Chapter Text
A white bird was sitting on a tree, rubbing itself with its beak. The sun was shining through the branches towards the horizon, and the animals, as they scurried through the vast expanse of green and soared through the sky, enriched the scene with their gentle echoes. The bird was gazing to the left and then to the right, almost as if it were looking for something. It soared to the ground with such grace, as only wings allowed, before repeatedly snagging on the grass. It surveyed its surroundings once more before proceeding with its task, subsequently raising its head and elevating its body into the seemingly endless blue sky. The bird continued to soar, and it wasn't until it reached a new height that the hunter appeared, looking genuinely disappointed that it had missed out on its dinner by a second. It looked up into the sky, its eyes challenged by the blinding sun, as the bird continued its way forward, its wings seemingly continuing to lift it up with such little effort until it left the wall and everyone inside behind.
What would I do if I had wings?
“Mikasa”
Only the mention of her name brought the black-haired girl out of her trance, as she was still looking at the spot in the grass where the bird was only a moment ago and its hunter had disappeared a second later. It took her a second to notice that she almost let go of her basket, which would have been a shame, considering how long it took her to gather all those strawberries. They always looked so beautiful that she was reluctant to eat them. But eating them and feeling the juice spread in her mouth was always too much of a joy for her. And the cake! The mere thought of it brought a soft smile to her face.
Maybe if we start baking soon, and it cools quickly we might be able to eat a piece of it today…
While she was enjoying the picture in her head, she realized that one strawberry had indeed escaped her basket and was now laying on the ground, creating a red mass of explosion.
“Oh no…”, Mikasa muttered as tears were already slowly starting to build in her eyes. Her parents always worked tirelessly to ensure that their strawberries would grow. Missing this one already felt like personally letting them down. She was so intensely looking down at it that she had previously watched the white bird.
“Mikasa”
She again snapped out of it and was caught surprised as the voice was much clearer and louder now than it had been before. Before she investigated its origin, she checked to see if another strawberry had escaped its fate in this brief moment of carelessness. She slightly nodded with relief as she realized this wasn’t the case.
“I’m starting to worry, is everything alright, dear?”
Mikasa looked to the left as her mother inspected her, with a soft look of concern. Her daughter looked at her as she had expected a different person to appear, with her mouth a bit open because of the apparent surprise. A split second passed before she closed it again.
“Apologies Mother, I was just in thought. There was a wonderful bird and there was an animal that tried to eat it I believe, and then it used its wings to escape, and I was so in awe of that…” she answered with a speed that almost made it impossible for her mother to understand before both were glancing down at the corpse of the strawberry. It was truly a shame. Mikasa was staring downward, almost as if she were gazing at the lifeless body of the bird she had just mentioned.
I did let them down
“Well, it’s a beautiful day, and we all work hard enough to spare ourselves a few moments of being in awe of the world around us. Especially if the sun is shining so brightly” her mother remarked with a calming voice, hoping that it would light up her daughter again as she went down on her knees and gently caressed her daughters' hair.
“But is really everything alright? I called for you just a moment before but received no response, so I came looking for you” Miss Ackerman stated, still with a soft and calming facial expression, however, with growing worries in her voice.
“Yes, everything is okay…” Mikasa responded, using her left sleeve to make the remaining tears disappear and lightning up again, much to the happiness of her mother. “But the strawberry… I’m so sorry…” she offered her apologies, but her Mother didn’t hesitate to break this new wave of sadness. For Miss Ackerman, her daughter was a wonder, as most children are to their parents. Mikasa, on the other hand, occasionally developed a strong attachment to things, and at that moment, her mother needed to have a gentle chuckle, reminding herself that caring was one of humanity's most significant talents, since it required strength. Her mother had taught her this lesson, and she wanted to teach it to her own child as well.
“It’s just a strawberry, okay? Of course, it’s sad because fabricating it into a cake is so much more joyful, but it’s nothing compared to all the ones we already collected right? Mentioning that…” she tried changing the subject, taking out her basket and making her daughter look amazed as it almost reached its complete volume, resembling an ocean of strawberries. “I believe I won this time” her mother finished with a confident expression and display of pride in her voice but failed to sustain it further as she simply always needed to smile when she gazed at her beloved daughter.
