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Kaveh lives by a don't ask, don't tell basis. Therefore, if you never asked if he and Alhaitham ever dated, he'd never tell. Unless he were drunk, that is.
No matter how quiet anyone stays, though, there are always rumours. Whispers. It'd been inevitable that someone would have noticed them spending a bit too much time together in their Akademiya days, the bantering and bickering that always seemed a bit too flirty at times. Fortunately, those waters never reached very far, and they didn't extend into the years after their seperation.
Unfortunately, rumours started to spark again after a night at a bar and a question that would change Kaveh's life, whether or not he knew it at the time.
"How has realising your ideals gone for you?"
That night, Alhaitham brought Kaveh back to his house, as his senior had been homeless at the time. He took the couch and let the drunk man sleep in his bed, making sure to leave a glass of water at his bedside. A few Amurta painkillers were left as well, originally a gift from Tighnari.
When Kaveh eventually woke up, he believed he'd fallen into yet another person's bed whilst drunk. He planned to get out as soon as he could and avoid whoever he slept with entirely, but that changed when he noticed Alhaitham asleep on the couch.
Kaveh's initial response to his ex asleep on the couch of what had to be their old research center was panic. After a bit of thinking, however, he realised his worst case scenario was unlikely. They would have more likely awoken in the same bed had it been that.
So then...why?
As if he could feel Kaveh's crimson eyes staring at him, Alhaitham stirred awake sleepily.
"You're still here," he noted, voice lower than usual from sleep.
"Do you have a problem with that?" Kaveh quipped back, eyes narrowing. Knowing his tone was a bit harsh, however, he conceded, "Why did you bring me back here?"
"Really, I should be asking you that. Why doesn't the great Light of Kshahrewar have a house?"
"I do so have a house!" Kaveh shot back. He kept his eyes locked on Alhaitham as the younger man stood up, back popping as he stretched. Although only an inch or so taller, Alhaitham seemed to tower above him, prompting Kaveh to cross his arms defensively.
"You're more open than you think when you're drunk, senior Kaveh," Alhaitham said, using one of his old peeves against him.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, silently cursing himself for unloading his woes onto Alhaitham. Finally, he quietly responded with, "Fine. You caught me. I'm sure you already know from whatever I told you last night that building the Palace of Alcazarzaray put me in debt. So, I've been on the streets for a bit. Can't afford anywhere else since rent's pretty high right now. Also can't go to a shelter for the sake of my reputation." His voice began to falter near the end of his explanation. Recomposing himself with a dry chuckle, he continued, "After all, what would people say if their great Light of Kshahrewar was broke? I can't afford to disappoint anyone else."
"Move in with me," Alhaitham blurted, surprising the both of them. While he'd honestly intended to lend Kaveh a place to stay, he hadn't expected to offer it so suddenly after hearing Kaveh open up soberly. Who knows, maybe one of them still had feelings for the other.
Kaveh genuinely considered the offer for a moment before shaking his head. "I can't force that burden on you. You seem like you're in a good place, I won't mess with that."
"Even though you forfeited your half, this is still technically our building. As such, there's a spare room that's only been gathering dust." Alhaitham shrugged nonchalantly. "You could pay rent if you wanted to. I don't need it, though."
Kaveh reached a hand up to scratch at his neck. They hadn't spoken in years, he hadn't attended Alhaitham's graduation, he hadn't even tried to check in on his ex and see how he was doing. The only things he knew now were that he got a position as the Akademiya's scribe and that he'd apparently turned the building granted to them into a home. Even so, Kaveh knew he needed somewhere to stay.
"How much would you ask for rent?"
"800 a month," Alhaitham suggested.
Kaveh felt his jaw drop. "Seriously?"
"Would 700 be a more reasonable amount?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at the shorter man.
"Alhaitham, allow me to put this in perspective: I could go to Lambad's and buy two Chicken-Mushroom skewers for 900 Mora. Rent is around 100,000 Mora a month, if not over. You are asking for less than a hundredth of that."
