Chapter Text
Nikolai looked up from his sketching when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. He smiled as he saw his consort leaning over the back of the couch. "Hey, I didn't hear you get home."
Fyodor smiled as he kissed his consort. "I just got done with getting the stuff you requested and decided to come surprise you for lunch. I know you've been hard at work since Chuuya mentioned clothes for Zai." He was beyond elated to have his consort with him in Yokohama. He got to see Nikolai all the time now, and planned to take full advantage of it.
Nikolai hummed happily. "I want to have options ready for Zai and ChuChu's date night when we're taking the kids to the circus. I'm also working on outfits for us for tonight."
Fyodor tried to peer over Nikolai's shoulder to see and laughed when it was promptly closed. "I don't get to see what you're going to put me in?"
Nikolai shook his head. "Of course you don't! Where's the fun in letting you see what I'm working on? I want your reaction when it's done."
Fyodor kissed his consort's head gently. "Fine, I suppose you have a point. It's not as surprising when I've seen the sketch already." He agreed, letting Nikolai go so he could put the supplies in the studio.
Nikolai watched him walk down the hall while clutching his notebook to his chest. Truthfully he hadn't been working on Fyodor's outfit for the night, but instead replacements for the sweatshirt and jeans his consort had ruined during a game of what had appeared to be paintball. Whoever had gotten the stains out did a pretty good job, but he was a designer, and he sure as hell noticed the little things on his own designs. Especially ones he had given to his consort that he was super proud of.
Fyodor had said he liked them, but that obviously hadn't been the case if he played paintball in them. Nikolai didn't understand why his consort hadn't just said so! Why didn't Fyodor trust him with anything?! It wouldn't be the first time Fyodor had told him he didn't personally like a design, and if that was the case Nikolai could have just sold it! It didn't make much sense to remake them if he knew Fyodor didn't like them, but it made him feel better to know there was a new pair that might be treated with a little respect and was in good condition with nothing wrong with it. Well, nothing wrong with it except for the fact that his husband didn't like it.
Was a little honesty in their relationship too much to ask for? Fyodor didn't think he could handle anything! Fyodor didn't think he could handle being told he didn't like his design, and his consort didn't think he could handle knowing about Fukuzawa! It was ridiculous! Did Fyodor not trust him to be able to keep the secret? Did he really think his loyalty to Mori outweighed his loyalty to his own damn consort? Sure he was jealous of Fyodor's college friends and all the times his consort had blown him off to go hang out with them, but he knew they made Fyodor happy and he would never jeopardize that just because he was upset! Did Fyodor really belive in him so little? Did he suck that much as a partner?
Sure, Fyodor had been choosing Ranpo, Yosano, and Dazai over him for months when it came to hanging out, but to find out his consort had chosen to protect them over him when Nikolai knew damn well Fyodor could feel how hurt he was over all the secrecy and the fighting. He felt isolated and Fyodor kne w it.
For g ods' sake Fyodor would get all defensive and start fights when Nikolai simply asked how classes had been before he knew what was going on with Fukuzawa. For months it felt like his consort didn't trust him and was hiding things from him, and then come to find out he had been, and wasn't even apologetic about it! Fyodor chosen three friends he'd known for a few months happiness over Nikolai's, who he'd been dating for almost two centuries, and Nikolai was sure that was never not going to sting.
Nikolai was so lost in his own thoughts, staring blankly down at the cover of his sketchbook, that he didn't notice Fyodor walk back into the living room. He startled when a gentle hand was set on his shoulder and his eye darted up to his consort.
Fyodor's concern was evident only in his eyes as he studied Nikolai's face. "Niki, what's wrong?" He asked gently, sitting down next to his consort on the couch.
Nikolai smiled and kissed Fyodor's cheek. "It's nothing, Dos-kun. Just a perplexing design issue I can't seem to figure out. Don't worry about." He assured before standing abruptly. "Anyways! I have sewing I need to get done! Since you so graciously ran to the store for me I have all the things I need to finish up my projects for tonight."
Fyodor frowned as he gently pulled Nikolai closer. "That's not it, it's something to do with me. I can sense it. Tell me, please, Niki? I know I haven't been a very good consort lately and I'm sorry for that. I do love you, though. You know that right? I love you so much more than I can ever express."
Nikolai shook his head even as he curled into his consort. "It's stupid and you'll hate me. I'm just being silly."
Fyodor sighed as he kissed Nikolai's head. "Niki, I could never hate you. I love you. Please, just tell me?"
