Chapter Text
Peter <3 : Did I ever tell you the time when my uncle had to drag me inside of a grocery store because I kept talking to this homeless guy like he was my best friend?
Merc with a mouth: LMAO???
NO CUZ THAT SEEMS SO U THO
UR TOO NICE
Peter <3 : No?
I just don't think anybody deserves to be alone in the world
It can drive people insane and leave them isolated as hell
Nobody to rely on, yk?
The guy got arrested for smoking cocaine the next day.
Merc with a mouth: LMAO
Peter <3 :Dyk how to pay taxes?
Merc with a mouth: Baby, I'm not trying to offend you here but I AM AT COLLEGE AGE
Peter <3 : So?
I've heard that people got a
I GOT ANOTHER QUESTION NOW OMG
WAIT
SO LIKE
DO JAIL TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO PAY TAXES???
Merc with a mouth: Does*
Peter <3 : Don't come at me, english isn't my first language :(
Merc with a mouth: YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR LIKE
All OF YOUR LIFE
Peter <3 : I was 12 when i moved here Wade
I was SO clueless back then
'Missa? Whattttt eeeees a.. метамофеса in engles?'
In that exact way🤧🤧
I pronounced my words so weird😭😭😭
Merc with a mouth: HUH???
NO
I ALWAYS THOUGHT U WAS AMERICAN
U SPOKE HELLA GOOD ENGLISH WITH ME BRO
AIN'T NO WAY IT WAS A LIE
Oh and what was the translation of the word?
Peter <3 : it ended up being metamorphosis or something like that but yeah, you never asked if I was from here so I didn't say, you know?
Also
My english couldn't have been THAT good
I literally only started speaking it fluently only a year after I became spider-man ಥ_ಥ
When Mr Stark struggled understanding me, he had to get me a literal TUTOR
And me, being the broke teenage boy, couldn't deny it🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧
Merc with a mouth: LMAO
CAN U SEND A VM WIYH U SPEAKJNG UR LANGUAGE
PLSASE
peter <3 : ok ヾ(＾-＾)ノ
VOICE NOTE;
я люблю тебя, малыш
Merc with a mouth: What does that mean?
OH AND I LOVE YOUR VOICE SO MUCH
DEFO GONNA WANK TO THIS TONIGHT🔥🔥
Peter <3 : Please don't
It means I love life😄
Merc with a mouth : Well good translate says something else🤨🤨🤨
And YOU'RE RUSSIAN???
Peter <3 : Enlighten me as to why it is that you trust an inaccurate websorce over your own boyfriend? Not to mention, who's fluent in the language?
Web source is one word?
Or 2?
Merc with a mouth: Fair point BUT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE TRANSLATED IT INTO ENGLISH CORRECTLY BECAUSE AS YOU SAID, ENGLISH ISN'T YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE
It's both, I think btw
Peter <3 : Ok
I don't have a reply for that😕😕😕
But what do you think it means, though?
Merc with a mouth: You love me/I love you🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯
Peter <3 : :)!
I love you too pookie‼️‼️‼️
Peter <3 : (๑•ᴗ•๑)♡
Merc with a mouth: HUH
SINCE WHEN DID U USE THAT???
NOTHING AGAINST IT BUT I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE OF THAT
Peter <3 : always..?
I literally used it the entire time we spoke???
Well, since I was 11 I guess
When I started going school Here, I used it more often though
Merc with a mouth: Still can't get over the fact ur not American
Peter <3 : Fact!
My uncle, Ben didn't know how to speak Russian so he had May translate everything I said!
She loved us so much
Merc with a mouth: Such a cutie patootie🥺🥺❤❤❤😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😊😊😊🎉🎉🎉
Wanna come over after scl?
Peter <3 : what the hell and sure, but can I bring something of mine over?
Merc with a mouth: What, that ass👀
Peter <3 : I'm a minor btw
Merc with a mouth: LIAR LIAR THE ROOMS ON FIRE🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN IT ALL BURNS DOWN‼️‼️‼️
You turn 18 NEXT WEEK
NOT EVEN A MONTH
Peter <3: Still a minor by law🤷♂️
Merc with a mouth: I hate you.
Peter <3 : oh
do you still want me coming over or not anymore?
I can tell May that you went away for a while and can't use devices?
Though you might have to stop going familiar places between you two
Merc with a mouth: NO
IM JOKING
SORRY
POOKIE😭😭😭
I LOVE YOU TO THE END OF THE WORLD
(No, I'm not a flat earther)
Peter <3 : OH
Dym doing me a favor?
Merc with a mouth: Sure bbg 🔥🔥🔥
Peter <3 : Could you
Maybe
Possibly
Preferably
Like
Use
Merc with a mouth: Out with it, pookie bear🤨🤨🤨
Peter <3 : ₜₒₙₑ ₜₐ𝓰ₛ
Sorry!
