will call you back,” he says before disconnecting the call. 

And now what? -Kunikida

The man was gone. 

Dazai hadn’t heard the front door open or close, so he had to be still in the flat. God, he hopes that he doesn’t puke anywhere. 

“Why is this happening to me?” Dazai whines as he begins to search for the mysterious man in his apartment. Granted, it isn’t a very large apartment, only a living room, bedroom, bath and a small addition that could barely be called a kitchen. It should be easy to find a person here, especially if said person was unconscious less than ten minutes ago. Yet, somehow, Dazai has a hard time finding his guest. He looks behind doors, under his bed, in his closet, nothing. He even goes back to his sofa in case he developed hallucinations because of sleep deprivation, but nothing.

“What the hell,” Dazai mutters, beginning to doubt that someone else is in the flat with him. He had looked everywhere a human could hide—even the smaller spaces, because the man seemed quite tiny—but hadn’t even found blood. 

There are only two possibilities, either the man was already gone, or he is currently hiding somewhere in the flat. But why would he hide?

“Okay, this is ridiculous,” Dazai snaps, stopping his desperate search. “Where are you? I know you are here, there is no way you left the house,” he yells through his flat, “so would you be so kind and move out of your hiding spot, because I am really—”

There is a cold blade against his throat before Dazai can finish his sentence. He tries not to move, tries not to breathe, but the panic wells inside him with a steady flow. He can feel himself beginning to sweat, cold and clammy all over his skin.

“Who are you?” comes the voice from the man behind him. The same man he accidentally injured and then took home not long ago. What a fucking shitshow. 

“Shouldn’t I ask that?” Dazai calls out panicked, “You are in my flat and you have a knife!”

He shouldn’t have yelled, because now the blade is digging stronger into his skin. Making a drop of blood trickle down his throat, down into his shirt. The man behind him seems angry, and Dazai is extremely bad at diffusing dangerous situations. 

“How did I get here?” the man growls. Well, this is awkward.

“Listen,” Dazai begins frantically, “it was all an accident, I didn’t mean to—to…that never happened before, I’m not so careless normally, so I don’t know—”

“How did I get here?” The pressure on Dazai’s throat increases. Dazai swallows.

“I—Uhm, I may have hit you with my car and…and brought you here.” It sounds even dumber as he says it again. 

The man is silent for a moment, but Dazai can still feel the anger radiating off him. He thinks rapidly about how he could escape this situation. The living room is relatively near to the door, but he has the suspicion that the other was far fitter than him. So he would probably just make him angrier. 

“You—Bullshit, you kidnapped me,” the man exclaims. Well, he wasn’t totally wrong. 

“No! I just…I panicked and didn’t call an ambulance, but you were unconscious, so I couldn’t just leave you there.” Dazai just hopes that he sounds believable. 

“You ran someone over,” the man says, “and then you just take that person to your house? Instead of a doctor?” 

Dazai just nods, there was no need to further explain his misery and stupidity.

“Don’t you know who I am?” the redhead asks, holding the knife a little further from his throat. 

That was a kind of pretentious thing to ask, but he doesn’t complain. At least he can’t feel the blade anymore.

“Are you…Are you famous, or something?” Dazai asks. It would be just his luck to abduct a famous actor or singer. The guy will sue him to hell. 

There is a pregnant pause before the guy speaks again.

“I am Nakahara Chuuya.”

Fuck.

Dazai may not be the most informed person in the city—university is difficult and he doesn’t have much time to watch the news, okay?—but even he knows that name. Everyone in Yokohama knows that name. As beautiful and family-friendly as Yokohama is, there still exists the criminal underbelly of the city, and its’ king was Nakahara Chuuya. Dazai had abducted the most influential mafia boss of the whole city. And that mafia boss is now pissed. 

Fuck it, I'm the mafia boss-Chuuya

Poor Dazai tired and panicking student-Dazai

“That’s—That’s my bad, I didn’t know what you looked like.” He probably would have just called an ambulance if he had known. “And I didn’t think that a mafia boss would be so short.” Why is his mouth always rambling without his permission?

His chest meets the wall before he can utter any more stupid exclamations. For someone more than a head smaller than him, Nakahara Chuuya can throw him around like a ragdoll. Which would be more marvelling and less terrifying if Dazai didn’t need to fear for his life. 

“I could just cut your throat, you fucking piece of shit,” Chuuya hisses into his ear. His knife is, again, positioned at his artery, and this time Dazai knows that the other man has no scruple to go in for the killing blow. 

“Please don’t kill me!” Dazai cries out, closing his eyes, even if all he can see is his living room wall. He can feel the old wallpaper under his fingers and while his arms are technically free to use, he doesn’t want to aggravate the mafia boss any more than he already had. His throat would be slit before he could even turn around, anyway.  

The movement ceased behind him. Like the boss of the mafia is contemplating whether to kill him or not. It is an extraordinary depressing thought that the last thing for him to see would be his white living room wall. 

As Dazai can feel more blood well up at his throat, the tense silence is broken by the shrill sound of his ringtone. He recognizes it as his best friend’s ringtone.

 Thanks, Odasaku.

 “He will know something’s up when I don’t answer,” Dazai lies with the most conviction he can muster. Odasaku would probably just think that he was busy or on his way to bring his mysterious guest to the hospital. Not that he was being held at knifepoint by one of the most notorious criminals in the city. “And he saw your face when he was here, he just has to tell the police what you look like and they will know it was you.” Another lie but counting on the fact that Nakahara truly didn’t notice anything when he was unconscious, he couldn’t know that Dazai was the only one with his description. 

Dazai always had a silver tongue, so he puts a condescending smile on his face and talks his way out of death.

The same son of a bitch-Chuuya

“Two witnesses that you were in my flat, plus the evidence from the car accident. It would be a shame if the murder of a broke university student would be your downfall.”

He is turned around roughly, so he faces Chuuya head-on. Well, almost head-on, he’s a little too tall for that. 

“I have never been convicted, as long as I was in the mafia,” Chuuya growls, “so a little more blood on my hands won’t make much of a difference.”

Dazai wants to scream. Shout as loud as he can so the neighbours hear him and call the police or knock on his door. But he keeps his calm demeanour, tilting his head to the side.

“Then do it.” 

He waits for the moment of hesitation. The second in which the mafia boss contemplates whether he is telling the truth. Chuuya’s knife moves a fraction away from his throat and that is when he strikes. 

He doesn’t have a lot of room with the wall at his back and Nakahara right in front of him, but that doesn’t matter. He jerks his knee up with all the force he can muster, hitting the mafia boss right between his legs. 

He only hears a pained cry before he bolts out of the door, not even waiting to see Nakahara crumple to the floor. He takes two steps at a time to get outside the house, too afraid that none of his neighbours would open their door. He runs down his street, not looking where he is headed, the important thing is that he gets away. That behaviour has the unfortunate consequence that Dazai doesn’t take long to be completely lost in his own city. 

"What a good plan, hit a mafia boss and run until you get lost," Ranpo said sarcastically.

