Chapter Text
The alleged father is excluded as the biological father for the tested unborn child.
Or in other words, I'm completely screwed.
My mind that raced with possible scenarios for exactly this situation had quieted to a deafening whisper.
I was carrying a bass-terd.
My flushed face reddened from an adorable peony tint to an ugly blotchy brick red and I could suddenly feel myself sink into the disgusting New York pavement, my heartbeat loud enough to break the diamond on my left hand. This was the worst case scenario. Having to give up my dream of being Grace Kelly, Princess Diana, and having to become Jamie Lynn Spears.
But regardless of how awful it felt to know that my princess days were over, a calm washed over me in a way I couldn't admit-
Screw that little voice in my head telling me I secretly wanted it to be that motherchucker's! I'm a complete fool for thinking that this changes anything in our relationship, I'll be lucky if he even accepts the information that one - okay maybe two times in the back room of a kid's bar mitzvah did this to me.
I fold the letter back up and then I go to open it back up again to see if the first reading was a hallucination or manifestation of sorts, some sort of reminder that Chuck is the source of all my unhappiness and-
The alleged father is excluded as the biological father for the tested unborn child.
Damn it. The worst part of all of this was that Louis didn't even want to be a father. Either way I was screwed. I am aware that I didn't want to have a baby this young but come on, is there any man who does want to be a parent at my age? Why couldn't I have been 25 or even 22? My brain and my logical decisions could have been spared from my love invoked lunacy if I started making them when I was 25.
And of course, Chuck... He would never want to be a father. No father spends half of his brain cells in Thailand doing hash off of a cheap hooker's thigh... none that loves their kids anyways. Unless they're The Captain but I have some standards.
Don't get me wrong, I dreamt up this possibility before this test. I dreamt it up more times than I dream myself wearing a floor length black gown, sunglasses, a high bun with a tiara drinking a coffee outside of Tiffany's. Which I have done, for your information. I even imagined a future like that with him, way back when it seemed more likely. But I never imagined it like this even a little bit.
I folded up the letter again and stuffed it in my purse, taking a huge breath. I prayed that Dan would hear this, whereever he was, and would come and tell me what I should do. I mean he's right, it was one or the other. They'll love their child no matter what history they have with their child's mother. But still I felt something pinch my oxygen in my chest and I didn't know what to do.
Everytime I thought about it, every moment I lingered on that sidewalk wishing that I was back to junior year of high school, where I had actual power even for a little while, I felt a pang in my heart, a glimpse into my future. Looking into Louis' french brown eyes and telling him I not only cheated on him, but I was having another man's baby. My reputation, his reputation would demolish. But I knew he would be upset for bigger reasons. He would hate me. I never had a problem with people hating me before.
Louis would never forgive me. Screw being a princess (On Grace Kelly's grave, I promise I didn't completely mean that), I could've had a normal life. A normal, fabulous life. Looking around at all of the New York pedestrians, I knew I was completely alone and all because of my own wickedness. Chuck that basshole let me think I was actually capable of getting a fairytale despite what I've done.
Then like nothing had happened, my shame spiral sputtered and I let my body take the lead on my destiny. I would not spiral on a street. But I think it was something else that got me there, this idea of what my fairytale ending was. This was my life. Any moment wasted on wanting things to change... I was preventing something. It was time to be a responsible mother and face facts.
Suddenly I found myself in his lobby, even though logically I should've told Louis first to get it over with, then move on to ruining another man's future, as I tend to excel at. But I couldn't stop myself. Habits never really die, do they?
In the building that I was traded for, I allowed my fate to drag me to where I needed to go, somehow knowing that Chuck was up there drinking scotch or God knows what. Still, in a part of me I didn't want to completely admit, I was excited for whatever reaction he had. Even if he'd freak out, or react completely passively... I wanted to see reality. If I could have anything, I would have that.
As I stepped in the elevator and pressed the top button, something shifted inside of me, almost like it knew where I was going. Them. I still forget I have a thing inside of me that isn't an organ or a tumour but something that would blow out of my-
I couldn't focus on that terrifying thought any longer. My heart thumped so loud I could hear it outside of my body, worried that I'd have a heart attack before I made it there. Why after all of this time does the anticipation of seeing him make me feel like the most scared little girl? If he was even home. I mean I knew he was home but I wasn't quite sure of who I was at the moment.
Then like it was perfectly timed, I made it to the top. No stops along the way either. I step two, maybe three steps into the too familiar penthouse with the too familiar scent, and I spot him at his bar and time sort of stops for a moment.
He looks at me like I'm a ghost who he hasn't seen in years, and I knew I had to start talking before I looked at him the same way.
"Hey." I say, shaking unnoticeably.
"Hi." He replies cautiously and standoffish, like he can't reveal too much.
A silence lulls over the room. If I knew what I don't know now, I would be able to conduct this conversation with grace, and I wouldn't feel so nervous right now. It's only been three months. Three long beautiful months in Monaco. I would give anything to never return to this room again. Why was it this room that screwed me up so much? He stares at me. What do I even say to him at this point? Do I become a total coward? Yes. Actually that makes perfect sense right now.
"Is... Nate home?" I ask flustered, like a ditzy girl in a trashy movie. I watch his face relax as I ask the question.
"No. Not for a while."
Why must he answer each question so ominously? Something turns in my stomach and I nod so awkwardly before heading towards the elevator. Not even a salutation from my lips. My face feels hotter than a baby with collic. Baby... It hit me that I was going to have a baby. Of course. Logically I should turn around and tell the father... if I was a stronger woman.
