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Milena blinked in surprise, taken aback by the question. “What about you? What's something I wouldn't guess?”
It's not that she’s uninterested in sharing, well that's part of it, but rather that it made her come to a startling realization. None of the others had bothered to ask about her past. Even Wyll, sweet and attentive, had only asked about her history as things came up. They were all reasonably rather absorbed in their own problems. It struck her also in a guilty way that perhaps she had avoided talking about her past in specifics. Despite what everyone had revealed to her over time, Milena still kept her cards close to her chest. She was just a little disappointed that no one had tried very hard to peek.
Milena found herself briefly lost for words. Her mind wiped clear any distinct information about herself. After a pause she said, mouth curling ironically, “I'm secretly terrified of krakens, although I've never seen one.”
Halsin laughed. “They are fearsome creatures to be sure.”
She gave him a small smile, satisfied to have made one of her companions laugh. The warmth faded and was replaced by a strange melancholy. Not looking at Halsin, she murmured, “I'm a twin.”
“You are? Where is your twin now?”
The cheerful chirping of nature around her dimmed and Milena felt the warmth of the sun vanish from her skin. Cold dead air surrounded her, the mists of the Underworld licking her ankles. Shades, frozen forever in stone, lurked like trees around her.
With effort, Milena pulled herself back to the present. The silence had gone on slightly too long. She had paused more than she should. Halsin's smile was turning into a vague look of concern.
“I… she's back home. It's very far away, actually.” She gave him an awkward shrug. “We used to be very close but… things changed. A few years ago. We were both away from home for a while, then we weren't. Now I'm here.”
“That sounds hard. I'm sorry to hear it, but I'll admit I'm glad of your presence here. You make a fine leader and a good friend.” He smiled at her gently. “I'll not pry as to the history with your sister, but if you ever wish to speak with me about it, I am here,” the druid offers.
More of her earlier anxiety left. Depending on people was…hard. Gods knew she was still mortified to have found herself smitten with Wyll. But there was something undeniably reassuring about Halsin's presence, and even if she never took him up on the offer, Milena felt soothed knowing he genuinely meant his offer.
Just a couple of nights later, Milena woke with a cold sweat and gasping for air. Heaving a sigh, she scrubbed her face with shaking hands. The dream had been so vivid, enhanced by the uncanny details of memory. Gods why am I thinking about this now? I thought I had gotten over this, and it's not like I don't have plenty more to have nightmares about these days.
Milena conceded with herself that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep soon and stood. She crept silently away from the fire where her companions slept, Karlach snoring loudly. The cool night air reminded her of the dream unpleasantly, so Milena made her way to the stream just outside camp to splash her face and shake the vestiges of sleep away.
The water helped some, and she was crouched staring into the middle distance when the crunch of brush underfoot drew her attention. Milena silently cursed herself for not bringing at least her dagger and grasped a sharp-looking rock. Halsin stepped from the trees, holding a small pouch. He looked pleasantly surprised when he spotted her crouched at the waters edge, then raised a scarred brow when he saw the rock in her hand.
“You startled me,” Milena said defensively and dropped the rock.
“Apologies. I had finished my nightly meditation and thought to forage near camp. I did not expect anyone else to be awake at this hour.” The implied question hung in the air between them delicately.
She shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck. “Yeah, well. I couldn't sleep.”
“The dream visitor again?”
“No, not this time. Felt nearly as real, though.”
“It's shaken you.” It wasn't a question.
Milena hesitated, still uncomfortable with vulnerability. “Yes. It was… a bad memory. For the most part.”
“Ah, bad memories are likely to haunt us all at night. Was it the shadow cursed lands, or Ketheric perhaps?”
“No. No this was… an old memory.”
“I see. I know how those can be.” Halsin was quiet for a long moment. “Would you care to share some of my harvest with me?” He extended his pouch toward her.
“Uh, sure. Alright.”
They sat quietly together in the moonlight for a few minutes. Eventually Milena broke the silence. “It was a dream about my sister. Andi. The one I told you about?”
Halsin took the sudden return to conversation in stride, thoughtfully chewing a berry. “Yes I recall. She's your twin?”
Milena nodded.
“Did something happen between you?”
“No. I mean, yes, but that's not what the dream was about. Things are… complicated between us because of what led to the events in the dream. I almost lost her– forever– a few years ago. I did everything I could to get her back, gave up a few things, almost died a few times. But I found her in the end, brought her back.” Milena shifted her weight. “Sometimes I still find myself there, looking for her. I live out a version of the story where I couldn't rescue her. I used to have those dreams every night after she was taken. I was terrified I would never see her again.”