Nikolai bit his lip and worried it between his teeth as he debated his options. He could continue to refuse and end up making Fyodor worry and continue to ask over and over again, only making himself feel worse in the process, or he could tell Fyodor and his consort would tell him he's being stupid and jealous. Then Fyodor would hate him and he would feel even worse than he did now. However, an angry Fyodor was better than a sad and worrying Fyodor, so Nikolai decide d to sacrifice his own feelings.
"Do you trust me, Dostoevsky?" Nikolai asked softly, internally wincing when Fyodor's breath caught at the use of his full name.
Fyodor nodded his head after taking a steadying breath. "I do. You're my consort and my husband, of course I trust you. I trust you more than anyone."
Nikolai pulled away from his consort and curled up around his sketchbook, sitting in a tight ball with about a foot between them. "So we're lying now too?" He asked, more bitterness than he intended seeping into his voice.
Fyodor furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not lying, Gogol. What is this all about?"
Nikolai shook his head. "This is about the fact that you don't trust me. Not even with the littlest of things! You could have just told me you didn't like the clothes instead of ruining them! But you didn't trust that I could handle it!"
Fyodor's eyebrows shot up. "Is this about the sweatshirt and jeans? Really, Niki? I know you love your clothes and I do too. It was a little paint and I had Zai get the stains out of it."
Nikolai stood abruptly, not caring that it caused his sketchbook to fall down to the floor. "A little paint!? You played fucking paintball in them Dostoevsky! If you didn't like them that much you could have just said so and I would have sold them at the shop! Even if Zai tried to get the stains out it still ruined the color! Especially the black! And you didn't even say anything!"
Fyodor took a deep breath so he didn't lash out. "I didn't say anything because of how hard you worked on them. I would have never worn them if I had known we were playing paintball. The itenerary said we were supposed to be doing trivia inside after lunch. Paintball was never on the list, and I managed to keep everything clean until Zai got me from behind. I was pissed and went off on him because of how my outfit was ruined and it had been a gift. Ranpo and Yosano both about murdered me for the way I went off on him."
Nikolai's eyes widened. "You went off on Zai? Over the outfit?" He hadn't been expecting to hear that. As petty as it was, he thought his consort felt like Dazai could do no wrong. To hear he had actually gone off on Dazai for getting paint on his outfit surprised and warmed Nikolai as petty as that was.
Fyodor smiled faintly. "Of course I did. You made that outfit for me and it was the first time I got to wear it. Then it got ruined. Zai felt bad and said he would get the paint stains out, but he wouldn't look at me for a couple of weeks after that. He remained quiet and meek. I didn't regret being upset, but I did regret the way I handled it. I knew he had been in foster-care and had a rough go of it. In fact, I have suspicions that the others won't entertain. Mostly because I looked at his files. However, that's for another time. I want to focus on you. The outfit can't be all of it, so please tell me? I would rather get it out in the open so you hopefully feel better than you keeping it locked up inside."
Nikolai huffed as he flopped back down on the couch. "No. Now I feel bad about it and I know it's stupid and I'm overreacting."
Fyodor sighed softly and shook his head. "It's not stupid and it's not overreacting if it's making you this upset. I know you, and even an outfit wouldn't make you so upset. Not to the point you yell, especially at me. You don't have to feel bad about the way you're feeling, Niki."
Nikolai whined and half heartedly kicked Fyodor's thigh. "This is foul play. You don't get to suck for months and then be all sweet and understanding."
Fyodor smiled faintly. "I'm trying to make up for sucking so much lately, so if you could please tell me what's bothering you so I can make it right, it would be appreciated."
Nikolai sighed softly and wrapped his arms around himself. "Fine, you're right. It's not just about the outfit, though I am upset about that. I'm… not very happy about the fact that you keep picking Dazai, Ranpo, and Yosano over me."
Fyodor's smile dropped as he looked at his consort. "You think I'm picking them over you?"
Nikolai slowly nodded his head. "Well, yeah. How many times have you blown me off over the last few months to go hang out with them? You'd go to the library to study with them, to Ranpo’s apartment to hang out, to the café to work on projects and watch Dazai. I get it, you're excited to have friends and I would never tell you that you can't hang out with them, but it just sucks when they're all that matters. I mean, sometimes I wouldn't hear from you for days when you stayed down in the Human Realm with them. I can't even count how many times I just wanted you to come home and for once ask how my day was instead of coming home to grab a bag and tell me you were going to hang out with those three. It just… it fucking sucked. I was your second choice, and sometimes it felt like I wasn't even a choice at all." He knew this wasn't the exact problem, and he had more or less come to terms with Fyodor spending most of his time with Dazai and his siblings, but he needed to explain this before anything else.
