Work Text:
Every. Day. Every single day, there was a problem; a villain or adversary he had to deal with. He would never get a break from it, and couldn’t. Crime never sleeps, right? So, why should he? Ben was so fed up with it all. He just wanted it to end. Days, weeks, to months. Never ending. The loop continued and will continue for the rest of his days. There was no escape. He was trapped.
A lump formed in the boy’s throat, who was still awake at a late hour. He had no choice. This, this was his destiny; what he was meant to do forever. Ben had to carry this whole world on his shoulders. People looked up to him and depended on him to save them. The police couldn’t do what he did, and Kevin wasn’t a hero. At least, that’s what the 11 year old chose to be.
It felt.. so alone. Being the hero of this whole world, universe even. It was too much for him. Sure, he had his Grandpa and Gwen to accompany and assist him, but there was still this overwhelming emptiness he felt. He wasn’t done with his childhood yet, and suddenly it was snatched from him in an instant. Why him?
But then Ben thought. What would he be without the Omnitrix? Nothing, nobody. So, he should be thankful for it, right? The watch gave him a purpose, something that made him worth something. Useful, strong, reliable, and inspiring. Without it.. a useless, weak, pathetic, talentless failure with nothing keeping him on this planet. These aliens that he transformed into made him feel strong. They gave him a sense of comfort knowing that, technically, he wasn’t himself, and that he didn’t have to worry about anything that he would in his human form. He hated his life before the Omnitrix; no matter what he did, everything failed in the end.
Although it was all a loop, Ben liked playing hero. Yeah, he liked to help and save people, but just playing as if it was all a dream, some imaginary world, was comforting to him. Again, he had nothing to worry or panic about. Only him dashing around as XLR8, punching baddies as Four Arms, or melting evil devices as Heat Blast. An adrenaline rushed through him everytime he transformed, it was exhilarating. Addicting. It got to the point where he hated being himself, and would always be seen dialing the watch, picking which alien he’d feel most comfortable being.
Ben didn’t have a life anymore. That’s what it seemed to him. Who did have a life, though, were the aliens contained in the Omnitrix. Ben? He wasn’t sure he knew who that was anymore. He didn’t think he ever did. But now, he didn’t need to. Now, all he needed was the watch.
Ben had already thought about giving up, either dying or somehow handing the device back to Asmuth, but he couldn't. He’d be looked down upon if he gave it back. And useless once again. Though, at least if he died, he’d be seen as a hero who sacrificed himself for the safety of the world. He’d just have to make it believable. But he also couldn’t because he would be leaving his family behind; they’d be devastated, and lost. Ben had no way out. The only thing he looked forward to every second of the night, and while his watch was timed out, was transforming.
Never ending. That’s what this was. He thinks through this every night, which is really the only time he’s alone. In the morning, it goes away. He transforms into an alien, and the worrying, pain, terror, and emptiness leave him almost completely. It lingers, but consumes him at night, as he’s alone and most vulnerable. Ben is reliant on this temporary dopamine every day of his life. And this painful loop will never cease.