Stupid decisions that panicked and sleepy people make - Dazai shrugs

He stops for a minute next to an old and shabby building, catching his breath. He is in a part of town he never really went through. The buildings look run-down, no people on the street or in the windows, only broken glass. There are a few cars standing around, so he supposes that some people exist in this part of town. But Dazai doesn’t frequent it. 

Nobody really frequents it. 

“What a fucking day,” Dazai mutters when he has his breathing under control again. The last time he ran that fast and that long must have been sometime in high school when a rugby guy was chasing him for stealing his girlfriend. He hadn’t really, it was all a big misunderstanding, but that hadn’t stopped the guy from wanting to break bones. 

That sounds interesting-Chuuya

Dazai has to admit to himself after a few minutes that he doesn’t know where he is or how to get back to his apartment. To be fair, he shouldn’t be there right now with a dangerous criminal probably still using his couch, but it would still be convenient to know how to get back eventually. He tries to get back the way he came from, but every alley and every house has the same grey, run-down look to it, so he may as well be walking in circles. Maybe he is. Still, he starts walking in what he assumes is the right direction, trying to memorize if the house next to him was the one he passed ten minutes ago.

“I didn’t even call in sick,” Dazai whines as his adrenaline finally recedes and makes way for unnecessary cognitive processes. It is true that he hadn’t informed the people of his less favourable job that he had more important things to do than folding disarrayed clothes or getting screamed at by angry middle-aged people, but that would soon be the least of his problems. What Dazai is not aware of is that he is currently standing in the territory of one of the most notorious gangs in Yokohama. Maybe he should be concerned by the obvious lack of people or the suspicious silence all over the area. There is not a single bird, not a single dog slumping around in the alleys. Not even rats are comfortable enough for this area.

Not a soul wants to be in that area-Akutagawa

Well, that isn’t completely true. 

“Are you lost?” 

Dazai turns to see where the voice had come from and sees multiple men standing behind him. How they had sneaked up on him without being noticed is beyond him. 

“Uh—Yeah, a little bit,” Dazai admits uneasily, “I kind of—just ran in here and now…well, I’m not quite sure how to get home.” 

He thinks about smiling at these people but chooses against it. He has a feeling that a mask of seriousness would get him much farther. Dazai scrutinizes the group of men discretely. The most memorable one was a guy with deep purple eyes and a white hat. He seems to be the leader of…whatever this group was. 

Oh it's Fyodor-Dazai

Chuuya growls from behind

“Seems like you are quite far away from home,” says the man with purple eyes. He has a Russian accent, but it is obvious that he speaks Japanese fluently. 

“You don’t even know where I live,” Dazai points out after a few seconds.

“It’s far from every home.”

Dazai can’t ignore how the men move closer to him; surrounding him. He tries to feel for the phone in his back pocket without them noticing. He had been an idiot for forgetting that he has it with him. Google maps would have spared him a lot of troubles. 

“I apologize if I intruded into your…home, I will be sure to take my leave.”

Maybe they would just let him go if they realized that it truly was an accident. He would go home, check for pissed off criminals and go to bed. And then sleep for twelve hours. 

“No need to hurry, you’re already here,” says a bulky man, standing next to the leader. He looks at least one head taller than Dazai and far more muscular. He knew it had been a bad idea to skip the gym for so many years. 

“Ah—Really, I can just leave that won’t be a problem, I will find my way back,” Dazai chuckles nervously, taking some steps back. That doesn’t stop the group from drawing nearer. Dazai hadn’t noticed before, but there are now two dozen people closing in on him. There is not a big chance that he could outrun all of them. Calling the police is also problematic.

“Don’t you know who we are?” the purple-eyed man asks. Dazai begins to hate that question more and more. “We are the Rats.”

How?

How could he antagonize both the most notorious mafia boss in the city and one of the most dangerous gangs of Yokohama in just one day? That means that he was most likely currently talking to Fyodor Dostoevsky, the leader of the gang. All hopes of escaping with his limbs intact vanish at that moment. 

Yes, he is lucky-Fukuzawa

“Meow.” 

Dazai turns, only to see red. Chuuya Nakahara’s hair is still as fiery as ever and he can’t believe how this is his life right now. 

“Nakahara-san,” Fyodor says, sounding less than pleased. His men have stopped coming nearer—much to Dazai’s relief—but he doesn’t know if this situation is any better. Maybe they would attack each other so he could flee?

“That one’s mine,” Chuuya says, pointing at Dazai. Ah, so no such luck. 

Like yours? - Dazai

Mine-Chuuya looks at him with greedy eyes.

Back dog-Dazai throws water at him to calm him down

Dazai doesn’t know how Chuuya has followed him all this time, but the thought is still concerning. He thinks about his options. He could try to run, but that seems like the desperate attempt of a madman. He wishes that somebody could tell him who of these people is more dangerous. 

“Oh? He doesn’t seem like one of your men,” Dostoevsky smiles, keeping his eyes on Chuuya.

“He isn’t mafia, but I owe him one,” Chuuya answers. He is already moving towards Dazai, purposeful and with no room for discussion. The Russians, apparently, don’t realize that.

“He ran into our territory, whatever happens to him is our decision,” comes from the bulky man at the front.

Nakahara Chuuya may be a man of small stature but Dazai realizes that he would never challenge him to a fight. He reminds him of a viper, his whole body tense, ready to attack viciously in just a few moments. Yes, a viper seems to be a good comparison. 

Dazai doesn’t see when the attack starts. He just knows that the bulky Russian is unharmed in one moment and in the next he clutches his broken nose, slowly crumbling to the ground.

“You fucking bitch!” That is, apparently the wrong thing to say, because he gets a powerful kick in the head a moment later. 

Dazai jerks back from the angry mafioso, fully realizing at that moment that he could have easily been killed or at least fatally harmed in his apartment. He also wonders how he ever got the chance to kick the man between the legs but finds it best not to voice those thoughts out loud. He actually wants to see the next day, preferably without irreparable damage done to his body. 

“Listen,” Chuuya says to the Russians and suddenly Dazai can imagine him command battalions. “I will take this man with me now and if anyone of you is stupid enough to follow me, broken bones will be the least of your fucking problems.”

Is it too late to politely decline so he doesn’t have to be alone with an angry—possible—murderer who he ran over not four hours ago? It doesn’t seem like it, because before he knows what’s happening Dazai gets dragged by the arm to the direction where he thinks he came from. The grasp Chuuya has on his arm is rough but he doesn’t dare to say anything. That man probably has more than one knife hidden under his clothes.

The mafioso doesn’t say anything until they arrive at the main street, busy with cars and pedestrians, coming to a stop in front of a red motorcycle.

“I’m taking you back so we can have a talk,” Chuuya says, taking a helmet from the bike before giving the other to Dazai.

There had to be some god-like deity that really enjoyed getting Dazai in life-threatening situations. Driving on Chuuya Nakahara’s motorcycle sounds like exactly the thing not to do if you want to stay alive long enough to see yourself graduating from university.