Mikasa almost appeared defeated, but giving up wasn't one of the traits of the Ackermans, so she peeked at her mother's basket and tried to count them all. But there were so many that this was an impossible task. Upon examination of her own basket, she observed that it was only half-full, rendering her defeat inescapable.
“Maybe, but only this once and I saw a bird” she declared with childish innocence in her voice. The kind of innocence only humans processed, which still lived in awe of the world around her. The kind of innocence everyone loses at some point.
“A bird is a strong argument…” her mother pondered and nodded heavily as if she were actually thinking this case through. “Let's decide on a draw then” she suggested a few seconds later and got rewarded with the joyful laugh of her daughter, and this was all the reward a mother needed.
“But next time no birds or anything else. Only Strawberries” she clarified and maintained a serious demeanor which was promptly replaced with amusement from both sides.
“Okay” Mikasa answered decisive and a handshake between Mother and daughter was shared, and a hug quickly followed which lasted for several moments.
The Birds in the trees as the only noise.
Both were walking along a small stream to return home. Mikasa holding her mother's hand in the left and her basket in the right, now more than half filled because her mother insisted that she couldn't carry all her strawberries by herself. Mikasa was not entirely convinced by that, but which daughter would disappoint her mother? She occasionally glanced towards the stream when she perceived a fish, sadly a rare occurrence.
“Can we start baking once we get home?” Mikasa asks impatiently.
“Sadly no, I still need to make some preparations for it. Strawberries aren’t the only ingredients of the Strawberry cake, even though the name might be misleading in that case. And I want to take the laundry in, it should be dry at that point, thanks to the Sun's service” her mother explained, briefly looking up.
“Oh…” her daughter muttered, unable to contain her disappointment completely.
I was really looking forward to baking with her
“But I promise that we can get started today. As soon as I’m done with the previous tasks, I let you know” her mother reassured as they continued journeying to their home. She didn't want to disappoint her daughter, and if she was honest, then she needed this cake as much as the rest of her family did.
“You can play with the other children meanwhile. I call for you” she offered, accompanied by a gentle smile that was swiftly replaced by confusion as Mikasa abruptly ceased her walking. “What’s wrong?” she questioned, worried once again.
“Do I have to?” Mikasa asked with nervousness in her voice, facing the ground instead of her mother's eyes.
“What do you mean? Playing with other children?” she wondered, only slightly confused now.
Mikasa was never a socially inclined individual, owing to her shyness and introversion. She was shining with her parents around, but dealing with strangers, even her own age, only scared her. The thought alone was enough for her. Usually, she just avoided them because of that, sometimes even behind a tree. At times, her mom would make her do it nonetheless because children can't stay at home and be with their parents all the time. And when she arrives to pick up Mikasa, she usually finds her sitting in the grass looking up at the sky or wall, maybe wondering what's ahead, just like her mother was when she was young.
“Mikasa, the world is a beautiful place with so many wonderful people around which will brighten up your life someday. But for them to notice you, it's unwise to spend your entire time at home. You need to put your feet out there and engage with the world around you because there is so much to be discovered even inside the walls. Look at it with the same awe and wonder as you had done with the bird, and you will see how magnificent our world is” her mother explained with her typical encouraging voice which usually proved effective. She hoped that this would be the case once more.
Her daughter was pondering the words she had just heard. The world was, in fact, a beautiful place, but other children were so mean sometimes that Mikasa became increasingly hesitant to engage with its inhabitants. It may have been nearly a year ago, as she attempted to evade the memory, thereby successfully forgetting the actual date of the event. She had a blast playing catch with a couple of other kids from the neighborhood, but after some time, a girl just pushed her to the ground, putting dust and dirt on the slightly pink dress she used to wear that day. The reason for this rude act was still unclear to her, maybe it was because Mikasa was too fast for everyone to catch her, and maybe she was jealous of her apparent rival. But this wasn’t the worst part.