"Yes."
Everything stayed quiet for a moment. After a period of simply staring at each other, Kaveh sighed in defeat. "50,000 a month, and I'll do chores. I still think you're getting nothing out of this."
Alhaitham hummed quietly before responding, "That isn't entirely true."
Kaveh knew better than to question things, as somehow it always ended up in a one-sided screaming match. Instead, he looked around like a fish looking for the sea. "That's it, then? We just...live together now?"
"Do you want to sign some official papers?"
"No, it's...just weird." It feels like old times. "I'm going to head out, see if anyone's selling a bed. I don't want to force you to sleep on the couch again, and I'm not exactly keen on sleeping there myself."
"Wait," Alhaitham called as Kaveh's hand was on the door. He reached into a small dish and pulled out a golden key, then tossed it to Kaveh. "They gave me two keys when I moved in. Assumed one was for you, so I kept it around."
The older man nodded politely and exited the house, trying to sort out the thoughts running through his mind. What other reason did Alhaitham have for letting him move in? Why was it so easy? Did he still have feelings for Kaveh? Why did he keep the spare key?
As his feet hit the ground rhythmically, the most important question tugged at his mind, covering all the others: What did he just agree to?
IX
Alhaitham doesn't like people. Well, that's what most of Sumeru thinks. And most of Sumeru would be right. But Alhaitham liked Kaveh. Alhaitham still likes Kaveh. He likes how he can be himself around his roommate, how his true emotions shine through. He likes that he can wake up each morning and know Kaveh's still there. Not like those years where the house was empty.
Everyone knows that it was an argument over ideals; Kaveh believed that Alhaitham should slow down, help their peers to understand and make progress in their research. Alhaitham believed that those who couldn't keep up were left behind. Those issues were what dug up the long sedimented feelings that led to the breakup.
"Kaveh-" Alhaitham started.
"Don't you dare," Kaveh interrupted, tears in his eyes, "try to tell me this isn't what you want. We have never gotten along, even when we got together. We constantly fight, even after we started dating. You don't deserve me."
Kaveh grabbed his copy of their thesis off of the desk, preparing to storm out of their now-shared house, when Alhaitham grabbed his shoulder. Wearing as stoic a face as ever, he quietly whispered something that would stay in both of their minds until they reunited.
"Don't go. You're all I have left."
Bitterly, Kaveh shook him off. "That's your fault, not mine."
And then he was gone.
Although the people of Sumeru wouldn't believe it, their breakup deeply affected Alhaitham. He removed his name from the thesis, not wanting to continue the research without his partner. Even so, he graduated top of his class and moved on with life. He kept that spare key around, hoping they'd run into each other again one day. Unlike Kaveh, he tried to keep tabs on his ex, making sure everything was okay in his life. He hoped everything was okay. He wouldn't ask him himself, though.
Kaveh seemed like he was in a good place, all things considered. Everyone had heard about the Light of Kshahrewar's Palace of Alcazarzaray. Many claimed it was the most beautiful work of art in all of Sumeru. Alhaitham disagreed.
How could he agree as long as he still loved Kaveh?
Maybe a part of him was glad that he found Kaveh on that miserable night. Even if he was hated by his ex, he'd always help. Always.
Alhaitham was smart in nearly every way except emotions. Even so, the one thing he did know was that he loved Kaveh. And to that end, he'd do his best to keep him happy in his own ways.
XII-XV-XXII-V
"Kaveh?"
He glanced up from a sketch he'd done a thousand times by now. Alhaitham leaned against a wall in a tank top and baggy pants, soft light from the hall to his room illuminating him.
"It's late. You've been working all night, and it's keeping me up."
"Sorry." Kaveh looked through the nearest window towards the moon. Past midnight, at the very least. "I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight. I'm busy with this commission, so I'll just-"
"Make coffee in the morning?" Alhaitham crossed his arms and frowned. "This is the third night in a row you've used that excuse. It isn't healthy. Overworking your body can damage it in the long run."