How many bad decisions in the same day-Q

“That wasn’t a question.” Of course, it wasn’t.

Dazai takes a deep, calming breath before he puts on the helmet. It is also red; he has the feeling that everything concerning the mafia boss has to mirror his intensity. He never had the chance to ride a motorcycle before, so he doesn’t quite know where to put his arms and legs as he sits down behind the mafioso.

“You have to hold on or you’ll fall off,” Chuuya says and looks behind him at Dazai. That is true, but Dazai doesn’t particularly want to be on this motorcycle, so maybe he should just fall off when they aren’t at top-speed, yet.

“You’re useless,” Chuuya mutters as he takes Dazai’s arms and guides them around his middle, so he can cling to the mafia boss while driving.

Dazai doesn’t get the chance to protest this, they are already driving—speeding is probably a better word—through the streets of Yokohama. Dazai strengthens his grip around the mafioso’s stomach, holding his head against his back. It is a strange and scary feeling, like a rollercoaster without the safety measures, but he enjoys it. Enjoys the feeling of the wind against his body, how the motorcycle tilts in the turns, the feeling of the leather jacket under his fingers.

It doesn’t take long until they are at Dazai’s apartment building again. He is relieved to see that the mafioso didn’t bring him to his hidden, evil lair or the place of his murder. Well, he could still get murdered in his own home.

Chuuya doesn’t say anything before he leaves the bike outside to walk into Dazai’s apartment building. Dazai takes a few seconds longer before he realizes he should probably follow the man inside. Maybe he should call the police. He doesn’t, in the end, and just searches for the keys in his jacket. He comes to a stop next to the redhead in front of his door and still has no keys. Which is most likely because they are still inside.

He closed his eyes for a moment, ignoring the gaze of the mafioso next to him. This day is an absolute shitshow.

“Give me a second,” he says and takes a bobby pin out of his pocket. There have been instances in his life where an open door would have been helpful, so he acquired some not too legal skills to help with such matters.

It's a really useful skill-Dazai

Like when you lose your keys in the river and force the lock-Chuuya

Yes-Dazai

Chuuya makes a surprised sound next to him. The door swings open and Dazai realizes that he still has the mafia boss right next to him. Should he just close the door in his face? Maybe not a good idea. He ends up simply walking into the flat, seeing what the other would do.

“So, uhm…why—why are you still here, exactly?” he doesn’t mean to sound so unsure, but this was truly the first time he had a criminal in his flat. Or someone who he had ran over.

“I don’t appreciate being in anyone’s debt,” Chuuya says, “especially not in the one of a stupid university student.” He says it with a sneer as if the thought of a guy in his early twenties going to university is the most pathetic thing he can think of.

“I’m not stupid, my GPA is the highest in my department, okay?”

Obviously, that intelligence doesn’t extend to common sense.

It doesn't seem like no-Ranpo

The mafioso looks at him with a sharp gaze, and Dazai feels himself wilt under it. Nakahara is far too intimidating for a man his size. He really doesn’t belong in Dazai’s apartment, the most threatening person to ever set foot in it was probably Dazai’s friend Yosano when she was angry that he forgot they were supposed to meet somewhere.  

Oh we are friends in that world-Yosano

“I’m sorry! I just—I don’t often have…criminals in my flat.”

Chuuya sighs, like this conversation and this whole day, is the biggest inconvenience he has ever encountered in his life.

“Listen, Mr GPA, I brought you home so you wouldn’t get jumped by Fyodor and his men again, but if you don’t stop being annoying, they will be the least of your problems.”

Dazai nods vehemently, trying to suppress the instinct to salute. This is absolutely the weirdest day Dazai has ever had, and he saw a lot of crazy shit at his university.

“I will leave now,” Chuuya says after taking a long—judgemental—look around his crappy apartment. It was cheap, okay?

“If you have lied about anything today,” Chuuya hisses at him, “about the accident or who you are or why you brought me here, I will be back and I will be less nice then, understood?”

“Yes.” Why should he lie about accidentally running someone over and then panicking?

Nakahara Chuuya is out of the door before anything else comes out of his mouth, maybe that’s for the better. Dazai sighs and lets himself fall on the couch, burying his face in the cushions. He is tired and has probably lost one of his jobs because he never actually showed up, so rent will be a problem this month. He has an avalanche of things to do, assignments for university, washing his clothes, cooking, calling his job to beg for forgiveness. But it was a crazy day, and there was nothing more on his mind than the exhaustion in his bones.

Well, except…

“Odasaku,” Dazai whines after he dialled his best friend’s number, “you won’t believe what happened to me today.”

…

Dazai is definitely being followed, he is sure of that. It has been almost three weeks since “The Incident” and he really thought that everything would turn out fine—or at least not worse than it had been before. But over the course of the last few days, Dazai noticed more and more instances where people seemed to follow him on his way to and from university, spying on him on his job or coincidentally sitting in the same café when he is meeting his friends. He is pretty sure than he isn’t going crazy, but one can never be sure. So he plans to test his theory to see if there is someone following him everywhere.

His brilliant plan? Confusing his stalker.

Instead of going home after university—like he usually would—he takes the weirdest detours he can think of. He goes to six different bakeries, takes three different buses—he didn’t know where they were headed—and takes so many random turns and hidden alleys that there can be no doubt if the presence is still there at the end of this, he has a stalker.

Dazai is lucky that he knows Yokohama this well, any lesser being would have been lost after half an hour. He takes a deliberate turn into a dead-end, readying himself for finally meeting whoever has such an interest in his life that they followed him even here.

The man who steps into the alley is nothing Dazai had expected. He isn’t quite sure what he had expected, but it certainly wasn’t a middle-aged man with grey hair and a monocle. The man seems to be surprised for a split second but recovers fast. His face is a mask of neutrality, hands behind his back and eyes on Dazai. He hadn’t actually thought about what to do when he found out who his stalker was. He is suddenly very glad that he didn’t turn out to be a threatening rugby player with a gun. It was just a slightly old man. Perhaps with a gun.

“Uhm—Uh…Who are you and why are you following me?” Dazai asks with what he hopes is an authoritarian voice. It only falls slightly flat.

“My boss sent me to keep an eye on you,” the man answers, seemingly unperturbed that he has been found out.

“I—Who exactly is your boss and what do they want from me?”

The man’s head tilts slightly. “I work for Nakahara Chuuya,” he says, “he wanted to see if you were truly a university student or…something else more dangerous.”

Dazai blinks several times. He hadn’t expected to hear the mafia bosses’ name again.

“Are you allowed to tell me this?”

The man smiles a little. “I think it was established in the last weeks that you do not present a threat to the mafia or its’ boss.”

Dazai wants to be offended by that statement, but the man isn’t wrong. Dazai had only ever been in one bar brawl and that had ended badly for him. So no, he probably couldn’t threaten one of the most dangerous men in the city.    

“Then…why are you still following me?”

“Well,” the man sighs, “apparently Nakahara-san worried that the Rats might follow you again or find out where you live. It was mostly a precaution.”

