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Chuuya was, to put it bluntly, lost.
He was supposed to be at the playground, carefully supervised by his guardians but he might have wandered a little too far and now he didn’t know how to get back. Already, there was a sting in his eyes and he felt the tears begin to well up but he sniffled determinedly and wiped at them roughly with his hands.
He was a big boy now! He could find his way back to Paul and Arthur easily.
Maybe there was some sort of street sign or marker around here somewhere that he could use to identify where he was and navigate back to where he was, but as he looked around, his spirits fell further upon realising there was nothing. He was stuck in a random street in a weird, unfamiliar neighbourhood and he was all alone.
But then, his head whipped around to do a double take as he glimpsed a little boy who looked to be around his age wandering around with his hands clasped behind his back. There was someone else there!
“Um… excuse me?” Chuuya wandered over to the other boy and when he was closer, he noticed he had dark brown hair and matching eyes, wide in curiosity as his head tilted to the side upon noticing Chuuya.
“Yes?”
“Do you know how to get back to the playground from here?” Chuuya fiddled with his fingers, twisting them, praying this boy knew the way back.
“I do, but I don’t wanna go back.”
“Why not?”
“I’m hiding. From my Dads.” He explained. “I’m Osamu.”
“Chuuya.” The redhead pouted. “But I wanna go back.”
“Baby.” Osamu teased and Chuuya’s mouth dropped open before his cheeks coloured.
“I’m not a baby!”
“Babyyy!”
“Not a baby!” Chuuya huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t need them. I don’t need to go back!”
“That’s the spirit!” Osamu giggled. “You wanna come on an adventure with me? We can explore!”
“Won’t we get lost?”
“Nope! I’m really smart so I won’t forget the way back!” Osamu said solemnly.
“I don’t think smart people say they’re smart.” Chuuya frowned.
“You’re wrong.”
“Oh. Okay.” Chuuya simply accepted it. “Where are we going?”
“Come on!” Osamu grinned, grabbing hold of one of Chuuya’s hands and dragging him along so they were walking down the street side by side. “Do you live around here?”
“Hmm, Paul-nii said I’m not s’pposed to tell strangers stuff.”
“We’re not strangers! We’re friends! Chuuya and Osamu!” Osamu gasped dramatically. “I told you my name, that makes us best friends!”
“Does it?” Chuuya wondered aloud. He’d never heard of that before, but then again, he had been living in France up until a week ago.
“Yeah!” Osamu nodded fervently. “So?”
“Oh, yeah. But we only moved a week ago.”
“That explains why I haven’t seen you at the playground before.” Osamu nodded as if everything made sense now. “I would have noticed a short little baby with bright red hair like you before.”
“M not short!” Chuuya defended, frowning.
“You are! Chibi! Chuuya Chibi! It even rhymes.”
“OGRE OSAMU!”
“WHAT?” Osamu burst into laughter and Chuuya followed not long after. “That’s stupid!”
“You’re stupid!” Chuuya insisted, giggling. They kept laughing for a while, every time one of them stopped the other would start and so the cycle would continue. But finally, they quieted down and Chuuya wiped tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes, one last snicker escaping him.
“How’d you get lost?” Osamu asked as they resumed walking, reaching out to, once more, taking Chuuya’s hand and swing their joined hands between them.
“Dunno. I was just walking and then I realised I got too far away. Paul-nii and Arthur-nii are gonna be soooo worried.” Chuuya huffed.
“You have two big brothers? I don’t have any.”
“Nu-uh.” Chuuya shook his head. “Paul-nii is my brother. Arthur-nii’s his partner.” Chuuya smiled, satisfied he had managed to remember the right word after times of listening to them both introduce each other.
“Cool! I have two dads!” Osamu emphasised the number, even throwing up his hand with his index and middle finger up and the rest of the fingers curled into his hand.
“Doesn’t that get confusing?”
“Nope!” Osamu said cheerfully. “I call them Dad and Papa!”
“Oooh.” Chuuya nodded, eyes wide in wonder. “So have you lived here your whole life?”
“Yep!”
“I used to live in France.” The shorter boasted and Osamu gasped.
“Really? Why did you move?”
“Dunno. Paul-nii said he missed it here so we came back. He said him and Arthur-nii used to live in Japan.” Chuuya shrugged.
“Cool. Can you speak French?”
“Je peux. Ça me rend meilleur que toi.” (translation: I can. It makes me better than you.)
“Je peux aussi parler français. Chibi Chuuya.” (translation: I can speak French too. Chibi Chuuya.)