Kaveh's hand stilled on his paper. It was true; he was trying to avoid sleep. He couldn't let Alhaitham know that, though.
"I know it's not healthy, but this commission-"
"Can wait. You should have enough money leftover from the Interdarshan Championship to cover expenses for a while, unless you've made some poor decisions."
"I don't want to get behind. Go back to bed, I can move to the desk in my room as to not bug you." Kaveh moved to pick his things up from the desk when Alhaitham stopped him. He was about to protest, but was cut off.
"Would you like me to hang out in your room until you fall asleep? You mentioned your mother doing something similar when you were a kid." Alhaitham's tone was surprisingly gentle, something he would have attempted to hide if he were slightly more awake. Kaveh had a tendency to be wary of outright kindness.
Thankfully, it seemed they were both tired, as Kaveh placed his materials back down and headed off to his room. Alhaitham followed after, intending to keep his offer open. Once he passed through Kaveh's doorway, the older man was already crawling into his bed, hairpins laid on his end table. Normally the routine took longer, but they were exhausted.
Alhaitham was about to pull a chair to Kaveh's bedside when his hand was grabbed lightly. Crimson eyes blinked up at him sleepily, not entirely comprehending what exactly he was doing.
"Could you just...lay here? I know you were probably only planning-"
Alhaitham slid under the covers beside Kaveh, keeping his distance whilst also staying close. The light flickered out with a small click, and the two were left together in the dark. Before he knew it, Kaveh was fading into sleep almost as quickly as the light disappeared from the room. Lazily, Alhaitham wrapped an arm around his roommate, touched their foreheads together like they used to when they'd been dating, and chased him into sleep.
When they awoke in the morning, both pretended it was nothing special. They went about their business as usual, Kaveh going right back to his commission and Alhaitham leaving to be the Acting Grand Sage. That was the way things stayed for a fairly long while, no strings attached. They'd wake up, do their jobs, often eat dinner together, go to sleep in the same bed, and repeat the process the next day. It was a comfortable situation up until Kaveh started having the dream again.
Was it a dream, a nightmare, or only a flashback? He couldn't be certain, but the scene was always the same: it was their fight, their breakup from all those years ago. He'd been having it in the time they'd spent apart, and it seemed as though it was finally coming back at him with a vengeance. Truthfully, he was grateful to see Alhaitham again within them, but he wanted to forget that bastard and move on.
"I want to break up."
Alhaitham had looked at him blankly, almost dumbfounded. They were in the middle of another argument when he said it, but that's not really what caused it.
"It's nothing new. I've been considering it for a while, but I don't want you to regret being with me. I don't want you to regret us. I think in another universe, at another time, we were meant to be together. But not yet." Kaveh paused for a moment, eyes fixated on the abyss between them. "You were a wonderful experience."
Alhaitham finally broke his silence and took a step towards Kaveh, who responded with a step back. Changing tactics, he took a breath and said, "This isn't what you want, though, is it? You think this is what's best for me, but you're wrong. Kaveh-"
"Don't you dare."
The dream never changed. Kaveh always wanted it to, he always wanted to stop himself from leaving, rush back to Alhaitham and prevent his loneliness. He never did, though. As soon as the door shut, the dream ended. He'd be awake in his or Alhaitham's bed, gently wrapped in a pair of arms with his ex's lips only inches from his.
It'd be so easy to kiss him, really. Lean forward and capture his lips like he used to. Instead, Kaveh would shut his eyes until Alhaitham let go of him and got up, freeing him from the heaviness of it all.
Maybe Alhaitham noticed him starting to drink more, and that's what caused his concern. Maybe it was the fact Kaveh would lock his room and only unlock it long enough to slip inside, miserable that he was cutting Alhaitham off again. Maybe it was obvious Kaveh's commissions weren't the highest thing on his list of priorities anymore, and he wasn't thinking about designs when he was biting his nails at his desk.