Dazai takes a few seconds this information. He doesn’t know what kind of impression he made on the mafia boss that he suddenly decided to give him a…guard? Stalker? Bodyguard? So he doesn’t really know how to react. Should he be outraged by this invasion of privacy? Probably. But right now, he is far too confused how his life took such a direction that he just nods and keeps standing in the small alley. 

“Let me just call Nakahara-san, so he knows that you were informed about the situation,” the man says and takes a few steps to the opening of the alley while getting his phone out of his coat. Dazai could have sworn that he saw a gun at the man’s belt. Which doesn’t make him nervous, absolutely not. 

Dazai ignores the weird phrasing of “being informed of the situation”, when the cat only came out of the bag because he had the guts—and stupidity—to lure his stalker into a trap. He contemplates calling Odasaku on his phone, just to tell him what is happening and who would be responsible if he suddenly went missing. A little like telling a friend where you are going while having a one-night-stand with a stranger. But before he has the chance to even get his phone out, he feels the presence of the man right next to him. He flinches a little but covers his nervousness quickly.

“So? What did he say?” Dazai asks.

“That he wants me to bring you to the headquarters. It’s a short way, I can call a driver that will bring us right now, or do you need to go somewhere?”

Dazai wants to say yes. He wants to say that his schedule is so full that he won’t have time to meet with the mafia boss in the next ten years, but the man would most likely notice if he lied. Not only that, but he would keep following him and seeing that he actually has nowhere to be and is just lying because he doesn’t want to be killed and buried in a ditch.

Okay-Hirotsu

“Ah—Uhm, I really…it’s really important that I go—”

“Unfortunately, I must insist.”

Well, there goes nothing.

Dazai waits anxiously as the mafia member calls for a car. His fingers are continuously drumming against his right thigh, twitching with every second he has to stand in the half-lit alley. He should have never driven that car and he should definitely not have taken that stupid, attractive, unconscious man home, because now he has to deal with the mafia. What a fucking mess.

Oh you told me attractive - Chuuya hangs on Dazai

"I also said stupid," Dazai responds as he pokes his cheek.

“Shall we?”

The man is looking expectantly at Dazai, who only nods and follows him. Dazai still doesn’t know if he should just call the police and leave the country, avoiding whatever is coming in the next few hours.

Probably-Everyone

But really, what is the worst that could happen?

…

Not even forty minutes later, Dazai stands in a spacious, expensive-looking office at the top of one of the tallest high-rises in Yokohama. He stands opposite a pompous desk made of dark wood, seemingly made to intimidate the people coming into the room. It was working, Dazai wanted to leave the dark-coloured office. Chuuya Nakahara has not said a word since he came into the room. Just staring at him from his place behind the desk, seemingly assessing what his subordinate had brought to him. Dazai does his best not to fidget under the gaze. Even though he might be slightly worried about the mafia boss, he would rather die than show it. Well, maybe not die, but he wants to seem like this isn’t the weirdest situation of his life.

“Listen,” Chuuya sighs, he sounds incredibly tired, “this is all just because you took me with you after you ran me over.” He says it so nonchalantly like he gets run over a few times a month. “People…important people saw you take me with you and…had a false impression.”

"How many times do they run over you?" Dazai asks, surprised.

No idea-Chuuya

Dazai tilts his head. He isn’t sure what kind of impression one would have had of him while he heaved an unconscious man into his car while he almost started crying because of his panic.

“What do these people think I wanted with you?”

Chuuya massages his temples.

“I had to give you security because a lot of dangerous people in Yokohama think that you are talented enough to kidnap the boss of the mafia.”

Well, fuck.

“But—but you were unconscious! Everybody could have taken you with them.”

“Apparently,” Chuuya says in a calm but annoyed voice, “they only saw me in your car. And then, of course, how you got me into your house. So…there are several gangs in this city that want to eliminate you because you seem like a threat to them.”

Dazai stops for a second to look at Chuuya. The mafia boss has his hands folded in front of him, not tense but not exactly relaxed either. There is a deep frown between his eyebrows, his lips set in a straight line.

“You could have just let them get me and be done with it,” Dazai says warily. He is waiting for the second shoe to drop, the big reveal that he had to sell his soul to Satan to get out of this misery.

“Yes, well, you didn’t kill me when you could have, and it seems unfair. You are—a civilian. And those shouldn’t get caught in the crossfire.”

Dazai can’t believe his luck that out of all the criminals in Japan, he got the one with a compassion for people and their wellbeing. That doesn’t exactly change the fact that there are people after him because they think he is some brilliant, evil mastermind.

“So…what exactly is the plan now?”

“This is partly my fault,” Chuuya says, “so I will take responsibility. Hirotsu will accompany you when you go somewhere, both as a warning and as protection. Of course, you can always join the mafia.” He says the last part with a slight smile as if the idea of Dazai in his organization deeply amuses him.

“Thanks, but no thanks, I don’t really want to join any cults or gangs,” Dazai declines with a nervous smile. “Do you think a bodyguard is necessary?”

“Yes,” Chuuya says simply. How calming.

“If I agree to this…will I have to pay you back one day?”

Chuuya leans back into his chair, making it groan slightly. He looks like a man who should be doing more important things than negotiating with a broke university student. Even though they were probably not more than five years apart in age.

True, Chuuya could have killed me and that's it, but no, it had to be good-Dazai

“I promise you, there will be no downsides and no small print. Hirotsu will take you home now. I don’t suppose we will see each other again soon; I will tell you when the situation calmed down a little. Until then, Hirotsu is your personal bodyguard.”

It sounds so simple that Dazai wants to stop for a moment and assess the situation. But before he has the chance, he is whisked away by generic-looking mafia goons and sat into a sleek back car, Hirotsu—who is apparently the same old man he met before—already in the driver’s seat.

“Do you wish to stop anywhere before I take you home, Dazai-san?”

Dazai blinks slowly. He suddenly feels incredibly tired and ready to curl up on his sofa to watch some crime show or get drunk with Odasaku.

“No, please just take me home,” he says, “and only Dazai is fine.”

The drive is silent after that. Dazai is looking out of the window, trying to understand how he got into this mess and how to get out of it unscathed. He hadn’t noticed anyone else following him, but that could be because they were more subtle than Hirotsu. Of course, Nakahara could also be lying, only telling him this to keep an eye on him for…whatever purposes. He doubts that he can just go to the police and explain the situation. There isn’t even a real crime happening, so what would he say? ‘Well, you see officer, I committed a hit and run some weeks ago and now I have to deal with the consequences.’

Hahahahaha the police will love it hahahahaha-Ranpo

“Dazai?”

“Mh?”

“We are here,” Hirotsu points out. Indeed, there are already at his apartment building, the sky a dark blue.

“I will accompany you tomorrow morning to your university. Would you want me to drive you?”

“Oh, no, that’s alright I can just take my own car,” Dazai says, not wanting to use the mafia’s services more than necessary. “Do you want some tea?” he asks the older man.