Fyodor sighed softly. "I hate that you feel this way, Niki. I would have dropped school if I had realized you felt this way. I was doing this to help you with your shop in the long run. I know you think it's mostly been me hanging out, but I promise it has mostly been projects. Our professors have really laid them on thick this semester. As for spending most of it watching Zai at the cafe, I'm going to tell you something. However, you have to promise me that you won't tell Chuuya. Zai doesn't even know I'm aware of this. It pertains to his last foster home. He needs to tell Chuuya himself, but it's why I keep such a close eye on him at that café."
Nikolai covered Fyodor's mouth with his hands and shook his head. "Don't. At least not yet. Just… just let me get through this because if you say anything else about Dazai I'll feel too guilty to say anything."
Fyodor gently kissed Nikolai's palm. "Okay, I won't say anything on that matter."
Nikolai's shoulders sagged in relief. "Thank you." He said softly before continuing on. "Anyways, that all isn't the main point here. What really hurts is that I know you can feel how upset this is all making me, and I'm not blocking our bond so unless you are I know you feel it, but you ignore it and you keep abandoning me for them. It hurts Dostoevsky.
"Then the whole Fukuzawa thing is just the icing in on the cake. It makes sense now why you've been so cagey when it comes to talking about your day and your classes, but it didn't make it hurt any less. If anything it made it hurt more. I mean, do you really think I'm more loyal to Mori than I am to you? That I wouldn't hear you out? You don't trust me and you don't have any faith in me, and that fucking hurts. And again you were putting Dazai and his siblings in front of me. You knew how badly all this shit was hurting me and yet you wanted to make sure they were happy first instead of putting a little faith in me. You're not an idiot, I know you put it together that I knew Fukuzawa, but you kept the fact that you found him from me, and that…" he trailed off, bottom lip wobbling as he wiped at his eyes.
Fyodor reached out to wipe his consort's eyes. "It wasn't your loyalty to Mori. I knew how much his leaving had hurt you. You didn't like talking about him, and he was close to Sigma, so when his leaving hurt Sigma, that tore you up. You have such a big heart. You care so much for your brothers. As stupid as you'll think this sounds, I was trying to spare you more hurt. I also knew that if you found out and came to see Fukuzawa and he didn't acknowledge you then, friend's father or not, I would attempt to kill him for hurting you again."
Nikolai's lips trembled as he felt the truth along their bond. "You would have risked Mori’s wrath and gone up against someone you couldn't match for me? You'd risk your friendship with Dazai and his siblings….for me?"
Fyodor smiled gently. "Of course I would. I would give all of that up in a heartbeat for you. Ты для меня все." (You are my everything.)
Nikolai threw himself at Fyodor and burried his face in his consorts neck as tears slipped down his cheeks. "Я тебя люблю! Я так сильно тебя люблю!" (I love you! I love you so so much!)
Fyodor kissed Nikolai's head softly as he rubbed his back. "I love you too."
Nikolai lifted his head after calming himself for a few moments. "Dos-kun, promise me that you'll never try to spare my feelings again. You should have at least given me the option to know and go see him. I always figured he was alive, and finding out Fukuzawa has more kids actually made a lot of sense. Plus, keeping secrets makes you mean, Dos-kun."
Fyodor smiled faintly at his consort as he held Nikolai close. "I promise, Niki. I didn't like keeping it from you in the first place."
Nikolai hummed happily as he buried his face in his consort's chest. "Good, I don't like Dos-kun keeping secrets from me. Not unless they're the temporary fun kind."
Fyodor smiled as he tipped Nikolai's chin up and kissed him gently. "Do you want me to quit, Niki? I will quit school if it makes you happier. I don't want you to be unhappy. I started this to be able to take over the parts of the shop you dislike. Things should slow down after this semester. I won't have this economics professor again. Business economics is a pain in the ass. As the other two can attest to."
Nikolai stay silent as he thought for a moment before slowly shaking his head. "No, I don't want you to quit if it's just because of me. If you genuinely don't like going to school, then by all means drop out. I still don't see why you needed to get this degree in the first place. You've ran businesses before, and you've been handling mine for the better part of a century just fine."
Fyodor hummed softly as he held his consort closer. "It's to keep up with appearances in the human realm. You had been talking about opening a shop front here, and right now humans are sticklers for permits and degrees. I just want to be able to help you in any way possible if you do decide you want the human store front. If you change your mind I'll just drop out after this semester. With Zai being Chuuya’s consort and all, it's not like I won't see him again. I also don't feel the need to watch over him as strongly now that Chuuya’s in the picture. He's going to happily take over that café soon, I'm certain. He twitches every time it gets mentioned."