Nobody helped me to get up again. Not one person
After that, she began running back home, with nasty comments following her behind, as tears were running down her cheeks. When she returned home, her parents appeared surprised at first, but immediately started to be worried about what had happened a few seconds later. Her mother promptly called and followed her, but Mikasa had already sprinted up the staircase and entered her room, her back resting against the closed door. She was crying for almost an hour.
Only the soothing voice of her parents, both leaning against the opposite side of the door, brought an end to the seemingly endless number of tears. Eventually, she would open the door again and the family would share a long hug before dinner. Her parents would then read her a goodnight story about speaking birds who got lost on their way home, but eventually found their way back thanks to a Rabbit. Mikasa loved that story.
It still turned out to be a good day
But she stayed at home for a few weeks afterward nonetheless. The first time she did it again, it was with both her parents helping her move forward. Her mother has since then attempted to encourage her to go out again, telling her that a one-time incident shouldn't destroy her curiosity and joy for the rest of her life.
Mikasa knew that she got a point.
Just like her fear did.
But one morning, the black-haired girl decided to go out again and received a relieved smile from her parents. She proceeded to exit, albeit with a slight sense of apprehension in her chest, which intensified as she approached the children playing. She tried her best to move forward, but her body remained stiff, expressing disapproval of this directive.
The sound of birds saved her from what might have followed.
She didn't go to the playing children, instead she walked to a pile of grass where she sat down and watched the animals walking beside her and the birds flying high up. Every time she walked out alone, she did this, and every time it calmed her down. She was at peace in each one of those moments. When her mother eventually came to pick her up, she almost always found her in the same spot.
All that went through her mind as she was thinking about her mother’s words.
The world is a beautiful place
“Mikasa?”
Mikasas eyes went up from facing the ground to meet the equally dark-gray eyes of her mother.
“Look, I'm sorry I shouldn't have pressured you. I know the effect experiences can have on our current behavior, especially if you are still a child. I just want you to be happy…” her mother spoke in a gentle and apologetic tone as she knelt down on her left knee, positioning herself to be at eye level with her daughter.
“How about you help me with the laundry and with the preparations for the cake? Four hands will definitely be much faster, and we should be able to finish the cake quicker” she proposed.
“No, I'm- I'm going to play with the other children…” Mikasa decided, much to the surprise of both.
“Are you sure?” her mother questioned, unsure if this was truly her daughter's own decision or if she felt obliged to please her mother.
“Yes, I am sure” Mikasa confirmed firmly, sounding more confident with each word spoken.
It won't be like last time
“Well, have fun then. I call you once I’m done” her mother responded reassured, still not completely left without any doubts but relieved that her daughter apparently wanted to grow beyond her fears. A big step for every human being, regardless of age.
“But if something happens, please come back home, okay? Your father and I will be there” her mother stated, unsuccessful to contain her worries completely.
“I will” Mikasa quickly answered, almost showing enough confidence for both of them.
“Then, like I said, have fun” her mother repeated, gracing her daughter both with a soft smile and a gentle kiss against her forehead.
“I love you mama” Mikasa said, before she hugged her mother, her face disappearing in her chest.
“I love you too, strawberry”
The sun was situated almost directly above the wall at the commencement of the afternoon. Mikasa was strolling through a wheat-laden field when she heard the buzz of grasshoppers as she looked around.
Why can't it always be like this?
Just a couple of minutes later, she heard the sound of kids having fun just around the corner, which Mikasa knew was a huge lawn that the kids in their neighborhood used to play on.
She immediately stopped any kind of movement.
Not again. Not this time. I promised it to mother
But her fear was strong and grew with every second.
They will push me into the dirt again
Mikasa closed her eyes and was glad that nobody was able to see her in this state, as she thought it was absurd how she stood there with closed eyes, fighting against her inner demons.
They will laugh about me again
I will return home crying
I promised it to mama
With that in mind, Mikasa began to move forward with her leftover food, which was soon followed by its counterpart. With each step, she felt how her fear lost its strength and her own confidence grew.
I can do it
And so she turned around the corner and saw a pile of grass where several children were throwing a small ball at each other and laughing with each catch.
Mikasa just stood there for a second and observed the ball flying through the air and landing in a different hand again. Almost as if she weren’t a part of this world and merely a ghostly spectator.