“Excuse me?”

“Well,” Dazai says embarrassed, “it’s probably boring to just watch my building or whatever you do, so…”

The mafia member seems genuinely surprised by the offer.

“I—Yes, tea would be nice.”

Dazai just nods and makes his way to his apartment, Hirotsu right behind him. He isn’t normally ashamed of how he lives—most of his friends are also in university, they are only a little less broke as he is—but Hirotsu seems like someone who is used to more expensive living arrangements, so he blushes a little. The mafia member says nothing. He takes a seat on Dazai’s couch and waits for the tea to brew.

“Ah, here, it’s camomile, I hope that’s alright…careful, it’s hot!” Dazai knows that he sounds nervous but, in his defence, a man with a gun at his belt is currently drinking camomile tea on his couch.

“Thank you for the tea, it’s very good.”

Dazai doubts that, but he appreciates the sentiment, nonetheless. He takes his own cup, also camomile, and sits down next to his new bodyguard. He doesn’t know what kind of small talk one should have in a situation like this, so he stays silent. Hirotsu doesn’t seem to mind the silence, he just sips at his tea, looking around the room at the various books, half-broken electronics and cracked walls.

“Have you lived here long?” Hirotsu asks. It’s a polite jab at the state of his living space, but it still makes Dazai uncomfortable.

“Ah, well, since I started university here. So…almost two and a half years ago. I was new in the city and, well…Yokohama’s rent princes are not very student-friendly.” That was saying it generously. Rent prices are so high that most students take on hour-long drives instead of living directly in Yokohama. Dazai is one of the lucky ones to get a flat in the city, regardless of how run-down the apartment or his equipment is.  

“There is no decoration,” Hirotsu points out. As if that was what he had meant, all along.

Dazai thinks that they are really not close enough to talk about why there is not a single photo of his family in his flat. He has one with Odasaku and Ango, and one with a few friends from university. But no family. No parents. He never felt like making the space “his own” as Yosano always calls it. He wouldn’t know what to use as decoration.

Odasaku, Ango and I are friends in that world and we don't separate? -Dazai

Exactly-Me

“I guess I’m not a big fan of knick-knacks.”

Hirotsu simply nods, as if he could understand why a guy in his early twenties lives in a flat with bare, white walls and an empty sideboard.

…

“There must have been a mistake,” Dazai says for the umpteenth time into his phone. His landlord is on the other side, trying to tell him that his rent for the month is already covered, which is impossible because Dazai got paid yesterday, he had no means to pay before that. He should be happy, really. After losing one of his jobs it would be helpful to save that money, but he’s worried that his landlord will notice after a few days or weeks that he made a mistake and demands a double pay. Dazai cannot afford to pay two rents in a month. So now he is arguing with a middle-aged man, who apparently has enough ethics to not just take two rents without pointing out his mistake, about forgetfulness and stupidity.

“Yes, I know, but could you just—Hello? Hello? Oh, come on.” The man had hung up, leaving Dazai standing in the middle of his apartment, without a clue how something like this could happen.

He pinches his nose between his fingers, taking deep and steady breaths. It happened more and more in the last few days. Bills that he needs to settle already paid, groceries he doesn’t remember buying already in the fridge. It is disconcerting, to say the least. At first, he thought that the exam stress was getting to him in he was becoming more forgetful, but he definitely would remember if he had paid his rent.

Dazai had Odasaku on his list of possible perpetrators, but as kind as his best friend is, he is also broke. So now there is one name at the top of the list. Dazai calls a number that has been on his phone for the last weeks. It is meant to be convenient, but this is only the second time he has ever called Hirotsu.

“Dazai-san?”

“I already told you,” he sighed, “only Dazai is fine. Anyway, you don’t happen to know anything about my rent, do you?”

“What should I know about your rent?” The older man sounds genuine, but Dazai learned that that could be just a farce. The mafia member is a deceptively good liar.

“It’s already paid. And yes, I already talked to my landlord. None of my friends are rich enough to do that, so I was thinking…the mafia makes a lot of profit.”

There is silence at the other end of the phone, but Dazai is patient. He waits without saying anything more.

“Nakahara-san ordered me to make a transaction to your landlord for the sum of your rent,” Hirotsu finally answers, confirming what Dazai has dreaded all along.

“You also paid for other stuff, right? And the groceries.”

“There…may have been other instances.”

Dazai groans, he can already feel the beginning of a headache behind his eyes.

“Listen, old man,” says Dazai, starting to pace around the room, “I really don’t want any mafia money on my bank account, so would you be so kind and tell your boss to fuck off before this bites be in the ass?” He really doesn’t want any association with the mafia, it’s bad enough that people suspect him of being dangerous enough to kidnap Nakahara Chuuya. If it seems like he works for him—or gets money for other reasons—he has a feeling that things will get out of control.

“I cannot do that, Dazai-san. I could drive you to Nakahara-san’s office if you wish to speak with him.”

He most definitely does not want to speak with him, but he is also tired of mysterious things happening around him. So, well…sacrifices.

Keep the money and don't ask -Yosano, Ranpo and Me

“Fine, please bring me to his office. When can you be here?” Dazai sighs.

“I am in front of your apartment building, we can start whenever you wish.” Of course, he is. Hirotsu is way too efficient for someone who currently has the assignment to babysit a university student. But Dazai really can’t be mad, he never had a personal assistant in his life.

“I’ll be down in ten.”

 …

“I really can’t advise you to go into the conference room right now,” Hirotsu says a little desperately as he trails behind Dazai, who is determined to speak with the mafia boss regardless of what he is currently doing. At least that had been the plan before he comes to a halt in front of a dark mahogany door, men in dark suits standing watch. It looks all far more mafia-like, now that he isn’t directly summoned by Chuuya. He can’t remember all the people with guns from last time, as if the mafia boss had made his headquarter a little more accessible for outsiders.

“When do you think he’ll be done?” He sincerely hopes that he doesn’t have to wait here for the rest of the day.

“Half an hour, at most. He never concerns himself extensively with Osaka affairs.” Hirotsu seems calmer now that Dazai waits for the end of the meeting.

They both make their way to a little sitting area not far from the conference room. Dazai lets himself fall into a very plush-looking couch, sinking into the soft material. He hasn’t really thought about what to tell the mafia boss once he can see him. It isn’t that he doesn’t like the extra money, he just knows that it is a very bad idea to accept it. Like a fairy tale, where a creepy old lady offers you something poisoned to eat.

“Can I do anything else for you, Dazai-san?” Dazai had long given up on making the old man drop the honorifics. It still feels weird to him that a man so much older than him addressed him like that.

“No, I’m fine,” he says. He knows that he looks like a sulking teenager—and sounds like one—but he can’t bring himself to care right now. He never claimed that he couldn’t be a brat if he wanted to. So he just sits on the couch, waiting for an obnoxious, noble criminal to be done with whatever criminals do to get money.