I left the Empire as fast as I had gotten there, hoping there was one person in New York who could help me find the words.
Dan strolls in wearing exactly what he wore this morning, but looks just as tired as Blair feels. From the look on her face, Dan reads her better than his copy of The Petting Zoo.
"You didn't read it, did you?" He groans as he sits across from her in the thinned out diner.
Blair has a small plate of fries carefully placed in front of her next to some lemon water. She picks at them with her pretty nails. "I actually did, Humphrey. I managed to overcome the one fear for today, knowing. Unfortunately, my limit is only one per day."
Dan eyes her, anticipating his friend's drama, but Blair sips her water delicately and swallows her peppery fry. She catches his prying eye and rolls her own.
"You want to know whose it is, don't you?"
"Of course, Blair." Dan blurts. "You've been avoiding opening that letter for days and now you're beating around the bush? But you don't have to tell me just... have you told either of them?"
Blair tenses. Dan sighs sympathetically as his emotionally constipated heiress. These moments had him longing for the Serena drama. At least Serena never had two pregnancy scares involving Chuck as the possible father. Well one scare and one eternal horror film that Blair was living.
"You should tell Louis first."
"Why exactly?"
"Well if he is the father, then he should hear the great news that his fiancée is going to have his heir as soon as possible. If he isn't, well... he deserves the truth. Take it from me."
She picks up another fry and chews on it anxiously. Too anxiously.
Dan picks up on this. "Louis is the father, right?"
Blair digs in her purse and tosses the letter over to him, her face as cold as ice. Dan picks it up and opens it, reading exactly what she read a couple hours before. His mouth tenses to a straight line and folds it back up to look at Blair's eyes, wet with tears.
"I don't know how to tell him." Blair says as her voice cracks ever so slightly. Blair Waldorf would never break down crying in a greasy spoon, but maybe there was a first for everything. "What kind of mother am I?"
Dan chuckles. "Most mothers. Maybe more notably a Mamma Mia." He picks a fry off of her plate. "You don't know how to tell Louis or Chuck?"
"Both. How do I even start that kind of conversation?" Blair picks up her napkin and dabs her eyes with it, smearing her eye makeup.
He flips the letter around and digs around in his pocket for a pen.
"Dan you look like a lunatic." She protests. "What are you doing?"
Pulling out a pen, Dan begins scribbling furiously for several minutes, after a bit Blair recognises what he's doing and scoffs.
"Are you writing me a script? I know how to talk, Dan."
"You just said... Besides. These are suggestions." He clicks his pen and hands her the paper. She dryly laughs.
"'Hey, Louis. Remember my ex-boyfriend, Chuck Bass? Well I'm having his baby, mind if we move into the castle?'" Blair reads sarcastically.
"Ha, ha. Read what it actually says."
Blair tucks a brunette strand behind her ear, her smeared makeup now dry on her face. "'Dan, I would never say this."
"You asked for my help." Blair takes a deep breath. Dan snatches the paper back and folds it up again. "Fine, how about we just practice what you're going to say?"
She nods. "Louis. I'm pregnant."
Dan, with an exaggerated french accent, responds. "Blheir, mon macaron, what manufique news!" Blair smacks him. Dan clears his throat. "I mean. Blair, wow that's so-"
"It's Chuck's." Blair pauses and takes a breath. "Wow. I haven't said that out loud yet."
He rubs his neck. "How do you feel about it?"
She averts her eyes. "I love Louis."
"Yeah."
"I thought I would know exactly what to do as soon as I knew." Blair looks over vulnerably at Dan, then picks up another fry before dropping it back on the plate. "Do you think he'll hate me?"
The room got quiet. Dan pours himself a glass of water and takes a dramatic sip.
"Well," he said after a while, "if he truly loves you this won't be a dealbreaker for him. It should, but I know he will forgive you eventually. Louis could understand if it was just a one time thing..."
Blair smooths out her dress. She wasn't referring to Louis, necessarily. It was incredibly bizarre that she was the most scared to tell Chuck, scared of what he would say or wouldn't say. Dan was right, he would love anything that came out of her and she couldn't pretend like he wouldn't. But what would be his inital reaction? And the rest of their life? Tied for all time-
"Blair, quit spiraling in your head." Dan popped her anxiety bubble. "You don't have to plan your entire life right now."
"Are you out of your mind?" Blair snaps. "You and I know that knowing how things are going to turn out are exactly what keeps us from going insane! I have to think it through, what to say to him, or else I could end up completely alone. I'll end up like my mother, or Serena's mother constantly remarrying so I don't feel alone while screwing up my baby to resent me and my past mistakes."
Dan reaches for her hand and squeezes it. Unknowing to them, a preteen girl is snapping photos outside of the front diner window, sending them to Gossip Girl. A tear falls down Blair's cheek again.
He grazes her palm with his thumb. "Take it one step at a time. You opened the letter, that's a great start." Dan retracts his hand and sips at his lemon water. "Your next choice is who you're going to tell first. How about Louis?"
"I guess I should rip off the pin and pray there's very little debris." Blair says half-wittedly with a smile. "And my next choice is when I'm going to tell him. Which is immediately after I leave."
"That's right." Dan smiles back. "Then we go forward from there."
She picks up a fry and nibbles at it before taking yet another breath. Blair smiles gratefully at Dan. "Thank you for being a friend. I should've said it when you were helping me gather up my courage to open the letter."
"Of course." He replies. "And besides, no matter what happens. You won't end up alone. I promise."
Blair smiles once more. How did Humphrey go from being Serena's low-grade boyfriend to such a high class friend?