Mikasa was unable to recognize any of the children who were playing. The red-haired girl who lived a few houses away from her was the only person she could identify. She doubted that any of the other seven would recognize her because she rarely left her home and if she did, she rarely engaged with other children. Hence, why no one has spoken with her yet.
At least she isn't here
That provided a sheer amount of relief to her.
She was pondering about her next move. Should she approach them? Play with them? Would they let her? Would they accept and play with her? They already sounded really entertained without her involvement, at least as far as she could tell.
Stop being so insecure
Mikasa closed her eyes for a second to convince herself that her insecurity was unjustified. The girl from last time wasn’t here this time, and they had no reason to act against her.
There was no reason the last time either
Before she could spare another second on this thought, she heard a small ball landing a few inches from her feet. She looked at it with raised eyes, and even more so when one of the children started talking to her from the distance.
“Hey, could you please throw it back to me? Kaida apparently lost his ability to aim” a boy with light-brown hair intervened with a sense of arrogance in his voice and Mikasa heard a nasty comment in the background, probably from this mentioned Kaida.
But Mikasa didn’t move at first, as she wasn’t sure what to do yet. Her first instinct was to run, but she knew well enough that this wasn’t smart. This boy had asked nicely if she could return the ball, and she wanted to prove to herself that she could overcome her fear.
“Hello?” the boy repeated his question, appearing to be slightly confused about her behavior.
Mikasa was staring down at the ball and then directed her gaze at the person who addressed her. “Su- Sure” she stuttered with a hint of nervousness and confidence in her voice. She picked up the small brown lathered ball, it felt comfortable in her hand. The size was perfect for young hands to grasp comfortably. She glanced up and faced the boy once again, taking a deep breath.
They probably wonder why it's taking so long. You need to do it now. Believe in yourself
She took another breath before she threw, the ball flying through the air and landing perfectly in the boys' hand, much to the surprise of everyone involved. Mikasa's eyes widened in surprise, soon accompanied by a relieved and soft smile on her face.
I did it. I actually did it
“Good throw” the boy judged, sounding sincerely impressed.
“Thank… thank you” Mikasa responded, still gracing with a slight smile.
“Do you want to play with us? You can balance the aim we lost through Kaida” the boy questioned with an amused smile.
Mikasa stared at him, wondering if this was a serious offer. But it made no sense that it wouldn't be, she had helped him, so why should he try to trick her?
“Sure” she answered quickly before she was able to think another second as she knew herself well enough at this point. She joined the others in playing, even though it was just tossing the ball back and forth. Mikasa had so much fun; it almost rivaled the joy she experienced with her parents.
Especially the boy who invited her, Jean, and his friend Kaida, were a perfect comedic duo, as they constantly tried to smack each other down with verbal attacks. This made Mikasa laugh numerous times. And the first time she laughed about it may have been the best one, as she was surprised by this reaction of hers.
The world is a beautiful place
She also realized that she had a talent for throwing, even though this was just an assumption made by others and not something she stated herself. Perhaps it would prove to be beneficial in the future, she speculated.
When Mikasa noticed that sunset was approaching, she wondered how long she had been outside. The group quickly became smaller, and soon afterward everyone was about to go their way back home
“This was a lot of fun, thank you for playing with us” Jean expressed his gratitude to her as most were already on their way, the same Mikasa intended to do now.
“No problem…” the black-haired girl responded, baffled that he thanked her, as she believed it should be the other way around. And also baffled because soft and kind words rarely left Jean's mouth, at least that was her assumption after the brief amount of time they had spent together.
“You are really good with your arm. Ever done this before?” Jean asked curiously.
Mikasa shagged her head. “No, first time” she more muttered then spoke as she wasn’t used to hearing compliments from people her age.
Jean seemed to be even impressed after hearing her answer, even though his urge to remain cool contained his excitement. “Well, I should get going, I guess… It was nice meeting you, maybe next time you can teach me?” he asked jokingly.
“Are you living near here? I never saw you before” Mikasa inquired, surprised by herself.
Why can't you just leave it be?