The typical thing, I do it every Monday-Atsushi

Dazai tries his best to keep his eyes open, but the couch is illegally comfortable, and stress is one hell of a sleeping drug. So when he closes his eyes for one second he doesn’t notice Chuuya coming up to him and standing next to the sofa. He does, eventually.

“I didn’t sleep,” is the first thing he says as he jumps up and turns to Chuuya. It has the same effect as ‘it isn’t what it looks like’ often has.

Hirotsu and Chuuya both looked amused but don’t point out the lie. Suddenly Dazai feels horribly underdressed in his long-sleeved shirt, jeans and bandages, when Chuuya stands in front of him in a Bordeaux suit, Hirotsu next to him in his long coat. He hasn’t seen Hirotsu in anything less than formal attire.

“Let’s go to my office,” Chuuya smiles and starts walking without any other explanation. Dazai is too dazed to do anything else than follow. He tries very hard not to stare at Chuuya’s ass as he walks behind him, but he has a very nice ass and the suit looks tailored, so it is made to highlight his best features.

He definitely has a nice butt-Dazai

“Sit down,” Chuuya says as they arrive at his desk. Hirotsu politely waited outside, so now its’s just the two of them and the uncomfortable truth. Dazai sits and thinks about being polite and tactful but discards the thought almost immediately.

“Why did you pay for my rent and groceries?”

 Chuuya blinks several times. He looks deceptively innocent for someone who bashes people’s skulls in.

“Well, I have seen your flat.”

That is unnecessarily mean, even if Dazai understands that his flat looks a little more rustic than the general public prefers.

“I—That’s not—That’s mafia money! I don’t want to be associated with mafia money,” he grits out, itching to jump out of his chair. Chuuya still looks infuriatingly unimpressed.

“How do you even know my bank account? Or my landlord? How did you even get into my house to deliver the groceries?”

“I have people for that,” Chuuya sighs, “the mafia has enough influence to threaten political figures with what we know, I knew your bank account on the same day we met.”

Dazai knows in the back of his brain that he should feel uneasy with how much the man opposite him can find out within a single day, but right now, he’s just annoyed.

“It would be great if you could just…not do that.” He closes his eyes for a moment, taking all the new information in.

“I was under the impression that you could use a little help in that area; if that isn’t the case, I can stop with the deliveries and extra money.”

Dazai can’t believe how easy this is. He expected a fight, or at least a rant about how ungrateful he’s being, not a simple acceptance.

“Of course, that means that next month’s rent will again be paid with your own money,” Chuuya smiles at him, “together with the semester fees, your bi-yearly car-insurance and, of course, the hospital bill from months ago that you still haven’t paid.”

Dazai’s breath catches in his throat as he listens to all the bills that are due next month. He had forgotten most of them. Of course, he knows that he has to pay rent and he had the semester fees in the back of his mind, but everything else he had banned from his brain. Even with the money from the rent that was paid for him this month, there is no way he could afford all of those bills. He put the hospital bill off for too long to get an extension now, he would be expelled if he didn’t pay the university fees. His first thought is to jump off the nearest bridge, drowning in the water beneath it. But then he thinks about Odasaku and Ango and Yosano and everyone else he kind of wants to keep meeting and talking to.

Suicide-Dazai

Dazai no-Chuuya and Yosano

He looks up to the mafia boss in front of him and hates just how smug the other looks.

“Was that your plan all along?”

“Maybe,” Chuuya says, “but really, I haven’t done much, I just gave you an option.”

“Well then,” Dazai takes a deep breath, “what do you want me to do?”

Chuuya starts chuckling as if Dazai just made a particularly dumb joke.

“You sound like I want you to be my next personal assassin, it’s nothing bad,” he smiles at him, warm and open and threatening. “I want you to go on a few dates with me, sometimes maybe on bigger events, nothing more. You come with me for a few hours and your bills get paid.”

Dazai’s alarm bells start ringing in full force, blearing like sirens in his head.

“I’m not—You are—You want me to be your sugar baby?”

Chuuya shrugs as if he didn’t just make a proposal to solve all of Dazai’s monetary problems by having him stand next to him on fancy parties.

Fuck I like it-Dazai

I want a sugar mommy to give me money just to make me happy without sex-Me

Do you want me to steal money from Chuuya and send it to you? - Dazai

Yes-Me

“What can I say, you are pretty, and I like your guts.”

He tries to decipher what that means before he remembers that he kicked the other in the balls weeks before and hopes that that is not what Chuuya means.

“Of course, this agreement could become sexual, but it’s your choice, so again, just dates if that is what you want.”

Dazai raises an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“What’s the catch?”

“Well,” Chuuya tilts his head, “I will not pay all of your bills if it’s just the dates, but the hospital one and the university fees will be taken care of.” So the two largest ones wouldn’t be Dazai’s problem anymore.

Before Dazai yells out his answer and signs every contract someone puts in front of him, he pauses. This is still mafia money. From a man he almost knows nothing about, except his name and maybe his taste in suits. He thinks about saying no. Walking out of this room and hoping to never see anyone from the mafia ever again. But that would mean going back to how it was. Going back to two jobs, maybe three, trying to get by while having mountains of debt looming near him. It would mean crying at the kitchen table at two in the morning because if he doesn’t do well in his exams he will never get a good job, and without a job, he will pay off debt until he is fifty and already missed the time where he should be young and carefree in his life. God, how he misses going out with his friends without having to save up for it for weeks. He misses being able to get birthday presents for his friends, he misses buying coffee at the little shop near campus, he misses buying books just for the sake of it, instead of waiting and waiting and waiting until he has a little money to spare.

How depressing is your life-Akutagawa

Always-Dazai

He looks at Nakahara Chuuya, the long red hair, the blue eyes, the smile. He could live with that. So he puts on his most confident smile and relaxes his muscles.

“Well, if I’m only yours,” he tries desperately not to sound nervous or unsure, “I could live with a little extra work.”

“Then that’s settled,” Chuuya grins and gets up from his chair. Dazai does the same, feeling how wobbly his legs are, like his blood sugar dropped ten stories. Chuuya extends his hand, waiting for Dazai to shake it. He does, eventually, and hopes that the other can’t feel how his fingers are trembling. Chuuya leans over the desk, pressing a short kiss on his cheek, barely more than a touch of his lips. But Dazai isn’t fooled, he has a wolf in front of him, and he desperately hopes that he isn’t a lamb. 