Nikolai smiled faintly. "Yeah, ChuChu gets really irritable about that. I think it's because he's never been good about look but not touching when he wants something. I know we're gonna be spending a lot more time in the Human Realm with Zai here, so I'm still on the fence about opening up a shop. I really don't like being here, but I know it will be good for buisness. I need to think on it more."
Fyodor kissed his consort gently while stroking his back. / When you decide, just let me know. There's no rush. I just want you to have the option of a store in the human realm if you want it./
Nikolai hummed softly as he melted into Fyodor's touch. / I know, you're patient to a fault, at least when it comes to me. I'll be here at least until Sigma decides to go back home. Most likely I'll be making trips back and forth though. I can't put m y buisness on hold just to relax here. I'll have to look over numbers and shit at home to help make my decision. It's stressful./
Fyodor smiled softly. / And I'll be with you as much as I can with classes until you decide whether or not you want to open a store in the Human Realm. I can come to the shop and help you run numbers when I'm not busy./
/ I would really like that. I don't have any problems with you staying here and continuing classes, but if you ever ignore my feelings across the bond again and continue doing something you know is upsetting me I will stab you./ Nikolai flashed his consort a feral grin.
Fyodor gave his husband a mocking pout. "Only if I ignore your feelings? That's not very nice. I thought you loved me. Maybe I need to go ask Sigma or Chuuya if they'll make me bleed. My loving consort is clearly not interested in helping me release tension!" He knew that using Chuuya or Sigma for this never happening scenario was safer than using any other name with the way his consort felt right now.
Nikolai pounced and knocked his consort backwards onto the couch. "Nooo! Only I'm allowed to make you bleed, Dos-kun!!" He then perked up. "Is that it? You've been so nasty and testy because I haven't been making you bleed enough? That's hard to do when you're not around. I can take care of that right now though!!!"
Fyodor purred smugly as he wrapped his arms around his husband. "I would like that very much, but you can't blame me if you don't get your outfits for tonight finished in time. Zai won't care if his outfits come from a shop you recommend. He's still not used to nice clothes."
Nikolai frowned and sat back on his heels. "But I really wanna get those outfits done. I want Zai to see how great my clothes are and I know it'll be really hard to convince him to buy clothes from a store. How about I make you bleed when we come back from the circus? Your healing rate is slower than mine, so the cuts might not be gone before we get the kids, and the youngest has a really good sense of smell. He might smell the blood."
Fyodor nodded his head. "That's an acceptable compromise. If their baby smelled blood, Dazai and Chuuya would murder me and ban you from making the children Halloween costumes. A fate worse than death for you, my beautiful creative fashionista." He teased as he pulled Nikolai into another kiss.
Nikolai smiled against Fyodor's lips. "It would be a fate worse than death! It would almost be as terrible as losing my Dos-kun privileges, but luckily only you can take those away and you would never do that to me. Besides, aren't you always telling me that waiting for what I want will make it even better when I get it? You need to listen to your own advice. Imagine how much better me making you bleed will feel after hours of anticipation!"
Fyodor smiled as he bit his consort’s lips, just to make him pout as he drew away with a quick kiss. “You’re right, it will be well worth the wait, and we don’t have any plans for tomorrow at this point, so there will be absolutely no rush. You can draw it out as long as you like.”
Nikolai’s eyes dilated at the thought of being able to make his consort bleed as long as he liked, and at the small bite to his lips. “No fair, Dos-kun!!! You’re teasing me now!!”
Fyodor smiled innocently. “Whatever do you mean, Niki? I was just pointing out what you could do after we get done at the circus.”
Nikolai huffed as he bit his consort’s lips hard enough to bleed and ground down just to take satisfaction in knowing he made his consort hard. Then he slid off his consort’s lap and grabbed his notebook before flouncing off to his studio. “I’ll see you when it’s time to go to ChuChu and Zai’s in a few hours. Meanie!!”
Fyodor laughed and used it to cover up the frustrated groan that wanted to come out. "I'll come check on you in a little while for lunch before we go! I love you, Kolya!" He called out. Two could play at this game.
Nikolai could feel his consort’s frustration through their bond and took great satisfaction in it. "I love you too, Dos-kun!" He blew Fyodor a kiss before slipping into his stuido and closing the door. Then he registered the name his consort had used and smiled giddly, his love crashing across the bond upon hearing the nickname his consort had given him so long ago. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed it until it fell from Fyodor’s lips again.
After a soft squeal of happiness Nikolai laid his head against his sketchbook, a small smile on his face. He felt a lot better now that he had told Fyodor, and it seemed that his consort didn't hate him. It was nice to know that Fyodor was trying to shield and help him in his own way, even if he was a little off the mark. His consort was simply the best !