Chuuya’s jaw dropped and Osamu lost it once again, bending over at the waist and letting go of Chuuya’s hand in a fit of laughter.
“I –” Chuuya stood there in shock.
“Your face!” Osamu cackled. “You look so funny!”
“I wasn’t expecting that.” Chuuya said honestly.
“Osamu!” Someone called and Osamu stood, eyes wide and his mouth open in a little O.
“Uh oh. That’s Dad’s voice.” He whispered to Chuuya.
“Why is this bad?” Chuuya whispered back, his own eyes wide.
“I’m supposed to be hiding.”
“Why are you hiding though?”
“Dunno. For fun!” Osamu laughed before pouting with a sigh. “Guess he found me this time.”
“Osamu!” The voice was clearer now and someone rounded the corner. As they approached, Chuuya saw it was a man with black hair parted down the middle and a pair of round glasses adorning his face. He had a stressed expression on his face that faded the second he saw Osamu and immediately rushed over, kneeling down in front of him. “Osamu, gods where did you go?”
“I was hiding, Dad!” Osamu said brightly.
“Your Papa is seconds away from calling the police, I hope you know that.” The man said seriously, sighing before he pulled out his phone.
“Papa worries too much.”
“Yes well, his son disappeared so… let me call him and tell him to not call the police because his naughty son is right here.” The man stood and ruffled Osamu’s hair, casting a curious glance Chuuya’s way before he spoke into the phone in a hushed tone. “Oda, yeah I found him. He’s fine, yeah. I’ll bring him back to the playground. Grounded, you say?”
“Nooooo.” Osamu whined, kicking at the ground as the man hung up.
“Should have thought about it before you ran off.” He said lightly. “And who’s this?”
“This is my new best friend.” Osamu declared.
“I’m Chuuya! I’m five!”
“Hi, Chuuya-kun. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Osamu’s dad, Ango.”
“Nice to meet you too, Ango-san!”
“Where are your parents, Chuuya-kun?”
“My brother is at the playground! I got lost and found Osamu.” Chuuya explained.
“Well, we’re going back to the playground to meet Osamu’s papa. You can come with us and we’ll take you to your brother, okay?”
“Okay!”
The second they were by the playground, a man with red hair swooped Osamu up by the armpits and glared at him.
“Hi Papa.” Osamu said solemnly.
“Don’t you hi papa me, young man.” The man said. “You’re in big trouble, Osamu.”
“I’m sorryyyy. I made a friend!”
“Did you?” He looked down, noticing Chuuya stood by Ango and smiled at him. “Are you Osamu’s friend?”
“Mhm. I’m Chuuya, I’m five!”
“Good to meet you, Chuuya-kun. I’m this little menace’s papa, Oda.”
“Nice to meet you, Oda-san!” Chuuya bounced up and down where he stood before he turned to Ango and patted the side of his leg. “Um, Ango-san?”
“Yes, Chuuya-kun?”
“Can you see a tall blond man or a man with long black hair?”
“Let me see…” Ango lifted his chin and looked around before he made a sound of realisation. “I can! They’re both over there.”
“Paul-nii! Arthur-nii!” Chuuya took off in the direction Ango pointed and the black-haired man watched as Chuuya was lifted up by the blond man who looked a lot like him and deduced that must be his brother.
Later, Paul and Arthur would come over with Chuuya and thank Osamu for looking out for the little red-head and thank his parents for making sure Chuuya got back to the playground safely. And they would exchange contact details to arrange playdates between the two boys.
10 years later
“Aw, look at us.” Osamu cooed, pointing at the framed picture of the two of them as five year olds, stood side by side in the playground. “Nothing’s changed. You didn’t grow much, did you?’
“What did you say, you bastard?” Chuuya snarled, lunging for Osamu who tried to dodge but instead got an armful of Chuuya, both of them falling back onto the floor with a loud thud, scrabbling at each other until Chuuya ended up on top, legs on either side of Osamu. “Now what, huh?”
“Changed my mind, I guess some things have changed.” The darker-haired boy grinned as he drew Chuuya down into a kiss, swallowing the surprised sound the shorter made before he sank into the kiss, growing slack in Osamu’s grip.
Yeah, much hadn’t changed. Osamu was still a smart-ass with way too much knowledge in his head for a fifteen year old and he still made fun of Chuuya every chance he got, loving to take jabs at his height. Chuuya was still fiery and unafraid to argue back, but he was more aggressive. The one thing that had changed was the nature of their relationship. While they were still best friends above all else, there was a deeper, more intimate, and romantic edge to it now. Boyfriends, Osamu had declared with a bright grin.