This was so much fun-Atsushi

Chapter Text

We are incredible-Everyone

See you good-Soukoku

Dazai redhead-Atsushi

And Chuuya blond-Akutagawa

Dazai seems calmer - Kunikida

And Chuuya wilder-Higuchi

They look happy-Fukuzawa

Dazai smiles slightly.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYBQqMD/

Same gay vibes-Ranpo

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYBDpLk/

Great they are both traumatized-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYSL8oB/

How did the tables turn and now you're the calm one? -Chuuya

No idea-Dazai

Wow-Atsushi

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYBTw4H/

Traumated side and stupid side just like ours-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYBWoNN/

Awwwww-Everyone

They do get along well-Akutagawa

Not like these ones who get along like cats and dogs-Hirotsu

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYS2vrq/

Damn, they love each other too - Dazai pouts at someone who misses his parents

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYSLhpw/

That was nice-Atsushi

His laughter seemed sincere - Akutagawa

They have a nice friendship-Hirotsu

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYB3Pf2/

Akutagawa being mean to Dazai and Chuuya protecting him-Me

👁️👄👁️-Everyone

Wow-Dazai

https://www.tiktok.com/@bsd_edits_0/video/7090592728269982981?_r=1&u_code=d5814j8j3hga0j&preview_pb=0&language=es&_d=e5b10gf5ee73ge&share_item_id=7090592728269982981&source=h5_m&timestamp=1675462582&user_id=6669718454503620614&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAPsmBAMLMGd_xnsMSCgYb1S9x0bfMdId6_ctdlAr7d5dkTOFFu64nyHSl8FMBO769&utm_source=copy&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=android&share_iid=7190049643928192774&share_link_id=5eb9ffc7-5db0-4a85-972b-c768e6da8f75&share_app_id=1233&ugbiz_name=Main&ug_btm=b6880%2Cb2878

Having chibis is the best thing in the world🖐️-Dazai

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYYSkMa5/

We seem like good friends-Chuuya

Dazai smiled as he imagined the four of them in the lupine bar

Chapter Text

(The one with brown hair is Dazai and the one with blue is Chuuya)

Why are you crying? -Atsushi

Because falling in love is bad for him, everything he loves he ends up losing - Me

Oh-Akutagawa

Chuuya grabbed Dazai's hand and helped him get on the ground.

"You won't lose me darling," Chuuya whispered and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Dazai rested his head on Chuuya's shoulder.

The afraid they gave me-Dazai

Hahahaha they ended up driving him crazy that day-Ranpo

So that was why Dazai fainted in the office at the end of the day-Yosano

When have I been a saint? - Dazai

Always-Chuuya

Dazai blinked and looked at Chuuya.

You took in the Akutagawa brothers, you gave them jobs...-Chuuya

It wasn't a good job-Dazai

House, food, love, you took care of them like your children and turned them into great children who can take care of themselves.
You prevented Mori from irreversibly traumatizing Q and you put Izumi in Kouyou's care, so Akutagawa did traumatize her a little but not as much as Mori traumatized you-Chuuya

You brought the four of them to dinner on Sundays at our house Mackerel-Chuuya

Because they were not well fed-Dazai

Look who says it, I had to force food into your mouth asshole, you would have died of hunger if I hadn't forced you to eat-Chuuya

Chuuya took a breath to calm down.

What I mean is that you treated them better than anyone else in the Mafia would have treated them if they were under their care-Chuuya

That's why we love mom more than dad-Akutagawa, Gin, Izumi

"I would feel offended but I love him more than you" Chuuya shrugged his shoulders.

You are very good big brother-Q looked at him smiling into his eyes.

Dazai approached Q and gave him a big big brother hug.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY28PuA4

I offer you Chuuya-Akutagawa

You are a great negotiator Akutagawa-Dazai

I am not an exchangeable good-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY2LrLJG/

How handsome we look-Soukoku

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY2r33nM/

Why can't you follow the plan?! -Dazai

Because it was easier to hit - Akutagawa, Atsushi and Chuuya

Dazai rolled up his sleeves. "I'm hitting you with the frying pan."

😰😰😰-The three

(Child Dazai the girl in pink and Teenage Dazai the girl in black)

How did you go from wanting to live to wanting to die? -Chuuya

The mafia and mori do that to you-Dazai

Why did you get into the mafia-Atsushi

"I needed money." Dazai shrugged.

Pretty-Chuuya

Mom is beautiful-Akutagawa

Precious-Gin

No wonder girls ask him to fuck-Atsushi

Did you stop a person from committing suicide? -Kunikida

I don't know why you're so surprised, he wasn't a pretty lady to die with and as the good citizen I tried to be, preventing a suicide was what I should do-Dazai

Oh god so cute-Dazai falls back with his nose bleeding

"So pretty," Kouyou says, ignoring that Dazai has just died of adorableness for his son.

Very cute-Atsushi

Love? -Chuuya asks after Dazai did not respond for a few minutes.

Dazai gets up and starts to shower him with kisses all over his face - So fucking cute

Ranpo what the fuck-Yosano

What did it taste like? - Dazai

An old man who likes cats-Ranpo

Translation: "When to kill" "I wonder if I will"

We have a murderous streak hahaha-They both laugh like psychopaths

Translation: "Maybe you'll let me go in the end?" "Are you going to admit that you really don't want me to let you go?"

Yes, no, I will never let you go-Dazai grabbed Chuuya's hand and intertwined their hands.

Chuuya snorted but blushed furiously and lowered his head to hide it.

Chuuya is surprised-Hirotsu

Didn't expect that-Dazai

A nice image-Gin

They look good-Kouyou

They seem happy-Atsushi

Beautiful-Chuuya

🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐-Everyone

Damn, he was half my size that time-Chuuya

I looked incredible in heels-Dazai

Kouyou nodded in agreement.

Awwwwww-Everyone

Nice photo-Izumi

He looks tired-Atsushi

He is-Me

Translation:
And the angel became a demon because of all the damage they did to him. Just as they hurt him, he learned to defend himself, even though it wasn't the right way, it was the only way they allowed him.

...-All

Wow-Dazai

Translation:
KNOWING ME MEANS FINDING OUT WHICH OF MY SMILES IS REALLY THE TRUE ONE

That's very true-Dazai

Chuuya rested his head on Dazai's shoulder and smiled because he did know when Dazai smiled for real and not with a mask.

Translation:
If you jump I jump, if you smile I smile, if you cry....I will break the face of the one who made you cry.

I'm-Chuuya

Is he-All

Dazai kisses Chuuya in gratitude

Translation:
And suddenly, someone arrives, someone with a lot of light.

He doesn't care how dark it is, and he stays there, next to you, enduring everything.

Even your shitty character and the fact that you throw yourself into rivers 24/7-Dazai

Damn my bad taste in men-Chuuya

You're a piece of shit I can't run away from-Chuuya

Dazai raises his hand where he's wearing his engagement ring. "You're stuck with me until you die."

Translation:
STUPID AND SENSUAL LAZY!

STOP SEDUCING ME!!

Laziness seduces me every day😩✋🏻-Dazai

Lethargy to me😩✋🏻-Me

Translation:
"Silence is the best time to think about the best and exquisite ways of self-destruction."

Dazai laughs- That's why Chuuya is so worried when the house is silent.

The house is only silent when you try to kill yourself or when you are planning something that I am not going to like-Chuuya

I once went shopping and when I came back the living room was trashed and the whole house was upside down-Dazai

I couldn't find you anywhere and you didn't answer the phone okay? -Chuuya

You were hanging on me all day when I came back from the super-Dazai

Don't pretend you don't like me-Chuuya

Wow I didn't know you cared so much about me-Dazai

Damn shitty mackerel-Chuuya pulled him into a hug and hid his face in the taller man's neck.