A shiver wracked through her body. Milena tilted her head back and studied the stars. “You'd like her, I think.” She glanced at Halsin.
“I would?”
“Mhm. She's… well she's amazing. Magnetic, strong, kind. She loves animals and nature. A druid circle was never for her, she loved people too much, but we were never so at home as we were in our mother's wilds– she was a nymph,” Milena clarified. “Andi raised her companion Argos from a pup and now they're this incredible hunting team. She's going to make a name for our city-state with her talents someday, either with great deeds or honor in competition.” Milena realized she was smiling fondly. “Everyone loves Andi– the great Andromiche, champion of Sutessa.”
“And what of you? Surely you are known in your home as well.”
Milena felt like Halsin had found some invisible string in her chest and unwittingly plucked it roughly. Like discovering a cut you had forgotten about with lemon juice. She internally cringed away from his words. “Oh um, not really. I guess when we were younger everyone knew us as ‘the twins.’ We were a matched set, her the flame and I the shadow. Question and answer. As children we were inseparable and that itself defined us in some ways. As we got older we were drawn to different things and started to pursue our own destinies. Sometimes I was my father's daughter, when I was in houses of learning. But Andi was the one making a name for herself. I left home to pursue my ambitions where I could exist as one person, not merely part of a whole. And so that when I came home I would be more than just Andi's sister.”
A chipped cup in the matched set, misplaced and only brought out for excess company. Nobody watches the shadow when the flame is lit. Milena loved her sister too dearly to ever resent her success and popularity, but she envied the love others held for her so easily. She had often feared that others could sense it on her like a foul odor, no matter how hard she tried to tamp it down.
“It seems unlike you to define yourself so thoroughly by another person.”
Milena laughed without humor. “You don't know me very well,” she said bitterly, then regretted it. “I– I'm sorry I didn't mean that.”
“No, it's true. You have every right to point that out.”
“Even so, it was unfriendly. I'm not really good at people. Andi–” Milena cut herself off realizing she was defining herself by her sister yet again. With some frustration she continued, “Andi is the people person. I'm the abrasive academic. I've always struggled with having too sharp a tongue for my own good, or so I've been told.”
Her lips curl sardonically. “You should’ve seen the last group I traveled with. Fought with one of them the first time we met. I was so mad– I nearly made my palms bled clenching my fists. About a week after that I made a comment that put off another party member so badly we didn’t speak for nearly a week. The only one I was on consistently good terms with was this young man who didn’t know how to read. I was teaching him while we were sailing, when time permitted.” Her eyes unfocused, recalling the dark beach in Elysium. “It’s a shame Qinor and I didn’t get along. When he left… well, it turns out we had much more in common than I realized. Maybe that’s why we hated each other so much.” Milena gave a small laugh.
“Too much alike to get along? I suppose that’s possible,” Halsin mused.
“Or we unknowingly saw in each other what we hated most in ourselves.” Milena shrugged. She picked at her cuticles, drawing blood from a hangnail on her middle finger. She popped it in her mouth with a hiss.
“That’s also a possibility,” Halsin allowed. “I didn’t realize you carried additional burdens with you on this journey. I’ll admit it seems foolish now that I hadn’t considered your own past, when so many of us have burdened you with ours.”
“It’s not a burden, Halsin. I know how important it is to take care of your own mission, believe me, and it’s hardly like yours has been unrelated to our overall goal. All of this has been so tangled up in itself…”
“I know, we’re all inextricably linked to this plot the further we search.”
“Makes you wonder about Withers and his talks of fate sometimes.”
Halsin chuckled. “Very much so. But I trust that the Oakfather has guided me to the path I needed to take.”
Milena shook her head. “I have to admire your faith, Halsin. I’ve never been big on it myself, and I’ve been to a god’s realm before the Shadowfell.”
He raised his brows, impressed and curious.
“The god of the dead, where I’m from. But I think that’s a story for another time. I don’t, I don’t want to trouble you so late.”
“It’s no trouble, Milena.”
She noted the echo of her own words minutes before and gave him a nod.
“Maybe so. But it’s time I tried to get some rest.” Milena stood and brushed dirt and grass from her backside. Halsin bid her a quiet farewell and she turned back toward camp. Just before vanishing into the trees, she half turned to the druid. “Thank you, Halsin,” she murmured.
“What for?”
“For asking. And, for listening.”
“Any time.”
She walked back to camp on silent feet and returned to her bedroll. After several long minutes, restless sleep finally found her.