Boyfriends. Chuuya liked the sound of that.
3 years later
“I’m sorry, Chuuya.” Ango’s voice was heavy with grief as he pressed a pristine envelope into Chuuya’s hands. An envelope with his name printed on it neatly in Osamu’s unmistakable handwriting.
Chuuya took it with trembling hands and a blank expression, walking straight to his room and closing the door behind him. The second it was shut, his knees lost their strength and he slipped down, sliding until his bottom hit the floor and looking down at the envelope in his hands.
To Chuuya
That’s what it said on the back. His shaky fingers slid under the flap and opened it, sliding out a carefully folded letter and unfolding it.
Chibi Chuuya,
Only on the first line and already a sob was bubbling past his lips. He clapped a hand to his mouth and kept reading.
Chibi Chuuya,
Hey idiot.
If you start blaming yourself for not seeing the signs or whatever bullshit you’re telling yourself right now, I’m going to haunt you forever. I’m serious! You’ll never know peace as long as I… well, I can’t say live, can I? Too soon? Maybe that was too soon.
In all seriousness, don’t blame yourself. There’s nothing you could have done to stop this. I’ve felt this way for years and I wanted to keep trying for Dad, and Papa. For you. For Paul and Arthur but I just can’t, Chuuya. Either I feel nothing or I feel so tired, so empty and just done. I’m not getting satisfaction from anything and it sucks.
Sorry. I guess. I don’t know if I should be apologising if I don’t mean it. I’m not really sorry because I think I would have caused you pain too if I had kept living, I would have dragged you down with my depressing-ness.
I know you were excited about university and the future in general. Don’t let me stop you. I’d never forgive you if you let my insignificant little death stop you from fulfilling your dreams, so please, live for the both of us. Is it selfish to ask you to enjoy it for my sake too? I can’t even bring myself to care anymore.
I made sure you wouldn’t be the one to find my body, I wouldn’t forgive myself if you did.
I’m glad you got lost that day all those years ago. It meant I got to meet you, one of the people I hold nearest and dearest to my heart. Thank you, for staying with me. I don’t think it was easy, particularly the last few years and I’m sorry for everything I put you through. You didn’t deserve that, but you put up with it, so thanks.
Take care of Dad and Papa, will you?
I love you.
Ogre Osamu
“Ogre Osamu.” Chuuya choked out a shaky laugh through the tears running down his cheeks in rivers. “Stupid bastard.”
The room was quiet, save for the sound of rustling paper and heartbroken sobs echoing from a redheaded boy curled up in front of his door, clutching a letter that bore the dying words of a man he loved.
“I love you too.”
1 year later
“Hey, Osamu.” Chuuya spoke, watching his breath form in the hair, hands in his pockets as he looked down at the gravestone in front of him.
Here lies Sakunosuke-Sakaguchi Osamu
[1997 – 2015]
“The beautiful die young”
“It’s been a year. I’m older than you now, dipshit. Bet you feel real stupid now, don’t you?” He chuckled bitterly. “I started university, done with my first year now. I decided to visit home while I was on break and grace you with my presence.”
Grace me? Chibi Chuuya is so kind to us lowly peasants. He could almost hear the teasing remark Osamu was usually so quick to reply with.
“It’s… weird. Living without you. Waking up every day and being hit with the realisation that you’re not around anymore makes me feel like someone sucker punched my gut. It was really hard the first couple months, I’ll be honest. I kept expecting to see you in places, kept turning to tell you something but there was no one there.” He let out a harsh breath.
“Paul-nii convinced me to start seeing a therapist and it’s helped.” Chuuya admitted. “It’s still not easy but I don’t wake up sad every day. There’s good days and bad days and thankfully, the good seem to be overpowering the bad.”
He paused as the wind blew, ruffling his red locks.
“I just miss you. A lot.” Chuuya choked out, feeling a sudden sinking feeling in his chest as the tears spilled. “Gods, Osamu, I miss you so much. It’s like half of my soul is missing and it feels so wrong. I know you said not to blame yourself and I’m really working on it but maybe I could have helped you more. I don’t know.”
A bitter laugh echoed through the area.
“Haunt me, or whatever you said you’d do. I just wish I could have talked to you one last time, kissed you one last time. Your clothes don’t smell like you anymore, Osamu. It hurts, knowing you’re fading and I don’t even want to think about the day I realise I can’t even remember what your voice sounded like. I hope that day never comes.”
Chuuya wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands.
“I love you, Osamu. See you later.”
I love you too, Chuuya.