Dazai turned his head to kiss his husband and put his arm around his waist, bringing him closer to him.

That's why you don't like pain? -Atsushi

No, the pain is painful-Dazai

😐-Everyone

😑-Chuuya

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMY6MYpVK/

We had that conversation when I left-Dazai

He didn't stay but he stayed with me-Chuuya

Dazai kisses him and whispers "I love you"

Chuuya whispers "an I to you"

Break up with him-Everyone

hahahahaha-Dazai

Chuuya just looks at him fondly, happy that Dazai is actually laughing.

Who is the girl? - Dazai

Someone you will meet in a future case-Me

It was a nice video-Everyone

Kunikida is fed up with everything-Yosano

We all know Dazai is gay because of Chuuya-Ranpo

(The one in blue is Dazai, the one in pink is Gin and the one in yellow is Mori)

I scared him so much that day that he put a lake of piranhas in his house-Dazai

Hahahahahaha I like it that way-Yosano

At least he made it-Atsushi

Chuuya smiled at his husband.

(Dazai and her older sister)

Shit, the attempt didn't work-Dazai

Besides, they later understood that every time I hugged them it was because I was going to try it soon, it sucked because they always stopped me-Dazai

"I'm glad they did it." Chuuya grabbed Dazai's hand and kissed his forehead.

Dazai just smiled in exasperation.

Oh my god 😰😰😰😭😭-The ADA

No no no no no no no-Chuuya kept repeating while he tightly grabbed Dazai's hand and lowered his head.

Dazai hugged him

"Honey, we've talked about this. I'm not going to leave unless you leave." Dazai kissed the head of his red-haired husband and hugged him tightly.

Chapter Text

They are going to see Aus by soukoku-Me

Yandere soukoku-Me

Chuuya with a bat and skirt 🛐🛐🛐🛐-Dazai

Dazai pastry chef or something like that-Me

Cute-Everyone

See you good-Soukoku

Dazai kitsune and normal Chuuya-Me

I love how they're both like what kind of bug is this-Ranpo

They both look good-Kouyou

They look very strange-Hirotsu

Their personalities are inverted-Me

The black bandages look good on you-Chuuya

There is no such style of bandages on the market-Dazai

Soukoku idols-Me

We look good-Dazai

Chuuya nodded his head

Mermaid Chuuya and Sailor Dazai-Yo

I look happy-Dazai

Looks like I'm going to eat you-Chuuya shrugs his shoulders.

Soukoku cat ears-Yo

Lindos-Kouyou

We look good-Dazai

Aesthetic-Chuuya

Soukoku Students-Me

Wow we have a normal life-Dazai

So that's going to school-Chuuya

Wow-Everyone

What happened there? - Dazai

You exchange roles, Chuuya is in the ADA and Dazai in Port Mafia-Yo

Oh-Dazai

Double suicide ✨👄✨-Dazai

Dazai not-All

They take away the fun from life-Dazai

Awwwwwww-Everyone

And now a story-Me

Chuuya tired and Dazai wanting cuddles-Me

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12943341 ⬅STORY URL

Chuuya yawns for the third time this evening, not like Dazai is counting or anything, but with the ginger using his lap as a pillow while going through some old reports, he can certainly feel the hot breath brushing against his clothed skin.

You should sleep more-Kouyou

It's distracting.

He really tried to get lost in the letters and meaning of the novel he is reading, but how could he with his lover squirming and yawning that much, obviously too tired to do whatever he does right now.

Dazai is so close to telling him the hated:"I told you so."

After all they both had a hard day of work and all Dazai wanted after coming home- yes in their home, it may be Dazai's flat but the ginger decided to move in with him, right now its only temporary, which means Chuuya may sleep at his and has some of his clothes and hygiene products here but still has his flats and the rest of the belongings at his.

It kinda is hard to move while having to keep their relationship hidden after all. But Dazai doesn't mind, in the contrary he is so happy with seeing his love everyday, falling asleep with him in his arms, waking up to a soft kiss, hah~

So all Dazai wanted after coming home was to cuddle, one may not believe it be that man is a cuddle whore, like Chuuya calls him, using every opportunity and excuse to be close to the other, not like Chuuya minds, he thinks of it as endearing, sometimes a bit annoying, but mostly endearing.

I'm-Dazai says while hugging Chuuya.

But the stubborn workaholic Chuuya is he had to refuse, to go over some reports he has to read till tomorrow.

You should work less-Akutagawa

Dazai sighs internally, its so like Chuuya to bring his work home with him. The little one never seems to get a break from working. Even though the exhaustion written in the way he moves shows that he needs one.

At least Dazai got him to lay down while reading.

Chuuya yawns a fourth time.

The cute sound makes the younger glance down at. The ginger keeps on working.

Rolling his eyes Dazai turns his attention back to the book in his hands, where he already is at.. side 3, wow.

The fifth yawn is the breaking point. Dazai snaps his book shut, which leads Chuuya to look up at him confused.

"We are going to sleep. Now." Dazai commands, not caring about the protests that stream out of Chuuya's mouth.

"I have to finish this, you are free to sleep." Chuuya sends him off, eyes already back on the records. Dazai whines, if there is one thing he can't stand then its his ginger brushing him off.

"Ne, ne, ne, Chuuya~ Learn to listen~ We are going to sleep. We~ Plural~ You and Me~ Get up, mon petite mafia. Get up~"

Chuuya frowns. "No."

That's all Dazai needs to smile that smile of a devil and tug the sheets out of Chuuya's hand to throw them somewhere on the ground.

Blue eyes widen. "You idiot!" Chuuya immediately curses and scrambles up.

Something Dazai uses to pick the smaller one up bridal style.

Out of fear of getting dropped (Yes, Dazai already did that once, Chuuya will never forget, Chuuya will never forgive) his arms automatically take their place around Dazai's neck, holding on for dear life.

Oops-Dazai smiles without regret

"You can't just do that!"

"I can and I did. Sucks to be small~" That earns the younger one a kick.

"I am not small!"

"Yeah yeah. Shut up and let me carry you to bed, princess." Dazai hums, making Chuuya blush a faint pink at the nickname.

"I am not even tired-!"

"Chuuya." Dazai interrupts him, his voice unusually serious, while his brown eyes look down at him with a threatening look to not lie to him.

Chuuya gets quiet fast, avoiding his gaze in shame of getting found at that easily.

"You yawned all the time, you are tired as hell~ And even if not, I wanna cuddle~" Dazai's sing sang voice is back, sometimes it scares Chuuya how easily Dazai's mood can change, or how good the other knows him.

He can go from angry to happy in five seconds - Chuuya

"Of course it's about your cuddles." Chuuya huffs.

"Its always about me and my cuddles, you know I cant sleep without my Chuuya cuddles."

Pampering whore-Chuuya

Your pampering whore-Dazai hugs him tighter.

That does make the ginger snort amused. "The fuck? You are so strange. Don't call them that, it sounds creepy."