It's just really hard to tell when you're joking or not and I just overthink things at times, I never really expect somebody who I love to just say they hate me suddenly so I can't really tell if it's a joke or not SORRY
Merc with a mouth: Petey pie
Bbg
Barbie
How the fuck did you type all that in a minute?
And OBVIOUSLY I'LL USE TONE TAGS, ANYTHING FOR YOU POOKIE
I WOULDN'T HATE YOU EVEN IF THE WORLD DID
IT'S US AGAINST THE WORLD
YOU DON'T NEED TO OVERTHINK IT
Peter <3 : You have me tearing up in physics :')
Merc with a mouth: OH SHIT YOU'RE STILL AT SCHOOL
SORRY
Merc with a mouth: are you acoustic
Peter <3 : What?
Merc with a mouth: Nevemind
Anyways...
Peter <3:
Dym if I tell you about the dream I had last night?
Merc with a mouth: Ofc pookie🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼💯💯💯
You don't even have to ask <333
Peter <3 : :)
I dreamt of this pretty girl who looked like this girl i was kinda friends with, she didn't have workin legs and was on a couch with her dad (morbidity obese IN THE DREAM) and she said "dad i wanna learn how to walk" and i kid u not, she sounded like fluttershy. Exactly how i remember her from the past.
AND THEN.
Scene cut to this Willy Wonka type of guy wannabe and he had this gold machine which was steel at the top, had glass boxes of money inside , just half, and then he pulled it out and he said "to challenge myself, i detach that part and drop the money and always pick it up.” and then suddenly there was a phone.
The phone was called a "Leonard Leopard Iphone XXXL342."
It doesn't exist.
It was also a gold phone with a leopard at the back, and just 1 camera. The screen works as a torch.
I was kerfunkled
Absolutely baffled
Merc with a mouth: LMAO???
WHAT KINDA DREAM WAS THAT???
LEONARD LEOPARD IPHONE XXXL342???
HELP
Peter <3: Yeah
Weird, right?
Merc with a mouth: Thanks for sharing your dream with me, pookie <333
Peter <3 :✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Merc with a mouth: PETEY PIE ILY SM OMG😭😭
I LOVE YOU TO DEATH
LITERALLY
Peter <3 : can you explain that?
'I love you to death'
You can't die?
So you would just be shot
So you wouldn't die
But you love me
Not enough to die though
Merc with a mouth: Petey, you're overthinking it
All you gotta know is that I love you pookie bear❤❤❤
Peter <3 : I love you too (๑•ᴗ•๑)♡
Merc with a mouth: AAAAHHHH
PETEY PIEEEEEE
THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE TO ME
OML
Peter <3 : (^_^♪)
Merc with a mouth: SAY LESS‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯💯
WE'RE GONNA MEET UP AT THAT MEXICAN PLACE U CLAIM TO HATE AND THEN PATROL FOR A BIT THEN GO TO MINE, YEAG?
Peter <3 : Ok ✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Peter <3 :IT'S SNOWING
WADE IT'S SNOWING
I'M SO HAPPYYYYYY
Merc with a mouth: ARE YOU SAYING YOU'VE NEVER SEEN SNOW BEFORE
BABY I GOTTA GET YOU TO CANADA ASAP
YOU HAVE TO SEE THE CANADIAN WINTER
Peter <3 : NO, I'VE SEEN SNOW. IT'S JUST BEEN A WHILE CAUSE I ONLY USED TO SEE IT IN RUSSIA. IT DIDN'T SNOW THE PAST FEW YEARS I'VE BEEN HERE UNTIL NOW
IS IT COLDER? CANADA?
Merc with a mouth: YES???
Peter<3 :i can't go to canada during the winter, sorry ó╭╮ò
spiders can't thermoregulate in the winter, causing a
uhm
can you help me out, please?
i forgot the word
something about long sleep
please
Merc with a mouth: Hibernation process
Peter <3 : I think?
Thank you ;)
Merc with a mouth: PETER U MAKE ME WANNA STOP PAYING TAXES
Peter <3 : You have such a way with words🧍♂️
Merc with a mouth: Well, somebody has to have the looks and it isn't me🤷♂️
Peter <3 : You're a lot prettier than you credit yourself to be
(Does that make sense?)
Merc with a mouth: pete, ilysm but you don't need to say that😕😕😕
Peter <3 : Yeah i do???
Yk I think looks don't matter but even if I did think that, I'd still date you because you're beautiful inside and out
Merc with a mouth: how tf did u spell beautiful so simply
And back to our previous topic
CANADA
Peter <3 : It's the immigrant in me💔💔💔
Merc with a mouth: You can probably get iron daddy to get us a private plane going canada
Peter<3 :Why is there a half eaten taco on the dining table
Merc with a mouth: SHARING IS CARING BABY
I LEFT IT FOR YOU🔥🔥🔥
Peter <3 : No.
Come here and eat it.
That's DISGUSTING
Merc with a mouth: Well they don't call me merc with a mouth for nothing, do they😋?
Peter <3 : ...