He longed for Alhaitham's touch, but his feelings were burning up inside. The sage wouldn't say anything either, leaving Kaveh to process on his own. That didn't mean he'd let him neglect himself, though. Alhaitham constantly made sure Kaveh would get home safe from the bars, ate proper meals, and generally took care of himself. It was all so domestic that Kaveh wanted to scream, to hit Alhaitham, to ask why he was still getting so many chances when he'd made so many mistakes.
Kaveh wouldn't do that, though. He needed to be strong. He needed to be a light, the light of everyone's lives, the Light of Kshahrewar. No matter if he overworked himself, no matter if he believed his designs were getting worse, no matter if the only thing people liked about him anymore was his creations, he had to keep going. If he stopped, what was his worth? Who was he if he wasn't everything?
Maybe it was one of those half-drunken rambles to Alhaitham. The kind that he'd remember in the morning, but it'd be hazy and blurry and they typically wouldn't acknowledge it.
This wasn't one of those typical nights, though. Kaveh was about to go for another swig of wine when the bottle was lifted out of his hand and placed at the other end of the table where he couldn't reach. Alhaitham sat across from him, studious eyes drilling holes into his soul.
"Give it back."
"No."
"Alhaitham-"
"I can't let you do this to yourself anymore."
"Do what?"
"This." Alhaitham gestured vaguely towards Kaveh, which helped absolutely nobody. He grabbed the alcohol bottle for himself and took a swig; seemed like his roommate was relying on the cheap stuff again.
"What do you care?" Kaveh sulked as he slumped down on the table, mumbling into his arms.
Alhaitham took another sip of the shitty alcohol, followed by a deep breath.
"It's going to help neither of us if we keep dancing around the issue. The truth is, Kaveh, I'm in love with you. I never stopped. I know you don't believe you deserve it, but my entire life, nobody quite understood the way I am like you do. I can be rude, blunt, I can make enemies and not always realise that I was in the wrong. Despite that, you saw through me just as I see through you." He twirled the bottle on the table, the glass frame close to toppling down and crashing completely. "I just wish you would have seen that I meant every ounce of love I gave you."
Kaveh wanted to fight back, argue something along the lines of Alhaitham pitying him, but that was the trouble of being drunk. They both knew he was right, so it wasn't worth arguing. Kaveh sat up and looked at his ex grumpily, the echoes of a damaged child screaming in his eyes.
"Why didn't you leave like everyone else?"
Instead of answering, Alhaitham leaned in, nose brushing against his senior's. With a curt nod of consent from Kaveh, they kissed for the first time in years.
XXV-XV-XXI
Kaveh stood outside their home, smiling as he sipped a cup of warm coffee. A lot had happened in such a relatively short time, but for once, he was happy. As he lifted his cup again, he glanced at the green stone inlaid on the ring on his finger.
Truthfully, happy didn't come close to describing the level of joy he felt within himself.
The sun was rising over a waking Sumeru, merchants beginning to set up their wares and workers passing Kaveh on the street with smiles and waves. Speaking of waking up, Kaveh could hear their front door open and click back shut quietly, knowing the arms that wrapped around him from behind were his husband's.
"Good morning," he grumbled into the crook of Kaveh's neck, voice having a familiar depth from lack of use over the night.
"There's coffee on the stove. Should still be warm if you want some."
"Mm." Kaveh could feel him bury himself further into his neck, not that he actually cared. He took another sip of his coffee, subtly checking that no one else was coming or looking at them.
"Wish you were this docile all the time, it'd save me some arguments," Kaveh teased, leaning his head against Alhaitham's.
"Mm-mm. You'd be bored."
"Stop being right. It's too early for this. Go inside."
"Don't wanna."
"Alhaitham."
"Kaveh."
The older man shook his husband off gently, gesturing for them to re-enter the house. Before following Alhaitham inside, Kaveh turned back and looked out at Sumeru.
Even if they had their fights, their ups and downs, their separations...he hoped that they were together like this in every universe.