Jean acted surprised and even more anxious, causing Mikasa to immediately regret her question.
Well done! For once, someone is nice to you and you ruin it
“No, not really” Jean responded and directed his gaze more at the ground than at the girl in front of him. “I live on the other side of town, but I know people here, and it's nice to play…” he explained, not able to oppress his embarrassment as both knew that the other side of town wasn’t known for its beauty. Mikasa once again regretted having asked this question.
“Apologies, I shouldn’t have asked” she answered quietly and felt disappointed about herself.
“It's fine, you couldn’t have known. And it's not that bad, we just don’t have so much grass around there” Jean explained and shrugged his shoulders. “Anyway, I really need to get going now” he noted, but before he got moving, he glanced back one last time.
“Until next time… Mikasa, right?” he asked.
“Yes, Mikasa” she responded, a soft smile wearing her face as she watched how Jean went off into the distance.
I really need to get going now
She walked back home as quickly as she could because she didn't know how long she had been away.
Hopefully, we can still make the cake
When she was nearly halfway there, her mother suddenly appeared, smiling with a light and amused expression. “There you are” she exclaimed, glad that her daughter was safe and sound.
“How long was I away?” Mikasa asked nervously.
“Almost three hours” her mother responded impressed, but her daughter was just in disbelief.
Three hours? I was that long away? But the cake
“I'm so sorry…” she mumbled, starting to tear up.
“For what exactly are you sorry, my dear?” her mother questioned, slightly puzzled.
“We wanted to make the cake so that we could start eating it today” Mikasa explained, deeply saddened about her own actions.
“Do you remember that I didn't call for you even though I said so?” her Mother asked as she was going down on her left knee again. Her daughter was surprised because it was true that she didn't call for her.
“I thought that if you were away for so long you might have a good time and didn’t intend to take this away from you” her mother explained softly.
“Ohh…” Mikasa whispered and nodded, realizing that it made kind of sense after a second of thought.
“You did have a good time, right?” she inquired to reassure herself, and her daughter nodded heavily.
“Yes, I played with other children. We were throwing the ball to each other for so long and then there was this boy, Jean, and his friend Kaida who constantly tried to make fun of each other, which was hilarious for the rest of us” Mikasa explained at a fast speed and almost had no similarity to the girl who feared being with others just a few hours ago. Much to the joy of her mother.
“Jean and Kaida? Well, I'm curious to hear everything about them once we arrive home and eat our piece of cake. We definitely earned it today” her mother declared and stood again.
“Our piece of cake? We need to bake it first Mama” Mikasa explained confused.
“I already did that while you were outside. Even though I'm convinced It's not as good as it would have been with your help” her mother commented chuckling.
“I'm sorry…” Mikasa whispered, disappointed about herself once again.
I let her down, again
“No, don’t be” her mother responded immediately as she realized that her daughter didn’t have the hoped reaction. “Did you have fun today?” she questioned, and her daughter nodded.
“In that case, you could never fail or disappoint me. As long as you laugh, enjoy and just keep on going in your life, I will always cherish you. Just look at today… you were scared because of your experience for so long, but today you did overcome it, and you even had fun while doing so. As long as you keep accomplishing all that, your mother will always be proud of you. And I can't wait to witness even more of that in the future” her mother vowed softly and both shared another hug again, this time even longer than the last one.
“Thank you…” Mikasa whispered, one tear running down her left cheek.
“Now let's get going before your father takes the entire cake for himself” her mother stated jokingly before she started walking home, closely followed by her daughter before she turned around.
She had heard the sound of a bird. A white bird which was sitting on the branch of a tree. Mikasa glared at it, only to notice that it was the bird this time around who seemed to star into her eyes, just like she had earlier that day. Was it the same bird? She had her doubts because why should he return inside the walls? Who would on their own return into a cage if they could flee anytime? Or maybe that was the only situation in which you would decide to return.
Her mother called for her again, as she had earlier that day. Mikasa and the bird looked in each other's eyes for a second before she turned around. She decided not to spend much thought on it, as she was walking beside her mother, being excited about what waited for her at home.
Who would want wings if you can have mother's strawberry cake